Woman Bans Mother-In-Law From Her House After She Hung A Framed Wedding Photo Of Her Son And His Ex-Wife
Marriage isn’t just a partnership between two people and their mutually agreed-upon commitments and boundaries. For better or worse, their families also enter the mix. And in Reddit user u/alt_account_ad’s case, it’s definitely the latter.
A few days ago, she submitted her story to the ‘Am I The A***ole?‘ community, asking if she overreacted after a conflict with her mother-in-law.
It all started when the two were helping the woman and her husband settle into their new home. The lady thought she had a strong word there as well, so she “invited” over another person, her son’s ex, and hung her picture on the wall.
As you can imagine, things quickly imploded and grew into a much bigger problem, involving multiple people. But surprisingly, the author of the post still lacks (moral) support.
Continue scrolling to check out her version of what happened and tell us in the comments if you think she’s blown the situation out of proportion or not.
A 31-year-old woman got into a huge argument with her mother-in-law over her husband’s ex
Image credits: Antonio_Diaz (not the actual photo)
And turned to the internet to ask people if she overreacted
Robert Weiss, Ph.D., LCSW, Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity, is an expert in the treatment of adult intimacy disorders and thinks that healthy boundaries are not about keeping other people out; instead, they’re about letting them safely in. “At the same time, they keep us from invading others’ space in ways that violate their boundaries,” he explained. “Just as importantly, our boundaries should never be about controlling someone else’s behavior; instead, our boundaries are about our own behavior. We have a right to experience our own thoughts, our own feelings, and our own sense of reality. Others, in turn, have the same right.”
So it sounds like the lady was clearly out of her depth, telling her daughter-in-law that her feelings were basically invalid.
But why? Well, we don’t know for sure, but it could be insecurity. Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D., who is an Assistant Professor of Communication at Michigan State University and director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab, says that mother-and-daughter-in-law relationships are somewhat programmed to be tricky.
“Think about a man marrying a woman,” she explained. “His soon-to-be wife is gaining a mother-in-law, and his mom is gaining a daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law relationship is new, but the mother-son relationship is also especially changing during this time. The son has a new woman in his life, who is taking on some of the roles and responsibilities of his mother. This changing of roles and responsibilities may feel threatening to his mother.”
OP’s husband being away might’ve had more effect on the situation than it seems at first. “The interactions between his mother and his new wife revolve around him, at least in the beginning [so] many people prefer to be present during any interaction between new in-laws to help monitor and facilitate conversation. Over time, this may change, and the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship may develop into something that stands alone, but even still, they are linked because of the son. Researchers call the son in this scenario the linchpin. He is a linchpin, because he holds the other two people together. The linchpin is ever-present in an in-law relationship.”
Of course, in-laws can show respect for one another’s differing values and get along quite fine. Just not these. At least not yet.
Everyone unanimously said the lady’s behavior was completely inappropriate
Probably the reason the MIL likes the previous wife is because she didn’t stand up for herself when the MIL did crazy s**t. Before we married, my wife and I lived together for a couple of years. My mother sent a nasty letter to my wife’s parents about us living in sin and bashed them about how they raised such a daughter. It did get better when she found out we weren’t going to play her games but I initially told my SO that she didn’t have to ever have any contact with my mother if my mother was going to treat her like that. We’ve now been married for 42 years and counting. Don’t accept bad behavior from anybody. Including your parents.
5 stars! 10/10!! I said something similar, but not as well. I completely agree with you.
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The problem is here that no boundaries have been set. This MIL shouldn’t even think she has the right to do that, never mind actually doing it. This was a tactic to get you to fight with your husband, and it seems like she won. Be careful who you ask to help. And before you do, make sure they know their limits. Set clear boundaries, especially with in-laws.
This marriage won't last long, MIL is not just simple toxic, she is evil.
It doesn’t have to end if her husband is being understanding. They simply have to set strong boundaries. People do as much as you let them do.
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What is with men who choose their moms over their spouses? I have seen a lot of this in my personal life and I have to say, it seems really creepy to me. There are so many women out there who can't let go of their sons, and so many sons who just love it.
But in this case, the OP seems like she reacted quite strongly for the situation. Why get mad over something as stupid and petty as a photo? It's your house, your rules, and if you didn't want the photo there, you just remove the photo. I wouldn't have even said anything. Keep the frame, put a photo of you and your husband in it, and just move on with your life. The MIL totally manipulated that reaction out of the OP, and the OP played right in to her hands.
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My mother and my ex could not stand each other. They could tolerate each other in the same room. My ex liked taking her clothes off......for the neighbor. Due to her infidelity, i divorced her. Dont know how it happened, but soon after the divorce, the two of them became the best of friends. I just quietly separated myself from my mother. if i talked to her, I gave her no information knowing it would all get back to my ex. Been 20 years and she hasnt figured out why I barely talk to her. Hell, when I got remarried, I didnt even invite her. Mainly because she told all our neighbors (I live on the opposite side of the same development) that my current wife was a gold digger.
For whatever psycho reason current males partners & their moms never get along its the "shes not good enough\doesnt do it my way" syndrome. I get along w my husbands mom & step mom & gma whose basically his 3rd mom. Theres still an insecure tension\ ill never live up to them aka idc but anything i say will turn into an argument because we are night & day different feeling. Which is likely 90% just me. Because thats hwo my family was. Negligent. Toxic. Etc. Im lucky. But i still see things where theres probably innocence. But i never try to come between my husband and his family. Id divorce him first.
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No matter what the photo was, I would have been pissed if my MIL had hung anything on our walls. I don’t want to repair the holes if something is put where I don’t want it. That’s a big deal.
Right? That was the first thing I thought. Unless she had provided a template with precise height guidelines of exactly what and where she wanted pictures hung, nobody should be anywhere near those walls. The large ex-DIL wedding photo was twisting the knife.
Load More Replies... When I saw the headline, I thought the MIL hung the picture in her own house, which didn't seem too bad - my mom has a photo that includes my ex because she really likes the photo and as she said, the ex is part of my life. My wife doesn't care, it's a nice family photo. But hanging the photo in the son and daughter in law's house crosses the line, MIL has no right to decide what photos they show. While I'm still on good terms with my ex, I certainly wouldn't hang a photo of her in my house.
Even if it were the MIL house. My MIL removed my partners wedding photo from his first marriage from her own wall, even though he has three children from that marriage and I never once said anything about pictures at all.
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She only did it to get a reaction. Obviously. It's very childish and immature. That being said, I would have left it there, wait for my husband to come home and be like "yeah and your mom did this wall for us". I would like to know how he felt about it because it would tell a lot about his attitude towards her behavior and our relationship together. That would give me more to go with compared to getting mad at someone who did something just to get exactly the reaction she was looking for.
What the MIL did was malicious and was deliberate. A true and tried POS.
Edited b/c it just hit me: While ideally I'd have let the hubs handle his own mother, *why* does this woman have a key to the house and *how* does anyone think that this behavior is okay/justified? On either end, FYI, b/c the ban should've come from the hubby. His mama, his drama!
This reminds me of my first GF, I took her home to meet my family. My mum just grunted at her, went upstairs and then stomped around for an hour and a half. It was mortifying as she was not stupid and I don't think my lies would have been able to convince her even if she was.
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Why would MIL think a "shrine wall" of her son was appropriate, anyway? It's not just HIS house. Where was the equal shrine wall for DIL? Mom is jealous and insecure, and wants the 8yo version of her son back. Son is on the road and just wants the drama to stop, and thinks appeasing his mom will shut her up. But he's about to learn the truth of the statement "happy wife, happy life".
NTA. It's your house and your husband's. MIL has no right to decorate a dang thing without permission.
From the moment i noticed that s**t on my wall id jus take it down n throw it out without sayn a word to MIL,soon as she goes out to pick it up or wateva m shuttn my door lock.bye b**ch😑
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Unfortunately, when you marry someone, you also marry their family. She married a vindictive wack-a-doodle
Start sending tons of Retirement Village and Mental Health Facility brochures to her house addressed to her specifically. You might have to Shady Pines this b***h.
In the past my MIL used to rave about how hubby's ex was and how she was so good with money. Hubby finally stepped in and told her to stop. He told her how abusive his ex was and used him for cheap labor on houses she flipped but never shared the money with him. It's easy to be good with money when you're squeezing your man for backbreaking labor and keeping the profits. She also cheated on him constantly. MIL stopped talking about the ex. Hubby set a boundary and enforces it. The relationship is so much better now.
Remove the ban. Invite her over. Serve tea near the photo. Replace the photo with YOUR face glued over the ex wife's face. Say nothing. Watch her stroke out-- fatally. Hope she leaves a fortune in her will to son. You're married, it's your money too. Happily ever after.
That actually depends on the state or place, in most US states inheritance is solely the person who inherited's unless there's a pre nup agreement stating otherwise
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She's right in that you can't erase the past. But you don't need to be f****n reminded of it either! And unless there were kids involved I would be super pissed at the ex still being around.
Good God that woman already needs to just leave. Good riddance. My exes mom as tried and tried starting crap between me and my husband so many times. It never works and always back fires on her. Idk why she won't get the hint. Its been 6 years now ladies. Get over it.
This is not OP's problem to fix. It's her husband's. HE needs to make it clear to mama that she was dead wrong.
Lmao What a fücking loser the mother in law is. God people really never grow out of being petty little dorks.
What the MIL did was incredibly disrespectful and if OP doesn't want them in her house I respect that. The audacity
The minute my husband did not have my back, I'd have banned his ass from the house as well. I think you got a lot of heartache in your future if you hang around. Good luck.
Banning mil until she says she's sorry would be what I would do but if hubby is a momma's boy you might want to get counseling or leave. In my case it didn't end well. But it's your house and photo of hubby and ex on wedding day not something to be on your walls. At least not in a huge picture frame. My mil loved hubby's first ex. On and on about her. I am overjoyed I never have to see her ever again.
WOW UNFKNBELIEVABLE 🤬 Wat she (mil) did is wrong on soo many levels!!!! Ur husband shud have ur back and make his mother realize that the 2 of yous are a team. I can't even believe the nerve of that woman. Definitely need to set boundaries and put her in her place. She needs to realize that she's not in control and ur not going to allow her to disrespect you like that. And husband shud be telling her that she bs needs to stop and she definitely owes you an apology. That woman is ignorant, disrespectful & crazy.
Had MIL hung a very small picture of the husband’s prior wedding in a place where it would barely be noticed or seen (like behind a door), the OP wouldn’t have been so upset. But to hang a huge copy of it and practically make it the center of attention on the picture wall shows unmitigated gall the MIL has. I would’ve banned her from the house too. Hubby is f*****g his SECOND marriage up bad if he doesn’t have his wife’s back on this and read his mother the riot act. Wonder if his first marriage failed for the same reason, or some variation of?
Hell nah! My MIL was the same always telling me stories about my husband's ex's and how cute they were or how bad he was to them and how bad man he was (SHE TRASH TALK ABOUT HER OWN SON!) but thank goodness I never paid attention and continue been happy with my husband because everything she always talked about him or his ex's never match how he was with me! We both ban her from our life including almost every member of his family and we now been happily married and have 3 beautiful kids and we are happy doing our things ... MIL can be toxic as fudd!!!! NEVER EVER BE AFRAID TO BAN PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE EVEN IF IS YOUR OWN PARENTS!
A ban is definitely necessary. Even if temporary. The husband should agree with the ban until the MIL ready to act right. Ive had better boyfriends when it comes to putting their foot down with family than this husband.
Funny as hell. I liked the response, "put a pic of you and your ex up. " I love a good laugh and would put them up together as a sort of shrine for the dead. You'd certainly get some laughs.
Husband is the real AH here. No reasonable person expects their partner to be ok with this. Dump him. It's not going to get better.
Op should have decorated an entire wall with pictures of all of the people that were part of her life.
MIL is going to get worse only because her husband isn’t going to back her up. That marriage is doomed. I would have ripped that picture in front of MIL but not ban her. That would make MIL feel powerless. I wouldn’t have told husband, I would have made the MIL tell her son. What a horrible way to start a marriage. She is not crazy, the MIL is crazy.
A 'ban' is a bit too pblibical for my taste and if it was meant forever indeed an overreacition. But the mil has really burned some bridges not just with the picture (seriously, what was she tinking???) and it's not the job of the husband or the poster to build them, it's the mil's job. The easiest solution is to demand the mil has to admit that she is wrong - that wa she'll probably ban herself from the house.
Mother-in-laws are tricky for women. While it was wrong and insensitive to have put up that picture, how you handled it was also wrong and conflict filled. Both of you showed disrespect and were inconsiderate. The home is half you, half your hubby, so banning your mil ensures she will dislike you and favor the 1st wife. You don't have the right to ban a mothet from her son's home, period. Apologize and acknowledge your overreaction. Win her over, or remain enemies-in-law.
You sound like a go along to get along push over!!! She has EVERY right to ban a disrespectful, controlling, manipulative person from her home no matter who it is!!! MILs don't have angel wings nor should they get a pass on their fuckery as if they do!! The OP is VERY correct in her actions and what she did
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Definitely NTA. And I don't think she went overboard. She set her boundaries. Made her opinion clear. MIL is the one that needs to apologize. However after MIL apologizes, I would lift the ban though and try to at least stay friendly. Be the better person. You don't need to like each other to stay polite. Just keep your boundaries. Make them clear. Smile. Even if in your mind you wish them all kinds of terror, sometimes it's just better to shoot daggers only in your mind but keep a smile on your face and remember that everyone gets what they deserve. Karma really does work. But better to stay polite than risk a MIL like that to drive a wedge in your marriage. Don't give her the satisfaction of succeeding. Doesn't mean of course that you should let MIL bulldoze over you. But keeping boundaries and staying polite (being the better person) should be a possible combination here.
DISRESPECTFUL much??! Her sons ex-wife is part of her grandchildrens (if any) lives!! NOT his new marriage!! Much less New home!! It's very clear this lady was looking for more than helping! You're in All your right of getting Upset and lashing out on her! If she's Not going to Respect you, your home, much less the fact that you are the New Wife...ban her!! Without any remorse!! Even in the Bible The Lord told Abram to go from his country, his people & his Parents house!!! Even back then He (the Lord)knew!!
You are not in the wrong! The MIL is crazy she needs help. I am pretty sure she didn't treat his ex all wonderful when they were married. I would have gotten a photo of me with an ex and put it up and see what she would have said instead of reacting to the photo. She was trying to disrespect you and make you uncomfortable in your own home and let you know your marriage wasn't going to last. Your husband shouldn't be asking you to remove the ban but instead say when I get home we are going to sit down with her and I will set her straight and tell her no more she is my ex for a reason. No more family events, no more photos no more making my wife feel like crap. You want to be friends with her ok but do it on your own time.
What a mean thing for mil to do.sounds like she's one of those controlling mothers who believes they can pick out son's wife,because she believes she knows who is better for him than he does. Could lead to more serious problems you did right for banning her from your home.
People should talk it over with each other before hanging anything on the wall. Period. On another note (for a different situation), if someone is a widower, then it should be up to the widower what to do with the picture. There is no time stamp on grief. I lost my Dad last January and there are times I still want to break down and cry, because I miss him so much.
Everyone is an a*****e here. The MIL had to know hanging a pic of the ex was wrong (or any pic for that matter. Who decorates *someone else's* house w/out consulting them???)... The OP definitely overreacted with the banishment... Husband should've stepped in more and sorted it out. ESH. Final answer.
i'd remove the frame afterwards. If asked why - gallery wall clashes with interrior design. Or, better off, rip picture in half - MIL can keep her son, ex gots to go, and hang back up again. Or simply overlay with OP's picture instead of previous bride. Or best, hang their own wedding picture - "son" has a better pose in the latter one. That being said, i'd be weirded out by living in my own house with child photos of my husband. Like hang those pictures in your damn house, wench! I ain't his mother, don't feel proud for his preschool football achievements
I'm surprised everyone was NTA. Although I feel her pain and anger. Why not accept that she is a crazy person, take the picture down (destroy it!) and move on. If she continues to be a jerk, just sever ties - let her husband visit her, or don't be home when she comes over. You can't pick your relatives, just remove her from your own life. She is probably never going to change.
I agree that MIL was completely out of line. Obviously picture needs to be gone and MIL go home but I also feel a total ban is going too far as well. Boundaries and limits need to be set but this is the husbands house and family. They need to come to a reasonable common ground.
I honestly do not understand these MILs that are so nosy of their child's marriage. Like don't you have a life? Go plow your garden and grow some flowers or vegetables.
She's obviously trying to cause problems. She wants her son back with his prev. girlfriend, and will keep trying regardless. I don't know about the picture, but I'd tell her she can't come to your home without your husband present, and your husband needs to decide if he's Mama's little boy or your grown ass husband.
I agree with h DIL, she had every right to get pissed off in the first place then, had every right to van this psychotic MIL who is a manipulative, lunatic & if Hubby don't got your back, he's not worthy of having you& other family members need to butt out
How I got my ex-husband back after he left me and our children ”I suggest you read my testimony. I'm Regina Brian, I'm so excited that my husband is back after he left me for another woman. My husband had an affair with a colleague and I love my husband so much but he cheated on me with his colleague and this girl, I think, uses witchcraft or black magic on my husband to make him hate me and it was so critical and without appeal, I cry day and night for God to send me help to bring my husband back! I was really upset and needed help, so I looked for help online and came across a website that suggested that Dr. Sunny could help find her husband quickly. So I felt like I had to give it a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it, and then he made a love spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and said I miss him so much, oh my god! I was so happy, and today I am happy with my man again and we are living happily together and I thank the powerful caster
You did right obviously she doesn't have any respect for u she mad she cant control who her son is with. Some people need to be to put in their place with all due respect especially mothers thats tooooo involved in their kids lives i dont blame you. Let her stay her way and u stay yours better yet let him know not to even mention his mother's name IN YO HOUSE!!! Straight up
Also, let your husband know he needs to be on board, backing you up. If he can’t do that, then he needs to go to therapy and work out his mommy issues and why he can’t stand up to her,. And until he can be supportive, you will not allow her to come into your home, and attempt to make you feel, bad about marrying her son, or that she knows she has more importance in her son’s life than you. And if she does, for your husband to tell you now, or you will have to re evaluate the marriage. Tell him you will not be in a tug of war over his love and support, with his mother.
NTA… but. She obviously has a need to have control over the situation. So, take the control out of her reach for good. Get ahold of his ex, explain the situation to her. Let her know you mean no disrespect, but the mother in law, needs to know, that her son and ex aren’t married any more. And you need her help to make sure she understands this fact. Invite her to lunch and then invite the mother in law. Discuss how mother must respect both you and the ex, and stop the inappropriate behavior. If she realizes she can’t use the two of you against each other, she will have to quit. Just a thought. Then, if she can’t stop her undermining, ban her, and let her know it will hold, even when you have kids… and you’d love for her to be there for them! But not acting like she has been. See what happens then.
I would have put it right in the shredder while she stood there with her toxic mouth wide open, then told her get out and dont come back until you find your manners.
What awful pieces of s*** Both the MIL and the husband. First off I would have torn the pic off the wall and set fire to it on the front lawn. She new exactly what she was doing. She's a shady b****. She knew it was wrong bc she waited for the DIL to not be there when she hung them. Also I dont care who you are why are you hanging s**t on my walls at all?. She was there to help with furniture delivery NOT as their interior designer. What if the DIL didnt want any pics on that wall. Now she either has to live with them on the wall or take them down and spackle and repaint that wall. The nerve of some people. The fact her husband didnt have her back makes me think he never will. This was a huge violation of respect and boundaries and the husband rolled over and played dead. Not Ok!
I think when hubby gets home you, mil, and he are to set down and have a conversation. I would drop the ban but under certain conditions. That she respects the fact that this is your home not hers or the ex. And no more of this shot is to happen or don't come in your home again
The husband is a weakliser momma's boy, and the MIL shoulda got cussed out, then tossed out. I would have set that photo on fire on the porch right in front of her, and told her if you disrespect me like that one more time, the next thing I light up will be you. I'm sure she would WANT to stay away from my house, no ban required.
I think if this happens to me, I will pull my psycho card too! Look at the picture in front of my MIL and then praise them! Then be like, "oh wait, I have mine too!" And proceed to take out all pics of my exes and crushes and then hang them on the walls too! Let's see how she will react! Would she get mad or would she said that line of "it's your past" BS lmao
I’m not sure that it would ever be a time where that would be accepted unless maybe a small pic somewhere if he was a widower or something and that would still be a bit debatable. Girl, you are a better person than I because I would’ve knocked her into next week. She might continue to be a real bone of contention in your marriage for many years. Stay strong, firm, and consistent with a MIL like that. I’m guessing she might be the type of woman to not let things go. Best of luck.
MIL was totally out of line. BUT the smarter reaction and more effective would have been for her to just thank the MIL for her help and not even acknowledge she noticed the ex picture. Then when MIL left she could have taken it down and let her husband know what MIL did. If she loves her husband she shouldn't allow the MIL to cause problems in her marriage. Wife is playing right into MIL's hand. Wife needs to act like she could care less to keep the upper hand. Her husband will love her more for not being a drama queen.
If there's any chance of the OP seeing this, I just want to say that I had something very similar happen to me in my life. My mother tried to set me up with a guy she really liked WHILE I AM ENGAGED and have been with this person for over a decade! I calmly asked to discuss this issue with her (and I began, firstly, by taking full accountability for my role in it), but I expressed how hurt my fiance was and I stood by him unequivocally when she, in return, lashed out and took zero accountability in any inappropriate/hurtful actions. And I have maintained that position in the years since regardless of how our relationship has changed b/c of it.
Absolutely kick that toxic SOB out if your life. She will never, ever stop that s**t!
The MIL was definitely out of line and should apologize to you. You are not the a**hole but you need to talk to your husband and ask him why he does not take a stronger position in Your favor against his mother. Is he a "mama's boy" and not able to stand up to her? I think you need to consider and make an appointment with a marriage and family therapist or your MIL may win her case and it will end badly for you. I know you don't want that so your hubby has to "man up" and put You and your feelings First, Always. If and when she apologizes, you can then consider having her back in your home but Only on Your terms as a couple MIL has to then behave herself permanently or No contact.
Stand your ground. She can not be allowed to treat you like this. You did not over react. If your husband can not respect you and stand with you and put his mom in her place, there is not much hope for your marriage. I had this kind of mil. And do not have kids, that's mils ammunition against you
Girl RUNNNNN. The Mil is crazy and so is her son. Who tf does that? Bat#@@× crazy. NTA
I would sit down with my mother in law and explain how things like that make you feel some mother in law's feel threatened when they feel that they may be getting replaced I would remove the ban because at the end of the day you're husband loves his mother and marriage is about sacrifice but also you and your husband together come on one Accord and explain that this behavior will not be tolerated good luck sweetheart
Oh no, girl you should run fast! Imagine dealing with this for the rest of your life?!?!
Your MIL knew exactly what she was trying to do. She was starting an argument between you and her son. Who in their right mind would think that was ok? It is your home, your wall, and HIS past. The new wife wasn't being jealous, she was informing MIL that what she was doing was disrespectful to her, and immediately sticking up for herself. BUT of course, her son wasn't there to witness it! The new wife had every right to tell her to leave and BAN her from coming over. The BAN doesn't have to be permanent but the wife pretty much told MIL that she isn't putting up with crap; 👏👏👏👏
Where do I comment on the ATROCIOUS quote from 1830 where the "linchpin" husband is getting to know his new wife at the same time SHE IS REPLACING HIS MOTHER'S DUTIES like What The F**k Is wrong with you that makes you say something so fouled up?
I have a toxic MIL that would do these type of things. Fortunately for my marriage, my partner and I stand united against her attempts to pot stir. That said, I'd never have a blow out like that in chat (or any other record) that would allow my MIL to cherry pick content to show friends and family that I'm the crazy AH. Disproportionate response may have been the scheme all along. Let's call that a rookie "dealing with crazy" mistake.
Guys what mil did is so absurd as to be hilarious! Imagine if Dil had insisted that the picture was so lovely that it deserved to be in the centre of the display, or perhaps above the mantle piece. Or hanging over the bed. A change in perspective changes everything!
Um hell no she had no right to put the picture of her son and his ex on the wall that was over the line if he doesn't defend her I'd be saying it's the mil pic or divorce
Yikes. This would be awful if MIL hung that photo on a a family photo wall in her own home. Still tacky, and hurtful. But in OP's own home is downright sinister. If there were a child or children from the first marriage, I could see hanging a photo of hubby and ex in a private area, such as the child's bedroom. But since that not the case here. NO! OP Is not the AH. She and hubby need to discuss a truce with MIL so can hang that blasted photo on her own bedroom, and STFU.
Wow…big red flag. You gave a boundary to mil and she tried to gaslight you so you had to give another by not allowing her in your home. Great boundaries. Problem is…now your fiancé is gaslighting you for the 2nd boundary you gave. I would allow the mil back in if she apologized and agreed to respect any boundary I give in my own home for the future. But you might want to be having some serious conversations and taking a lot of time to think if this is a rational relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life.?. I also highly recommend researching what gaslighting and narcissism is if you’re not already 100% clear of their definitions and many common traits in people. It can come in very handy to your future thoughts and decisions. Be strong and happy.
My humble opinion- the MIL may be the prevailing problem here, but the husband becomes the bigger problem if he doesn't support his wife 100%, which in this case is completely validated. There's no question the MIL was out of line and if the husband doesn't defend his wife now, she'll never forget it and the mom will always be a wedge in the relationship. I agree with NayNay2908- this is not the last time the MIL will cause issues in the marriage....
I would have just waited until MIL left and thrown the picture in the trash. If MIL asked about it later, I would have said. "What picture?"
NTA: However I would place it in two places 1-basement bathroom if there’s 1 or the Attic! EVERYONE happy. However MIL low blow inconsiderate and if she loves the ex that much she should be decorating and hanging up pictures at her home! Son needs to man up and set boundaries of mutual respect. I unfortunately dare hope you both have a prenup 😳 because if this is your beginning I feel that unless your husband becomes Switzerland (he is her son) and again puts boundaries between you and MIL she will continue to make your life hell! I hope all turns out well for you your marriage and future. Best of luck.
You were completely right in your decision ... You were disrespected in your own home ... I would have torched it in the driveway and sent the ex and momma "Karen" a photo or video. Think Angela Bassit in waiting to exhale.
The MIL achieved exactly what she wanted. To create an argument & start a war between all three. Mil is a malicious and untrustworthy person. Keep your guard up at all times, even when the dust settles. She’s like a snake in the grass, unpredictable on what she’ll do next. You need to have a quit & respectful convo. with your husband & he needs to have a convo. with his mommy & let her know to stay out of they’re business in every way. If & when she gets invited over. It’s an invitation as a guest. Don’t mention or touch any decorations in HIS home. MIL can wall paper his EX’s face all over her own house as she pleases but needs to respect his home as NOTHING to do with her & and keep her thoughts, actions & opinions to herself if she really loves him & wants to see him happy. She will have to apologize to his wife as she overstepped her grounds. MIL must be told to bite her tongue to keep the peace or she’ll see a lot less of him in future. Hubby! Grow some for your wife’s sake.
The mother-in-law knew from the beginning this would create problems, hostility, disrespect, and some hatred towards her for framing the ex-wife picture. The ex-wife picture has no place in this lady house. In my opinion, the mother-in-law has proven how insensitive she is, lack respect for her daughter-in-law, irresponsible in her thought process, disrespectful on al levels, selfish, could care less about her daughter-in-law feelings, no integrity towards orher people belongings, lack character/morals, creator of problems, dramatic to the fullest extent, attention seeker, and more than likely dislike the fact her son married this woman and divorce is ex-wife. Mother-in-law needs to be a positive force in her daughter-in-law life, her journey, and her life long decisions she makes and mother-in-law disapprove of. Mother-in-law needs to mind her own business. There are boundaries you just don't cross or over step. Choose your battles wisely and this isn't the one. Think before you act.
MIL wants to run two houses. If the ex is to be hanging around the house he needs to be alone with her not the new wife. MIL needs to get a life. Maybe thats why shes an ex MIL. Son is a whimp for taking her side. She needs to but out. Bet no body can run her house. Wonder why the ex left. She probably did something to her too. I would have thrown her out on her head. She is wicked and controllig.
We have to stop normalizing mother in laws treating their daughter in laws with rudeness and hate. It should not be acceptable.
Typical behavior from the MIL. You were right to get upset. But your husband should have been more supportive. If things got any worse I would have did the banning. The banning I think was a little over the top at first. But I agree you definitely deserve to be upset about what she did. She crossed the line in definitely! Your husband does owe you an apology as well. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
The mil is crazy to think that she can do that type of action and there not be any repercussions. Of course she nows what she is doing, of course she liked the ex better, because like so many other post have said she is controlling. The husband should have his wife's back and see what his mom is doing. I would personally call my mother and ban her myself for disrespecting my wife like that and myself as well. There is a reason that it is the ex and he should be angry also.
I would have ripped that picture off of the wall and smashed it in front of her. Then asked her after I swept up the mess if she would like to be tossed out in the garbage as well. Your son already threw her out, perhaps you should go with her this second time around. I'd also check with a lawyer asap, he didn't have his wife's back, maybe that's why first wife left.
First sign of a toxic relationship(any relationship) the other person not respecting you as a person and overstepping your boundaries or not caring whether you have any and where they might be. This also means you need to respect other people a d their boundaries to begin with,clearly. But yeah,if I learned anything in my life it's this. Everybody deserves respect,but people who have no respect for others or their boundaries,wont care for their own eather. They will think you are weird for keeping a distance and having bounds.
I agree with the people who say that the wife played right into what the MIL wanted, which was to force the son to "choose" between them. I, however, disagree that she should have just let it go instead: obviously the MIL had tried other stuff and was going to keep going until she got lashback. IMO the thing to do is to stop and say "hay, I want to ask you why you are actively undermining your son". See, the son was the one who chose the new relationship, and in some ways chose to get out of the old one even if the Ex took initiative to actually end things. This puts the mom back on defense. She has to explain her (obviously antagonistic) actions instead of just waiting for an emotional reaction. The less emotion projected with this question (and if there is emotion, try for concern over anger) the better. Don't expect a slam dunk. The MIL has made is clear she is happy to use manipulation to "win" and you aren't going to "fix" a narcissist or her enabling son or social group.
There is also the option of "leave now, before it gets worse". Again, no defense will "fix" the situation, so the son either needs to step up or realize this is a deal breaker. I may be a little petty and vindictive, but I would definitely find a way to say "it's probably stuff like this that made her an ex" where the son can definitely hear next time it comes up, if you are past trying to patch things up. Final thought: this is exactly how PoC feel when some statue of a person who was genuinely nasty to PoC won't get taken down "because you can't just erase history". Yup, racial "supremacists" and actual elitists are a lot like narcissists.
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Just to lay this out bluntly. Your MIL is a nasty B***h!! I don't think a complete ban will hold up but you've definitely made you point and she got your point. Upon further examination, you may be surprised to find the real reason why first wife is an ex! I bet ex's feelings quite differ from the MIL's warm-and-fuzzy rendition of their relationship!
My suggestion would to go live somewhere not by your in laws. That away they are to fat away to interfere with your marriage.
OP, MIL, Hubby, okay I agree with what most are saying about boundaries, respect and power plays...but now can we talk about the self-respect and or vindictiveness of the EX wife, who tagged along and took her happy self to another womans house, and allowed her mil to put that picture up??? I'm beginning to get a picture of why she is now an ex.
Had a similar situation with my MIL. As soon as my husband found out she was still 'friends" with his ex he had a fit. He explained to his mother it was disrespectful to me and he would not stand for it. She never mentioned his ex again and we had a beautiful relationship. Your husband needs to stand up to his mother or she will never stop that behavior.
I would ease off the ban but with VERY strict rules and make it clear that she's on probation. For example, she's only allowed over during specific events and only if the husband is there as well. If she has a house key I would ask for it back and if she resists tell her that you will change the locks. When she calls that an over reaction tell her "no, it's setting firm boundaries and I'm informing you there will be consequences if they aren't respected. You have come into my home and done something incredibly hurtful and have been unapologetic. I no longer trust you. Perhaps in the future things can be mended but for the time being this is the way things are."
Move the ex in, have a menage a trois, and hang a picture of all 3 of you together up... that'll show her!
I would have handled it a bit differently. I would have complimented her on the picture wall, but mentioned the one picture I didn't care for. I would have asked for the house key, after all, the job is done. After MIL left, I would remove that picture. On her next (supervised) visit and she objected to the removal of the picture, I would have told her that it was inappropriate on my wall and again thank her for the rest of wall. It's a way of setting boundaries without all the drama of me getting noticeably upset. Where OP is now, restart with boundaries. Apologize for "losing it", picture is gone from the wall (passive tense because it doesn't matter who removed it), Hubby explains to his mummy that he thinks that picture is inappropriate in OPs house. He asks for her key to the house as a condition of the ban being lifted. She will be on supervised visits from now on.
In all honesty, I think they're both nuts. MIL was waaaay out of line, but the woman posting was massively overreacting. The situation could have been handled far better, and in a much calmer fashion.
THAT OLD WITCH WOULD STAY BANNED, AND IF HER SON DIDN'T BACK ME UP, OR LET HER BACK IN WITHOUT MY CONSENT, HE'D BE DIVORCED AGAIN, AND HIS EX-WIFE, AND HIS MOTHER, CAN HELP PAY HIS ALIMONY!
NTA here because what MIL did was disrespectful. My grandmother loves all her DILs, including former ones (would invite one to Xmas dinner for 20+ years after the divorce even) but I would say she was in the wrong if she pulled that photo stunt. MIL doubled down when she was called out which means an apology would just be lip service and wouldn't mean a thing. Husband is in the wrong because he wasn't backing his wife and thinking that she should have to ask permission to ban anyone who was disrespectful to wife in her home which shows that MIL and Husband think of this new place as HIS home and not THEIR home.
MIL is playing chess. She is amping up the game to remove the queen aka wife. So many questions. Why is the ex being invited to family gatherings? Are the events for the husband's and ex's children? MIL maliciously placed that photo on the wall. I wouldn't be surprised if she bought it from her own home. The new wife needs to stand her ground and hubby back her. The mother-in-law is not allowed in the home until she apologizes and begins to respect (she doesn't have to like) the new wife. If husband can't see why the photo isn't a big deal, she should place photos of her ex in every room of the house, including the bedroom and bathroom. She then should pretend that nothing is wrong; and act normal until he realizes how important his wife's feelings are too. She might not win against the invites (The ex is messy too.), but she'll have control of her house back and checkmate MIL.
Just where did this picture come from ?did she bring it from her place? If she wants to look at the pictures then maybe she should just put an album together and leave it at her home so she can look at it and not be disrespectful and put it in the new wife’s face how disgusting is that ! I don’t think she’s over reacting at all being being nice won’t work unfortunately she will make it her mission to split up that marriage I guarantee it . was any of this going on before you got married? If so was it not talked about or was it just brushed under the carpet? I agree with everyone here you really should reconsider everything be strong you’re going to need to be strong he’s not going to change she’s not going to change take care I hope things get better for you.
Where did this picture come from ?? did the mother-in-law bring it to the house? She’s completely disrespectful she knew she was going to get a rise out of her that’s why she did it. she doesn’t approve of the marriage she liked the other daughter-in-law better and what the hell is with inviting her everywhere come on! What kind of person is she ?! I agree with everyone when it comes to the fact that the mother-in-law is not going to get any better she will make it her mission to put a wedge and then destroy that marriage , talking to her like that she has no respect for her at all she definitely feels threatened that the daughter-in-law is taking her place unfortunately that marriage is not going to last, husband‘s not gonna change. Question though did you not see these warning signs before you got married if so was it actually talked about or was it put under the carpet like it it’s not gonna be an issue just wondering
"MIL "adores" my husband's ex...she includes her in events and holidays" Why has there not been conversation about this until now? Makes me wonder the reason the husband and ex got divorced in the first place. Clearly the man has no backbone. If MIL wants relationship with ex she can do that on her own time, but to force that upon the new wife because she supports her weak husband is cruel.
Maybe banning her forever was a bit much but banning her for a month or so will teach her a lesson. I think you need to not react to her efforts to make you mad because low key I think that’s what she wants to make you out as the crazy one. Simply take down the photo and don't react to it. If you don’t react she’ll stop doing it cause it’s not getting to you.
Remove the ban and when she visits you run errands. She's not ready to build a relationship with you right now. Let her keep her true love. She needs to come to you correct.
My MIL is still best friend with my husband's 1st ex-wife. An until recently his 2nd ex-wife also. I am his 3rd wife. I know exactly how this wife feels. My MIL has and does over step our boundaries every day. To the point I bought a doorbell with a camera to see when she comes over when we are not home. She has gone through our home taking what she wants when watching our daughter. She even tried to invite his 1st to our wedding. Then later whispered in my ears that maybe she can make his next wedding (his grandmother had a stoke at the ceremony.)
Is it an x as in bad breakup, or a dead wife? If she died, i can kind of understand wanting to honor her life, but if she's alive... i dunno. Maybe the MIL should go date her?
That marriage has about a year if the husband doesn't start standing up to mommy. A woman not wanting pics of her husband's ex wife on her wall does not signal insecurities.
This was a major breech of boundaries to begin with. Your MIL took it upon herself to decorate the house how she saw fit, and she sees it as an extension of her own. Not only did she make hubby and his ex the focus point but the fact that she put up a display wall of pictures of only him is disturbing. I've been in many houses in my life and pictures are hung of the couples, not a shrine to only one of them. She completely left the OP out of the picture wall and can't seem to accept that this is a chapter in her son's life that is over.
100 💯 Its your home. Not hers. Whether u accept tje ex or not. Theres no kids\none in the photo. & Its between u n ur husband. Ure not psycho craY. Yeah probably the actual reaction idk i wasnt rhere. But thats Your home! Urs! Not ehrs! So no she had zero right & SHE IS OVERREACTING NUTS CAUSING TROUBLES. She can respect yalls relationship or stay the fk away!
A blanket ban is only going to alienate the wife from everyone, especially the husband who is now in a very awkward positions having to choose between his mum and his wife, and outwardly looks like he is a victim of a controlling partner. As with pretty much every issue in relationships, they all need to communicate and set boundaries.
I would have slammed picture on my MIL car if she didn't leave.. I would have made such a big deal that the only solution would have been either my wife support me or divorce.. I have never and would never allow anyone in my relationship or I leave period.. I don't get people who stay in shitty relationship and blame everything else but themselves.. Only cowards and people with no means of taking care of themselves deal with this b******t..
I'd be mostly fine with my partner putting up pictures of his exes. It is part of his life, and if he assures me they're still friends and will never be more than that, it's fine. It just can't be a lot of pictures or of them being affectionate or in a high traffic area. For example, he has a nice picture of himself and his ex and all of their friends at their senior prom. No reason to throw it out just because it features someone he dated for about a month. I get that an ex spouse is different, but the principle is the same. My parents divorced, but they didn't throw out any of my baby photos that they're both in, you know?
I'd say NTA for having the offending picture removed, but YTA if she keeps the ban in place.
Why do you think this is ok? Is that how you would handle this? That mil would continue to disrespect you until she takes her last breath!
Load More Replies... An overreaction of mil bringing picture of husband and ex wedding picture? I understand a permanent ban may not be feasible but for initial reaction, someone else may have actually become physical! Would that scenario be ok if it happened to you?
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Probably the reason the MIL likes the previous wife is because she didn’t stand up for herself when the MIL did crazy s**t. Before we married, my wife and I lived together for a couple of years. My mother sent a nasty letter to my wife’s parents about us living in sin and bashed them about how they raised such a daughter. It did get better when she found out we weren’t going to play her games but I initially told my SO that she didn’t have to ever have any contact with my mother if my mother was going to treat her like that. We’ve now been married for 42 years and counting. Don’t accept bad behavior from anybody. Including your parents.
5 stars! 10/10!! I said something similar, but not as well. I completely agree with you.
Load More Replies... The problem is here that no boundaries have been set. This MIL shouldn’t even think she has the right to do that, never mind actually doing it. This was a tactic to get you to fight with your husband, and it seems like she won. Be careful who you ask to help. And before you do, make sure they know their limits. Set clear boundaries, especially with in-laws.
This marriage won't last long, MIL is not just simple toxic, she is evil.
It doesn’t have to end if her husband is being understanding. They simply have to set strong boundaries. People do as much as you let them do.
Load More Replies... What is with men who choose their moms over their spouses? I have seen a lot of this in my personal life and I have to say, it seems really creepy to me. There are so many women out there who can't let go of their sons, and so many sons who just love it.
But in this case, the OP seems like she reacted quite strongly for the situation. Why get mad over something as stupid and petty as a photo? It's your house, your rules, and if you didn't want the photo there, you just remove the photo. I wouldn't have even said anything. Keep the frame, put a photo of you and your husband in it, and just move on with your life. The MIL totally manipulated that reaction out of the OP, and the OP played right in to her hands.
Load More Replies... My mother and my ex could not stand each other. They could tolerate each other in the same room. My ex liked taking her clothes off......for the neighbor. Due to her infidelity, i divorced her. Dont know how it happened, but soon after the divorce, the two of them became the best of friends. I just quietly separated myself from my mother. if i talked to her, I gave her no information knowing it would all get back to my ex. Been 20 years and she hasnt figured out why I barely talk to her. Hell, when I got remarried, I didnt even invite her. Mainly because she told all our neighbors (I live on the opposite side of the same development) that my current wife was a gold digger.
For whatever psycho reason current males partners & their moms never get along its the "shes not good enough\doesnt do it my way" syndrome. I get along w my husbands mom & step mom & gma whose basically his 3rd mom. Theres still an insecure tension\ ill never live up to them aka idc but anything i say will turn into an argument because we are night & day different feeling. Which is likely 90% just me. Because thats hwo my family was. Negligent. Toxic. Etc. Im lucky. But i still see things where theres probably innocence. But i never try to come between my husband and his family. Id divorce him first.
Load More Replies... No matter what the photo was, I would have been pissed if my MIL had hung anything on our walls. I don’t want to repair the holes if something is put where I don’t want it. That’s a big deal.
Right? That was the first thing I thought. Unless she had provided a template with precise height guidelines of exactly what and where she wanted pictures hung, nobody should be anywhere near those walls. The large ex-DIL wedding photo was twisting the knife.
Load More Replies... When I saw the headline, I thought the MIL hung the picture in her own house, which didn't seem too bad - my mom has a photo that includes my ex because she really likes the photo and as she said, the ex is part of my life. My wife doesn't care, it's a nice family photo. But hanging the photo in the son and daughter in law's house crosses the line, MIL has no right to decide what photos they show. While I'm still on good terms with my ex, I certainly wouldn't hang a photo of her in my house.
Even if it were the MIL house. My MIL removed my partners wedding photo from his first marriage from her own wall, even though he has three children from that marriage and I never once said anything about pictures at all.
Load More Replies... She only did it to get a reaction. Obviously. It's very childish and immature. That being said, I would have left it there, wait for my husband to come home and be like "yeah and your mom did this wall for us". I would like to know how he felt about it because it would tell a lot about his attitude towards her behavior and our relationship together. That would give me more to go with compared to getting mad at someone who did something just to get exactly the reaction she was looking for.
What the MIL did was malicious and was deliberate. A true and tried POS.
Edited b/c it just hit me: While ideally I'd have let the hubs handle his own mother, *why* does this woman have a key to the house and *how* does anyone think that this behavior is okay/justified? On either end, FYI, b/c the ban should've come from the hubby. His mama, his drama!
This reminds me of my first GF, I took her home to meet my family. My mum just grunted at her, went upstairs and then stomped around for an hour and a half. It was mortifying as she was not stupid and I don't think my lies would have been able to convince her even if she was.
Load More Replies... Why would MIL think a "shrine wall" of her son was appropriate, anyway? It's not just HIS house. Where was the equal shrine wall for DIL? Mom is jealous and insecure, and wants the 8yo version of her son back. Son is on the road and just wants the drama to stop, and thinks appeasing his mom will shut her up. But he's about to learn the truth of the statement "happy wife, happy life".
NTA. It's your house and your husband's. MIL has no right to decorate a dang thing without permission.
From the moment i noticed that s**t on my wall id jus take it down n throw it out without sayn a word to MIL,soon as she goes out to pick it up or wateva m shuttn my door lock.bye b**ch😑
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, when you marry someone, you also marry their family. She married a vindictive wack-a-doodle
Start sending tons of Retirement Village and Mental Health Facility brochures to her house addressed to her specifically. You might have to Shady Pines this b***h.
In the past my MIL used to rave about how hubby's ex was and how she was so good with money. Hubby finally stepped in and told her to stop. He told her how abusive his ex was and used him for cheap labor on houses she flipped but never shared the money with him. It's easy to be good with money when you're squeezing your man for backbreaking labor and keeping the profits. She also cheated on him constantly. MIL stopped talking about the ex. Hubby set a boundary and enforces it. The relationship is so much better now.
Remove the ban. Invite her over. Serve tea near the photo. Replace the photo with YOUR face glued over the ex wife's face. Say nothing. Watch her stroke out-- fatally. Hope she leaves a fortune in her will to son. You're married, it's your money too. Happily ever after.
That actually depends on the state or place, in most US states inheritance is solely the person who inherited's unless there's a pre nup agreement stating otherwise
Load More Replies... She's right in that you can't erase the past. But you don't need to be f****n reminded of it either! And unless there were kids involved I would be super pissed at the ex still being around.
Good God that woman already needs to just leave. Good riddance. My exes mom as tried and tried starting crap between me and my husband so many times. It never works and always back fires on her. Idk why she won't get the hint. Its been 6 years now ladies. Get over it.
This is not OP's problem to fix. It's her husband's. HE needs to make it clear to mama that she was dead wrong.
Lmao What a fücking loser the mother in law is. God people really never grow out of being petty little dorks.
What the MIL did was incredibly disrespectful and if OP doesn't want them in her house I respect that. The audacity
The minute my husband did not have my back, I'd have banned his ass from the house as well. I think you got a lot of heartache in your future if you hang around. Good luck.
Banning mil until she says she's sorry would be what I would do but if hubby is a momma's boy you might want to get counseling or leave. In my case it didn't end well. But it's your house and photo of hubby and ex on wedding day not something to be on your walls. At least not in a huge picture frame. My mil loved hubby's first ex. On and on about her. I am overjoyed I never have to see her ever again.
WOW UNFKNBELIEVABLE 🤬 Wat she (mil) did is wrong on soo many levels!!!! Ur husband shud have ur back and make his mother realize that the 2 of yous are a team. I can't even believe the nerve of that woman. Definitely need to set boundaries and put her in her place. She needs to realize that she's not in control and ur not going to allow her to disrespect you like that. And husband shud be telling her that she bs needs to stop and she definitely owes you an apology. That woman is ignorant, disrespectful & crazy.
Had MIL hung a very small picture of the husband’s prior wedding in a place where it would barely be noticed or seen (like behind a door), the OP wouldn’t have been so upset. But to hang a huge copy of it and practically make it the center of attention on the picture wall shows unmitigated gall the MIL has. I would’ve banned her from the house too. Hubby is f*****g his SECOND marriage up bad if he doesn’t have his wife’s back on this and read his mother the riot act. Wonder if his first marriage failed for the same reason, or some variation of?
Hell nah! My MIL was the same always telling me stories about my husband's ex's and how cute they were or how bad he was to them and how bad man he was (SHE TRASH TALK ABOUT HER OWN SON!) but thank goodness I never paid attention and continue been happy with my husband because everything she always talked about him or his ex's never match how he was with me! We both ban her from our life including almost every member of his family and we now been happily married and have 3 beautiful kids and we are happy doing our things ... MIL can be toxic as fudd!!!! NEVER EVER BE AFRAID TO BAN PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE EVEN IF IS YOUR OWN PARENTS!
A ban is definitely necessary. Even if temporary. The husband should agree with the ban until the MIL ready to act right. Ive had better boyfriends when it comes to putting their foot down with family than this husband.
Funny as hell. I liked the response, "put a pic of you and your ex up. " I love a good laugh and would put them up together as a sort of shrine for the dead. You'd certainly get some laughs.
Husband is the real AH here. No reasonable person expects their partner to be ok with this. Dump him. It's not going to get better.
Op should have decorated an entire wall with pictures of all of the people that were part of her life.
MIL is going to get worse only because her husband isn’t going to back her up. That marriage is doomed. I would have ripped that picture in front of MIL but not ban her. That would make MIL feel powerless. I wouldn’t have told husband, I would have made the MIL tell her son. What a horrible way to start a marriage. She is not crazy, the MIL is crazy.
A 'ban' is a bit too pblibical for my taste and if it was meant forever indeed an overreacition. But the mil has really burned some bridges not just with the picture (seriously, what was she tinking???) and it's not the job of the husband or the poster to build them, it's the mil's job. The easiest solution is to demand the mil has to admit that she is wrong - that wa she'll probably ban herself from the house.
Mother-in-laws are tricky for women. While it was wrong and insensitive to have put up that picture, how you handled it was also wrong and conflict filled. Both of you showed disrespect and were inconsiderate. The home is half you, half your hubby, so banning your mil ensures she will dislike you and favor the 1st wife. You don't have the right to ban a mothet from her son's home, period. Apologize and acknowledge your overreaction. Win her over, or remain enemies-in-law.
You sound like a go along to get along push over!!! She has EVERY right to ban a disrespectful, controlling, manipulative person from her home no matter who it is!!! MILs don't have angel wings nor should they get a pass on their fuckery as if they do!! The OP is VERY correct in her actions and what she did
Load More Replies... Definitely NTA. And I don't think she went overboard. She set her boundaries. Made her opinion clear. MIL is the one that needs to apologize. However after MIL apologizes, I would lift the ban though and try to at least stay friendly. Be the better person. You don't need to like each other to stay polite. Just keep your boundaries. Make them clear. Smile. Even if in your mind you wish them all kinds of terror, sometimes it's just better to shoot daggers only in your mind but keep a smile on your face and remember that everyone gets what they deserve. Karma really does work. But better to stay polite than risk a MIL like that to drive a wedge in your marriage. Don't give her the satisfaction of succeeding. Doesn't mean of course that you should let MIL bulldoze over you. But keeping boundaries and staying polite (being the better person) should be a possible combination here.
DISRESPECTFUL much??! Her sons ex-wife is part of her grandchildrens (if any) lives!! NOT his new marriage!! Much less New home!! It's very clear this lady was looking for more than helping! You're in All your right of getting Upset and lashing out on her! If she's Not going to Respect you, your home, much less the fact that you are the New Wife...ban her!! Without any remorse!! Even in the Bible The Lord told Abram to go from his country, his people & his Parents house!!! Even back then He (the Lord)knew!!
You are not in the wrong! The MIL is crazy she needs help. I am pretty sure she didn't treat his ex all wonderful when they were married. I would have gotten a photo of me with an ex and put it up and see what she would have said instead of reacting to the photo. She was trying to disrespect you and make you uncomfortable in your own home and let you know your marriage wasn't going to last. Your husband shouldn't be asking you to remove the ban but instead say when I get home we are going to sit down with her and I will set her straight and tell her no more she is my ex for a reason. No more family events, no more photos no more making my wife feel like crap. You want to be friends with her ok but do it on your own time.
What a mean thing for mil to do.sounds like she's one of those controlling mothers who believes they can pick out son's wife,because she believes she knows who is better for him than he does. Could lead to more serious problems you did right for banning her from your home.
People should talk it over with each other before hanging anything on the wall. Period. On another note (for a different situation), if someone is a widower, then it should be up to the widower what to do with the picture. There is no time stamp on grief. I lost my Dad last January and there are times I still want to break down and cry, because I miss him so much.
Everyone is an a*****e here. The MIL had to know hanging a pic of the ex was wrong (or any pic for that matter. Who decorates *someone else's* house w/out consulting them???)... The OP definitely overreacted with the banishment... Husband should've stepped in more and sorted it out. ESH. Final answer.
i'd remove the frame afterwards. If asked why - gallery wall clashes with interrior design. Or, better off, rip picture in half - MIL can keep her son, ex gots to go, and hang back up again. Or simply overlay with OP's picture instead of previous bride. Or best, hang their own wedding picture - "son" has a better pose in the latter one. That being said, i'd be weirded out by living in my own house with child photos of my husband. Like hang those pictures in your damn house, wench! I ain't his mother, don't feel proud for his preschool football achievements
I'm surprised everyone was NTA. Although I feel her pain and anger. Why not accept that she is a crazy person, take the picture down (destroy it!) and move on. If she continues to be a jerk, just sever ties - let her husband visit her, or don't be home when she comes over. You can't pick your relatives, just remove her from your own life. She is probably never going to change.
I agree that MIL was completely out of line. Obviously picture needs to be gone and MIL go home but I also feel a total ban is going too far as well. Boundaries and limits need to be set but this is the husbands house and family. They need to come to a reasonable common ground.
I honestly do not understand these MILs that are so nosy of their child's marriage. Like don't you have a life? Go plow your garden and grow some flowers or vegetables.
She's obviously trying to cause problems. She wants her son back with his prev. girlfriend, and will keep trying regardless. I don't know about the picture, but I'd tell her she can't come to your home without your husband present, and your husband needs to decide if he's Mama's little boy or your grown ass husband.
I agree with h DIL, she had every right to get pissed off in the first place then, had every right to van this psychotic MIL who is a manipulative, lunatic & if Hubby don't got your back, he's not worthy of having you& other family members need to butt out
How I got my ex-husband back after he left me and our children ”I suggest you read my testimony. I'm Regina Brian, I'm so excited that my husband is back after he left me for another woman. My husband had an affair with a colleague and I love my husband so much but he cheated on me with his colleague and this girl, I think, uses witchcraft or black magic on my husband to make him hate me and it was so critical and without appeal, I cry day and night for God to send me help to bring my husband back! I was really upset and needed help, so I looked for help online and came across a website that suggested that Dr. Sunny could help find her husband quickly. So I felt like I had to give it a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it, and then he made a love spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and said I miss him so much, oh my god! I was so happy, and today I am happy with my man again and we are living happily together and I thank the powerful caster
You did right obviously she doesn't have any respect for u she mad she cant control who her son is with. Some people need to be to put in their place with all due respect especially mothers thats tooooo involved in their kids lives i dont blame you. Let her stay her way and u stay yours better yet let him know not to even mention his mother's name IN YO HOUSE!!! Straight up
Also, let your husband know he needs to be on board, backing you up. If he can’t do that, then he needs to go to therapy and work out his mommy issues and why he can’t stand up to her,. And until he can be supportive, you will not allow her to come into your home, and attempt to make you feel, bad about marrying her son, or that she knows she has more importance in her son’s life than you. And if she does, for your husband to tell you now, or you will have to re evaluate the marriage. Tell him you will not be in a tug of war over his love and support, with his mother.
NTA… but. She obviously has a need to have control over the situation. So, take the control out of her reach for good. Get ahold of his ex, explain the situation to her. Let her know you mean no disrespect, but the mother in law, needs to know, that her son and ex aren’t married any more. And you need her help to make sure she understands this fact. Invite her to lunch and then invite the mother in law. Discuss how mother must respect both you and the ex, and stop the inappropriate behavior. If she realizes she can’t use the two of you against each other, she will have to quit. Just a thought. Then, if she can’t stop her undermining, ban her, and let her know it will hold, even when you have kids… and you’d love for her to be there for them! But not acting like she has been. See what happens then.
I would have put it right in the shredder while she stood there with her toxic mouth wide open, then told her get out and dont come back until you find your manners.
What awful pieces of s*** Both the MIL and the husband. First off I would have torn the pic off the wall and set fire to it on the front lawn. She new exactly what she was doing. She's a shady b****. She knew it was wrong bc she waited for the DIL to not be there when she hung them. Also I dont care who you are why are you hanging s**t on my walls at all?. She was there to help with furniture delivery NOT as their interior designer. What if the DIL didnt want any pics on that wall. Now she either has to live with them on the wall or take them down and spackle and repaint that wall. The nerve of some people. The fact her husband didnt have her back makes me think he never will. This was a huge violation of respect and boundaries and the husband rolled over and played dead. Not Ok!
I think when hubby gets home you, mil, and he are to set down and have a conversation. I would drop the ban but under certain conditions. That she respects the fact that this is your home not hers or the ex. And no more of this shot is to happen or don't come in your home again
The husband is a weakliser momma's boy, and the MIL shoulda got cussed out, then tossed out. I would have set that photo on fire on the porch right in front of her, and told her if you disrespect me like that one more time, the next thing I light up will be you. I'm sure she would WANT to stay away from my house, no ban required.
I think if this happens to me, I will pull my psycho card too! Look at the picture in front of my MIL and then praise them! Then be like, "oh wait, I have mine too!" And proceed to take out all pics of my exes and crushes and then hang them on the walls too! Let's see how she will react! Would she get mad or would she said that line of "it's your past" BS lmao
I’m not sure that it would ever be a time where that would be accepted unless maybe a small pic somewhere if he was a widower or something and that would still be a bit debatable. Girl, you are a better person than I because I would’ve knocked her into next week. She might continue to be a real bone of contention in your marriage for many years. Stay strong, firm, and consistent with a MIL like that. I’m guessing she might be the type of woman to not let things go. Best of luck.
MIL was totally out of line. BUT the smarter reaction and more effective would have been for her to just thank the MIL for her help and not even acknowledge she noticed the ex picture. Then when MIL left she could have taken it down and let her husband know what MIL did. If she loves her husband she shouldn't allow the MIL to cause problems in her marriage. Wife is playing right into MIL's hand. Wife needs to act like she could care less to keep the upper hand. Her husband will love her more for not being a drama queen.
If there's any chance of the OP seeing this, I just want to say that I had something very similar happen to me in my life. My mother tried to set me up with a guy she really liked WHILE I AM ENGAGED and have been with this person for over a decade! I calmly asked to discuss this issue with her (and I began, firstly, by taking full accountability for my role in it), but I expressed how hurt my fiance was and I stood by him unequivocally when she, in return, lashed out and took zero accountability in any inappropriate/hurtful actions. And I have maintained that position in the years since regardless of how our relationship has changed b/c of it.
Absolutely kick that toxic SOB out if your life. She will never, ever stop that s**t!
The MIL was definitely out of line and should apologize to you. You are not the a**hole but you need to talk to your husband and ask him why he does not take a stronger position in Your favor against his mother. Is he a "mama's boy" and not able to stand up to her? I think you need to consider and make an appointment with a marriage and family therapist or your MIL may win her case and it will end badly for you. I know you don't want that so your hubby has to "man up" and put You and your feelings First, Always. If and when she apologizes, you can then consider having her back in your home but Only on Your terms as a couple MIL has to then behave herself permanently or No contact.
Stand your ground. She can not be allowed to treat you like this. You did not over react. If your husband can not respect you and stand with you and put his mom in her place, there is not much hope for your marriage. I had this kind of mil. And do not have kids, that's mils ammunition against you
Girl RUNNNNN. The Mil is crazy and so is her son. Who tf does that? Bat#@@× crazy. NTA
I would sit down with my mother in law and explain how things like that make you feel some mother in law's feel threatened when they feel that they may be getting replaced I would remove the ban because at the end of the day you're husband loves his mother and marriage is about sacrifice but also you and your husband together come on one Accord and explain that this behavior will not be tolerated good luck sweetheart
Oh no, girl you should run fast! Imagine dealing with this for the rest of your life?!?!
Your MIL knew exactly what she was trying to do. She was starting an argument between you and her son. Who in their right mind would think that was ok? It is your home, your wall, and HIS past. The new wife wasn't being jealous, she was informing MIL that what she was doing was disrespectful to her, and immediately sticking up for herself. BUT of course, her son wasn't there to witness it! The new wife had every right to tell her to leave and BAN her from coming over. The BAN doesn't have to be permanent but the wife pretty much told MIL that she isn't putting up with crap; 👏👏👏👏
Where do I comment on the ATROCIOUS quote from 1830 where the "linchpin" husband is getting to know his new wife at the same time SHE IS REPLACING HIS MOTHER'S DUTIES like What The F**k Is wrong with you that makes you say something so fouled up?
I have a toxic MIL that would do these type of things. Fortunately for my marriage, my partner and I stand united against her attempts to pot stir. That said, I'd never have a blow out like that in chat (or any other record) that would allow my MIL to cherry pick content to show friends and family that I'm the crazy AH. Disproportionate response may have been the scheme all along. Let's call that a rookie "dealing with crazy" mistake.
Guys what mil did is so absurd as to be hilarious! Imagine if Dil had insisted that the picture was so lovely that it deserved to be in the centre of the display, or perhaps above the mantle piece. Or hanging over the bed. A change in perspective changes everything!
Um hell no she had no right to put the picture of her son and his ex on the wall that was over the line if he doesn't defend her I'd be saying it's the mil pic or divorce
Yikes. This would be awful if MIL hung that photo on a a family photo wall in her own home. Still tacky, and hurtful. But in OP's own home is downright sinister. If there were a child or children from the first marriage, I could see hanging a photo of hubby and ex in a private area, such as the child's bedroom. But since that not the case here. NO! OP Is not the AH. She and hubby need to discuss a truce with MIL so can hang that blasted photo on her own bedroom, and STFU.
Wow…big red flag. You gave a boundary to mil and she tried to gaslight you so you had to give another by not allowing her in your home. Great boundaries. Problem is…now your fiancé is gaslighting you for the 2nd boundary you gave. I would allow the mil back in if she apologized and agreed to respect any boundary I give in my own home for the future. But you might want to be having some serious conversations and taking a lot of time to think if this is a rational relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life.?. I also highly recommend researching what gaslighting and narcissism is if you’re not already 100% clear of their definitions and many common traits in people. It can come in very handy to your future thoughts and decisions. Be strong and happy.
My humble opinion- the MIL may be the prevailing problem here, but the husband becomes the bigger problem if he doesn't support his wife 100%, which in this case is completely validated. There's no question the MIL was out of line and if the husband doesn't defend his wife now, she'll never forget it and the mom will always be a wedge in the relationship. I agree with NayNay2908- this is not the last time the MIL will cause issues in the marriage....
I would have just waited until MIL left and thrown the picture in the trash. If MIL asked about it later, I would have said. "What picture?"
NTA: However I would place it in two places 1-basement bathroom if there’s 1 or the Attic! EVERYONE happy. However MIL low blow inconsiderate and if she loves the ex that much she should be decorating and hanging up pictures at her home! Son needs to man up and set boundaries of mutual respect. I unfortunately dare hope you both have a prenup 😳 because if this is your beginning I feel that unless your husband becomes Switzerland (he is her son) and again puts boundaries between you and MIL she will continue to make your life hell! I hope all turns out well for you your marriage and future. Best of luck.
You were completely right in your decision ... You were disrespected in your own home ... I would have torched it in the driveway and sent the ex and momma "Karen" a photo or video. Think Angela Bassit in waiting to exhale.
The MIL achieved exactly what she wanted. To create an argument & start a war between all three. Mil is a malicious and untrustworthy person. Keep your guard up at all times, even when the dust settles. She’s like a snake in the grass, unpredictable on what she’ll do next. You need to have a quit & respectful convo. with your husband & he needs to have a convo. with his mommy & let her know to stay out of they’re business in every way. If & when she gets invited over. It’s an invitation as a guest. Don’t mention or touch any decorations in HIS home. MIL can wall paper his EX’s face all over her own house as she pleases but needs to respect his home as NOTHING to do with her & and keep her thoughts, actions & opinions to herself if she really loves him & wants to see him happy. She will have to apologize to his wife as she overstepped her grounds. MIL must be told to bite her tongue to keep the peace or she’ll see a lot less of him in future. Hubby! Grow some for your wife’s sake.
The mother-in-law knew from the beginning this would create problems, hostility, disrespect, and some hatred towards her for framing the ex-wife picture. The ex-wife picture has no place in this lady house. In my opinion, the mother-in-law has proven how insensitive she is, lack respect for her daughter-in-law, irresponsible in her thought process, disrespectful on al levels, selfish, could care less about her daughter-in-law feelings, no integrity towards orher people belongings, lack character/morals, creator of problems, dramatic to the fullest extent, attention seeker, and more than likely dislike the fact her son married this woman and divorce is ex-wife. Mother-in-law needs to be a positive force in her daughter-in-law life, her journey, and her life long decisions she makes and mother-in-law disapprove of. Mother-in-law needs to mind her own business. There are boundaries you just don't cross or over step. Choose your battles wisely and this isn't the one. Think before you act.
MIL wants to run two houses. If the ex is to be hanging around the house he needs to be alone with her not the new wife. MIL needs to get a life. Maybe thats why shes an ex MIL. Son is a whimp for taking her side. She needs to but out. Bet no body can run her house. Wonder why the ex left. She probably did something to her too. I would have thrown her out on her head. She is wicked and controllig.
We have to stop normalizing mother in laws treating their daughter in laws with rudeness and hate. It should not be acceptable.
Typical behavior from the MIL. You were right to get upset. But your husband should have been more supportive. If things got any worse I would have did the banning. The banning I think was a little over the top at first. But I agree you definitely deserve to be upset about what she did. She crossed the line in definitely! Your husband does owe you an apology as well. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
The mil is crazy to think that she can do that type of action and there not be any repercussions. Of course she nows what she is doing, of course she liked the ex better, because like so many other post have said she is controlling. The husband should have his wife's back and see what his mom is doing. I would personally call my mother and ban her myself for disrespecting my wife like that and myself as well. There is a reason that it is the ex and he should be angry also.
I would have ripped that picture off of the wall and smashed it in front of her. Then asked her after I swept up the mess if she would like to be tossed out in the garbage as well. Your son already threw her out, perhaps you should go with her this second time around. I'd also check with a lawyer asap, he didn't have his wife's back, maybe that's why first wife left.
First sign of a toxic relationship(any relationship) the other person not respecting you as a person and overstepping your boundaries or not caring whether you have any and where they might be. This also means you need to respect other people a d their boundaries to begin with,clearly. But yeah,if I learned anything in my life it's this. Everybody deserves respect,but people who have no respect for others or their boundaries,wont care for their own eather. They will think you are weird for keeping a distance and having bounds.
I agree with the people who say that the wife played right into what the MIL wanted, which was to force the son to "choose" between them. I, however, disagree that she should have just let it go instead: obviously the MIL had tried other stuff and was going to keep going until she got lashback. IMO the thing to do is to stop and say "hay, I want to ask you why you are actively undermining your son". See, the son was the one who chose the new relationship, and in some ways chose to get out of the old one even if the Ex took initiative to actually end things. This puts the mom back on defense. She has to explain her (obviously antagonistic) actions instead of just waiting for an emotional reaction. The less emotion projected with this question (and if there is emotion, try for concern over anger) the better. Don't expect a slam dunk. The MIL has made is clear she is happy to use manipulation to "win" and you aren't going to "fix" a narcissist or her enabling son or social group.
There is also the option of "leave now, before it gets worse". Again, no defense will "fix" the situation, so the son either needs to step up or realize this is a deal breaker. I may be a little petty and vindictive, but I would definitely find a way to say "it's probably stuff like this that made her an ex" where the son can definitely hear next time it comes up, if you are past trying to patch things up. Final thought: this is exactly how PoC feel when some statue of a person who was genuinely nasty to PoC won't get taken down "because you can't just erase history". Yup, racial "supremacists" and actual elitists are a lot like narcissists.
Load More Replies... Just to lay this out bluntly. Your MIL is a nasty B***h!! I don't think a complete ban will hold up but you've definitely made you point and she got your point. Upon further examination, you may be surprised to find the real reason why first wife is an ex! I bet ex's feelings quite differ from the MIL's warm-and-fuzzy rendition of their relationship!
My suggestion would to go live somewhere not by your in laws. That away they are to fat away to interfere with your marriage.
OP, MIL, Hubby, okay I agree with what most are saying about boundaries, respect and power plays...but now can we talk about the self-respect and or vindictiveness of the EX wife, who tagged along and took her happy self to another womans house, and allowed her mil to put that picture up??? I'm beginning to get a picture of why she is now an ex.
Had a similar situation with my MIL. As soon as my husband found out she was still 'friends" with his ex he had a fit. He explained to his mother it was disrespectful to me and he would not stand for it. She never mentioned his ex again and we had a beautiful relationship. Your husband needs to stand up to his mother or she will never stop that behavior.
I would ease off the ban but with VERY strict rules and make it clear that she's on probation. For example, she's only allowed over during specific events and only if the husband is there as well. If she has a house key I would ask for it back and if she resists tell her that you will change the locks. When she calls that an over reaction tell her "no, it's setting firm boundaries and I'm informing you there will be consequences if they aren't respected. You have come into my home and done something incredibly hurtful and have been unapologetic. I no longer trust you. Perhaps in the future things can be mended but for the time being this is the way things are."
Move the ex in, have a menage a trois, and hang a picture of all 3 of you together up... that'll show her!
I would have handled it a bit differently. I would have complimented her on the picture wall, but mentioned the one picture I didn't care for. I would have asked for the house key, after all, the job is done. After MIL left, I would remove that picture. On her next (supervised) visit and she objected to the removal of the picture, I would have told her that it was inappropriate on my wall and again thank her for the rest of wall. It's a way of setting boundaries without all the drama of me getting noticeably upset. Where OP is now, restart with boundaries. Apologize for "losing it", picture is gone from the wall (passive tense because it doesn't matter who removed it), Hubby explains to his mummy that he thinks that picture is inappropriate in OPs house. He asks for her key to the house as a condition of the ban being lifted. She will be on supervised visits from now on.
In all honesty, I think they're both nuts. MIL was waaaay out of line, but the woman posting was massively overreacting. The situation could have been handled far better, and in a much calmer fashion.
THAT OLD WITCH WOULD STAY BANNED, AND IF HER SON DIDN'T BACK ME UP, OR LET HER BACK IN WITHOUT MY CONSENT, HE'D BE DIVORCED AGAIN, AND HIS EX-WIFE, AND HIS MOTHER, CAN HELP PAY HIS ALIMONY!
NTA here because what MIL did was disrespectful. My grandmother loves all her DILs, including former ones (would invite one to Xmas dinner for 20+ years after the divorce even) but I would say she was in the wrong if she pulled that photo stunt. MIL doubled down when she was called out which means an apology would just be lip service and wouldn't mean a thing. Husband is in the wrong because he wasn't backing his wife and thinking that she should have to ask permission to ban anyone who was disrespectful to wife in her home which shows that MIL and Husband think of this new place as HIS home and not THEIR home.
MIL is playing chess. She is amping up the game to remove the queen aka wife. So many questions. Why is the ex being invited to family gatherings? Are the events for the husband's and ex's children? MIL maliciously placed that photo on the wall. I wouldn't be surprised if she bought it from her own home. The new wife needs to stand her ground and hubby back her. The mother-in-law is not allowed in the home until she apologizes and begins to respect (she doesn't have to like) the new wife. If husband can't see why the photo isn't a big deal, she should place photos of her ex in every room of the house, including the bedroom and bathroom. She then should pretend that nothing is wrong; and act normal until he realizes how important his wife's feelings are too. She might not win against the invites (The ex is messy too.), but she'll have control of her house back and checkmate MIL.
Just where did this picture come from ?did she bring it from her place? If she wants to look at the pictures then maybe she should just put an album together and leave it at her home so she can look at it and not be disrespectful and put it in the new wife’s face how disgusting is that ! I don’t think she’s over reacting at all being being nice won’t work unfortunately she will make it her mission to split up that marriage I guarantee it . was any of this going on before you got married? If so was it not talked about or was it just brushed under the carpet? I agree with everyone here you really should reconsider everything be strong you’re going to need to be strong he’s not going to change she’s not going to change take care I hope things get better for you.
Where did this picture come from ?? did the mother-in-law bring it to the house? She’s completely disrespectful she knew she was going to get a rise out of her that’s why she did it. she doesn’t approve of the marriage she liked the other daughter-in-law better and what the hell is with inviting her everywhere come on! What kind of person is she ?! I agree with everyone when it comes to the fact that the mother-in-law is not going to get any better she will make it her mission to put a wedge and then destroy that marriage , talking to her like that she has no respect for her at all she definitely feels threatened that the daughter-in-law is taking her place unfortunately that marriage is not going to last, husband‘s not gonna change. Question though did you not see these warning signs before you got married if so was it actually talked about or was it put under the carpet like it it’s not gonna be an issue just wondering
"MIL "adores" my husband's ex...she includes her in events and holidays" Why has there not been conversation about this until now? Makes me wonder the reason the husband and ex got divorced in the first place. Clearly the man has no backbone. If MIL wants relationship with ex she can do that on her own time, but to force that upon the new wife because she supports her weak husband is cruel.
Maybe banning her forever was a bit much but banning her for a month or so will teach her a lesson. I think you need to not react to her efforts to make you mad because low key I think that’s what she wants to make you out as the crazy one. Simply take down the photo and don't react to it. If you don’t react she’ll stop doing it cause it’s not getting to you.
Remove the ban and when she visits you run errands. She's not ready to build a relationship with you right now. Let her keep her true love. She needs to come to you correct.
My MIL is still best friend with my husband's 1st ex-wife. An until recently his 2nd ex-wife also. I am his 3rd wife. I know exactly how this wife feels. My MIL has and does over step our boundaries every day. To the point I bought a doorbell with a camera to see when she comes over when we are not home. She has gone through our home taking what she wants when watching our daughter. She even tried to invite his 1st to our wedding. Then later whispered in my ears that maybe she can make his next wedding (his grandmother had a stoke at the ceremony.)
Is it an x as in bad breakup, or a dead wife? If she died, i can kind of understand wanting to honor her life, but if she's alive... i dunno. Maybe the MIL should go date her?
That marriage has about a year if the husband doesn't start standing up to mommy. A woman not wanting pics of her husband's ex wife on her wall does not signal insecurities.
This was a major breech of boundaries to begin with. Your MIL took it upon herself to decorate the house how she saw fit, and she sees it as an extension of her own. Not only did she make hubby and his ex the focus point but the fact that she put up a display wall of pictures of only him is disturbing. I've been in many houses in my life and pictures are hung of the couples, not a shrine to only one of them. She completely left the OP out of the picture wall and can't seem to accept that this is a chapter in her son's life that is over.
100 💯 Its your home. Not hers. Whether u accept tje ex or not. Theres no kids\none in the photo. & Its between u n ur husband. Ure not psycho craY. Yeah probably the actual reaction idk i wasnt rhere. But thats Your home! Urs! Not ehrs! So no she had zero right & SHE IS OVERREACTING NUTS CAUSING TROUBLES. She can respect yalls relationship or stay the fk away!
A blanket ban is only going to alienate the wife from everyone, especially the husband who is now in a very awkward positions having to choose between his mum and his wife, and outwardly looks like he is a victim of a controlling partner. As with pretty much every issue in relationships, they all need to communicate and set boundaries.
I would have slammed picture on my MIL car if she didn't leave.. I would have made such a big deal that the only solution would have been either my wife support me or divorce.. I have never and would never allow anyone in my relationship or I leave period.. I don't get people who stay in shitty relationship and blame everything else but themselves.. Only cowards and people with no means of taking care of themselves deal with this b******t..
I'd be mostly fine with my partner putting up pictures of his exes. It is part of his life, and if he assures me they're still friends and will never be more than that, it's fine. It just can't be a lot of pictures or of them being affectionate or in a high traffic area. For example, he has a nice picture of himself and his ex and all of their friends at their senior prom. No reason to throw it out just because it features someone he dated for about a month. I get that an ex spouse is different, but the principle is the same. My parents divorced, but they didn't throw out any of my baby photos that they're both in, you know?
I'd say NTA for having the offending picture removed, but YTA if she keeps the ban in place.
Why do you think this is ok? Is that how you would handle this? That mil would continue to disrespect you until she takes her last breath!
Load More Replies... An overreaction of mil bringing picture of husband and ex wedding picture? I understand a permanent ban may not be feasible but for initial reaction, someone else may have actually become physical! Would that scenario be ok if it happened to you?
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