“He Was Absolutely Appalled”: Guy Refuses To Pay For His Friend’s Wife’s Meals Anymore, Drama Ensues
Recently a Redditor turned to the AITA community for advice, wondering if he was wrong to refuse to pay for half of his friend’s unemployed wife’s meals when they eat out.
“After the pandemic, Dee never went back to working, they both seem to be okay with this and she enjoys the house making life,” the author Jamestheshameless wrote about his friend’s wife. “That’s their thing, not my problem,” he added.
However, it gets a little problematic when it’s time to pay for their meals in the restaurant. “The problem is that when the bill comes, Tommy asks for it to be split 2 ways, or it will just be split that way because only 2 of us walked up to the pay counter,” the Redditor explained.
One day, after having a lavish dinner, Jamestheshameless realized that was enough for him.
The person wonders if he was wrong to refuse to pay for half of his friend’s wife’s meal since she’s unemployed, hurting them badly
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Credits: Jamestheshameless
This is what people thought about this whole situation
377Kviews
Share on FacebookHow about "I'm a separate bill today, thanks!" to the waitress at the start of the meal to avoid this sort of thing?
Right! That’s all he had to do. Nothing wrong with that.
Load More Replies...Why do poeple split the bill instead of paying only their own damn food?
Exactly my question @Sergio B. D.! I don't get it, obviously. In my European country every is supposed to and also expected to pay for their own meal unless it is some kind of gathering where the host announced beforehand that everyone is invited. I personally think that this take saves so much trouble! ...as I've never came across the "but I paid this and they paid that" struggle in my country. What I should also add: servers make indeed a living wage (even if not great) and have no problem to do the math.
Load More Replies...Nope, but better talk about this beffore dinner, not after.
why would any man not pay for their wife's meal this is stupid, how were some of you raised that this would have been an issue in the first place just pay for what you ordered it's that simple
I'm wondering if hubby's been acting like he pays for them and OP just pays for himself. If Dee isn't handed the check/come up to pay she might not know. The embarrassment could be getting caught cheaping out by his wife.
Seems like the wife is the one being cheap by not getting a job to help with expenses.
Load More Replies...My buddy and bf and I go out for food all the time! Either we treat him or we tell the waiter to put my bf and I on one and my buddy in the other. I'd be appalled if my buddy pays for my bfs share. It's friends sharing time together. It's totally normal in Canada to split the bill between couples and singles.
Same here. Usually when it‘s me, my boyfriend and a friend we‘ll either pay 2/3 or treat the friend… Because obviously we are two people and he‘s alone. We‘re all friends and a friendship is about sharing good moments together, not about who has to pay more or less.
Load More Replies...NTA but should have spoke up a lot sooner if they are such good friends. My husband has long been the third wheel (designated driver 😜) with my friend and me. She has always made more money than us but I never expected her to pay for my husband. Either separate checks for us and maybe she would pay for the drinks and I would pay for the shared appetizers. Depending on the occasion sometimes we would pay the entire bill or she would. But we always discussed payment before food or drinks were ordered.
I have some friends, a married couple, they pay for 2 times we are out and I pay the next time - only fair to me X
So, I'm confused....is the husband too cheap to take his wife on a proper date, so they go with their "friend" (OP) to make sure he doesn't have to pay for her entire meal? I say "friend," because that's an awful way to treat a friend. What would happen when they have kids? Would OP have to pay for them to eat, too?
I think the wife is being cheap by not getting a job. That's the real issue.
Load More Replies...I don't understand. If I'm with friends at a restaurant, the first thing I say to the waitress is that there will be separate bills - unless of course someone is actually paying for the lot! (which doesn't happen often)
If I suggest going somewhere then I will be making it my treat, for example if I offer to take someone out for coffee then I pay. Otherwise I pay for myself, regardless of who I'm with. This includes when I'm dating. I earn my own money and I expect to pay my own bills.
Exactly. I understand this a lot. Even though I don't get out much 😅. The last social thing I had with anyone I know was a month ago when I visited friends and family.
Load More Replies...If I ask someone to go out to eat I either stare before we order if I'll be paying or if they want to go Dutch which is half and half. You pay yours. I pay mine. And depending where we choose to go for prices it matters. Sometimes we just go (say me and my sister) and don't discuss it but she will insist on paying but I'll leave tip or vise versa. But if a third or fourth comes we still talk it out before hand.
I don't understand this splitting bills costume - where I come from usually the person who calls it - pays it ,or if it's costume to go frequently out like they do - every person pays his/hers part by themselves . All of this regardless of what kind of income they have. And if someone is out of money they ether polite say they can't make it to go or also polite say I would like to go but I'm out of money and then others split persons part if they want them to come or say sorry you'll come next time
I get this not just all the time, but EVERY time. I have no kids and a lot money so no matter who it is, family or friends, if we go out to dinner its just assumed ill pick up the bill, or if i'm lucky they'll offer to split 50/50 which still comes to way more than my share. There's always a big 'Thanks' bit what annoys me is the expectation.
If I was out with friends, I'd rather pay for my own food. I wouldn't want to be a burden on someone if I let them pay for it. An example, I saw of friend of mine last month, we got frozen yogurt, the cashier asked if it was going to be on one bill or two. Honestly, I didn't know if the outing was a date or just an outing between friends. Totally not getting distracted here, dang it. I paid for my thing because I didn't want to burden him, and he was fine with it. Why not just do separate bills when at a restaurant or just getting something simple like ice cream? Pizza I understand but anything really more than that, not so much.
Wow, it took him a long time to realize his "best friend" is a mooch. Who brings their spouse along to meet their friend? Who demands their friend pays for their uninvited spouse? NTA. Can't afford it, you don't go out. Simple.
It doesnt sound like the wife is uninvited since they are all friends, but they should be splitting the bill 3 ways not 2.
Load More Replies...When you go out to eat as a group and a couple is part of the group, the couple pays for their portion. Everyone else pays for their individual portion. This Tommy guy sounds like a cheapskate that likes to take advantage of his friends.
I agree. The bill should be split in 2. Each man pays for their own families.
Except that OP is single and his friend is bringing his wife. So spliting it in 2 is not each paying for thier own, spliting it in 3 and the friend paying 2/3rds is.
Load More Replies...Deffo NTA my boyfriend can't work but he still pays or if he can't then I am fine doing so for us. To expect someone else to cover is wrong
NTA. OP needs to tell his douchebag friend to 'be the man' and pay for what he and his 'woman' eat and stop mooching off his friend to subsidize his own food tab, because that is exactly what he is doing.
Both are a----es. You for not dealing with this long ago and suddenly dealing with i in the worst way at the wrong time; he for being greedy.
Dee needs to get herself a job and pay for her own meals instead of sponging off others
When my husband and I go out with friends, family, whoever, we pay for the food we eat. We have never once split the bill. Pay for your food. Why is splitting even a thing? Everyone pays their own tab and tips according to that number. We don't even split tip lol we just all tip based off our own checks.
why do people automatically assume malice? if I care about "keeping the friendship alive" then it's because I love my friend and going out once or twice a month? I'll pay for their whole meal. maybe I'm just not stingy with my money like some people are.
Yes, just say "seperate checks please". No dialog or embarrassing moment at the check out or later. He should be paying for his own girlfriend. They can figure out when she's going to pay him back later at home.
Lol nta even for the comment of the wife coming home with him half the time. That was gold! I'd stick to that. Next time be like, okay Dee, it's my turn to take you home. I got laundry and cleaning that needs doing, then when I get off work we can cuddle and watch a movie, maybe a glass a wine, then your husband can come pick you up for his turn."
I do agree that it might have been classier to say something up front… but then a classy friend would never have done this to *you*!
NTA: It is not too late to ask for separate checks. You should not be subsidizing their meals.
He’s a misogynistic AH for the remark about her going home with him. He painted her as a prostitute. That was a friendship-ending thing to say. Words never justify violence, but if they did, this guy deserves a bloody nose
ESH ( everyone shucks here) . If it bothered you, you should have discussed it before... like... an ADULT! Don't give me the macho BS. Act like the adult you pretend to be.
Lol I'm gonna steal your money and it's your fault, because you should have told me beforehand like an adult that you don't pay for my kids and rabbits. How was I to know?
Load More Replies...Im not sure i understand the meaning of your post. I'm not sure what being single or not being interested in romance has to do with having companions to eat with? Are you implying that his choice not to have a partner means that he should pay more for the 'privilege' of eating with them?
Load More Replies...Alternatively the people going could have recognized it was more expensive and offered to pay for themselves. In no scenario is the OP the AH.
Load More Replies...How about "I'm a separate bill today, thanks!" to the waitress at the start of the meal to avoid this sort of thing?
Right! That’s all he had to do. Nothing wrong with that.
Load More Replies...Why do poeple split the bill instead of paying only their own damn food?
Exactly my question @Sergio B. D.! I don't get it, obviously. In my European country every is supposed to and also expected to pay for their own meal unless it is some kind of gathering where the host announced beforehand that everyone is invited. I personally think that this take saves so much trouble! ...as I've never came across the "but I paid this and they paid that" struggle in my country. What I should also add: servers make indeed a living wage (even if not great) and have no problem to do the math.
Load More Replies...Nope, but better talk about this beffore dinner, not after.
why would any man not pay for their wife's meal this is stupid, how were some of you raised that this would have been an issue in the first place just pay for what you ordered it's that simple
I'm wondering if hubby's been acting like he pays for them and OP just pays for himself. If Dee isn't handed the check/come up to pay she might not know. The embarrassment could be getting caught cheaping out by his wife.
Seems like the wife is the one being cheap by not getting a job to help with expenses.
Load More Replies...My buddy and bf and I go out for food all the time! Either we treat him or we tell the waiter to put my bf and I on one and my buddy in the other. I'd be appalled if my buddy pays for my bfs share. It's friends sharing time together. It's totally normal in Canada to split the bill between couples and singles.
Same here. Usually when it‘s me, my boyfriend and a friend we‘ll either pay 2/3 or treat the friend… Because obviously we are two people and he‘s alone. We‘re all friends and a friendship is about sharing good moments together, not about who has to pay more or less.
Load More Replies...NTA but should have spoke up a lot sooner if they are such good friends. My husband has long been the third wheel (designated driver 😜) with my friend and me. She has always made more money than us but I never expected her to pay for my husband. Either separate checks for us and maybe she would pay for the drinks and I would pay for the shared appetizers. Depending on the occasion sometimes we would pay the entire bill or she would. But we always discussed payment before food or drinks were ordered.
I have some friends, a married couple, they pay for 2 times we are out and I pay the next time - only fair to me X
So, I'm confused....is the husband too cheap to take his wife on a proper date, so they go with their "friend" (OP) to make sure he doesn't have to pay for her entire meal? I say "friend," because that's an awful way to treat a friend. What would happen when they have kids? Would OP have to pay for them to eat, too?
I think the wife is being cheap by not getting a job. That's the real issue.
Load More Replies...I don't understand. If I'm with friends at a restaurant, the first thing I say to the waitress is that there will be separate bills - unless of course someone is actually paying for the lot! (which doesn't happen often)
If I suggest going somewhere then I will be making it my treat, for example if I offer to take someone out for coffee then I pay. Otherwise I pay for myself, regardless of who I'm with. This includes when I'm dating. I earn my own money and I expect to pay my own bills.
Exactly. I understand this a lot. Even though I don't get out much 😅. The last social thing I had with anyone I know was a month ago when I visited friends and family.
Load More Replies...If I ask someone to go out to eat I either stare before we order if I'll be paying or if they want to go Dutch which is half and half. You pay yours. I pay mine. And depending where we choose to go for prices it matters. Sometimes we just go (say me and my sister) and don't discuss it but she will insist on paying but I'll leave tip or vise versa. But if a third or fourth comes we still talk it out before hand.
I don't understand this splitting bills costume - where I come from usually the person who calls it - pays it ,or if it's costume to go frequently out like they do - every person pays his/hers part by themselves . All of this regardless of what kind of income they have. And if someone is out of money they ether polite say they can't make it to go or also polite say I would like to go but I'm out of money and then others split persons part if they want them to come or say sorry you'll come next time
I get this not just all the time, but EVERY time. I have no kids and a lot money so no matter who it is, family or friends, if we go out to dinner its just assumed ill pick up the bill, or if i'm lucky they'll offer to split 50/50 which still comes to way more than my share. There's always a big 'Thanks' bit what annoys me is the expectation.
If I was out with friends, I'd rather pay for my own food. I wouldn't want to be a burden on someone if I let them pay for it. An example, I saw of friend of mine last month, we got frozen yogurt, the cashier asked if it was going to be on one bill or two. Honestly, I didn't know if the outing was a date or just an outing between friends. Totally not getting distracted here, dang it. I paid for my thing because I didn't want to burden him, and he was fine with it. Why not just do separate bills when at a restaurant or just getting something simple like ice cream? Pizza I understand but anything really more than that, not so much.
Wow, it took him a long time to realize his "best friend" is a mooch. Who brings their spouse along to meet their friend? Who demands their friend pays for their uninvited spouse? NTA. Can't afford it, you don't go out. Simple.
It doesnt sound like the wife is uninvited since they are all friends, but they should be splitting the bill 3 ways not 2.
Load More Replies...When you go out to eat as a group and a couple is part of the group, the couple pays for their portion. Everyone else pays for their individual portion. This Tommy guy sounds like a cheapskate that likes to take advantage of his friends.
I agree. The bill should be split in 2. Each man pays for their own families.
Except that OP is single and his friend is bringing his wife. So spliting it in 2 is not each paying for thier own, spliting it in 3 and the friend paying 2/3rds is.
Load More Replies...Deffo NTA my boyfriend can't work but he still pays or if he can't then I am fine doing so for us. To expect someone else to cover is wrong
NTA. OP needs to tell his douchebag friend to 'be the man' and pay for what he and his 'woman' eat and stop mooching off his friend to subsidize his own food tab, because that is exactly what he is doing.
Both are a----es. You for not dealing with this long ago and suddenly dealing with i in the worst way at the wrong time; he for being greedy.
Dee needs to get herself a job and pay for her own meals instead of sponging off others
When my husband and I go out with friends, family, whoever, we pay for the food we eat. We have never once split the bill. Pay for your food. Why is splitting even a thing? Everyone pays their own tab and tips according to that number. We don't even split tip lol we just all tip based off our own checks.
why do people automatically assume malice? if I care about "keeping the friendship alive" then it's because I love my friend and going out once or twice a month? I'll pay for their whole meal. maybe I'm just not stingy with my money like some people are.
Yes, just say "seperate checks please". No dialog or embarrassing moment at the check out or later. He should be paying for his own girlfriend. They can figure out when she's going to pay him back later at home.
Lol nta even for the comment of the wife coming home with him half the time. That was gold! I'd stick to that. Next time be like, okay Dee, it's my turn to take you home. I got laundry and cleaning that needs doing, then when I get off work we can cuddle and watch a movie, maybe a glass a wine, then your husband can come pick you up for his turn."
I do agree that it might have been classier to say something up front… but then a classy friend would never have done this to *you*!
NTA: It is not too late to ask for separate checks. You should not be subsidizing their meals.
He’s a misogynistic AH for the remark about her going home with him. He painted her as a prostitute. That was a friendship-ending thing to say. Words never justify violence, but if they did, this guy deserves a bloody nose
ESH ( everyone shucks here) . If it bothered you, you should have discussed it before... like... an ADULT! Don't give me the macho BS. Act like the adult you pretend to be.
Lol I'm gonna steal your money and it's your fault, because you should have told me beforehand like an adult that you don't pay for my kids and rabbits. How was I to know?
Load More Replies...Im not sure i understand the meaning of your post. I'm not sure what being single or not being interested in romance has to do with having companions to eat with? Are you implying that his choice not to have a partner means that he should pay more for the 'privilege' of eating with them?
Load More Replies...Alternatively the people going could have recognized it was more expensive and offered to pay for themselves. In no scenario is the OP the AH.
Load More Replies...
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