Girl Accuses This Man At A Gym Of Taking Photos Of Her And Demands To Check His Phone
Did you know that gym is short for gymnasium? Nobody calls it that, but it does surprise people to learn that it’s actually a short version of a 4-syllable word. The more you know!
Anywho, gyms have been booming lately, but while it’s a place for people to become and stay fit and healthy, it, sadly, also attracts folk that are there to gawk at others. Usually, it’s the case where guys become predators and dare to even take pictures of ladies while they work out. Don’t be that guy.
But, on rare occasions, men also become innocent victims in a gym. This is that story, as shared by a Reddit user who, unfortunately, had to go through an unpleasant experience at the gym.
More Info: Reddit
While a gym is a place of health and fitness, sometimes it can also become a place of conflict
Image credits: Hotel du Vin & Bistro
So, Reddit user u/ConsequenceOutside64 recently went to the r/AmITheA-Hole subreddit to share a thing that happened to him at the gym in hopes of understanding if he was in the wrong here.
The story goes that he was working out. While doing so, he keeps track of all his reps on the phone. It just so happened, he was also in the proximity of one squatting rack that he wanted to use, but it was a tad bit crowded there. Specifically, there was a lady with tights too thin for her own good using it.
One Reddit user shared his experience of being accused of snapping pictures of women at a gym, when he didn’t
Image credits: u/ConsequenceOutside64
He was uncomfortable with that, so he went through his gym routine while staying close to the racks until they became free. However, the lady there mistook his presence and how he was checking his phone for doing the pervy thing of taking pictures of her.
So, she confronted him in a loud and rather aggressive manner. It caught the redditor off-guard, especially when swearwords and demands to go through his phone were on the table. Oh, and this was besides the fact that she was recording him the whole time.
He shared the story on Reddit in hopes of finding out whether he was in the wrong here
Image credits: u/ConsequenceOutside64
Anyway, he refused. Not sure if he mentioned why to anyone, but he did explain in the post that he had some private photos on the phone he didn’t want anyone to see. The argument quickly moved to the gym admin, who offered to be a third party in checking his phone. He again declined.
Instead he offered to check the footage. When the manager came over, they eventually did, and despite not being able to see what in particular he was doing on the phone, it was clear that he wasn’t tilting it at anyone, especially the lady that went ballistic on him, and hence he couldn’t have snapped pics of her.
Image credits: u/ConsequenceOutside64
But this did raise the question—was he in the wrong to refuse to give his phone to be checked for pictures of the angry lady? He himself claimed it’s his phone, it’s all private, and he is not obligated in any way to show its contents to anyone.
And while the people in the gym disagreed with that, many redditors ended up voting that he isn’t the a-hole here. Most ruled that it would have been a breach of his privacy, despite it being an ideal way of resolving the issue on the spot.
While others understood why the woman was upset and how she acted—she’d already had an experience like that—they thought that she should have still been more civil about it and should have gone straight to the gym’s admins instead of making such a big scene.
Image credits: u/ConsequenceOutside64
The post managed to garner over 20,000 upvotes, with nearly 3,000 people expressing their thoughts on the matter in the comments. The post eventually received the tag determining that he is in fact not the bad guy in this story. AITA democracy triumphs again.
What are your thoughts on this matter? Who’s right and who’s wrong (if anyone)? Leave us a comment in the comment section below!
The Reddit ‘jury’ determined that he is not, in fact, in the wrong here
I am very socially anxious person and I easily run away from awkward situations. If someone yelled at me that I am a pervert in the middle of the gym (I am a woman, but never mind here) and humiliated me by demanding to see my personal photos as proof I would never go back to that place again. Cancelled membership forever. It's just so humiliating, regardless of genders. Also, I don't like people who yell and call names, and give orders to other people (unless it' s police, military or court). That scares me and is totally repulsive.
And, no matter how strong you are, few people react to feeling unsafe by yelling, being demanding and rude. A man at the gym acted in away meant to assert his dominance, make me feel weak and ashamed. I went into the ladies locker room for safety, and to try to understand why I was upset. Another woman came in and we recognized how we felt by seeing each other. We were certain we were over reacting, felt ashamed blaming the man for something he may not have done. The problem was us, not him. We decided to walk the long way to the front desk to avoid the man, tell them what happened and let them decide. He was thrown out of the club. No screaming or yelling. Why draw attention to myself? Would I feel safer after yelling etc? I wanted guidance, not be near this man. I did not want attention. Her actions are not weak, she feels safe and secure, she angry, and has no reason not to yell and be demanding. I couldn't because I was afraid. She is a Karen.
Load More Replies...The court of public opinion doesn't care about the burden of proof. This is why the trend of "cancel culture" is so dangerous. Yeah sure, some people are blatantly guilty saying/doing bad things, but that isn't always the case when mob mentality kicks in.
Load More Replies...She comes into a gym wearing no underwear and see-through leggings then throws a fit because the guy behind her wasn't taking pictures of her....Sounds like all she wanted was attention and got pissed when she didn't get what she wanted. And absolutely not, would I give access to my phone to anyone, I don't care who they are.
Jeez. Wtf?! The girl is in thr wrong here for demanding to see the guys phone and making up in her own head that hes taking photos of her, but to start about her choice of clothing? Nothing to do with it. She can dress how she wanfs for the gym. So she is comfortable. That does not mean she wants attention.
Load More Replies...Both sides have --some-- merit. But 1) she could have watched what he was doing and worked out it was not an issue without waiting till the end and then going crazy. 2) it was clearly a non-issue once the gym employee saw the updated fitness tracking records 3) there is NEVER a reason to have to show your private files to prove your innocence, let alone when it is already not in doubt. How would the woman have felt if someone demanded she show her private pictures to prove her innocence? (And I'm female, not male, so that's not the reason I am taking his side here.)
While being filmed while doing a workout. She should have been kicked out and permanently banned from the place
Load More Replies...Am I the only one thinking that if she's wearing see through leggings, no underwear, and reacts by making a scene and filming it she might be trying something. She could be legitimately worried, especially after a bad experience. Might be the first time she's with those leggings and first realize there see through when the stretch (dang poor design, imo). But my first thought when he said she was filming it was she was trying to go viral.
I also feel like she did this for attention, like that wasn't the first time that she legit reacted that way even without having proof. Also the fact that she just snapped without even observing the whole situation is weird. And the fact that she was wearing a see through leggings and no underwear and already thinking that people are taking photos of her, attention seeking tbh
Load More Replies...A lot of women in my gym too wear sports leggings with no underwear. I do not know why the heck you would do that. And I am female and I know to spot a thong.. If you can see the whole bush or camel toe.. there's no undies.
Load More Replies...Gee, whatever happened to "innocent UNLESS proven guilty"? There is no presumption of innocence any more. You are accused, especially if a woman accuses you and you are ipso facto guilty.
This is proving detrimental to true issues, like actual harassment. This needs to stop, but no one knows how to separate an attention seeker from a victim.
Load More Replies...Quite frankly, it sounds like Brenda is looking to create a problem. I know I'm going to get fragged for this, but, if you're wearing clothes that are basically see through at the gym it's because you want people to look. You're trying to be the center of attention. Just like a guy wearing a muscle shirt at the gym.
Honestly, I thought the same thing. Especially when the story mentioned that she had done this before. Chaos creates chaos.
Load More Replies...So she's done this several times before and she's wearing see through leggings without underwear to the gym to do squats in. Sounds like this person is out to bait someone for whatever reason. Also why was she not kicked out? She was the one filming another person who was doing a work out. You don't get to film people in a gym, no matter why you think you might want to
A big failing these days is that all a person has to do is accuse another of a lewd act, and the accused is assumed to be guilty. It's the beginning of a return to the good old days of witch burning.
She demanded. Why do people think they have the right to demand stuff from others? Regardless of the reason. Maybe if she was respectful and asked nicely. Or maybe used some tact, told the gym staff what she 'thought' may have happened, and asked them to check and verify. The edited spreadsheet every couple minutes should have been enough. However, maybe showing the pic album or thumbnail pic(s) to staff only from a far enough, but visible distance. Like it's not totally clear, but clear enough to know it's not her.
She should have went straight to the staff. Giving zero thought to this guys innocence, she decides to accuse him of recording her yet it's okay to record him whilst humiliating him in his place of peace. It's awful that it's happened to her before but she obviously needs to seek help on how to correctly approach this situation. My brother goes to the gym and the thought of a young girl screaming and publicly accusing him of being a pervert makes my skin crawl and my blood boil all at once.
Compared to other species, we really suck at accurate threat-assessment.
I'm not so sure that's true - my dog is afraid of soccer balls, but he'll jump out into the road to bark at passing cars.
Load More Replies...Maybe a public, or a unisex gym isn't a good place for her if she's that paranoid. There are female only gyms. But that means a gal can't make false accusations towards men and try to get attention from them. I could play devil's advocate and say maybe she didn't know her leggings were see-through. But at this point it's well-known there is a chance they are.
Imagine your bf has some sexy or nude pictures of you on his phone, and then someone demands to see them? No way. It's not only the guys privacy, but also the people he has pictures of. Women are now tought to see danger in every action, to be mistrustful and assume the worst. I hope he demenaded the video she made of him is deleted.
She was wearing what? Attention getting outfit or old leggings worn thin? Unclear. If it had been me, a woman, I would have noticed. Embarrassed for the woman, a bit worried if it was a man. I no longer go to the gym because of the men starting at my chest as I work out. No matter how ugly the shirt or how many I wear, they stare. Not a quick glance, but stare. It seemed like the man noticed, but may not have stared. Her outfit made him uncomfortable enough to want to move. I have never understood fancy gym outfits. I want to work out and go home.
One Halloween I worked bar as a "lusty bar wench" I kept my full beard but did a pretty good job with my cleavage. Being queer, boobs have never held my attention sexually so I never really got the obsession but I believed women when they said men just talk to their boobs. I did not realize though that there meant *all* straight men talk *only* to their boobs. Many men thought I was a woman all night because they never once looked at my face or even noticed my voice. Those that did at first recoiled when they realized I was a guy, but then right back to staring at my big knickers *and then* making completely inappropriate comments .... I think every man should be forced to spend a week in the world with fake boobs, a short skirt, high heels, styled long hair and make-up.
Load More Replies...Is anyone else thinking that Brenda might be a lot less self conscious about it if she threw some underwear on? First, you can't be ready to accuse someone of perversion if you, yourself have your own. Second, if you don't want people to look, don't be an exhibitionist. Sounds like Brenda needs to chill out. That's like the girls that go to the beach with bikini's that are the equivalent of two postage stamps and a band-aid and then get upset that guys are staring at them. Well...what did you expect?
Exactly! I'm not even attracted to women, but if I saw someone walking around practically naked I would double take too. I would have the same reaction if someone wrapped themselves head-to-toe in garbage bags. It's just a bizarre thing to wear. Wearing something that brings attention to oneself will, surprise, bring attention to oneself! Some people are morons.
Load More Replies...Just because some beach demands to have acces to my private pics does not mean she has any legal rights to do so. Call the police or the FBI, it doesn't matter, I'm not going to reveal any private photos to some entitled woman, who thinks she calls the shots, just because she's female.
Sad that you even considered showing someone your private pics from YOUR phone no matter if the pics are nsfw or not nsfw.It is your phone,only the police can look at it
NTA- I understand the girls side, especially if this has happened to her before, mostly understand her being loud to draw attention, and, her initial aggressive approach. And, lastly, I see the reasoning in her asking to go thru your phone- I actually saw an article about checking the persons phone yourself. HOWEVER, 1. you had an alternate way to prove you didn't ( spreadsheet) 2. you were innocent. I think suggesting going to the manager, was a perfect solution, and spot on. The manager confirmed the spreadsheet, you offer even more proof- video, which, the manager should also relay to Brenda. Basically, she wanted to violate your privacy, because she thought you violated her privacy. And if the whole thing about refusing to show your pics can't be gotten over, a simple" the reason I refused, is because I also have my personal photos on my phone." Don't need to explain any more, if you don't want. I think you deserve an A+ for handling it the way you did.
Ok, but... why would you wear no underwear and then be so bothered as to claim that because you're not wearing underwear someone is taking pictures? Maybe just idk.. wear some f*****g underwear?
Where did she claim that he was taking pics because she had no underwear on?
Load More Replies...I wonder, if he wore "See-through leggins, that showed that he also is not wearing underwrar" she would also have thought: "That's not my buissness. That's his choice"
I wonder how she would have reacted if he came to her all angry asking why he was taking pictures in that case.
Load More Replies...What is this obsession with women wearing skin tight leggings and no underwear? My husband ran into a similar situation when we were at Michaels Arts and Crafts store. He was in an aisle looking at something on the lower shelves. Some girl walked into the same aisle with who he thought was her mother(?). Anyway, she had to be less than 20 years old and was wearing skintight leggings that were stretched out and, of course, no underwear on. She walks over near him and he looks up, thinking it's me, and she bends over with her vagina pretty much facing him. He stood up and gave a WTF look and walked out of the aisle. He told me about it after we left the store. Glad he made the right decision and quickly got away from hoochie girl otherwise he could have been in a similar situation.
'Hoochie girl'. How judgemental....you know women can wear what they like, right?
Load More Replies...What an unfortunate situation. At least I am pleased to read that most folks seem to understand why the girl reacted the way she did though I feel sorry for the guy. Wrong place, wrong time, man. And to Brenda: Put some underwear on, that cannot be hygienic.
Once you've been creeped by someone before, it's hard to trust anyone or anything again. It's humiliating, defiling, and frightening. It sucks this guy had go through this. But what sucks even more is how hyper vigilant she is going to be now as a result of the actions of someone else previously.
NTA. If she can look through his stuff based on an accusation then there is no concern for the police to break down doors based only on a suspicion your house is a meth lab.
I know everyone is assuming the woman wanted attention because of what she was wearing, but that sounds a bit too close to a woman "asking for it" by what she was wearing. It's making a big assumption. I think the only real conclusion we can come to is that it sucks as a woman to live in a world where there are definitely creepy men who do these kinds of things. She's probably just afraid. Stop judging her based of what she chose to wear that day, that's not evidence. And no, I'm not siding with her, she clearly misjudged the guy, but maybe stop and think before making assumptions.
Once had a stupid ugly bitch call the cops on me... dumb bitch thought I was taking pictures of her ugly fat kids. Should at least get good looking kids first to even justify the action. Cops came by told me and I straight up said f**k no I didn't and that her kids were fat and ugly. So was taking pictures of cat with her kittens next to hotel pool and also some bird shots and other stuff.
Ok, im with the guy here. The girl maybe has issues due to past experiences, but that doesn't mean she can act like that. My issue is with the whole 'she wasn't wearing underwear' detour of the story....it has no relevance to the story! If you took out that whole part about her gym leggings and no pants, it would have no affect on the outcome of the story. Why is it even mentioned? All it's done is rile up the judgemental people in the comments banging on about a woman wearing clothes (shocker).
I would have turned the tables on her for her choice of workout wear, pants that are a bit 'see-thru' and any one can determine that underwear was not there. 'You don't advertise, you don't sell'? Then complain that the buyer is not who you want? I get comfy clothes, but have a level of modesty in public. If you wouldn't let Gramma or the pastor see ya in them, then wear them at home .
So he would have gotten banned from the gym if he'd taken pictures of her but no one thought to rebuke her for literally recording him on her own phone without his permission. This guy was perfectly within his rights to refuse to allow anyone to look at his phone. I would have made a formal complaint about this woman recording other people on her phone.
If she’s so scared of creeps and even had a problem with one, maybe she should stop wearing see-through pants. You don’t leave your bike unlocked outside, why wear revealing clothes if you are bothered by people looking?
Ugh this is a grey zone. But, as a woman, I do think that she was bating. I LOOKS to ME that she wore those see through pants and nothing under it to "catch" guys staring at her/ making pictures of her. That's just mean in my opinion, because even I as a straight woman, would have stared.
Tough one because you can understand her point of view, but not ok to yell at someone and demand they show private images from their phone.
I've been falsely accused of things before, I assume most people have. It's often hard to defend yourself. If there wasn't a camera that showed he wasn't pointing his phone at her, the accusation would have been enough. It should be innocent until proven guilty but it doesn't seem to always work that way.
This is classic American logic: guilty until proven innocent. That’s just how the law works in the US.
As someone who has had a stalker I know that it does make you extra paranoid, and wary of other people. There is a guy who lives across from me who really looks like my ex-stalker and I can't bring myself to even nod hello to him he sets of flight/fight so much. So I get that she might be on edge, after a bad incident. However there are ways to deal with these things, and it sounds like she chose a bad way. It will be a learning experience for her, and I hope she will take it forward into positive growth. Great that gym had good policies in place on how to deal with it, as not all do. BTW - what underwear she was or was not wearing has nothing to do with anything at all, there are lots of different reasons why she wasn't wearing any, none of which have anything to do with anyone, and we shouldn't be judging women based on such a Victorian standard.
Whether she was wearing underwear or not was relevant because he noticed it. If she looked at him at the same moment he looked at her, she might've mistaken him for a pervert staring at her private areas even though in reality he only saw by accident. It would've impacted how safe/unsafe she felt, she it was relevant to the story. Or, like someone else said in another comment, she might be looking for attention the way men in muscle shirts look for attention. It isn't misogyny or s**t-shaming if it goes both ways or if she was actually looking for attention. Based on her behavior, too, she wants people to look at her. Instead of discreetly asking an employee to confront the man, she screams at him in a public place. See how there are many conclusions that can be drawn from what she was wearing? It's an important piece of information & it was included in relatively unbiased way. He just stated what he observed, but it helps the reader to know what this woman is like.
Load More Replies...As a women we do need to protect ourselves that's what we're taught from a very young age and unfortunately this stuff happens all the time. I understand why she was upset but no one should have to show their phone even if guilty that's what the gym cameras are there for hopefully. As far as him being wrongly accused sorry but it's going to happen sometimes just like us women have to deal w constant sexual harassment sometimes men will be accused of being creepy that's life right now hopefully we can change this for both our sakes.
The OP said she was doing squats, but it would seem the focus was more on her snatch.
I would think if she went straight to management, not him, and complained it might have went a bit differently. You can filter your photos by date, time, location so he could have just said look, there's no photos logged here with her in it without showing all his photos. Obviously he has a smart phone if he is tracking his reps that intensely 🙄 Since there's a long wait for those benches...
Both sides make sense. The woman wanted to make sure he wasn't taking pictures of her, a pretty big issue in the media nowadays. The man didn't feel like he had to. But imagine the story told from the perspective of the woman. She thought he was taking pictures and asked to see for herself if there's nothing. Like I said, it's a hard issue to resolve and it's not black and white
She has no right to go though his phone and he has every right to deny it.
Load More Replies...Her recording makes me think she wanted something to post on Tiktok as these videos blow up, this guy seemed an easy target. I still think he should have just showed the gym worker his phone. Surely he could just open his photo folder. There are I take it nude pics of him & his gf but doubt they would be the last pics on his camera roll. Unless they were fair enough. But I would have. Just to show the girl there & then I hadn’t & humiliate her. She’s obviously an exhibitionist if she walks around in see through leggings & no underwear. That’s not an excuse for a man to take pics of her but let’s not pretend shes totally not at fault. From a morale point of view men or women walking around in see through attire and no underwear should be refused access to the gym. Some may argue she’s a pervert as she’s exposing herself to men & women around her unless she’s totally oblivious to how see through her leggings are.
I saw this story from her side first. Not to make any assumptions on the man before I got both sides. She deff knew her pants were thin. (Everyone does the butt check with those types of pants. So u know if u need something under them or what's appropriate when wearing them.) Wrong place wrong time for her wearing them an him noticing. But he moved on. So what does she do when someone is behind her working out an looking at their phone? She starts recording an getting mean. Instead of "hey sup with you on your phone behind me?" And instigated an assault on the man in accusing tones. At least the gym worker handled it the best she could and the manager reviewed the cameras. I'd say the gym needs to have some sort of policy on phones then. At least they have cameras. Sadly she's always going to be on guard after being targeted before. Maybe they could make amends an work out together so he could have her back an she could feel safe he has no intentions toward her.
so in your book, no harm no foul - after she falsely accuses him everybody just becomes workout buddies and we forget the whole thing?
Load More Replies...I feel like they're both innocent cuz she was probably paranoid after it happened the first time
I totally get gis POV - he does not have to show his phone at all. Her thinking he is taking pics is her issue. I also dont get the clothing bit at all. It has no relevance to the story whatsoever. He didnt need to mention it.
Load More Replies...I dont believe he was taking photos, i think this is her getting worked up due to past experience. I do agree with the judgement of what shes wearing. Especially because it has NO RELEVANCE to the actual story! Its not like she acused him of looking at her vag 🙄
Load More Replies...What a disgusting comment. Women don't ask for anything with the clothes they wear.
Load More Replies...She's not blameless here, she could have worn panties if she was paranoid about people taking pictures of her ladybits. As a female, I know perverts are out there so I'll put some freakin' underwear on if I'm going to be bending and squatting in SEE THROUGH pants in a public place. No need to draw attention to myself - unless I'm LOOKING FOR IT. Give me a damn break.
Load More Replies...Why would it make a difference if it was your wife, daughter or girlfriend, they would still be falsely accusing someone and demanding to see personnel pictures? How would you feel if your intimate pictures had been seen by the staff at the gym you go to because someone falsely accused your partner of something?
Load More Replies...Well, except the headline is: "Guy Asks If He’s Right For Not Letting A Woman Who Accused Him Of Taking Pictures Of Her Go Through His Phone " It uses neither the word "man" nor "girl."
Load More Replies...If you mean the bigger issue is the choice to wear see-through pants without underwear when you've already had an incident at that very gym, then I agree.
Load More Replies...That seems like some decent common sense, except that people routinely use their smart phones for much more than tracking their progress. They listen to music while they work out (undoubtedly the foremost use), and also want to be available for texts or calls. It's completely unrealistic to expect a gym to ban phones, and I doubt that any gym that did so would keep its customers.
Load More Replies...he literally didn't get upset over what she was wearing. His tone makes it seem like her wearing revealing leggings could have been the reason she was more wary of men around her.
Load More Replies...So all I have to do is accuse you of taking photos of me, and I get to see thumbnails of your recent photos? I'll pass on that precedent, thanks.
Load More Replies...I've held off commenting until now but here goes ( I know I'm gonna get shot down but oh well) I have been in her position more than once and I will still say that NOBODY has the right to violate someone else's privacy. The gym manager dealt with the situation correctly without the mans photos being viewed. What about the girlfriends privacy ( there were pics of her on his phone)? A horrible misunderstanding for all involved
Load More Replies...Oh cool, Jen can't find holes in the privacy argument, so she decides to attack the author. How can she be the one disappointed in human kind, when she's an example of overbearing unkindness?
Load More Replies...I am very socially anxious person and I easily run away from awkward situations. If someone yelled at me that I am a pervert in the middle of the gym (I am a woman, but never mind here) and humiliated me by demanding to see my personal photos as proof I would never go back to that place again. Cancelled membership forever. It's just so humiliating, regardless of genders. Also, I don't like people who yell and call names, and give orders to other people (unless it' s police, military or court). That scares me and is totally repulsive.
And, no matter how strong you are, few people react to feeling unsafe by yelling, being demanding and rude. A man at the gym acted in away meant to assert his dominance, make me feel weak and ashamed. I went into the ladies locker room for safety, and to try to understand why I was upset. Another woman came in and we recognized how we felt by seeing each other. We were certain we were over reacting, felt ashamed blaming the man for something he may not have done. The problem was us, not him. We decided to walk the long way to the front desk to avoid the man, tell them what happened and let them decide. He was thrown out of the club. No screaming or yelling. Why draw attention to myself? Would I feel safer after yelling etc? I wanted guidance, not be near this man. I did not want attention. Her actions are not weak, she feels safe and secure, she angry, and has no reason not to yell and be demanding. I couldn't because I was afraid. She is a Karen.
Load More Replies...The court of public opinion doesn't care about the burden of proof. This is why the trend of "cancel culture" is so dangerous. Yeah sure, some people are blatantly guilty saying/doing bad things, but that isn't always the case when mob mentality kicks in.
Load More Replies...She comes into a gym wearing no underwear and see-through leggings then throws a fit because the guy behind her wasn't taking pictures of her....Sounds like all she wanted was attention and got pissed when she didn't get what she wanted. And absolutely not, would I give access to my phone to anyone, I don't care who they are.
Jeez. Wtf?! The girl is in thr wrong here for demanding to see the guys phone and making up in her own head that hes taking photos of her, but to start about her choice of clothing? Nothing to do with it. She can dress how she wanfs for the gym. So she is comfortable. That does not mean she wants attention.
Load More Replies...Both sides have --some-- merit. But 1) she could have watched what he was doing and worked out it was not an issue without waiting till the end and then going crazy. 2) it was clearly a non-issue once the gym employee saw the updated fitness tracking records 3) there is NEVER a reason to have to show your private files to prove your innocence, let alone when it is already not in doubt. How would the woman have felt if someone demanded she show her private pictures to prove her innocence? (And I'm female, not male, so that's not the reason I am taking his side here.)
While being filmed while doing a workout. She should have been kicked out and permanently banned from the place
Load More Replies...Am I the only one thinking that if she's wearing see through leggings, no underwear, and reacts by making a scene and filming it she might be trying something. She could be legitimately worried, especially after a bad experience. Might be the first time she's with those leggings and first realize there see through when the stretch (dang poor design, imo). But my first thought when he said she was filming it was she was trying to go viral.
I also feel like she did this for attention, like that wasn't the first time that she legit reacted that way even without having proof. Also the fact that she just snapped without even observing the whole situation is weird. And the fact that she was wearing a see through leggings and no underwear and already thinking that people are taking photos of her, attention seeking tbh
Load More Replies...A lot of women in my gym too wear sports leggings with no underwear. I do not know why the heck you would do that. And I am female and I know to spot a thong.. If you can see the whole bush or camel toe.. there's no undies.
Load More Replies...Gee, whatever happened to "innocent UNLESS proven guilty"? There is no presumption of innocence any more. You are accused, especially if a woman accuses you and you are ipso facto guilty.
This is proving detrimental to true issues, like actual harassment. This needs to stop, but no one knows how to separate an attention seeker from a victim.
Load More Replies...Quite frankly, it sounds like Brenda is looking to create a problem. I know I'm going to get fragged for this, but, if you're wearing clothes that are basically see through at the gym it's because you want people to look. You're trying to be the center of attention. Just like a guy wearing a muscle shirt at the gym.
Honestly, I thought the same thing. Especially when the story mentioned that she had done this before. Chaos creates chaos.
Load More Replies...So she's done this several times before and she's wearing see through leggings without underwear to the gym to do squats in. Sounds like this person is out to bait someone for whatever reason. Also why was she not kicked out? She was the one filming another person who was doing a work out. You don't get to film people in a gym, no matter why you think you might want to
A big failing these days is that all a person has to do is accuse another of a lewd act, and the accused is assumed to be guilty. It's the beginning of a return to the good old days of witch burning.
She demanded. Why do people think they have the right to demand stuff from others? Regardless of the reason. Maybe if she was respectful and asked nicely. Or maybe used some tact, told the gym staff what she 'thought' may have happened, and asked them to check and verify. The edited spreadsheet every couple minutes should have been enough. However, maybe showing the pic album or thumbnail pic(s) to staff only from a far enough, but visible distance. Like it's not totally clear, but clear enough to know it's not her.
She should have went straight to the staff. Giving zero thought to this guys innocence, she decides to accuse him of recording her yet it's okay to record him whilst humiliating him in his place of peace. It's awful that it's happened to her before but she obviously needs to seek help on how to correctly approach this situation. My brother goes to the gym and the thought of a young girl screaming and publicly accusing him of being a pervert makes my skin crawl and my blood boil all at once.
Compared to other species, we really suck at accurate threat-assessment.
I'm not so sure that's true - my dog is afraid of soccer balls, but he'll jump out into the road to bark at passing cars.
Load More Replies...Maybe a public, or a unisex gym isn't a good place for her if she's that paranoid. There are female only gyms. But that means a gal can't make false accusations towards men and try to get attention from them. I could play devil's advocate and say maybe she didn't know her leggings were see-through. But at this point it's well-known there is a chance they are.
Imagine your bf has some sexy or nude pictures of you on his phone, and then someone demands to see them? No way. It's not only the guys privacy, but also the people he has pictures of. Women are now tought to see danger in every action, to be mistrustful and assume the worst. I hope he demenaded the video she made of him is deleted.
She was wearing what? Attention getting outfit or old leggings worn thin? Unclear. If it had been me, a woman, I would have noticed. Embarrassed for the woman, a bit worried if it was a man. I no longer go to the gym because of the men starting at my chest as I work out. No matter how ugly the shirt or how many I wear, they stare. Not a quick glance, but stare. It seemed like the man noticed, but may not have stared. Her outfit made him uncomfortable enough to want to move. I have never understood fancy gym outfits. I want to work out and go home.
One Halloween I worked bar as a "lusty bar wench" I kept my full beard but did a pretty good job with my cleavage. Being queer, boobs have never held my attention sexually so I never really got the obsession but I believed women when they said men just talk to their boobs. I did not realize though that there meant *all* straight men talk *only* to their boobs. Many men thought I was a woman all night because they never once looked at my face or even noticed my voice. Those that did at first recoiled when they realized I was a guy, but then right back to staring at my big knickers *and then* making completely inappropriate comments .... I think every man should be forced to spend a week in the world with fake boobs, a short skirt, high heels, styled long hair and make-up.
Load More Replies...Is anyone else thinking that Brenda might be a lot less self conscious about it if she threw some underwear on? First, you can't be ready to accuse someone of perversion if you, yourself have your own. Second, if you don't want people to look, don't be an exhibitionist. Sounds like Brenda needs to chill out. That's like the girls that go to the beach with bikini's that are the equivalent of two postage stamps and a band-aid and then get upset that guys are staring at them. Well...what did you expect?
Exactly! I'm not even attracted to women, but if I saw someone walking around practically naked I would double take too. I would have the same reaction if someone wrapped themselves head-to-toe in garbage bags. It's just a bizarre thing to wear. Wearing something that brings attention to oneself will, surprise, bring attention to oneself! Some people are morons.
Load More Replies...Just because some beach demands to have acces to my private pics does not mean she has any legal rights to do so. Call the police or the FBI, it doesn't matter, I'm not going to reveal any private photos to some entitled woman, who thinks she calls the shots, just because she's female.
Sad that you even considered showing someone your private pics from YOUR phone no matter if the pics are nsfw or not nsfw.It is your phone,only the police can look at it
NTA- I understand the girls side, especially if this has happened to her before, mostly understand her being loud to draw attention, and, her initial aggressive approach. And, lastly, I see the reasoning in her asking to go thru your phone- I actually saw an article about checking the persons phone yourself. HOWEVER, 1. you had an alternate way to prove you didn't ( spreadsheet) 2. you were innocent. I think suggesting going to the manager, was a perfect solution, and spot on. The manager confirmed the spreadsheet, you offer even more proof- video, which, the manager should also relay to Brenda. Basically, she wanted to violate your privacy, because she thought you violated her privacy. And if the whole thing about refusing to show your pics can't be gotten over, a simple" the reason I refused, is because I also have my personal photos on my phone." Don't need to explain any more, if you don't want. I think you deserve an A+ for handling it the way you did.
Ok, but... why would you wear no underwear and then be so bothered as to claim that because you're not wearing underwear someone is taking pictures? Maybe just idk.. wear some f*****g underwear?
Where did she claim that he was taking pics because she had no underwear on?
Load More Replies...I wonder, if he wore "See-through leggins, that showed that he also is not wearing underwrar" she would also have thought: "That's not my buissness. That's his choice"
I wonder how she would have reacted if he came to her all angry asking why he was taking pictures in that case.
Load More Replies...What is this obsession with women wearing skin tight leggings and no underwear? My husband ran into a similar situation when we were at Michaels Arts and Crafts store. He was in an aisle looking at something on the lower shelves. Some girl walked into the same aisle with who he thought was her mother(?). Anyway, she had to be less than 20 years old and was wearing skintight leggings that were stretched out and, of course, no underwear on. She walks over near him and he looks up, thinking it's me, and she bends over with her vagina pretty much facing him. He stood up and gave a WTF look and walked out of the aisle. He told me about it after we left the store. Glad he made the right decision and quickly got away from hoochie girl otherwise he could have been in a similar situation.
'Hoochie girl'. How judgemental....you know women can wear what they like, right?
Load More Replies...What an unfortunate situation. At least I am pleased to read that most folks seem to understand why the girl reacted the way she did though I feel sorry for the guy. Wrong place, wrong time, man. And to Brenda: Put some underwear on, that cannot be hygienic.
Once you've been creeped by someone before, it's hard to trust anyone or anything again. It's humiliating, defiling, and frightening. It sucks this guy had go through this. But what sucks even more is how hyper vigilant she is going to be now as a result of the actions of someone else previously.
NTA. If she can look through his stuff based on an accusation then there is no concern for the police to break down doors based only on a suspicion your house is a meth lab.
I know everyone is assuming the woman wanted attention because of what she was wearing, but that sounds a bit too close to a woman "asking for it" by what she was wearing. It's making a big assumption. I think the only real conclusion we can come to is that it sucks as a woman to live in a world where there are definitely creepy men who do these kinds of things. She's probably just afraid. Stop judging her based of what she chose to wear that day, that's not evidence. And no, I'm not siding with her, she clearly misjudged the guy, but maybe stop and think before making assumptions.
Once had a stupid ugly bitch call the cops on me... dumb bitch thought I was taking pictures of her ugly fat kids. Should at least get good looking kids first to even justify the action. Cops came by told me and I straight up said f**k no I didn't and that her kids were fat and ugly. So was taking pictures of cat with her kittens next to hotel pool and also some bird shots and other stuff.
Ok, im with the guy here. The girl maybe has issues due to past experiences, but that doesn't mean she can act like that. My issue is with the whole 'she wasn't wearing underwear' detour of the story....it has no relevance to the story! If you took out that whole part about her gym leggings and no pants, it would have no affect on the outcome of the story. Why is it even mentioned? All it's done is rile up the judgemental people in the comments banging on about a woman wearing clothes (shocker).
I would have turned the tables on her for her choice of workout wear, pants that are a bit 'see-thru' and any one can determine that underwear was not there. 'You don't advertise, you don't sell'? Then complain that the buyer is not who you want? I get comfy clothes, but have a level of modesty in public. If you wouldn't let Gramma or the pastor see ya in them, then wear them at home .
So he would have gotten banned from the gym if he'd taken pictures of her but no one thought to rebuke her for literally recording him on her own phone without his permission. This guy was perfectly within his rights to refuse to allow anyone to look at his phone. I would have made a formal complaint about this woman recording other people on her phone.
If she’s so scared of creeps and even had a problem with one, maybe she should stop wearing see-through pants. You don’t leave your bike unlocked outside, why wear revealing clothes if you are bothered by people looking?
Ugh this is a grey zone. But, as a woman, I do think that she was bating. I LOOKS to ME that she wore those see through pants and nothing under it to "catch" guys staring at her/ making pictures of her. That's just mean in my opinion, because even I as a straight woman, would have stared.
Tough one because you can understand her point of view, but not ok to yell at someone and demand they show private images from their phone.
I've been falsely accused of things before, I assume most people have. It's often hard to defend yourself. If there wasn't a camera that showed he wasn't pointing his phone at her, the accusation would have been enough. It should be innocent until proven guilty but it doesn't seem to always work that way.
This is classic American logic: guilty until proven innocent. That’s just how the law works in the US.
As someone who has had a stalker I know that it does make you extra paranoid, and wary of other people. There is a guy who lives across from me who really looks like my ex-stalker and I can't bring myself to even nod hello to him he sets of flight/fight so much. So I get that she might be on edge, after a bad incident. However there are ways to deal with these things, and it sounds like she chose a bad way. It will be a learning experience for her, and I hope she will take it forward into positive growth. Great that gym had good policies in place on how to deal with it, as not all do. BTW - what underwear she was or was not wearing has nothing to do with anything at all, there are lots of different reasons why she wasn't wearing any, none of which have anything to do with anyone, and we shouldn't be judging women based on such a Victorian standard.
Whether she was wearing underwear or not was relevant because he noticed it. If she looked at him at the same moment he looked at her, she might've mistaken him for a pervert staring at her private areas even though in reality he only saw by accident. It would've impacted how safe/unsafe she felt, she it was relevant to the story. Or, like someone else said in another comment, she might be looking for attention the way men in muscle shirts look for attention. It isn't misogyny or s**t-shaming if it goes both ways or if she was actually looking for attention. Based on her behavior, too, she wants people to look at her. Instead of discreetly asking an employee to confront the man, she screams at him in a public place. See how there are many conclusions that can be drawn from what she was wearing? It's an important piece of information & it was included in relatively unbiased way. He just stated what he observed, but it helps the reader to know what this woman is like.
Load More Replies...As a women we do need to protect ourselves that's what we're taught from a very young age and unfortunately this stuff happens all the time. I understand why she was upset but no one should have to show their phone even if guilty that's what the gym cameras are there for hopefully. As far as him being wrongly accused sorry but it's going to happen sometimes just like us women have to deal w constant sexual harassment sometimes men will be accused of being creepy that's life right now hopefully we can change this for both our sakes.
The OP said she was doing squats, but it would seem the focus was more on her snatch.
I would think if she went straight to management, not him, and complained it might have went a bit differently. You can filter your photos by date, time, location so he could have just said look, there's no photos logged here with her in it without showing all his photos. Obviously he has a smart phone if he is tracking his reps that intensely 🙄 Since there's a long wait for those benches...
Both sides make sense. The woman wanted to make sure he wasn't taking pictures of her, a pretty big issue in the media nowadays. The man didn't feel like he had to. But imagine the story told from the perspective of the woman. She thought he was taking pictures and asked to see for herself if there's nothing. Like I said, it's a hard issue to resolve and it's not black and white
She has no right to go though his phone and he has every right to deny it.
Load More Replies...Her recording makes me think she wanted something to post on Tiktok as these videos blow up, this guy seemed an easy target. I still think he should have just showed the gym worker his phone. Surely he could just open his photo folder. There are I take it nude pics of him & his gf but doubt they would be the last pics on his camera roll. Unless they were fair enough. But I would have. Just to show the girl there & then I hadn’t & humiliate her. She’s obviously an exhibitionist if she walks around in see through leggings & no underwear. That’s not an excuse for a man to take pics of her but let’s not pretend shes totally not at fault. From a morale point of view men or women walking around in see through attire and no underwear should be refused access to the gym. Some may argue she’s a pervert as she’s exposing herself to men & women around her unless she’s totally oblivious to how see through her leggings are.
I saw this story from her side first. Not to make any assumptions on the man before I got both sides. She deff knew her pants were thin. (Everyone does the butt check with those types of pants. So u know if u need something under them or what's appropriate when wearing them.) Wrong place wrong time for her wearing them an him noticing. But he moved on. So what does she do when someone is behind her working out an looking at their phone? She starts recording an getting mean. Instead of "hey sup with you on your phone behind me?" And instigated an assault on the man in accusing tones. At least the gym worker handled it the best she could and the manager reviewed the cameras. I'd say the gym needs to have some sort of policy on phones then. At least they have cameras. Sadly she's always going to be on guard after being targeted before. Maybe they could make amends an work out together so he could have her back an she could feel safe he has no intentions toward her.
so in your book, no harm no foul - after she falsely accuses him everybody just becomes workout buddies and we forget the whole thing?
Load More Replies...I feel like they're both innocent cuz she was probably paranoid after it happened the first time
I totally get gis POV - he does not have to show his phone at all. Her thinking he is taking pics is her issue. I also dont get the clothing bit at all. It has no relevance to the story whatsoever. He didnt need to mention it.
Load More Replies...I dont believe he was taking photos, i think this is her getting worked up due to past experience. I do agree with the judgement of what shes wearing. Especially because it has NO RELEVANCE to the actual story! Its not like she acused him of looking at her vag 🙄
Load More Replies...What a disgusting comment. Women don't ask for anything with the clothes they wear.
Load More Replies...She's not blameless here, she could have worn panties if she was paranoid about people taking pictures of her ladybits. As a female, I know perverts are out there so I'll put some freakin' underwear on if I'm going to be bending and squatting in SEE THROUGH pants in a public place. No need to draw attention to myself - unless I'm LOOKING FOR IT. Give me a damn break.
Load More Replies...Why would it make a difference if it was your wife, daughter or girlfriend, they would still be falsely accusing someone and demanding to see personnel pictures? How would you feel if your intimate pictures had been seen by the staff at the gym you go to because someone falsely accused your partner of something?
Load More Replies...Well, except the headline is: "Guy Asks If He’s Right For Not Letting A Woman Who Accused Him Of Taking Pictures Of Her Go Through His Phone " It uses neither the word "man" nor "girl."
Load More Replies...If you mean the bigger issue is the choice to wear see-through pants without underwear when you've already had an incident at that very gym, then I agree.
Load More Replies...That seems like some decent common sense, except that people routinely use their smart phones for much more than tracking their progress. They listen to music while they work out (undoubtedly the foremost use), and also want to be available for texts or calls. It's completely unrealistic to expect a gym to ban phones, and I doubt that any gym that did so would keep its customers.
Load More Replies...he literally didn't get upset over what she was wearing. His tone makes it seem like her wearing revealing leggings could have been the reason she was more wary of men around her.
Load More Replies...So all I have to do is accuse you of taking photos of me, and I get to see thumbnails of your recent photos? I'll pass on that precedent, thanks.
Load More Replies...I've held off commenting until now but here goes ( I know I'm gonna get shot down but oh well) I have been in her position more than once and I will still say that NOBODY has the right to violate someone else's privacy. The gym manager dealt with the situation correctly without the mans photos being viewed. What about the girlfriends privacy ( there were pics of her on his phone)? A horrible misunderstanding for all involved
Load More Replies...Oh cool, Jen can't find holes in the privacy argument, so she decides to attack the author. How can she be the one disappointed in human kind, when she's an example of overbearing unkindness?
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