Man “Comes Out” As Poly, Uses It As Free Pass To Date, Gets Mad When Wife Dates, She’s Struggling

What works for some couples might not end up being a fit for others, which is why people need to collectively figure out the rules and boundaries of their relationship. Unfortunately, in some cases, even partners who have been together for a long time might be on completely different pages, which can cause problems.

This is what happened to one woman when her husband of fifteen years suddenly demanded a polyamorous relationship and had someone lined up to date him. She still tried to make it work, but ended up feeling broken.

More info: Reddit

It can be difficult to recognize red flags in a long-term relationship until one partner takes things too far

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The poster explained that she had been married to her husband for fifteen years and that he suddenly “came out” as polyamorous, and already had someone to date

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The poster felt blindsided by her husband’s declaration and tried to set boundaries around his dating, but she had to keep compromising as he’d throw a fit

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The poster became insecure when her husband started flirting with their neighbor and told him to delete her number, but he continued the connection in secret

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Over time, the poster began feeling like her life was falling apart and that she didn’t know what to do because he kept making her feel like it was all her fault

As the poster mentioned, she and her husband had been together for more than a decade and had two children. Nothing seemed off about their relationship, and they faced the normal ups and downs of life. That’s why she was shocked when he suddenly decided that he wanted to be polyamorous.

According to researchers, people can’t just come out as polyamorous, especially if they are in a committed relationship. This kind of decision should be discussed multiple times between partners so that they can figure out what works best for them together, instead of just one person pulling the strings.

It’s clear that the man had blindsided his wife with his declaration, which is why she had said that she needed some time to take in the news. Unfortunately, before she even got a chance to research and figure out the path ahead, he told her that he wanted to date their neighbor, who was eleven years younger than him.

The OP found it odd that her husband already had someone lined up that he wanted to date, and experts explain that this kind of behavior is not what polyamory is about. It’s not a band-aid solution to wanting to cheat on one’s spouse. People can identify the red flags by seeing how collaboratively their partner approaches this kind of decision in the first place.

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