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Hey Pandas, What Do You Think About Weddings And Wedding Culture?
What do you think about the current wedding culture, especially in your country?
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#1
If you're engaged to someone who cares more about the wedding than the marriage, run. Run fast, run far.
Final score:
17points
Mary Fernando 1 month ago
Weddings are used to show off. But often times the marriages do not last however grand, expensive or class. This is evident in all the current divorces amongst Royalty, film starts etc.
RELATED:
#2
Please do not ask me to contribute to your honeymoon fund when you have been together for nine years, own a home together, are childfree, and spent in excess of $100,000 on the wedding.
Final score:
14points
#3
Ive seen some couples in divorce before the wedding has paid for. our wedding cost $48 ($28 for the license), took 15 minutes. that was 37 years ago
Final score:
12points
#4
In general, I think weddings are boring and pretentious.
Final score:
11points
#5
Big expensive weddings are leaning toward tacky and out of style I think. The bridezilla and groomzilla selfish demanders are pathetic. Its absolutely great to celebrate the special day but keeping it simple is classy and is also probably a good indicator that the couple is thinking about the marriage rather than just the big day.
Final score:
10points
#6
A ritual celebration joining two people who wish to spend their lives together isn't necessarily a bad thing. Having said that, the cost of 'traditional' western weddings these days is nothing short of extortionate. Simple vows before a magistrate with a handful of close family and/or friends should suffice, and save tens of thousands.
Final score:
8points
#7
As it is presented in the media and copied by countless starry eyed wannabes - no thanks. Old saying: "Marry in haste - repent at leisure." How many marriages last these days because of the false hopes and me first attitudes of immature people?
Consider also the lingering patriarchal attitudes of many men, especially man babies. You are marrying a person, not a mother/housekeeper/s*x toy. You are marrying a person, not a sugar daddy/handyman/s*x toy. Their feelings are real and matter. How well do you really know one another? Are you safe with one another? What do you both want to achieve together?
I think the basis of marriage has to be at least friendship, trust and mutual respect first. Talk to one another. Share your hopes and dreams. Be honest about your finances and do a pre-nup.
Final score:
6points
#8
I love my husband. We needed a witness. Legal stuff. Engaged with judge. Brother and SIL witnessed. Good enough. You need more? Rock on. The rings cost marginally more than the Justice of the Peace. Easy peasy. No drama
Final score:
5points
#9
In the interests of equality I think partners should exchange engagement rings. As a woman, I don't see why the man is expected to give an (expensive) engagement gift without receiving a reciprocal gift.
Hen's and Bachelor's trips are agenerally ridiculous financial burden on the wedding party as evidenced on so many posts here.
The whole white dress and veil thing is outdated - we're not all teenage virgins. Wear joyous party colours, patterns, florals. Have more fun with it.
If I'm giving a gift and going to the trouble of attending your wedding, then don't ask me to then contribute to your honeyoon, wishing well and other tacky nonsense.
Final score:
5points
Robin Roper 1 month ago
White dresses can be beautiful, but so can pink, black, red, rainbow. Wear what you want and p*o on those who don't like it.
#10
Like most things today weddings have become about "keeping up" and putting on a better show than friends and relatives. Originally both partners lived apart, often still with parents. Today many have been living together and even have children together. The idea of gifts was intended to help the new couple set up a home, often no longer relevant.
Final score:
5points
#11
I think the historical reasons for it are well out of date now, but there are still legal and tax reasons for doing it. It's largely to do with inheritance, child support and so on. People have never been particularly bothered about the "forsaking all others" part - the rich and powerful had mistresses all over the place.
Final score:
4points
Robin Roper 1 month ago
The only benefit from marriage is legal. Committed people can be together for their entire adult lives and not need the "legal" aspect but that requires that both are decent people and will treat the other person equivalently (not the same as equally) if the relationship ends.
#12
Show off is not good. Spending millions of yen on a ceremony is a worthless waste and drain of money. You know my dream wedding? We get it registered, e-mail everyone that we are married in the eyes of the law now. This happens in the morning. Evening, we fly to Paris. Have a great time.
Final score:
4points
#13
You get to find someone you love. Commit to them. And for some reason you want to do it by spending a fortune on a party and demanding people basically refurnish your house like you are 18 year old just moving out of their parents house. Truly do not get it. If you want to get married, you love and respect that person, you go for it. The pageantry around your life choice (not accomplishment) is so weird.
Final score:
4points
#14
Have been a wedding photographer for a while, it all starts with a nice couple being happy who spend a lot of money to make everybody happy except thereselfs. Stopped photographing weddings at all, got sick of the emails after a year or so about the couple being split up.
Final score:
4points
#15
We got married after decades. He wanted to make sure I would be taken care of if anything happened to him.
Final score:
3points
#16
I'm old enough to remember when the couple, with the aid of family, paid for a wedding they could afford. A hugely expensive wedding for a couple who didn't have that kind of money was not going to earn them respect and status. People would just think they were idiots.
Final score:
3points
#17
I like the trend towards smaller weddings and larger receptions I am seeing in my age cohort (Millennials). I totally get it, though, that folks who have large families in particular wanting something slightly larger altogether.
Final score:
2points
Robin Roper 1 month ago
My nephew got married last September in a lovely and intimate ceremony at the bride's parent's house; it was followed by a nice lunch. A total of 20 people were present and that included the officiant who was a friend. They had a party a few weeks ago where they were joined by a larger circle of their friends. I didn't attend as I'd attended the main event. I hear the party was fun. Both aspects cost about what most brides pay for a dress and flowers. They are just as married and are super happy.
#18
Happy to be 55 and single with no friends so I will never go through that t*****e of being married again. I moved a lot. The one time I did it was in the county clerk's office standing outside of a cubicle. Then we went out for dinner. Probably the highlight of it.
I ended up having to go to the law library after he filed. I won. Got nothing from him and he was on the hook for his own attorney fees. It was a DIY divorce response, and in TX no less. He went on afterward to be on the SO registry and living in mommy's basement.
Bottom line: trust your instincts and do your research.
Final score:
2points
#19
Keep em quick, I don't want to sit around uncomfortable for hours, otherwise I would have just gone to work.
Final score:
2points
StrangeOne 1 month ago
Yeah, I find I don't need to bear witness a couple's retelling of bedroom escapades and their "undying love" for each other, when we all know Kirsty was cheating with one of her ex's a month ago, and the groom is having problems with drinking and they both had kids together, perhaps some not with each other, and the divorce is already considered.
#20
Weddings are about close family and friends celebrating the union of two people who want to make a life together. Big or small, make it about everyone having fun - not just about the bride's perfect Instagram moment! (P.S. No one cares how much you spent on the dress you will wear only once in your life!)
Final score:
2points
#21
I hope sincerely that the many depicted bridezilla-weddings on BP do not represent the common marriage, in whatever country. My daughter and her lovely husband married during Covid, a nice, small marriage. Because there were rules.... It was lovely.
Final score:
2points
#22
This is one of my areas of expertise because I worked as a cashier at a Bridal / Quinceañera shop from 1997 to 2002.
I say weddings are unnecessary and quinceañera celebrations are an absolute abomination. It used to signal that a girl, aged 15, was "open for business" , ready to be married off to a proper (wealthy) suitor; almost like selling a cow.
Now, though, it's just a fun and noisy tradition. I dislike it but I can see why it is enjoyed as a party in itself. I just question its origin greatly.
That being said, the dresses sometimes are cool, and I respect how people enjoy these occasions.
But marriage is not just a dress and not just a party, and choosing a partner seems to be rather difficult for many.
Final score:
2points
#23
When I was planning my wedding, most the vendors tried to paint the picture of a fairy tale and that I was a princess. It was so ridiculous. "It's your day!" Well, it is actually both of our day that we are sharing and celebrating with family and friends so no, it's not all about me. It was very cringy. Can I hire you to take pictures and I not be a princess?
Final score:
2points
StrangeOne 1 month ago
"My day" would be my birthday. That's the day that is about you, within reason, of course.
#24
We skipped it altogether, but we did buy a house.Kid was 11 months old, I was 17. Happy together until death parted us 45 years later.
In NZ it's considered a legal couple whether you marry or not.
Final score:
2points
Danish Susanne 1 month ago
In Denmark it is much like NZ but if your spouse dies it is much easier to sort out the inheritance when the couple was married. If you are not legally married you should leave a will.
#25
If others want to marry it's up to them how they do their wedding. I'll never have one, don't mind getting invited though.
"especially in your country?"
There is one important tradition I'd like exclude from my previous statement: Having a car convoy randomly slowing down on or outright blocking a highway and shooting into the air - Not cool
Final score:
1point
TotallyNOTAFox (Submission author) 1 month ago (edited)
Note: I just see that I wrote "Important" rather than "imporTED" - Whoops
#26
It has become a contest to see who can spend the most and get all the things as in any new idea that pops up in a brides magazine and all the newly engaged have to have them. Take that $10,000 (who am I kidding), $40,000 and put it towards a house.
Final score:
1point
StrangeOne 1 month ago
I don't even know how some people have been able to afford these weddings. I know they are planned over a period of 2 years, but c'mon.
#27
Older woman here, now widowed, married twice for 25 years. I am SO OVER all wedding culture for myself! No third time here; I am not the Wife of Bath! Happy to celebrate others' weddings, wish them well, hope they are happy for many years. But yeah no for me. Been there, done that, great marriage the second time around for 17 years.
Final score:
1point
#28
Too frivolous.
People used to wear their best suits and dresses they owned, bought rings from the blacksmith, which were simple gold bands, or some type of metal that was in their price range, and they invited their family and friends to the ceremony.
The cake was traditionally a fruitcake, and some mead and wine, or some other drink was served.
If a family was wealthy enough, there would be a house gifted to the married couple that was pooled by the family.
I do find smaller, simpler weddings to be much better than the over-the-top weddings where the families are bickering, stressed and bossing everyone around, while serving cold banquet food with the dry meat, and cake that is more nicer to look at than to eat, and children, who are part of the family, are treated like pests.
Final score:
1point
#29
I'm 37 and never married but having seen my friends get married...I can confidently say, I do not want a large or even medium scale wedding. I would really like a very small, minimum (not even some relatives...just like the absolute closest and necessary) scale just to sort of celebrate the event. Also, not an expensive one either, very cost-effective. That cash can go into buying a house or a really nice vacation. I have seem too much money spent and as a guest I didn't even enjoy it....not to mention I'm not a fan of crowds. My only hope is if I ever have to get married, my spouse also agrees this is the way to go lol
Final score:
0points
#30
I think weddings are boring to watch, but fun to dance.
Final score:
0points
#31
I genuinely want one when I grow up but (I'm an Arab keep in mind) I HATE big weddings, even though that is the norm here. Like, take that money and, idk, go on a honeymoon or put it towards a house. If I ever had a wedding, it would be my family, his family, a bunch of friends (like 5 people from me and 5 people from him) and thats IT I don't need so many people or so much money spent on the wedding
Final score:
0points
#32
I used to work in the catering industry and if your getting married, Google wedding tax. A lot of the vendors and venues charge you more if they know its a wedding. Florists, photographers, DJ's everyone. Some companies don't but most do.
Final score:
0points
#33
My wife and I were living together before we got married. Her mother passed away after we got engaged, and her father took off. So we moved in together and we paid for our wedding ourselves. Her friends, my friends and my family. No bachelor/hen parties, and the reception was held at my parents house. Afterword we just went home to our apartment. 5 years later, we won a trip to Paris, France. We called it our belated honeymoon. We didn't spend a lot on the wedding, but it was worth it. 37 years later we are still married, and I still love her with all my heart.
Final score:
0points
#34
My entire family has had very small weddings, my parents getting married with only about 8 people attending (4 of my grandparents and 4 close friends). They probably spent about a couple hundred dollars on the wedding.
But I would say, do what makes you happy. Maybe don't blow millions on your wedding. If both people in the couple agree on a certain type of wedding, go with it. Enjoy your big day and your relationship afterwards.
Final score:
0points
#35
Waste of money and society has changed / moved on. The fact that not being married can mean you are sometimes classed as single is a joke, same goes for the tax breaks.
Final score:
0points
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