Expanding the family can be exciting. It can, however, be worrisome, too, as many things have to be carefully considered before taking the big step.
Redditor u/Objective-Pen2383 recently shared with the AITAH community that his 20-year-old daughter was expecting a baby. However, the man wasn’t overjoyed with the news, as he could hardly support himself and his daughter, especially since she couldn’t hold down a job herself.
Supporting a family is a huge financial responsibility
Image credits: Artem Beliaikin / unsplash (not the actual photo)
This man told his pregnant daughter that she couldn’t continue living at home if she decided to keep the baby
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Joshua Santos / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Objective-Pen2383
Financial matters are a great source of stress to many families
Image credits: Emil Kalibradov / unsplash (not the actual photo)
When giving her dad the surprise gift, the OP’s daughter likely expected a different reaction. However, her father was reasonably worried—he knew how difficult it is to support a family. He opened up to the AITAH community that he’s been struggling with making ends meet himself, having to take care of the bills, as well as of himself and his daughter.
As a matter of fact, many Americans stress over money-related matters. According to Bankrate’s 2023 survey, four-in-five of them say it has a negative impact on their mental well-being; roughly a third say they stress about it daily.
The burden of financial responsibility seems to be especially distressing to members of low-income households. The survey found that nearly 60% of people (roughly one-tenth more than a year ago in 2022) with household incomes of less than $50,000 worry about money issues.
According to data from 2019, in the US (depending on the state one lived in), supporting a four-person household required a living wage of anywhere between $60,000 to $90,000 dollars a year. Unfortunately, since then, the situation only seems to have gotten worse, as in 2023, the numbers were noticeably higher. Take Alabama, for example; back in 2019, two adults and two children could live off of a $60,000 yearly wage, while last year, the amount rose to roughly $75,700.
Stress can have a strong negative effect on both one’s physical and mental well-being
Image credits: Ayo Ogunseinde / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Needless to say, stress of any kind can have a strong negative effect on a person’s well-being; and, unsurprisingly, research has proven that higher financial worries are positively linked to higher psychological distress.
In an episode of the audio podcast series ‘Speaking of Psychology’, professor of psychology at San Diego State University and co-director of the Institute for Behavioral and Community Health Studies, Dr. Linda Gallo, emphasized that stress leads to problems with both one’s physical and mental health.
“Stress becomes unhealthy when it is unrelenting and people do not experience opportunities to recover,” she said. “So, in these cases stress can lead to physical problems, things like headaches and stomach aches and also mental health issues, such as anxiety, trouble sleeping.”
The expert added that over time, the toll that stress takes on one’s body can accumulate and contribute to chronic physical conditions, including heart disease, diabetes, and others.
Dr. Gallo also discussed the role that family plays in regards to managing stress, pointing out that it can be both a critical source of support as well as a source of stress for many people. For the OP, the news about a possible addition to the family became a source of the latter, which led to him giving an ultimatum to his child—a decision that seemingly split the internet community into camps.
The OP provided more information in the comments
Some netizens sided with the OP, they didn’t think he was a jerk in the situation
Others had a slightly different opinion
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"can you explain how to financially support another person that refuses to work is hard for you"? Are the question people stupid or are they really that disconnected with reality?
They're likely in a similar situation and projecting or have absolutely no clue what this man has been going through and what he has to look forward to if his daughter has a child.
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People really need to stop having kids when they are already struggling.
CrankyBiker has the most sane answer. OP should sit down with his daughter and go over the existing expenses as compared to his take-home pay. Let her see in black and white what it is costing to support just the two of them. Then show her an itemized list of what it costs to support a child. That means food, clothing, medical care (especially if her baby needs specialized care for any reason). Then ask her from where does she expect the money for all of that to come. Seeing the numbers in front of her may be the reality check she needs to consider adoption, and possibly getting serious about getting and keeping a job.
The only sensible route to take. For all three of them.
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"can you explain how to financially support another person that refuses to work is hard for you"? Are the question people stupid or are they really that disconnected with reality?
They're likely in a similar situation and projecting or have absolutely no clue what this man has been going through and what he has to look forward to if his daughter has a child.
Load More Replies... People really need to stop having kids when they are already struggling.
CrankyBiker has the most sane answer. OP should sit down with his daughter and go over the existing expenses as compared to his take-home pay. Let her see in black and white what it is costing to support just the two of them. Then show her an itemized list of what it costs to support a child. That means food, clothing, medical care (especially if her baby needs specialized care for any reason). Then ask her from where does she expect the money for all of that to come. Seeing the numbers in front of her may be the reality check she needs to consider adoption, and possibly getting serious about getting and keeping a job.
The only sensible route to take. For all three of them.
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