Room Goes Silent After Man Shocks Interviewers With Blunt Answer To 9-Month Resume Gap
Interview With Expert
There are a myriad of reasons why a person might take a break from working. However, knowing how to approach these résumé gaps can be quite challenging, especially when it’s the last thing an individual wants to talk about.
A case in point is redditor NeitherDepth5290, who recently shared his experience of trying to address the 9-month empty space on his CV. His motivation for it was more than justifiable, but the interviewer went completely wrong about it, pushing him to snap back.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with an executive leadership coach and founder of Heart Writing Services, Constance Johnson, who kindly agreed to answer some of our questions about résumé gaps
Knowing how to approach résumé gaps can be quite challenging
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Not ready to address his, this man snapped back at his interviewer
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image source: NeitherDepth5290
84% of people believe there is a stigma associated with being out of work
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
When an employee loses a family member or a close loved one, they can use bereavement leave to grieve their passing and use the time to arrange funeral services. In the US, a worker on average receives one to five days off, with three being the most common.
A return to routine might be good for some, as there really isn’t a right way to grieve. However, it’s very unlikely that a person can fully function just 72 hours after losing an immediate family member. Since some companies don’t offer bereavement leave or employees find it insufficient, they might decide to take a break from work, just like the author of this story.
Consequently, this creates a résumé gap, which can be undeniably tough to address, as it was found that 84% of people believe there is a stigma associated with being out of work. Meanwhile, roughly 67% assume that this affects their ability to find a new job.
To learn more about how to address such an employment situation, Bored Panda reached out to executive leadership coach and founder of Heart Writing Services, Constance Johnson. She says, “You should emphasize transparency and resilience when addressing a bereavement gap on your resume during interviews. Briefly describe the circumstances, highlighting how you handled your responsibilities with integrity and professionalism.”
She additionally advises to “demonstrate continuous growth and readiness to contribute by emphasizing the skills and experiences gained prior to and after the gap. Employers appreciate honesty and adaptability. Use this opportunity to showcase your ability to overcome challenges with grace and determination.”
The person isn’t required to disclose personal reasons for resume gaps
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Even though transparency can be a good thing, Johnson notes that it’s not required to disclose personal reasons for resume gaps, such as bereavement. What is important is maintaining professionalism and focusing on skills, experience, and accomplishments.
She adds, “You can explain the gap subtly in a cover letter or during an interview, if asked, with a brief, general explanation. Employers typically value honesty and discretion. The purpose of a resume is to highlight qualifications relevant to the position. In the end, discretion is key; it is a balance between transparency and boundary-keeping.”
On the other hand, interviewers should remain respectful of resume gaps by framing questions around career transitions or growth opportunities. Johnson further explains, “For instance, they might want to know about any significant life events that have influenced your career path. This will enable you to address the gap organically. Alternatively, they can ask about skills acquired during the gap or projects undertaken, focusing on your professional development.”
A good interviewer will approach the topic with empathy, taking into consideration that personal circumstances may vary. Jonhson notes, “By maintaining a supportive and non-judgmental tone, interviewers create a space for candidates to comfortably share relevant information while ensuring the conversation remains professional and respectful.”
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This whole "gap in your resume" thing is sinister af overall... it's like saying you're worthless if you don't devote your entire life to working. I'm not 100% sure but I think we don't even do that here in Europe.
Ice had gaps in mine and its only been questioned once. I'm in Europe also. I've always been prepared for it to be asked though and where i was asked it was a simple short answer I gave and it caused no issues I got the role.
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Speaking as a recruiter, this story infuriates me. Asking about a gap is reasonable. We do it all the time (at least in the pre-pandemic days, not so much anymore unless it deals with security issues). But after he said he was grieving the loss of family. That should have been full stop- next question (and also, it should have been asked earlier on than a 3rd round interview) What REALLLY makes me go "WT ever loving F" Is the phone call from the recruiter, which is REALLY out of line. Thank god he didn't take this job, they obviously are looking for drones and don't care about their people at all. Totally NTA.
To add: why I said it should be a full stop, move to the next question: He said he was grieving loss of family. You are dangerously close to getting into medical/hippa issues. TBH I think if they declined to give him an offer, he would have grounds to contest it and win because of the continuing questioning path AND the phone call from the recruiter that was unprofessional as hell
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Having to explain "gaps" in your resume is as unnecessary as it is stupid. What if I simply needed some time to unwind and catch my breath? Who said that we have to work 24/7 like some brainless cogs in a machine?
Oh but that’s the thing, these soulless companies want you to work 24/7 and have no life of your own. So if they see a hint that you’re maybe a human and not a cog in the machine, then it’s a red flag for them being unable to exploit you relentlessly.
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I'd ask the recruiter "Please explain this life-long gap in your soul."
As a recruiter, in this case i 100000000% agree with you
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My partner had a worker who lost his little son, suddenly. A very much wanted and little boy. It's been a few years now, and he still hasn't recovered. It's basically destroyed him. Who's business is it to tell anybody how sad you should be or for how long. I imagine if that had been me, I would be totally devastated.
Companies really need to stop hiring psychopaths for management.
Load More Replies... 1. Nobody should be asking you about gaps in your resume. It's none of their goddamn business. An interviewer who asks you about such a gap is in the wrong already. Frankly, the candidate would have been within her entire rights to say, "That is personal information," and if they pushed it to say, "Your question is inappropriate for an interview." 2. Once the candidate said it was bereavement, the interviewer should have shut tf up IMMEDIATELY. everybody's mental health is their business and theirs alone, not their employers'. He was ASKING for this response, and that the recruiter would have the GALL to complain about the candidate's response is... I'm nearly apoplectic I'm so angry lol
"Was it because you had Covid?" Answer: That is an illegal question in a job interview. "Death of a loved one is no excuse." Answer: What a ghoulish response. Thank you for your time. Good bye.
I always answer questions about gaps with" I would love to talk to you about it, but I have signed an NDA, and I am not looking into getting into legal issues with my previous employer."
Recruiter here: please don't do that unless you have the actual NDA. It can be called out for you to produce the NDA (legally, it could be required to produce it if offered a job). Plus us recruiters know people are using that as a BS excuse. I have gaps in my resume. My answer? "I held a position outside the industry that was not relevant to this posting" (which is true, Bartending really doesn't hold water for example for an HR job). "I was laid off an the market at the time was horrific for this type of work" (also true, esp. in the housing crash)
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We have all had to work with someone that probably NEEDED a work gap. It's much better to take the time to deal with your s**t and return back to the workplace when you're ready. Working during times when you really need to rest, heal, or grieve, just makes you an unproductive employee, and probably difficult to work with.
I get the gap issue in certain industries. But the way of going about it isn't "why weren't you working" it should be more like "in what ways were you keeping up with industry shifts?"
Maybe if it's five years and they are just coming back, but not 9 months, and OP has been working for 4 years since. Honestly it's not at all relevant if they're in the third interview. Especially given all the evidence suggesting that most interviews don't actually help the hiring process. It's all garbage to make psychopaths and narcissists feel powerful. Also: I think the 9 months off made them think pregnancy. It was a sneaky way to ask (more) illegal questions.
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I have a 20 year gap in my résumé because the 1st 10 years I took care of my elderly parents and their property, and after they died, I moved to another country and took care of my in-laws who were suffering from multiple health issues until their deaths. And I explain this in my letter of motivation, but most employers just look at the CV and the discrepancy of time and dismiss the applicant. I'm one of the most loyal employees according to my CV-15 years loyal to one medical office, but I haven't "worked" outside taking care of my family for 20 years, so, I'm nothing.
Recruiter here- even when a CV is required, most recruiters don't read it. I would suggest (if you haven't) on your resume update it to "Caregiver" with the years in question. You can also list out what you did (i.e. handled finances for elderly inlaws" etc) which would be relevant in nearly any role.
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My father just passed. I only got to take 4 days off to travel and attend his funeral. Everyone kept asking "why are you here?" at work. I'm HERE because otherwise, I'll be out of a damn job. They don't treat us like humans. HUMANS don't treat us like HUMANS smh
At least at my job, we're allowed to donate PTO to another employee who needs it. One of my former coworkers suffered from a genetic heart condition. She was hospitalized several times and ran out of her own PTO, so we all donated to her so she didn't lose her job. Unfortunately, she passed away.
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It seems the gap thing is always about blaming the potential employee. I had a 7-year gap because I just could not find work after the Great Recession. (And yes, feeling depressed and worthless was a factor - the more gap there was, the less employers would give me a chance, making it worse.) I had to move states and take a different kind of job to break the cycle.
My 20 year old son committed suicide. I moved back in with my estranged husband, babysat a new grandson for 5 years. Took online college classes during those 5 years. I waited until I could answer the gap in my employment history without crying before interviewing. I applied for 247 jobs over 9 months before someone overlooked the employment gap and took a chance on me. My career has skyrocketed! Yes. It takes anti depressants and years to be normal again. So sorry for your loss. Bless you for caring for your niece ❤️
So very sorry for your loss. No parents should have to endure this, but good that you had a home and family.
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They have every right to ask about the gap in the resume but they should have just accepted the answer the op gave and left it at that. When they pushed is when the interviewers became rude and unprofessional.
I had an almost 5 year gap before my current job. lack of jobs, CANCER, then Covid. When I got the interview for my current job, they didn't ask, went by my job history and experience. All good 2 yrs later, I got a double bonus this past round.
Congratulations🎉 after all that you deserved a little luck!
Load More Replies... It's not a gap in the resume, it's just a certain period of time where someone didn't earn money or wasn't employed.
This is absolutely correct. The OP was working on life. In her update she says she also became a guardian to her sibling's child!
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There are to many incompetent people doing interviews these days. Most go off a script some HR genius came up with and never end up hiring the right person for a job. Consider this a lesson on interviewing with the wrong people. People who should have been seen, not heard.
My heart breaks reading this. Ill admit, post pandemic there were a TON of people hired into recruiting that should have never been (i have been doing this for 10+ years) and that's why we have the problems we have now, like with what OP dealt with. But not all of us are like this, there are a number of recruiters I know that fight tooth and nail for their candidates
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Why care about gaps at all, he's there now wanting to work. I have a 16 year gap because depression and I feel doomed...
I'm so sorry. I struggle with my mental health, too. I genuinely feel there's a lid for every pot and the right employer will come along for you.
Load More Replies... They should have been prepared for the gap in the resume question. I would have written down (for myself) prepared answers for the scenario. But even with that, you can still be taken unawares. During Covid I lost my home, my mum, my partner and my father just between November 2019 and May 2021. Some of my precious cats too. I have No family left. It is horrible when I meet people who knew them and ask about them and I have to say they're dead, then usually they're all dead again because the person is too shocked to take it in. Me too mate, me too 😞
I'm so sorry. Like the OP, that's so much loss for one one person. To lose your cats, too. Pets bring you comfort, it's losing a beloved friend. My grandmother lost her husband and both parents, suddenly, all within in six weeks of each other. I never knew her before but apparently, it changed her.
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The interviewer probably felt a bucket load of embarrassment and shame, but instead of admitting to it and apologizing doubled down and tried to off the responsibility for thier FUp onto the bereaved. Grow up idiot. How about the interviewer learn to be more tactful and to read the room. What kind of awful are you? I have learned one thing in my work experience, lying about certain things is a ok. None of their business.
Agree. It's just childish to double down like that and compound the mistake. Being able to admit you're wrong is a sign of wisdom and maturity. Nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes.
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Wow, just wow. Not only grieving but then adjusting to the roll of parent while grieving and helping this other person through the loss of a parent. Dang, talk about a full plate. You handled it better than me, I would have gotten up and either walked out or told him where to shove it. Then written a letter to the owner telling them they can tell their managers where to shove it.
Grief hits people differently. It is possible that the manager was concerned that if OP lost a loved one whilst in employment with them, they might require a similar about of time off next time they lost a close relative/loved one. That, however, does not excuse their comment that it doesn't justify a 9 month gap. At that point, for all they knew, OP could have been the carer for someone with a terminal condition before they died and been physically & emotionally exhausted, or they could have witnessed a violent event which preceded the loss...
Still doesn't give the manager a free pass to be a compassionless mangy git.
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I have a few words about that person, but BP would censor them all. Ducking hunt.
If you dont understand the reasoning for the question you never will understand why thats why you arent the boss
To the people who are saying that a gap in a resume is the hiring companies' business, I vehemently disagree. We need to normalize choices when it comes to employment, including not being employed at all, and my personal life is none of your effin business.
You should really call that recruiter up and tell him to pound sand. You were not out of line, the interviewer was. They asked a question, you gave a rather detailed answer in my opinion. For them to make a comment like that was horribly unprofessional. And for the recruiter to call you up and shame you for clarifying your previously thorough statement because of the interviewers inappropriate behavior is unacceptable in every conceivable way. I would call and ask for his supervisor and report his behavior. No one should ever have to deal with that kind of degrading attitude. Please take care of yourself.
Resume gaps are irrelevant. Ask what you really want to know...were you in jail for the gap? If the answer is no, move on. If it is yes, there will probably be follow up questions...I have gaps for all kinds of reasons. None of them are "bad" or relevant. Injury. Care of a relative. Freelancing. Travel. I am a stellar employee. What I was doing when I wasn't working is nunya.
My deepest condolences. I lost my son in a car accident. My work told me I was off too long cause I was off 3 months. I didn’t take care of myself and listened to them and went back. Later on I just broke down and was off again for several months. Take care of yourself don. It’s a major loss and if they ask a question they really should expect an answer. It was definitely them who were out of line. My thoughts and prayers are with you
First: the concern for gaps in resume is s****y as it says "unless you work until you die you aren't a good worker". Second: while they do have a right to ask about it if they must...they should NOT have pressed if OP didn't feel comfortable responding OR should have just accepted a loss of family. Them saying "9 months is too long to grieve" is s****y plan n simple
Why TF are this americans so obsessed with damn resume gap? I wanted to rest after stresfull period! I wanted to travel world for a year! I wanted to spend time with kids! Jesus christ, why do managers in USA expect people to work their a** off from 18-67 with no stopping for even 3 months
Because, we Americans live in a capitalist society where corporations make all the rules and lobbyists buy votes. My husband works for a company that has non-profit tax status. We live on site, he's on call 24/7, we still have to pay rent and utilities and our rent has gone up $100 a year since they bought the facility, because of "inflation." Really?! Inflation?! We don't see that inflation in his his paycheck. We can't even afford healthcare or a car. Basic necessities. He's 63 with a heart condition and I'm in my 40s with lupus. I'm not talking s*"t about my country. I'm just saying, we're expected to work ourselves to death.
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Imagine telling someone that their grief should have no bearing on their job performance, and then playing the victim when that someone tells you that they were in fact grieving the loss of practically their entire bloodline.
The room went "quite." I've said it before, I'll say it again: Can't BP hire an 8th-grader to PROOFREAD THIS SITE?
They just copy -paste what the original Reddit poster wrote.
Load More Replies... The only justification I could see for companies asking questions about that "gap in your resume" is they want to make sure you weren't in jail or something.
They were worried she turned to d***s or alcohol when she was grieving. Totally inappropriate to keep following the line of questioning, though. I really hope she got a lawyer to help her navigate the financial issues that came with losing her family. Her niece alone is entitled to her parents' survivor's benefits and I hope there was an insurance settlement.
They asked about the gap. You explained it was due to grief, they then had the nerve to suggest there was, what?, a set calendar of grieving time? You explained why. You didn't swear, shout, or behave in any way unprofessionally. They felt bad. Tough. Perhaps they will improve their interview technique in the future. Getting in touch and telling you that you shouldn't have said that was another smack in the face. Totally unnecessary. Sincere condolences to you and your niece.
He put them in their place and they didn't like it.
Load More Replies... If the recruiter was in the room w/ the hiring manager, they are in house and not getting a "bounty" (source: recruited both in house and agency)
Load More Replies... In 2024, when the world is still recovering from literally millions of people dying (most unnecessarily) from a pandemic, these recruiters and others don't understand people having to take time off for their losses? Pandemic-related or not? We have learned absolutely nothing. Plus, the OP added that she became a guardian to her deceased sibling's child. In a just world, OP should be at home, helping the child and herself recover.
Tragedy either makes people a better person or a worse person.
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"OUT OF LINE"? In other words, YOU are being blamed for making them feel uncomfortable. That asinine prat was the one out of line for his callous comment. If that's any consolation, they showed their true colours and gave you an inkling or what kind of slave-driving bosses they are. In these post-pandemic, personel shortages days, you can do better than that. You dodged a builet IMHO.
They actually did you a favor. If that question hadn't come up, you might have ended by working for that gang of sociopaths. I'm sorry they upset you so much, but at least it was over and done with relatively quickly. If you'd taken the job and become dependent on their paychecks, it might have been years before you were able to free yourself. Congratulations on dodging that bullet!
NeatherDepth5290, First, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Second, the recruiter has no sense of empathy. I belive he or she is a robot at best. He or she has no boundaries, thus he or she thinks this was ok, which was so way out of line, that I think it's by Pluto. That person reverted that douche bags awwfulness to you hun. Do not take that s**t. Third, your grandparents were wrong. The old guard thinks this behavior is but wasn't acceptable period in that ye' time and now. We are much more aware of boundaries, emotions, and our souls. If the pandemic didn't wake that f**k tard up nothing will. Lastly, you were definitely appropriate. Your blood boiled and my reaction was akin. Please leave a comment on linked in or any format as to who is at the helm of that porous job. People push people over the edge and wonder why they snap, because of a*****e like them. Good for you and I'm proud of you for having a spine. The depth of loss, is =to the ❤ we had for them. Grieve my ❤️.
I had a large gap in my cv. When asked why I told them that I was looking after my dying parents. I looked them in their eyes and I refuse to apologizing for my time off. If you take time off between jobs to do personal things it doesn't make you a bad employee, it makes you a person who can live without being overly tide to a company. They don't like that.... pity because we actually don't have to be their slaves. If we refuse to take their c**p they'll eventually learn
It wasn't just grieving a horrific loss, though. Besides wiping out her entire family (in a terribly traumatic fashion that could have left the OP with PTSD, particularly with how close OP came to riding with them), OP had to transition sister's child to live with OP and boyfriend, AND help said child cope with the loss of her only parent. That's a whole other level of stuff to deal with. I do think employers will want to know. But it can be as simple as I lost my family to a drunk driver and had to assist my niece in coping with the loss of her mother and coming to live with me. (All of a sudden, 9 months seems entirely reasonable.)
I had a neighbor kill my dog that I loved more than anything, out of spite. Not only did I cry every day for 9 months, until I finally said, OK give me the pils, but I dropped out of the pHD program I was in as I found it impossible to study organic chemistry in the depths of my grief. The silver lining is that I eventually had a religious revelation where I realized that grief is a mental construct and it was all in my mind; my grief changed nothing. Then I blocked it off as I basically never thought about my dog again.
A personal gap in your resume is no one else's business. NTA. You dodged a bullet skipping this apparently toxic work environment.
who even cares about being an arsehole or not, that person went through trauma and grief, and if the interviewers were insensitive enough to push the subject, the OP is fair to gve it to them
A gap in your resume shouldn't be a part of the qualifications review for a position, what should be is whether or not you have the skill set or not for the position. Call it a blessing that you didn't actually return to work for that company as that kind of pressing during an interview is not only unethical but I believe perhaps illegal as it is asking for the person interviewed to disclose and expand on confidential medical history.
I'm finding of late that alot of articles on Bored panda insufficiently address the situations they report on. I presume that the interviewee was unemployed during COVID & gained employment afterwards, which was the job held at the time of the interview. Personally, think the interviewee dodged a bullet if senior management are going to make assumptions without asking for further information. IMHO, the room went quiet out of shock that the senior manager had obviously f***ed up with their appalling comment. Constance Johnson sounds like she was such an ineffective employee she had to start her own company - to say the answer was wrong shows the lack of compassion & EQ that one would expect to find in a corporate psociopath. The points she mentioned may be valid, but like the senior manager shows a total lack of understanding that everyone is different. Perhaps Constance was hatched, not born & is therefore unable to empathise with the interviewee. (If I'm correct & she was hatched, it's highly likely Constance ate her mother shortly after exiting the shell.) I'd hate to see the calibre of management coached by Constance, but even Pol Pot required minions & henchmen, so maybe there is a need for some to be coached by Constance. For the recruiter to contact the interviewee and make those comments show that - in my opinion - a s**t company engages a s**t recruiter to fill a position paying 30% more because noone wants to work for such a shtty company or Hitler's reincarnation. Can the authors (and I use the term very very loosely - to describe the interviewee's response with "snap back" seems to confirm 1000 monkeys with 1000 typewriters could actually generate something coherent & interesting) please change the sentence under the article title to accurately reflect who they sought opinion from - Interview with Expert is obviously totally incorrect. [*I could have worded my entire comment differently, and maintained a neutral tone but chose to use words reflecting my OPINION and PERSPECTIVE, in such a style that reflects the recruiter, the senior manager & the authors.] EDIT: Curiously, it was of no concern in the previous 2 interviews to broach the subject, one would think itt's irrelevvant if it wasn't queried until the third & final round of interviews. And what a useless recruiter to not anticipate the question & seek advice from the interviewee.The only professional in the room was the person being interviewed!
“Sociopath” doesn’t have “p”….proofread, , Nathan!
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Hard NTA. The fact that someone was so disgustingly unprofessional as to say 9 months is too much time, and then for that sub human recruiting trash to pile on.. no they asked and were answered. At that point they should have walked out, and tell them when you're entire family is killed by a drunk p.o.s. they can talk again. Ans then spread the company's name and that filth recruiter's name to everyone.
There's places you can leave reviews about employers. I definitely would. At that point, it's just bullying the interviewee.
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Nobody. Gets. To. Dictate. Grieving. The POS "interviewer" crossed the line of basic human decency. I would be filing a lawsuit - mental abuse for the insult, AND for the lost income from not taking the job.
The interesting thing reading some of the reddit comments are that no one looks at it from an employer POV. Yes the reply is pretty heartless, but looking at it from their perspective they want an employee who works for them *most* of the time. Imagine hiring a person and within a few months a family member dies and they're gone for 9 months. Yes, it's callous, but the boss is thinking "damn if something goes wrong she's just going to vanish and I need to find someone else". I do think there is a better way to handle that though.
I would think that - in your example - the employer would have the intelligence & compassion after the bereavement period had past to contact the employee to enquirwe on their physical & mental well-being & try to determine whether the employee may require another week away from work or can advise of an approximate timeframe of when they'll return to work. If they can't, backfill the position with a temp/labour-hire. It's not just the employee that is required to have a brain, and management get a free pass to be a brainless git.
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I am legally prevented from discussing that gap due to an NDA. Go pound sand.
There's a recruiter that's been commenting that addressed that. There's repercussions to claiming that if it's not true.
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You lack a heck of a lot of empathy to not realize that the loss of someone's entire family might trigger extreme emotions. Especially when the question is in the third interview, unexpected, and honestly not relevant. Justifying inappropriate behavior by attacking reasonable reactions to the inappropriate behavior is pretty gross.
Load More Replies... This whole "gap in your resume" thing is sinister af overall... it's like saying you're worthless if you don't devote your entire life to working. I'm not 100% sure but I think we don't even do that here in Europe.
Ice had gaps in mine and its only been questioned once. I'm in Europe also. I've always been prepared for it to be asked though and where i was asked it was a simple short answer I gave and it caused no issues I got the role.
Load More Replies... Speaking as a recruiter, this story infuriates me. Asking about a gap is reasonable. We do it all the time (at least in the pre-pandemic days, not so much anymore unless it deals with security issues). But after he said he was grieving the loss of family. That should have been full stop- next question (and also, it should have been asked earlier on than a 3rd round interview) What REALLLY makes me go "WT ever loving F" Is the phone call from the recruiter, which is REALLY out of line. Thank god he didn't take this job, they obviously are looking for drones and don't care about their people at all. Totally NTA.
To add: why I said it should be a full stop, move to the next question: He said he was grieving loss of family. You are dangerously close to getting into medical/hippa issues. TBH I think if they declined to give him an offer, he would have grounds to contest it and win because of the continuing questioning path AND the phone call from the recruiter that was unprofessional as hell
Load More Replies... Having to explain "gaps" in your resume is as unnecessary as it is stupid. What if I simply needed some time to unwind and catch my breath? Who said that we have to work 24/7 like some brainless cogs in a machine?
Oh but that’s the thing, these soulless companies want you to work 24/7 and have no life of your own. So if they see a hint that you’re maybe a human and not a cog in the machine, then it’s a red flag for them being unable to exploit you relentlessly.
Load More Replies... I'd ask the recruiter "Please explain this life-long gap in your soul."
As a recruiter, in this case i 100000000% agree with you
Load More Replies... My partner had a worker who lost his little son, suddenly. A very much wanted and little boy. It's been a few years now, and he still hasn't recovered. It's basically destroyed him. Who's business is it to tell anybody how sad you should be or for how long. I imagine if that had been me, I would be totally devastated.
Companies really need to stop hiring psychopaths for management.
Load More Replies... 1. Nobody should be asking you about gaps in your resume. It's none of their goddamn business. An interviewer who asks you about such a gap is in the wrong already. Frankly, the candidate would have been within her entire rights to say, "That is personal information," and if they pushed it to say, "Your question is inappropriate for an interview." 2. Once the candidate said it was bereavement, the interviewer should have shut tf up IMMEDIATELY. everybody's mental health is their business and theirs alone, not their employers'. He was ASKING for this response, and that the recruiter would have the GALL to complain about the candidate's response is... I'm nearly apoplectic I'm so angry lol
"Was it because you had Covid?" Answer: That is an illegal question in a job interview. "Death of a loved one is no excuse." Answer: What a ghoulish response. Thank you for your time. Good bye.
I always answer questions about gaps with" I would love to talk to you about it, but I have signed an NDA, and I am not looking into getting into legal issues with my previous employer."
Recruiter here: please don't do that unless you have the actual NDA. It can be called out for you to produce the NDA (legally, it could be required to produce it if offered a job). Plus us recruiters know people are using that as a BS excuse. I have gaps in my resume. My answer? "I held a position outside the industry that was not relevant to this posting" (which is true, Bartending really doesn't hold water for example for an HR job). "I was laid off an the market at the time was horrific for this type of work" (also true, esp. in the housing crash)
Load More Replies... We have all had to work with someone that probably NEEDED a work gap. It's much better to take the time to deal with your s**t and return back to the workplace when you're ready. Working during times when you really need to rest, heal, or grieve, just makes you an unproductive employee, and probably difficult to work with.
I get the gap issue in certain industries. But the way of going about it isn't "why weren't you working" it should be more like "in what ways were you keeping up with industry shifts?"
Maybe if it's five years and they are just coming back, but not 9 months, and OP has been working for 4 years since. Honestly it's not at all relevant if they're in the third interview. Especially given all the evidence suggesting that most interviews don't actually help the hiring process. It's all garbage to make psychopaths and narcissists feel powerful. Also: I think the 9 months off made them think pregnancy. It was a sneaky way to ask (more) illegal questions.
Load More Replies... I have a 20 year gap in my résumé because the 1st 10 years I took care of my elderly parents and their property, and after they died, I moved to another country and took care of my in-laws who were suffering from multiple health issues until their deaths. And I explain this in my letter of motivation, but most employers just look at the CV and the discrepancy of time and dismiss the applicant. I'm one of the most loyal employees according to my CV-15 years loyal to one medical office, but I haven't "worked" outside taking care of my family for 20 years, so, I'm nothing.
Recruiter here- even when a CV is required, most recruiters don't read it. I would suggest (if you haven't) on your resume update it to "Caregiver" with the years in question. You can also list out what you did (i.e. handled finances for elderly inlaws" etc) which would be relevant in nearly any role.
Load More Replies... My father just passed. I only got to take 4 days off to travel and attend his funeral. Everyone kept asking "why are you here?" at work. I'm HERE because otherwise, I'll be out of a damn job. They don't treat us like humans. HUMANS don't treat us like HUMANS smh
At least at my job, we're allowed to donate PTO to another employee who needs it. One of my former coworkers suffered from a genetic heart condition. She was hospitalized several times and ran out of her own PTO, so we all donated to her so she didn't lose her job. Unfortunately, she passed away.
Load More Replies... It seems the gap thing is always about blaming the potential employee. I had a 7-year gap because I just could not find work after the Great Recession. (And yes, feeling depressed and worthless was a factor - the more gap there was, the less employers would give me a chance, making it worse.) I had to move states and take a different kind of job to break the cycle.
My 20 year old son committed suicide. I moved back in with my estranged husband, babysat a new grandson for 5 years. Took online college classes during those 5 years. I waited until I could answer the gap in my employment history without crying before interviewing. I applied for 247 jobs over 9 months before someone overlooked the employment gap and took a chance on me. My career has skyrocketed! Yes. It takes anti depressants and years to be normal again. So sorry for your loss. Bless you for caring for your niece ❤️
So very sorry for your loss. No parents should have to endure this, but good that you had a home and family.
Load More Replies... They have every right to ask about the gap in the resume but they should have just accepted the answer the op gave and left it at that. When they pushed is when the interviewers became rude and unprofessional.
I had an almost 5 year gap before my current job. lack of jobs, CANCER, then Covid. When I got the interview for my current job, they didn't ask, went by my job history and experience. All good 2 yrs later, I got a double bonus this past round.
Congratulations🎉 after all that you deserved a little luck!
Load More Replies... It's not a gap in the resume, it's just a certain period of time where someone didn't earn money or wasn't employed.
This is absolutely correct. The OP was working on life. In her update she says she also became a guardian to her sibling's child!
Load More Replies... There are to many incompetent people doing interviews these days. Most go off a script some HR genius came up with and never end up hiring the right person for a job. Consider this a lesson on interviewing with the wrong people. People who should have been seen, not heard.
My heart breaks reading this. Ill admit, post pandemic there were a TON of people hired into recruiting that should have never been (i have been doing this for 10+ years) and that's why we have the problems we have now, like with what OP dealt with. But not all of us are like this, there are a number of recruiters I know that fight tooth and nail for their candidates
Load More Replies... Why care about gaps at all, he's there now wanting to work. I have a 16 year gap because depression and I feel doomed...
I'm so sorry. I struggle with my mental health, too. I genuinely feel there's a lid for every pot and the right employer will come along for you.
Load More Replies... They should have been prepared for the gap in the resume question. I would have written down (for myself) prepared answers for the scenario. But even with that, you can still be taken unawares. During Covid I lost my home, my mum, my partner and my father just between November 2019 and May 2021. Some of my precious cats too. I have No family left. It is horrible when I meet people who knew them and ask about them and I have to say they're dead, then usually they're all dead again because the person is too shocked to take it in. Me too mate, me too 😞
I'm so sorry. Like the OP, that's so much loss for one one person. To lose your cats, too. Pets bring you comfort, it's losing a beloved friend. My grandmother lost her husband and both parents, suddenly, all within in six weeks of each other. I never knew her before but apparently, it changed her.
Load More Replies... The interviewer probably felt a bucket load of embarrassment and shame, but instead of admitting to it and apologizing doubled down and tried to off the responsibility for thier FUp onto the bereaved. Grow up idiot. How about the interviewer learn to be more tactful and to read the room. What kind of awful are you? I have learned one thing in my work experience, lying about certain things is a ok. None of their business.
Agree. It's just childish to double down like that and compound the mistake. Being able to admit you're wrong is a sign of wisdom and maturity. Nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes.
Load More Replies... Wow, just wow. Not only grieving but then adjusting to the roll of parent while grieving and helping this other person through the loss of a parent. Dang, talk about a full plate. You handled it better than me, I would have gotten up and either walked out or told him where to shove it. Then written a letter to the owner telling them they can tell their managers where to shove it.
Grief hits people differently. It is possible that the manager was concerned that if OP lost a loved one whilst in employment with them, they might require a similar about of time off next time they lost a close relative/loved one. That, however, does not excuse their comment that it doesn't justify a 9 month gap. At that point, for all they knew, OP could have been the carer for someone with a terminal condition before they died and been physically & emotionally exhausted, or they could have witnessed a violent event which preceded the loss...
Still doesn't give the manager a free pass to be a compassionless mangy git.
Load More Replies... I have a few words about that person, but BP would censor them all. Ducking hunt.
If you dont understand the reasoning for the question you never will understand why thats why you arent the boss
To the people who are saying that a gap in a resume is the hiring companies' business, I vehemently disagree. We need to normalize choices when it comes to employment, including not being employed at all, and my personal life is none of your effin business.
You should really call that recruiter up and tell him to pound sand. You were not out of line, the interviewer was. They asked a question, you gave a rather detailed answer in my opinion. For them to make a comment like that was horribly unprofessional. And for the recruiter to call you up and shame you for clarifying your previously thorough statement because of the interviewers inappropriate behavior is unacceptable in every conceivable way. I would call and ask for his supervisor and report his behavior. No one should ever have to deal with that kind of degrading attitude. Please take care of yourself.
Resume gaps are irrelevant. Ask what you really want to know...were you in jail for the gap? If the answer is no, move on. If it is yes, there will probably be follow up questions...I have gaps for all kinds of reasons. None of them are "bad" or relevant. Injury. Care of a relative. Freelancing. Travel. I am a stellar employee. What I was doing when I wasn't working is nunya.
My deepest condolences. I lost my son in a car accident. My work told me I was off too long cause I was off 3 months. I didn’t take care of myself and listened to them and went back. Later on I just broke down and was off again for several months. Take care of yourself don. It’s a major loss and if they ask a question they really should expect an answer. It was definitely them who were out of line. My thoughts and prayers are with you
First: the concern for gaps in resume is s****y as it says "unless you work until you die you aren't a good worker". Second: while they do have a right to ask about it if they must...they should NOT have pressed if OP didn't feel comfortable responding OR should have just accepted a loss of family. Them saying "9 months is too long to grieve" is s****y plan n simple
Why TF are this americans so obsessed with damn resume gap? I wanted to rest after stresfull period! I wanted to travel world for a year! I wanted to spend time with kids! Jesus christ, why do managers in USA expect people to work their a** off from 18-67 with no stopping for even 3 months
Because, we Americans live in a capitalist society where corporations make all the rules and lobbyists buy votes. My husband works for a company that has non-profit tax status. We live on site, he's on call 24/7, we still have to pay rent and utilities and our rent has gone up $100 a year since they bought the facility, because of "inflation." Really?! Inflation?! We don't see that inflation in his his paycheck. We can't even afford healthcare or a car. Basic necessities. He's 63 with a heart condition and I'm in my 40s with lupus. I'm not talking s*"t about my country. I'm just saying, we're expected to work ourselves to death.
Load More Replies... Imagine telling someone that their grief should have no bearing on their job performance, and then playing the victim when that someone tells you that they were in fact grieving the loss of practically their entire bloodline.
The room went "quite." I've said it before, I'll say it again: Can't BP hire an 8th-grader to PROOFREAD THIS SITE?
They just copy -paste what the original Reddit poster wrote.
Load More Replies... The only justification I could see for companies asking questions about that "gap in your resume" is they want to make sure you weren't in jail or something.
They were worried she turned to d***s or alcohol when she was grieving. Totally inappropriate to keep following the line of questioning, though. I really hope she got a lawyer to help her navigate the financial issues that came with losing her family. Her niece alone is entitled to her parents' survivor's benefits and I hope there was an insurance settlement.
They asked about the gap. You explained it was due to grief, they then had the nerve to suggest there was, what?, a set calendar of grieving time? You explained why. You didn't swear, shout, or behave in any way unprofessionally. They felt bad. Tough. Perhaps they will improve their interview technique in the future. Getting in touch and telling you that you shouldn't have said that was another smack in the face. Totally unnecessary. Sincere condolences to you and your niece.
He put them in their place and they didn't like it.
Load More Replies... If the recruiter was in the room w/ the hiring manager, they are in house and not getting a "bounty" (source: recruited both in house and agency)
Load More Replies... In 2024, when the world is still recovering from literally millions of people dying (most unnecessarily) from a pandemic, these recruiters and others don't understand people having to take time off for their losses? Pandemic-related or not? We have learned absolutely nothing. Plus, the OP added that she became a guardian to her deceased sibling's child. In a just world, OP should be at home, helping the child and herself recover.
Tragedy either makes people a better person or a worse person.
Load More Replies... "OUT OF LINE"? In other words, YOU are being blamed for making them feel uncomfortable. That asinine prat was the one out of line for his callous comment. If that's any consolation, they showed their true colours and gave you an inkling or what kind of slave-driving bosses they are. In these post-pandemic, personel shortages days, you can do better than that. You dodged a builet IMHO.
They actually did you a favor. If that question hadn't come up, you might have ended by working for that gang of sociopaths. I'm sorry they upset you so much, but at least it was over and done with relatively quickly. If you'd taken the job and become dependent on their paychecks, it might have been years before you were able to free yourself. Congratulations on dodging that bullet!
NeatherDepth5290, First, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Second, the recruiter has no sense of empathy. I belive he or she is a robot at best. He or she has no boundaries, thus he or she thinks this was ok, which was so way out of line, that I think it's by Pluto. That person reverted that douche bags awwfulness to you hun. Do not take that s**t. Third, your grandparents were wrong. The old guard thinks this behavior is but wasn't acceptable period in that ye' time and now. We are much more aware of boundaries, emotions, and our souls. If the pandemic didn't wake that f**k tard up nothing will. Lastly, you were definitely appropriate. Your blood boiled and my reaction was akin. Please leave a comment on linked in or any format as to who is at the helm of that porous job. People push people over the edge and wonder why they snap, because of a*****e like them. Good for you and I'm proud of you for having a spine. The depth of loss, is =to the ❤ we had for them. Grieve my ❤️.
I had a large gap in my cv. When asked why I told them that I was looking after my dying parents. I looked them in their eyes and I refuse to apologizing for my time off. If you take time off between jobs to do personal things it doesn't make you a bad employee, it makes you a person who can live without being overly tide to a company. They don't like that.... pity because we actually don't have to be their slaves. If we refuse to take their c**p they'll eventually learn
It wasn't just grieving a horrific loss, though. Besides wiping out her entire family (in a terribly traumatic fashion that could have left the OP with PTSD, particularly with how close OP came to riding with them), OP had to transition sister's child to live with OP and boyfriend, AND help said child cope with the loss of her only parent. That's a whole other level of stuff to deal with. I do think employers will want to know. But it can be as simple as I lost my family to a drunk driver and had to assist my niece in coping with the loss of her mother and coming to live with me. (All of a sudden, 9 months seems entirely reasonable.)
I had a neighbor kill my dog that I loved more than anything, out of spite. Not only did I cry every day for 9 months, until I finally said, OK give me the pils, but I dropped out of the pHD program I was in as I found it impossible to study organic chemistry in the depths of my grief. The silver lining is that I eventually had a religious revelation where I realized that grief is a mental construct and it was all in my mind; my grief changed nothing. Then I blocked it off as I basically never thought about my dog again.
A personal gap in your resume is no one else's business. NTA. You dodged a bullet skipping this apparently toxic work environment.
who even cares about being an arsehole or not, that person went through trauma and grief, and if the interviewers were insensitive enough to push the subject, the OP is fair to gve it to them
A gap in your resume shouldn't be a part of the qualifications review for a position, what should be is whether or not you have the skill set or not for the position. Call it a blessing that you didn't actually return to work for that company as that kind of pressing during an interview is not only unethical but I believe perhaps illegal as it is asking for the person interviewed to disclose and expand on confidential medical history.
I'm finding of late that alot of articles on Bored panda insufficiently address the situations they report on. I presume that the interviewee was unemployed during COVID & gained employment afterwards, which was the job held at the time of the interview. Personally, think the interviewee dodged a bullet if senior management are going to make assumptions without asking for further information. IMHO, the room went quiet out of shock that the senior manager had obviously f***ed up with their appalling comment. Constance Johnson sounds like she was such an ineffective employee she had to start her own company - to say the answer was wrong shows the lack of compassion & EQ that one would expect to find in a corporate psociopath. The points she mentioned may be valid, but like the senior manager shows a total lack of understanding that everyone is different. Perhaps Constance was hatched, not born & is therefore unable to empathise with the interviewee. (If I'm correct & she was hatched, it's highly likely Constance ate her mother shortly after exiting the shell.) I'd hate to see the calibre of management coached by Constance, but even Pol Pot required minions & henchmen, so maybe there is a need for some to be coached by Constance. For the recruiter to contact the interviewee and make those comments show that - in my opinion - a s**t company engages a s**t recruiter to fill a position paying 30% more because noone wants to work for such a shtty company or Hitler's reincarnation. Can the authors (and I use the term very very loosely - to describe the interviewee's response with "snap back" seems to confirm 1000 monkeys with 1000 typewriters could actually generate something coherent & interesting) please change the sentence under the article title to accurately reflect who they sought opinion from - Interview with Expert is obviously totally incorrect. [*I could have worded my entire comment differently, and maintained a neutral tone but chose to use words reflecting my OPINION and PERSPECTIVE, in such a style that reflects the recruiter, the senior manager & the authors.] EDIT: Curiously, it was of no concern in the previous 2 interviews to broach the subject, one would think itt's irrelevvant if it wasn't queried until the third & final round of interviews. And what a useless recruiter to not anticipate the question & seek advice from the interviewee.The only professional in the room was the person being interviewed!
“Sociopath” doesn’t have “p”….proofread, , Nathan!
Load More Replies... Hard NTA. The fact that someone was so disgustingly unprofessional as to say 9 months is too much time, and then for that sub human recruiting trash to pile on.. no they asked and were answered. At that point they should have walked out, and tell them when you're entire family is killed by a drunk p.o.s. they can talk again. Ans then spread the company's name and that filth recruiter's name to everyone.
There's places you can leave reviews about employers. I definitely would. At that point, it's just bullying the interviewee.
Load More Replies... Nobody. Gets. To. Dictate. Grieving. The POS "interviewer" crossed the line of basic human decency. I would be filing a lawsuit - mental abuse for the insult, AND for the lost income from not taking the job.
The interesting thing reading some of the reddit comments are that no one looks at it from an employer POV. Yes the reply is pretty heartless, but looking at it from their perspective they want an employee who works for them *most* of the time. Imagine hiring a person and within a few months a family member dies and they're gone for 9 months. Yes, it's callous, but the boss is thinking "damn if something goes wrong she's just going to vanish and I need to find someone else". I do think there is a better way to handle that though.
I would think that - in your example - the employer would have the intelligence & compassion after the bereavement period had past to contact the employee to enquirwe on their physical & mental well-being & try to determine whether the employee may require another week away from work or can advise of an approximate timeframe of when they'll return to work. If they can't, backfill the position with a temp/labour-hire. It's not just the employee that is required to have a brain, and management get a free pass to be a brainless git.
Load More Replies... I am legally prevented from discussing that gap due to an NDA. Go pound sand.
There's a recruiter that's been commenting that addressed that. There's repercussions to claiming that if it's not true.
Load More Replies... You lack a heck of a lot of empathy to not realize that the loss of someone's entire family might trigger extreme emotions. Especially when the question is in the third interview, unexpected, and honestly not relevant. Justifying inappropriate behavior by attacking reasonable reactions to the inappropriate behavior is pretty gross.
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