“Might Make Me Attracted To Her”: Husband Doesn’t Want Wife’s BFF In The Delivery Room
It must be uncomfortable to be someone’s best friend and to have their partner dislike you at the same time. Jealousy, miscommunication, and just a clash of personalities are common pitfalls, but what if your friend’s partner thinks you are secretly into them?
A queer woman turned to the internet for advice when she learned that her best friend’s husband wanted to ban her from the delivery room for an absurd reason. As it turns out, he truly believed that OP was playing a long game to seduce his wife and he was having none of it. This quickly diverged into him airing his homophobic laundry and throwing a fit.
A best friend giving birth should be a time of joy and celebration
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
But one queer woman was at a loss when her friend’s homophobic husband banned her from the delivery room
Image credits: Crypto Crow (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DimmistApollo
Image credits: 宇宙无敌 Daddy (not the actual photo)
The core of the issue is the husband’s somewhat hidden homophobia
The husband’s later admission to homophobia shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it’s still telling that he attempted to “spin” his demands first. By saying that he legitimately believed that OP was after his wife, he is attempting to place himself in the position of a victim while hiding the fact that he simply does not like OP for being queer.
While the husband’s friends might not mind his homophobia, the fact that his wife seems unaware should indicate that he at least knows that she wouldn’t approve. This is very likely a dealbreaker, as it’s a downright bigoted belief and he knows his wife’s literal best friend is queer.
The married couple’s views, despite being quite apart, do make sense in the context of the general distribution of homophobia in the population. Studies have shown that people who have more general experience and interactions with queer folk are, on average, less homophobic. However, the husband seems to be particularly comfortable in his bigotry, refusing to even accept his wife’s friend as a friend.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The husband seems to truly see OP as a threat to his relationship
One potential explanation for his disdain for OP and his general homophobia towards her could be a combination of jealousy and insecurity. While the idea that OP is some mastermind schemer, laying in wait for years to “strike” sounds absurd to a mature adult, an insecure person will, naturally, think of themselves as simply worse than any potential “rival.”
This speaks volumes about just how inferior the husband feels, not just towards OP but, presumably, any person his wife is friendly with. Insecurity is a real and relevant problem, one that he should try to address with a specialist. But that requires admitting there is an issue. Similarly, having this sort of issue is no excuse for his behavior which is both controlling and somewhat weird.
After all, OP’s friend is the ultimate judge of who is in the delivery room, not her husband. While shutting him out completely might seem extreme, he should still hear her thoughts before issuing blanket bans. Instead, his jealousy towards OP’s friendship has caused him to be objectively rude.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Insecurity can kill any relationship in the long run
OP does give a few more details about her friend’s relationship which does somewhat raise the question, what exactly does she see in him? He appears to be insecure, jealous, homophobic, and controlling, without even having a job. It would appear that he doesn’t contribute emotionally, nor materially to the relationship.
The reality is that insecurity is like a poison that, ironically, makes the person less and less attractive as a partner, even if they started out as a good match. It starts to seep into all the person’s interactions and assumptions. OP’s story is a good demonstration of that. Hopefully, OP’s friend managed to find something that works in the long run.
People overwhelmingly sided with OP
I've watched a woman who I am very sexually attracted to (my wife) give birth. And I can say confidently that there will be no sexual attraction from either party during the event.
Some men seriously believe that birth is arousing for a woman, and that finally pushing the baby out causes a mind blowing orgasm. These are the same men who believe tampons are pleasurable.
Load More Replies...
People everywhere, let's all be more careful with whom we scramble our DNA together. A.. holes will be a..holes, they don't magically change once the kid is here. Also, how on earth is a "parent" who doesn't provide comfort, care or at least some money doing their part for the family? Better off without them...
Ah yes, giving birth, such a sexy sexy event to watch. Unfortunately, it's too late for her to ditch this guy before procreating with him!
Not too late to ditch the territorial sperm donor. If she wants a proper family for her kid, she could do better on her own, with the the lovely auntie for support. Plus she gives herself a chance to meet a real father for her child.
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If the wife leaves the "husband" it is not because of the BFF but because he is an idiot.
Whow. That „man“ needs to be dumped! For EVERYTHING! The nerve! Not caring for the child despite her working and him not? WTF???? What is he? Living in the middle ages or what? And that other bullcrap? Gosh… I‘m sorry, but that woman is stupid to stay with him. She is doing the worst thing for her kid! Not only staying in a toxic relationship but also for giving her kid a very bad example for how a man should behave and treat his wife! I hope SO much, that she will leave him in the end!
Any guy that feels that he can't take of a baby, especially his baby because he is "man" is loser, weak, and the farthest thing from a "man" you can get. Same is true for showing affection, helping to clean, and all the other BS these little boys use to justify their sitting on their butts. Not being a father, not participating in raising your kids , helping to clean, or helping with the thousand other tasks that go into having a family doesn't make you some version of bad a*s or man. It just shows you are weak and lazy. These dudes are emotional pussies who can't even handle the little things in life. This guy is little boy who needs his mommy to cover his life because he is too soft to handle it himself. She isn't doing her kid any favors by keeping this weakling around. She already has a new baby to take care of. She shouldn't add a second adult baby to the list.
Dear struggling couples: babies do not fix struggling relationships, and it's selfish to try and put such a huge responsibility on an infant who can do LITERALLY NOTHING BUT MAKE THINGS WORSE IN THE BEGINNING.
One of My best friends since first grade is now happily married to a female and they have 2 beautiful boys. She has slept over my house and I at hers many times. She stayed with me for a week after I moved away. I love her and never even think about her sexual orientation, she is a childhood best friend to me and any man who would try to sexualize a friendship like that in any way is a piece of s**t and probably is the one fantasizing about it. It's not even thought about otherwise! Why would you be thinking about that around your child's birth? No one else is! Ugh!
I remember seeing this on Reddit when it was posted over a year ago and was disgusted at the husband. The update, which I hadn't seen until today, has only enhanced my disgust at the husband. I'm glad OOP is there for her friend and hope her friend drops the husband asap and realises that parents being together is not always in the best interests of the child.
My wife had a c-section and they brought me in late... on the wrong side of the curtain. A man's fingers were inside her abdomen. That was kinda horrifying and my sex drive hasn't really been the same since. I understand watching a vaginal birth can similarly traumatic to some. So, how can you possibly think that is an arousing situation?
You should try to do something about your sex drive. That isn't very fair to your wife.
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When I saw the [genuine] birth scene in Catherine Breillat’s movie “Romance,” I fainted dead away. All I can remember is gray sludge coursing out of the catbag. (Pleeease don’t tell me what the hell thatwas! I DON’TWANNA KNOW. The less I hafta think about it, the better off I’ll be!) Stupid Husband apparently thinks that if BFF is all turned on, then his wife will dump him immediately to get some. I wonder what makes him think that? I suspect that deep down, he knows he’s a c**p husband. If he’s insecure in their relationship, then staying together “for the baby’s sake” ain’t a great long-term plan!
This is one of those reddit posts that just doesn't ring true. It's ragebait.
Another reason that i hope Good Guys™️ will, indeed, finish last.
If my husband were giving birth (impossible, I know), and he invited his best buddy to be in the room with us during the delivery, I might be upset... even if I liked him... some experiences are nice for a couple to experience on their own. I would never invite a friend to join us without consulting with my partner first. It's inconsiderate. Of course, this story contains homophobia, which is terrible... but still. I think the parents should agree in advance on who will be allowed in the room.
nancy - How do you know she didn't ask, but he said no? We know that he's a douche and so probably does she. She knows that he'll be no support during the birth and needs someone there on her side. She's the one going through this incredibly stressful experience and should be able to pick her support people.
Load More Replies...
That does not matter. The expecting mother asked her to come. It is her say and her say alone, since she is the one giving birth.
Load More Replies...
I've watched a woman who I am very sexually attracted to (my wife) give birth. And I can say confidently that there will be no sexual attraction from either party during the event.
Some men seriously believe that birth is arousing for a woman, and that finally pushing the baby out causes a mind blowing orgasm. These are the same men who believe tampons are pleasurable.
Load More Replies... People everywhere, let's all be more careful with whom we scramble our DNA together. A.. holes will be a..holes, they don't magically change once the kid is here. Also, how on earth is a "parent" who doesn't provide comfort, care or at least some money doing their part for the family? Better off without them...
Ah yes, giving birth, such a sexy sexy event to watch. Unfortunately, it's too late for her to ditch this guy before procreating with him!
Not too late to ditch the territorial sperm donor. If she wants a proper family for her kid, she could do better on her own, with the the lovely auntie for support. Plus she gives herself a chance to meet a real father for her child.
Load More Replies... If the wife leaves the "husband" it is not because of the BFF but because he is an idiot.
Whow. That „man“ needs to be dumped! For EVERYTHING! The nerve! Not caring for the child despite her working and him not? WTF???? What is he? Living in the middle ages or what? And that other bullcrap? Gosh… I‘m sorry, but that woman is stupid to stay with him. She is doing the worst thing for her kid! Not only staying in a toxic relationship but also for giving her kid a very bad example for how a man should behave and treat his wife! I hope SO much, that she will leave him in the end!
Any guy that feels that he can't take of a baby, especially his baby because he is "man" is loser, weak, and the farthest thing from a "man" you can get. Same is true for showing affection, helping to clean, and all the other BS these little boys use to justify their sitting on their butts. Not being a father, not participating in raising your kids , helping to clean, or helping with the thousand other tasks that go into having a family doesn't make you some version of bad a*s or man. It just shows you are weak and lazy. These dudes are emotional pussies who can't even handle the little things in life. This guy is little boy who needs his mommy to cover his life because he is too soft to handle it himself. She isn't doing her kid any favors by keeping this weakling around. She already has a new baby to take care of. She shouldn't add a second adult baby to the list.
Dear struggling couples: babies do not fix struggling relationships, and it's selfish to try and put such a huge responsibility on an infant who can do LITERALLY NOTHING BUT MAKE THINGS WORSE IN THE BEGINNING.
One of My best friends since first grade is now happily married to a female and they have 2 beautiful boys. She has slept over my house and I at hers many times. She stayed with me for a week after I moved away. I love her and never even think about her sexual orientation, she is a childhood best friend to me and any man who would try to sexualize a friendship like that in any way is a piece of s**t and probably is the one fantasizing about it. It's not even thought about otherwise! Why would you be thinking about that around your child's birth? No one else is! Ugh!
I remember seeing this on Reddit when it was posted over a year ago and was disgusted at the husband. The update, which I hadn't seen until today, has only enhanced my disgust at the husband. I'm glad OOP is there for her friend and hope her friend drops the husband asap and realises that parents being together is not always in the best interests of the child.
My wife had a c-section and they brought me in late... on the wrong side of the curtain. A man's fingers were inside her abdomen. That was kinda horrifying and my sex drive hasn't really been the same since. I understand watching a vaginal birth can similarly traumatic to some. So, how can you possibly think that is an arousing situation?
You should try to do something about your sex drive. That isn't very fair to your wife.
Load More Replies... When I saw the [genuine] birth scene in Catherine Breillat’s movie “Romance,” I fainted dead away. All I can remember is gray sludge coursing out of the catbag. (Pleeease don’t tell me what the hell thatwas! I DON’TWANNA KNOW. The less I hafta think about it, the better off I’ll be!) Stupid Husband apparently thinks that if BFF is all turned on, then his wife will dump him immediately to get some. I wonder what makes him think that? I suspect that deep down, he knows he’s a c**p husband. If he’s insecure in their relationship, then staying together “for the baby’s sake” ain’t a great long-term plan!
This is one of those reddit posts that just doesn't ring true. It's ragebait.
Another reason that i hope Good Guys™️ will, indeed, finish last.
If my husband were giving birth (impossible, I know), and he invited his best buddy to be in the room with us during the delivery, I might be upset... even if I liked him... some experiences are nice for a couple to experience on their own. I would never invite a friend to join us without consulting with my partner first. It's inconsiderate. Of course, this story contains homophobia, which is terrible... but still. I think the parents should agree in advance on who will be allowed in the room.
nancy - How do you know she didn't ask, but he said no? We know that he's a douche and so probably does she. She knows that he'll be no support during the birth and needs someone there on her side. She's the one going through this incredibly stressful experience and should be able to pick her support people.
Load More Replies... That does not matter. The expecting mother asked her to come. It is her say and her say alone, since she is the one giving birth.
Load More Replies...
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