Hey Pandas, AITA For Expressing Disappointment In My Husband’s Actions On Mother’s Day?

Absolutely NTA as you only asked for a cup of tea and a present which is entirely reasonable. Your husband is TAH as first he said he would do something nice for you and slept in, then he had the audacity to COMPLAIN about you waking him up at a reasonable time. Then the only present you received was a gift you helped your daughter get while your husband decided to take his mother on a day trip and spoil her and got her PANDORA which was bad enough but then he didn’t get anything for you and didn’t think of getting your daughter something for you. To top it off he forgot even a basic cake and flowers for you. I am an insensitive 15 year old and I would be nicer than this. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.

I don't think you are the AH and you are not expecting too much but I think there are a few issues at play. I agree with Trillian, when you are supported in your role and space is made for your preferences and self-care ANY time you need it, then mother’s day becomes not such a big deal. You sound very much like you are feeling unappreciated generally – not just because its mother’s day. It’s ok to expect more from your partner every day. Not just once a year.

NTA. DH, is not so dear and is definitely TA. If this is how he treats her on MOTHER'S DAY, I dread to wonder how he treats her the rest of the year. He shelled out for his mum, but couldn't even be bothered to get pizza with toppings she likes, make her a tea, and tidy up so she could sleep in peace. Given how giving he was to his mum, he knows he's shortchanging her.

Absolutely NTA, My parents were divorced and they both made sure the other parent got a mother's/ father's day present from us kids. And would remind us (once we were old enough) to cook breakfast/ dinner for them on that day as well. Yes you are not his mother, but he should be helping your young children to appreciate you and do things for you, not only on mother's day, but every day. Your husband seems like a whiny brat!!!

Late to the party but I hope you read this. It must be especially disheartening when your husband recognizes the importance of Mother’s Day with regards to his mother but you are essentially ignored. I have to agree with other comments that he’s probably not a supportive partner any other day of the year either. Possibly an odd thing to focus on, your comment about him bringing home pizza with toppings you don’t like but you thanked him for being thoughtful so you didn’t have to cook. Speaking in broad generalization, most (?) women are more likely to observe their partner/spouse’s preferences and act accordingly to demonstrate that they see their SO. They don’t need to be told. Whereas the most frequent complaints I’ve heard or observed from men is “Why doesn’t she just tell me what she wants?” A lot of men don’t process hints; plenty of others don’t even process direct communication of what one needs from them. I told my ex for years that every screaming fight he started over something petty eroded my love for him but he was still shocked when I said I was done and started divorce proceedings. What you said was positive reinforcement of his actions when you weren’t actually happy. I completely understand why you take the route of not upsetting him with your disappointment. Nonetheless, what you did was let him know that the way he treated you the whole day was ok with you when it wasn’t. Successful relationships depend on honesty. You don’t have to be harsh or confrontational but you should tell your SO how you really feel rather than pretending to their face that all is well, then posting on social media about your true feelings. When you are disappointed, say so and explain why. When you are hurt, say so and explain why. Honesty is a double edged sword; you may find that you aren’t compatible but it’s a heck of a lot easier to find a way to be each other’s true partner when you don’t hide how you really feel.

You're definitely not the AH here there are so many ways he could have made an effort. He could have taken both kids to lunch with his mom, came home and made you dinner and put the kids to bed. He could have gotten out of bed and made you breakfast. Cleaned before he went to bed the previous night. Could he not have brought you all out with his mother as a treat for both of you? He also could have followed through on his afternoon tea promise or at a minimum asked what would make the day special for you, some alone time for your bath, breakfast on bed, dinner etc. Because everyone's preferences are different. The dude put zero effort in though. You are rightly miffed by his lack of consideration and effort. I think yiu need to sit down with him and explain calmly why his actions or lack thereof hurt you and what you would have enjoyed.

I don't think he likes her very much. She's obviously someone not important to him. You shouldn't stay with someone like that.

I told my friend (when he said that his wife wasn't his mother so why should he do something with her [and the kids] vs. just his mom) that he helped MAKE his wife a mother!! And even though the kids are now young teens, he should maybe celebrate with all the moms in his life. He said that he never thought of it that way.

NTA. And it's even fine that you broke down in tears since that's a very normal emotion to experience when someone ignores your mother's day completely while going all out on someone else's. You had reasonable requests. Now that you've shared your emotions on the topic, I'd like to see the two of you sit down for a more level-headed and assertive conversation about why he made you feel slighted and what can be done differently when a situation like this comes up again. My partner and I schedule weekly debriefs where we can go over incidents exactly like this one and work together as a team to make sure both of us have our wishes and boundaries respected. For example, setting clear expectations could have led to him being allowed to sleep as late as needed on his day off with time to celebrate his mother, while also making the time to get you your tea and plan a special dinner that you like. He was tuned out to your needs, and regular communication should fix that.

Wow, your husband isn't dear at all. He's just an a*****e.

NTA. Your DH really dropped ball and was quite insensitive talking about his mother enjoyed her mother's day when he did nothing for the mother of his kids. I do wonder how much appreciation he shows the rest of the year though or if he (and maybe the kids as well) take you for granted. When I was that age we were excited to bring our mother breakfast in bed with our own artpieces (we usually made in school), I'm really sorry that doesn't seem the case for you. You are worthy of love, acknowledgement and praise.

My husband and I decided to go out together in the goal of getting married. We sat down for 5 hours to list our expectations. One of my big ones was mother/father's day. I am not his mother and he is not my father. I will take care of both our mothers on that day but I don't want anything from him on that day, nor should he expect anything from me. He gave our children money so they could chose what they wanted to give me; I got some weird stuff but I remember doing the same for my parents. We did go to brunches and other activities, but the children wanted to do those and it was acceptable to go. To this day, 35+ years together, we are still okay with this.

Welcome to parenthood. It's a thankless task but brings it's own rewards. I've brought my stepsons up with my husband for 15 years and this mother's Day I got a lovely card off the dog and a box of chocolates from my MIL! I don't take it personally. I know they'd miss me if I weren't here. I love the ungrateful little gits all the same. And one day they will be parents themselves and I'm looking forward to choking back the laughter when they realise just how much work and investment parenting takes. As for the husband. If he doesn't appreciate what you do day to day then he's not going to recognise the need to make a fuss of you on behalf of the kids. Don't go to town on father's day. Give him a card from the kids in case they forget and get on with your day in future. Next year tell the family you're having the day off and book a spa day. Tell hubby to make sure your fave takeaway is waiting for you when you get back and have a nice family meal. Don't sweat it. They love you really.

NTA. There is no equal division of labor to start. "DH" couldn't finish a single task on his own, and can't even remember to get his wife the scone and tea she asked for. He doesn't even know the pizza toppings she does and doesn't like apparently. He couldn't even clean up on his own, he woke her to "help". I'm not bragging here but my DH goes above and beyond every day and always tries to find ways to help make my day easier or give me a break. on mother's day I get the day OFF to do as I please, whether it's spending time w/ my family while I exert little to no effort to plan or prepare anything, or giving me a spa afternoon and a nice dinner after our little one is asleep. And I don't have to ask, he just DOES it. Bc that is what a loving respectful partner does. If he can't even exert the minimum amount of effort required, i.e. tea in bed or flowers, I would stop giving a c**p for him come June. (Or whenever father's day is in The UK, I'm in the US so it's June).

For Father's day, you should pack up your son and go visit with your dad. ALL day

Holy s**t and all she wanted was a cup of tea and to spend the day with her kids

I think it's great that your husband clearly loves his mother, but I'm sorry, once a man is married, his wife should be his number 1 focus, and once that wife bears his children, SHE is his priority on Mother's day. I'm so lucky to have a mother-in-law who encourages this in her sons. In return, her DILs love her and we encourage our husbands to continue to reach out to her and treat her well because we know that SHE respects us.

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Sounds like OP has been repressing her feelings and instead of talking it out with her own family, she turns to BP instead to feel validated. I feel sorry for her feeling disrespected and less important but she has to have a honest conversation with husband and children, own up to her own wants and needs and make them happen instead of playing a resentful doormat. You are your own person, stand up for yourself (even against your own husband and children if needs to be)

I personally think Mothers day and Fathers day are freaking stupid as all hell. Plenty of us can't be parents for one thing. then the idea that you have to celebrate them one day of a year instead of appreciating them all year is even more stupid. ESH. OP is basic AF, the dad is inconsiderate and the whole article is just dumb.

You're not his mother, he looks at Mothers Day being about his mom, men and women are wired different, sometimes they just dont get it. So when Fathers Day rolls around, just do what you do every day, and make it all about your dad, maybe he will get the point. If you have to force it, it is just not the same. just not the same.

YTA. I'm going to say it. You did not say that you had clear expectations about what you wanted. "Honey, I would like to be treated special on Mother's day. I'd like time away from the kids but then family time that's all about me. It would be nice to get some of my favorite snacks throughout the day we all watch my favorite movie, and I don't have to clean ANYthing. Last year, I felt that you dropped the ball on Mother's Day, so this year, it would be nice for a treat. I love you for all you do and know you love me too, but I want to make sure this is a great Mother's Day." This clear expectation still allows for him to still plan some surprises with the kids, allows him time to spend lunch with his mom (taking the kids with him), allows you to get a bath and not clean the house. Everyone is happy!