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Mom Is Disappointed Her Baby Daughter Looks More Like Her Husband Than Her, Keeps Bashing Her Looks Until Husband Finally Snaps
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all—a phrase most of us have heard before. Mostly because hurtful comments do more harm than good, especially coming from a parent.
Redditor u/Pizza-lover-13 opened up to the AITA community about his wife criticizing their daughter’s looks. He revealed she’s had difficulties before and after the pregnancy, which might have had something to do with the comments. However, he couldn’t take it any longer and eventually snapped at her.
RELATED:
Criticizing your child can negatively affect not only them, but other members of the family as well
Image credits: Aditya Romansa (not the actual photo)
Man opens up about his wife making rude comments about their three-week-old daughter’s looks
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image source: Pizza-lover-13
One in seven mothers can develop postpartum depression, which affects not only the mom herself but the entire family as well
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
The OP revealed that his wife has been suffering from an anxiety disorder and depression, as well as postpartum depression (PPD), which might have influenced her actions and the way she views her baby. It is believed that one in seven mothers can develop PPD, which strongly affects their relationship with the child.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, postpartum depression usually entails extreme sadness, indifference and/or anxiety, changes in energy, sleep, and appetite. It is a mentally and physically debilitating state that can last for months or years if unattended to. However, it can be treated with help from professionals.
Unfortunately, by affecting the mom, PPD can influence the well-being of the entire family. In the OP’s situation, the critique about the baby’s features she got from her father was likely not only painful for the dad to hear, but damaging for the son as well. It might lead to developing a derogatory view towards body image or certain features. The mother’s words can also influence the opinion he’s forming on his baby sister.
In Psychology Today, the clinical psychologist Seth J. Gillihan pointed out that highly critical parents can become the cause of a strained relationship between kids. He also emphasized that because of them, children might have a hard time trusting themselves, or be reluctant to take a compliment or believe that someone likes them. Criticizing their appearance can make them self-conscious about it.
No one is immune to body shaming, so it’s important to be aware how your views on it can affect your child
Image credits: Thgusstavo Santana (not the actual photo)
Sadly, more than half of adults have received negative comments about their looks. And even though no one is immune to such unpleasant remarks, young girls seem to be affected even more, as statistics reveal 94% of them have experienced body shame (versus 64% of their male counterparts).
A redditor shared in the comments how her body-shaming remarks directed at herself affected her young offspring. When she heard her three-year-old daughter wondering if she’s fat, she realized that such an example is the wrong one to set for your kid. Parents have a strong impact on their children, whether it’s actions that they are likely to copy or words that they might take to heart.
Another community member opened up about how in a nearly identical situation to the one in u/Pizza-lover-13’s story, her mother’s comments about her looks made her feel worthless. The father was always there by her side, though, to assure her she was beautiful, which made a world of difference. Luckily for the OP’s daughter, she’s perfect in his eyes and he isn’t going to let anyone tell her otherwise.
People shared their thoughts and experiences in the comments, they believed the OP was not a jerk in the situation
What do you think ?
xolitaire 2 years ago
As someone with clinical depression let me tell you this: You are NTA. You did exactly the right thing: you barged into her downward spiral and forced her to face her behavior. During depression your perception of the world around you is disturbed and your brain gets stuck on the weirdest things, overthinking them to the point of obsession. The end result is always the same: the worst possible scenario. That's why your wife is so worried about your kid's looks. She really needs help - and if you can, get her mind off of the baby exclusively.
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
I don't understand how they could recognize any features in a 3w old baby. All newborns look identical, they all are ugly.
Lady Miss Pie 2 years ago
I was the “ugly” child. It was drilled into my head every day of my life. It messed me up. I grew into my looks but I still carry it with me. This mom needs professional help and I am hoping this poor little baby will grow up knowing she is beautiful and loved. She will likely be closer to her father.
Lizzie Lola 2 years ago
I have 2 boys, my older one looked like his father's mother at birth, my second looked EXACTLY like my husband as a baby. My older one now looks more like me, but my younger one still looks like his dad. All this to say, my children are beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful boys and Iove them regardless of which side they look like.
John Anderson 2 years ago
You need to do the "debriefing" with your wife now. You need couples counseling so she can stop degrading the daughter, you and your family. It's only going to get worse if she doesn't get help because she thinks she's better (more attractive) than you or your family. And that your son is old enough to understand (maybe not conprehend) what's she's saying is just vile.
Mandira Basu 2 years ago
At least the dad was on her side. My mom always talked about how I look like my dad, how my eyes were big and not like her... how i was not good to look at.. sadly this continued so much to a point that I hated myself, had the lowest self esteem and was a loner all my life thinking well people dont like me coz i am not great to look at..
DarkViolet 2 years ago
NTA. OP was exactly correct in shutting that negative sh!t down immediately. A child can pick up on negativity IN THE WOMB. As far as the little girl's looks are concerned, she didn't choose 'em, and she can't lose 'em. Her mother seriously needs help. OP should give her a choice: get therapy, or get out. He should also be ready to have his children placed solely in his custody, as his wife may try to take them. There is no justification for having any child start out in life with an inferiority complex, courtesy of a self-centered adult.
xolitaire 2 years ago
As someone with clinical depression let me tell you this: You are NTA. You did exactly the right thing: you barged into her downward spiral and forced her to face her behavior. During depression your perception of the world around you is disturbed and your brain gets stuck on the weirdest things, overthinking them to the point of obsession. The end result is always the same: the worst possible scenario. That's why your wife is so worried about your kid's looks. She really needs help - and if you can, get her mind off of the baby exclusively.
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
I don't understand how they could recognize any features in a 3w old baby. All newborns look identical, they all are ugly.
Lady Miss Pie 2 years ago
I was the “ugly” child. It was drilled into my head every day of my life. It messed me up. I grew into my looks but I still carry it with me. This mom needs professional help and I am hoping this poor little baby will grow up knowing she is beautiful and loved. She will likely be closer to her father.
Lizzie Lola 2 years ago
I have 2 boys, my older one looked like his father's mother at birth, my second looked EXACTLY like my husband as a baby. My older one now looks more like me, but my younger one still looks like his dad. All this to say, my children are beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful boys and Iove them regardless of which side they look like.
John Anderson 2 years ago
You need to do the "debriefing" with your wife now. You need couples counseling so she can stop degrading the daughter, you and your family. It's only going to get worse if she doesn't get help because she thinks she's better (more attractive) than you or your family. And that your son is old enough to understand (maybe not conprehend) what's she's saying is just vile.
Mandira Basu 2 years ago
At least the dad was on her side. My mom always talked about how I look like my dad, how my eyes were big and not like her... how i was not good to look at.. sadly this continued so much to a point that I hated myself, had the lowest self esteem and was a loner all my life thinking well people dont like me coz i am not great to look at..
DarkViolet 2 years ago
NTA. OP was exactly correct in shutting that negative sh!t down immediately. A child can pick up on negativity IN THE WOMB. As far as the little girl's looks are concerned, she didn't choose 'em, and she can't lose 'em. Her mother seriously needs help. OP should give her a choice: get therapy, or get out. He should also be ready to have his children placed solely in his custody, as his wife may try to take them. There is no justification for having any child start out in life with an inferiority complex, courtesy of a self-centered adult.
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