Bride With A Distinct Fashion Style Chooses A Dress Her MIL Doesn’t Like, MIL Buys A Dress Herself And Her Son Is Furious
Sometimes, planning a wedding can be a bit of a headache, to say the least. After all, preparing for one of the most important events in somebody’s life can put quite a bit of stress and pressure on one’s shoulders. That is why it is important that during such an occasion, everybody tries to find compromises and common ground so that everything goes as smoothly as possible.
People, however, can sometimes be hard to convince, even when things shouldn’t be up to them. Someone on Reddit decided to ask if they were wrong to ban their own mother from their wedding because of her constant and rude remarks regarding the Original Poster’s (OP) fiancee’s dress choice. Scroll down for the whole story!
More info: Reddit
This groom decided that his mother wasn’t welcome at his wedding anymore after continuous insults of his fiancee’s dress
Image credits: Foxy Foxy
As most of us can probably agree, the outfits of the newlyweds are some of the main highlights of any wedding. But above everything else, the newlyweds themselves have to enjoy their style. After all, it is their day. In the case of OP’s wedding preparations, among other people, his mother joined in when it came to picking his fiancee’s dress. The fiancee wanted to dress vintage, but OP’s mother thought that to be an inexcusably bad option.
OP starts out by saying that he and his fiancee, who loves to dress vintage, are getting ready for their wedding
Image credits: u/SouthernCabinet9
OP explains that he and his fiancee are getting married and mention that perhaps they’re not doing it at the best time, possibly hinting at the coronavirus pandemic. OP also explains that his fiancee loves to dress vintage, and even though he wouldn’t follow her example, he’s more than used to it. This is very important for the rest of the story.
OP explains that the issue arises when it comes to his mother’s outlook towards his fiancee’s dress code
Image credits: u/SouthernCabinet9
It appears that OP’s mother has a problem with his fiancee’s wedding dress, and for rather peculiar reasons. She managed to make a connection between the fiancee’s fashion choice and certain historical contexts, which point to the exploitation of women. On top of that, OP’s mother is constantly trying to convince the fiancee that she ought to wear something modern, rather than something she would feel good in.
The situation reached its peak when OP’s mother decided to bring a full wedding dress that she picked out to their home, which didn’t go down well
Image credits: Elaine
Image credits: u/SouthernCabinet9
When OP’s mother appeared in his and his fiancee’s home with a wedding dress in her hands, things went off the rails pretty quickly. Not only she was insisting that the fiancee’s dress was not appropriate, but she also started saying things that were truly out of proportion. The mother and son exchanged some things and she was uninvited from the wedding, storming out afterwards. After all this, OP wanted to know if he was wrong to do that.
The commentators stood in unanimous support for OP, saying that he was right in protecting his fiancee’s interests
All in all, it seems from people’s reactions that the OP was indeed right in that situation. Things can always be handled in the most orderly fashion possible, but other times strictness is key in protecting someone’s interests, which is what OP did. What do you think of the situation? Consider leaving a comment!
This one kills me. So many modern wedding dresses are made in sweatshops, with awful working conditions for little pay, almost exclusively by women. If you have the budget, you can avoid this, but it seems to me a modern dress is more potentially concerning from a feminist pov?
YES!!! Thank you!!!! I wish I could upvote your comment a million times. Modern fashion is far worse on the world’s women than vintage fashion. At least a vintage dress wouldn’t require several women paid slave wages to work 15 hour days to make the dress. If MIL is so concerned with the dress saying fiancée wants women to go back to being slaves, she should consider the working conditions of modern sweatshop employees.
Plus imagine someone being triggered by a bride dressing like Emmeline, Sylvia or Christabel Pankhurst or like Ida B. Wells.
Well, that's probably true of vintage dresses as well, it's just that the sweatshop employees that made them are long dead.
The old dresses that she likes were pain staking beautifully created one of a kind dresses. All that hand stitching shows the craftsmanship and care put into it. Almost always made by women too. That’s showing pride and care of more than a century’s old and made to last.
I don't belive this story one bit (just like any other AITA story reposted on BP lately) but I want to thank you for bringing this up. It's not a point of view I previously considered in this context, and it is such an important one!
The mother is just seeking attention and wanting her own way, if she had any actual thoughts about feminism or women's rights, she would not be trying to police what other woman can or cannot choose to wear. No apology needed, she was out of line and deserved to be kicked out the house. I would leave what happens next to the fiance, and just support however she wants it handled. Could be that the fiance genuinely (and correctly) does not care what his mother thinks or says and just wants to get on with her wedding. If she is confident in her own style, and dresses differently on a daily basis, likely she has heard it all before.
Yes she is just using it as an excuse to bully her DIL i am sure
Why would you assume someone is anti-feminist based on their vintage clothing? That's ridiculous.
Yeah, I don't get it either... surely feminism is about equity of choice and options between genders... not freeing yourself from men telling you what you can and can't wear only to then be a slave to other women telling you what you can and can't wear?
That has been an issue in the feminist movement for decades. When I was in college I said once I had kids I wanted to stay home and be a stay at home mom. You would have thought I said I wanted to kill puppies 🙄. I said I believed the whole point of Feminism was choice. The choice to work Anywhere, not work, have kids, not have kids, etc. Yet if you do not follow what the leaders of the movement feel is "feminist enough" you are ruining it. It tends to isolate and repel women not embrace and uplift. Sad.
Hooray for the OP defending his fiancee's choice of wedding dress. His mom is behaving like a brat, and she needs to apologize to the bride-to-be. It's not up to the mom what style of dress is worn. Step aside,MIL!! It's not about you!!!
I’m guessing she doesn’t like the fiancée and this is her passive-aggressive way of getting it across.
I agree, vintage clothes just speak of a simpler time and they just convey a sense of class.. theres been a current trend for 1920's apparel among men and women for awhile now. Many old souls just feel more comfortable in such clothes.
I'm calling b******t on this story. It sounds like someone karma farming with a "crazy feminist" story.
Some of these dresses leave less to the imagination. Some of the dresses of yesteryear are classy and leave the 'merch' to the groom to know alone. Some women show the goods that the other males are supposed to envy the groom on(?). some think sexy is the skimpy wear, some think sexy is what's NOT on display. "you don't advertise, you don't sell", maybe the bride is off the market and sells that message. Sexy is her confidence.
Exactly. It’s a lot like older feminists treating hijabi Muslim women like garbage for their choice to wear hijab. I’ve met so many bra-burning 1970s feminists who violently oppose the rights of Muslim women to wear hijab or burkinis at the beach or long skirts, claiming they hate women and women’s rights basically just for being Muslim. I can’t imagine spending so much time trying to convince someone they’re oppressed bc of the choice they made. The big problem with 2nd wave feminism is it doesn’t care about choice. It wants women shoved into a different box than the anti-feminist 1950s wife box— they still want to control women by forcing us into a box, just now a “feminist” box. Not to say 3rd wave feminism is perfect, but we do try to combat this fault with 2nd wave feminism.
I think that you're misrepresenting here. If a woman truly WANTS TO wear the hijab & chooses to do so, then that's wonderful. What most of us are against is the forcing of women into the hijab. Many of them have no choice and are forced to wear it by their families, their laws, or their traditions.
This one kills me. So many modern wedding dresses are made in sweatshops, with awful working conditions for little pay, almost exclusively by women. If you have the budget, you can avoid this, but it seems to me a modern dress is more potentially concerning from a feminist pov?
YES!!! Thank you!!!! I wish I could upvote your comment a million times. Modern fashion is far worse on the world’s women than vintage fashion. At least a vintage dress wouldn’t require several women paid slave wages to work 15 hour days to make the dress. If MIL is so concerned with the dress saying fiancée wants women to go back to being slaves, she should consider the working conditions of modern sweatshop employees.
Plus imagine someone being triggered by a bride dressing like Emmeline, Sylvia or Christabel Pankhurst or like Ida B. Wells.
Well, that's probably true of vintage dresses as well, it's just that the sweatshop employees that made them are long dead.
The old dresses that she likes were pain staking beautifully created one of a kind dresses. All that hand stitching shows the craftsmanship and care put into it. Almost always made by women too. That’s showing pride and care of more than a century’s old and made to last.
I don't belive this story one bit (just like any other AITA story reposted on BP lately) but I want to thank you for bringing this up. It's not a point of view I previously considered in this context, and it is such an important one!
The mother is just seeking attention and wanting her own way, if she had any actual thoughts about feminism or women's rights, she would not be trying to police what other woman can or cannot choose to wear. No apology needed, she was out of line and deserved to be kicked out the house. I would leave what happens next to the fiance, and just support however she wants it handled. Could be that the fiance genuinely (and correctly) does not care what his mother thinks or says and just wants to get on with her wedding. If she is confident in her own style, and dresses differently on a daily basis, likely she has heard it all before.
Yes she is just using it as an excuse to bully her DIL i am sure
Why would you assume someone is anti-feminist based on their vintage clothing? That's ridiculous.
Yeah, I don't get it either... surely feminism is about equity of choice and options between genders... not freeing yourself from men telling you what you can and can't wear only to then be a slave to other women telling you what you can and can't wear?
That has been an issue in the feminist movement for decades. When I was in college I said once I had kids I wanted to stay home and be a stay at home mom. You would have thought I said I wanted to kill puppies 🙄. I said I believed the whole point of Feminism was choice. The choice to work Anywhere, not work, have kids, not have kids, etc. Yet if you do not follow what the leaders of the movement feel is "feminist enough" you are ruining it. It tends to isolate and repel women not embrace and uplift. Sad.
Hooray for the OP defending his fiancee's choice of wedding dress. His mom is behaving like a brat, and she needs to apologize to the bride-to-be. It's not up to the mom what style of dress is worn. Step aside,MIL!! It's not about you!!!
I’m guessing she doesn’t like the fiancée and this is her passive-aggressive way of getting it across.
I agree, vintage clothes just speak of a simpler time and they just convey a sense of class.. theres been a current trend for 1920's apparel among men and women for awhile now. Many old souls just feel more comfortable in such clothes.
I'm calling b******t on this story. It sounds like someone karma farming with a "crazy feminist" story.
Some of these dresses leave less to the imagination. Some of the dresses of yesteryear are classy and leave the 'merch' to the groom to know alone. Some women show the goods that the other males are supposed to envy the groom on(?). some think sexy is the skimpy wear, some think sexy is what's NOT on display. "you don't advertise, you don't sell", maybe the bride is off the market and sells that message. Sexy is her confidence.
Exactly. It’s a lot like older feminists treating hijabi Muslim women like garbage for their choice to wear hijab. I’ve met so many bra-burning 1970s feminists who violently oppose the rights of Muslim women to wear hijab or burkinis at the beach or long skirts, claiming they hate women and women’s rights basically just for being Muslim. I can’t imagine spending so much time trying to convince someone they’re oppressed bc of the choice they made. The big problem with 2nd wave feminism is it doesn’t care about choice. It wants women shoved into a different box than the anti-feminist 1950s wife box— they still want to control women by forcing us into a box, just now a “feminist” box. Not to say 3rd wave feminism is perfect, but we do try to combat this fault with 2nd wave feminism.
I think that you're misrepresenting here. If a woman truly WANTS TO wear the hijab & chooses to do so, then that's wonderful. What most of us are against is the forcing of women into the hijab. Many of them have no choice and are forced to wear it by their families, their laws, or their traditions.