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Lady Refuses Contact With Manipulative Daughter, Best Friend Pities Her And Wants To Intervene
Family is usually a person’s first support system to help them deal with any difficulties in the journey of life. On the flip side, when conflicts happen between such close loved ones, it can also lead to resentment and bad blood, from which there is no going back.
This is what happened between a mom and her young adult daughter, whose relationship had turned toxic. Even though the mother was sure she didn’t want her kid back in her life, her best friend, who thought she knew better, felt like doing something about it.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
It’s important to think through things carefully before one tries to become a mediator in family conflicts
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her best friend had been having a tough decade and that, to protect her sanity, she had decided to cut her daughter out of her life
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Even though the poster knew why her friend had made the decision, she felt torn because she’d never do something like that to her own daughter
Image credits: splitov27 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman felt more conflicted when her friend’s daughter asked her to intervene and help restore her relationship with her mom
Image credits: Feelingsorryforher
The poster wondered whether to meet the daughter and tell her friend about it or keep it a secret
Dealing with family conflicts can be extremely taxing, and as the poster had mentioned, her friend seemed to be struggling for years with her toxic daughter. The problems between them had taken a toll on her, and she eventually decided to cut the young woman off due to her constant manipulative behavior.
This is obviously not an easy decision for any parent, and the woman had probably decided to finally do it to protect her sanity. According to psychologists, fights and disputes between loved ones can take an immense toll on a person’s mental health, which is why setting boundaries like this is an important method of self-care.
It’s actually quite unusual for parents to go no-contact like this woman had done, and a British study showed that only 5% of parents are the ones to initiate an estrangement. The reasons for cutting off contact are usually the same, even if the roles are reversed, and seem to be mostly due to toxic behavior or emotional ill-treatment.
Even though the poster knew that her best friend had gone no-contact with her daughter due to her manipulative behavior, she secretly felt pity for the young woman. She personally felt that if she were put in the same situation, she would never be able to cut off her own child, which is why it was playing on her mind.
Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster was put in an unfortunate situation when her best friend’s daughter contacted her to act as a mediator between her and her mom. The OP felt sorry because she felt that the young woman was trying to make an effort to mend things, but she also felt torn because extending support might mean going against her friend’s wishes.
It is definitely difficult to stay objective during a disagreement when it’s between people you care about, and the general feeling might be to get both parties to understand each other. Conflict resolution experts state that in such disputes, it’s important to avoid taking sides, listen to both people, and provide suggestions only if they ask for advice.
Here, the young woman was clearly asking for help, which is why the poster felt a strong urge to support her. She had known her best friend’s daughter ever since she was a baby, which is also probably why she felt such a strong obligation to go and meet her and maybe work things out. The only thing she was conflicted about was whether she should tell her friend about it or not.
The problems with getting involved in family drama are that, even if you are trying to be helpful, people might turn on you instead. All of the pent-up emotions might come tumbling out, whether it’s warranted or not. That’s why the OP has to really think through her decision before she makes the next step.
What do you think would be the best course of action in this kind of situation? Do share your opinions in the comments below.
People were divided on the issue, with some feeling that the poster should reach out to the young woman, and others telling her to be loyal to her friend
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What do you think ?
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 2 months ago
Slippery slope. Really toxic and manipulative people will look out for any crumbs of information you give them. Given the character assessment of her I predict that it won't be long when you will find yourself wanting to convey just this one little snippet of information or little message to help, all in the name of being neutrally helpful when in effect you are absolutely not neutral nor helpful.
For Work 2 months ago (edited)
Tribble Thinking - You are right on the mark. Manipulators can wriggle their ways in- they are experts at doing this. I would speak to the friend and just say, "I want you to know your daughter contacted me to intervene. You don't have to say anything to me now on how to handle this, think about it and in the meantime I will tell her I have to think about it." Here's the other thing with manipulators, if their main source of food/ love/ money/ attention/ shelter have finally cut them off THEY WILL SEEK ANOTHER SOURCE and YOU may be next. All they need is a toehold- a molecule of pity and they're in your life.
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Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
Lady, that daughter is a user and manipulative and she just proved it. One phone call and you're considering it? Are you clueless?
KatSaidWhat 2 months ago
I'd stay out of this. I would tell the daughter that I cannot undo her mother's decision and I would tell the mother that I have been contacted but am staying out of it. People who get involved in trying fix things end up losing friendships. Ask me how I know.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 2 months ago
Slippery slope. Really toxic and manipulative people will look out for any crumbs of information you give them. Given the character assessment of her I predict that it won't be long when you will find yourself wanting to convey just this one little snippet of information or little message to help, all in the name of being neutrally helpful when in effect you are absolutely not neutral nor helpful.
For Work 2 months ago (edited)
Tribble Thinking - You are right on the mark. Manipulators can wriggle their ways in- they are experts at doing this. I would speak to the friend and just say, "I want you to know your daughter contacted me to intervene. You don't have to say anything to me now on how to handle this, think about it and in the meantime I will tell her I have to think about it." Here's the other thing with manipulators, if their main source of food/ love/ money/ attention/ shelter have finally cut them off THEY WILL SEEK ANOTHER SOURCE and YOU may be next. All they need is a toehold- a molecule of pity and they're in your life.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
Lady, that daughter is a user and manipulative and she just proved it. One phone call and you're considering it? Are you clueless?
KatSaidWhat 2 months ago
I'd stay out of this. I would tell the daughter that I cannot undo her mother's decision and I would tell the mother that I have been contacted but am staying out of it. People who get involved in trying fix things end up losing friendships. Ask me how I know.
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