“Nope Nope Nope”: Man Pauses Engagement As Fiancée Goes To Extremes To Honor BF She Lost

There isn’t exactly a right or wrong way to grieve, and people might just do whatever feels best to them in the moment. This can become a problem if they decide to remarry, but they still can’t seem to get over the person they lost, which might make their new love feel second best.

This is what one man faced when his fiancée came up with elaborate plans to be implemented in their wedding so that she could honor the boyfriend she lost. This made the man feel like he was going to be sharing his special day with a ghost.

More info: Reddit

When it comes to grief, people might do all sorts of things to pay tribute, but they must also be mindful of the feelings of the other people in their life

Bride and groom celebrating engagement hold with friends outdoors, smiling and raising glasses in a joyful moment.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster shared that he and his partner had been together for four years, and that before that, she had lost her previous boyfriend

Couple discussing putting their engagement on hold due to girlfriend wanting late boyfriend’s ashes at wedding.

Woman holding an engagement ring while gently holding her late boyfriend’s ashes in a heartfelt moment.

Alt text: Bride plans engagement ceremony with late boyfriend’s ashes in jewelry and urn near altar to feel his presence.

Black urn holding late boyfriend's ashes placed on table with flowers in softly lit home setting.

Image credits: sananimtiaz383 / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Since the couple was planning their wedding, the woman said she wanted to have her boyfriend’s urn near the altar, his photo at the reception, and to wear his ashes

Text about feeling uncomfortable with engagement holding late boyfriend's ashes at the wedding, sharing the day uneasily.

Text displaying a message about being upset and insecure over a late boyfriend's ashes sparking a full blown argument.

Text excerpt showing someone explaining they have put everything on pause and are not moving forward with planning.

Couple having a heated argument indoors, expressing frustration and emotions about engagement and late boyfriend's ashes.

Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The man felt uncomfortable with his fiancée going to such great lengths to honor the boyfriend she lost, as he felt he’d be “sharing” his big day

Text excerpt discussing challenges in engagement while managing grief related to late boyfriend’s ashes and wedding plans.

Woman holding an engagement ring box and a small urn containing her late boyfriend's ashes in a heartfelt moment

Image credits: Federal-Valuable1728

Instead of comforting her partner, the woman blew up at him, which made him reevaluate everything and put the engagement on pause

Since the poster and his girlfriend had dated for four years and had been engaged for eight months, they had a good understanding of each other. That’s why, when the woman mentioned that she wanted to honor the boyfriend she lost at their wedding, the man understood her grief and didn’t think too much of it.

According to experts, it can be extremely touching to honor loved ones you have lost at weddings or special events. The best way to do this is by displaying their photographs so other people can pay their respects, or even by reserving them a seat at the main table so that they are acknowledged. 

Unfortunately, in this case, the grieving woman had several ways that she wanted to honor her boyfriend, which left the poster shocked. She expected a photo of him to be displayed at the reception, his urn to be placed right near the altar, and she also wanted to wear a necklace with his ashes on it during the ceremony.

Although these are beautiful ways to pay respects to a lost loved one, they can definitely make one’s partner feel like second best. That’s why wedding advisors state that people should first focus on their spouse-to-be and not go overboard honoring the partner they lost, as this can overshadow the purpose of the big day.

Two women in black mourning at a gravesite, one holding flowers, the other crying, reflecting engagement hold late boyfriends ashes.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Since the man felt so uncomfortable with his grieving fiancée’s suggestions, he talked to her about it, but she didn’t seem to understand his perspective at all. Instead, she called him out for being “jealous” and “insecure,” which baffled him because he just didn’t want to have to share his big day. 

It can certainly be tough for widowed people to “move on” from the partner that they lost, which is why they might find themselves constantly comparing their new relationship to their old one. That’s why professionals state that it’s important for widowers to understand that by loving someone new, they don’t lose out on the connection they had with the person they lost.

The problem is that the woman didn’t seem to understand this, and she probably felt that the poster was undermining her decision. That’s why she kept arguing with him, and he eventually got frustrated and decided to put a pause on their engagement so that he could think things through.

Obviously, neither the OP nor his fiancée must have expected to find themselves in such a situation, but it’s clear that they both needed to get on the same page. It’s possible that if they calmly discuss the matter and hear each other out, they might be able to come to a compromise that satisfies them both.

Whose side are you on in this situation? Do share your honest thoughts in the comments and any suggestions that you might have.

People sided with the poster and felt that his fiancée was going a bit too far in the ways that she wanted to honor the boyfriend she lost

Reddit comment reflecting on engagement hold and late boyfriend’s ashes, discussing memory and relationship boundaries.

Text comment about engagement hold with late boyfriend's ashes, reflecting grief and memory in relationship.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing engagement holding late boyfriend’s ashes and questioning the family’s role and relationship duration.

Comment discussing concerns about engagement hold and late boyfriend's ashes causing emotional conflict and red flags.

Comment from user Electronic_Shower783 expressing sympathy, mentioning jewelry and engagement hold late boyfriends ashes.

Screenshot of a social media comment expressing strong disagreement, related to engagement hold late boyfriends ashes.

Comment expressing disbelief about creating an altar for an ex at a wedding, discussing engagement hold late boyfriends ashes.

Commenter discusses engagement hold and emotional attachment to late boyfriend's ashes on wedding day.

Comment discussing an unresolved relationship and the unhealthy impact of holding on to late boyfriend’s ashes on a wedding day.

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