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Therapist Tries To Open Parents’ Eyes By Sharing What 28 Teenagers And Kids Have Told Her
It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.
A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.
Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.
More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast
Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy
Image credits: ask.courtney
You can watch the first part of her video series right over here
@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Powerful Musk Ox 3 years ago
Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes they use "respect" to mean "treating someone like an authority" and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "if you won't respect me I won't respect you" and they mean "if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person" and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay.
Bluebrains 3 years ago
something I'd like to say to a lot of the people in this thread's comments, I'm so sorry that any of you can relate to these posts, and I'm sending love and support. <3
Bryn 3 years ago
Reminds me of when my mom used to get mad at me for saying "okay". So, then what else am I supposed to say? "I understand." "Message received." "Communication understood."
Haley Sterne 3 years ago (edited)
People seem to think that if you are not blindly obedient you are disrespectful. I am 34 and told my dad I disagreed with him, and he yelled at me saying I was not respecting him, that I had to respect him because he is my father, and tried to kick me out of my moms house. I did not insult him, I did not raise my voice, and I did not demean him in any way. Simply stated facts and disagreed with him. He and so many others also think that you have to respect someone due to their position in your life. So blind obedience because they demand it. Poor kid.
Fluffy mommy panda 3 years ago
My dad thought like this it was awful ......because I had opinions
Bad Ass69 3 years ago
It did not matter what I said. My mother was a complete bit©h no matter what. I could run into a burning building and save dozens of babies. And could never do anything right! My brother on the other hand could rape and kill a station wagon full of nuns and not only be wrong. But somehow it would be the nuns fault!!!
Bad Ass69 3 years ago
Not be wrong! Where did that word disappear to spell check?
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#2
Pink 3 years ago
Be good to your kids. They're the ones who decide whether or not to put you in the nursing home with the good jello.
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angied4liberty 3 years ago
My mom used to take the dogs to DQ and leave me at home because I "never shut up:. I relate to this way more than I want to.
BrownTabby 3 years ago
And with parents like that, if you tell them what the kid said, it tends to just result in the kid being punished.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 2 years ago
That is sad. When he's 12, they'll be wondering why their son doesn't talk to them
Cinnamon Roll 2 years ago
This made me cry. This child is either mentally abused, or misunderstood. Either way, I can relate.
#3
Harley Lee 3 years ago
Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.
ForThePeople 3 years ago
Wait, your parents killed your pets for "motivation"?! F**k them!
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Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
The only people who think this is a good tactic are control freaks and narcissists.
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
Pets are only to be removed if the kid is unable or unwilling to care for them. Contact with friends and family is only to be limited or eliminated if those friends or family are engaged in risky or dangerous behavior. Access to things like toys can be limited, but there should always be clear rules as to what the kid needs to do to gain access, and those rules should be age appropriate.
3 years ago
Stripping out their room and stuff and taking their clothes because "You bought them" doesn't motivate anybody.
Sardonyx_3 3 years ago
Not important, but my parents got rid of my favorite stuffed animal when I was 9 bc of bad grades/school stuff. Had the s.a. since I was 3. They ignored my begging, and just put 'em in the trash... I remember to this day.
Skater Chick 2 years ago
NOOOO NOT THE STUFFED ANIMAL!!!! F THEM HORRIBLE PARENTS
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Natalia Żółtkiewicz 2 years ago
My mother used to threaten me this way and when i did something she didn't like, she would always say something like 'I was going to let you go to that trip at school but now that you've done this I decided not to'. She knew exactly how much I wanted to go, and I knew pretty well that she wasn't going to let me go anyway - but that still hurt because I had that feeling that I'd lost something I almost had. The worst part was that I didn't even know WHAT I'd done to deserve a punishment.Today I'm an adult and I have an immense fear of abandonment and expect life to take away anything (and anyone) what's important to me, especially in a moment when I'd need it the most.
The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.
Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.
#4
Winter 3 years ago
for the past year I have been stuggling to make my parents understand this as well.
Commander Ducky 3 years ago
Yeah I struggled a lot with that when I lived with my parents. Hope you're doing alright with them.
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Brian Michael 3 years ago
This one is a hard one though, if the kid wants to sequester off into their room alone that is fine BUT that can also be seen as a common sign for kids who are dealing with depression or other issues. If the kid harmed themselves or others, people would say "why didn't the parents see the signs"? Now before people say that with open lines of communication they can just ask and take their word.....ok so people who are struggling never lie or downplay the pain they are going through right? Kids should be allowed their own space but also you have to watch for signs as the adult to help them....it's tricky.
Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago
My mom has always assumed that if I want to be alone, it's because I'm mad at her. And then she's mad at me because "I'm mad at her for no reason". This is literally why she and my dad got divorced. My dad and I are just very very introverted.
similarly 3 years ago
I'm borderline ASD (autism spectrum). I'm hypersensitive to light, sound and touch. Sometimes I just need to be by myself, away from noise, away from bright lights, away from people. It doesn't mean I don't like people. I love my family. But sometimes being around other people is like trying to rest on a cactus sofa at a white noise concert while staring into the sun.
Lance LaRocque 3 years ago
Introverts vs extroverts, I think schools should actually teach and go into these 2 personalities. Maybe it would help the introverts get understood better and bullied less since in Canada and US it feels like the default is to assume everyone is an extrovert.
kansasmagic 2 years ago
Society *is* extraverted. It was made by and for extraverts. This is why we have so damn many work meetings, even though 90% of our business can be done through email!
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Bad Ass69 3 years ago
I built model cars! Anyone remember those? No better place to do this than alone. I had to step outside to spray paint. But brush painting the tiny parts and assembly was much easier inside!
Load More Replies... Satan Laughs 3 years ago
I lived in my bedroom as a teen, coming out for meals and bath time. The occasional housework and yard work were awesome if I was alone; couldn’t imagine my parents were worried with me. They loved it. I was also polite, straight-A student, who took in strays to rehabilitate but that time alone is sooo precious!
Bad Ass69 3 years ago
Some times a person just needs a little ALONE time! No reason to remove my door mother? You bizarre control freak. Seriously!
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ace lesbian demigirl(she/they) 3 years ago
I love being alone in my room and my parents respect that sometimes, but my mom will just give three short knocks on the door and let herself in without waiting for my response. My dad, on the other hand, actually waits for me to say "Come in" or "not right now"
C Lawson 3 years ago
It's good that your dad respects that. I let my boys have their space in their rooms. If I ask if I can come in all they have to say is no. And I'm fine with that. I hide in my room sometimes too and if I say I need a "bed day" they manage without me but know if they need me I'm here. We talk openly and honestly about everything and I credit that with the reason my oldest was ok with telling me he'd benefit from therapy. Being honest with them helps them to be honest with me even if its uncomfortable sometimes.
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Jacob Stone 3 years ago
The most important part is recognizing that you are depressed, and try to find help, so you don't go to suicidal. ;. a semicolon means when an author could have ended our sentence, but chose not to. keep writing for those who get sad, for it gets better.
#5
Summer Mason 3 years ago
I have only used disappointed two times with my kids. Cause I know it's affects. Once when our middle son called a black girl at his school the n word, and second when my oldest daughter was caught stealing from the supermarket. We did not raise them to be like that. So there for yeah, us as parents where disappointed in their actions. And guess what? They have never done these things since. As one parent to another, be careful when you chose the term disappointed. I never want my kids to feel like a disappointment.
Charlie 1 year ago
This. That word should only be used if they actually knew better, not just because you wanted them to magically do better without being taught.
Load More Replies... Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
The caveat here is that my great-grandfather knew a healthy way to play this card. I came from a place of traumatic abuse, and being physically assaulted or insulted didn't work on me anymore. I knew nothing I said, did, or felt, would change things. G- grandfather never hurt me. If I *willfully* did wrong, he'd point out the times I did better and then make me account for my reason for doing bad this time. If it was an act of ignorance- a first-off, he'd ask me what I learned from the consequences of my words or actions. You will disappoint and be disappointed a lot in life. What matters is if you use these moments to learn and teach or use them to make you or another feel worthless.
Lee Rankin 3 years ago
Misty thanks for your very insightful comment. The situation you describe resonates with me having been 'cared' for by foster parents most of my life. Never felt wanted, never felt loved. They told me that I was with them because my mother didn't want me. Which is probably the worst thing anyone can say to a kid. I also experienced the trauma of having a beloved pet killed. My darling little Sydney Silky dog dared to frighten the chooks in the hen coupe. The F**ks said "we can't have that". Dogs who threaten the hens making the hens not wont to lay eggs for us must be DESTROYED!! Let's take into account that I am 80 yo so I'm talking about around the years 1946-7. Damage to children has been going on since the beginning of time. It is definitely getting better! Now I see fathers outside playing with their kids, taking them to the park & imparting valuable knowledge to them through encouraging their sport etc.
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ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
People carry this their whole lives. You can see it in the people you work with.
TooBusyExisting 3 years ago
yesss. whenever I hear that someone is disappointed in me I get so upset. I am already disappointed in myself, they don't have to make it worse
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
When my parents said this to me it hurt more than anything else they could possibly said. It just crushed everything in me.
Bad Ass69 3 years ago
Telling me I was a disappointment was my mother being kind! She always said stuff like. I was an accident and she never meant to have me. Or. That I was some form of punishment GOD let Satan hang around her neck. I was 5 years old the first time she laid that last one on me! What a b!t©h right!
Jennifer Potter 2 years ago
Wow. Sorry you had to endure that! I hope you met lots of other people that treated you better!
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#6
over it already 3 years ago
Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.
Pluto 3 years ago
This is sometimes helpful, and can make it feel like you really care but some studies suggest otherwise, try reading “How to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk” it is a truly splendid book that really changed my household for the better.
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Brazen 3 years ago
My mom did this to me all the time and when trying to explain that it wasn't how I was feeling, I was suddenly in trouble for "talking back". Ugh.
Emily Nevins 2 years ago
Exactly, my parents always think I'm arguing when I'm just trying to discuss and understand their reasons for things.
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Unknown 3 years ago
Some things never change I guess, no matter how loudly I scream in the middle of an empty room, this point never gets across. I still had the same things happening to me, until I eventually cut the majority of those people out. No matter what I do though, I can't get over needing to support my mom and her feelings and emotions over mine. So thank you for posting this:)
Ella Grace 3 years ago
this. this needs to be heard more. maybe I should show it to my parents
Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.”
“We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.
#7
ForThePeople 3 years ago
But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.
Mrs. EW 3 years ago
This extends way past 6 yrs old. I deleted my social media apps, as they were distracting me from living my life. I do use my phone, but not often when my son is around. He just turned 18 and finishing hs. We enjoy having convos and joking around. My husband spends most of his free time buried in social media. He doesn’t get to have the bond he should with my son or myself. We both wish he did.
Greg Gingrich 2 years ago
You and your son share a bond helped by you leaving social media. Don't begrudge your husband, just enjoy yourself and your new bond with your son.
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Upstaged75 3 years ago
My SIL does this. Her kids will be saying "look Mommy" over and over before she finally glances away from the damn phone. It drives everyone (including her husband, my brother) crazy!
Seth 3 years ago
And now her kids have learned that getting attention requires being annoyingly persistent.
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Isaac Harvey 3 years ago
My parents: "get off your phone!" Also my parents: "hang on, I have to finish typing this, I'll be off in 5 minutes." *takes more than 10 minutes*... meanwhile, I'm thinking, "the laundry is right there, do it yourself if you need it done!"
Saturn Rings 3 years ago
Internet people love and hope for you to have a good life!
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Bad Ass69 3 years ago
My mother's jewelry was more important than I was! When I heard that someone broke in and stole hers I laughed my a*s off! Still do. 😆
Bad Ass69 3 years ago
She still cries about her lost jewelry. But not her long gone son. I moved 400 miles away from her just to get out of come to visit range. 😁
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Riley Quinn 3 years ago
I wished that my mother would just once play with us instead of making us do chores. Just one Saturday a month would've made our lives a bit better.
Jacob Stone 3 years ago
the kiddo's right...too sad that this isn't fake. if it was fake, it wouldn't suck as much
#8
Bananaramamama 3 years ago
This is a very valuable statement and while I would never argue "it's okay" to fight in front of kids, its also okay to explain that even healthy relationships between people who love each other, sometimes involves disagreements. I would rather my kids learn we can have a loving family and as their parents we can focus on them 100% but still be human. I understand there are extremes and exceptions. But if my kids ever mention me "being mad at daddy" (or vice versa) its a great opportunity to show them we are still happy and in love and always there for them. Obviously we never "yell" or swear angrily in front of them but I want them to know they can stand up for themselves and come to a resolution
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
Nothing like waking up at 5am and hearing your parents talking loudly about splitting up and hear your mom say “ Oh no! You don’t get off that easily. You take the kid!” So really mom, how do you feel about me?
Isaac Harvey 3 years ago
I have really good hearing, and in my 19 years of existence, it's been helpful most of the time but devastating sometimes.
#9
MellonCollie 3 years ago
6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(
SapphireKing 3 years ago
"Every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves a child." - someone smart
LittlePiggie 3 years ago
I have a 6 year old. This made me cry. I can't imagine not snuggling as we read bedtime stories, tickling him and telling him I love him until he says it back. It's such a joyous and quiet time to connect after the crazy of the day. This breaks my heart. :(
Butterfinger 3 years ago
Some people just dont deserve to have kids. No 6-year-old should comprehend the concept of ¨Running away¨ and the fact that they do and know that their parents won't care is even more heartbreaking.
Lisa Reuss 3 years ago
My heart is literally breaking. Who stops saying goodnight to a SIX YEAR OLD?? My son is 15, and he still comes & says goodnight to me & gives me a hug. Then, when I go up to bed, I go into his room to check on him & give him a kiss, even though he’s sleeping. What is wrong with some people???
Nunya Business 3 years ago
How can you not say goodnight to your little six year old?? I couldn't sleep.
The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”
Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.
#10
ForThePeople 3 years ago
Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.
Mokayokok 3 years ago
My 16 year old has been making her own decisions for quite awhile. She'll sometimes run stuff by me to see if I see a situation differently, but other other that, it's all her. I barely ask her about homework, there's no need, not doing her homework stresses her out and there is no need to add to that. She's had straight A's for the last 8 years. She also has a lot of freedom with her boyfriend since he's also a really good kid whom we like a lot. I fully trust my child to make smart decisions. She hasn't been in trouble since 4th grade. We chat about her day every day, of course, and she comes to me if she needs to talk, a hug or just support. The words, "I love you" are constant esp at bed time. As you can see, I'm extremely proud of her. I wish my relationship with my own mother was 1/2 this good, it definitely is not.
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DancingPanda 3 years ago
Whoever is downvoting every single comment under this, please stop, people are opening themselves up and trying to help each other and being supportive, this is helpful and I appreciate this community, don’t downvote posts you disagree with, unless it is genuinely harmful, this is all good stuff
Laura 3 years ago
I'm still growing up (just turned 18) these are some of the rules I have/have had from my parents: No phone At all. No social media. Everything must be watched with them No sleepover All friends must be watched at all times (and judged) Will get rid of friends for you, if they disagree with the slightest thing No swears Must finish all food Because your female you must have long hair and wear skirts, and also eat 3/4 less food than your siblings (we are literally the same weight+height) Must ask permission for Everything (including food and bathroom) You can talk to us!!(but we will act like everything doesn't matter) Favorite kids is normal. If my brother is depressed- let's get icecream! If im depressed- you can t be because your childhood was perfect! :) We will yell at you and tell you you are worthless. No dating is allowed ever. Must be your moms personal maid, and your brothers caregiver (because your a girl) This isn't even half of them! :D
Laura 3 years ago
Also: you may never have a contradicting opinion with ours- And if you talk we will either yell, get annoyed, or punisb you- but if you don't talk your being a mopey brat and must be punished And you will be punished by dad when he gets home , even though mom was the one who called you a worthless shut. :)
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crow_commits_murder 3 years ago
I have been given no independence. I'm scared if I'm able to handle life
Rosesinmyhair 3 years ago
You'll be ok. Made it this far. You've got grit. <3 ✌
Load More Replies... Catte West 3 years ago
I had a revelation at age 13, and discovered I could form my own opinions and not just parrot my mother. She REALLY hated that.
Lucas 3 years ago
Love it! I realised at 8 that my parents weren't always right. I found it quite liberating tbh.
Load More Replies... Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
I had parents like that, and I can assure you, this is a curable condition on your end. Get out of their home when you can afford to budget living entirely alone and don't accept or try to get roommates for your entire first lease or mortgage. Never bring people into your new place during this time. Why? Because this gives you a chance to "speed date" the various parts of you that couldn't use your wings when you were at home. Not having roommates or in-home guests or committed relationships means that you can abandon the parts of you that aren't working out, and you can hone the parts that are all without being called out or "pinned" to any of them or being vulnerable to having your narrative rewritten. WIsh you luck, success, and courage.
DancingPanda 3 years ago
I’m scared to be an adult because I need to learn so many more social things, and I can’t learn these things when being controlled, I’m scared that I’m going to end up in a bad place without meaning to, or I’ll get hurt and not know how to fix it, I’m scared that I’m going to make mistakes and be stuck with it, I know as an adult I won’t be able to go to my parents, I need them to let me go out and make mistakes now when they can be here to help me through them, cause whenever I try to go to them for a mistake I made they get really mad at me and blame me, and I chicken out if I make a different mistake cause I don’t want that fear and guilt again, why don’t they understand it took so much for me to go to them for help and they made me feel worse and now I don’t know what to do
Lucas 3 years ago
Can you find other adults to talk to? To get advice and guidance? Parents of friends, other family? Very few mistakes are so serious that we have to live with them forever. We all mess up at times. Just do your best, correct it when you do go wrong, and move on. If they won't that's something that you'll have to learn to ignore I'm sorry to say. A lot of parents project and fear their children will make the mistakes they made (or were expected to make by their parents!). Some just refuse to let their children grow up (even when they have!). Maybe try to go elsewhere for help if all they do is make you feel worse. I don't know how easy it will be for you but it will be the making of you when you can leave home. It isn't as scary as it seems, for many it is very freeing. Practically everybody does it and some of us are real idiots (I may mean me!) and yet we cope! You can do it and I'm sure you will be fine.
Load More Replies... Lisa H 3 years ago
I'm 36, but because I'm the youngest, I'm STILL going through this with my parents. The back seat driving is the worst, especially from my mom. I have to put my life on hold, though, because she recently broke both her wrists and since my father still works full-time, I have to take care of my mother. S**t like this has been going on since my loser self had to move back in about three years ago. They say thank you for the help and then turn around and micromanage everything I do. I can't win with my own life right now.
Gin 3 years ago
I know words from a stranger on the internet can't alter a damn thing but you need to grab your life in your hands and take it back - you don't get another. You're NOT a loser, you've just hit a temporary stumbling block. Get yourself back on your feet and get away as soon as you can. Then limit contact, if they try to micromanage just say no or say nothing and do what YOU want to do anyway. Limite what you tell them. People control by manipulation and we let them... ask me how I know!! I so hope you can do it. Good luck.
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Lizz 3 years ago
This really hits home with me... I was checked and controlled until I left the house... I wasn't able to think for myself and made some very bad decisions that I am now facing the consequences of. At 44(!) I finally know what I want in a relationship, my job etc.... Now all I have to do is figure out how to get it all done...
#11
Lisa H 3 years ago
It's not always better as the youngest because I was expected to observe and learn from my older siblings and never make the same mistakes they did. When I did, they couldn't believe I could be that stupid since I should have learned from watching my older siblings.
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sovy marcia 3 years ago
and then they claim that corrections are their to help us learn, so we dont make that mistake again, we will never learn the real affects of bad choices, & if they always correct us, at least for me, my courage to try new things good or bad goes down
Happi doggi (all pronouns) 3 years ago
I had a friend in elementary school who was in the room as her baby sister died and her parents blamed her.
naylene hess 2 years ago
Apparently its a biological thing to actually remeber more negative than positive experience which would explain a lot
#12
barn owls ️ 3 years ago
i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life
setsuriseikou 3 years ago
Hugs to you! Hope you are in a better place now mentally.
Load More Replies... Harley Lee 3 years ago
I think there is a lot of us reading this who KNOW that when we made mistakes as kids and teens our parents BELIEVED we did it on purpose, in spite, out of negligence. Sometimes a mess up is just an oops!!!
Phoenix Connor 3 years ago
It is like when I make my sister mad by accident and I get told AGAIN that I'm doing it on purpose or that me forgetting to do something and my mom gets mad and she tells me AGAIN that I like making her mad and I do it on purpose. She says she is listening but is she? Just because you were a teenager once doesn't mean you know what goes on in my life and know how I feel. And it is scientifically proven one person in a bad mood in a room with other people puts those other people in a bad mood, especially if you yell at them. And yes I am listening and hearing her but she doesn't think so. She also doesn't understand that my therapy wasn't working because I do not know how to open up to other people other than someone who feels just as close as my best friend, and most of the time I can't even do that.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
When will people understand that kids are just mini humans? I make mistakes all the time, why would I expect more, or worse perfection, from my kids?
DancingPanda 3 years ago
I need this to be at the top, just because I’m 16 doesn’t mean I’ve learned everything, and why are you allowed to make mistakes but I’m not?
Ren Karlej 3 years ago
No matter how old we get, none of us know everything. We do acquire experience and some (hopefully a fair bit of) knowledge as we go and it's important to look back and remember how little we knew when the same age (I don't mean young = stupid, just still a lot to learn). Sadly, many parents don't or can't do this and expect too much. You'll have to gauge for yourself when they're overreacting or expecting too much and learn to let it go for your sake.
Load More Replies... lonely miso 2 years ago
Me: *forgets to do something* My stepmom: I’m taking away your phone and you are a bad person and a liar
Ugh_What_Now 2 years ago
Ughh, this right here. Western culture is AWFUL. We teach our children that mistakes are bad things to be ashamed of instead if opportunities to learn and it follows us into adulthood. Just look at the internet. Look at POLITICS. NOBODY can admit to being wrong... because being wrong is "bad", being wrong means you're "stupid, bad malicious, etc.". If we took on a more EASTERN philosophy of teaching that mistakes are opportunities instead of big red marks... our society would be much better for it.
naylene hess 2 years ago
Bro have you see Asian parents lmao they make the stuff that happens here look like the perfect family
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El is so weird (s)t(he)y 2 years ago
Awww I completely get this I just wanna wrap this kid in my arms and tell them it’s ok and that they aren’t a bad kid
“You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.
She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”
#13
Just Chilling 3 years ago
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I know it doesn’t mean much but I’m really sorry.
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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 years ago
Well I'm scared I'm going to end up crying at this thread
Jack Waltz 3 years ago
Don't be scared it's okay to cry in fact it's really healthy to understand your emotions allowing them to be expressed and granting them a cathartic conclusion within the moment you feel them. Just so long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else it's perfectly fine.
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Deutschland Mädchen 3 years ago
I'm only like halfway down this list and my eyes are all watery- who let the onion ninjas into my house??
VM37 3 years ago (edited)
This is why I tell my kids that Iove them even if I am mad at them and yell. Sometimes I can't help myself, just start yelling. My Mother did that to me. I love her to death, and I know she loves me. But the yelling, it becomes normal and you don't even know that you yell all the time. I always thell my kids that I love them even if I am mad at them. I hope they remember this.
Alexandra Sanders 3 years ago
me and my gramma love eachother, you just wouldnt tell if you saw us arguing... :´)
Jackie Nettleton 3 years ago
I just want to hug this poor child and make things better for them
GPZ 3 years ago
When my kids do something they ought not to do, we sit them down and discuss it (ie: why did they choose to do that when they were asked not to, what would've been a more appropriate action etc...) but at the end of it, we always tell them that we love them, especially if there's some form of punishment involved (eg: time out or loss of privelages)
#14
HELIKOPTER HELIKOPTER 3 years ago
For me, (13), days go by. She (my mom) spent my allowance money “oh! I forgot you existed! Let me leave for 6 hours to get drunk!”
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Amy 3 years ago
I have severe ADHD. My life is a constant "SQUIRREL" struggle. So I sincerely apologize if anyone takes it to heart. I don't mean to. (40 y.o. parent)
naylene hess 2 years ago
Bro same im worried about doing that to my future kids but at least i will try to make up for it if i can 😭
Load More Replies... DancingPanda 3 years ago
And then they get mad for you not doing things immediately, or say that you’re being rude and disrespectful for asking multiple times and that they don’t owe it to you, it’s a treat
Gemma Cadd 3 years ago
This one is relatable. I ask my mom if she can do something (sign a paper for school, help me with a project, etc), she says in a minute, and then it will be three hours before I have to remind her about it. Sometimes she even calls my sister to dinner but doesn't even call me
Lucas 3 years ago
You mean you're the one saying 'in a minute' and forgetting? Or you're the one yelling and demanding of the forgetful parent? Frankly, if a parent reads these and ups their game, MARVELLOUS. If a child reads these I hope they at least realise they're not alone and it says something about the parent and NOT THEM.
Load More Replies... Phoenix Connor 3 years ago
I get that too. I ask if they want to watch something with me and all I get is "maybe another time, I'm tired". When is that "another time"?
#15
April Stephens 3 years ago
This is a great post, and writing the kids' observations like this is a great idea. So my comment is a little besides the point, but what I want to confess as a parent is that playing with a 5-year-old is intense. I can do a few minutes at a time, a few minutes every day, of tickling or pretend play. And I would spend a lot of time, hours a day, with a 5-year-old reading, doing puzzles, or going for a walk, so it's not as if I can't spend time. But playing with toys together is so exhausting because they ask me to build it for them, or they take apart my building/creation/set up of whatever kind. I am not good enough at sharing for that! Anyway, I am going to try to be better after reading this.
majandess 3 years ago
Take heart. I'm also a parent who felt like I couldn't play. That was my husband's thing. Playing for hours. But my son (14) reminds me - every now and then when I feel I'm failing - that sometimes what we do do together is just as much playing. When he was little, to delay going to bed, he would ask me a question about something he wanted to know. And I'd sit with him at my desk and read about it, or look up videos about it, or draw it, or whatever... And that was his bedtime story. We would go on "grand adventures"... Learning about stop lights, we would chase yellow lights through downtown and talk about what the colors mean. We've followed garbage trucks and gotten lessons about how they work from the sanitation workers who caught us. We've been invited to learn about roasting coffee because the owner of a shop caught us wondering and talking about it. My son has loved every second. So, take heart... What kids mean when they say "play" is "spend time".
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Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
I'm physically limited due to a health condition, it kills me that I can't run around the park with my youngest two kids the way I did with my older two - but instead we play board games, do crafts, bake, Lego, draw etc - I do my best but I'd love to be able to do more active things with them
GPZ 3 years ago
Sadly, the lack of time to play with your children, particularly when they're this age, can be a function of the cost of living and both parents having to work to just to be able to pay the rent and put food on the table
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Yes! And it's not just this generation, either. My mother was a stay at home mom, and I can't really remember her playing with us. We are 5 siblings, the largest age gap is 5 years. She was cooking, doing laundry etc., we'd keep ourselves occupied! We had a yard to play in, we had friends and imagination! Our twins are not even 2 years old and, while they love playing with us, they are fine playing just with each other or alone. It's a stark contrast to children I see at the playground, who need attention all the time to the point where they ask me (a stranger) to watch them on the swings. My stepdaughter (6), who was an only child until the twins, wants much more attention than I can give, and what's more, she isn't happy with doing household stuff with me, like the twins. She needs full focus on her, and that's really difficult with 5 people and a cat living together.
Load More Replies... Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
The trouble with a single child. I can NEVER remember wanting my parents to play with me. More like "Just leave me alone!"
Julie 3 years ago
I can remember someone of an older generation say they thought it was weird when parents play with kids because they didn't know anyone who did that. And I thought about it and mine never did. It's not to say they didn't do things with us or take us places, but they didn't actually play with us. I'm wondering if it was because everyone had siblings or neighborhood kids they were friends with and it was expected that they should play together, not with their parents.
Laura Pfeifer 2 years ago
I think parents need to be intentional about playing with their kids and engaging with them. We get caught up in being busy and stressed so much! On the other hand… It’s easy for a kid to see someone outside of the family is more playful and fun, because they are not the one with the responsibility. Like a grandparent who is done raising their kids, an aunt, a babysitter.
Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”
“The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.
#16
Alexia 3 years ago
Reminds me of my own cryings to sleep during childhood. I used to hide under the blanket and cover my ears, trying (in vain) not to hear the screams and slammed doors.
Eden Bxl 3 years ago
Same here. I wish I could give this kid a hug right now. Heartbreaking
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Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
Me too, kid, and it's a two-edged sword. On one hand, this made me so embittered, and certain that my feelings and needs were irrelevant to others. On the other hand, surrendering the possibility of fate or others to be my salvation motivated me to find solutions and self-help and to not procrastinate. Still needed therapy to tweak this to a more positive slant now that I own my own wellbeing, but did get that therapy. So glad I did.
Weirdest Bi You’ll Ever Meet 3 years ago
I got therapy around 2 years ago for suicidal depression, anxiety, and PTSD from car accidents and my mom and sister fighting. When I got therapy I realized there was way more than I thought. Eventually, I was diagnosed with autism because I can’t tell emotions apart and I’m awful at telling certain social behaviors. It even goes to hating socks and other types of clothes. I loved my therapist, but I eventually started not liking therapy and eventually go into tears after the appointment. I still have some stuff to go through but sadly my time with my therapist had to end with money problems. I’m glad to that I got therapy too, and I don’t deal with suicide in my head and I’ve learned to control my anxiety + no more PTSD for car accident but sometime I do freak out when someone starts going into a small amount of arguments or even picking on each other. I have to tweak myself but I’m glad that some of these kid got therapy but sadly so early. There was a 4-year-old taking therapy.
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Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
This is why I divorced my first husband. I wouldn't put my kids through living with a miserable mum always on edge and fighting with their dad - best thing I've ever done. Now, I couldn't tell you last time I argued with my husband, it's been years since an all out argument - we barely even bicker and if we do it's in jest usually. I don't want to be always fighting, and the kids deserve a happy home
#17
The Radio Demon 3 years ago
You shouldn't EVER ask a kid to take a side. That's not fair to the kid or the parents!!!
Load More Replies... Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
Kids should NEVER EVER EVER EVER be asked to take sides in parental conflict. In fact, parents should actively discourage kids from taking sides.
Cass Malone 3 years ago
Your parents aren't supposed to make you pick sides. This is even taught in parenting classes when it comes to divorce
Ren Karlej 3 years ago
My sister is a divorce lawyer. A parent NOT expecting a child to take sides is rarer than hens' teeth. The number of times they say 'I'm doing this for my child's sake' and yet are just actually trying to score points over the other parent is beyond belief. She's seen numerous cases where the child is brainwashed into hating the other parent.
Load More Replies... CD Mills 3 years ago
My parents had a bad marriage, they finally divorced when I was ten. My mom always made a big deal about telling people that she never talked bad about my dad to or in front of me. Just another one of her lies. She constantly called him names, she complained about everything he ever did, she regaled us with things said and done during arguments. She would embellish every story to make him look like he had horns and a pointy tail. She would encourage me to tell other people things my dad supposedly said or did but I was a shy kids so I never did. I didn't think I could tell a lie without people knowing so I didn't say anything. Basically, if my mom told you anything about her life/past it was probably a lie to make her look better in your eyes.
DoNotGoGentleIntoThatGoodNight 2 years ago
My Narcissistic mother always expect me to side with her....whenever I explain my frustrations about her, My father becomes very dismissive and encourages me to be on her side. It just makes me hate her more.
#18
Zee 3 years ago
When I'm on my phone I have to get off of it because "I'm not spending time with my family" but when my parents are on my phone "It'll just be for a second" I'm sitting there watching them for 20 minutes before I leave.
Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago (edited)
...but when I'm on my phone for literally 15 min to talk to my friends, the only reason I'm still alive, I get yelled at because I'm "addicted to the internet". I checked my mum's phone screen time once. In one day alone she spent 6hrs on Instagram. I checked my screen time, and the total for all of the apps was 30 minutes. Like what.
ACosmicFool 2 years ago
my god. these parents shouldn't be breeding. if you're not educated on parenting enough that your 9 year old son/daughter turns out like this, you shouldn't have a child. breaks my heart, this post.
A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.
“See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.
#19
ForThePeople 3 years ago
I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.
Kat Min 3 years ago
It is a fun, realxing game, but it is also a time waster. Great to play when you're on the trian to work but really not ok to play when your real life people are around you.
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Elaine Roberts 3 years ago
I like Candy Crush but it’s not in the same league of importance as my children.
Arne Timmer 3 years ago
I know I will get downvoted, but it is a s**t game. There is no need to prioritize it over a kid.
#20
a fruity dream of delusion 3 years ago
this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time
Lex <3 (they/them) 2 years ago
Lusion. I didn't know you, but if you were here right now you would see how much we all miss you.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
This is when it’s gotten so bad for the kid they start acting up, because ANY attention, even bad attention, is better than NO attention at all. Yes, it’s f****d up—-but it was f****d up by the parents, not the kid.
Lori w 3 years ago
I remember my friends saying, "What's so bad for wanting attention?" And it really resonated with me. If a loved one is doing something for "attention", find a way to give them positive attention. Appreciate a hobby of theirs, ask for their input, work on something together, thank them for doing chores, or plan a day together. It's hard to want to be kind when you feel annoyed or angry, and sometimes family outings don't go as planned, but listening to their wants and needs and find a compromise. It can really go far.
RM Ker 3 years ago
Good point! As a behavior interventionist I taught parents to ignore negative behaviors, but it doesnt really work if they just ignore their kids all the time. Parents will see a lot less negative attention seeking behaviors if they take the time to sit and really connect with their child every day. Kids have the most interesting things to say.
Populus tremuloides(they/them) 2 years ago (edited)
And then your mental health gets worse and you develop dangerous behaviors and they tell you you're doing it for attention. I didn't understand why they thought that at first because who would want the kind of attention you get for that, having everything taken away and people control every little thing while treating you like a nuisance? But now nobody cares to help anymore and the only thing that would make them care is a plan & intent but even when I have that I can't say or they'll take away everything again. Meanwhile they've demonized attention seeking so much, like it makes any real problems you have fake, that the worst thing possible is attention seeking and I can only say stuff like this anonymously online or I'll be a liar even if everything I say is true.
Hakunamawhatnow 2 years ago
This one hits me personally as a mom and made me realise that I need to take it as a personal reminder when my kid is achting up. Thank you!
#21
LazyPanda 3 years ago
Thank you for that humility and acknowledgement...everyone's sympathy is fine. But the real best response is a parent saying wow, I have to do something. Most beautiful response
Load More Replies... Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
These are hurting my heart so much! I want to hug all these kids!
PrincessTheSiameseKat 3 years ago
Phones are practical, but you can't constantly be on them. The other day I was at a restaurant and I saw so many people (parents, young couples, large groups of friends) on their phones instead of talking to each other while they were there. why make plans in the first place if you are going to ignore your company?
Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.
"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.
#22
Tracy Butler 3 years ago
No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️
Gladys Hayes Southerland 2 years ago
I respect my dad because he never asked me to take sides & if he knew anything bad Abt my mom, he never said so to me
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Nandy Nam 3 years ago
What can I say ... if my mom gets mad at me , she then go and talk sh!t about me to my kids (single mom here living with her mom) ... so now my older son just avoids me ... I am just so heart broken :(
Gladys Hayes Southerland 2 years ago (edited)
My dad did that until l told him " your dad did that to all of you & all of ya'll are a mess. That will not happen with my children. If you want to know or say something, you talk to me. They will always come & tell me what you say about me. One more time & l promise, you will never see them again." He knew l meant it & to the day he died, he never did it again. You have to set firm boundaries or they will repeat the trash cycle with your children. It is truly hard when you are dependent on them & this is so wrong.
Load More Replies... Natassja Moore 3 years ago
I hate this whole post! My birth parents did the same thing my whole childhood. I just don't listen anymore.
DancingPanda 3 years ago
I feel this, my dad gets so mad at my mom or constantly complains to me about her, I never hear him tell me how he loves her or forgives her, just how “she always does this” or how annoying she’s being and how it’s an inconvenience to him, she doesn’t talk bad about him, if his mistakes come up she talks about how she worked it out with him and loves him even through his faults and they’re a team and she forgives him, I wish she would leave him, he makes me uncomfortable and sad and angry
ObsidianAce_ 3 years ago
My parents divorced when I was 6, alcoholic dad got me on weekends and mom got me during week. Dad would say absolutely unnecessary things and curse my mother out, saying “your mother is ___” and “she deserves ___” I’d tell her this because I thought he wanted me to, and she’d start crying, and I’d think I made her cry. It was so confusing.
Ren Karlej 3 years ago
You weren't to know, so I hope you don't blame yourself. He wanted you to do this, he wanted to hurt her. HE made her cry, he just made you the innocent messenger.
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Rylee Evergreen🦋 3 years ago
OH MY GOSH, THIS! My dad would talk c**p about my mom (who I was closer to) CONSTANTLY and I haaaaaaated it SO Much
And my name's Jennifer 2 years ago
Especially when they talk right in front of you and act like you can't hear
#23
Mokayokok 3 years ago
This is most parents. We don't want to unload our issue(s) onto you, it wouldn't be fair, and we love you too much to do that to you. It is not because we're trying to deceive you, we are actually trying to protect your well being.
Bethany Heller 3 years ago
Yeah. But isn't it still fair that they say "I'm having a rough day"? That's not unloading, but it's still the trust and honesty this kid wants. I have one parent who is very emotionally repressive and one who treats me like a therapist. I do think the first is better, but I still wish I grew up with his trust.
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Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
I've learned that giving basic info to my kids saves a lot if drama - like today I've been exhausted and in pain (cheers fibromyalgia) so my mood is a bit miserable - i don't pretend to be fine, a simple "I'm having a sore/tired day" let's my kids know I'm not in a mood, especially not in a bad mood with them, and mostly they are then happy to have a nice quiet day watching movies snuggled on the sofa with blankets. Pretending to be fine never works, kids aren't daft, and usually will keep asking if you try to rob them off. You don't need to go into details but if I expect them to be honest with me then it's only right I am honest with them. I especially don't want them thinking my mood is a result of something they did and blaming themselves
Mika N 3 years ago
I could see it being helpful to say something like "I've been a little stressed and sad lately, it's been hard day. But it means a lot to me that you noticed and wanted to check in with me, knowing that you care helps me feel better. I'll be ok." And would set the example for them that they can respond similarly when a parent asks them if they're ok, instead of thinking they also shouldn't burden those around them and need to just hide it.
Ren Karlej 3 years ago
Absolutely this. Some can and do hide things completely, my parents did and we had no idea. Or you admit it and normalise it. Make it a way of teaching that it's okay if life gets a bit ragged at times and how wonderful it is to talk about it with people who care.
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Grudge-holding Treefrog 3 years ago (edited)
It is the opposite for me. Whenever I ask if they are ok they blow up and tell me how of course they aren’t and how it is all my fault. I’ve stopped caring
Lisa Whipp Myhre 2 years ago
I never knew how my mom and stepfather felt because it was "none of my business," but I share a lot with my kids, mostly because they need to know that I'm not superhuman or without feelings.
DuckDuckGooseberry 1 year ago
Making you ask more than once before they admit what the issue is, even though it's obvious there IS one.
Lana Jig-maker 3 years ago
This one I don't get so well. "Makes me not trust myself" not sure what they mean.
Boris’ Mom 3 years ago
If somebody looked like they were “sad“ or “mad, stewing about something“, and then I asked: am I making you sad/mad about something I did? And then they say yeah, but it doesn’t matter. Or yeah, but it’s OK.… And I can tell it’s not OK. I would be confused what I’m supposed to be thinking or feeling or doing, when I’m going through the same thing.… So if I’m sad, I’m supposed to say I’m OK, even when I’m not?!? [ and then feel even worse that I’m not a perfect/big/mature enough person to just “suck up this feeling” and “Just handle it \pretend it’s OK when its way not OK]. Sorry if this is phrased awkwardly. I’m almost 60 and have been in psychotherapy for most of my adult life.
Load More Replies... #24
Captain Az 3 years ago
It's not written by an 8 year old, but by the adult therapist
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WonderWoman 3 years ago
These notes were written BY the therapist relaying WHAT her patients have said - any spelling errors is the therapists
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Better to come from a broken home than to live in one. I know this because I grew up in a home with parents who should’ve divorced long before I was born. Never saw my parents kiss, never heard them say they loved each other—-or us. They slept in separate bedrooms, and barely spoke or even acknowledged each other, except to have the nastiest, no holds barred, arguments/fights where they pulled no emotional punches and said the most personally painful things to each other, for at least my whole life until I left home at 18 (and never looked back). My older brothers may have seen them when they were still in love, and older relatives have told us our parents were crazy in love when they got married, but I never did. My brothers and I would’ve maybe had a chance at having a wonderful stepfather if my parents had divorced. My father was the worst of the two, and if she got away from him, she might’ve once again become the nice person relatives told us she was before marrying him. Plus, my mother was a really pretty woman, and an extremely young looking 40, so would’ve definitely remarried, hopefully to a normal and kind man who just might have been the father us kids never had, and really needed.
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
When my wife was 18 and her sister was 26, they finally managed to convince their parents to get divorced (though there were some real reasons why it was impractical earlier). The relationship between their parents improved immensely, and their lives vastly improved. My FiL remarried, and his second wife has a great relationship with my MiL (my FiL recently passed, and the two still talk on the phone at least once a week). My MiL stayed happily single, and is living her best life at 85.
"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.
#25
3 years ago
My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(
Pamela Keown 3 years ago
maybe -- just maybe yes -- but NO ONE really knows what is inside - some people do not communicate well - she may miss you - YOU do NOT know
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Lulu 3 years ago
My mom also lied a lot and hid her feelings. She never took time to talk to me, to connect to me. I grew up with an emptiness inside me and now i feel angry and frustrated. I told her many times i want us to work it out and to try and have a better relationship. She pretends like she doesn't know what i'm talking about. Makes me wanna shake her and scream at her to wake up
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
I'm an absolutely horrific liar, I just can't seem to do it, about anything - it's all over my face. I get away with nothing, so I don't even try anymore.
Malena Calloway 2 years ago
Yeah or like when they try to pretend they're not talking about you , it like i know what you do when you're talking about someone else,you really think I am stupid enough to nit realize it's the same thing
#26
Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
The kids do, until they don't. We're hard-wired to love our parents, but even the most hard-wired behavior and emotions can be eliminated, if there are strong enough incentives Abuse is a VERY strong incentive.
Channon Doughty 3 years ago
I don't think I ever loved my biological father. I never liked him either. Sicko monster who needs to be eliminated.
Load More Replies... Lori w 3 years ago
This is sad but true. My step son's mom was caught doing meth. So my spouse and I got custody for 7 months. The mom got sober, went to meetings, etc. Met all the requirements set by the court to get her kids back. When she got him back, he ran full speed into her arms. Even though I've never done drugs, love him, take care of him, he'll always love her more than me because she's his mom. She's hit him, abused him, and he still loves her more. The mom has created a codependent relationship with her son, and as a step parent, it's devastating because legally she has more rights than I do.
cartoon ghosts 2 years ago
Not really. I don't like my mom as a person and she refuses to accept that I'm not her and I'm not my sister and I'm not who she wanted me to be. She loves the concept of her 'youngest daughter' who doesn't exist. She has a daughter and she has a son and she will not accept that
DancingPanda 3 years ago
I try not to, but I do, it’s bad for me, but I do, I know they don’t deserve my love, but I can’t help it, I hate them, despise them, but somehow still have some love that I wish I can get rid of, they are not good parents, and have admites it, and guilted me for not liking them, ugh, how do I get out of this
DancingPanda 3 years ago
I try not to, but I do, it’s bad for me, but I do, I know they don’t deserve my love, but I can’t help it, I hate them, despise them, but somehow still have some love that I wish I can get rid of, they are not good parents, and have admites it, and guilted me for not liking them, ugh, how do I get out of this.
#27
harpling 3 years ago
There is a very fine line between punishment and abuse. People who don't know where that line is should not be in charge of children.
The Radio Demon 3 years ago
As well as a line between "punishment well-deserved" and "unfair consequence." When I was younger, I used to slam my door a lot whenever I was mad. So, my parents took off my door for two days, and hung a black blanket over my doorframe instead, for privacy. It's a well-deserved, and I learned from it.
Load More Replies... Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
Too many people in the country do not know the difference between punishment and discipline. So they either allow their kids to do whatever the kid wants without any consequences, because "I don't believe in punishing". On the opposite end, some parents make their kids' lives miserable because of every little infraction of whatever "rules" the parent decides on, whether it makes sense, or whether the kid even understands how the two are connected.
Kitty Jordan 3 years ago
I'm torn on this one. There are times when punishment is needed. If you have a kid who hit their baby sibling or something, then yeah, they need to experience some kind of consequences (age-appropriate and never, ever physical) to teach them not to do that again. Sometimes a punishment is meant to make you feel bad, so you learn that you don't want to do it again. Like if a punishment is that I have to apologize to the sibling I hit, that's going to make me feel bad because I feel guilty and ashamed, and that makes me realize that I don't want to feel that way again. Now if this kid is talking about an honest mistake that gets punished, or a physical punishment, then totally agree.
Teri Miller 3 years ago
My dad would make me put my hands on the bed post and threatened to break them if removed, while he beat me. I'm 68 and it could have been yesterday. Kids don't forget.
poiplescales 3 years ago
And yet somehow they expect you to still love them.
Load More Replies... poiplescales 3 years ago
Discipline for me growing up was just getting hit, with the occasional talking to. As a kid I preferred the beatings because they were over faster. Now my default thought when something isn't working is just hit it until it does.
Origami Chik3n 3 years ago
Punishment (especially physical) teaches kids to not get caught and to lie before they even have time to think what to say to "what you're doing?" (even if they are not doing anything wrong). Also, most of the time punishment is actually just adults venting, because no family that i know of has a "penal code", therefore they chose the severity of punishment based on their own level of frustration at the time. It teaches that "family" is nothing more than people you are forced to live with by circumstances and will leave as soon as you get the chance. Kids will choose to study in another town not necessarily because the university there is better, but because it puts some distance.
Alexandra Henderson 2 years ago
Corrective action is always better than punishment when it comes to basic learning for someone regardless of age. If you can correct the behavior through explanation that will always be more affective than punishment.
Tony Paul 3 years ago
it honestly depends on what you did and what the punishment was. it helped me a few times
Chlyri 2 years ago
punishment unrelated to the crime is abuse. spanking is abuse because it teaches nothing constructive.
Load More Replies... ANTIVICTORIA 2 years ago
Why is this here? The point of punishment isn't to make anyone feel better. An 8-year-old doesn't have the capacity to determine if it helps, or doesn't help.
FluffyDreg 2 years ago
Punishment is meant to teach. Yes even an 8 year old able to determine if they learnt something. If they aren't; then the Punishment is not able to do anything.
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"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.
He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."
#28
Alleman Jennifer 2 years ago
The saddest thing I heard a kid say was he was happiest when his mom was on meth because then she cleaned the house and cooked and did laundry and took care of him and his siblings. He was in sixth grade
Alexandra Sanders 3 years ago
as a kid, I completely understand all of this...i just want my grammas attension. It hurts being 12 and not being listened to :´(
Gloria Mendoza 3 years ago
Sad, but is anyone turning off that damn cell phone and listening; actually listening to their kids. Your kids are your responsibility not the babysitter, teachers, your mom and dad, etc.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
My youngest and oldest son have adhd - the youngest is 5 and it can be exhausting, but I try to remember this fact as much as I possibly can. Today has been a struggle, I adore my boys, they're awesome and I'd kill for a fraction of their energy - sometimes I just need a wee break from the constant hyper behaviour - especially when they refuse to sleep until 8am!
laura lee 3 years ago
I'm glad they are a lot of surprised and saddened people here, not bc I'm some misery junkie, but that means, by they looks of it anyway, that maybe the majority of kids out there aren't being raised with such abuse. Bc I read these and can only commiserate with them. I'm sad for us ofc, but very happy it seems most people didn't have this
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Cami 3 years ago
Many people say I'm selfish because I don't want children. Now, to have kids and don't give all the love and attention they need, that's selfishness.
ace lesbian demigirl(she/they) 3 years ago
I love kids, but I don't want to have any myself. But same, @Cami
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Happy_Pandalover 3 years ago
This is sad and reminds us to listen to children/teens more. Most of the comments suggest that the parents take them for granted and/or think that they are too young to understand.
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
So many mention parents being on their phones all the time. One wonders what will become of children who get scant attention because Dad is texting all the time and Mom is playing Angry Birds.
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foxgirl158 3 years ago
I cried in my classroom reading this. I relate to a lot of these. My friends have been saying for a while that stuff I thought was normal, isn’t. This just confirms what they’ve been telling me.
ace lesbian demigirl(she/they) 3 years ago
I just reread this with a friend during lunch and I was internally hurting while procrastinating in class.
Load More Replies...
CP 3 years ago
The hard part for me as a parent is that I learned from my parents and they weren't the best. I told my seven year old that. I yell too much sometimes and I know it is wrong. I let him know daddy did a wrong thing and that I am trying to unlearn the way I was raised. We are lucky in a sense though. My son gets services because he had a stroke in utero (you can't tell because an infant's brain is pliable and can overcome it). We have a behavioral therapist and I have learned so many positive good ways to parent from the therapist. The therapist even says it is tough to unlearn what your parents taught you about parenting, but the good thing is I realized it and have become a much better parent since. I still have work to do, but everything is getting better.
Powerful Katrinka 3 years ago
It speaks volumes about you that you have not only listened to the therapist, but have used that to grow as a parent. I've seen way too many parents who instantly react to whatever a therapist says as criticism and being attacked. You are doing a phenomenal job!
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
They are people. Treat them as people, not pets. (My mom on children/teens.)
Buren 3 years ago
Why pets deserve less? They are family too, I know you meant well, but please don't indicate that pets deserve less, I have to strongly disagree.
Load More Replies...
L Johnson 2 years ago
I once gave advice to a guy at the casino, I know he just didn't want to hear it but I had to. As he was playing slots, his phone rang every 5 minutes, and I heard him say "I'm leaving right now" every single time. I finally asked "who's calling you?". He said his kids. I asked him " how old are they?" And they were pretty young. I told him "I wish I could go back to those days and play with my kids and ask them what's going on in their life". "I am 70 years old and my kids live about 5 hours away. I can drive there without a problem but I can't do it every day. Sometimes I miss them because of that and I can't afford to move closer to them. I just didn't realize when I was younger that we wouldn't see each other as much. ZOOM is not the same as hugging them." He got up and left. A little while later he came back and said he was headed home and that what I said shook him up. I hope so! And I have no kids. I made it up.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I was in a Barnes and Noble parking lot one day and a woman was standing there with her 2 year old in her arms, the child was screaming and crying while the mom chose to stand there and shoot the breeze with a friend of hers. Later that day, I saw a woman gossiping on her phone even while her 9 year old daughter tried to get her attention. My son, 22 and autistic, asked why the kids were upset. I told him because the parents were ignoring them. Now my son is blunt, so when we passed by the little girl and her mom, he stopped and told the little girl "I'm sorry your mom is ignoring you." The woman looked shocked and annoyed, but it had the desired effect because she got off the phone. She gave me the stink eye throughout the store, but I've never been so proud of my son as I was at that moment.
naylene hess 2 years ago
Its a 2year old. They scream when you won't let them do stuff that will literally kill them. They are in the boundary testing stage
Load More Replies...
Whitney Anderson 3 years ago
My parents think every wrong thing I do deserves punishment. They take away the car so I can't get to practice, they take away all electronics and T.V, they have a lock on the pantry and they lock it when they are mad so I can't get food out of there. They also lock the treat box and soda fridge. And so many other things. My mom sometimes doesn't talk to me to weeks at a time (like right now) and I am consistently in my room for days (like I am right now) not talking to them, both us of being rude to each other, and I cry every single night, silent crying to the point where I can barely breath, because I know how much they wish they had never had me. My dad is alright but I know my mom truly hates me. I hate it and I feel so sorry for her that I'm in her life but I hate her as well at the same time, its so confusing. I'm 16.
Lisalisa 2 years ago
Whitney -- withholding food (not sodas or treats, but real food) is abuse categorized as neglect. Tell your.teacher!
Load More Replies...
Cami 3 years ago
Many people say I'm selfish because I don't want children. Now, to have kids and don't give all the love and attention they need, that's selfishness.
ace lesbian demigirl(she/they) 3 years ago
I love kids, but I don't want to have any myself. But same, @Cami
Load More Replies... Happy_Pandalover 3 years ago
This is sad and reminds us to listen to children/teens more. Most of the comments suggest that the parents take them for granted and/or think that they are too young to understand.
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
So many mention parents being on their phones all the time. One wonders what will become of children who get scant attention because Dad is texting all the time and Mom is playing Angry Birds.
Load More Replies... foxgirl158 3 years ago
I cried in my classroom reading this. I relate to a lot of these. My friends have been saying for a while that stuff I thought was normal, isn’t. This just confirms what they’ve been telling me.
ace lesbian demigirl(she/they) 3 years ago
I just reread this with a friend during lunch and I was internally hurting while procrastinating in class.
Load More Replies... CP 3 years ago
The hard part for me as a parent is that I learned from my parents and they weren't the best. I told my seven year old that. I yell too much sometimes and I know it is wrong. I let him know daddy did a wrong thing and that I am trying to unlearn the way I was raised. We are lucky in a sense though. My son gets services because he had a stroke in utero (you can't tell because an infant's brain is pliable and can overcome it). We have a behavioral therapist and I have learned so many positive good ways to parent from the therapist. The therapist even says it is tough to unlearn what your parents taught you about parenting, but the good thing is I realized it and have become a much better parent since. I still have work to do, but everything is getting better.
Powerful Katrinka 3 years ago
It speaks volumes about you that you have not only listened to the therapist, but have used that to grow as a parent. I've seen way too many parents who instantly react to whatever a therapist says as criticism and being attacked. You are doing a phenomenal job!
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
They are people. Treat them as people, not pets. (My mom on children/teens.)
Buren 3 years ago
Why pets deserve less? They are family too, I know you meant well, but please don't indicate that pets deserve less, I have to strongly disagree.
Load More Replies... L Johnson 2 years ago
I once gave advice to a guy at the casino, I know he just didn't want to hear it but I had to. As he was playing slots, his phone rang every 5 minutes, and I heard him say "I'm leaving right now" every single time. I finally asked "who's calling you?". He said his kids. I asked him " how old are they?" And they were pretty young. I told him "I wish I could go back to those days and play with my kids and ask them what's going on in their life". "I am 70 years old and my kids live about 5 hours away. I can drive there without a problem but I can't do it every day. Sometimes I miss them because of that and I can't afford to move closer to them. I just didn't realize when I was younger that we wouldn't see each other as much. ZOOM is not the same as hugging them." He got up and left. A little while later he came back and said he was headed home and that what I said shook him up. I hope so! And I have no kids. I made it up.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
I was in a Barnes and Noble parking lot one day and a woman was standing there with her 2 year old in her arms, the child was screaming and crying while the mom chose to stand there and shoot the breeze with a friend of hers. Later that day, I saw a woman gossiping on her phone even while her 9 year old daughter tried to get her attention. My son, 22 and autistic, asked why the kids were upset. I told him because the parents were ignoring them. Now my son is blunt, so when we passed by the little girl and her mom, he stopped and told the little girl "I'm sorry your mom is ignoring you." The woman looked shocked and annoyed, but it had the desired effect because she got off the phone. She gave me the stink eye throughout the store, but I've never been so proud of my son as I was at that moment.
naylene hess 2 years ago
Its a 2year old. They scream when you won't let them do stuff that will literally kill them. They are in the boundary testing stage
Load More Replies... Whitney Anderson 3 years ago
My parents think every wrong thing I do deserves punishment. They take away the car so I can't get to practice, they take away all electronics and T.V, they have a lock on the pantry and they lock it when they are mad so I can't get food out of there. They also lock the treat box and soda fridge. And so many other things. My mom sometimes doesn't talk to me to weeks at a time (like right now) and I am consistently in my room for days (like I am right now) not talking to them, both us of being rude to each other, and I cry every single night, silent crying to the point where I can barely breath, because I know how much they wish they had never had me. My dad is alright but I know my mom truly hates me. I hate it and I feel so sorry for her that I'm in her life but I hate her as well at the same time, its so confusing. I'm 16.
Lisalisa 2 years ago
Whitney -- withholding food (not sodas or treats, but real food) is abuse categorized as neglect. Tell your.teacher!
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