“AITA For Telling My Boyfriend To Order ‘Whatever He Wants’, Then Getting Upset With His Choice?”
Many things are known from context and implied when we speak. However, if for whatever reason a person chooses to misunderstand something by ignoring the context, there may be no end to the level of absurdity it might lead to.
And this Redditor took the readers on one such trip, as she shared a story of her boyfriend, for whatever reason, ordering food she’s allergic to and expecting her to be happy about it.
More info: Reddit
A man ordered dinner for two but left his girlfriend disappointed
Image credits: Ambitious Studio* – Rick Barrett (not the actual photo)
The couple often have meals together and the man knows his girlfriend’s taste, as well as her allergy to shellfish
Image credits: ilikefood098
Sometimes when one of them is running late or is busy with something else, they have the other person order food for both
Image credits: Andie Venzl (not the actual photo)
This time the woman was in the shower when her boyfriend told her he was ordering Italian, so she asked him to pick something
A woman brought a disagreement with her boyfriend to the Reddit AITA community online, asking if she was a jerk to get upset with the man’s dinner choice after letting him pick.
The woman explained that she and her boyfriend of seven months eat together a lot and while they usually decide for themselves what to get, sometimes they order for one another, for example, when one of them is running late or is busy with something else.
So it happened this time, as the woman was in the shower when her boyfriend told her he was ordering Italian and she just yelled for him to pick something.
Yet, when the woman saw what the man had ordered, she was disappointed. Even though the woman is not a picky eater, she is allergic to shrimp and that was exactly what the man had ordered for the both of them.
One may think the man didn’t know about the allergy, yet he did know about it, in addition to knowing what his girlfriend likes.
The woman was upset; however, the man refused to budge and claimed that his girlfriend made it clear it was his choice, so that was what he chose.
The woman was upset to find soon after that her boyfriend had ordered shrimp scampi for two
Image credits: Anna Hill (not the actual photo)
The man still argued that he was allowed to choose, so he did
The woman’s post gathered 10.6k upvotes and people judged she was not a jerk in this situation. Commenters discussed the possible intentions and the reason’s behind the man’s behavior, and the suggestions included making a mistake and not wanting/being able to apologize, not being smart, or being completely selfish.
There was also an honest interpretation presented in the comments, which goes as follows: “If I was dating someone as shellfish as he is, I’d be pretty crabby too. <…> His behavior is downright fishy.”
Not knowing where another person stands was listed by Verywell Mind among the red flags of one-sided relationships, explaining that when another person doesn’t put in much effort to be clear about it, it may leave one doubting their intentions, commitment, and investment in the relationship.
Similarly, poor communication manifests when another person does not listen or try to understand their partner.
Finally, they brought up making excuses and not owning up to one’s mistakes, noting that being in a one-sided relationship often leaves a person feeling anxious, empty, misunderstood, and insecure.
Coming back to the original story, the boyfriend’s behavior could be summed up as follows: the man didn’t consider the woman’s intentions and needs, finally trying to explain his rude behavior away. Given there is nothing left out, it may be quite easy to determine who is “shellfish” and who should be concerned.
What’s your take on the situation? Please, share your thoughts in the comment section below!
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual photo)
I feel like a lot of times, people know they are NTA but seek out reddit for personal validation. I'm not criticizing doing that because I know when you are in a relationship and being gaslighted or the ones where the whole family is calling you an a*****e as well, it can feel really good to know that other people are on your side, even people you don't know. This guy is such a baby. I don't think he did it thinking she would eat it and get sick, but because he wanted it all for himself and by the time she found out, it would be too late. I could not date someone you need to babysit like a 10 year old.
If my 8 year old ordered food she knew I could not eat to have it for herself and watch me go hungry I would seriously question my parenting
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What is wrong here? "You said I can choose so I chose something you you are allergic to which I know about". So unless he is incredibly dumb, he is an AH. Ditch him. This is not funny and neither is his reaction.
He might also be one of those a******s who think, when someone tells them they’re allergic to something, that they’re lying and need to be tested by being fooled into eating something containing the food they claim they’re allergic to. Doesn’t matter if it kills that person. I swear anyone who tries this b******t “testing” should be held criminally liable if the person they “tested” was telling the truth and ends up sick or dead.
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Yup. I have celiac disease. Mr Eastendbird would not order a big gluten filled pizza and then say "But you said I could order anything."
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Um, run. It's a red flag watching a 28 year old date a 20 year old to begin with (yes, sometimes it works, but 20 is still a vulnerable age, and I question those who seek out partners so much younger). Ordering food that can send you to the hospital under the guise of "you told me to order what I want" is pure reactive abuse; he wants to anger OP because he enjoys upsetting her and wants the opportunity to debase her for reacting to his buttholery.
Well who says the 28 year old ‘sought out’ someone younger? Why could it not be equally as likely that the 20 year old sought out someone older?
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If, for some strange reason, I were ordering for someone else with an allergy, I wouldn't even order the allergen for myself!
I read the OP's responses to comments. It turns out the BF ordered "Just two portions of shrimp scampi." Wow. Asking someone to order "whatever" does not mean "order anything because I'm suddenly no longer allergic". Plus he can't kiss her after eating seafood, so forgetfulness is unlikely (but if it happened, "Oh sh!t, I forgot" is at least a willingness to admit being in the wrong). Total a$$hole.
I am allergic to fish and shellfish. If my family was getting food and I said "ge whatever you like", they would not get fish for both of us or shellfish for both of us. They might get the fish for themselves and get me something else.
He is the ah. Not to mention extremely immature and passive aggressive. Run, don’t walk away
Curb. That's where he belongs. I also am allergic to shellfish and would not tolerate it. Total AH move on his part.
Guy's a total AH, didn't care if OP went hungry. She should've said I'm allergic to that and poured second order in trash to make sure he couldn't eat it.
Passive-aggressive assault. Like raising a fist in anger, daring the victim to make the violence happen.
I might be overaccommodating but unless it's something I really want I've usually deferred meal selection because I'm not a picky eater and seeing my partner enjoy what they want to eat is good enough for me. In this case, I'd obviously not order seafood but even though it's my choice I'd more than likely order something they would want. Aside from that, I may be an a*****e but just on a human level I'd never pull this s**t on anyone I liked. So OP's boyfriend pulling this s**t is wild to me. Also, choosing food isn't the most important thing in the world and small things are small for a reason...but to me the devil is in the details. Being this inconsiderate over a small thing, like this, means something. You could be great on "big things" but if you're like this for most "inconsequential" things you're probably an AH.
NTA... but I just don't understand people going out to restaurants when they have severe food allergies.. too many mistakes can be made, or intentional ones like your BF... it's one thing to be vegan and wind up in a place that serves meat..but to have a serious allergy, ie..to shellfish or peanuts... I just would never risk it myself. Your BF clearly doesn't understand the dangers of having a food allergy.. and at 28, I doubt he will, anytime soon...if you stick with him, you should talk to him like he is a child and remind him of your allergies everytime you go out.
It is not hard to respect and accommodate the allergies of loved ones if you're willing to take time and be careful. We have a couple of family members with allergies and I notice some people accommodate them well and others are consistently forgetful and careless. I don't understand why the message doesn't get through given the possible consequences to their health.
He's an a*****e and she should toss him in the trash. There's no reason for him to order shrimp for TWO. He could have easily ordered one portion for himself and something she's able to eat, yet he didn't. He's either just your average a*****e or he is deeply resentful of her for some reason. Either way, dump him. Fwiw, my now-husband found out I'm allergic to shrimp on our first date when we went for hibachi and not only did he not order shrimp but he made sure everyone we came into contact with from the chef to the servers knew I had to avoid it. It was really touching (even though he probably drove the restaurant staff nuts) that he took it so seriously and earned him major points. Get you a man that will show you that kind of care, nobody needs an inconsiderate jerk like this.
um...could we class that as attempted murder since he knows op is allergic to shellfish?
I think his ordering shrimp is an enormous red flag, and I would never stay in a relationship with a man who would do such a thing.
He’s either dumb or an AH. My assumption is he’s an AH. my ex husband every year got me Ice cream cake well he got himself the large sized Ice cream cake. Except I’m severely allergic to ice cream. So for nine years I never got to eat cake. If I bought my own he would throw it away. My first year with my second husband he bought me carrot cake my favourite. Second year his mom made me carrot cake. Each year since we go to dinner and I get my other favourite chocolate brownie. So the boyfriend knew and was being a jerk. It’s the start to more.
You told him to do the thing, he did the thing, then you got mad at him for doing the thing. Sigh. ESA.
You really think that when someone says order whatever that they should have to specify, "but not something you know could kill me"? She didn't get mad because he ordered himself shellfish. He ordered her shellfish knowing she couldn't eat it. Why would you order someone something you know could hospitalize them? What possible reason is there? It's a waste of money, and they will go hungry. This is one of those things that's so obvious it doesn't have to be said.
Load More Replies... Jeesh, it’s such a trivial thing, person makes mistake s/o has to seek validation from the internet. Yes there’s a big difference between not liking something and not being able to eat it for medical reasons but we are talking about one occasion, one mistake, one oversight, hardly worth getting upset and angry about, disappointments happen all the time looking forward to having something nice to eat but then not getting that nice thing is not the end of the world
The problem is more their behaviour "Get me whatever" "Okay" "Hey the thing you got is something I can eat." "Well you said whatever!" Their response isn't that of an accident "oh sh*t" but rather "I don't care." Which is what the judgement is about.
Load More Replies... I feel like a lot of times, people know they are NTA but seek out reddit for personal validation. I'm not criticizing doing that because I know when you are in a relationship and being gaslighted or the ones where the whole family is calling you an a*****e as well, it can feel really good to know that other people are on your side, even people you don't know. This guy is such a baby. I don't think he did it thinking she would eat it and get sick, but because he wanted it all for himself and by the time she found out, it would be too late. I could not date someone you need to babysit like a 10 year old.
If my 8 year old ordered food she knew I could not eat to have it for herself and watch me go hungry I would seriously question my parenting
Load More Replies... What is wrong here? "You said I can choose so I chose something you you are allergic to which I know about". So unless he is incredibly dumb, he is an AH. Ditch him. This is not funny and neither is his reaction.
He might also be one of those a******s who think, when someone tells them they’re allergic to something, that they’re lying and need to be tested by being fooled into eating something containing the food they claim they’re allergic to. Doesn’t matter if it kills that person. I swear anyone who tries this b******t “testing” should be held criminally liable if the person they “tested” was telling the truth and ends up sick or dead.
Load More Replies... Yup. I have celiac disease. Mr Eastendbird would not order a big gluten filled pizza and then say "But you said I could order anything."
Load More Replies... Um, run. It's a red flag watching a 28 year old date a 20 year old to begin with (yes, sometimes it works, but 20 is still a vulnerable age, and I question those who seek out partners so much younger). Ordering food that can send you to the hospital under the guise of "you told me to order what I want" is pure reactive abuse; he wants to anger OP because he enjoys upsetting her and wants the opportunity to debase her for reacting to his buttholery.
Well who says the 28 year old ‘sought out’ someone younger? Why could it not be equally as likely that the 20 year old sought out someone older?
Load More Replies... If, for some strange reason, I were ordering for someone else with an allergy, I wouldn't even order the allergen for myself!
I read the OP's responses to comments. It turns out the BF ordered "Just two portions of shrimp scampi." Wow. Asking someone to order "whatever" does not mean "order anything because I'm suddenly no longer allergic". Plus he can't kiss her after eating seafood, so forgetfulness is unlikely (but if it happened, "Oh sh!t, I forgot" is at least a willingness to admit being in the wrong). Total a$$hole.
I am allergic to fish and shellfish. If my family was getting food and I said "ge whatever you like", they would not get fish for both of us or shellfish for both of us. They might get the fish for themselves and get me something else.
He is the ah. Not to mention extremely immature and passive aggressive. Run, don’t walk away
Curb. That's where he belongs. I also am allergic to shellfish and would not tolerate it. Total AH move on his part.
Guy's a total AH, didn't care if OP went hungry. She should've said I'm allergic to that and poured second order in trash to make sure he couldn't eat it.
Passive-aggressive assault. Like raising a fist in anger, daring the victim to make the violence happen.
I might be overaccommodating but unless it's something I really want I've usually deferred meal selection because I'm not a picky eater and seeing my partner enjoy what they want to eat is good enough for me. In this case, I'd obviously not order seafood but even though it's my choice I'd more than likely order something they would want. Aside from that, I may be an a*****e but just on a human level I'd never pull this s**t on anyone I liked. So OP's boyfriend pulling this s**t is wild to me. Also, choosing food isn't the most important thing in the world and small things are small for a reason...but to me the devil is in the details. Being this inconsiderate over a small thing, like this, means something. You could be great on "big things" but if you're like this for most "inconsequential" things you're probably an AH.
NTA... but I just don't understand people going out to restaurants when they have severe food allergies.. too many mistakes can be made, or intentional ones like your BF... it's one thing to be vegan and wind up in a place that serves meat..but to have a serious allergy, ie..to shellfish or peanuts... I just would never risk it myself. Your BF clearly doesn't understand the dangers of having a food allergy.. and at 28, I doubt he will, anytime soon...if you stick with him, you should talk to him like he is a child and remind him of your allergies everytime you go out.
It is not hard to respect and accommodate the allergies of loved ones if you're willing to take time and be careful. We have a couple of family members with allergies and I notice some people accommodate them well and others are consistently forgetful and careless. I don't understand why the message doesn't get through given the possible consequences to their health.
He's an a*****e and she should toss him in the trash. There's no reason for him to order shrimp for TWO. He could have easily ordered one portion for himself and something she's able to eat, yet he didn't. He's either just your average a*****e or he is deeply resentful of her for some reason. Either way, dump him. Fwiw, my now-husband found out I'm allergic to shrimp on our first date when we went for hibachi and not only did he not order shrimp but he made sure everyone we came into contact with from the chef to the servers knew I had to avoid it. It was really touching (even though he probably drove the restaurant staff nuts) that he took it so seriously and earned him major points. Get you a man that will show you that kind of care, nobody needs an inconsiderate jerk like this.
um...could we class that as attempted murder since he knows op is allergic to shellfish?
I think his ordering shrimp is an enormous red flag, and I would never stay in a relationship with a man who would do such a thing.
He’s either dumb or an AH. My assumption is he’s an AH. my ex husband every year got me Ice cream cake well he got himself the large sized Ice cream cake. Except I’m severely allergic to ice cream. So for nine years I never got to eat cake. If I bought my own he would throw it away. My first year with my second husband he bought me carrot cake my favourite. Second year his mom made me carrot cake. Each year since we go to dinner and I get my other favourite chocolate brownie. So the boyfriend knew and was being a jerk. It’s the start to more.
You told him to do the thing, he did the thing, then you got mad at him for doing the thing. Sigh. ESA.
You really think that when someone says order whatever that they should have to specify, "but not something you know could kill me"? She didn't get mad because he ordered himself shellfish. He ordered her shellfish knowing she couldn't eat it. Why would you order someone something you know could hospitalize them? What possible reason is there? It's a waste of money, and they will go hungry. This is one of those things that's so obvious it doesn't have to be said.
Load More Replies... Jeesh, it’s such a trivial thing, person makes mistake s/o has to seek validation from the internet. Yes there’s a big difference between not liking something and not being able to eat it for medical reasons but we are talking about one occasion, one mistake, one oversight, hardly worth getting upset and angry about, disappointments happen all the time looking forward to having something nice to eat but then not getting that nice thing is not the end of the world
The problem is more their behaviour "Get me whatever" "Okay" "Hey the thing you got is something I can eat." "Well you said whatever!" Their response isn't that of an accident "oh sh*t" but rather "I don't care." Which is what the judgement is about.
Load More Replies...
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