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Lazy Guy Thinks It’s OK To Ditch Post-Surgery Wife To Hang Out With His Friends, Gets Reality Check
Getting married isn’t something to be taken lightly, and once you are, you’re expected to follow through on your wedding vows, like “in sickness and in health.” Turning your back on the promises you made on your big day is the ultimate form of flaking out.
One woman has turned to an online community to vent after her friend’s slacker husband tried weaseling his way out of caring for his wife post-surgery and roping her in to do it instead. Fuming, she asked netizens if she should tell her friend about it.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Marriage vows are meant to mean something, but not all spouses follow through on their promises
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One woman’s friend was about to have surgery that would leave her out of action for about 8 weeks afterward
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman was concerned that her friend’s notoriously lazy husband wouldn’t be up to the task, and it didn’t take long before her worst fears were confirmed
Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The husband shamelessly asked the woman if she would take care of his wife on the very first day after her surgery, all so that he could hang out with his friends
Image credits: Dazzling-Brush-9005
Image credits: Nini FromParis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman point-blank refused, then turned to an online community to ask netizens whether or not she should tell her friend about the husband’s ridiculous request
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In an update to her original post, the woman said the hopeless husband had told his wife he’d asked her to “babysit” her, and it didn’t go down well
Image credits: undrey / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman told her friend she would be there for her if she needed, but she wasn’t about to drop everything to help the lazy husband slack off
Image credits: Dazzling-Brush-9005
In yet another update, the woman said her friend’s surgery had gone well and that, for the time being at least, the husband had actually stepped up to the plate
When the original poster (OP) found out her best friend was about to have major surgery, she promised to be there every step of the way. But she wasn’t so sure about her friend’s husband, a guy who preferred “comfort and fun” over responsibility and consideration for other people. Her gut told her he’d fail the moment things got difficult.
Sure enough, before the surgery even happened, the husband asked if she could “cover” for him the very next day. Why? So he could hang out with friends. Furious, OP refused. She didn’t want to enable him or let him dodge his duty. It was day one of recovery, after all.
But before she could even decide whether to tell her friend, he told on himself. The husband admitted he’d asked her to “babysit” his recovering wife. Shocked and hurt, the woman confronted him, only for him to shrug it off. Her disappointment was clear: he really just didn’t get it.
Thankfully, the surgery went well, and at first, things seemed promising. The usually hopeless husband was attentive, supportive, even “holding strong.” But it didn’t last. By Sunday night, his “care” was slipping again. He was working from home but was already trying to sneak out of responsibilities like it was a chore.
Now, everyone’s watching to see whether he’ll step up or check out. For his wife, her recovery isn’t just about healing physically; it’s about realizing who’s really in her corner when things get hard. OP says she’s talked about leaving the extremely imbalanced relationship before, but she doubts it’ll ever happen.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
From what OP tells us, her friend appears to be stuck in a marriage that’s extremely one-sided. The fact that her husband is so quick to forget his marriage vows is, how should we put it, worrying, to say the least. But just what do you do with a husband that’s epically lazy? We went looking for answers.
The folks over at MarriageHelper say that most of the time, when people appear to be lazy, it’s likely because there’s something deeper going on—things like depression, pain, anger, physical issues, and even trauma. But being yelled at makes it worse. It’s up to you, as their spouse, to be the voice of hope and encouragement.
Marriage.com offers some amazing tips and tricks to help you cope with a husband who’s not exactly pulling his weight. A few of the most useful include having an open and honest conversation about how his laziness affects you and the household, setting clear expectations, using positive reinforcement, and involving him in decision-making.
While OP’s friend can try these lazy hubby hacks, perhaps it could also be a good idea to remind him of his original commitments to her. The pros at Brides.com say that whether you’ve been married for a year, a decade, or half a century, a vow renewal can be a stunning way to honor the bond you and your spouse share.
Often, couples choose to renew their vows after overcoming an obstacle that challenged the relationship, like an illness or personal hurdle, or when they’re in a financial position to throw the party they couldn’t afford to in the past. Whatever the reason, perhaps it’ll snap OP’s friend’s husband out of his stupor and get his head back in the game.
What do you think? Is OP’s friend’s hubby a lost cause, or is there hope for him yet? Share your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers slammed the hopeless husband for being such a jerk, and some even called him a shrug in human form
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What do you think ?
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
Marriage can be tough, and I understand why some people shun it, but one great thing about it is that there is someone you can depend on to help get through difficulties. If your spouse can't step up in difficult times, what's the point of being married? She's going to have to do some decision making when she recovers. This guy is such a loser.
Ellinor she/they/elle 1 month ago
A lot of people seem to forget the "in sickness" part of the vows.
Load More Replies...
sturmwesen 1 month ago
Gotta say I love the OP. clear communication, helpfull concerning their friend and not bending to her husbands b******t
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
He needs to be asked what his expectations would be if it was him that had the surgery. Let him think about it, and then tell him that you would just bounce because he would be sleeping, right? This is a marriage of convenience for him.
Dusty's mom 1 month ago
I had an extremely painful surgery the last of August. My husband has been my shield, nurse, shoulder to lean on, cook, cleaner, and #1. It's been far more painful than expected and he never wavered, even now, two months later. That BOY needs to grow up NOW! I am married to a REAL MAN. Manchild needs to step up. And yes, I thank, laud, and praise my husband every day because he DESERVES it! He set the bar high, and I hope to do the same for him if he ever needs it.
Tyke 1 month ago
Give a few years and there'll be a post about OP doing all the childcare and her husband being useless
LilliVB 1 month ago
And in another few years, if god forbid she'll get cancer or another horrible debilitating illness, she'll be served divorce papers.
Load More Replies...
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
Women this dumb amaze me. He's a narcissist and he'll never get better. She's just fooling herself. He's essentially worthless.
Phred 1 month ago
What a cad. I understand caregiver fatigue--when my wife had a hip replacement she needed a LOT of care. When she had to get up during the night I had to unhook her from the cooling device, make sure she got to the bathroom safely (10 feet), and then hook up the cooling tubes again. She couldn't get out of bed so I handled all the household tasks, brought her meals, etc. (All right, I didn't do much vacuuming, and the dogs were with a sitter, but I spent most of the days making sure she was ok...) After a week, I was exhausted. But she's my wife, and marriage comes with obligations. She'd do the same for me. We didn't say "for better or for worse" at our wedding, but we both knew that it was.
Tabitha 1 month ago
NEVER marry someone thinking they’ll change their bad habits and behaviors. The odds say that they will NOT, and you will be miserable. Marry someone for who they ARE right now. If they’re still acceptable to you as they really are, then go ahead. If not, then do NOT chain yourself to someone who will always disappoint you. Sometimes yes, some people might have an epiphany and turn their s**t around, but don’t bank on it. Most a******s go to their graves thinking they were the best people ever, and it was everyone else who was the a*****e.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
So glad I’ve decided to stay on my own now , cos dam I don’t we tap end up with a pos like that man !! Had enough of them in my life already , , in his case , I’d blame the parents , he’s likely a right spoiled little brat ,who's parents taught him f all about living in the real world as an adult !! ,which is our job, ,jeez my son n daughter back in 2020 n were in college and working to ,expertly navigated at ages 16 lad 19 lass ,she was working full time then , me being in hospital for a week with a badly broken leg in two places , needing a. 9 hour surgery,n being 35 miles away in the sept so no lockdown ,and for 6 weeks once I got home , I was basically stuck upstairs, as I couldn’t get up or down ,to go to the loo , so bed bound it was , the handled it perfectly !! cos I’d taught them how !! I want n update on this lol
Jean Jacket 1 month ago
What kind of random bullshite survey was that BP? A renewal ceremony wasn't even part of this story. A more appropriate one would be "Should the friend have even married such a useless, man-child, loser? 100% No-She can do better and can still get out - run girl!
R Dennis 1 month ago
My wife and I have had different health issues where we had to clean up after each other and even bathe the other person. Being there was never even a question. I walked out on a job once (before we were married) when she called me on her way to have an emergency appendectomy. My job told me that if I left I was fired - I immediately handed my boss my apron, said "I guess I don't work here anymore.", and walked out. Between the hospital and taking care of her three kids (divorced single mom), I didn't sleep for 48 hours.You do what needs to be done.
katiekat0214 1 month ago
I agree with KatSaidWhat, about asking him what his expectations would be. However, it makes me wonder if he even has any critical thinking skills in the first place, and even if he can think critically, he's selfish, self-absorbed, immature, unkind, unempathetic, and has apparently been allowed to be like that his whole life. That seems to be his true character, and after your 20s, people really don't change unless they really want to, or they get a big scare. She married a lazy loser. Sorry for him, even sorrier for her.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
Marriage can be tough, and I understand why some people shun it, but one great thing about it is that there is someone you can depend on to help get through difficulties. If your spouse can't step up in difficult times, what's the point of being married? She's going to have to do some decision making when she recovers. This guy is such a loser.
Ellinor she/they/elle 1 month ago
A lot of people seem to forget the "in sickness" part of the vows.
Load More Replies... sturmwesen 1 month ago
Gotta say I love the OP. clear communication, helpfull concerning their friend and not bending to her husbands b******t
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
He needs to be asked what his expectations would be if it was him that had the surgery. Let him think about it, and then tell him that you would just bounce because he would be sleeping, right? This is a marriage of convenience for him.
Dusty's mom 1 month ago
I had an extremely painful surgery the last of August. My husband has been my shield, nurse, shoulder to lean on, cook, cleaner, and #1. It's been far more painful than expected and he never wavered, even now, two months later. That BOY needs to grow up NOW! I am married to a REAL MAN. Manchild needs to step up. And yes, I thank, laud, and praise my husband every day because he DESERVES it! He set the bar high, and I hope to do the same for him if he ever needs it.
Tyke 1 month ago
Give a few years and there'll be a post about OP doing all the childcare and her husband being useless
LilliVB 1 month ago
And in another few years, if god forbid she'll get cancer or another horrible debilitating illness, she'll be served divorce papers.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 1 month ago
Women this dumb amaze me. He's a narcissist and he'll never get better. She's just fooling herself. He's essentially worthless.
Phred 1 month ago
What a cad. I understand caregiver fatigue--when my wife had a hip replacement she needed a LOT of care. When she had to get up during the night I had to unhook her from the cooling device, make sure she got to the bathroom safely (10 feet), and then hook up the cooling tubes again. She couldn't get out of bed so I handled all the household tasks, brought her meals, etc. (All right, I didn't do much vacuuming, and the dogs were with a sitter, but I spent most of the days making sure she was ok...) After a week, I was exhausted. But she's my wife, and marriage comes with obligations. She'd do the same for me. We didn't say "for better or for worse" at our wedding, but we both knew that it was.
Tabitha 1 month ago
NEVER marry someone thinking they’ll change their bad habits and behaviors. The odds say that they will NOT, and you will be miserable. Marry someone for who they ARE right now. If they’re still acceptable to you as they really are, then go ahead. If not, then do NOT chain yourself to someone who will always disappoint you. Sometimes yes, some people might have an epiphany and turn their s**t around, but don’t bank on it. Most a******s go to their graves thinking they were the best people ever, and it was everyone else who was the a*****e.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
So glad I’ve decided to stay on my own now , cos dam I don’t we tap end up with a pos like that man !! Had enough of them in my life already , , in his case , I’d blame the parents , he’s likely a right spoiled little brat ,who's parents taught him f all about living in the real world as an adult !! ,which is our job, ,jeez my son n daughter back in 2020 n were in college and working to ,expertly navigated at ages 16 lad 19 lass ,she was working full time then , me being in hospital for a week with a badly broken leg in two places , needing a. 9 hour surgery,n being 35 miles away in the sept so no lockdown ,and for 6 weeks once I got home , I was basically stuck upstairs, as I couldn’t get up or down ,to go to the loo , so bed bound it was , the handled it perfectly !! cos I’d taught them how !! I want n update on this lol
Jean Jacket 1 month ago
What kind of random bullshite survey was that BP? A renewal ceremony wasn't even part of this story. A more appropriate one would be "Should the friend have even married such a useless, man-child, loser? 100% No-She can do better and can still get out - run girl!
R Dennis 1 month ago
My wife and I have had different health issues where we had to clean up after each other and even bathe the other person. Being there was never even a question. I walked out on a job once (before we were married) when she called me on her way to have an emergency appendectomy. My job told me that if I left I was fired - I immediately handed my boss my apron, said "I guess I don't work here anymore.", and walked out. Between the hospital and taking care of her three kids (divorced single mom), I didn't sleep for 48 hours.You do what needs to be done.
katiekat0214 1 month ago
I agree with KatSaidWhat, about asking him what his expectations would be. However, it makes me wonder if he even has any critical thinking skills in the first place, and even if he can think critically, he's selfish, self-absorbed, immature, unkind, unempathetic, and has apparently been allowed to be like that his whole life. That seems to be his true character, and after your 20s, people really don't change unless they really want to, or they get a big scare. She married a lazy loser. Sorry for him, even sorrier for her.
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