Woman Loses Home, School Funds, And 7-Year Relationship After BF Finds Her Phone Messages
After people learn that they’ve been cheated on, they are typically in a daze. Stunned, angry, sad, and struggling to process and accept what has happened.
So it’s no surprise that when a man who goes on Reddit by the nickname AdviceThrowAwayinny discovered that his girlfriend of seven years had been sleeping with someone else, his thoughts and emotions went on a rocky rollercoaster ride.
Eventually, he decided to kick her out. But the woman and both of their parents started telling him that he was making a mistake. So he made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ asking its members for advice.
This guy just discovered that his girlfriend of 7 years had been cheating on him
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
So he kicked her out of their home
Their parents started telling him that he’s making a mistake and that he needs to take her back
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
When he met his ex, she told him that she’s pregnant
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Eventually, he came up with a plan on how to move forward
Image credits: u/advicethrowawayinny
It’s difficult to understand why the woman cheated
Image credits: Womanizer Toys (not the actual photo)
According to Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., who is a relationship expert, radio host, and Professor of Psychology at California State University, San Bernardino, there are a myriad of reasons people cheat, but they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.
“The phrase ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ refers to individual reasons for cheating—qualities about the person that make him or her more prone to commit infidelity,” she writes. Aspects like personality traits, religious and political orientations, and gender might play a part here.
Those who cheat for relationship reasons do so because they aren’t satisfied. “Researchers find that partnerships characterized by dissatisfaction, unfulfilling sex, and high conflict are at higher risk for infidelity,” she says. “Also, the more dissimilar partners are—in terms of personality, education level, and other factors—the more likely they are to experience infidelity.”
Finally, there are situational reasons. This refers to people who don’t have a personality prone to cheating, but “something about their environment puts them at risk for infidelity.” In these cases, seemingly simple things like changing jobs or moving to another city might push them into behavior they normally wouldn’t even think of.
Judging from the post alone, it’s difficult to say which of the categories the woman’s affair falls into, however, it’s clear that it might be possible that it was a one-time thing.
As much as the woman and the (ex) couple’s parents want them to get back together, the decision is for the guy to make
Image credits: Jesús Rodríguez (not the actual photo)
So what should the man do? Does he stay and try to mend the relationship, or does he walk away from it?
As with so many things in life, it depends. However, before making a definitive decision, Campbell thinks that people in these situations should ask their (ex) partners to share why they did it to learn their side of the story. Is this really about them?
Ultimately, you need to ask yourself if you can forgive and trust them again.
As sexologist Rob Weiss, Ph.D., says, “Damaged relationships don’t heal overnight. Moreover, damaged relationships don’t heal simply because one party wants them to.”
You can ask yourself questions, like: Has the cheating stopped? Have the lies and secrets stopped? Generally speaking, are there more positive than negatives to the relationship? Is the cheating partner ever going to be able to restore relationship trust?
There is no set formula for how to go about this but such questions can provide clarity.
Regardless of what other people say, Weiss, who is the chief clinical officer of Seeking Integrity, LLC, and author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, thinks your greatest concern should be yourself. So if the Redditor believes that the relationship is over, then perhaps it is. But then again, would he have made this post if there was really, really no doubt in his mind?
Most of the people who read his story said that the man didn’t do anything wrong
But some thought that everyone involved could’ve handled things better
Another post taken from Reddit that is years old with a throw away account. Goddamnit BP I need closure!
She broke his trust. She texted the ex. She slept with the ex. She wanted to go to school so quit her job. She moved in w him and together they had 7+ yrs as a couple. Now the ex has nothing to offer so no idea why she would boff him. And she lost the best of her life. A home. A man. A future. He's right to keep her away til it's proven for a fact he's the father or if she's smart she will end the pregnancy an restart her life with out the burden an trauma that will go on an into raising a kid with two separate parents. Yeah he will be a great dad. Priorities good. But it shouldn't be forced on someone because of a situation like this. Unfair to him and the kid. But not the ex who may or may not have her ex's kid and not ops. Don't hate on me for suggesting an abortion. It's always an option. Or adoption. If it's the ex guys an op has no obligations.
She'd never do it as it's her only hold at this point to keep the OP in her life.
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She's the AH and he's under no obligation to forgive her. He's certainly not responsible for her education or her financial situation.
She's not sorry she did it. She's just sorry she got caught and blew up her life.
She's definitely in the wrong. Maybe a conversation would be helpful here so that they could at least end on goodish terms for the sake of their kid, but there's no reason to continue the relationship or even continue to be friends. I also am confused as to why she never paid rent after living with him for probably at least 5yrs
Honestly, you handled this extremely well. Hats off to you for keeping your Kool. You owe her nothing. 😊
Here's my issue with all of this (and I absolutely may be biased because the entire idea of pregnancy is terrifying to me)... If this all happened -after- she got pregnant, is it possible that she got scared about everything the pregnancy would mean? This is the start of an entire 20-year chapter in her life, and there's a lot of blood and pain involved less than a year down the road that's now inevitable. My guess is, she panicked at that thought and didn't want to tell OP because he wanted kids so bad.... But then who could she turn to for support, if she can't tell her partner? It doesn't make it right in any case, and if he doesn't love her, he absolutely doesn't have to stay with her, pregnant or no. I'm just saying she may not have been out to -actively hurt- OP with this.... And pregnancy hormones are probably giving her hell right now on top of all this.... This much stress in early pregnancy is a recipe for trouble....
Of course if I'm right, she -should-have told OP (because it's his kid, if nothing else) instead of running off. My point was, if she thought he wouldn't let her terminate if that's what she wanted, or if she was unsure about their relationship at the time, I don't blame her for -not- telling him right away (even though it was a sh-t thing to do). But turning her need for support into an affair? Definitely a-hole move.
Load More Replies...
One of the best thing i could say that happened to me is getting out of my previous marriage though it was very hard for me at first because i don’t have any solid evidence against him but I was fortunate enough to come across a private hacker that helped me through out all this .. he helped me to gain access to his phones, Laptop and other gadgets which from there i was able to see his texts with his Lover and to my greatest surprise he already had a kid with the so called Lover .. i couldn’t believe my eyes, but after everything I’m grateful to 5ISPYHAK for helping me out , Here is his contact details just incase you need them to help you out with anything at all you can message him via email 5ispyhak437@gmail.com Telegram> hak5ispy
Breakup makes sense. But. Fact that he's also trying to ignore both sets of parents, ignore all texts, ignore her until his probable child is born, no-contact breakup... guy has an avoidance problem. Took several days and pressure from 5 people to deliver the message he's a father. She's an a*****e for cheating, he's an a*****e for...whatever the term is for this childishly avoidant passive aggressive behavior. Something's off with him. He thought she "would be the mother of MY future children" -- not our/their future children, just his future children -- then ghosts her on a second's notice...sounds like she's been disposable all along. Wonder why she was hesitant about committing even tho they've discussed marriage & kids? Maybe she sensed something. Something's off here.
Yeah, done and gone. Cut her off entirely. I have seen not one, but multiple relationships like this where one partner puts the other through med school and pays for everything only to get dumped after residency. So common, and so usurious even without the cheating. The latter is often a part of it though. Yuck!!
He needs to get into therapy, both alone and with her. They may never be in a romantic relationship again, but they will be partners in raising that child and they need a decent relationship in order to do that. The comment about his parents "just wanting to be grandparents" is telling. They are going to be grandparents no matter what he does. They would like their grandchild to be raised by parents married to each other. That may not be possible, but this guy still needs to ensure that he will have a good co-parenting relationship with the mother of his child.
Question, I don't know the system regarding that: What would happen if he refuses to sign the birth certificate (disregarding if he's the father or not)? Is refusing to sign a way to bail out of paying child money (since it's so prominently mentioned) or for something completely else?
No. He is just making sure the baby is his, before legally being bound to the child. If the child is the other man's and our OP did sign anything, he will be on the hook for child support for another man's child. (My personal opinion is all men should automatically get a paternity test done. It saves a LOT of heart ache on both sides. )
Load More Replies...
IMPORTANT NOTICE IF YOU GOT A CHEATING PARTNER, IT'S TIME TO CATCH THEM RED-HANDED. I’ll suggest you contact 5ispyhak if you need his service ..he helped me breach a website database security and also shutdown the site permanently. He also got me access to a mobile phone without touching the phone and I was able to see all the text messages including WhatsApp messages , social media account messages and pictures..he’s highly skilled,reliable and affordable .. I’m sure he will help out TELEGRAM HAK5ISPY Email 5ispyhak437@gmail.com
5ISPYHAK made me to see 👀 all my partner cellphone activities remotely in my phone. You've proven to be best spy tech ever, thanks for your hard work.
5ISPYHAK made me to see 👀 all my partner cellphone activities remotely in my phone. You've proven to be best spy tech ever, thanks for your hard work. You can reach out to him via email on 5ISPYHAK437 AT GMAIL
One of the best thing i could say that happened to me is getting out of my previous marriage though it was very hard for me at first because i don’t have any solid evidence against him but I was fortunate enough to come across a private hacker that helped me through out all this .. he helped me to gain access to his phones, Laptop and other gadgets which from there i was able to see his texts with his Lover and to my greatest surprise he already had a kid with the so called Lover .. i couldn’t believe my eyes, but after everything I’m grateful to 5ISPYHAK for helping me out , Here is his contact details just incase you need them to help you out with anything at all you can message him via email 5ispyhak437@gmail.com Telegram> hak5ispy WhatsApp +1 785-758-3418
I love how everyone is like she has tenet rights. By this logic a husband can't be kicked out of the house even after beating his wife. If the place is under his name and she tries to live with him with out his consent, bad things will happen. Murders have happened under these circumstances.
Her cheating broke his trust in her. She should not have destroyed a 7 year relationship just for sex with a different person. How could he ever trust her again? It's obvious they did not have an open relationship, so this was a colossal mistake by her.
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It seems like he did talk to her brother though and didn't just throw her on the streets, it's just that now her family has to deal with it
Load More Replies...
Another post taken from Reddit that is years old with a throw away account. Goddamnit BP I need closure!
She broke his trust. She texted the ex. She slept with the ex. She wanted to go to school so quit her job. She moved in w him and together they had 7+ yrs as a couple. Now the ex has nothing to offer so no idea why she would boff him. And she lost the best of her life. A home. A man. A future. He's right to keep her away til it's proven for a fact he's the father or if she's smart she will end the pregnancy an restart her life with out the burden an trauma that will go on an into raising a kid with two separate parents. Yeah he will be a great dad. Priorities good. But it shouldn't be forced on someone because of a situation like this. Unfair to him and the kid. But not the ex who may or may not have her ex's kid and not ops. Don't hate on me for suggesting an abortion. It's always an option. Or adoption. If it's the ex guys an op has no obligations.
She'd never do it as it's her only hold at this point to keep the OP in her life.
Load More Replies... She's the AH and he's under no obligation to forgive her. He's certainly not responsible for her education or her financial situation.
She's not sorry she did it. She's just sorry she got caught and blew up her life.
She's definitely in the wrong. Maybe a conversation would be helpful here so that they could at least end on goodish terms for the sake of their kid, but there's no reason to continue the relationship or even continue to be friends. I also am confused as to why she never paid rent after living with him for probably at least 5yrs
Honestly, you handled this extremely well. Hats off to you for keeping your Kool. You owe her nothing. 😊
Here's my issue with all of this (and I absolutely may be biased because the entire idea of pregnancy is terrifying to me)... If this all happened -after- she got pregnant, is it possible that she got scared about everything the pregnancy would mean? This is the start of an entire 20-year chapter in her life, and there's a lot of blood and pain involved less than a year down the road that's now inevitable. My guess is, she panicked at that thought and didn't want to tell OP because he wanted kids so bad.... But then who could she turn to for support, if she can't tell her partner? It doesn't make it right in any case, and if he doesn't love her, he absolutely doesn't have to stay with her, pregnant or no. I'm just saying she may not have been out to -actively hurt- OP with this.... And pregnancy hormones are probably giving her hell right now on top of all this.... This much stress in early pregnancy is a recipe for trouble....
Of course if I'm right, she -should-have told OP (because it's his kid, if nothing else) instead of running off. My point was, if she thought he wouldn't let her terminate if that's what she wanted, or if she was unsure about their relationship at the time, I don't blame her for -not- telling him right away (even though it was a sh-t thing to do). But turning her need for support into an affair? Definitely a-hole move.
Load More Replies... One of the best thing i could say that happened to me is getting out of my previous marriage though it was very hard for me at first because i don’t have any solid evidence against him but I was fortunate enough to come across a private hacker that helped me through out all this .. he helped me to gain access to his phones, Laptop and other gadgets which from there i was able to see his texts with his Lover and to my greatest surprise he already had a kid with the so called Lover .. i couldn’t believe my eyes, but after everything I’m grateful to 5ISPYHAK for helping me out , Here is his contact details just incase you need them to help you out with anything at all you can message him via email 5ispyhak437@gmail.com Telegram> hak5ispy
Breakup makes sense. But. Fact that he's also trying to ignore both sets of parents, ignore all texts, ignore her until his probable child is born, no-contact breakup... guy has an avoidance problem. Took several days and pressure from 5 people to deliver the message he's a father. She's an a*****e for cheating, he's an a*****e for...whatever the term is for this childishly avoidant passive aggressive behavior. Something's off with him. He thought she "would be the mother of MY future children" -- not our/their future children, just his future children -- then ghosts her on a second's notice...sounds like she's been disposable all along. Wonder why she was hesitant about committing even tho they've discussed marriage & kids? Maybe she sensed something. Something's off here.
Yeah, done and gone. Cut her off entirely. I have seen not one, but multiple relationships like this where one partner puts the other through med school and pays for everything only to get dumped after residency. So common, and so usurious even without the cheating. The latter is often a part of it though. Yuck!!
He needs to get into therapy, both alone and with her. They may never be in a romantic relationship again, but they will be partners in raising that child and they need a decent relationship in order to do that. The comment about his parents "just wanting to be grandparents" is telling. They are going to be grandparents no matter what he does. They would like their grandchild to be raised by parents married to each other. That may not be possible, but this guy still needs to ensure that he will have a good co-parenting relationship with the mother of his child.
Question, I don't know the system regarding that: What would happen if he refuses to sign the birth certificate (disregarding if he's the father or not)? Is refusing to sign a way to bail out of paying child money (since it's so prominently mentioned) or for something completely else?
No. He is just making sure the baby is his, before legally being bound to the child. If the child is the other man's and our OP did sign anything, he will be on the hook for child support for another man's child. (My personal opinion is all men should automatically get a paternity test done. It saves a LOT of heart ache on both sides. )
Load More Replies... IMPORTANT NOTICE IF YOU GOT A CHEATING PARTNER, IT'S TIME TO CATCH THEM RED-HANDED. I’ll suggest you contact 5ispyhak if you need his service ..he helped me breach a website database security and also shutdown the site permanently. He also got me access to a mobile phone without touching the phone and I was able to see all the text messages including WhatsApp messages , social media account messages and pictures..he’s highly skilled,reliable and affordable .. I’m sure he will help out TELEGRAM HAK5ISPY Email 5ispyhak437@gmail.com
5ISPYHAK made me to see 👀 all my partner cellphone activities remotely in my phone. You've proven to be best spy tech ever, thanks for your hard work.
5ISPYHAK made me to see 👀 all my partner cellphone activities remotely in my phone. You've proven to be best spy tech ever, thanks for your hard work. You can reach out to him via email on 5ISPYHAK437 AT GMAIL
One of the best thing i could say that happened to me is getting out of my previous marriage though it was very hard for me at first because i don’t have any solid evidence against him but I was fortunate enough to come across a private hacker that helped me through out all this .. he helped me to gain access to his phones, Laptop and other gadgets which from there i was able to see his texts with his Lover and to my greatest surprise he already had a kid with the so called Lover .. i couldn’t believe my eyes, but after everything I’m grateful to 5ISPYHAK for helping me out , Here is his contact details just incase you need them to help you out with anything at all you can message him via email 5ispyhak437@gmail.com Telegram> hak5ispy WhatsApp +1 785-758-3418
I love how everyone is like she has tenet rights. By this logic a husband can't be kicked out of the house even after beating his wife. If the place is under his name and she tries to live with him with out his consent, bad things will happen. Murders have happened under these circumstances.
Her cheating broke his trust in her. She should not have destroyed a 7 year relationship just for sex with a different person. How could he ever trust her again? It's obvious they did not have an open relationship, so this was a colossal mistake by her.
Load More Replies... It seems like he did talk to her brother though and didn't just throw her on the streets, it's just that now her family has to deal with it
Load More Replies... 
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