Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“I Could Have Avoided 2 Decades Of Hell”: 40 Of The Deepest Secrets Parents Kept From Their Kids
As kids, many of us believed everything our parents told us. Whether it was a white lie about what happened to our favorite toy or a story to protect our feelings, we trusted that mom and dad would never steer us wrong. But as we grow older, we start to realize that sometimes those well-intentioned lies can have bigger consequences.
When a Reddit user asked, "What Is A Secret Your Parents Hid From You That Turned Out To Be Very Important?" People poured out their hearts, sharing some eye-opening and, at times, disturbing secrets. As you read these stories, you might find yourself reflecting on your own family and wondering if there are things you should talk about with your parents.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My mother had been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and institutionalized before my birth.
She was a single parent with sole custody of me. She was unmedicated. My childhood was hell.
The extended family knew and openly lied to me when I tried to get answers as a teen. Ended up living with random friends when she'd go off the deep end during my teenage years. Turned 18 and my aunt decided it was finally time for me to know the truth.
It explained everything and it made me genuinely hate my aunt. She knew the truth my entire life and still left a child in that situation.
RELATED:
#2
When I told my mom that I had horrible depression and I needed treatment or I would fail out of college, she said, "Well, I'm not surprised. We're all taking antidepressants." MOM! This would have been useful information to have before college!
The Majestic Opossum 1 month ago
I think older generations thought they were protecting us by not talking about it. Now most of us know better I hope
#3
I had a brother that only lived 12 hours. He was 2 years younger than me, so I didn’t remember until they told me when I was 10. Years later, I found out his birthday was the same day as my next door neighbor’s. My parents had chosen to hide their painful remembrance and emotions so that I was able to enjoy 6 or 7 birthday parties in the neighborhood before we moved.
Anon:
My Mom always talked about wishing that she had an older sibling for myself and my two siblings. At her funeral, this guy showed up and completely broke down at her casket. Thankfully, my dad was too distraught to notice anything. I saw my uncles look very uncomfortable.
After the funeral, I asked my Aunt and cousin who that man was. He was my Mom’s teenage boyfriend. He had gotten her pregnant. She was about 8 months pregnant and was getting water from a well and it brought on labour. The baby died during labour.
She was born to be a Mother and no one loved her children more. It oddly brought me comfort to imagine she was getting to be a Mom in heaven too.
Quite often, parents lie to protect their kids. Sometimes, these lies are harmless. For instance, telling them that the child’s broken tooth has miraculously turned into money because the tooth fairy visited them. Or saying that it was Santa Claus who brought the gifts because the child had been good during the year.
But there is also a thin boundary between being protective and being deceitful, especially with regard to information that may impact a person’s future. For example, there can be repercussions when a ‘health-related’ secret gets out of hand. If there is a history of diabetes, heart disease, or any form of mental illness in the family, it is very important for the children to understand this as they grow up.
#4
My Father is a trans woman. Glad she finally gets to be who she is actually is but she felt she had to hide herself for 23 years of my life. I’m happy for her.
#5
My dad was m**ested by his mom and she let random dudes bully and beat him up for their entertainment.
I didn't know about this until she died but it makes perfect sense why my dad is such a piece of s**t.
Edit- I had a few people wonder why I called him a huge PoS. I called them that because that's what he was to us. He was mean. He was ruthless. He didn't m****t me or my siblings but he physically and verbally f****d us up. He would create a prison environment at home and he loved it. Once I got into my early 20s he started trying to assert his dominance over me, he tried to fight me, he would blow up my phone 7 times a day (yes, 7 times a day) to see where I was and what I was doing. As a kid he would want to fight and he would constantly trash family and tell me how much of a failure I was. He created major insecurities that I still carry this day, he created a sense of worthlessness that I still carry, I feel like I'm worthless to peoeple so why date? Why marry?
He did all of this instead of identifying the problem and working on it. That's exactly what I did. You can be a product of your environment but its up to you to carry that environment.
#6
I was diagnosed with autism at 5 and wasn't told until I was TWENTY-five. Would've saved me a lot of therapy trips if I'd have known that sooner!!!!!
Bookworm 1 month ago
And this is why it should be criminal for parents to knowingly withhold medical information from their child. Either their own or family. The child's pediatrician along with any relevant specialists should have to go over their medical history with them within X amount of time (say 6 or 12 months) of them turning 18.
Familiarizing yourself with your family’s medical history is necessary for you to make choices regarding your well-being. To some extent, you could also pursue the relevant health care and exercise due care for your health; you might be able to seek appropriate medical advice and be vigilant about your health.
Sometimes, moms and dads are not truthful because they want their children to worry. They might think that revealing a family history of illness will make you feel stressed or anxious. Or they may be embarrassed about certain family matters, for example, if a cousin was addicted to d***s, an uncle was gambling, or there was a bad marriage.
#7
My parents didn't tell me about my cerebral palsy diagnosis until I was 13, even though I was diagnosed around 18 months. I'm really mildly affected obviously, but it's become far more important as an adult as I have health issues, need to exercise in an adapted environment, have a slight learning disability that makes aspects of college hard, and can't drive due to my condition.
Lynchamigsakta 1 month ago
Not as bad but I found out when I was around 25 I have scoliosis. For 25 years I believed my crookedness was just bad posture and me not having the willpower to straighten out
#8
Found out during covid that the man who raised me is not my father. My mother k**led herself over 20 years ago. Found this out from 23 and me after matching with a half-sibling. She told no one. Some family members don’t even believe me. Big surprise I look just like my dad. He unfortunately passed in 2017 so I never got to meet him.
The thing that makes me the angriest about the whole situation is her not even coming clean after my daughter's cancer diagnosis. At 22 months she was diagnosed with retinoblastoma. Had her left eye removed. We went to genetic counseling after this because it could be a hereditary cancer. Which would mean it would happen in the other eye. For 2 months I waited to find out if it had spread to her brain.
This woman acted like this was the most difficult time in HER life but still couldn’t be honest with me. I had no idea this was even a possibility until the week before she k**led hirself. That’s when she said “He’s not really your dad”. Refused to explain herself. Refused to tell me who my dad was. Then shot herself in the head leaving me to clean up her life mess. I could have had 13 years with him had she told me then.
#9
My atypical genotype. My intersex birth and surgical assignment. Based on what doctors think there's indication I had a twin for a large portion of the pregnancy. (Also, I feel her in my soul which pushed me to look). My mother injected me with estrogen and gave me birth control pills *to pretend my sister was still ALIVE* so, like, it would have been good to know that.
You know. To make sense of what the f**k.
This feels like a dangerous question to ask, lol.
However, withholding such information can sometimes do more harm than good. For instance, if a parent has a serious illness and the child doesn’t know about it, they might not take preventive measures. And if they experience symptoms, they might not take it seriously. Similarly, the child may be unprepared to handle mental health issues if they don’t know that their parents have gone through similar challenges.
It’s essential that parents are transparent with children, especially as they reach adulthood. This type of communication builds trust and also helps the children make informed choices about their lives.
#10
One of my parents casually mentioned a mental health condition that the other had been diagnosed with before I was born... That nobody had mentioned to me ever in my life even though I was pushing 30. Finding that out made some things click.
The Majestic Opossum 1 month ago
We talk about mental health much more openly now than anyone did before thankfully.
#11
I inherited a college fund, but didn't know and my dad spent it on booze, and d***s. Life could have been so different....
#12
The fact that my grandfather had a heart attack that almost k**led him. This was only admitted by my grandmother when my dad had a heart attack that almost k**led him. Later my uncle had a heart attack that actually k***led him. And my aunt began suffering from heart issues as well.
There's a good chance heart disease runs in our family so knowing this is definitely very important.
Edit: just because of all the medical advice being given in the comments, yes I’m regularly checked; I’ve had higher cholesterol levels than the requirement for my age since I was 13, a major contributor to heart attacks, so I watch what I eat to keep that at bay.
"Disembodied voice" 3 weeks ago
It's very important to know family history. My grandmother's side had a "man killing curse", men rarely lived past twenty. Turns out to be a genetic heart condition, modern medicine and keeping open communication saves lives.
Research shows that family health history is a significant risk factor for many chronic conditions. The CDC notes that having a family history of certain diseases can increase a person’s risk of developing that disease, sometimes by two or more times compared to someone without such a history. Knowing this information can be life-saving, as it allows for early detection and intervention.
#13
That my doctor diagnosed me with an ibuprofen allergy as a baby. Learned it for myself after a fun ER visit in my early twenties.
#14
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 8 and they completely hid it from me because my mother was in denial and my dad didn't want me taking pharmaceutical m**h. This was back in the 90s, where if you were anything but conforming nornal...people around you wernt so accepting.
I thought I had bipolar disorder because of how my mood swings are. Turns out I could have avoided nearly 2 decades of hell if my parents just told me the truth. Even if I didn't seek treatment for it, KNOWING what was wrong would have made such a huge difference when I was a kid. Hell, just a simple dose of caffeine is all it takes for me to be functional.
To know it was that simple enrages me and I still have yet to forgive my parents for it. They knew and they let me suffer for their own vanity and fantasy world where "everything is fine and normal". Life is fine now but I went though so much unnecessary hell for more than half of it.
Lost Panda 1 month ago
Something similiar, I was apparently said to be ADHD and put on some meds. My stepfather (who will always be my dad to me) said it turned me into a zombie and was heartbreaking so they took me off. Not sure if I truly have ADHD or if because it was the 90s and ADHD was a big out for kids who were not like everyone else (The OP was right about 90s being "one of us" style, but at the same time ADHD diagnosis' were rampant too)
#15
My mom claimed to know I had bipolar but decided not to seek treatment for me when I was a kid because I was just being dramatic and needed to calm down. I was s******l at age 10 because she wouldn't make her husband stop beating me and she wouldn't stop telling me I deserved to be hit so much. But yeah, I'm just being dramatic. I wasn't diagnosed or treated until I was 26.
In addition to being honest about family health issues, it’s equally important to have open conversations about finances with your children. Discussing money matters not only prepares them for the future but also imparts valuable lessons about managing finances responsibly.
#16
My Grandfather had prostate cancer. Family never talked about it.
Then I got prostate cancer, and they were like, hey, what are the odds?
anon:
Same thing happened to me but with melanoma. And both my parents are in the healthcare field! 😡
IDK if it would’ve made a difference or not but I’ve also wondered if I would’ve gone to tanning beds back in the early 2000s when it was all the rage if I had known my grandmother had melanoma.
#17
My autism diagnosis, wasn't told until after I was having my own children assessed. My mum is also autistic (that was obvious but she always denied), breast cancer being something that runs in the family, and that my great uncle was a convicted p**ophile, I was only told when my own son was 2, because his targets were young boys so I didn't need to know before then. I no longer have any contact with that side of the family.
#18
That I had an older half sister who was given up for adoption. My mum had to tell me because she turned up on the doorstep one day.
At the age of 12, we’d been the typical mum, dad and 2 kids family. By the time I was 15 my parents had divorced and remarried and I now had a sister, 2 half sisters, 2 half brothers and a step sister.
MeowZedong 1 month ago (edited)
My dad hid the fact that I have a half sister to hide the fact that his marriage to my step mom was his 4th marriage.
When parents share the complexities of cash management, whether it is saving for emergencies, expense management, budgeting, or even retirement, they hand their children the tools they will need to survive in the ever-turbulent world. The fundamentals of how money works, the essence of saving, and the potential future danger of debts are all lessons that can never be overstated.
#19
Found out I along my sibling were invitro babies. Thought our dad was our dad. Later found out our dad was a s***m doner. Dad that raised us had a lot of health and mental health problems in the family. Met the s***m doner he has great genes on his side. Whole life shifted at 24 but at least I won’t die from cancer.
MeowZedong 1 month ago
I admire the fact that your dad wanted you to have a biological father with better genes than his. You should have been told sooner though.
#20
Found out my grandpa left 10,000 shares of Coca Cola to me when I was born. (1997)
Found out about these when I was helping my parents move and found the document when I was 19.
Turns out my parents already sold them all to pay off credit card debt.
Obviously not important as others, but that money could have really helped me out being I was struggling trying to pay college by myself.
#21
My mother spent the majority of her pregnancy, weekend party drinking with me. I'm just now have confirmation of this at 35 based on suspicion from my teens.
I'm currently dealing with major medical problems from birth defects because she did the bare minimum to seek care for my condition when I was a child. I took what they told me as a child as truth and am now realizing they only had her best interest in mind. I spent my 20s as a punk, running from and denying the severity of my condition. Now, as a father, farmer, and running a business, im having to pause my future plans to grab on and deal with this s**t.
I am mostly low or no contact with my parents at this point, except a few calls to ask for any medical records they may still have. My mother doesn't seem concerned about my condition, is unhelpful, and was only concerned about who ratted her out to me. Most of the extended family has chosen to protect her big lie, but I'm 100% certain it doesn't sit well with them. She is a malignant narcissistic, and the extended family orbits around here. It's disgusting.
On the bright side, I have wonderful children, a supportive wife, a few close friends, and an extremely busy organic chicken, turkey, and pig farm to keep going. We are fortunate to live almost debt free in the most beautiful part of Michigan. I am forging my own path and breaking that toxic cycle.
Judy Reynolds 1 month ago
Glad to hear you are doing well now. Hope you are getting help with all the trauma from you childhood!!
Relaying instances from one’s own life where one has faced difficulty can also act as quite a strong motivation for children in learning about overcoming adversities and assuring them that it is perfectly alright to ask for assistance whenever they feel the need. When parents talk about their challenges, they provide a perspective on important skills like determination, asking for help when necessary, and embracing the learning process.
#22
I recently found out I have a half-brother dad somehow forgot to mention. I loved my dad and he was a great father to me but finding out he had a kid on the side (he was a clergyman) was disillusioning, especially when I learned he never contributed to this person's upkeep or education.
#23
My mother hid the identity of my father from me for 35 years. I don’t look like her. I don’t act like her. I look like a taller, less olive version of him. My personality is like a carbon copy of him.
He died 3 years before I knew who we was. I don’t know what I would have done with the information if he were still alive, but I still feel extremely slighted because half of my identity was withheld.
I haven’t really talked to anyone about this.
LinkTheHylian 1 month ago
I'm very similar to my dad, too. Right down to the short temper. It's one reason I've lost friends over the years and never managed a successful relationship. Which is probably a good thing as my dad was violent towards women and I don't want to risk going down that path.
#24
I have a sister that was put up for adoption. I didn't find out until my dad told me after sustaining brain damage and not realizing I wasn't supposed to know.
Imagine a parent who once struggled with anxiety but found it difficult to talk about when they were younger. By sharing this experience with their child, they’re showing that everyone faces challenges and that it’s not a sign of weakness to admit when you’re overwhelmed.
Talking openly about family dynamics, even when things get tough, can really help children navigate their own relationships and grasp how complex human interactions can be. When moms and dads share stories about conflicts or the ups and downs in their own relationships, it teaches kids that every relationship has its struggles and that it’s normal to face difficulties.
#25
That "girls don't get ADHD" when I got a diagnosis for it.
Surprise Surprise I have ADHD (and I'm a women) I spent the majority of my adult life extremely depressed because I felt I didn't "fit in" with regular people, always felt like a freak.
I'm now in my late 30's and I'm finally learning about symptoms and you know what? I can actually accept it.
Yeah I still have dark days but at least I can understand the reasoning behind it rather than just feeling broken.
So yeah thanks for that parents!
Lost Panda 1 month ago
In the parents' defense, it was originally thought to not affect women. Given the OP is late 30s, I'm assuming that the parents would have been going on the information available at the time.
#26
Autism and adhd diagnoses hidden from me until I was in mid thirties. Let me tell ya, there’s suspecting it, then there’s knowing it.
#27
I should have had a hip operation when I was a teen. I was in low key pain throughout my child hood and thought it was normal. I’ve now got end stage osteoarthritis in my 40s.
Flooding in periods was normal. Using a nighttime pad for the first 4 days of your period is completely normal. Soaking it within 2 hours was normal. Apparently they didn’t want me on contraceptives.
While parents may lie or keep secrets out of love, there are some truths that children, especially as they become adults, deserve to know. Transparency about health, finances, and personal struggles can equip children with the knowledge they need to live healthier, more informed lives. So, if you’re a parent, consider what secrets you might be keeping and whether it’s time to have that important conversation with your kids.
#28
My parents had a child out of wedlock. Gave her up for adoption. She found us after our mother passed, dad was long since estranged. Nobody in our family said a word. I was able to confirm this with my aunt, who said she’s been holding that secret for 50 years.
I’m glad we found each other.
We didn’t do a dna test. She looks just like my brother.
She doesn’t want anything other than to know her brothers.
#29
I’m 45 years old. I was diagnosed on the autism spectrum in 7th grade, and I was never told.
Woulda been soooooo handy to have the ADA backing me up when I had to deal with s****y bosses. I might’ve actually been able to build a future from the get-go instead of a neverending string of terminations for s**t that I didn’t or couldn’t understand, and not come to the realization that I will never be able to retire. I will either die in the workforce or have to go on disability (and that’s harder and harder to get too) to not work at the end of my life.
Huddo's sister 1 month ago
All these hidden diagnoses make me sad and mad. My sister's ADHD was diagnosed when she was about 6 and knowing that, and getting medication helped a lot in primary school. She struggled more in high school, and subsequently was diagnosed with ASD as well. If we had gotten her diagnosis and support for that earlier, she may have been able to complete the academic high school certificate like she originally wanted, instead of the applied learning one she did, and may have gotten into and been successful with uni right after school, instead of now when she is 25.
#30
That I had a twin and my parents gave her up for adoption. Found out at 20!
#31
Not as crazy as some of these stories. And I’m unsure my parents actually knew. My feeling is they did and just forgot.
One day I was at my dentist and a new hygienist was going to clean my teeth. I was around 18 or 19. She’s lowering me down and says “if you feel light headed, let me know”
I thought “that’s odd. Why would she ask that?”
So I questioned her, and she said it’s on my medical file that I have “orthostatic hypotension”.
I was like “what the heck is that?” She said “you have low blood pressure, and are susceptible to black outs and fainting.”
I said “so is that why I start to black out if I sit up from the couch too fast?” And she said “exactly”
My entire schooling suddenly clicked into place. Why I did so poorly at sports, especially in high school. I’d start to get lightheaded when doing team sports. Especially outside in the hot sun. My vision would get super tunnel vision. I’d get dizzy and I’d start to lose control of my limbs, making me prone to tripping and falling.
Information that would have been handy to my gym teachers. A couple who thought I was just lazy.
I asked her where they got that from. She said it was forwarded by my family doctor.
I asked my parents about it. Annoyed that they never told me. They didn’t know what I was talking about.
Either they were told and forgot or didn’t pay it any mind. Or my doctor didn’t tell anyone and just added it to my medical record.
Would have been helpful to know.
"Disembodied voice" 3 weeks ago
I feel this, I luckily have always known why I get lightheaded, but it was surprising to learn other people don't briefly lose their vision every time they stand up fast.
#32
My mother always told me that my father had died a few months before I was born. I believed this until I was in my mid thirties and I found my father on Facebook.
Magenta Blu 1 month ago
my mother told me the exact same thing. And I found my father on Facebook when I was 35, but he didn't want anything to do with me anyway, so I lost nothing really
#33
I have an uncle who's slightly older than me. Growing up, my grandpa always treated like c**p.
Soon after my grandpa died, me & my dad are driving & he stop in a little shopping center asks if i knew why my grandpa was so hard on my uncle & when i said no, my dad pointed to a man who looked exactly like my uncle standing outside a 711 & said "that's his real dad"
My grandpa always suspected but never knew. Now everyone knows but my uncle.
#34
My dad is gay. Found out after my parents had been married for twenty years with five kids.
#36
I recently started having issues with my blood sugar, which is odd because there's no family history.
Or so I thought. One day in conversation my grandmother _casually_ mentions how her uncle would take off his leg to whack the kids when he was mad. I was like holdup, what happened to his leg?
Turns out 4/5 of my grandmother's aunts/uncles, and my great grandmother herself, had diabetes AND all lost a limb from it.
What's even funnier is that I had specifically asked my grandma about the family history, and she told me "no one ever had that!". Guess she changed her mind a few months later lol.
#37
Never met my dad. Turns out he was a schizophrenic d**g a****t. Guess who’s schizophrenic now.
#38
That my mom became (effectively permanently) mentally ill from her pregnancy with me -- bipolar disorder + paranoia, possibly paranoid schizophrenia.
MeowZedong 1 month ago (edited)
She didn't become mentally ill from her pregnancy. Pregnancy can cause depression and anxiety. It can't cause schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. Also what kind of sick f*k tells a child that their mothers mental illness is threir fault.
#39
I don't know if this counts but my mum had an incurable lung disease (basically it made her lungs grow while also dying and damaging other organs) and on my 18th birthday she had some sort of attack where she could breathe in but not out and was rushed to the hospital.
Four months later she died the night before Christmas and I'm quite sure she knew she was dying. I think they told her on my birthday.
But we loved watching documentaries etc together and several years before she told me that if she found out she was dying she wouldn't tell anyone.
Looking back I'm not sure if I would've wanted to know, I think some part of me knew.
There are things I'm thankful for though, her biggest fear was rotting away in a hospital bed, instead she had just eaten her favourite food at my grandmas and she had met my youngest cousin for the first time (she absolutely adored her nephews and nieces).
She died in my grandma's arms, which I'm kinda glad about but at the same time it was extremely traumatic for my grandma. We lived in another city and my grandma had no idea how sick she actually was.
Nona Jaynes 1 month ago
I have zero intentions of EVER telling my children if I'm ever terminal from anything besides MS. Obviously if it's something genetic I would.
#40
One of my best friend's father hit on my mother all the time while we were at school. She finally told my father. It didn't end well for my friend's father. My friend wasn't allowed to come over anymore and he wouldn't talk to me anymore at school. At that age, I didn't know what happened and wouldn't understand anyways. I thought he hated me for some reason. I cried over it... I missed my friend.
Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
Unlimited content Ad-free browsing Dark mode 
What do you think ?
AnaBanana 3 days ago
My aunt (dad's sister) committed s*****e when I was around 15. It was really hard on my dad, grandparents, and other two sisters but also extremely hard on my mom. Along with his other two sisters, she was one of her best friends and had grown up with her. After her death she became depressed and s******l herself. She came very close to ending things but my dad intervened and got her the help she needed. I was not aware of this. She seemed to hide it very well from my brothers and myself. She told me about it as an adult. I am glad she felt comfortable enough to do so ❤️
AnaBanana 3 days ago
My aunt (dad's sister) committed s*****e when I was around 15. It was really hard on my dad, grandparents, and other two sisters but also extremely hard on my mom. Along with his other two sisters, she was one of her best friends and had grown up with her. After her death she became depressed and s******l herself. She came very close to ending things but my dad intervened and got her the help she needed. I was not aware of this. She seemed to hide it very well from my brothers and myself. She told me about it as an adult. I am glad she felt comfortable enough to do so ❤️
You May Like "Gave Him Back To His Mom": Dads Open Up About The Time They Realized Their Child Wasn’t Theirs Parents Keep Prioritizing Teen's Stepsiblings' Allergies Even On His B-Day, He Finally Has Enough "Please Don't Tell Them": 40 Best Tweets From Parents Who Were Barely Holding On During June
Gabija Saveiskyte
Monika Pašukonytė
Evelina Šiukšterytė
Related on Bored Panda
