52 Two-Liners That Can Be Considered As Best Jokes Ever

Everyday Situations & Life Jokes

1.) I just saw my neighbor talking to himself in the mirror.
It looks like they are looking surprised. 🪞😲

2.) A woman walks into a bank and tells the clerk she wants to make a big prize deposit.
The clerk says, “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we don’t accept stuffed animals.” 🏦🧸❌

3.) My boss told me to have a good day…
So I went home. 🏠🎉

4.) I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised. 🤨😳

5.) My therapist told me to write down all the things I have in common with my mom.
That’s how I got kicked out of the restaurant. 🍽️🚷

6.) My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes…
So I hugged him. 🤗😂

7.) I just got a job at a mirror factory.
I could really see myself working there. 🔍🪞

8.) I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off. 📆😂

9.) My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. 🚲🐶

10.) My grandfather’s last words were “I buried a million dollars under…”
Then he went silent. 💰😳⏳

Wordplay & Puns

11.) I used to hate facial hair…
But then it grew on me. 🧔😂

12.) I put my root beer in a square glass.
Now it’s just beer. 📐🍺

13.) What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh. 🐟❌👀

14.) I entered ten puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win.
Sadly, no pun in ten did. 😂🤦‍♂️

15.) If you rearrange the letters, “I l l”, you get “I’ll.”
✍️😂

16.) What do you call a fake strawberry?
An impasta. 🍓🍝

17.) How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it. 💦🔥

18.) I’d tell you a chemistry joke…
But I wouldn’t get a reaction. 🧪😂

19.) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…
Then it hit me. ⚾😵

20.) Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now. ✂️😂

Animal & Nature Jokes

21.) What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
Pouch potato. 🦘😂

22.) What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailor. ⚓🐌

23.) My parents named me Rose.
Rose is Naming Your Dog… 🌹🐶

24.) What do you call something green and fuzzy?
Grass. 🌿😂

25.) I was diagnosed with having the heart of a lion.
I’m glad, my other heart was wearing thin. 🦁❤️

26.) Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose. 🐄😂

27.) My phone fell in the toilet.
Now it’s taking liquid calls. 📱🚽

28.) Parallel lines have so much in common…
It’s a shame they’ll never meet. 📏😂

29.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved. 🌊😂

30.) What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot. 🥕🦜

Pop Culture & Professions

31.) A legionnaire walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you.” 🍺⚔️🚫

32.) Why did the pirate go to AA?
Because he had a treasure chest. 🏴‍☠️💰

33.) I just broke up with my coffee machine…
I found out it was using other grounds. ☕😢

34.) I was going to tell a joke about boxing…
But I forgot the punchline. 🥊😂

35.) Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up. 🥚😂

36.) I told my suitcase that there would be no vacations this year.
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage. 🎒😂

37.) I was walking past a prison when I saw a midget climbing down the wall.
I thought, “Well, that’s a little condescending.” 🤏😂

38.) Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space. 🚀😂

39.) I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
So now I loaf around. 🍞😂

40.) I went on a date with a tennis player.
Love means nothing to her. 🎾😂

Good jokes deserve an encore. If these Funniest Two-Line Jokes hit the mark, keep the fun rolling in our Jokes Hub.

Bonus Random Jokes!

41.) What’s the longest walk in the world?
The one from the fridge to the couch when you forgot your phone. 📱😂

42.) A drug dealer fell into a cement mixer.
He’s Just Saying No. 🚧🚫💊

43.) I just had my bag stolen.
Now I need a new one. 🎒💨

44.) I fell off a cliff.
I don’t know what to do now. 🪂🤷‍♂️

45.) I tried to catch some fog yesterday.
Mist. 🌫️🤷‍♂️

46.) Why did the man fall off the ladder?
Because he couldn’t see the rungs. 🪜😨

47.) What happens when you eat too many spaghetti jokes?
You get a pun-stipation. 🍝😂

48.) I asked my dog what’s two minus two…
He said nothing. 🐶😂

49.) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…
Then it hit me. ⚾😵

50.) Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now. ✂️😂

51.) I’d tell you a chemistry joke…
But I wouldn’t get a reaction. 🧪😂

52.) Think you can top these jokes?
Drop your best pun in the comments! 🤩🎤

💬 Which joke made you laugh the most? Let us know! 😂🔥

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