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Woman Walks On Husband Crying Over Their Baby Gender, Makes Him Sleep On The Couch
Man sitting on bed rubbing eyes, showing emotion related to baby gender and family conflict.

Woman Walks On Husband Crying Over Their Baby Gender, Makes Him Sleep On The Couch

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Some topics—such as childhood traumas—can be difficult for people to share, even with their partners. But healthy relationships can’t exist without honest communication, and being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness.

Reddit user u/ValuableBurner says learning his first child’s gender brought back a lot of difficult feelings. He shared how he burst into tears in front of his wife and claims he tried to explain his difficult past to her, but was met with a cold shoulder.

The internet came out in force and offered some quality advice for the dad-to-be. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to u/ValuableBurner, and we will update the article as soon as we hear back from him.

RELATED:

    People must communicate with their loved ones and learn to ask for help when battling their demons from the past

    Pink and blue gender reveal cake with baby figurine and cupcakes, representing baby gender and family emotions during reveal.

    Image credits: akshay-bineesh-105199960 (not the actual photo)

    This dad-to-be, for example, has had a traumatic past, and learning his baby’s gender brought back some of his worst memories

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    Text excerpt from a post about a woman walking on her husband crying over their baby gender and making him sleep on the couch.

    Text discussing a woman indifferent to baby gender, while husband is upset and emotions affect their relationship.

    Text showing a man upset over baby gender and his wife walking away, making him sleep on the couch.

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    Man sitting on bed with head down and hands clasped, showing emotion over baby gender issues with his wife.

    Image credits: alex-green (not the actual photo)

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    Man crying on bed alone, overwhelmed by emotions about baby gender, while woman walks away and makes him sleep on couch.

    Text expressing a woman’s fear of repeating her dad's mistakes with her son, reflecting on baby gender emotions.

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    Man crying over baby gender while wife walks away, leading to him sleeping on the couch in a tense moment.

    Husband upset and crying over baby gender while woman waits with arms crossed on the couch in a tense moment.

    Image credits: alex-green (not the actual photo)

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    Man crying over baby gender while wife walks in, confronts him, and makes him sleep on the couch.

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    Husband crying over baby gender while wife walks away, causing tension and him sleeping on the couch.

    Text message discussing a husband planning to tell his wife about his childhood after reading comments.

    Image credits: ValuableBurner

    Therapist writing notes during a counseling session with a man visibly upset about baby gender issues at home.

    Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)

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    Many men are reluctant to open up about their feelings or to go to therapy to solve their issues

    The author of the viral post, redditor u/ValuableBurner, revealed to the AITA community on Reddit how he started crying after his baby’s gender reveal party. According to him, he was treated very poorly by his father while growing up and he didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes. Meanwhile, the OP’s dad allegedly treated his sister well. This is why the author subconsciously wanted a daughter rather than a son.

    Though the story split the AITA community, many readers were highly sympathetic. A lot of readers thought that the author’s actions were partially inadequate because he hadn’t explained things properly to his wife.

    However, they urged him to go to therapy, in order to deal with his childhood trauma. They also told u/ValuableBurner to speak to his wife about his issues so that they’re on the same page.

    Being vulnerable about one’s past, being honest with your partner, and asking for help during a difficult moment—all of these are signs of strength, not weakness.

    However, many people still avoid opening up about their issues. Some folks might not want to burden their loved ones with their problems. So they’re left dealing with emotional turmoil all by themselves. Sometimes just voicing a problem reduces its impact. And getting an outsider’s perspective can really help with the whole healing process.

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    Many men struggle with mental health issues, however, seeking professional health is still taboo, even in economically advanced countries. As Orlando Health points out, men might avoid therapy because asking for help can be perceived as a sign of ‘weakness.’ Others, meanwhile, don’t want anyone to judge them or their past.

    Other men may have difficulty expressing their emotions and talking about them, so they simply try to deal with them by themselves. Still, others hate the idea that they might have to rely on therapy in the future, cutting into their independence.

    Couple holding hands showing support as husband deals with emotions over their baby gender reveal.

    Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)

    Deep relationships, which are good for our health and happiness, require vulnerability and honesty

    However, no person is an island. We’re social animals who need and crave love, attention, respect, and support. When we cut ourselves off from open communication, we forego deep relationships that are so fundamental to our well-being.

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    As shown by an 85-year-long Harvard study, positive relationships are what make us the happiest and healthiest.

    On the flip side, loneliness is incredibly bad for our health. According to the US Surgeon General, social disconnection is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

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    In other words, failing to connect to other people in meaningful ways is going to have a massive impact on one’s physical and mental health. On the other hand, when we’re open, vulnerable, and willing to connect with others on a deeper level, we thrive.

    Knowing this won’t automatically solve someone’s deep-seated fears and issues, though. It can take many long months and even years of therapy to resolve them. However, what matters most is the willingness to take the first step and be open about these problems with the people you care about.

    At the end of the day, it’s up to each individual to do what suits them best. For some people, simply being vulnerable with their loved ones is enough to heal and move forward. For others, a support group can help loads. For instance, talking about your fears as a parent with your friends who already have kids can put at least some of your fears to rest.

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    However, for some individuals, therapy is going to be an unavoidable part of healing their past traumas. Unlike family and friends, therapists have far more experience guiding people and reframing past events. These are all steps worth taking for the sake of being the best parent you can be.

    A lot of readers had mixed reactions and had questions for the dad

    Comment discussing a husband crying over their baby gender and the impact on their relationship and trauma.

    Online discussion about a woman walking on husband crying over their baby gender and making him sleep on the couch.

    Man crying over baby gender while woman walks away, causing tension and him sleeping on the couch.

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    Man crying over baby gender while woman walks away making him sleep on the couch in emotional family moment

    Comment about husband crying over baby gender and advice on therapy for becoming a great parent regardless of gender.

    Some people thought the man’s reaction wasn’t the healthiest, and they had some useful advice for him

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    Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a husband crying over their baby gender and relationship issues.

    Text post discussing a husband crying over their baby gender and wife reacting by making him sleep on the couch.

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    Text excerpt discussing gender disappointment and parenting fears from a woman walking on husband crying over baby gender.

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    Comment discussing a husband crying over their baby gender and the woman making him sleep on the couch.

    Husband crying over baby gender reveal, wife walking on him and making him sleep on the couch after emotional fallout.

    Reddit user criticizes husband for crying over their baby gender and advises therapy to improve his behavior.

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    A few internet users thought the dad did nothing wrong, but they recognized that he needs to take steps to heal

    Text post discussing a husband crying over baby gender, advice on therapy, communication, and emotional healing.

    Man crying over baby gender while woman walks away, leading to him sleeping on the couch.

    Text comment from Ardara discussing a wife and husband’s emotional trauma related to their baby gender conflict on Reddit.

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    Here are a few similar stories, as shared by some of the readers

    Reddit comment discussing a husband’s feelings about baby gender and how it affected their relationship and emotions.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Read more »

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Read less »
    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Writer, Senior Writer

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    What do you think ?
    LongFang
    Community Member
    15 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I'm 52. Had hard working parents that taught me nothing about life. it affected me for decades. When i had a kid, i always knew i'd do every thing i can & help with her education. When i revealed my past to my (ex) wife, she used it against me.

    KatSaidThat
    Community Member
    13 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NFI why LongFang has been hidden - can't see anything in there that warrants it. Mine was hidden for d**n earlier. WtheF is up, bots?

    LongFang
    Community Member
    11 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 2 ç, you get hidden with a first down vote... That's how i saw it...

    Load More Replies...
    nmv33
    Community Member
    9 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    She can’t understand what she does not know. Communication is very important, more if you have plans to procreate. Soft TAH.

    TheForrestGreene (he/they/it)
    Community Member
    3 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i relate to OP a lot. my father a****d me as a child, and his bio father and his step father also a****d him. its a cycle thats been going on for a few generations now. i dont want children at all because i worry about becoming my father. i already see a few of his behaviors poking out when i get mad at my mother or little brother. currently in therapy, dunno if its helping but i guess time will tell.

    Littlemiss
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hidden trauma bites at the strangest moment. Even when you think you're past it. Poor OP has kept things hidden from everyone. I hope he's able to get help and explain to his wife where his head is at.

    zg2v5r6k84
    Community Member
    8 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was the oldest of 6. My mother was a narcissistic monster. After being told we were ugly and stupid every day of our lives, battered and broken, some dying from overdoses, I decided to be a different parent to my 3 kids. I aspired to be the kind of mother I wish I’d had. I wasn’t always perfect but tried to be open and supportive of my kids who are now lovely, well adjusted middle aged people. My daughter has two little girls who are living a beautiful, healthy life. My greatest accomplishment in my life was to break the toxic culture I grew up in. I’m proud of my kids and myself as we live our good life. You have the power to change it dad!

    DC
    Community Member
    14 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh man ... solve your issues, at least attempt to honestly, and this won't be an issue anymore. Seriously, how is this important in not becoming your Dad? Why would being an ab usive parent be easier, or more likely, to either a boy or a girl at all? Or, how would you be more able to prevent repeating that cycle with a girl?

    Apatheist
    Community Member
    15 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't have kids, but I've had bad bosses, and one has a choice when one gets into management - be like them, or be the opposite, and I think parenting is similar. You can be how your parents were, or be better. I think generations alternate in who dominates - a dominant father might produce a weaker son, but that leaves room for a stronger grandson; it's also possible that it will produce a rebellious son if they have the strength, support and opportunity. One can never do anything other than try one's best to reject any behaviour that didn't seem right - probably easier said than done though.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    15 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a bug that BP introduced a few days ago; random posts immediately get marked as hidden and downvoted. I'm guessing it's related to the half-arsed anti-spam measure that does the same to any comment containing an image or a URL since a couple of months. Edit: just happened to a comment of mine in this same comments thread.

    Load More Replies...
    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    13 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dam I felt all ops pain on this one , ok op YOU ARE NOT YOUR FATHER !! you are YOU , and you seriously need to sit your wife down , and explain exactly why you reacted why how you did , you,ve just told millions of people the reason , so you,ve got over that first hurdle ,telling your wife should be easier now , you could even show her this post x my father had a vile temper , it cost me my mother when I was 8 mths old she died at his hands , I also have his temper , well did , unlike him I learned to control it but it terrifies me that I do have his genes his temper , and the mere thought of doing what he did is terrifying totally , so I get where you are coming from 100% , but WE ARE NOT OUR FATHERS ! he taught you a valuable lesson tbh HOW NOT TO BE A FATHER ! please talk to your wife , once you do I promise you that feeling will lift you can relax more once baby is here ,you wil become the dad you are meant to be ie a wonderful loving one no matter the gender , ❤️

    FireWithFire
    Community Member
    4 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate to be the one who asks but it would help if you explain what you mean 'died by his hands' for it is by far the first time you've said this. It is not meant in anyway to diminish your trauma but please explain what you mean. Did your father m****r your mother?

    Load More Replies...
    Apocalyptic Excavator
    Community Member
    16 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    What I don't understand is how OP could sympathize with a son, imagine himself as the kid in the future and ruminate about all these tragic scenarios of having a male child, but a girl... is apparent not a child he could feel for or sympathize with?

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    15 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That's a very odd reading, you seem to be inferring a lot of stuff that wasn't actually stated. He's scared he will mistreat a boy because of being mistreated himself, doesn't have the same fear if it's a daughter. Not saying he's right to think that, clearly he's got issues, but there's nothing like you suggest contained in what he wrote.

    Load More Replies...
    LongFang
    Community Member
    15 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I'm 52. Had hard working parents that taught me nothing about life. it affected me for decades. When i had a kid, i always knew i'd do every thing i can & help with her education. When i revealed my past to my (ex) wife, she used it against me.

    KatSaidThat
    Community Member
    13 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NFI why LongFang has been hidden - can't see anything in there that warrants it. Mine was hidden for d**n earlier. WtheF is up, bots?

    LongFang
    Community Member
    11 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 2 ç, you get hidden with a first down vote... That's how i saw it...

    Load More Replies...
    nmv33
    Community Member
    9 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    She can’t understand what she does not know. Communication is very important, more if you have plans to procreate. Soft TAH.

    TheForrestGreene (he/they/it)
    Community Member
    3 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i relate to OP a lot. my father a****d me as a child, and his bio father and his step father also a****d him. its a cycle thats been going on for a few generations now. i dont want children at all because i worry about becoming my father. i already see a few of his behaviors poking out when i get mad at my mother or little brother. currently in therapy, dunno if its helping but i guess time will tell.

    Littlemiss
    Community Member
    Premium
    7 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hidden trauma bites at the strangest moment. Even when you think you're past it. Poor OP has kept things hidden from everyone. I hope he's able to get help and explain to his wife where his head is at.

    zg2v5r6k84
    Community Member
    8 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was the oldest of 6. My mother was a narcissistic monster. After being told we were ugly and stupid every day of our lives, battered and broken, some dying from overdoses, I decided to be a different parent to my 3 kids. I aspired to be the kind of mother I wish I’d had. I wasn’t always perfect but tried to be open and supportive of my kids who are now lovely, well adjusted middle aged people. My daughter has two little girls who are living a beautiful, healthy life. My greatest accomplishment in my life was to break the toxic culture I grew up in. I’m proud of my kids and myself as we live our good life. You have the power to change it dad!

    DC
    Community Member
    14 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh man ... solve your issues, at least attempt to honestly, and this won't be an issue anymore. Seriously, how is this important in not becoming your Dad? Why would being an ab usive parent be easier, or more likely, to either a boy or a girl at all? Or, how would you be more able to prevent repeating that cycle with a girl?

    Apatheist
    Community Member
    15 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't have kids, but I've had bad bosses, and one has a choice when one gets into management - be like them, or be the opposite, and I think parenting is similar. You can be how your parents were, or be better. I think generations alternate in who dominates - a dominant father might produce a weaker son, but that leaves room for a stronger grandson; it's also possible that it will produce a rebellious son if they have the strength, support and opportunity. One can never do anything other than try one's best to reject any behaviour that didn't seem right - probably easier said than done though.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    15 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a bug that BP introduced a few days ago; random posts immediately get marked as hidden and downvoted. I'm guessing it's related to the half-arsed anti-spam measure that does the same to any comment containing an image or a URL since a couple of months. Edit: just happened to a comment of mine in this same comments thread.

    Load More Replies...
    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    13 hours ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dam I felt all ops pain on this one , ok op YOU ARE NOT YOUR FATHER !! you are YOU , and you seriously need to sit your wife down , and explain exactly why you reacted why how you did , you,ve just told millions of people the reason , so you,ve got over that first hurdle ,telling your wife should be easier now , you could even show her this post x my father had a vile temper , it cost me my mother when I was 8 mths old she died at his hands , I also have his temper , well did , unlike him I learned to control it but it terrifies me that I do have his genes his temper , and the mere thought of doing what he did is terrifying totally , so I get where you are coming from 100% , but WE ARE NOT OUR FATHERS ! he taught you a valuable lesson tbh HOW NOT TO BE A FATHER ! please talk to your wife , once you do I promise you that feeling will lift you can relax more once baby is here ,you wil become the dad you are meant to be ie a wonderful loving one no matter the gender , ❤️

    FireWithFire
    Community Member
    4 hours ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate to be the one who asks but it would help if you explain what you mean 'died by his hands' for it is by far the first time you've said this. It is not meant in anyway to diminish your trauma but please explain what you mean. Did your father m****r your mother?

    Load More Replies...
    Apocalyptic Excavator
    Community Member
    16 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    What I don't understand is how OP could sympathize with a son, imagine himself as the kid in the future and ruminate about all these tragic scenarios of having a male child, but a girl... is apparent not a child he could feel for or sympathize with?

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    15 hours ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That's a very odd reading, you seem to be inferring a lot of stuff that wasn't actually stated. He's scared he will mistreat a boy because of being mistreated himself, doesn't have the same fear if it's a daughter. Not saying he's right to think that, clearly he's got issues, but there's nothing like you suggest contained in what he wrote.

    Load More Replies...
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