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GF Loses It After BF Doesn’t Tell Her He Arrived At Work, Folks Online Are Horrified
Interview With ExpertStrong relationships are built on trust and honesty. If one partner seems to have done everything right and has given the other person no reason to doubt, then there should be no problems at all. That would be ideal, but sometimes insecurities creep in and ruin even the best relationships.
This is what happened to a guy whose toxic girlfriend needed to know exactly where he was at every moment. The one time he forgot to text her, she blew up at him and immediately thought he was having an affair.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Some people let their past trauma control their feelings to such an extent that it ruins their ability to trust others completely
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guy had gone to work and dressed up in a simple costume for a Halloween competition that was being held there
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: Daniel Korpai / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Around 40 minutes after reaching work, his girlfriend demanded to know why he hadn’t told her he had reached, and somehow, she took that as evidence of his cheating
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man was shocked by his girlfriend’s assumptions and said that he had never cheated on her and that she might be acting that way due to her borderline personality disorder
Image credits: FlyHighHarambe
The poster said that it’s hard to break up with her because they live together, and she kept threatening to take her own life when he tried ending their relationship before
The OP and his partner have only been in a relationship for 8 months. Within such a short span, the woman has kept tabs on him and lashed out for the pettiest of reasons. As the guy explained, her past trauma could be one of the reasons why she feels so insecure and keeps demanding to know where exactly he is at all times.
It’s difficult to know exactly why insecurity flares up like this and how to deal with it in an appropriate way. That’s why Bored Panda contacted Dr. Jodi Aman, a psychotherapist who shares trauma-informed mental health advice to educators, counselors, parents, and teens.
Dr. Jodi explained that “many contexts can encourage insecurity in a relationship. For example, it could be betrayal or rejection from a past relationship that carries over, or it could be from how the person is being treated in this relationship that makes them question their worth and value as a person and as a partner.”
“Perhaps the person cheated in the past or broke up with them and came back. Both scenarios are hard to overcome, even if the person wants the relationship to work out. Intrusive thoughts about the other person cheating can feel like premonitions when they come, out of fear of it happening again.”
When netizens asked the OP if he had done anything to break his girlfriend’s trust, he clarified that he had never had an affair. In fact, he had deleted all women from his contacts just to prove to his partner that he wasn’t cheating.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even though the man know how toxic his relationship had become, he feels like it wouldn’t be easy to end things with his girlfriend. She is already dealing with a severe mental health condition called borderline personality disorder (BPD) and has also threatened to harm herself if he broke up with her. If all this weren’t the case, maybe he would have already found other ways to work things out.
Dr. Jodi Aman explained that “if the insecurity comes from the past, the partner can be patient and understanding, demonstrating their difference from the last person who hurt them. That would go far to healing the situation. Often, with a better relationship, the insecurity goes away.”
“However, getting support when insecure accusations become repetitive can be essential to making a relationship last.” She also explained that if the other partner is the cause of the insecurity, then “they would have to choose to work on their own issues. Many people don’t make this choice, [and they get] defensive, gaslight, and withdraw, thereby perpetuating the situation.”
It seems like no matter what the OP does, his girlfriend keeps finding fault with him. For their relationship to have any chance of surviving, she would first have to work on her trust issues and attachment style before anything else.
What would you advise the guy to do in a situation like this?
Folks were worried about the poster and told him to end things with his girlfriend immediately
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What do you think ?
Sunny Day 1 year ago
Next time she threatens to kill herself, call 911/999 and have her put on a psych hold. That will give you time to move out and to somewhere far, far away.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I wouldn't usually advocate this but its way past his pay grade of duty or care to keep her alive. Get her parents involved as well. Get help for yourself, this is toxic and will scar you for life. She needs help, but it won't come from you, she'll do something stupid anyway because she needs to be in serious therapy if she is cutting herself to emotionally blackmail you.
Load More Replies...
arthbach 1 year ago
Threatening to kill yourself if a relationship ends is just another form of abuse. This woman is already abusing him in so many ways, and he has become numb to it. It's just his every day life. This guy needs to escape. If she does decide to kill herself, that is her decision, not his.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago
Ghost her. Act normal, prepare a way out, then leave a note saying “you are abusive. I am leaving. If you can’t handle it call [suicide hotline].”
Michael Davison 1 year ago
As someone who went through 17 years of arguments before divorcing, please, please x please end this abusive relationship as soon as possible. Work out an exit plan and make it happen.
Gwyn 1 year ago (edited)
She got him to stay once by cutting herself so she knows it works. He needs to move out while she's at work and leave her a note, block her and change his phone number so she can't contact him, and let her family know he's leaving and that she might be suicidal. He shouldn't let her continue to abuse him. That's all he needs to do. He's not responsible for his abuser.
CBolt 1 year ago (edited)
Really can't understand how any kind of relationship would have come about in the 1st place.
Load More Replies...
Kathy Richardson 1 year ago
She's nuts and not going to get better without some serious help. Unless you are absolutely committed to the time, expense, probably frequent and many set backs, you should probably end things. This sounds exactly like my sister. She was finally diagnosed as a bi-polar schizophrenic and it took YEARS just to get her medication right.
G Bono 1 year ago
Not all mental health conditions are the same and someone who has BPD is on a level that most are simply not equipped to handle. OP is far too young to fully grasp the extent of this particular diagnosis has and how there is nothing he can do to help her. She has severe abandonment issues that are not always grounded in any reality. She will push him away to test him and then lose it if he moves an inch. Threatening self harm is horrible for all involved, but if she really meant to to do it, she would have waited until OP was not in the house. I'm not being cruel, I spent too much time staying with someone with BPD. There is no cure and it doesn't get better. Sorry to say it, but for OP's benefit, he should go now. These texts seem unhinged because she is and it really doesn't get better
Jacquie Carr 1 year ago
Call her family to be there when you tell her in private that you're leaving; if she has no family near, call the police
Me. Just Me. 1 year ago
She desperately needs help. Even with BPD, this kind of behavior is irrational. OP should look at getting her some kind of psychiatric help but it may require some sort of monitoring or restraint, because she's not going to do it on her own. It's definitely not a relationship that either of them are committed to, but he needs to get out from under her control.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
*Holds up lantern ala Bray Wyatt* Brother OP, RUN!!! *Blows out lantern*
Mark Childers 1 year ago
Why do people move in together so quickly before they get to see the crazy?
Philly Bob 1 year ago
You just slip out the back, Jack, Make a new plan, Stan, You don't need to be coy, Roy, Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus, You don't need to discuss much, Just drop off the key, Lee, And get yourself free. - Paul Simon (This guy should listen to him!)
K. LNU 1 year ago
8 months and they are living together? Most of the time I say to each their own. But the threatening to unalive herself and trying to prove it by cutting is unhinged. She needs more help than OP can give her. We all have past trauma, but this... wow. I agree with the people who said OP is in an abusive relationship.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
This is abuse. Threatening suicide if you break up is abuse. Break up with her and get a 72 hour psych hold if she threatens suicide. Call an ambulance and leave while she’s in the hospital.
CBolt 1 year ago (edited)
You ABSOLUTELY KNOW it's not normal for one partner to have to know where the other is at all times! & The screenshots of the text showed just how irrational she is. I was shocked to realize, from other people's comments, that she isn't in therapy! She must have been at one time or she wouldn't know she has BPD - or has she ever actually been diagnosed? But you have to get out of there & have no contact with her ever again. Make your arrangements for another place to live & for moving. Tell her you're breaking up because 1) You cannot be with someone who doesn't trust you & expects to know where you are every minute of the day. You have never given her any reason not to trust you & if somebody cheated on her in the past that has nothing to do with you. She should get professional help for dealing with past trauma & with her trust issues; 2) You can't be with somebody who threatens suicide as a way to control you. If she is having suicidal thoughts she should call a suicide hotline or go to an ER. If she decides she wants to commit suicide, that's strictly her decision & you will not blame yourself for it;; 3) You're not able to deal with or help someone who has BPD & can't be expected to. She needs to find professional mental health care. And, yes, it's going to be a miserable, horrible event, drana, hysterics, & the suicide threat. When that starts, call 911. (She needs more than a 72-hr hold - she needs to be hospitalized. If her parents are in the picture, let them know what's taken place . & Move out. With no further contact - block her. Warning: If she doesn't get stabilized with professional help, she may become your stalker or cause all sorts of other problems for you. Be prepared to get the police involved & find an appropriate attorney you can call if it comes to that. I'm very sorry she has this condition but you can't help her or improve the situation. You deserve better but you're the only one who can make that happen. I'm surprised this relationship ever started - after being around her a few times it should have been obvious that something wasn't right & you didn't want to be involved with her. And there's nothing in your post that says anything positive abt her, nor is there any mention of love or affection between the 2 of you. You want, & need, to be out, & I think you know it. Have courage & do what needs to be done, for your own sake.
Justme 1 year ago
Her threatening to hurt herself could possibly be a cry for help rather than a genuine interest in hurting herself. Obviously she needs help, but people who genuinely mean to hurt themselves usually don’t tell anyone about their plans.
CBolt 1 year ago
It seems more a ploy to keep OP from breaking up with her.
Load More Replies...
Hellcaste's Wife 1 year ago
The question is, does she have Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder? Because I'm intimately acquainted with Borderline and that's exactly what it's like. It's emotional dysregulation, paranoia...I feel for them both.
Display_Name 1 year ago
BPD is not a scapegoat. She needs meds/new meds/new dosage. I’m in a long term relationship with someone that has BPD. He has moments. He has never been abusive to me. If I forget to text him when I get to work he’ll text me 30 min later asking if I’m ok. I’ve had a bad year for car accidents.
Sunny Day 1 year ago
Next time she threatens to kill herself, call 911/999 and have her put on a psych hold. That will give you time to move out and to somewhere far, far away.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I wouldn't usually advocate this but its way past his pay grade of duty or care to keep her alive. Get her parents involved as well. Get help for yourself, this is toxic and will scar you for life. She needs help, but it won't come from you, she'll do something stupid anyway because she needs to be in serious therapy if she is cutting herself to emotionally blackmail you.
Load More Replies... arthbach 1 year ago
Threatening to kill yourself if a relationship ends is just another form of abuse. This woman is already abusing him in so many ways, and he has become numb to it. It's just his every day life. This guy needs to escape. If she does decide to kill herself, that is her decision, not his.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago
Ghost her. Act normal, prepare a way out, then leave a note saying “you are abusive. I am leaving. If you can’t handle it call [suicide hotline].”
Michael Davison 1 year ago
As someone who went through 17 years of arguments before divorcing, please, please x please end this abusive relationship as soon as possible. Work out an exit plan and make it happen.
Gwyn 1 year ago (edited)
She got him to stay once by cutting herself so she knows it works. He needs to move out while she's at work and leave her a note, block her and change his phone number so she can't contact him, and let her family know he's leaving and that she might be suicidal. He shouldn't let her continue to abuse him. That's all he needs to do. He's not responsible for his abuser.
CBolt 1 year ago (edited)
Really can't understand how any kind of relationship would have come about in the 1st place.
Load More Replies... Kathy Richardson 1 year ago
She's nuts and not going to get better without some serious help. Unless you are absolutely committed to the time, expense, probably frequent and many set backs, you should probably end things. This sounds exactly like my sister. She was finally diagnosed as a bi-polar schizophrenic and it took YEARS just to get her medication right.
G Bono 1 year ago
Not all mental health conditions are the same and someone who has BPD is on a level that most are simply not equipped to handle. OP is far too young to fully grasp the extent of this particular diagnosis has and how there is nothing he can do to help her. She has severe abandonment issues that are not always grounded in any reality. She will push him away to test him and then lose it if he moves an inch. Threatening self harm is horrible for all involved, but if she really meant to to do it, she would have waited until OP was not in the house. I'm not being cruel, I spent too much time staying with someone with BPD. There is no cure and it doesn't get better. Sorry to say it, but for OP's benefit, he should go now. These texts seem unhinged because she is and it really doesn't get better
Jacquie Carr 1 year ago
Call her family to be there when you tell her in private that you're leaving; if she has no family near, call the police
Me. Just Me. 1 year ago
She desperately needs help. Even with BPD, this kind of behavior is irrational. OP should look at getting her some kind of psychiatric help but it may require some sort of monitoring or restraint, because she's not going to do it on her own. It's definitely not a relationship that either of them are committed to, but he needs to get out from under her control.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
*Holds up lantern ala Bray Wyatt* Brother OP, RUN!!! *Blows out lantern*
Mark Childers 1 year ago
Why do people move in together so quickly before they get to see the crazy?
Philly Bob 1 year ago
You just slip out the back, Jack, Make a new plan, Stan, You don't need to be coy, Roy, Just get yourself free. Hop on the bus, Gus, You don't need to discuss much, Just drop off the key, Lee, And get yourself free. - Paul Simon (This guy should listen to him!)
K. LNU 1 year ago
8 months and they are living together? Most of the time I say to each their own. But the threatening to unalive herself and trying to prove it by cutting is unhinged. She needs more help than OP can give her. We all have past trauma, but this... wow. I agree with the people who said OP is in an abusive relationship.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
This is abuse. Threatening suicide if you break up is abuse. Break up with her and get a 72 hour psych hold if she threatens suicide. Call an ambulance and leave while she’s in the hospital.
CBolt 1 year ago (edited)
You ABSOLUTELY KNOW it's not normal for one partner to have to know where the other is at all times! & The screenshots of the text showed just how irrational she is. I was shocked to realize, from other people's comments, that she isn't in therapy! She must have been at one time or she wouldn't know she has BPD - or has she ever actually been diagnosed? But you have to get out of there & have no contact with her ever again. Make your arrangements for another place to live & for moving. Tell her you're breaking up because 1) You cannot be with someone who doesn't trust you & expects to know where you are every minute of the day. You have never given her any reason not to trust you & if somebody cheated on her in the past that has nothing to do with you. She should get professional help for dealing with past trauma & with her trust issues; 2) You can't be with somebody who threatens suicide as a way to control you. If she is having suicidal thoughts she should call a suicide hotline or go to an ER. If she decides she wants to commit suicide, that's strictly her decision & you will not blame yourself for it;; 3) You're not able to deal with or help someone who has BPD & can't be expected to. She needs to find professional mental health care. And, yes, it's going to be a miserable, horrible event, drana, hysterics, & the suicide threat. When that starts, call 911. (She needs more than a 72-hr hold - she needs to be hospitalized. If her parents are in the picture, let them know what's taken place . & Move out. With no further contact - block her. Warning: If she doesn't get stabilized with professional help, she may become your stalker or cause all sorts of other problems for you. Be prepared to get the police involved & find an appropriate attorney you can call if it comes to that. I'm very sorry she has this condition but you can't help her or improve the situation. You deserve better but you're the only one who can make that happen. I'm surprised this relationship ever started - after being around her a few times it should have been obvious that something wasn't right & you didn't want to be involved with her. And there's nothing in your post that says anything positive abt her, nor is there any mention of love or affection between the 2 of you. You want, & need, to be out, & I think you know it. Have courage & do what needs to be done, for your own sake.
Justme 1 year ago
Her threatening to hurt herself could possibly be a cry for help rather than a genuine interest in hurting herself. Obviously she needs help, but people who genuinely mean to hurt themselves usually don’t tell anyone about their plans.
CBolt 1 year ago
It seems more a ploy to keep OP from breaking up with her.
Load More Replies... Hellcaste's Wife 1 year ago
The question is, does she have Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder? Because I'm intimately acquainted with Borderline and that's exactly what it's like. It's emotional dysregulation, paranoia...I feel for them both.
Display_Name 1 year ago
BPD is not a scapegoat. She needs meds/new meds/new dosage. I’m in a long term relationship with someone that has BPD. He has moments. He has never been abusive to me. If I forget to text him when I get to work he’ll text me 30 min later asking if I’m ok. I’ve had a bad year for car accidents.
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