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“AITA For Expecting My Ex-GF To Move Out After She Broke Up With Me?”
Interview With ExpertBreakups are already tricky enough to deal with. You’re parting ways with someone you’ve emotionally invested in, and in some cases, it may take a while before you can bounce back.
What can complicate these situations further is if the couple was living together. This was what a woman went through after breaking up with her live-in boyfriend. Upon realizing she may end up homeless, she tried to get back with him and “work things out.”
The man, however, thought it was only fair to kick out his former partner, who ultimately broke his heart. Read the entire story below, along with the short conversations we had with a few experts.
RELATED:
Breakups become more complicated if the couple had been living together
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
This couple had been living together for two years, until things got problematic one day
Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman ended up calling for a break-up, resulting in her getting kicked out of her ex-boyfriend’s home
Image credits: Alena Darmel/Pexels (not the actual photo)
She tried to come back to him to work things out, but he believes he should stand his ground
Image credits: SnapNo51
There is an upside to continuing to live together after a breakup
Image credits: Timur Weber/Pexels (not the actual photo)
There are obvious drawbacks to continuing to live together after a breakup. As licensed mental health counselor Jennifer Vincent, LMHC, CSAYC, tells Bored Panda, it can blur emotional lines and prolong the healing process.
As she pointed out, resentment can build quickly, especially if one partner continues to hold on to the hope of getting back together while the other is emotionally checked out.
However, there are upsides, too, albeit short-term. According to Garry Greenberg, Esq., founder of The Smart Law Group and a veteran divorce lawyer, it can help the couple address their issues, especially if they aren’t yet married. It can also provide financial assistance.
In the story’s case, the woman would be left in a financial bind if she were to move out. And given that the couple had been together for years, should the man feel obligated to help his former partner?
“No, the end of the relationship should end any responsibility of any kind,” said Greenberg, who has 40 years of experience under his belt.
“Otherwise, the partner in ‘dire straits’ is going to use that guilt to hold the other partner in a relationship that is ended. This is not healthy for either partner.”
You can always support a former partner, but not at the expense of your inner peace
Image credits: Alex Green/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Despite the breakup, the author seems to still care for his former partner. He said it himself: “I don’t want to see her crash and burn.” However, his apprehension about continuing with the living situation is also understandable.
If he does decide to help her in some way, Vincent says the man should not sacrifice his inner peace.
“That might look like helping them connect to resources, giving them a realistic timeline, or supporting them from a distance,” she advises.
Offering financial support may also be an option. However, relationship therapist Rebecca Williams, LMFT, emphasizes the importance of firm boundaries.
“If you say they need to be out in 3 months, you actually need to ask them to leave in 3 months. If you say 3 months and then allow them to stay for 6, that’s on you,” she said.
The author should stand by his decision, especially if he feels like it would be the best for the situation. Suddenly going back on his word would make him look indecisive, even weak and less respectable.
Most people sided with the man and compelled him not to take her back
But some believed he was at fault
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What do you think ?
StrangeOne 8 months ago
Why can't she pitch in with the household chores? Her homework can't be that extreme that she has absolutely no free time away from studying. If it is, perhaps the course is over her head and she should have pursued a field better in line with her abilities. He's not obligated to keep her there, either. Unless he has a written tenant/landlord contract with her, he's not under tenancy laws that dictate he has to give her any time at all to leave. She should have planned better and done more to secure herself in the event of a relationship break down before deciding to take advantage of her accommodating boyfriend-now-ex.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I don't know what degree OP's ex is pursuing, but my little cousin has TWO Masters degrees (one is in teaching/education, not sure about the other) and she still managed to volunteer for church stuff, work at her parents' business, and help care for her dad (who has Parkinson's) while she was getting both degrees. Yes, she lived at home with her parents (a few houses down from where I live) and her coursework was heavy, but she still managed to work, help with her dad's care and help around the house, and do her churchy stuff while earning her degrees. I doubt OP's ex has ZERO free time.
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Mel in Georgia 8 months ago
Hot take, but it sounds like she thought she had it figured out until the relationship just wasn't working. The excuses about his maintenance of the house could just be what she could come up with when she just wasn't feeling it. I feel for them both. He's absolutely entitled to give her the boot, but I get both his feelings of guilt and her feelings of panic. He's held up his end of the relationship, however, and it's up to her to figure out how to move forward without his support. Good luck to them both!
Nils Skirnir 8 months ago
She’s likely 25+, she should be able to figure it out. She could even take out loans or try for support. Or work with the school find a part time job. Probably her issue is that to do this she’ll have to take a drop in standard of living. I.e. shared housing and rice and beans. Poor baby
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StrangeOne 8 months ago
Why can't she pitch in with the household chores? Her homework can't be that extreme that she has absolutely no free time away from studying. If it is, perhaps the course is over her head and she should have pursued a field better in line with her abilities. He's not obligated to keep her there, either. Unless he has a written tenant/landlord contract with her, he's not under tenancy laws that dictate he has to give her any time at all to leave. She should have planned better and done more to secure herself in the event of a relationship break down before deciding to take advantage of her accommodating boyfriend-now-ex.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I don't know what degree OP's ex is pursuing, but my little cousin has TWO Masters degrees (one is in teaching/education, not sure about the other) and she still managed to volunteer for church stuff, work at her parents' business, and help care for her dad (who has Parkinson's) while she was getting both degrees. Yes, she lived at home with her parents (a few houses down from where I live) and her coursework was heavy, but she still managed to work, help with her dad's care and help around the house, and do her churchy stuff while earning her degrees. I doubt OP's ex has ZERO free time.
Load More Replies... Mel in Georgia 8 months ago
Hot take, but it sounds like she thought she had it figured out until the relationship just wasn't working. The excuses about his maintenance of the house could just be what she could come up with when she just wasn't feeling it. I feel for them both. He's absolutely entitled to give her the boot, but I get both his feelings of guilt and her feelings of panic. He's held up his end of the relationship, however, and it's up to her to figure out how to move forward without his support. Good luck to them both!
Nils Skirnir 8 months ago
She’s likely 25+, she should be able to figure it out. She could even take out loans or try for support. Or work with the school find a part time job. Probably her issue is that to do this she’ll have to take a drop in standard of living. I.e. shared housing and rice and beans. Poor baby
Load More Replies...
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