Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser
BoredPanda Add Post

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Woman Is Asking If She Was A Jerk For Kicking Her Boyfriend Out Of Her Apartment When She Overheard Him Talking Maliciously To Her Cat
214points
2K
Animals, Cats7 months ago

Woman Is Asking If She Was A Jerk For Kicking Her Boyfriend Out Of Her Apartment When She Overheard Him Talking Maliciously To Her Cat

Pets often are considered members of the family and loved as much as a human baby would be. But not everyone shares that sentiment and they think, rather, that animals are always less important than humans, disregarding the fact that people can form bonds with their pets that are even stronger than those with people.

Even though pets can’t talk, they show affection and will never judge you and others find comfort in that. They will choose their pet over a person they love if the need comes. And it sometimes comes. Like for the Reddit user catwoesthrowaway who shared a story how her boyfriend didn’t like her cat and one day she just asked him to leave.

More info: Reddit

This woman tells a story how her boyfriend with whom she was living really didn’t like her cat, and one time she really was scared for her, so she asked the boyfriend to leave

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway (the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) is a 24-year-old woman and she was living with her older boyfriend at the time of telling her story. The boyfriend had actually moved in with her after considering it for a while.

The woman has a cat named Millie and the boyfriend wasn’t very fond of her. He actually suggested that she should get rid of her, because he really dislikes cats and is more of a dog person. At first this attitude wasn’t concerning for the girlfriend and she just dismissed it. Also, he was willing to deal with it because the cat was so important to the woman.

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

Even before starting living together, the boyfriend made it clear he didn’t like cats, but the girlfriend didn’t take it seriously

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

But there was an incident and the OP wanted to hear what the situation looks like from a bystander’s point of view. So what was the breaking point was the woman hearing her boyfriend say to Millie “You’re so f*****g worthless.”

She described that there was so much malice in that tone and that the woman had never heard her boyfriend talk like that. She really got scared and started freaking out. The woman told her boyfriend to leave her apartment, not caring that he has no other place to live.

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

But when they started to plan to live together, she found out the boyfriend wasn’t joking, but she wouldn’t abandon her cat

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

The redditor calmed down and that same day talked to her boyfriend. He explained that he felt hurt the way she said that the apartment was hers and not theirs. He also was upset that she would choose an animal over a human being. Regarding the way he had talked to the cat earlier, the boyfriend explained that he was just playing and had misjudged his tone.

At the end of the story, catwoesthrowaway admitted that she felt bad for acting the way she did, but she believes her first instinct was correct, so now it is up to the reader to decide on which side of the fence they stand.

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

The boyfriend was willing to deal with it but one night, not knowing his girlfriend was near, he was mean to the cat

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

If you’ve made up your mind, the story actually doesn’t end here. The redditor wrote an update post and we got to know the aftermath of the evening. The woman felt relieved that people in the comments just confirmed what had crossed her mind already. She said, “that post validated all the fears that I had kept dismissing as dramatic, and it was almost a relief to be encouraged by strangers to do something I had previously been too afraid to do.”

The OP got really scared as she’d never heard her boyfriend sound so malicious and demanded that he leave

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

Turns out, the couple broke up. The boyfriend had to leave as the apartment was OP’s and he wasn’t on the lease yet, so it was an easy process. It was easy logistically, but not emotionally as the woman opened up, “It was hard to lose somebody I trusted and thought I knew well, but based on his reaction I knew I made the right call. He essentially told me that if I couldn’t learn to put other humans before my cat, I’d be alone for a very long time, and that he’d be waiting for me to reach out.”

When they both calmed down and talked, the boyfriend expressed what was hurting him, and the OP was feeling bad for acting the way she did

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

But she still felt that her instincts were right from the start even though she thinks she might have overreacted

Image credits: catwoesthrowaway

Many people mentioned that catwoesthrowaway was being gaslighted and it was not the first time she had heard that about her boyfriend from somebody else, because her sisters agreed with the internet’s opinion. The OP added a photo of Millie and we put it at the beginning of the article for you to see the cuteness.

Now we would like to hear your opinion and thoughts. Would you say that the woman was the bad guy in this situation or do you see red flags in how the boyfriend was acting? Have you ever been in a similar situation and how did you solve it? We learn a lot from your experiences!

People in the comments were actually concerned for Millie and saw many red flags, so they came to the conclusion that the OP didn’t do anything wrong

Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Share your thoughts
Viviane
Community Member
7 months ago

The upshot: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
7 months ago

Good. He knew there was a cat. If it was a deal-breaker, he could've walked. And if he's that mean to a cat, he'll be that mean to children and her.... or odds are in favor of it.

Load More Replies...
Susie Elle
Community Member
7 months ago

The fact that he feels upstaged by a cat says something about him. The bottom line for me would be that he's someone who would want you to get rid of a beloved pet, simply because he's 'not a cat-person'. I mean, if you're heavily allergic I can see how living with someone who has a cat may be an issue, but 'I'm not a cat-person' is NO reason to then expect someone else to get rid of their cat.

Bunzilla
Community Member
7 months ago

He isn't just 'not a cat person', he's a cat-hater. A grown man jealous of a cat suggests he's controlling and he doesn't like that her cat is 'coming between them'. And honestly, those are huge red flags. He's hiding his true colours, and she just heard it come out when he cursed at her cat when he thought she wasn't around. I don't see how a dog is any more 'useful' than a cat? These types of people like dogs because dogs obey and love unconditionally. They hate cats because cats are more independent and you have to EARN a cat's love and trust. Then he totally gaslit her by saying he was just being 'playful'. I hope she dumped the creep before he could hurt her cat-- or her.

Load More Replies...
DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
7 months ago

There is no circumstance where you should have to get rid of your cat. I'd be over the moon if I was dating someone with a cat.

Viviane
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

Sweet! One of my nephews broke up (on good terms) with someone who has three cats. He asked for and obtained visitation rights to see the cats. :)

Load More Replies...
tw 72
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

It's not even about the cat. He wants ALL of the attention. Trust me on this - he will not like it when you spend time with your friends and family either or on your own personal hobbies. Don't even THINK about having kids! You will spend your days making sure his personal pedestal is high enough to keep him happy, while everything and everyone in your life suffers.

Biba Little
Community Member
7 months ago

You are right, he sounds controlling.

Load More Replies...
Lara M
Community Member
7 months ago

It doesn't matter what the ostensible reason is - someone who is mean to an animal is not a good person. Period, full stop, end of story. It shows how they're willing to treat someone who is small and powerless.

Naomi
Community Member
6 months ago

"It shows how they're willing to treat someone who is small and powerless." Yes! That part! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I have no clue how anyone worth a s**t could even bring themselves to say something like that.

Load More Replies...
Beth L
Community Member
7 months ago

My sister married a not-a-cat-person person. He learned pretty quickly how to get along with the cat she already had when they met, and they all peacefully co-existed for over a decade before the cat died of old age.

8Yorkies-and-57cats
Community Member
7 months ago

Perfectly simple! Love it!

Load More Replies...
Joan Zatorski
Community Member
7 months ago

Studies in psychology show that over time, Abusive and violent behaviors escalate if the underlying issues (deep insecurity, lack of coping or skills, etc) are not addressed via counseling, therapy, etc. So I suspect the BF would become more verbally abusive toward Millie the cat , eventually crossing the line to physical abuse or making Millie "disappear". We also know that people who are abusive toward animals are more prone to crossing over to abuse of people. OP is wise to have no further contact with this exBF. Were I OP, I would even move to a new apartment with no forwarding address & change my phone #. At the very least, OP must change her locks & make neighbors aware they broke up. Hope Milli lives a long sweet life with OP!

Laugh or not
Community Member
7 months ago

She did better : she learned about gaslighting and removed the guy before the situation got bad.

Load More Replies...
Claire Stanfield
Community Member
7 months ago

Here's the thing. Cats are independent, they do what they want, and they don't take any crap. I prefer dogs, but I love their unflaggingly positive energy. Cats are awesome, you just have to let them be who they are. Controlling guys can't do this, and it's an excellent litmus test. There's a world of difference between 'I am not really a cat person/used to cats' and 'I am exclusively a dog person because cats are evil / terrible / cold / unfeeling creatures who hate me'.

Max
Community Member
7 months ago

Yep. Person who doesn't like cats is entitled to their opinion. Person who hates cats is a big red flag.

Load More Replies...
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
7 months ago

I'm an extremely insecure person but when I see people getting jealous over pets I know I'm good.

TheWickedOne
Community Member
7 months ago

I'd do the same if someone tried to make me get rid of my dog/cat... GTFO then... nobody forces you to live with me.. F**K OFF

Me Oh My
Community Member
7 months ago

Oh, boy. NTA. Run, girl. And take the cat with you.

Rissie
Community Member
7 months ago

Run? It's her place, she kicked him out. So good.

Load More Replies...
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

If you think he’s going to be cruel to your cat, or any animal, dump him. That cruelty could possibly spread to you, and to your children, in the future. Nope. My criteria was along the lines of “love me, love my cats”. My now husband originally said he was allergic to cats, but found he was just fine, as long as we kept on top of vacuuming. Within a week, he would watch TV with at least one, if not both, cats on his lap, and put himself in charge of buying their food—-he even upgraded them to a more expensive brand. That was 20 years ago, and we have had up to 4 cats at a time since then. All of which he loves/loved just as much as I do/did.

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

You have a great husband & I’m so glad it worked out for you. That’s awesome that you both were able to have cats, after all.

Load More Replies...
Keeker Dee
Community Member
7 months ago

You dodged a bullet that would have hit you next

8Yorkies-and-57cats
Community Member
7 months ago

I absolutely agree. These are underlying issues and she's fortunate that her cat provided the right trigger to expose them early in the relationship.

Load More Replies...
kath morgan
Community Member
7 months ago

I tell my cat he is a horrible little s**t loser all the time but I say it with love. You knew the tone was off. He was off. Glad to hear she chucked him

Yoga Kitty
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

Absolutely correct. And the way she described her reaction to hearing him say that (without even knowing at that point that he was talking to the cat) was everything I needed to read. Her gut feeling already told her to get rid of this guy - that was a clear warning...

Load More Replies...
Otter
Community Member
7 months ago

DONT TAKE HIM BACK!!! The person who resents the love you give your pets will turn out to resent the attention you give to your friends and family! This person will eventually try to isolate and control you, while all the time lying about their behavior and end game. This is a red flag, a sign of someone likely to turn abusive.

Rob Dabank
Community Member
7 months ago

WOW - insecure much? Having said that I do call my cat an a-hole quite frequently, but only when she is being one!

Laugh or not
Community Member
7 months ago

A**hole, or other insults, can be said affectionately or in jest. But there is no way for worthless to be an endearment word.

Load More Replies...
Adam Belaire
Community Member
7 months ago

I read the title "Guy Calls GF’s Cat Worthless, Gets Kicked Out Of Her Apartment" and soon as I got to the "AITA fo..", it's a hard nope. You're fine. he's the AH. No animal is worthless. Period.

Lily Mae Kitty
Community Member
7 months ago

When I met my husband he'd never been around cats and thought he was a dog guy(not that he wanted a dog) and in the 1st 3-4 weeks I was thinking it might not work out b/c he didn't understand how cats work and was playing too rough. by the end of month 2 he was a cat whisperer. turns out he's very much a cat guy; he just had to get to know a couple of cats. when he fell apart almost as bad as I did when the 17 year old died a few months later, I knew he was a keeper. 15 years and a couple cats later...

Carol Emory
Community Member
7 months ago

I was thinking he was being sincere until his last statement that "you threw him out over and animal when he's a person." The cat is not just an animal...it's a member of her family. And the cat is also a member of the family that is relatively defenseless compared to the human that's treating her badly. Always think of a pet like a child..because that's what it is to it's owners...their baby. How would you treat a human child. He's giving you insight on how he would treat future kids. Kick him to the curb while you have the chance.

Naomi
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Right? Also, humans are animals, and if he's not willing to acknowledge that, then that definitely shows that he sees other animals as being below him. I understand that some people have religious beliefs that conflict with viewing themselves as animals, but in general, the sentiment usually shows a degree of selfishness and narcissism.

Load More Replies...
Dre Mosley
Community Member
7 months ago

I'm a guy with two cats, they aren't going anywhere. If you're a cat hater, then i guess we can't date, lol.

8Yorkies-and-57cats
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

If you want to see the true character of a person, watch them interact with a cat, a.k.a. psychic mirror. You'll know then.

Mica Silvia
Community Member
7 months ago

What if a person has a phobia towards them..?

Load More Replies...
MyOpinionHasBeenServed
Community Member
7 months ago

I would be very scared for Millie. This AH sounds like someone who would kill her and make it seem like an accident.

LaGitanaTriste
Community Member
7 months ago

So NTA. You dodged a bullet sweetie! All I needed to know about this dude was what he said to the cat and that he felt second best... to a cat. So 2 red flags. What if that was a baby? I guarantee dude ends up abusing animals, women and children. I

Manuela Martins
Community Member
7 months ago

Number 1: One may think her reaction is exaggerated, but I firmly believe that people show their true character through little things. Number 2: He moved in with you, so technically it is YOUR apartment because you lived there first, right? Number 3: Stop apologizing so much! He made you feel very uncomfortable and you have every right to be upset. Number 4: Trust your gut and re-evaluate your situation. And finally: If someone makes you choose between them or your pet? Unless your SO is deadly allergic..... Nope. What a weakling to feel threatened by a cat.

Tyler Six
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

Tbh I'd do the same thing just from the title alone...NO ONE HURTS MY CAT!!!

snipergun
Community Member
7 months ago

Sounds narcissistic, I mean yeah sometimes I call my bf 17 yo dog silly mean old grumpy lady, because she is, but I still love her and do everything also for her (was basically awake with her nights in a row when she had brain bleeding due to old age and she needed big supervision just to stand up), but you know if it felt like you described he will always feel being on second place, no matter if you have baby or just go out with friends or help your parents. Cat is just a convinient excuse because he's big dog person (which I assume is also bs because none of you have a dog, and it would be pretty much same with dog).

Iapetos
Community Member
7 months ago

My Dad used to call our beloved sweet darling kitten a "bored teenager" because he craved attention a lot and wanted to be around humans.

Load More Replies...
Eliska Klimentova
Community Member
7 months ago

Someone who is capable of saying “you’re so f*****g worthless” to an animal is perfectly capable of saying it to another person. She didn’t catch him being playfully mean (if that was it, he’d feel comfortable doing it in front of her), she caught him showing his true colors. She didn’t “choose the cat over him”, that was her gut screaming that he isn’t a safe person.

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

The next ones whom he would say that to, would be the GF, then any children they may have had. Yes, he'd abuse them, likely in all ways.

Load More Replies...
Michael Fuhry
Community Member
7 months ago

NTA. Girl dodged a bullet with this guy. And, yes, please change locks. If his tone was as full of malice as claimed, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that he might transfer his animus over being kicked out onto the cat.

Kath Leen
Community Member
7 months ago

please consider rehoming................................................your boyfriend

K
Community Member
7 months ago

His cruel a**e wouldn't have touched the floor I'd have kicked him out that quick. I've a cat and a husband and he knows she is my absolute world. Any type of bad treatment is a deal breaker for me. Op's ex sounds like a total ass hat

Community Member
7 months ago

I'm not going to read this. Threaten my cat and you're no longer welcome in my house. Some things are final. Out!

Biba Little
Community Member
7 months ago

Girl, no way you are an asshole here! kicking your loving pet out for a man is NOT a compromise, it's manipulation from his side to get what he wants. To be honest, a man who would tell me straight forward that he hates cats and wants me to get rid of mine, even as a joke (of course I have cats!), would be a deal breaker for me from the start. Not just because I like animals and pets are members of family, but it sounds like manipulating you and even ordering you to do as he wants. It's not compromise, because there is no compromise from his side, he just wants it his way or no way.

H Edwards
Community Member
7 months ago

If they want to continue living together then they need to get a place that is theirs, not hers or his. Regardless of the reason, if one person holds the power to banish the other from what is supposed to be a shared home then there will always be an imbalance. I don't really have a comment on the situation at hand because it's difficult to tell exactly what happened and we are only hearing her side of the story. Maybe she overreacted, but then I can see why she would. But after this he will never feel like he's at home there and this will cause more problems down the line. On the other hand, if he really feels threatened by a cat then it may be time to just throw the whole man away.

Viviane
Community Member
7 months ago

That last one: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/

Load More Replies...
Tracy Jones
Community Member
6 months ago

he has shown you who he is. believe him. get him gone before he 'accidentally' loses the cat

Rami Hatton
Community Member
6 months ago

I am personally not a cat lover!! I would never own one myself! However, I would also NEVER disrespect an animal! I feel he was in the wrong and from past events of my life with non-cat lovers, could see him doing what I have unfortunately seen!! You need to lose him as a boyfriend, lover, friend, etc. Or else you will end up being his "kitty"!!!

𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂
6 months ago

I feel like how you treat and talk to animals really reflects how you are as a human being. She really needs to leave him!

Miguel justino C
Community Member
6 months ago

You’re right my friend!

Load More Replies...
Miguel justino C
Community Member
6 months ago

The second he asked to get rid of the cat dump him immediately. He has zero empathy and can’t create a bond with an animal. Total narcissist with horrible potential.

Dorothy Parker
Community Member
7 months ago

People who are cruel to animals can be cruel to humans, particularly children. Lock the door behind him.

Bettye McKee
Community Member
7 months ago

When my ex-husband said, "It's me or the cat," the cat won. My niece's boyfriend gave her cat away when she wasn't home. She recovered her cat and dumped the boyfriend. You are NTA, he is. When a guy must have your undivided attention all the time, he has issues you shouldn't have to deal with. I have been married for 32 years to a man who also loves cats.

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

I'm so glad that your husband loves cats, too. You married a really good man. You were wise to choose your cat over your ex. I'm so sorry that your niece had a bad exbf that gave her cat away--> total breach of trust & boundaries. She was wise to dump him.

Load More Replies...
Iapetos
Community Member
7 months ago

Cats are not "stuck up" at all. They basically radiate love and are really friendly creatures. That guy is just a jerk.

Enlee Jones
Community Member
7 months ago

He’s an insecure douchebag who would have ended up hurting or killing the cat. Never trust people who don’t like animals.

Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
7 months ago

What struck me is when she said, "he sounded like a different person." She most likely overheard who he really is. I thought--he's going to do that to her one day. Not everyone shows you who they really are--and it's often after you move in today. I'm glad she's free.

April W
Community Member
7 months ago

He’s gaslighting you. You did not misjudge his tone. Look up DARVO - Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s common behavior amongst abusers.

criminalgirl
Community Member
7 months ago

People who abuse animals go on to abuse humans. Listen to your gut.

Jonny Man
Community Member
7 months ago

Anyone who talks to ANY BEING, whether they have a human or an animal body, in that fashion needs to be sent out. People who are mean to one type of being will be mean to any and all types of being. He needs to learn what his cruelty will bring. And maybe, just maybe, understand that he can't be like that, even in private.

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

Karma has a way of dealing with their awful kind; the sooner the better. Do you think abusers will learn or are they blind, arrogant & that dumb?

Load More Replies...
Karl Baxter
Community Member
7 months ago

We have two fantastic cats that have been great buddies in many ways over the years. If I demanded that my wife choose between them and me then I’d fully expect to find my suitcase packed and waiting by the front door (& I wouldn’t fancy my wife’s chances if it was the other way round either…)

DC
Community Member
7 months ago

"... an animal while he is a person" - animals are NOT persons? Don't haver PERSONality? Also - he don't purr, he IS second best. I actually wouldn't even consider moving in with a non-cat-person at all, because these things then won't happen.

Analyn Lahr
Community Member
7 months ago

I would have dumped his ass as soon as I found out he didn't like cats. Even if he prefers dogs, he sounds like the type of owner who kicks their dog and makes it ride in the back of the truck.

Dasha Slepenkina
Community Member
7 months ago

RED FLAG. People who are willing to be abusive with animals can and do progress to be abusive with humans. No matter what tone he uses, saying that a living creature is "f***ing useless" and constantly trying to get rid of them is creepy AF. I'll be honest, I'm not thrilled about cats because I can't read their body language well and I'm scared of them. I'm amazing with dogs, horses, farm animals, whatever, but am not great with cats. But I would never, EVER be cruel to one. Especially if that cat meant something to my partner. That's a sign of a manipulative, cruel personality. So glad to see these two have broken up.

DC
Community Member
7 months ago

Being abusive towards nonhuman animals is even logically considerable as lower than being abusive towards humans - humans can defend themselves, and even if not so while in the act, they're able to exactly tell what happened. Other animals can't. Whatever isn't caught in the act, isn't caught at all. Therefore, this has a lowness abuse of humans doesn't have ... which, still, makes any abuse abuse and therefore opposeworthy by any means. Also ... being positive towards cats tells a little bit about you ... because they are how they are, and do like they do, you can right away judge that a cat person is willing and able to come forward, to love a cat before being loved by said cat. I started loving the cat living at my place right away ... because the first thing she did here was peeing in her litterbox. Just a few drops, seemingly to make it hers, and it allowed me to assume she's of the clean and cleanly type ... which she still is. And now, she loves me too.

Load More Replies...
lara
Community Member
7 months ago

You did the right and correct thing. You took responsibility for Millie when you brought her into your home. She loves you, you love her. If she were a child and he didn't like her would this even be a question? No. You did the right thing.

VogueGal
Community Member
7 months ago

NTA. Firstly, any pets/animals triumph boyfriends (boys come and go, easy to find a new boyfriend where as the loyalty of pets are priceless). Secondly, it's your apartment. Thirdly, compromise is a two-way street!

ivan bolitekurac
Community Member
7 months ago

She wouldn't be if it was about a child

anarkzie
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

On paper it could be interpreted either as a threat or a joke but if she heard his tone and it sounded genuinely like a treat then she should follow her gut. I think it's an unreasonably request to just expect someone to give up a pet for you, I say this as a person who would not want to live with certain animals.

lenka
Community Member
7 months ago

I am so glad she realised he was gaslighting her. Millie, and reddit have save her years of emotional abuse and manipulation.

deanna woods
Community Member
7 months ago

She was not TA, he was. He had absolutely no right to speak to the cat that way. He was not being playful, he was being malicious. Animals are family as well and she every right to tell him to leave. Things could have gotten much worse and he could have killed the cat.

H.L.Lewis
Community Member
6 months ago

Would he have expected her to rehome a child? Existing pets are our children as much as a human child. Love me, you better be willing to exist with my animals. They are a big part of who I am. I will Not betray them. Yes they have feelings too. And yes animals feel love. I have seen proof of this.

OhForSmegSake
Community Member
6 months ago

I have a relative who really dislikes cats but when it comes to my cats they will pat them and baby talk to them. Why? Because of the love and respect that person has for me. They stopped by one day to drop something off, not realising I was home, and I caught them chatting in a cute way to my cats. If you love someone respect and appreciate the things they love.

Madre_Dr4gnZFly
Community Member
6 months ago

Sorry...I take my cats over most humans. They don't lie, cheat, leave dirty clothes all over the house or drink the last soda without telling me.

H.L.Lewis
Community Member
6 months ago

Well, they always lie when it comes to food. Lol

Load More Replies...
bv7hearts
Community Member
6 months ago

I am allergic to cats and I still have two foster fails that I couldn't bear to part with. This guy's a douche. I'm glad they broke up.

H.L.Lewis
Community Member
6 months ago

I love hearing about foster " fails"

Load More Replies...
Inclusion 2020
Community Member
6 months ago

If your partner is overtly jealous of your pet he should go, there's something wrong with him. Of course your cat prefers you and she/he comes first. My bf knows that my dog will always come first because I am literally responsible for my dog and my dog is my BFF. My pup will always prefer me bc I'm his momma. But if my partner had an issue with this it would absolutely be the end of our relationship. Pets are family.

Iapetos
Community Member
7 months ago

I'm so glad that my boyfriend is a real man and not such a piece of dirt. The cats liked him right away, and it was mutual.

Iapetos
Community Member
7 months ago

Girl: Get rid of that guy! Cat haters are truly awful and, as you could see, false people.

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

Thank you. Yes. Cat haters are to be ditched, and abusers are also demon monsters / zombies, disguised as humans.

Load More Replies...
Octavia Hansen
Community Member
7 months ago

Animal abuse is the precursor to girlfriend/wife abuse. EVERY abuse story begins that way. And every animal control official says when they are called out for animal abuse cases, there's always something going on with the kids and wife, too. Good thing you saw his true colors!

Paul Werner
Community Member
7 months ago

Always trust your gut feeling it's usually always right

Enby.Minecraft.Bee.
Community Member
7 months ago

People who hate cats ( Or animals in general) tend to be misogynistic. Also whether its a animal or a human, they have feelings and you cant treat it that way.

Bryn
Community Member
7 months ago

Take this as a warning sign - if you're cruel to animals, what else will you be cruel to?

Lyone Fein
Community Member
7 months ago

If I had a pet, and someone I had a date with told me they did not like that type of pet, I would never go out with them again. How did the relationship get as far as it did in the first place?

ChariotLee
Community Member
7 months ago

Oh, hell. Please keep him kicked out. From what I can tell, this is not a man who will respect you in the long run. Besides, as the mother of three cats myself, I have and will choose them over a man. Their love is unconditional. His is likely not.

Blatidae
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

I won't lie... I am much, much, MUCH more a cat person than a dog one. Throughout childhood, I was actually terrfied of dogs because of once being bitten. That said... I would never ever expect someone to give up their pet for me. I certainly wouldn't give up my cat for them! :D

CatWoman312
Community Member
7 months ago

I’m scared for your cat tbh. Kick him out now before he hurts her

Auntriarch
Community Member
7 months ago

Good grief woman how many red flags do you need!! It would be you next. And I wouldn't trust him with a dog either

Iapetos
Community Member
7 months ago

If you hate cats, then you don't deserve a dog either. Or any animal.

Load More Replies...
Brian Bennett
Community Member
7 months ago

If he has this grand dislike for Millie, I really believe he will harm her if something isn't done! I would not get rid of her at all. And I think if you are not careful some harm may come to you because of the way he thinks. I may not have read the post thoroughly but you really only professed affection for the cat and I don't blame you! He or you never professed affection for each other. So dump this dangerous guy and keep your affectionate cat. Got along without him before!

Petra Pan
Community Member
7 months ago

N. T. A !!! Trust your instincts, girl. HES DEFINITELY going to hurt Millie or worse, kill her. You asked him to leave, make sure he stays GONE.

Azure Adams
Community Member
7 months ago

Oh you young little 20s baby still growing up. KICK HIS DUMB ASS OUT AND DUMP IT HARD!!!!!! He gave you all the red flags and your programming taught you to ignore them. Always take everything at face value!! He says he does not like cats, he doesn't like cats. Dump him right away it won't work out. Let this be a lesson for the future

Keeker Dee
Community Member
7 months ago

After the cat was gone, it would then be you he would take his frustrations out on you would be called f*****g worthless. Sounds like he is a bully

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

Oh he is. Bullies are cowards that never grew up. They are sick & need intensive help (if it does any good). Jails & prisons are loaded with them. The OP would be wise to keep him out of her life. If she was ever foolish to take him back, he'd act even worse: resenting her for even kicking him out & kicking more serious abuse into motion. You see: this is what I saw from the kid's perspective. Yes, I suffered & had no say in my mom's foolish decision. To this, I still feel resentment & compelled to warn others of the dangers and consequences of allowing abusers a wrongful place in the home. I have trust issues.

Load More Replies...
Silre
Community Member
7 months ago

No, absolutely not. My cat is more important than some guy.

Mingi Football
Community Member
6 months ago

Re-home the boyfriend!!

Nanxioue
Community Member
6 months ago

He is going to kill your cat by poisoning her slowly or something so you won't know. He does not value what you love/need/want or who you are. Take Millie and RUN.

Odile Wipp
Community Member
6 months ago

The things he said to the cat and about her, are huge signs of further toxic behavior. People who cannot be kind to animals are usually not kind people IMO.

Mary Jaye
Community Member
6 months ago

he is a control freak and soon he would be telling you how to behave, who could be your friend and anyway there is something wrong with someone so obscessed with besting an animal.

Kaleb Prichard (MiraiKuma)
Community Member
6 months ago

NTA. As a person who doesn't like dogs at all, if I were dating with a person with a dog I would say, "I'm willing to live with this current dog but I do not wishto get another dog after" It would be up to the person to decide whether or not I am worth a dog after. That being said I would never be mean to the dog on purpose like that. That guy is just a butt.

TheAnimalLady
Community Member
6 months ago

"That guy is just a butt."...😹🤣😹🤣😹🤣😹 Most apropos comment here, you cut right to the chase, Kaleb! 👏😻👍

Load More Replies...
Bettie-Jean Neal
Community Member
6 months ago

I used to volunteer at a no-kill shelter. I couldn't tell you how many calls I fielded with guys wanting to get rid of their SO's pet while they were gone for the weekend. We never took them in. I can't even imagine coming home to find my precious pet gone.

Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
6 months ago

Isn't cruelty to animals sometimes a precursor to phs

Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
6 months ago

...potentionally violent psychopathic behavior?

Load More Replies...
Nadine
Community Member
6 months ago

Red flag. Sometimes I hear my husband talking to our pets and it makes me love him even more because he is so sweet to them.

Lovin' Life
Community Member
6 months ago

He sounds like a jealous control freak. If he can be abusive to a sweet innocent animal, just image what he would do to a human. His behavior is just going to escalate.

Alexandra Comeau
Community Member
6 months ago

someone who asks you if you would get rid of your beloved animal is no one worth spending your time with.

Gremlan jonnson
Community Member
6 months ago

Always stay away from men that hates cats, they're usually macho imbeciles

Rhon Young
Community Member
6 months ago

He knew that you had a cat when he entered the relationship. If he expected you to change your life for him then he needs help!!!

Janet C
Community Member
7 months ago

Boot him out. Change the locks. NOW. You have seen his true side and it WILL get worse. Never ever trust a man who hates cats. They have control issues. He will absolutely end up hurting your cat. Then he will hurt you.

Robecca Leyden
Community Member
7 months ago

I’m not a cat person, but i would never tell someone to get rid of their cat because i don’t like it. I have a dog and I’m very open that he comes first and i love him more. Everyone loves their pet the most, it’s your baby and companion. Guy needs to know his place.

Shadowcat
Community Member
7 months ago

P.S. Other commenters are correct about the red flags. He sounds controlling and potentially abusive. That guy would become impossible if she ever needs to care for children or aging parents! BTW, my live-in fiancée is sensitive to cat hair and dander. Rehoming them was never mentioned. We simply limit the time my cats (2) spend on the main floor of the house and keep them out of the bedroom. They have the run of the guest room and my home office. He earned the affection of both cats.

Shadowcat
Community Member
7 months ago

If the cat was a dealbreaker for him, he should have let you know as soon as he found out you had one. People should remember that peoples' relationships with their pets often outlast romantic relationships. You had the cat long before you met him. He sounds like a selfish jerk who doesn't want his girlfriend to pay attention to anyone or anything other than him. I hope you meet a wonderful guy who loves you and your cat.

Seabeast
Community Member
7 months ago

A wise person once told me that a person who hates cats and only likes dogs will be controlling. They hate cats because cats don't obey, and you can bet that they'll want you to obey them after they have you hooked. Also, men who hate cats are very often misogynists as well.

StrawberryParfait
Community Member
7 months ago (edited)

Get rid of him. Like YESTERDAY. He is a loser who is sponging off you and hates your cat. NEVER stay with a man who hates your pets. NEVER NEVER NEVER. You and Millie will have much better lives without this creep in them.

Rissie
Community Member
7 months ago

There's a few screws loose in his head, so bye bye now.

Simon Kwan
Community Member
7 months ago

She dodged a bullet there

A cat
Community Member
1 month ago

You don't talk like that to cats, you know, as a cat, and someone with common sense, NTA

Naomi
Community Member
6 months ago

"Because Millie's an animal, and he's a person" news flash, cats and humans are both animals, and Millie's cooler than you'll ever be. In all seriousness, somebody who would say something like that to your beloved cat when they think you're not around is not a person you want in your life. Imagine what he'd say to your kids, to your parents or siblings, the respect he'd give your belongings, and overall, how he'd treat you. When you see a cute little cat like Millie, your instinct should be that you want to protect her, and if that level of empathy isn't there, it's not going to be there for an adult human.

Purple Gerbil
Community Member
6 months ago

People who hate cats cannot be trusted

Derek Clark
Community Member
6 months ago

If a guy jokes about getting rid of your cat a few dates in, that's a red flag. Don't ever think it's not. It will always stand between you and who even dates an animal hater when you're an animal lover? Get rid of guys like that, nobody needs them.

Henry Russell
Community Member
6 months ago

you are not a mea person i agree with you he deserved it

TheAnimalLady
Community Member
6 months ago

So what do y'all think of the guy that swapped his girlfriend's crazy aggressive, attack & scratch everyone on sight, demon-cat with a safe, friendly look-alike (from a shelter) while she was away & he was seriously attacked (again) when cat-sitting? (He took it to a no-kill shelter.) She didn't realize, they married years ago & still have the "nice" cat. On the one hand, I've returned every one that was brought to my animal rescue farm (ARF) as soon as I found out the real owner didn't know/approve. On the other, she didn't even notice and ended up with a safer pet and fewer doctor bills. I'm torn 🙉

Naomi
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

I think that's messed up, and if she still doesn't know, then he's been lying to her for years and their relationship is no longer built on trust. Cats aren't "demons", no animals are, they are just either behaved animals or misbehaving animals. Whoever raised that cat failed her, and if they wanted to fix the issue, they should've got a trainer or seen a doctor or pet ethologist.

Load More Replies...
Joy
Community Member
6 months ago

I wouldn't be able to trust anyone capable of being mean to a pet. Unless there's a serious phobia or allergies, there's really no excuse.

Ashley Lynne
Community Member
6 months ago

Yeah.... Bye boyfriend

Keerthi Vardhan
Community Member
6 months ago

I feel both are at wrong..during the initial phases, there were clear indicators of not wanting a cat. It's just that it was not taken seriously. Could have asked if he was serious then. Just because she took it for a joke is not an excuse. Now both have to reconcile their idea that the other was not joking at this point of life. It's just immature relationship from both ends. Heartache to the end.

JuniorCJ82
Community Member
7 months ago

It was never "our place". FFS, NTA. Dump his ass.

Stephanie Hewitt
Community Member
7 months ago

Trust your instincts. It might seem like an overreaction on the surface, but something in the back of her mind is sending her red flags causing that reaction

Janine B.
Community Member
7 months ago

Off topic: "Even though pets can’t talk, they show affection and will never judge you..." This person clearly never had a cat. 😂 Just joking.

Veronica Sjöberg
Community Member
7 months ago

I'm torn. I'm a cat person (see profile pic) but the whole "my place" can really mess with the relationship (i know because i've moved in with people before and you never really feel at home until you move somewhere else together). I do feel that was a "come back" to the cat-issue though and he used it as defence for his actions - and i'm not ok with that.

Ally Joy
Community Member
7 months ago

Honey, you dodged a bullet. Keep the cat, through the useless f&ck back into the scum pond.

Josie Bisbano
Community Member
7 months ago

Was she sure she wasn't hearing the CAT saying "You're worthless!" to the BOYFRIEND?

GlitterQueen541
Community Member
7 months ago

I had a cat when my ex and I started dating. He didn't love the cat but wasn't horrible to him. We moved in together and he started getting worse, nothing actually mean towards the cat, but obviously not a fan of him. One day I'm at work and he tells me my cat go out (cat was always an indoor cat) we searched for hours after I got home. I never saw that cat again, it has been years and I still miss that cat. Part of me wonders if he got rid of the cat on purpose.

Christy A Kyriss
Community Member
7 months ago

What does your gut feeling say? To be frank: I think he got rid of your cat on purpose (God knows how). Who was he to do that. Your cat was yours, not his. I’m so sorry that you lost your cat. 😿😿

Load More Replies...
Logic and Reason
Community Member
7 months ago

The amount of snap judgements and s**t takes on AITA is frankly astonishing. I really don’t think there’s enough information presented to make an intelligent call.

Transat
Community Member
6 months ago

Same here. To me this just sounds like some random micro-drama, but most people here do not seem to have the slightest doubt on how to interpret this story, determine who is right or wrong, who should run away or go to jail ...

Load More Replies...
RME
Community Member
6 months ago

I think she did the right thing. Boyfriend's come and go but your special companion will always be with you no matter what. In my opinion pets are like children and it's the same saying boyfriends come and go but your child will always be your child no matter what. You know that your pets will always give you unconditional love and no matter what type of person your are you will always be perfect for them.

Flip
Community Member
6 months ago

I may be wrong, but it sounds to me like he was just annoyed that she was so extreme w that cat. I used to be overly attached to my cat. When I married, my dad joked: oh you're marrying a guy? I always thought you were gonna marry the cat.

Lillukka79
Community Member
6 months ago

Why the f**k would you move in with someone who has made his/her thoughts clear? ESH for not listening to each other to beguin with.

More Thinking Needed
Community Member
7 months ago

Ridiculous. Even Reddit all but admits that the majority of these stories are fake.

Rannveig Ess
Community Member
6 months ago

You're 30 years old asking for relationship advice about a 24 year old? A 24 year old who told before he moved in that he doesn't like cats. You have had a cat most of your life and hopefully will always have one. Or Two. Then you fall apart and sob and shake when you have a fight and he lies and storms out, slamming doors. I'm just shaking me head here.

Gaby Almodovar
Community Member
7 months ago

Oh, I saw in the comments a lot of single Karens and Kevins, who never have the chance of a human-relationship.... As Metallica already stated: Sad, but true!

Don't Look
Community Member
7 months ago

Don’t suppose a lesson was learned here. Because really that’s all that we can hope for, in this instance.

DanieLegz
Community Member
7 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What a pussy

Thalia Lovering
Community Member
7 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

She dismissed something that she shouldn't. She is not the asshole but it's her fault.

Gaby Almodovar
Community Member
7 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

When an animal is more important for you, than a person, you know, it's time for your visit to a psychiatrist.

Aleksandra
Community Member
7 months ago

Being jealous of a CAT is a reason to visit a specialist, loving a cat and not wanting abusive asshole to call it awful names is normal

Load More Replies...
Vincent Philippart
Community Member
7 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

100% the asshole. You people are batshit insane. "Talking bad words" to an animal who, I cannot stress this enough, does not understand words, is never, ever, eeeeever justification for throwing someone out of their own home. This is controlling behavior, also called domestic abuse. I'm glad this guy got away from that psycho.

Flip
Community Member
6 months ago

https://youtu.be/sP4NMoJcFd4

Load More Replies...
Chris Müller
Community Member
7 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

He is definitely better off without that crazy catlady

Joan Zatorski
Community Member
7 months ago

Chris, loving an animal deeply doesn't make someone "crazy", just like NOT liking cats doesn't make someone "crazy" either. I think OP and the BF had an unhealthy, even toxic, imbalance in their relationship from the very beginning and should probably not have ever moved in together. I think they are ALL "better off" now that OP, the exBF, AND Milli the cat are no longer living together.

Load More Replies...
Viviane
Community Member
7 months ago

The upshot: they broke up. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgipko/update_aita_for_kicking_my_boyfriend_out_over_my/

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
7 months ago

Good. He knew there was a cat. If it was a deal-breaker, he could've walked. And if he's that mean to a cat, he'll be that mean to children and her.... or odds are in favor of it.

Load More Replies...
Susie Elle
Community Member
7 months ago

The fact that he feels upstaged by a cat says something about him. The bottom line for me would be that he's someone who would want you to get rid of a beloved pet, simply because he's 'not a cat-person'. I mean, if you're heavily allergic I can see how living with someone who has a cat may be an issue, but 'I'm not a cat-person' is NO reason to then expect someone else to get rid of their cat.

Bunzilla
Community Member
7 months ago

He isn't just 'not a cat person', he's a cat-hater. A grown man jealous of a cat suggests he's controlling and he doesn't like that her cat is 'coming between them'. And honestly, those are huge red flags. He's hiding his true colours, and she just heard it come out when he cursed at her cat when he thought she wasn't around. I don't see how a dog is any more 'useful' than a cat? These types of people like dogs because dogs obey and love unconditionally. They hate cats because cats are more independent and you have to EARN a cat's love and trust. Then he totally gaslit her by saying he was just being 'playful'. I hope she dumped the creep before he could hurt her cat-- or her.

Load More Replies...