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The title is pretty self-explanatory. I would like to know your thoughts on what guys should do in public to help girls feel safer.
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#1
If a woman comes up to you and requests your assistance, do it! Play along with what she needs, because there's probably a reason she asked.
Final score:
36points
jolie laide 2 years ago
Yups, I recommend this. Ad lib, actor on a dime, please just follow our lead in situations like this. We don't necessarily need you to be our knight in shining armor (aka getting into a confrontation, fist fights, etc.) - instead, we need to be seen as being "with" someone, aka we're not alone. Someone to give off that impression, watch our back while we search around for friends we might've came with/met up with, to talk to the bartender/bouncer about the issue, to call a ride, the cops, etc. It's really hard to do these things when a creep is stuck to you like velcro. It's even MORE serious if the creep takes your phone in a cheeky "keep away" game. If that's the case, we might need to lean on you even harder for help while we flag the bartender/bouncer down, or ask you to call the cops for us.
Linda Riebel 2 years ago
Cute web name. I think it was invented to describe Jean Paul Belmondo.
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RELATED:
#2
please do not feel offended if i cross the street, i can't barely see at night and a cute grandma is enough to make me wary, so i'll try to keep as much distance as i can
Final score:
29points
David Marchisotto 2 years ago
I lived in NYC for 30 years and I can't tell you the number of times I would go down a different block if I saw a woman walking alone at night...the last thing she needed was me "following" her. Too creepy.
jolie laide 2 years ago
Same. I don't care if it's day or night, if it's an 88 year old with a walker or a group of teen girls or a single man, etc. I'm aware of you, I see you, and I'll cross if I need to.
#3
Leave us alone.
Final score:
27points
Tiramisu 🇵🇸 2 years ago
So, can I ask how I should approach a woman who looks anxious or looks like she needs help? How should my approach be different if she just looks anxious in general vs. if the presence of another man is making her feel anxious?
Everest the bookworm 2 years ago
quietly ask her if she needs help and or offer assistance KINDLY ask to make sure you don't have an overbearing body langue BODY LANGUE IS EVERYTHING
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Doodles1983 2 years ago
I disagree. A blanket statement like that will make a majority of men afraid to approach us at all and that’s unnecessary and sad. And could lead to population wipe out.
jolie laide 2 years ago
I agree with you. If a woman isn't at work, if she's out in public in a bar, club, shopping, etc. men should absolutely not be afraid to approach, but his approach is everything. If we (I'm a female too) say no, no thanks, etc. then he should back off. Don't hover, don't stare, don't stalk, etc. It's simple, really, and a total ban is ridiculous.
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Lana Lana Banana 2 years ago
(This is my first time posting on one of these things.... Thought this was how I submitted my answer but it's not so that's why I deleted the comment. Resubmitted it as an answer below. Lol)
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#4
these work for anybody but: - don't stare. it makes people scared. idk y but everyone always stares at me - never, ever, touch anyone before knowing them well enough. applies to dogs as well as humans. - try not to comment on someones physical appearance/body - know how to have a conversation. its valuable when meeting anyone anywhere. - never be violent/angry. that should be given, as it puts anyone in an uncomfortable position if they're just meeting you. also it jus be so stressful - smile, not like a scary clown, just be pleasant - be responsible - look nice, be nice, smell nice, self care stuff - be honest... - cultivate manners. u don't have to be proper but use a napkin at least - don't be a flirt jus for fun or toy with anyone, its just mean >:/ - and finally know when a girl says no, it means no, and u need to let it go, need to let it go, nah to the ah to the no no no
Final score:
22points
Pineapple (he/him) 2 years ago
for the touch part is it okay if its forced (so there isnt enough room and you have to touch) while not like really knowing the person?
freakingbee is going offline 2 years ago
i would say yes just maybe apologize if you have to
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Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Catcalling is not a compliment, it's gross and frightening. If you want to give a woman a compliment, comment on something she chose (for example, "I like your sweater") and NOT her body.
jolie laide 2 years ago
This is a bit of a mixed bag for me. I agree with most things here, but compliments? I see nothing wrong with someone telling me I look nice, beautiful, etc. Just don't be crude. Don't say things like, "Your tits looks great in that top!" or "Your legs go up and make a complete a*s of themselves!" Bad pick up lines/compliments like these, no thanks. As for the staring.. this is hit or miss. Because if I catch you staring a couple times, I've just logged you in my "to be watched closely" list. Whether you're a good guy or not, I'd rather notice who is paying obvious attention to me. The really scary part? Some people are so good, you'll never catch them at anything until it's too late.
melanochrysum (Submission author) 2 years ago
that's what I meant about the commenting on someone's body and the staring. but sometimes compliments about the body can be damaging to a person, even well meaning like "you look like you lost weight" and you thought your were fine before yk. but compliments of other kinds are usually ok :D
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Gambit22 2 years ago
1.) Agree 2.) I guess so, but the same could be applied vice versa 3.) I have to disagree, unless it's in a creepy way. I would personally love if I ever got complimented ;-; 4.) agree 5.) It depends. Violent? Definitely. Angry? Probably not as emotions need to be expressed and anger is just a part of life (unless it turns into violence) 6.) agree, but you should be more lenient because some people (like me) naturally have a murderous smile 7.) agree 8.) agree 9.) agree, unless it's personal (I have some secrets I've never told anyone) the rest I agree with
melanochrysum (Submission author) 2 years ago
i didn't mean compliments specifically, i meant more general "comments" type stuff like what jolie said and i meant angry behavior that turns into violence. emotions are real and do need to be expressed but in a mature acceptable manner.
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LillieMean 2 years ago
Don't stare! I would have added this to this post as well. Isn't that part of good manners? It's really uncomfortable and makes me feel scared. I know I'm in a public place, but don't point your phone at me like you're taking pictures of me.
Solange R Olson 2 years ago
I had a man do the first 3 things to me in a Wal-Mart. He was an associate who had answered a question for me and I was walking away from. He walked up behind me, rubbed the back of my bald head (I am a woman with alopecia and don't wear a wig) and just started talking to me. I had a visceral reaction to it and told him to get away from me. He tried to justify it by telling me his son had cancer. I had to tell him several times to get away from me. I reported him to the manager and as I was about to leave the store, I pointed him out so she knew who I was talking about and he turned to me and held out his hand and tried to say something that started with "Hey I was..." and I told him I did not want to hear anything he had to say. He never once tried to apologize. It had never even occurred to him that he had crossed a line. I was still feeling triggered the next day.
Sean 2 years ago
the flirting just for fun happened to me multiple times, just girls in my class pretending to like me just to tell me they lost a bet or were just bored.. because of that s**t i was never in a relationship because of my trust issues... i also just want to work on myself before i burden someone i love
#5
don't seem creepy and dont follow us. if we come up to u and pretend to know u, play along cuz it means we r in danger.
Final score:
21points
TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago (edited)
The "Don't follow us" part is quite tricky if people have to go into the same direction. Sometimes I'm worried to look like a creep for walking behind somebody on the way to my destination
shanila.pheonix_ (Submission author) 2 years ago
yeah ig i didnt expand on that. just idk, walk at a distance, mind your own buisness. as a girl, i would be fine if a guy was walking behind me from a distance, tho at night i might be more paranoid.
Load More Replies... #6
The major problem is the law. If a woman is a victim of violent assault, especially sexual assault, it's up to her to prove she said no. It's a big ask. Knife across throat - she didn't say no. If no proof of knife is available she can't defend herself in court. Please campaign to change law regarding sexual violence that destroys lives. And allows killers to walk. And children to be lost to the care system. That's what you can do. And you'll be doing it for yourself too. No-one wants to see all men as rapists. Make those people obvious, and we can all walk at night.
Final score:
18points
Kevin the Manager 2 years ago
Well said, indeed! The systemic side of this issue is full of "victim blaming." YUCK!
DC 2 years ago (edited)
Wait a minute. The burden of proof always is worded in some way along "Unless proven guilty, everybody is innocent", and getting rid of this principle wouldn't just make it more comfortable to get actual predators behind bars, but it would eff up any legal system whatsoever. It's sad that some truly evil things are hard to prove, but having to prove innocence, especially if you are truly innocent, turns this around into something that is nearly impossible to apply successfully. If it's already hard to prove somebody's guilty, how much harder is it to prove innocence in a similar incident? As nice it would be to apply this only on predators - once we know sure enough they are predators, the exchange of burden of proof wouldn't do any anymore. There's room for progress without this sacrifice.
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
Yes. This means, please email your state representatives. Talk about this topic amoung your friends. Etc.
#7
Respect boundaries. If she says no, she means no. If you sit by her, and she scoots away, get up and sit somewhere else. If she keeps nodding and saying "uh huh," she's done talking to you. If she's not responding to flirting, leave her the scud alone. If we want something, need protection, or are trying to flirt, we will let you know.
Final score:
15points
Gambit22 2 years ago
I say that the 2nd one depends. He shouldn't have to move just because she doesn't want to sit by him, that's hurtful. If he's actively trying to flirt with her then she could tell him to leave or she could move.
Lil Miss Hobbit (Submission author) 2 years ago
True. I am just meaning that close proximity can be super uncomfortable and feel dangerous, so respect the signs that you are not wanted.
Load More Replies... #8
If you see something, say something. If you see another guy being a creep, making misogynistic jokes, or harassing/catcalling, call them out.
Final score:
15points
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
THIS. Men who do these things clearly don't give a s**t what women say, but they're much more likely to reconsider if it's another man calling them out.
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
I was scrolling down, hoping to see this. This just does not happen enough. But it is a crucial part of being a good person. Whenever you are around other men or boys who are saying 5hitty things about any female, you need to step up and call them out on it. Just disagree. Tell them it's not cool. Tell them it's not true. Tell them that talk like that is why women don't want to be around them........In Judaism we have a saying: Where there is no Man, be a Man.
#9
If you're trying to flirt with a woman and she says she's not interested... she's not interested. That's it. She's not gay (well, she could be! But that's not the point I'm trying to make), she's not a b!tch, she's not a wh0re AND it's not a judgement that you're a bad guy. She may just want to be out with her friends that night, or wants to pick up some milk at the store and not be hit on. You have no idea what she could be going through at that moment. So please, just be kind and back off. And every guy I hope knows this by now... do not tell us to smile or "You would look so much prettier if you smiled". I don't care if you're Brad Pitt, that NEVER goes over well.
Final score:
15points
HogHedge 2 years ago
My ex used to tell me that boobs were made to attract men. Yeah he's a fuuckwiit and that's why he's my ex
Load More Replies... Linda Riebel 2 years ago
"I never smile for a*s****s" is a good fast retort. Don't even break your stride.
#10
ummmmmm.... i cant think of one. oh wait MAYBE STOP HARASSING US AND STOP FOLLOWING US AROUND EVERYWHERE WE GO
Final score:
13points
#11
Walk your dog.
Final score:
10points
jolie laide 2 years ago
Eh.. I'm not sure about this one. Just because someone has a dog, a.) doesn't mean it's theirs b.) doesn't mean they're not a psycho. Everybody, men and women, have to realize that there's no "standard" profile for attackers or those that mean you harm. If someone is serious and smart enough, they'll try tricks. Remember Ted Bundy? He used tricks like his arm in a sling, or a leg in a cast or on crutches. Granted, he used this ruse to lure women closer, pretending to need help. But that isn't to say it can't apply to someone on the street. If they look injured, you might be more willing to speed up and try to pass them, to get close in that regard, etc. Just be aware, be cautious.
#12
sit in between creepy guys and them so they are at a distance.
Final score:
10points
#13
I am teaching my sons to be aware of the predatory situation women endure every. single. day. The knowledge will help them be better allies and to keep their eyes out for uncouth behavior. Every father that respects women should help his sons do the same, IMHO.
Final score:
10points
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
Thank you. You can also help them to recognize messages in mass media that disrespect women (or others). This way they can become aware of cultural biases that are dangerous or damaging.
#14
Don’t do anything a predator might do. Keep your distance. Ignore women around you. Make noise and carry a light at night when in a space that women would feel vulnerable. Step in if another man is clearly making a woman anxious, even if it means keeping him busy until she’s made her escape. Be a good guy.
Final score:
8points
Vladimir I 2 years ago
Won't you think that a man actively trying not to look as a predator is actually a predator in disguise? /s
#15
Take off your hood if you are walking in the same direction, don't speed up if we notice you are "following" us in fact SLOW DOWN!! We don't want to make eye contact or anything. If we are being hit on and we seem uncomfortable, walk over and act like our best friend and be like "Hey I found some cute pants over here come look!" in the gayest voice or deepest voice so they think the girl is also gay or dating you.
Final score:
7points
LokisLilButterknife 2 years ago (edited)
What is a gay voice? I'm a queer woman and I certainly don't have a "gay voice....”
Evan not Hansen 2 years ago
It's a stereotype for gay men, as corgi queen said it's a bit 'girly' or 'feminine' or more high pitched, sometimes a little squeaky. It's hard to explain but you've probably heard it before lol. (I'm saying this as a gay man)
Load More Replies... DC 2 years ago
... I assist everyone in getting rid of predators who also allows me to peacefully, my-own-business-mindingly pass. Don't see how I carry an obligation to be slow ... and, once on front, I cannot be following anymore, huh? Overtaking with as much distance, in the shortest time possible, of course, but still overtaking. I have read somewhere that any man overtaking a woman should be phyiscally attacked. That, I've never seen happen, but see as the dumbest advice oe could even give.
CORGI QUEEN (Submission author) 2 years ago
yea but just don't have your shoulders hunched and look creepy
Load More Replies... CORGI QUEEN (Submission author) 2 years ago
like those gay guys that talk like a girl or have high pitched voices so i think of that as gay voice
Load More Replies... #16
If you are genuinely trying to meet a woman do NOT text her a “D” pic. Don’t constantly talk about sex. Get to know her please?!!!!
Final score:
7points
#17
If a girl seems anxious or uncomfortable, pay attention to who is around her to gauge who may or may not be the source, rather than focusing on or approaching her. If your Spidey senses start tingling, keep an eye on whoever that may be.
Final score:
6points
#18
the kind of people that bother me, do not read this.
Final score:
6points
#19
There are lots of things guys should do in public to make women feel safer. They should stand up for the woman and ask if they are okay when there is somebody sexually assaulting them. Hell, they should stop sexual assault, period. Not judge or bully women. There are abusive boyfriends and parents who are alcoholic and horrible. If a man sees someone abusing another person, the man needs to stand up for that person. Ask before touching. Not compliment on women's bodies. People who only like others as crushes for their bodies are called perverts, and are not okay. Listen to them when they say no. Many men have trouble with taking no for an answer. If the men are toxic, then they need to leave us the f**k alone. Thank you for taking the time to reading this post. Stay safe. Be safe.
Final score:
6points
#20
Take us at our word. Especially if it’s a woman unknown to you. (Also to the minority, stop assaulting, murdering and raping women altogether and we may feel safer altogether. But, women do that too. So just, be decent people.)
Final score:
6points
#21
When walking on the sidewalks with a lady (SO, coworker, friend, etc) I always make sure she in on the inside and away from the street. Even though I'm paying attention to our conversation, my eyes and alertness are always "tuned in" to our surroundings.
Final score:
5points
Hey! 2 years ago
That's my husband; he's old-fashioned in many ways and this is one of them. He taught our sons to do the same.
Lana Lana Banana 2 years ago
Unless she's a trained MMA fighter, martial artist, or is otherwise physically stronger than the man she is with. In which case maybe she should be "protecting" YOU.
#22
Take no for an answer with grace and then leave us alone. I don’t care if it’s at a sex club - women do not owe men anything.
Final score:
4points
#23
Don't walk behind be. Or if you must and I glance back, please just tell me you're not a threat to me. Please.
Final score:
4points
#24
Most of these have prolly been said, but still: - Please don't stare at women. (We know we are perfection but that doesn't mean we are displays to be stared at ;) -Do not tease a woman for her looks, especially if you don't know her personally. -Do not think that women who come asking for you help are interested in you in anyway. (Had a guy do this when all I asked was help to take something from a higher shelf in a supermarket; I am epic short)
Final score:
4points
#25
Pls just mainly leave us the f**k alone if we don't want to talk with you or something. like at school yesterday, i was waving bye to one of my friends and some kid nearby was like making eye contact with me and continuously waving at me. i did not know him. i had never spoken to him. it made me extremely uncomfortable.
Final score:
3points
#26
Not walk so close behind especially when its dark or in secluded places, this goes for everyone, nothing worse than footsteps getting closer and your going at your fastest.
Final score:
3points
#27
One thing my husband and I agreed on is that neither one of us will drink alcohol in public if the other one is not there. We have seen too much stuff. Another thing we do is that if I have to go out at night he comes with me; if he's not there, he'll find someone else. We lock our doors during the day too (someone came into my house twice, two different houses). He always walk on the side of the road. My brothers did the same when I was a kid. That sort of things.
Final score:
3points
#28
I'm a gay trans man, so I have experience both being socialized as female and male, so I think I have some good advice, and not it's not necessarily gendered. Back when I still presented female, I would walk home from my martial arts class after dark and I met some creepy guys. To avoid being creepy here are some things you can do: -If you're behind someone and you want to walk faster than them, cross the street if possible, or you can call out that you walk fast and ask if you can pass them really quick. (I'm probably going to have to use this at some point because I have the stereotypical speedy gay walk lol). -If you are walking towards them, try to give them space. That doesn't have to be crossing the street, but maybe stepping off the curb for a bit or just scooting to the side. -Don't talk to other people you don't know to start a conversation while walking in the dark, a cheery hi can be okay but a conversation's a little weird. (One time a guy said, 'is that a black belt?" I said it was, and then he said "well I won't mess with you then!" like wtf were you planning to before?") -If you want to compliment a stranger or acquaintance, compliment their clothes, hair, fancy eye shadow, whatever, don't compliment their body itself. -Be aware! If someone around you seems uncomfortable, think about whether it might be because of you, or look to see if they are threatened by someone else and see if you can safely and respectfully put some space between the threatened and the threatening. -Please for the love of unicorns and all things holy don't catcall anyone ever. Walking with a bunch of friends in Times Square after dark my friends got catcalled and offered drugs and it made everyone very uncomfortable. It's not a compliment, it's creepy. I'm sure there's many other things but that's what I've seen and can think of now. :)
Final score:
3points
#29
Remind yourself that "No" not only means "No" - it also means "It wouldn't be that fun for you tonight any way, even if you talked me into it."
Final score:
2points
#30
Please do not follow women closely in a parking lot, on a sidewalk, etc. The approaching footsteps sound is very scary, especially after dark.
Final score:
2points
What do you think ?
Tiramisu 🇵🇸 (Post author) 2 years ago (edited)
It's about a teen who feels like he has to live up to this image he's not ready for. As the only child of a successful politician, he's being trained to follow in his mom's footsteps to carry forward her political legacy. However, his heart is not in it, as he grows to realize how dangerous and corrupt the world of politics actually is. He wishes he could be normal teen, and tries to find small things that can help him temporarily escape his world. Two other countries go to war with each other, which is beginning to have global consequences. This war begins to show the cracks in his own county's government and politics, and he has difficult decisions to make as he questions whether he should help stop everything his mom has worked for from crashing down or whether he should use it as a chance to pursue the life he always yearned for. What's yours about?
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Hey! 2 years ago
I'm not sure what OP was looking for but this is not what I was interested in. Something like: keep us inside the road, don't let us drink too much in public, make sure we get home safely, etc.
Tiramisu 🇵🇸 (Post author) 2 years ago
Feel free to contribute what you think would be good for this thread! We’re all learning from each other!
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Mantis_Shrimp🦐_123 2 years ago
If you are asking on a thread what women would actually like men to do, then ur a pretty good person! I wish other people were like this!
Al Dominguez 2 years ago
They should practice what I preach... Love - Honor - Respect & Protect Women, Family, Tribe and Mother Nature
Aiden Brough 2 years ago
Odd post? If I'm walking along the street and I see someone walking towards me, I simply step out of the way or if I'm walking faster behing them them than they are I cross over the road (if I can). I may just politely say "Hi" or "Good morning/afternoon" as I always do if the person is of a simialr or older age but otherwise, that's it. But, seriously, the likelihood of there being an encounter with a rapist, murderer, etc is remote. And if they were? Well, logically do you think THEY are going to do anything differently to start out? (Reminds me of a comment I saw on Netflix - "Why do conmen always prey on the vunerable?" - because who else will they prey on??) Social media has monsterised the majority at the expenses of a tiny minority of creeps who need to be punished harder. Like I said, odd post at to what 'I would do to make girls feel safer' when it's the internet that's making out their a bigger threat than there is...
Tiramisu 🇵🇸 (Post author) 2 years ago (edited)
It's about a teen who feels like he has to live up to this image he's not ready for. As the only child of a successful politician, he's being trained to follow in his mom's footsteps to carry forward her political legacy. However, his heart is not in it, as he grows to realize how dangerous and corrupt the world of politics actually is. He wishes he could be normal teen, and tries to find small things that can help him temporarily escape his world. Two other countries go to war with each other, which is beginning to have global consequences. This war begins to show the cracks in his own county's government and politics, and he has difficult decisions to make as he questions whether he should help stop everything his mom has worked for from crashing down or whether he should use it as a chance to pursue the life he always yearned for. What's yours about?
Load More Replies... Hey! 2 years ago
I'm not sure what OP was looking for but this is not what I was interested in. Something like: keep us inside the road, don't let us drink too much in public, make sure we get home safely, etc.
Tiramisu 🇵🇸 (Post author) 2 years ago
Feel free to contribute what you think would be good for this thread! We’re all learning from each other!
Load More Replies... Mantis_Shrimp🦐_123 2 years ago
If you are asking on a thread what women would actually like men to do, then ur a pretty good person! I wish other people were like this!
Al Dominguez 2 years ago
They should practice what I preach... Love - Honor - Respect & Protect Women, Family, Tribe and Mother Nature
Aiden Brough 2 years ago
Odd post? If I'm walking along the street and I see someone walking towards me, I simply step out of the way or if I'm walking faster behing them them than they are I cross over the road (if I can). I may just politely say "Hi" or "Good morning/afternoon" as I always do if the person is of a simialr or older age but otherwise, that's it. But, seriously, the likelihood of there being an encounter with a rapist, murderer, etc is remote. And if they were? Well, logically do you think THEY are going to do anything differently to start out? (Reminds me of a comment I saw on Netflix - "Why do conmen always prey on the vunerable?" - because who else will they prey on??) Social media has monsterised the majority at the expenses of a tiny minority of creeps who need to be punished harder. Like I said, odd post at to what 'I would do to make girls feel safer' when it's the internet that's making out their a bigger threat than there is...
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