“I Kept Telling Her It Was For Our Future”: Guy Loses His Wife Because Of His Job
We humans often want to have it all figured out—the right career, the perfect relationship, an interesting social life, and great health. Sadly, things don’t always go as planned. While a work-life balance is the ultimate goal for many, when one thing excels, the other usually suffers. Bending over backwards for your employer doesn’t automatically lead to success, and one man’s story certainly proves it.
Recently, user dailybrood32 shared a cautionary tale on the Anti Work subreddit about how his high-pressure job required him to work long hours. After listening to his bosses claiming that all this will be worth it in the long run, he ended up ruining his marriage instead.
“I embraced the grind lifestyle. Worked late, worked weekends, worked holidays and on vacation while my wife sat around by herself,” the author wrote. While surrendering to this collective urge to work harder, stronger, and faster in hopes of a brighter future, people forget to actually live in the present. Read on for the full story.
Man shares a cautionary tale about how trying to climb the corporate ladder and wanting to provide a nicer life for his wife ruined their marriage
Image credits: C D-X (not the actual photo)
In just a few days, dailybrood32’s post received more than 23.7K upvotes and 2.4K comments. After opening up about how a simple desire to have a home and a stable life backfired on him, many different replies started pouring in— from hate to compassion, to people sharing their own similar experiences.
After receiving so many reactions, the user added: “I was trying to give my wife a good life. I admitted I made the wrong choice. Not looking for sympathy, trying to warn you to avoid my mistakes.” He also mentioned that he is a lawyer himself, so when some people commented about the legal implications of his actions, he informed them that he was not going to get sued.
Lastly, dailybrood32 mentioned that he has already found a new job and started a new relationship. And while things are looking up for him, the author still wishes that fellow members of Ask Reddit would learn from his mistakes.
If you see yourself reflected in this story, there are some things you could try to improve the situation before it’s too late. “By recognizing the early symptoms and being proactive, you can better learn to separate work from your personal life—and be successful in both,” Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant told Business Insider.
First, you should be honest with yourself and acknowledge that there are problems that need to be dealt with. Notice if you’re constantly bringing your work problems home, if your job dominates all of your conversations and thoughts, and, especially, if your significant other starts to get tired of it.
“You may be fortunate enough to have a partner who has a high tolerance to ‘feeling your pain,’ but that doesn’t mean it’s not affecting them personally,” Taylor mentioned. So try to imagine yourself in your spouse’s shoes: “Would you be worn out by the frequency or toxicity of the conversation over time?”
Also, you can ask your closest friends or family members if they think that work is your main chat topic. If they say yes, that will only confirm it. But if they say no, that isn’t to say that it doesn’t happen at home. So, of course, you can talk to your partner about it, and a good idea is to always ask them if they want to hear you talk and vent about your job before doing it.
“Before you broach the subject of that morning’s staff meeting or the project due by Friday, catch yourself and ask your partner if the topic is evoking too much concern or frustration. Tell them that you greatly appreciate their honesty because you value your personal time with them and need a reality check occasionally,” the expert advised.
Needless to say, self-reflecting and analyzing the balance between your professional and personal life is helpful. If you learn that your spouse is unhappy with your work spilling into your daily life, you can also try seeking advice from a career coach or therapist, or make some changes in your career.
It’s no secret that communication is key, so if you’ve decided that your job is not worth risking your marriage for, discuss it, make a plan, and involve your partner in the decision-making process.
This is what Redditors had to say about his story
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Exactly. Humans need social contact, hobbies and rest. Nobody can be happy if they are all the time working. I know a couple with the same story. They were both making ok money but he wanted more and more so he was barely ever home. Eventually she realised that he was basicaly a roomate not her partner. That she was not in love anymore, because you cannot love a person who is always absent. So they end up spliting up.
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100% You can be motivated and work hard but still make your loved ones a priority. I don't buy his story at all. If she was important to him, he would have made time for her.
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My husband did this to a point where people asked me if I was a single mom. I was always alone with the kids, he never had time to come with us. He went to work when the kids went to school and came home after they (and often I) went to bed. Yes the pay was great, but I married him because I love spending time with him, not for the money. Fast forward 6 years and he comes home telling me he almost died on the way home because he fell asleep at the wheel. Finally he realized that he was burning himself out and actually quit that day. Now he works somewhere where they appreciate him, relatively normal hours (he'll always be an overachiever) and pay is 70% of his former job. But most importantly, he's home for dinner and we get to spend time together.
Don't waste your life working! It doesn't matter if you're single, married, with children, completely alone, etc. JUST DON'T! Yes! Work hard, do your best, but don't waste those free times working. I don't have husband, boyfriend, children (just a cat) and NEVER EVER I work beyond my working hours. Find a hobby a personal project, spend time with your loved ones, but that culture of working and working is not healthy! Change that freaking mindset.
As someone who got sick for 2.5 years as a result of overworking, I get really tired of one-dimensional self-righteousness directed at individuals. It said right in the post that he did it because he wanted to buy a house for the two of them. That used to be possible on a single minimum wage; now he worked himself to the bone and lost his relationship and still wasn't able to do it. If you're able to live without working more than the standard hours, be grateful rather than looking down on others.
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My father spent my whole childhood working double shifts and going in early for overtime. He wanted to retire early. So he was gone at work the whole time my sibling and I were there, and now we're gone and he sits alone all day. Haven't seen him in 3 yrs.
Feel for the guy, but several years of being told that sucess was just around the corner? Should have bailed earlier. I once worked weekends and evenings, no overtime. Thought |I was agood worker bee. They just piled more on. Came in 10 minutes late one day and was 'spoken to'. Kept the job by my time became my time.
Who was taking care of all the shopping at cleaning at home? It wasn't just she was alone. She was doing all his chores and I doubt he was ever available for sex or a date or a conversation on her terms, only when he came home. I knew some one like this who was like an executive manager. He called his wife "the real manager" in life because her work continued with their kids ehen her day ended, even if her day was shorter, and they had a deal they were both doing it for the money and the prestige even though he enjoyed it. He told their kids that all the things they had possible, parents attending school plays and stuff was because his wife was the one who made it happen. I Don't temember what the official date was, it was clear that he was going to end that job at a decided age.
His next relationship is going to be interesting, he's going to think that the fact that he's taking time off work for himself and the relationship is enough. Wait until he finds out that he'll be expected to do more work at home!
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I would see the same dynamic over and over in my married friends. The men were all trying to max out their careers to provide financially and materially for their wives and children. Meanwhile, the wives were tired of being single parents and living alone for so much of the time. Over and over and over again.
I'm so glad BP censored the word "sucked". I don't if I would have been able to get through the day if I had seen that word!
WTF is mandatory overtime?! That s**t is illegal in my country. Your employer cannot make you work more hours than your contract states unless you consent. And never any unpaid overtime. The US sucks the life out of their people.
Uh, notice how he didn't immediately lower his hours, change his job, or try to get her back? Nope, he worked even more. He didn't get upset until the job didn't give him his bonus. That wrecked him more than his wife leaving.
women leave you if you dont make enough, and women leave you if you work hard...be gay, be happy. Atleast be single and be a player in bars. Marriage is not worth it
I worked for a family as a nanny of two boys, both parents were doctors, one was obsessed with being the youngest liver transplant surgeon with the most transplants, the other was doing an MBA, while writing a book and working with a team creating a new artificial heart all while working full time as a heart surgeon, everyone though I was the mom, the youngest boy started calling me mom, she got jealous and fired me as if that was going to change the fact that their kids were absolutely forgotten, they should have NEVER had kids, because specially her, after her regular shift, she would find reasons and ideas to take on more work (insert eye roll)
I sympathize, but probably because my breaking point included the same things (working on wedding day, waited a year for one week off for anniversary and honeymoon, which I only got because I went way above my bosses head and cried about putting the leave time in six months prior). My husband supported me because he knew it wasn't about him, it was about me making needed decisions. We moved to another branch a year later and it was awesome.
This is heartbreaking! Bosses think they own you and turn you into slaves to pad their own pockets, giving no thought or care of how it is effecting you as long as you are rolling in the dough. It's just not worth sacrificing your entire life for.
What a soul-destroying experience, but it'll turn out to be a moment of truth in the long run. Hopefully after 8 years together he can gradually win his wife back and rebuild their shared life knowing what matters. Just to add that, after 30+ years of working with big companies, if this is you, you're a worker bee and worker bees don't become queen bees. They'll work you till you break and then replace you and forget you. Most people who think they'll do it till they're 30 get stuck in the cage.
I wanted to buy her a house. Wekll, did she WANT a house? And if yes, why was she not working for it? What the hell is it with all these couple on BP who do not communicated properly?
Very sad story, I feel for both sides because no one was really in the wrong. The wife was neglected and it's amazing she held on so long, but I understand OP working so hard to desperately afford a good future for them - especially if they live in America where very few have the luxury of working to live, instead of living to work. I'm glad OP at least saw in the end that he needs to quit chasing the promises and focus on the tangible certainty in front of you.
I equated my value to what I can do, not who I am. I put myself in the workaholic role not because my corporation required it, I just couldn't get enough. I put everything else at lower priority. My health (which was never good before) suffered badly until I had to retire. I was in a walker, could not drive and could barely care for myself for 3 years after I retired. Then my husband left me (not just because of my overworking,) and I lost almost everything. It was a lucrative career with travel (including International travel.) My company encouraged me to slow down because they knew about my health. Nothing is worth your health. I'm happily married and retired now but was a long road back.
So sorry to OP that it went down that way. Work smarter, not harder. When attempting to get a bonus or raise at your job, try this: Find your company's marketing material (wherein its executives usually brag to shareholders and potential clients about how profitable their company is) and then use that as evidence to support your request. If they deny your request, you can try using that data to litigate against them.
Work to live, not live to work is a good summation. There will be periods or even seasons where work can me more than usual, or the hours outside of norm. However it should not risk the things we live for. Moderation. Many people take these demanding jobs for $$$ or prestige. Living modestly, and not needing the spotlight would prevent that.
I did it because the rich keep buying up homes in my country and extorting increasingly exorbitant amounts of rent out of the have-nots while simultaneously making it harder for us to buy homes of our own. And the post explicitly mentions that this guy was trying to afford a house for the two of them. Not "a fancy house". "A house." As long as it's so hard for us commoners to buy housing, people will keep wrecking their bodies and social lives in an attempt to get more money.
Load More Replies...
It won't be just this man, most people have a distorted idea of what life should be. There are so many aspects that I find loathsome: chasing money and the next shiny bauble, believing that we deserve a life of luxury, that excitement equals validation, etc. From 'influencers' to bumper stickers quoting "One life, live it!" The whole 'developed' world needs to have a long hard look at itself.
It's ok to have no ambition just don't complain about being poor.
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You remember the cut song from Muppet Christmas Carol? The scene immediately leading into that includes the line "This is for *you* Belle". That line was all I heard when reading OP trying to justify not prioritising his wife in his life.
Do you know what overworking feels like? I tried it and ended up getting sick for 2.5 years. It says right there in the article that he just wanted to buy a house for the two of them. It's a disgrace that it's not possible to buy housing on two people's salaries without one of them overtaxing his body and never seeing his wife.
Load More Replies...
I would actually appreciate anyone who worked that hard for our future. Sounds like it was a wife problem.
She probably appreciated his dedication to their future for a long time, she did stick around for eight years after all. In some relationships like this they never come to a breaking point, the spouse hates being neglected but sticks it out, but sometimes not. I can see her realizing that she's always going to come second, he's never going to choose her over his boss, and he doesn't realize that there is not pot of gold at the end of his rainbow. There's just more work.
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So you would be okay with your spouse working all the time? Nights, weekends, vacations, YOUR WEDDING DAY? There's a difference between working hard and living solely to work. After 8 years, how could she not feel unloved and abandoned?
Load More Replies...
Exactly. Humans need social contact, hobbies and rest. Nobody can be happy if they are all the time working. I know a couple with the same story. They were both making ok money but he wanted more and more so he was barely ever home. Eventually she realised that he was basicaly a roomate not her partner. That she was not in love anymore, because you cannot love a person who is always absent. So they end up spliting up.
Load More Replies... 100% You can be motivated and work hard but still make your loved ones a priority. I don't buy his story at all. If she was important to him, he would have made time for her.
Load More Replies... My husband did this to a point where people asked me if I was a single mom. I was always alone with the kids, he never had time to come with us. He went to work when the kids went to school and came home after they (and often I) went to bed. Yes the pay was great, but I married him because I love spending time with him, not for the money. Fast forward 6 years and he comes home telling me he almost died on the way home because he fell asleep at the wheel. Finally he realized that he was burning himself out and actually quit that day. Now he works somewhere where they appreciate him, relatively normal hours (he'll always be an overachiever) and pay is 70% of his former job. But most importantly, he's home for dinner and we get to spend time together.
Don't waste your life working! It doesn't matter if you're single, married, with children, completely alone, etc. JUST DON'T! Yes! Work hard, do your best, but don't waste those free times working. I don't have husband, boyfriend, children (just a cat) and NEVER EVER I work beyond my working hours. Find a hobby a personal project, spend time with your loved ones, but that culture of working and working is not healthy! Change that freaking mindset.
As someone who got sick for 2.5 years as a result of overworking, I get really tired of one-dimensional self-righteousness directed at individuals. It said right in the post that he did it because he wanted to buy a house for the two of them. That used to be possible on a single minimum wage; now he worked himself to the bone and lost his relationship and still wasn't able to do it. If you're able to live without working more than the standard hours, be grateful rather than looking down on others.
Load More Replies... My father spent my whole childhood working double shifts and going in early for overtime. He wanted to retire early. So he was gone at work the whole time my sibling and I were there, and now we're gone and he sits alone all day. Haven't seen him in 3 yrs.
Feel for the guy, but several years of being told that sucess was just around the corner? Should have bailed earlier. I once worked weekends and evenings, no overtime. Thought |I was agood worker bee. They just piled more on. Came in 10 minutes late one day and was 'spoken to'. Kept the job by my time became my time.
Who was taking care of all the shopping at cleaning at home? It wasn't just she was alone. She was doing all his chores and I doubt he was ever available for sex or a date or a conversation on her terms, only when he came home. I knew some one like this who was like an executive manager. He called his wife "the real manager" in life because her work continued with their kids ehen her day ended, even if her day was shorter, and they had a deal they were both doing it for the money and the prestige even though he enjoyed it. He told their kids that all the things they had possible, parents attending school plays and stuff was because his wife was the one who made it happen. I Don't temember what the official date was, it was clear that he was going to end that job at a decided age.
His next relationship is going to be interesting, he's going to think that the fact that he's taking time off work for himself and the relationship is enough. Wait until he finds out that he'll be expected to do more work at home!
Load More Replies... I would see the same dynamic over and over in my married friends. The men were all trying to max out their careers to provide financially and materially for their wives and children. Meanwhile, the wives were tired of being single parents and living alone for so much of the time. Over and over and over again.
I'm so glad BP censored the word "sucked". I don't if I would have been able to get through the day if I had seen that word!
WTF is mandatory overtime?! That s**t is illegal in my country. Your employer cannot make you work more hours than your contract states unless you consent. And never any unpaid overtime. The US sucks the life out of their people.
Uh, notice how he didn't immediately lower his hours, change his job, or try to get her back? Nope, he worked even more. He didn't get upset until the job didn't give him his bonus. That wrecked him more than his wife leaving.
women leave you if you dont make enough, and women leave you if you work hard...be gay, be happy. Atleast be single and be a player in bars. Marriage is not worth it
I worked for a family as a nanny of two boys, both parents were doctors, one was obsessed with being the youngest liver transplant surgeon with the most transplants, the other was doing an MBA, while writing a book and working with a team creating a new artificial heart all while working full time as a heart surgeon, everyone though I was the mom, the youngest boy started calling me mom, she got jealous and fired me as if that was going to change the fact that their kids were absolutely forgotten, they should have NEVER had kids, because specially her, after her regular shift, she would find reasons and ideas to take on more work (insert eye roll)
I sympathize, but probably because my breaking point included the same things (working on wedding day, waited a year for one week off for anniversary and honeymoon, which I only got because I went way above my bosses head and cried about putting the leave time in six months prior). My husband supported me because he knew it wasn't about him, it was about me making needed decisions. We moved to another branch a year later and it was awesome.
This is heartbreaking! Bosses think they own you and turn you into slaves to pad their own pockets, giving no thought or care of how it is effecting you as long as you are rolling in the dough. It's just not worth sacrificing your entire life for.
What a soul-destroying experience, but it'll turn out to be a moment of truth in the long run. Hopefully after 8 years together he can gradually win his wife back and rebuild their shared life knowing what matters. Just to add that, after 30+ years of working with big companies, if this is you, you're a worker bee and worker bees don't become queen bees. They'll work you till you break and then replace you and forget you. Most people who think they'll do it till they're 30 get stuck in the cage.
I wanted to buy her a house. Wekll, did she WANT a house? And if yes, why was she not working for it? What the hell is it with all these couple on BP who do not communicated properly?
Very sad story, I feel for both sides because no one was really in the wrong. The wife was neglected and it's amazing she held on so long, but I understand OP working so hard to desperately afford a good future for them - especially if they live in America where very few have the luxury of working to live, instead of living to work. I'm glad OP at least saw in the end that he needs to quit chasing the promises and focus on the tangible certainty in front of you.
I equated my value to what I can do, not who I am. I put myself in the workaholic role not because my corporation required it, I just couldn't get enough. I put everything else at lower priority. My health (which was never good before) suffered badly until I had to retire. I was in a walker, could not drive and could barely care for myself for 3 years after I retired. Then my husband left me (not just because of my overworking,) and I lost almost everything. It was a lucrative career with travel (including International travel.) My company encouraged me to slow down because they knew about my health. Nothing is worth your health. I'm happily married and retired now but was a long road back.
So sorry to OP that it went down that way. Work smarter, not harder. When attempting to get a bonus or raise at your job, try this: Find your company's marketing material (wherein its executives usually brag to shareholders and potential clients about how profitable their company is) and then use that as evidence to support your request. If they deny your request, you can try using that data to litigate against them.
Work to live, not live to work is a good summation. There will be periods or even seasons where work can me more than usual, or the hours outside of norm. However it should not risk the things we live for. Moderation. Many people take these demanding jobs for $$$ or prestige. Living modestly, and not needing the spotlight would prevent that.
I did it because the rich keep buying up homes in my country and extorting increasingly exorbitant amounts of rent out of the have-nots while simultaneously making it harder for us to buy homes of our own. And the post explicitly mentions that this guy was trying to afford a house for the two of them. Not "a fancy house". "A house." As long as it's so hard for us commoners to buy housing, people will keep wrecking their bodies and social lives in an attempt to get more money.
Load More Replies... It won't be just this man, most people have a distorted idea of what life should be. There are so many aspects that I find loathsome: chasing money and the next shiny bauble, believing that we deserve a life of luxury, that excitement equals validation, etc. From 'influencers' to bumper stickers quoting "One life, live it!" The whole 'developed' world needs to have a long hard look at itself.
It's ok to have no ambition just don't complain about being poor.
Load More Replies... You remember the cut song from Muppet Christmas Carol? The scene immediately leading into that includes the line "This is for *you* Belle". That line was all I heard when reading OP trying to justify not prioritising his wife in his life.
Do you know what overworking feels like? I tried it and ended up getting sick for 2.5 years. It says right there in the article that he just wanted to buy a house for the two of them. It's a disgrace that it's not possible to buy housing on two people's salaries without one of them overtaxing his body and never seeing his wife.
Load More Replies... I would actually appreciate anyone who worked that hard for our future. Sounds like it was a wife problem.
She probably appreciated his dedication to their future for a long time, she did stick around for eight years after all. In some relationships like this they never come to a breaking point, the spouse hates being neglected but sticks it out, but sometimes not. I can see her realizing that she's always going to come second, he's never going to choose her over his boss, and he doesn't realize that there is not pot of gold at the end of his rainbow. There's just more work.
Load More Replies... So you would be okay with your spouse working all the time? Nights, weekends, vacations, YOUR WEDDING DAY? There's a difference between working hard and living solely to work. After 8 years, how could she not feel unloved and abandoned?
Load More Replies...
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