You never really know what another person is going through. (Solipsists go as far as to say that you are the only conscious being in existence.)
Some might be able to articulate their experiences, but it can still be difficult to comprehend the depth of their words, even if you know their meaning.
So when one Reddit user asked everyone on the platform to share a feeling they believe is indescribable to someone who hasn't had it, people immediately started submitting their answers, highlighting the complexity of human interaction.
Continue scrolling to check out the entries, and don't miss the conversation we had with Barbara Jaffe, Ed.D. — you will find it in between the stories.
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The loss of a pet.
Hard to explain that I've grieved harder for a dog somehow than I ever have for a human.
Depression, a feeling of true fear and emptiness at the same time. You don’t want to die, you don’t want to live. It’s weird
To get a better understanding of how people can relate to each other better, we contacted Barbara Jaffe, who is an emeritus English professor and a current fellow in UCLA's Department of Education.
"Empathy is one of the most important qualities a person can possess," Jaffe, author of 'When will I be good enough?', told Bored Panda. "Empathy allows us to understand others on a deeper level. It is also not necessary to have had the same experience as another person in order to feel empathy."
"For example, seeing an unhoused (homeless) person can immediately make us feel sad about that person's situation. If we feel sorry for that person, it sets up an uneven relationship whereby we are looking at the other person, grateful for not being in their position and in a sense, feeling better than that person on some level. However, feeling empathy allows us to understand at a basic emotional level that this other person is feeling pain and perhaps suffering, and we can understand both of those emotions no matter our circumstances, for all of us have had pain and suffering. Therefore, empathy enables us to understand each other and connect in a way that allows us to share our feelings with others."
Period cramps. Half the population will never fully understand how most women carry on like nothing is wrong even though they are in serious physical pain.
Adhd - executive dysfunction
When you really want to do something but pathetically, literally, cannot.
Then suffer guilt from this.
The absolute indifference towards everything in depression.
However, this isn't always effortless for us. "A lack of effective communication can certainly limit our empathizing," Jaffe said. "When we aren't listening carefully to another (or tuning someone out), it is easy for us to also 'unplug' our emotions and not care very much about them. Listening allows us to hear what the person is experiencing and enables us to appreciate at least what that person is going through."
As she pointed out, the more self-absorbed we become and believe that what's happening to us is all that matters, the more we limit our ability to empathize with others. "When we realize that others are going through hard times and they might need someone to talk to, we can accept that we aren’t the only ones who have issues. This mutual understanding of each other’s hardships allows for empathy."
Sneezing out a huge clot on your period.
Oh eww, I know that feeling. Or you stand up and it happens, it’s so ick 😣
Misophonia
SO much more than just "not liking loud noises." There are some noises that are legitimately rage-inducing and make me want to commit violence to make it stop. Other noises make me feel like I'm suddenly going to vomit.
But the really **loud** noises are the worst, because they are *physically painful*. It's really hard to explain to someone what it's like to have a sound hurt your brain, but it's brutal.
And it can be loud to you while no one else hears it. I don't want to be triggered by lip-smacking and it is certainly far beyond a little annoyance. Not something I can 'just ignore.'
General anesthesia. You’re not asleep-it’s nothing like that, you’re not dreaming, you’re nothing… and there is no nothing and you aren’t aware that there’s no nothing.
I've been under a couple times and it is not like sleeping at all. When sleeping you have a sense of time, with anesthesia you go out and then you come back in what feels like it could be a blink even though it was hours - absolutely no sense of time.
Research suggests that women could be better at empathizing with others than men. For example, when The Pew Research Center asked Americans about their thoughts and feelings regarding human suffering in light of the pandemic and other recent tragedies, two-thirds of women (66%) said that in the past year, they have personally thought "a lot" or "some" about big questions such as the meaning of life, whether there is any purpose to suffering and why terrible things happen to people, compared with 55% of men who reported the same.
"There are those who are naturally born with empathy, an innate understanding and feeling for what others are experiencing," Jaffe added. "Some people are empathic souls, yet all of us can learn how to appreciate the emotions of others even if we have never had the same experiences. It is a process that begins internally when we can learn to accept ourselves, one day at a time."
Extreme back pain where you can't move and even struggle to breathe.
Oh hello other me! I think the weirdest part of this type of pain is how insidious it can be. When the back pain and breathing problems are chronic like mine, you start to acclimate to the pain. But there really is no acclimating to not breathing enough. It just steals your brain from you.
Hearing your baby giggle uncontrollably for the first time. Truly unreal. You do everything you can to get them to laugh like that again.
If you don’t want to have children that’s fine and I support your choice!
I don't have or want children, but the pure joy in a young child's laughter is something else.
That actual physical pain because of a heartbreak.
Horrible, traumatic losses are like this. There are times I wish there was some sort of physical sign you would get so that others could understand how bad things are, but I guess that is evolution keeping our enemies from knowing how vulnerable we are at the moment.
For those who want to get better at empathizing with others, Barbara Jaffe recommends three things:
Be kind to yourself. "We must learn to be gentle and patient with ourselves. We must first learn to be empathic with ourselves, to give ourselves a break, to be understanding about our own lives before we can begin to have empathy for others," she said.
Learn to listen — really listen — to others when they are sharing their thoughts and feelings. According to Jaffe, it isn't easy to listen, and our ‘me-centric’ culture isn't helping us develop the habit. But, if we actively try to make eye contact and hear what the other person is sharing, we will get closer to their true emotions.
Share our thoughts with those we trust. "Even if we are a little hesitant to do so, we will experience empathy not only for others but for ourselves. Take a ‘safe risk’ with someone who will listen to us and understand."
The moment your stomach drops after finding out you’ve been cheated on.
I'm gonna get hella esoteric here, but when I retired from programming to be a full-time singer and musician in 2018, I decided if I really wanted to be good at my job, I should start training to sing opera.
It turns out that building a professional operatic sound is bizarre and involves a lot of very fine motor control and the relaxing/engaging of muscles I didn't even know I had. When everything lines up, though, it's insane.
I've just recently started to make some good, professional quality sounds, and the sensation is like nothing in this world. A rumbling in the chest on low notes, a tingling in the "mask" on high notes, and when things are working *really* well, the bizarre sensation like the voice isn't even coming from you. Your body is a perfectly coordinated bellows and the sound just enters the world and carries, like a portal to another dimension of pure sound opened up a couple of inches in front of your face. This is the sound that allows normal people to project unamplified to a house of 2000 people and still be heard over an orchestra.
So yeah, I'm going to say "good operatic singing."
Losing a child. I'm not a parent but I can see for myself how painful it is to lose a child. When my childhood friend died when she was 17, that was the only time I've ever seen a man cry so hard.
Oh heavens at 17? That must have been extremely devastating! I‘ve lost my first child shortly before her due date and I think I will forever be gratefull, that she died like that and has not lived to be any age within her childhood or teen years. That would have broken me.
The loss of a parent. It's like you're part of a really s****y club that you have to be in to fully understand.
And the other way round with loss of a child. No parent should outlive their child
Panic attack
Sleep paralysis
I had sleep paralysis and it truly terrified me. Not long after I watched a programme about it, now I just think oh it's that again.
Latching on that monster booger that's been haunting your nasal cavity for the past 24 hours and slowly getting it out, then being able to breathe through that nostril.
eughhh *shudders* that feeling when it's coming out though it feels like getting that one spaghetti in the back of your throat when you ate too much 🤢
Trying to revive a dying person while their wife stands next to you screaming for them. And you’re covered in his vomit and he’s turning blue and you’re 16 and panicking and there’s a dozen people watching you desperately attempt CPR and you don’t even know what happened to him you just know nobody else can help.
Brain zaps for some when coming off of certain anti-depressants. It can be completely disorienting and borderline torturous.
Hate. Like, *real* hate.
I've just recently felt real hate for the first time. Not spur-of-the-moment anger or rage, but persistent hate. I want terrible things to happen to this person. I hope they lose their job. I hope they end up broke and can't move out of their POS dad's house. I hope their friends shun them. I hope they fail at everything they want to succeed in. I hope they get mugged. I hope their new car gets totalled. I hope they suffer. I hope they feel nothing but despair. They were one of my best friends for over a decade, and now, if they died tomorrow, I wouldn't go to their funeral.
This is the most nasty, disgusting thing I've ever felt. It's like a fire in my chest that turns everything it touches black. I'm ashamed to feel the way I do. I *hate* hate. I hate that I feel this way about another person. But I do
That adreneline from walking onto a stage. Then that moment where you overcome whatever hardship that was presented on that stage and the croud roars and cheers you on. That is a high that I chase non stop. And it never gets old.
It might be because I've just read the pie post, but that curtain doesn't half look like rhubarb
Pure and unconditional love. That way it sitting on your heart, the warm feeling it spreads across your chest. The infinite happiness when you are with them. The unspoken words between each other that both fully understand. And knowing that, that person is the first and last face you see.
On the other hand, the sudden loss of one of the most important people in your life. That empty void that was once positive emotions, now dark negative emotions or no emotions at all. The coldness you feel towards life and towards the world. Like a piece of your own soul was also lost that day, a piece that will never come back.
Completely blocking out events in your life and suddenly remembering them.
Borderline Personality Disorder. It feels... awful. You cannot trust your brain (I also have bipolarity), you overshare, overthink, over attach to ANYONE. Fighting those feelings is draining. You are a prisoner of your own brain.
Standing on stage and singing lyrics you wrote into a microphone while a crowd sings them back at you.
Incredible. It’s a high I’ve never replicated in the years since I stopped making music as a serious endeavor.
That's got to be incredible, and so affirming. Hard to duplicate that with self-affirmation.
Hypoglycemia. I am type one diabetic and although i have very tight control thanks to low carb, occasionally low glucose events can still happen. Very scary feeling, shaky with a sense of horrific doom. Hard to explain to my husband and its weird to me that he will never know what i mean when i tell him about it. Only happens a few times a year thankfully!
Firstly, well done!! To keep working through this is so incredibly draining, you're doing amazingly! I feel this! It's a very hard one to explain, I've suffered with hypoglycemia for years to the point of blacking out, the only way I can describe it is like a dream state world where you're detached from everything but still there with the feeling of being very drunk movement, speech and brain functionality wise but not. Feeling trapped by it all. Unfortunately this is a daily/weekly occurrence my end and the feeling never changes. My heart goes out there to all you other type 1's! ❤️
Dissociation
Literally my default state. It's like an out of body experience, you feel disconnected from everything and function like you're on autopilot, your vision goes hazy, there's emotional numbness and memory lapses. That mixed with depression. It's not a great feeling.
Coma. I had the privilege of falling into a coma. Can't describe it to anyone, and everyone who's heard of it asked how it felt
True story- I was in a coma nearly twenty years ago ( got badly beaten up outside a nightclub) and from what I remember was that I thought i was on a ship- like a roman ship where you have to row, and that the ship was rocking.... I later found out when i recovered, that the reason I thought I was on a ship, was in fact, the intensive care bed where I was laying, had air cushions that rocked you, to prevent bed sores....
When a hair gets caught behind your prosthetic eye and you pull it out and feel it sliiiiiiiiiiide through your remaining eye bits.
ok i hope I will never ever ever ever have to experience this
Going through a psychosis
The same goes for the people who have to watch you do it. My ex-husband lost his mind right in front of me and the person that emerged from that took over from my actual husband and killed him. I can't even describe how traumatic that was.
Skydiving. 1 minute of freefall from 15000ft... total system overload!!
System overload is the right wording for this. For the first second or two, your brain cannot deal with what is happening to your body. It braces for an impact that is thousands of metres below. Everything is scrambled. Thankfully, rational brain takes over and you can start to enjoy the view and the sensations.
Getting tased. Words don't really capture what happens. It isn't exactly pain, but it's not good either.
Phantom pain of your body trying to pull up a testicle that have been removed and how it feels like it was sucking on air and then it freaking out and making it ache where it’s no longer there.
Having a migraine is one that wasn't mentioned above. The kind of pain that when you're walking feels like you're being hit on the head with a hammer every time your foot hits the ground, or feels like the inside of your skull has spikes on it that are poking into your brain, or make a grown man go to the emergency room crying like a baby.
Having chronic and deabilitating migraines is really bad. Longest migraine I've had lasted 5 months straight. Lost over 30 pounds. Vertigo, extreme nausea, hallucinating, passing out. You never get used to these things with a migraine. I've been dealing with migraines like this the last 34 years.
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I mentioned this on another post a moment ago, but the feeling of when someone who you genuinely thought cared about you (platonically), just wanted to sleep with you. It's this feeling of betrayal, worthlessness, pointlessness, just feeling like you've wasted whatever you put into that relationship.
And it just feels gross - like physically gross. I'm not saying the other person is physically gross, of course! I've had this happen to me and I found my reaction was both emotional and physical, like I was repulsed.
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The isolation, powerless and hopelessness that is abuse. When someone who is supposed to care about you spends every day tearing you down, manipulating you, isolating you and destroying any means of escape. Losing all hope or faith as you watch your abuser being praised and congratulated for how wonderful they are for putting up with you. Nobody believing that you are being abused. Knowing your only way out is one of you dying. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Having a migraine is one that wasn't mentioned above. The kind of pain that when you're walking feels like you're being hit on the head with a hammer every time your foot hits the ground, or feels like the inside of your skull has spikes on it that are poking into your brain, or make a grown man go to the emergency room crying like a baby.
Having chronic and deabilitating migraines is really bad. Longest migraine I've had lasted 5 months straight. Lost over 30 pounds. Vertigo, extreme nausea, hallucinating, passing out. You never get used to these things with a migraine. I've been dealing with migraines like this the last 34 years.
Load More Replies... I mentioned this on another post a moment ago, but the feeling of when someone who you genuinely thought cared about you (platonically), just wanted to sleep with you. It's this feeling of betrayal, worthlessness, pointlessness, just feeling like you've wasted whatever you put into that relationship.
And it just feels gross - like physically gross. I'm not saying the other person is physically gross, of course! I've had this happen to me and I found my reaction was both emotional and physical, like I was repulsed.
Load More Replies... The isolation, powerless and hopelessness that is abuse. When someone who is supposed to care about you spends every day tearing you down, manipulating you, isolating you and destroying any means of escape. Losing all hope or faith as you watch your abuser being praised and congratulated for how wonderful they are for putting up with you. Nobody believing that you are being abused. Knowing your only way out is one of you dying. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
