Only ones that you made!
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Ted the lightbulb came home from work to find his wife dead on the floor. There was another lightbulb standing over her holding a knife. In the dimly lit room, Ted had no idea what happened. Ted wasn’t very bright.
I’m so sorry this is so bad your ears are probably burning.
A waiter served a customer an empty plate. The customer said, "Hey! I ordered an egg!" The waiter smiled and said, "Yes sir, here is your poached egg."
My wife has been after me for years to take her deer hunting with me. I finally caved in and took her this year. We were hiking and she was talking nonstop ( which scares away any chance for a deer). After a couple of hours of this I suggested we split up and I would frighten deer towards her. At least I could get some quiet hunting time and maybe a chance for a shot. After about ten minutes I hear “blam” then “blam blam”
I’m thinking she saw a deer and took a shot (beginners luck). I headed back to her and hear her yelling “get away from my deer, it’s MY deer”. As I come around the corner, I see a guy standing there with his hands in the air and he’s saying “okay, okay, lady it’s your deer, just let me get my saddle off it”
