Not all vegans are created equal, it seems. While some genuinely embrace the vegan diet for the sake of health, protecting the environment, and fighting for animal rights, others are more flippant with their veganism. For a rare few individuals, veganism is something to shout about loudly from the rooftops to improve their social reputation. But when push comes to shove, they don’t mind eating animal products—they just say they do!
This is exactly what happened to redditor u/myredditusername28, who cooked up a fabulous British roast dinner (my personal favorite!) for her friend and her boyfriend. In fact, she made two dinners: one regular and one vegan. All because he explicitly demanded that his dietary requirements be taken into account. As it turns out… he doesn’t mind eating animal products sometimes.
Unsurprisingly, the redditor, who slaved away in the kitchen for hours on end, got mad and turned to the AITA community about whether or not they or the friend’s boyfriend were in the wrong in this situation. Scroll down for the full story, Pandas!
I was interested to learn more about dinner party etiquette regarding dietary preferences, so I reached out to pie artist Jessica Clark-Bojin, the author of ‘Pies are Awesome’ (it’s out next month!), who recently baked her first ‘Piescraper’ of the season.
In her opinion, accommodating dietary restrictions at dinner parties is a “thorny subject.” She told Bored Panda: “Personally when I’m hosting, I ask if anyone is vegetarian or gluten-free and try to have at least have something on hand for them to eat since those two diets are very common in my circles. But beyond that, there are so many variations—folks who are lactose intolerant, doing keto, allergic to eggs, nuts, or seafood, or who just hate vegetables!” she said.
“Just remember that the main point of dinner parties is to have a pleasant evening with some lovely people, have some nice conversations and maybe make some new friends. If you just want an epic meal where your specific tastes are catered to, you may be happier going to a restaurant instead!” Scroll down for the in-depth interview.
A Sunday dinner went disastrously wrong. One of the guests demanded a separate vegan dinner only to do something that made the host really annoyed
Image credits: Sam Moqadam
Here’s the intriguing story of dinner party drama, in full
Image credits: myredditusername28
“Unless it is a small intimate gathering for a few people and you are quite familiar with their tastes—in which case you can tailor the whole meal around them—you are probably okay simply letting people know what you’ll be making ahead of time,” pie artist and food expert Jessica told Bored Panda that a host can’t be expected to do a hundred tasks to accommodate everyone’s specific dietary preferences during larger social gatherings.
“You can add something along the lines of, ‘I’ll also have a vegetarian entree option and if anyone has any special dietary restrictions you are more than welcome to bring an entree of your own too—I’m sure everyone would love to sample your signature dish!'” Jessica suggested inviting the guests to participate in the food prep as well.
The food expert said that when it comes to guest etiquette, it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect the hosts of large dinner parties, for example supper clubs, to have more than meat and non-meat options for guests. “Unless it is a dinner party specifically designed around a certain diet, like a farm-to-table vegan meal,” she added.
Jessica explained what dinner guests with complex dietary restrictions could do if they want to attend the party just for the company. Diplomacy is key here! “It’s okay to eat something before you arrive and just nibble on the sides. If anyone asks what your deal is, you can always go with a polite, ‘Oh, I’m actually allergic to eggs, but it’s okay, I’m really enjoying this salad. The entree looks amazing and I’m glad everyone is enjoying it!'” she said.
My kingdom for a Sunday roast…! I can’t imagine anyone not being appreciative of eating a fabulous homemade roast dinner. Especially one that’s been hand-tailored to that person’s particular dietary requirements. It takes a lot of patience and hard work to take everyone’s preferences into account. Not to mention the budget expenses.
What really sticks out in the redditor’s story here is the contrast between the boyfriend’s public image (he demands a separate dinner because he’s ‘vegan’) and his flippant attitude while at dinner. It’s entirely fine to indulge in animal products from time to time if you don’t present yourself as a hardcore vegan while making the host jump through hoops to keep you happy. Stealing the host’s dessert though? That’s a whole new level of rudeness.
It’s no wonder that the host got mad. Time wasted? Check. Wallet lighter? Check. Dessert stolen? Check! However, the redditor still turned to the AITA community for their opinion. They overwhelmingly pointed out that the friend’s boyfriend was definitely the jerk in this case.
However, what do you think, Pandas? Who do you think could have done better? Do you have any suggestions about how this entire situation could have been avoided? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Here’s what some Reddit users had to say about the entire Sunday roast dinner drama
BBC Future explains that the annoyance that some people feel towards vegans is off the charts: “Research has shown that only drug addicts inspire the same degree of loathing. Though it’s natural for people to disagree, the passionate rage—and even mild irritation—that veganism stirs up seems to defy rational sense.”
Some reasons why so-called ‘veganophobes’ get irritated by vegans include the idea that they’re hypocritical (for example, regarding the environmental cost of growing vegan food), that they tend to be ‘over-smug’ and ‘over-zealous’ in their pursuits. However, some psychologists believe that these reasons don’t explain everything. Instead, they turn to deep-seated psychological biases for an explanation.
According to social psychologist Hank Rothgerber from Bellarmine University in Kentucky, the irritation towards vegans comes down to the so-called ‘meat paradox’ (aka ‘moral schizophrenia’). In short, our brains try to protect us from unpleasant realities as we try to juggle incompatible views in our minds. An example of this would be to eat fish and chips for dinner while keeping a goldfish at home. Or looking at photos of cute animals on your social media feed and then tucking into your dinner that contains meat from other animals.
This cognitive dissonance creates a lot of stress, irritation, and unhappiness. As a result, people tend to lash at others, for instance, vegans, instead of us changing their beliefs to be more consistent. The existence of vegans, according to Rothgerber, forces people to confront the ‘meat paradox’ and leads to a lot of anger.
Though, of course, this wouldn’t necessarily apply to fake vegans who change their beliefs when it suits them. They get people angry for different reasons entirely.
I would have thrown him out of my house then and there just for eating my dessert, let alone the gall to demand vegan food when not really a vegan
No, you invite him again, cook a completely non vegan meal like everyone else had and f**king dare him to say anything. If he does then "eh, it doesn't matter, chill, no big deal"
Load More Replies...It would piss me off too, so ungrateful. And if someone stole my creme brulee, their life would be in serious danger. Seriously.
That was so over-the-top rude. I'm amazed her friend sat by while he did it. If someone I was dating acted like this, I'd end it. A creme brulee is a small thing, but he's telling her straight up what to expect from him as a partner: a lack of consideration for others, selfishness, entitlement. He's a jerk. If I were OP, no way would I invite him to my home again.
Load More Replies...I've been there, masses of time and expense to cater for somebody who was highly allergic to dairy products. Halfway through the meal she tells us how she was tested a few years back and all the tests showed she had no adverse reaction at all to dairy, she is just convinced she feels better not eating it. Could have strangled her.
As someone with a dairy allergy, I promise not all of us are like that 😓
Load More Replies...He is not a vegan, he is either 'partially plant based' or he is a vegetarian. Dont let all the BP anti-vegan propaganda get to you, us vegans are not all like that.
There isn't BP anti-vegan propaganda. They share stories others give them. And also, while not all vegans are like this there are certainly enough to fill a few articles.
Load More Replies...He's lucky it wasn't me. I've stabbed people (with a fork) for just pretending to eat my dessert!
Nah, we had a vegan friend of my wife's over one Christmas, cooked her full Vegan she was enormously gracious and grateful especially when I gave her the remaining choc & nut chip banana ice cream to take home for her kids (her ex had them that year). Most vegans are gracious and vegan.
How is the friend "conflicted"?? If my partner disrespected my friend like that, they'd be out on their backside before they knew what was happening.
He's not a vegan, he's an ass. Even if host didn't make entire vegan dinner just for him, stealing their dessert is just beyond rude.
a colleague of mine is a vegetarian who cooks mostly vegan meals for some of my colleagues (shared lunch break). so I had my b-day and thought: let's try vegan banana chocolate muffins. everyone liked them, and my mostly vegan colleague felt appreciated. Side note: she said she would have eaten anything I baked, even my famous cheese cake. she isn't that strict about eating vegan, but I think it's not too much to make an effort once in a while to include everyone (and try out a new recipe)
I would have called him out right at the table. "I spent quite a lot of money and time making you a completely separate meal, and you're not even vegan? It IS a big deal and you're a complete asshole. Get out of my house."
Sounds fishy... Cow's milk in coffee is not a treat to vegans. Milk alternatives in coffee are plentiful and delicious. So either he's not a vegan, or he is a fictional character created to vilify a group you dislike.
Homeboy either isn't vegan or he's going to have some toilet issues later.
Load More Replies...As a (nearly) lifelong vegetarian, I learned long ago (the early 1970s) to simply find the non-meat foods. They exist (even in the US). Never asked special treatment, still don't. My choice, my job to find food. So, yeah, the guy was a jerk, and possibly advertising himself as vegan only to look "good" somehow. (Virtue signal?)
He's clearly a d**k! Kinda off topic but I wonder how you make crème brûlée vegan. Doesn't it have milk and eggs?
NTA Being all demanding about vegan food-prep when you aren't a strict vegan is a d**k move - you have to know it's going to be a major inconvenience. The thing to do would have been to text and say "I prefer to eat a mostly plant-based diet, but I'm not a strict vegan, so please don't put yourself out. I'll enjoy the sides and just skip the meat." Someone going to great lengths for you should be noticed and appreciated. Brushing off their efforts is just rude and self-absorbed. Hope the friend doesn't waste too much time on this jackass.
Show him the door, tell him never to come back or speak to you again. Tell the friend she needs to dump him, he has no respect for others so he won't respect his girlfriend either. Tell your friend to choose better guys to date.
He has no respect for others and their work and effort they throw in just for him, based on information he gave about himself. He also has no respect for the ideas and principles of veganism whatsoever, and I might think that, would we know more about him, we'd very likely find a few other things that deserve respect, that he claims to be respected in regard to him, while he himself does not respect them, maybe even does not understand them at all. Make sure he won't come in again. Plus one, for his girlfriend, shall from now on mean Plus one if it isn't him - if it were to be him, the plus one might be changed out for plus none, seems to me this would be the best decision for, like, everyone involved. The door, likely, originated in plant material, so it may have been a vegan door, although this, obviously, either don't mean any to him, or he doesn't understand the concept of being vegan. Which isn't hard - Donald Watson's definition still is valid and remains in usual practice so far
Load More Replies...The OP sounds like a lovely host that went out of her way to be accommodating and this guy sounds like a complete and total jerk. I don't know any vegans, but I do know some people that have to eat a special diet and none of them would behave like this. Most vegans sound like very reasonable and kind people, but these people that are either militant about it or just claim they are for social points are ridiculous and need to grow up. If the friend feels conflicted then that is her problem because she saw what happened with her own eyes and knows that her boyfriend's behavior was inappropriate and rude.
Happened the same to me, was making a thai dish and themain ingreedient was fish sauce, the peson said "no no animal products for me" so i had to reinvent the whole dish... 1 week leater she is on a vacation with her BF and posting about eating great prawns and fish! I was livid
This is almost identical to the no-salt story. Some people can be self-centered d***s, smh.
In my culture, which is Buddhist majority, some people choose to be vegan for religious reason, and while some of them do make themselves a jerk over it, it is considered good manner to not inform the host about the diet and just opt for the plant-based part of the foods while at the table. It is meant to avoid making it difficult for the host.
Yes, i will be vegan/halan or anything if it benefits me, allergies and stomach should be priority of anyone life......... i just tell before and if you wanna cook yout do otherwise i'll bring food, he did not complain or ask anything...
Its just so weird to me that he felt that he could even make a demand for a separate dish like that... i was a vegetarian for years and everytime someone invited me for dinner i brought my own food. If someone invite you to dinner its not so you can have a free meal, you are grateful for what you get. And if that doesnt work with your diet you bring your own.
One of my best friends is severely allergic to dairy, but eats eggs and occasional outdoor reared free-range meat and fish. She is constantly being hated on by people who assume that her concern about contamination by tiny amounts of milk or butter which could make her seriously ill is 'hypocritical'.
People trying to please everyone..., it's just not possible. Roast Dinner? Every vegan should just say, no thanks I'm not coming. Why bend over backwards to accomodate mental weakness?
That person is not vegan, he is eating everything. It is not complicated, just wrong communication, on all sides
Its your choice to be vegan , and that is fine. But if that is your choice you need to make accomodations for yourself not expect the world to cater to your needs. I do the same thing myself when Im following a keto diet , limits my options but im a big boy and understand choices do have consequences. And I can easily take matters into my own hands and make myself something to eat or better still share a keto recipe with others( let me tell you fat head dough for pizza is amazing)
Bored Panda... Posting cute animal pics in one thread and things "scary vegans" did in the next one 🙄 i mean, the guy wasn't right but not every vegan is a terrible person and headlines like that sound very black and white
Why does anything need to be labelled "vegan" in a way as if veganism means being inconsiderate? Most of these stories have nothing to do with veganism but with people being jerks and coincidently calling themselves vegan, maybe for lifestyle reasons. Those who actual resort to a vegan diet for ethical, ecological, or dietary reasons may sometimes have the urge to "recruite" others but they usually have no reason for antics.
It's just a fact. He said he was vegan, no one's labeling him as one.
Load More Replies...Roast dinner is easy, it just takes a while, but the "vegan" is just a typical idiot who's probably been sat in the road around London lately getting in the way to be an absolute AH with zero consideration for anyone but their vegan cult friends
Frankly, is it not considerate to accomodate guests? I would always try to accomodate for guests' dietary requirements, and I am not to decide or even ask if these requirements are due to a medical indication, for religious or otherwise world-view reasons, or purely out of being convinced about it. "Normal" guests will meet this in a humble, grateful way. And then we confer just like reasonable adults do, with an interest of having a good time together.
Load More Replies...actually the writer doesn't hate veganism - they writer doesn't like people who PRETEND to be vegan, and then don't even appreciate all the work that went into making a separate meal.
Load More Replies...I would have thrown him out of my house then and there just for eating my dessert, let alone the gall to demand vegan food when not really a vegan
No, you invite him again, cook a completely non vegan meal like everyone else had and f**king dare him to say anything. If he does then "eh, it doesn't matter, chill, no big deal"
Load More Replies...It would piss me off too, so ungrateful. And if someone stole my creme brulee, their life would be in serious danger. Seriously.
That was so over-the-top rude. I'm amazed her friend sat by while he did it. If someone I was dating acted like this, I'd end it. A creme brulee is a small thing, but he's telling her straight up what to expect from him as a partner: a lack of consideration for others, selfishness, entitlement. He's a jerk. If I were OP, no way would I invite him to my home again.
Load More Replies...I've been there, masses of time and expense to cater for somebody who was highly allergic to dairy products. Halfway through the meal she tells us how she was tested a few years back and all the tests showed she had no adverse reaction at all to dairy, she is just convinced she feels better not eating it. Could have strangled her.
As someone with a dairy allergy, I promise not all of us are like that 😓
Load More Replies...He is not a vegan, he is either 'partially plant based' or he is a vegetarian. Dont let all the BP anti-vegan propaganda get to you, us vegans are not all like that.
There isn't BP anti-vegan propaganda. They share stories others give them. And also, while not all vegans are like this there are certainly enough to fill a few articles.
Load More Replies...He's lucky it wasn't me. I've stabbed people (with a fork) for just pretending to eat my dessert!
Nah, we had a vegan friend of my wife's over one Christmas, cooked her full Vegan she was enormously gracious and grateful especially when I gave her the remaining choc & nut chip banana ice cream to take home for her kids (her ex had them that year). Most vegans are gracious and vegan.
How is the friend "conflicted"?? If my partner disrespected my friend like that, they'd be out on their backside before they knew what was happening.
He's not a vegan, he's an ass. Even if host didn't make entire vegan dinner just for him, stealing their dessert is just beyond rude.
a colleague of mine is a vegetarian who cooks mostly vegan meals for some of my colleagues (shared lunch break). so I had my b-day and thought: let's try vegan banana chocolate muffins. everyone liked them, and my mostly vegan colleague felt appreciated. Side note: she said she would have eaten anything I baked, even my famous cheese cake. she isn't that strict about eating vegan, but I think it's not too much to make an effort once in a while to include everyone (and try out a new recipe)
I would have called him out right at the table. "I spent quite a lot of money and time making you a completely separate meal, and you're not even vegan? It IS a big deal and you're a complete asshole. Get out of my house."
Sounds fishy... Cow's milk in coffee is not a treat to vegans. Milk alternatives in coffee are plentiful and delicious. So either he's not a vegan, or he is a fictional character created to vilify a group you dislike.
Homeboy either isn't vegan or he's going to have some toilet issues later.
Load More Replies...As a (nearly) lifelong vegetarian, I learned long ago (the early 1970s) to simply find the non-meat foods. They exist (even in the US). Never asked special treatment, still don't. My choice, my job to find food. So, yeah, the guy was a jerk, and possibly advertising himself as vegan only to look "good" somehow. (Virtue signal?)
He's clearly a d**k! Kinda off topic but I wonder how you make crème brûlée vegan. Doesn't it have milk and eggs?
NTA Being all demanding about vegan food-prep when you aren't a strict vegan is a d**k move - you have to know it's going to be a major inconvenience. The thing to do would have been to text and say "I prefer to eat a mostly plant-based diet, but I'm not a strict vegan, so please don't put yourself out. I'll enjoy the sides and just skip the meat." Someone going to great lengths for you should be noticed and appreciated. Brushing off their efforts is just rude and self-absorbed. Hope the friend doesn't waste too much time on this jackass.
Show him the door, tell him never to come back or speak to you again. Tell the friend she needs to dump him, he has no respect for others so he won't respect his girlfriend either. Tell your friend to choose better guys to date.
He has no respect for others and their work and effort they throw in just for him, based on information he gave about himself. He also has no respect for the ideas and principles of veganism whatsoever, and I might think that, would we know more about him, we'd very likely find a few other things that deserve respect, that he claims to be respected in regard to him, while he himself does not respect them, maybe even does not understand them at all. Make sure he won't come in again. Plus one, for his girlfriend, shall from now on mean Plus one if it isn't him - if it were to be him, the plus one might be changed out for plus none, seems to me this would be the best decision for, like, everyone involved. The door, likely, originated in plant material, so it may have been a vegan door, although this, obviously, either don't mean any to him, or he doesn't understand the concept of being vegan. Which isn't hard - Donald Watson's definition still is valid and remains in usual practice so far
Load More Replies...The OP sounds like a lovely host that went out of her way to be accommodating and this guy sounds like a complete and total jerk. I don't know any vegans, but I do know some people that have to eat a special diet and none of them would behave like this. Most vegans sound like very reasonable and kind people, but these people that are either militant about it or just claim they are for social points are ridiculous and need to grow up. If the friend feels conflicted then that is her problem because she saw what happened with her own eyes and knows that her boyfriend's behavior was inappropriate and rude.
Happened the same to me, was making a thai dish and themain ingreedient was fish sauce, the peson said "no no animal products for me" so i had to reinvent the whole dish... 1 week leater she is on a vacation with her BF and posting about eating great prawns and fish! I was livid
This is almost identical to the no-salt story. Some people can be self-centered d***s, smh.
In my culture, which is Buddhist majority, some people choose to be vegan for religious reason, and while some of them do make themselves a jerk over it, it is considered good manner to not inform the host about the diet and just opt for the plant-based part of the foods while at the table. It is meant to avoid making it difficult for the host.
Yes, i will be vegan/halan or anything if it benefits me, allergies and stomach should be priority of anyone life......... i just tell before and if you wanna cook yout do otherwise i'll bring food, he did not complain or ask anything...
Its just so weird to me that he felt that he could even make a demand for a separate dish like that... i was a vegetarian for years and everytime someone invited me for dinner i brought my own food. If someone invite you to dinner its not so you can have a free meal, you are grateful for what you get. And if that doesnt work with your diet you bring your own.
One of my best friends is severely allergic to dairy, but eats eggs and occasional outdoor reared free-range meat and fish. She is constantly being hated on by people who assume that her concern about contamination by tiny amounts of milk or butter which could make her seriously ill is 'hypocritical'.
People trying to please everyone..., it's just not possible. Roast Dinner? Every vegan should just say, no thanks I'm not coming. Why bend over backwards to accomodate mental weakness?
That person is not vegan, he is eating everything. It is not complicated, just wrong communication, on all sides
Its your choice to be vegan , and that is fine. But if that is your choice you need to make accomodations for yourself not expect the world to cater to your needs. I do the same thing myself when Im following a keto diet , limits my options but im a big boy and understand choices do have consequences. And I can easily take matters into my own hands and make myself something to eat or better still share a keto recipe with others( let me tell you fat head dough for pizza is amazing)
Bored Panda... Posting cute animal pics in one thread and things "scary vegans" did in the next one 🙄 i mean, the guy wasn't right but not every vegan is a terrible person and headlines like that sound very black and white
Why does anything need to be labelled "vegan" in a way as if veganism means being inconsiderate? Most of these stories have nothing to do with veganism but with people being jerks and coincidently calling themselves vegan, maybe for lifestyle reasons. Those who actual resort to a vegan diet for ethical, ecological, or dietary reasons may sometimes have the urge to "recruite" others but they usually have no reason for antics.
It's just a fact. He said he was vegan, no one's labeling him as one.
Load More Replies...Roast dinner is easy, it just takes a while, but the "vegan" is just a typical idiot who's probably been sat in the road around London lately getting in the way to be an absolute AH with zero consideration for anyone but their vegan cult friends
Frankly, is it not considerate to accomodate guests? I would always try to accomodate for guests' dietary requirements, and I am not to decide or even ask if these requirements are due to a medical indication, for religious or otherwise world-view reasons, or purely out of being convinced about it. "Normal" guests will meet this in a humble, grateful way. And then we confer just like reasonable adults do, with an interest of having a good time together.
Load More Replies...actually the writer doesn't hate veganism - they writer doesn't like people who PRETEND to be vegan, and then don't even appreciate all the work that went into making a separate meal.
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