Many people want their proposal to be a surprise, whether they’re the ones kneeling down or those squealing joyfully, saying yes (hopefully).

But arguably few people would want to be—or have been—surprised by them popping the question themselves. If you’re wondering, how can that come as a surprise if you’re doing it yourself, this redditor’s story might offer an explanation. You see, this guy was not planning on proposing to his girlfriend on his birthday, but she kind of did that for him. Scroll down to find the full situation in the man’s own words below.

It’s not uncommon for people to propose on a romantic dinner date

Image credits: BGStock72 / envato (not the actual photo)

But this guy had no idea that his girlfriend was about to pop the question during his B-Day dinner, and on his behalf, too

Image credits: nikolast1 / envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ExtraSupermarket8858

It’s a good idea for couples to discuss marriage before anyone pops the question

Image credits: Gera Cejas / pexels (not the actual photo)

While some people would like to be surprised by their partner’s proposal, many would agree that the idea itself of making a life-long commitment shouldn’t come as a surprise. Before taking a step as significant as marriage, couples should probably talk things through to see if they’re on the same page when it comes to the important aspects of life.

According to The Knot Real Weddings Study carried out last year, close to half of respondents in a serious relationship believe that marriage should be discussed before saying ‘I do’; many of them reportedly did and some even went ring shopping together.

“Talking about marriage before the proposal is an excellent idea,” licensed marriage and family therapist Caleb Birkhoff told The Knot. “Though engagements, weddings and marriages are steeped in wonderful tradition this is a great place to break the mold.”

According to the expert, talking about it all doesn’t take the magic out of popping the question, but rather allows the couple to align on feelings, expectations, and visions for the future, which is a great foundation to build a relationship on.

It’s safe to assume that most people marry out of love (and statistics seem to prove that), but a happy marriage relies on more than that, so discussing everything beforehand can help avoid unexpected—and unfavorable—surprises later in life, after both have said ‘I do’.

Surveys show that most people prefer a private and simple proposal

Image credits: Burst / pexels (not the actual photo)

Even if you discuss engagement and marriage with your partner, it doesn’t mean that the proposal can’t come as a surprise. The whens and the hows don’t necessarily have to be arranged together; though it might be a good idea to listen to your partner if they ever talk about how they would like to be proposed to.

The reason why listening for clues might come in handy is that not all people favor the same kind of engagement. You wouldn’t take your partner who hates sports to a basketball game to ask them one of the most important questions of your lives; the same way you probably wouldn’t do a grand gesture in some public place if your loved one hates attention.

As a matter of fact, few people want a public proposal – a survey carried out by YouGov found that the majority of Americans believe that proposals should be simple and private. When it comes to grand gestures versus something less elaborate, 75% of respondents are in favor of the former while only 7% stand for the latter. As for popping the question privately or in public, the survey shows that it’s 70% vs 8% respectively.

According to the survey, women were more likely to want an elaborate proposal than their male counterparts, as were younger people compared to the older generations. Another interesting thing the poll found was that young couples—those aged 18 to 29—were more likely to seriously discuss engagement beforehand than their older counterparts.

But from the OP’s story, it seemed that despite fitting the latter group age wise, they weren’t among those who had the talk, which resulted in the guy being totally blindsided on his birthday. Taken aback, he collected his things and stormed off, splitting people into camps over whether or not he was the jerk for doing so.

Many people sided with the blindsided man, they didn’t think he did anything wrong here

Some, however, weren’t as supportive of his reaction

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