6 Simple Tips On How Men Can Help Women Feel Safer In Public And Other Situations Shared By A Twitter User
Societies have evolved, people have embraced new ways of life, but there are still plenty of issues we have to deal with collectively. One of the prominent ones is the treatment of women: from differences in wages to blocks in career paths to, worst of all, the harassment they face on a daily basis. Of course, not every woman suffers from such mistreatment, but since it’s a problem that’s been around for a long time, it’s well worth a discussion. That’s exactly what Twitter user bekah (@spvcecadets) did: she started a thread on how men can help women feel more secure in vulnerable situations, and it deservedly went viral. Best thing is that it goes both ways – think of it as general rules of putting people at ease during a stressful situation.
More info: twitter.com
Women are one of the main demographics that often face harassment
Image credits: Susanne Nilsson (not the actual photo)
This Twitter user started a discussion on how men can help women in vulnerable situations
Image credits: spvcecadets
Image credits: spvcecadets
“If you hear a woman being bothered, walk over and support her,” said the post. It provided a natural way someone might interject into a conversation that was making a woman uncomfortable, with one of the methods being a claim to be a family member or a significant other. This would help take the pressure off, as well as provide security for the woman to easily leave the situation.
Cross the road at night, stand up for the woman who’s being harassed, or simply speak up about a situation
Image credits: spvcecadets
Image credits: spvcecadets
There are many ways a man (or anyone, really) can help women feel more secure. You can do a simple thing like cross the road if you walk behind a woman at night; that way, you don’t have to wonder why she’s constantly looking over her shoulder and the woman would also appreciate the gesture as she won’t have to count your footsteps behind her. Other advice includes speaking up about the issue, especially if you hear someone in your social circles use derogatory terms to speak about women—don’t be afraid to correct them!
These tips, such as not to engage in victim blaming, are helpful to both women and men
Image credits: spvcecadets
While the list of advice can be considered aimed towards women, it’s actually very helpful to men too. It provides enough information for men that they can be preemptive, instead of reactionary, meaning they won’t have to apologize or console a woman if they don’t do anything to startle or intimidate her in the first place.
The pandemic is not time to be lax on making sure you are respectful to women
Image credits: spvcecadets
Image credits: spvcecadets
As a modern nod towards the current pandemic, the user advised men not to wear masks whenever possible—while you have to comply with the rules and regulations of safety (which we wholeheartedly support!) whenever possible, it’s a good idea to take the mask off as it’ll put women at ease. Keeping the face visible is extendable to post-pandemic society too, as it’ll make you seem less intimidating, especially in poorly lit areas.
People jumped into the discussion with their own insights
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As a woman who has lived in cities and traveled alone, I find this list excessive. It is the kind of overly cautions behavior that conservative men are afraid is expected of them. It's good to respect that when alone or at night a woman is on high alert and perceive you as a potential threat... but dictating that men need to announce their presence?
I agree, I am a man and I honestly feel awkward doing any of these and I feel bad that a woman might think I will try to do something awful. But if you are uncomfortable and nervous just be honest on both sides.
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Someone else's fears and paranoia are just that, someone else's! I am not going out of my way to prove to a complete stranger I am not a threat. All I CAN do is NOT assault women just like I have been doing my entire life.
Just keep in mind It's most likely that the women that are fearful and paranoid have been harassed or assaulted before. I know I definitely became paranoid after a guy followed me and flashed me and offered me to suck his díck in the middle of the night on my 2 minute lone walk home. Luckily a man from the other side of the street (I saw him unlock his front door to get in his house) saw the creep following me and decided to make sure I'm all right and scared the pervert away. That was almost at my front door, without him the creep would know where I lived. Shít is scary.
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Great post, but I have noticed that as a shorter, unattractive, chunky guy, that women are more likely to act creeped out if I look over there way once or twice instead of the tall good looking guy who has been staring/leering at them all night.
@Aunt Messy and @Mewton's Third Paw - "then don't look". This is exactly why people like Matt here don't save some women who may need it. You're teaching him to keep to himself and one day it will cost someone's life because someone LIKE Matt will "just not look" and miss the signs of a girl in lots of trouble. He's actively trying to f*****g help by giving his experiences and you f*******s do that.
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i rem seeing two guys outside a nightclub clearly following a really drunk girl up the road.stopping everytime she did,etc etc---i approached the girl and didnt get a chance to tell her because she started screaming at me--was very uncomfortable. so i decided to go back to the two lads and say my sister was pissed at me. they turned and left---its not easy to approach a situation like this as a man as i feel like i,m going to be thought a creep too
That was a brilliant thing to do. And it worked. So on behalf of that girl, thank you
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Most of these seem great, but telling us not to use our phones when we're around a woman at night just seems a bit excessive tbh
I thought loudly using your phone is preferable as it means you're not creeping around or trying to hide from being seen. Body language is the most important part of making women feel safe, if you look non-threatning, they don't feel threatened.
Load More Replies...
This 'pretend to be family' seems like a bad idea. 2 people maybe in it together....the guy may act friendly and turn on victim later after acting friendly. And this seems way too focused on Stranger Danger when it is much more likely to be hurt by someone you know. Infact, you should be very vary of people who seem extraordinarily friendly. Don't take dark lanes and don't help if you are alone, no matter how helpless they seem. Don't give lifts to strangers....if you feel like helping, give them cash to take a cab. Here's a site that has some great tips - https://www.crime-safety-security.com/
It does help people! It can catch a person off guard at first, but it has helped people in some situations. If it doesn’t, it does help to distract the person harassing the girl! Good tips though!
Load More Replies...
So many comments about it not being all men, so can we just stipulate that victims can't tell who is a good guy and who isn't? And can we also agree to look out for one another regardless of our gender? It's not "too much effort" to reduce someone's anxiety or fear, nor should we feel it's a burden to avoid acting creepy. Staring at someone is rude, invading their personal space or touching them without permission is an affront, feeling entitled to say something inappropriate or denigrating to random women without getting called out on it is just toxic. OK, It's not YOU but sadly it's ubiquitous enough that virtually all women have had bad experiences. So maybe you should have some empathy, and do a couple of small things to make it better for everyone. When I got attacked the first responders wondered why I was out after dark and the doctor thought he was being helpful by admonishing me to stop walking alone from my bus stop. I can't stop bad men from doing bad things by myself.
The late at night thing is naive. terrible stuff happens all day every day.
"If you hear a woman being bothered, walk over to her and pretend to be a friend, family member, boyfriend" etc.... and then that person helping turns out to be the creep....
Exactly, seems like an opportunity for a "nice guy" to go and "help" as an excuse to get to know a girl. Heck, maybe even set-up the scenario. -- Personally, if I was in an awkward situation with a stranger, and ANOTHER stranger came along and played all nice to me, I would be even more uncomfortable.
Load More Replies...
Crossing the street and panting is a load of crap. What's there to stop someone who really means to hurt a woman to stalk her from across the street, without the woman's knowledge? Sure, beware of your surroundings. But next thing they'll asks us to divide by gender when taking a bus or train. As they did with skin colour back in the days, or as they still do in certain religions today. Why would I bring out my phone at night in a bad neighborhood to get robbed 2 streets down myself... There are plenty of paranoid man as well, that had lots of s**t happen to them. Next you'll want us all to wear those tags they put in an animal's ear
This REALLY shows how much women have to go thru to get through life compared to how little men do. One small codicil, if a man isn't safe to 'confront' someone he should call the cops and maybe be at a safe distance. We can't assume all men are physically willing/able to risk life and limb for a stranger. That in itself is sexist..
I couldn't read the "call other guys out" one and not think of the "ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS" "IF SHE BREATHES... SHES A THOOOOOOOOT"
Do you know how many people have been kidnapped while being on the phone with someone? Its where movies get their ideals from.
the cell phone is magic, protecting from kidnap /s
Load More Replies...
If you are walking in the same direction as a woman, tell her your destination and that you are not following her. Offer to cross the street and walk on the other sidewalk.
I completely disagree with the advice “If you hear a woman being bothered, walk over and support her,” said the post. It provided a natural way someone might interject into a conversation that was making a woman uncomfortable, with one of the methods being a claim to be a family member or a significant other." If this happened to me, I'd feel like I now had two freaky weirdos to deal with and wouldn't know if they were "working" together or not.
Which men actually need these tips? On what planet do men need these tips? Reality is, most people will do nothing whether you're male or female. I know because I'm that one guy who reliably will intervene when things are getting out of hand. I'm the one guy on the train who will step in between to prevent a fight. I'm the one guy who will approach an aggressive person who is threatening someone. I've been there countless times, and you know how much support I get from the crowds around me? None. That's practically all of you reading, and the "authors" of this post. I've even waited, waited, well beyond when I would normally act just to see if anyone else will. Nothing. I've even been on the receiving end, and did anyone help? It's only sexists who see it as a woman's problem. Real men will help. Fake women are preventing males from becoming real men. Do the maths.
If a man and a woman are fighting NEVER EVER interfere. They will immediately team up on you and false report you to the police.
Yeah, try helping someone out, and then get yelled at "mind your own effing business"!! After about 10 of those, you really don't give a damn anymore.
I live in Hong Kong and have lived in China and Singapore. In none of these places is there the same degree of fear that women have in the west. Women go jogging alone at 10:00pm in Singapore. There are warnings about perverts in Hong Kong but the incidence seems very low. In Singapore, sexual assault is often punished with a caning and prison.
I appreciated how positive the comments were in this post. ('Not in THESE comments but in the post.) As a high schooler in the late '00s, I remember multiple times of being catcalled or followed while walking home. Most women I know do A LOT not to get harassed. (See list below.) It's nice for men to listen to this list and recognize the little things they can do to help.
To avoid harassment in high school, I: Wore baggy clothes, Didn't wear a ponytail, Didn't wear overalls, Kept headphones always off one ear, Carried my house keys like brass knuckles, Kept "91" already dialed in my phone at times just in case I needed to dial that extra 1; Pretended to talk on my cellphone to loudly tell an imaginary person I was almost there; Didn't walk too fast or too slow; Covered my hair if I was having a particularly good hair day; Made sure my "walking home" shoes were appropriate for running; etc. One day, I literally walked purposely off the side of an embankment because a car had circled the block many times and was slowly following me. (The car couldn't see over the embankment or follow me there, and it was my only place to turn/hide.) This is the sort of s**t many women and girls go through. If you're unwilling to cross the street, make noise when walking, or change your pace, brah, enjoy your self-centered male privilege. I pity any women in your life.
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So interesting reading through this post, I really do enjoy visiting your blog for content such as this<
The 'letting know you're behind' happened to me. I'm in no way (as much as I'd like to be) a physically intimidating presence but I was in a parking lot (daytime) walking at a pace that I was catching up to a woman in front of me & as soon as I questioned ... "I bet she doesn't know I'm behind her, perhaps I ought to cough or something" ... we both arrived at our cars which of course were parked next to each other. I forget what I said exactly, but as I got in my car I made a comment about I wasn't sure you knew I was behind you. I imagine she probably did cause she didn't react to my being 'close' to her. In fact she might have thought I was crazy for even making the comment.
man stops to help woman: gets jailed https://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/good-samaritan-wrongly-jailed-loses-marriage-after-womans-false-indecent-assault-claim/DI5YC2D5EKBYL43ICCIRYBIPNQ/
https://news.yahoo.com/chinatown-shop-owner-saved-woman-163937062.html
Load More Replies... 
As a woman who has lived in cities and traveled alone, I find this list excessive. It is the kind of overly cautions behavior that conservative men are afraid is expected of them. It's good to respect that when alone or at night a woman is on high alert and perceive you as a potential threat... but dictating that men need to announce their presence?
I agree, I am a man and I honestly feel awkward doing any of these and I feel bad that a woman might think I will try to do something awful. But if you are uncomfortable and nervous just be honest on both sides.
Load More Replies... Someone else's fears and paranoia are just that, someone else's! I am not going out of my way to prove to a complete stranger I am not a threat. All I CAN do is NOT assault women just like I have been doing my entire life.
Just keep in mind It's most likely that the women that are fearful and paranoid have been harassed or assaulted before. I know I definitely became paranoid after a guy followed me and flashed me and offered me to suck his díck in the middle of the night on my 2 minute lone walk home. Luckily a man from the other side of the street (I saw him unlock his front door to get in his house) saw the creep following me and decided to make sure I'm all right and scared the pervert away. That was almost at my front door, without him the creep would know where I lived. Shít is scary.
Load More Replies... Great post, but I have noticed that as a shorter, unattractive, chunky guy, that women are more likely to act creeped out if I look over there way once or twice instead of the tall good looking guy who has been staring/leering at them all night.
@Aunt Messy and @Mewton's Third Paw - "then don't look". This is exactly why people like Matt here don't save some women who may need it. You're teaching him to keep to himself and one day it will cost someone's life because someone LIKE Matt will "just not look" and miss the signs of a girl in lots of trouble. He's actively trying to f*****g help by giving his experiences and you f*******s do that.
Load More Replies... i rem seeing two guys outside a nightclub clearly following a really drunk girl up the road.stopping everytime she did,etc etc---i approached the girl and didnt get a chance to tell her because she started screaming at me--was very uncomfortable. so i decided to go back to the two lads and say my sister was pissed at me. they turned and left---its not easy to approach a situation like this as a man as i feel like i,m going to be thought a creep too
That was a brilliant thing to do. And it worked. So on behalf of that girl, thank you
Load More Replies... Most of these seem great, but telling us not to use our phones when we're around a woman at night just seems a bit excessive tbh
I thought loudly using your phone is preferable as it means you're not creeping around or trying to hide from being seen. Body language is the most important part of making women feel safe, if you look non-threatning, they don't feel threatened.
Load More Replies... This 'pretend to be family' seems like a bad idea. 2 people maybe in it together....the guy may act friendly and turn on victim later after acting friendly. And this seems way too focused on Stranger Danger when it is much more likely to be hurt by someone you know. Infact, you should be very vary of people who seem extraordinarily friendly. Don't take dark lanes and don't help if you are alone, no matter how helpless they seem. Don't give lifts to strangers....if you feel like helping, give them cash to take a cab. Here's a site that has some great tips - https://www.crime-safety-security.com/
It does help people! It can catch a person off guard at first, but it has helped people in some situations. If it doesn’t, it does help to distract the person harassing the girl! Good tips though!
Load More Replies... So many comments about it not being all men, so can we just stipulate that victims can't tell who is a good guy and who isn't? And can we also agree to look out for one another regardless of our gender? It's not "too much effort" to reduce someone's anxiety or fear, nor should we feel it's a burden to avoid acting creepy. Staring at someone is rude, invading their personal space or touching them without permission is an affront, feeling entitled to say something inappropriate or denigrating to random women without getting called out on it is just toxic. OK, It's not YOU but sadly it's ubiquitous enough that virtually all women have had bad experiences. So maybe you should have some empathy, and do a couple of small things to make it better for everyone. When I got attacked the first responders wondered why I was out after dark and the doctor thought he was being helpful by admonishing me to stop walking alone from my bus stop. I can't stop bad men from doing bad things by myself.
The late at night thing is naive. terrible stuff happens all day every day.
"If you hear a woman being bothered, walk over to her and pretend to be a friend, family member, boyfriend" etc.... and then that person helping turns out to be the creep....
Exactly, seems like an opportunity for a "nice guy" to go and "help" as an excuse to get to know a girl. Heck, maybe even set-up the scenario. -- Personally, if I was in an awkward situation with a stranger, and ANOTHER stranger came along and played all nice to me, I would be even more uncomfortable.
Load More Replies... Crossing the street and panting is a load of crap. What's there to stop someone who really means to hurt a woman to stalk her from across the street, without the woman's knowledge? Sure, beware of your surroundings. But next thing they'll asks us to divide by gender when taking a bus or train. As they did with skin colour back in the days, or as they still do in certain religions today. Why would I bring out my phone at night in a bad neighborhood to get robbed 2 streets down myself... There are plenty of paranoid man as well, that had lots of s**t happen to them. Next you'll want us all to wear those tags they put in an animal's ear
This REALLY shows how much women have to go thru to get through life compared to how little men do. One small codicil, if a man isn't safe to 'confront' someone he should call the cops and maybe be at a safe distance. We can't assume all men are physically willing/able to risk life and limb for a stranger. That in itself is sexist..
I couldn't read the "call other guys out" one and not think of the "ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS" "IF SHE BREATHES... SHES A THOOOOOOOOT"
Do you know how many people have been kidnapped while being on the phone with someone? Its where movies get their ideals from.
the cell phone is magic, protecting from kidnap /s
Load More Replies... If you are walking in the same direction as a woman, tell her your destination and that you are not following her. Offer to cross the street and walk on the other sidewalk.
I completely disagree with the advice “If you hear a woman being bothered, walk over and support her,” said the post. It provided a natural way someone might interject into a conversation that was making a woman uncomfortable, with one of the methods being a claim to be a family member or a significant other." If this happened to me, I'd feel like I now had two freaky weirdos to deal with and wouldn't know if they were "working" together or not.
Which men actually need these tips? On what planet do men need these tips? Reality is, most people will do nothing whether you're male or female. I know because I'm that one guy who reliably will intervene when things are getting out of hand. I'm the one guy on the train who will step in between to prevent a fight. I'm the one guy who will approach an aggressive person who is threatening someone. I've been there countless times, and you know how much support I get from the crowds around me? None. That's practically all of you reading, and the "authors" of this post. I've even waited, waited, well beyond when I would normally act just to see if anyone else will. Nothing. I've even been on the receiving end, and did anyone help? It's only sexists who see it as a woman's problem. Real men will help. Fake women are preventing males from becoming real men. Do the maths.
If a man and a woman are fighting NEVER EVER interfere. They will immediately team up on you and false report you to the police.
Yeah, try helping someone out, and then get yelled at "mind your own effing business"!! After about 10 of those, you really don't give a damn anymore.
I live in Hong Kong and have lived in China and Singapore. In none of these places is there the same degree of fear that women have in the west. Women go jogging alone at 10:00pm in Singapore. There are warnings about perverts in Hong Kong but the incidence seems very low. In Singapore, sexual assault is often punished with a caning and prison.
I appreciated how positive the comments were in this post. ('Not in THESE comments but in the post.) As a high schooler in the late '00s, I remember multiple times of being catcalled or followed while walking home. Most women I know do A LOT not to get harassed. (See list below.) It's nice for men to listen to this list and recognize the little things they can do to help.
To avoid harassment in high school, I: Wore baggy clothes, Didn't wear a ponytail, Didn't wear overalls, Kept headphones always off one ear, Carried my house keys like brass knuckles, Kept "91" already dialed in my phone at times just in case I needed to dial that extra 1; Pretended to talk on my cellphone to loudly tell an imaginary person I was almost there; Didn't walk too fast or too slow; Covered my hair if I was having a particularly good hair day; Made sure my "walking home" shoes were appropriate for running; etc. One day, I literally walked purposely off the side of an embankment because a car had circled the block many times and was slowly following me. (The car couldn't see over the embankment or follow me there, and it was my only place to turn/hide.) This is the sort of s**t many women and girls go through. If you're unwilling to cross the street, make noise when walking, or change your pace, brah, enjoy your self-centered male privilege. I pity any women in your life.
Load More Replies... So interesting reading through this post, I really do enjoy visiting your blog for content such as this<
The 'letting know you're behind' happened to me. I'm in no way (as much as I'd like to be) a physically intimidating presence but I was in a parking lot (daytime) walking at a pace that I was catching up to a woman in front of me & as soon as I questioned ... "I bet she doesn't know I'm behind her, perhaps I ought to cough or something" ... we both arrived at our cars which of course were parked next to each other. I forget what I said exactly, but as I got in my car I made a comment about I wasn't sure you knew I was behind you. I imagine she probably did cause she didn't react to my being 'close' to her. In fact she might have thought I was crazy for even making the comment.
man stops to help woman: gets jailed https://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/good-samaritan-wrongly-jailed-loses-marriage-after-womans-false-indecent-assault-claim/DI5YC2D5EKBYL43ICCIRYBIPNQ/
https://news.yahoo.com/chinatown-shop-owner-saved-woman-163937062.html
Load More Replies... 
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