I Illustrated Mental Illness And Disorders For Inktober

My therapist is still deciphering whether I am BDP or bipolar - your post couldn't be more accurate to how I feel so often. Drama seeking, is love seeking. Anger, is a reaction to the fear of being abandoned. Frustration is the want for something more in life and not knowing what it is or how to get it. I searched and searched and am furious at the lack of sites, information and others that suffer with the condition. I wish you all well!

I find I second, third, and fourth guess myself. It's like the two shadows pictured whisper to me and tell me what I did wrong, what I said was stupid, etc. It's like if someone is distant or doesn't act the same way towards me as they usually do, in my stupid head I did something wrong, or is was never liked in the first place, or they no longer want to associate with me, which then the anxiety attacks kick in. Even tho, logically, I know everyone has their days where they are tired, having a bad day, or they are just run down, to my stupid voices everything is my fault and I am worth nothing and the sooner I accept that the better

I have BPD along with many other diagnosis and I don't find myself drama seeking at all, in fact I HATE drama. I am only trying to cope with the inside of my head, which is not an easy thing to do.

I am diagnosed as BPD. Reading the comments here did me good. BUT, I'm maddened by what people say. First thing, I hope you all know that, of all the disorders, psychotherapy for BPD should center on an individual rather than focus on the disorder itself. This is not me speaking but contemporary concensus. So many of you show exactly why it should be so. You talk about how confused you are of your emotions. Mistrusting them and not sure if it's what you really feel or just your illness. Stop! Just... please just stop. I'm so angry and sad from this, wishing to strangle whoever put that idea in your heads. It's all you. There is no such thing as imaginary emotions. If you feel it it's what you feel and very, very real. Us borderlines struggle for control over our emotions. What should be asked is if what you feel is appropriate for the situation and if the intensity not too high or low. Ask yourself WHY you feel the way you do. The emotions are yours, not the other way around.

Thank you for putting into words what I could not, no matter how many times I've been asked. It is very reactionary and it's exhausting to always be sorting through those feelings to figure out which are real and justified feelings and which are too over the top

Chasing what can't be caught, .... the story of my life 😕

Yes im too dealing with the same problem.its hard to control. Im not afraid of anyone rather than the monster inside me.i always have a fear i may do something wrong to others. I isolate myself in such situations

My grandson describes as being on a roller coaster out of control. The ups and downs happen so fast, he doesn't what's going on. He is only 18.

I think you're beautiful and I don't even have to see you or know you, this is one of the most difficult disorders to suffer from. People often think that I am faking or looking to stir up s**t, people think a lot about me but what they don't know is that I feel it all

I'm in the middle of reading and practicing The Presence Process (A Journey Into Present Moment Awareness) by Michael Brown. I think you should check it out! You got this!!!

God yes no one has ever so accurately described me, constant uncertainty, lost in a sea of constantly changing emotions and never knowing if it's real or imagined

Dear Pixie Dust: that black void is something that addicts of all kinds, including codependents, gamblers, sexaholics, etc all feel - not just those of us with mental illness (I am dual diagnosis). A very wise Dr I worked for, felt 12 step program is very helpful for mental illness as well, since it helps us fill that void, find a support group while therapy helps u

wow, it's so ... that! It's only been a few months that I could put a name to all that thanks to my psychiatrist. So I could never approach the subject with other people with the same disorder. So thank you, thanks to you I feel less isolated or thanks to prozac I don't know but your comment speaks to me more than this drawing.

So well put. Thank you for voicing the feelings we BPD kids can't always put into words.

I do not have BDP. I simply stumbled upon this article and your post and must take a moment to tell you that you have an incredible voice. Please continue to write and express that voice. Your description was hauntingly captivating, and most importantly, enlightening. I wish you all the best.

You do not have to go through this alone! Please check out my page for anyone who is suffering from Mental Health, Substance Abuse, Disease, Disability, Bullying, Grieving, or any other difficult circumstances. I want to build a community of people who feel as though they have no outlet. It's a page based on positive reinforcement and a clear view that there are millions of people suffering from the same situations. Please give it a look, it's something fairly new, but I would love to expand it into something extraordinary. If we can share our stories, more people will do the same and we can bring awareness to these causes and hopefully help build funding for more research! The page is called MindFelt, link is on the bottom! https://www.facebook.com/MindFeltHaven/?fref=ts

I agree. I understand why there is such a horrible view of borderlines, but it really hurts me. I'm sooo reactionary! But I can't help how I feel. And "attention seeking" is NEVER a conscious choice. Perpetually ashamed and exposed is exactly how I feel. I always say I feel like people can see all of my issues just by looking at me. Hence my agoraphobia. :'(

That's a powerful description, much more accurate than the drawing. BPD is really misunderstood.

Mines like that too .. black hole . Emptiness. It never really goes away

Wow that is beautiful what you said. I to suffer from depression and BPD and it's so hard to explain how it feels to others. They act like you're crazy or stupid for feeling the way you do, but you can't help it...

Pixie, my husband has BPD and I would agree with it being reactionary. Sometimes the smallest negative thing can happen and it becomes the end of the world. :(

Excellent description Pixie. I have traits of BPD and relate to how you explained the struggle. Thank you.

Thank you for this. This is the most beautiful way I have seen it put.

spot on...I know I am Borderline and not bipolar but my dr wont listen he didnt even ask me anything he just gave me drugs and took the word of a 'friend' who said I was bipolar

I this that is why the face is black and the skeletons are transparent like they aren't there

This is so true! I didn't know it is BPD i have, i thought it was anxiety disorder plus depression aggravatedby insomnia.. but now I can totally see it as BPD. Although I can't be clinically sure as I don't know where to seek professional help here..

I wonder what would happen if you'd put your hand on your heart every night. It helped me fixed my hole, maybe it's help you too. xx

Pixie you have so perfectly spoken out what I have struggled to put in to words to family and friends. I hope you don't mind me quoting you?x

I have too many mental illnesses now, but I developed BPD while still a kid, and didn't get therapy. I definitely agree with your description. It's not drama seeking IMHO. It's like seeing the people in your life as both the largest threat to your existence, but also the only thing to give you hope. At least in my experience.

You put that in perfect wording Pixie Dust

Personally I think this is so well written, Pixie Dust.

Amazing how you describe in words, what I cant explain to others

And how does that make you feel?

Wow. Very insightful and so eloquently stated. Interesting perspective. Nice.

Beautiful...my daughter is an artist and BPD..

I posted your comment with the shared image because you basically summed it up.

Pixie dust, how eloquently you convey this... it's art as much as these insightful illustrations. Thank you for sharing your perspective!

Yes,i can relate totally. A livig hell.

thank you for this comment

The answer is Jesus Christ. I remember the feeling

I feel you..

So well said

That is the absolute best description of BPD I've ever read.

Oh, this helped me a lot! Thank you!!

Thank you. I thought i was alone.

Perfectly said.

That is a great explanation. People often don't understand and it's hard to explain. Thank you for sharing.

You've described it perfectly, thank you

Incredibly well said. My thoughts could never slow down enough to put together such a perfect description.

Excellent awesome way to describe it!

Thank you, Pixie, for the words.

I have it also and I've never heard it describe do more accurately and beautifully. Thank you.

Narcissistic personality disorder not borderline

Look at me everyone! I'm so different and special

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That's because you care about what others think about your emotions! You could actually use that emotion shifts to understand and become really good at acting, for example.

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Too many commas

Painfully apt.

Yes, I'm not sure that I understand it either ...

Krystal I was sexually abused as well. I didn't get a diagnosis until 3 years ago (at 50). I blocked the abuse completely. The mind is a scary place. I've lives my entire life feeling "less than". Getting a diagnosis was the best thing to happen to me. Let the healing begin. We are all warriors!!

It's perfectly accurate to me.