Man Wonders If It’s Truly ‘Selfish’ And ‘Heartless’ To Ask His Wife To Cancel Her Terminally Ill Father’s Trip To Disney With Their Daughters

We only realize how little time we dedicated to the ones we loved when they are no longer with us. Or even when we find out that the person doesn’t have much longer to live. But at least in this case, we can use the remaining time wisely and create some warm memories with them.

This is what the daughter of a man with terminal cancer thought of doing and wanted her kids to enjoy a trip to Disneyland with their grandfather. But her husband was not very pleased to find out about it, as he always dreamt of his girls going to Disneyland for the first time with him.

More info: Reddit

A dad always wanted to see his daughters experience Disney’s magic as he once did and he didn’t care when his dying father-in-law expressed the same wish

Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)

The Original Poster (OP) is the husband and he has two daughters with his wife, aged 6 and 5, which he considers to be the prime age for Disney. They both are fascinated by the princesses and the whole Disney mythology.

As he remembers his trip to Disney so vividly, he wanted his girls to have the same magical experience and was saving up money to take them there one day. He was looking forward to seeing their faces when they entered the fairy tale world.

The author of the story found his trip to Disney when he was 10 years old to be amazing and wanted his daughters to feel the magic too

Image credits: u/TipProfessional880

But it turns out that his wife went behind his back and agreed with her father that he should be the one taking the girls to Disney. It is because the grandfather doesn’t have much time left to live as he has prostate cancer and he decided not to fight it as it was only getting worse.

The wife didn’t tell the OP about the trip because she wanted to surprise him when it was all set, but the man was not excited about it at all as it was supposed to be their family’s special trip, rather than the girls going with their grandparents.

He and his wife agreed that it would be their big trip once they’d saved up enough money and he was excited to see their faces when they arrived there for the first time

Image credits: u/TipProfessional880

The reaction was unexpected and the wife tried to suggest going together, but according to the OP’s calculations, it would cost $5,000 just for the two of them and they don’t have that kind of money or time to save it up.

So he suggested they cancel the trip completely and the wife disagreed. She also called the OP selfish because this would be one of the last times their daughters could do something exciting with their grandfather and create core memories before he passes, but he was only thinking about how he wouldn’t be the first to take them there.

But he might not be first one to see their reactions because the girls’ grandparents surprised them with a trip to Disney during Christmas

Image credits: Tim Kilby (not the actual image)

Image credits: u/TipProfessional880

People in the comments agreed with the wife and also thought that the man was being selfish as he has time to take the girls to Disney again, but his father-in-law doesn’t. They understood that he had this vision of what it would be like and were pretty confused about the wife hiding that she knew about the trip, but still believed that these new circumstances changed everything and the OP needed to step back.

The husband was pretty upset that they would take away the family experience, but the wife was in on it because her dad was actually dying

Image credits: u/TipProfessional880

Very Well Health stresses that it is important to spend time with a dying loved one as it’s a way to deal with anticipatory grief, which occurs when you know someone is going to die. We don’t know from the story if the girls know about their grandfather’s illness, but even if they don’t, the time spent together will help them with grief afterwards.

Specialists suggest to make the time you spend together meaningful: “Try sharing old photographs or memorabilia. Ask your loved one to share stories about family heirlooms and other possessions like jewelry.” You could also make new photos and videos or read them a book that you could discuss.

He has pretty advanced prostate cancer and doesn’t have much time to live, so he wants to spend it with his family and one of the ways he thought of was this trip

Image credits: u/TipProfessional880

Experts also say that children need to be included in the grieving process and prepared to talk about death as “It can help decrease anxiety, depression, and behavioral problems. Children need to know they will be cared for after the death. They need to understand they won’t be abandoned.”

It’s only a myth that children don’t truly understand what death is so they aren’t affected as deeply that was busted by Vida L. Kennedy and Mari Lloyd-Williams, who conducted research on How Children Cope When A Parent Has Advanced Cancer. They also discovered that “Distraction and maintaining normality were described as the dominant strategies of coping for children, and increased responsibilities and decreased social activity were considered to be the most noticeable of life changes.”

Image credits: Donnie Ray Jones (not the actual image)

So a trip to Disney, especially with the terminally ill loved one, seems like a pretty good solution. Maybe you disagree and think that their grandparents want to be too involved in their granddaughters’ lives and they are the ones robbing the girls of an experience? Or do you agree with the majority who think the dad is making a big deal out of nothing? Let us know in the comments.

The majority of the commenters didn’t really understand the man’s attachment to being the first one to take his daughters on the trip and called him selfish

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