“Good Luck With That”: Parents Try To Ground 20 Y.O. Business Owner Who Pays Them Rent
Twenty is a wonderful age, just agree. At the age of 20, Alexander the Great conquered a third of the ancient world, Albert Einstein published his first scientific work, Steve Jobs founded Apple, Serena Williams was universally recognized as the best tennis player in the world… and today’s hero in this story got grounded by their parents.
Well, how to put this, the parents tried to ground them because of being ‘disrespectful’ and despite the fact that by the age of 20, the company founded by the author, the user u/AggravatingBat314, brought them $60K/year. Perhaps this story is worth understanding in detail…
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is a 20YO living with their parents while being in their final year of college
Image credits: Spacejoy (not the actual photo)
However, the parents were charging them rent for the last 4 years – ever since the company became profitable
Image credits: u/AggravatingBat314
The parents demanded the author attend all family activities – but they have another opinion
Image credits: Igal Ness (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/AggravatingBat314
Recently, the youngster flew to Mexico with friends instead of attending an Easter get-together with relatives, and the parents got mad
Image credits: wassim mechergui (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/AggravatingBat314
They attempted to ‘ground’ them but when told “good luck with that,” they took offense and dubbed the author ‘disrespectful’
So, meet the Original Poster (OP), a 20 Y.O., who is in their senior year of college, and lives at home with their parents. However, the main reason, in the author’s own words, is low rent. Yes, that’s right – their parents have been charging them for accommodation for four years, right from the moment they founded their company.
Four years ago, the OP, with financial help from their grandparents, founded a company that first engaged in dropshipping and then switched to direct interaction with Chinese manufacturing companies. Moreover, next year, the author’s company will be bought by a large corporation and the owner is already guaranteed a job there.
From the very first year when the company became profitable, the parents hinted to the OP that it was time to pay the rent themselves. Well, all said and done, the author has since invariably paid all their bills. They also have a scholarship in university, so their parents actually don’t help them with anything in their adult life. Unless they are offended when they do not take part in family activities.
For example, this Easter, the OP’s parents planned a big family get-together, but the author refused to attend – simply because they had already joined their classmates on a vacation to Mexico. It was their last year in college, so they wanted to spend time together. That’s what happened – but the parents got absolutely mad about it.
Moreover, they stated that the OP is grounded from now on, to which they just laughed in their faces and said, “Good luck with that!” Now the parents dub them ‘disrespectful’ and ‘rude,’ and even tried to win over the grandpa. However, the old gentleman flip-flopped over this, having learned that for 4 years now the author has actually been their parents’ tenant.
In any case, the drama was resolved by the author renting an Airbnb in anticipation of a deal to sell their company (the agreement implies owner relocation). The parents are trying to get through to them, but the OP simply avoids them so that there are no unnecessary reasons for unpleasant conversations.
Image credits: Alice Donovan Rouse (not the actual photo)
Well, being young is actually a great time for founding a startup (especially when you have grandparents ready to help with the initial capital). So, according to data by Harvard Business Review, around 15% of all startup founders in the USA are 29 and under (among the highest-growing startup founders, this figure is slightly less – about 10%).
Moreover, investors are often truly captivated by the energy and enthusiasm emanating from young people. “The cutoff in investors’ heads is 32,” the NY Times quotes Paul Graham, the cofounder of Y Combinator. “After 32, they start to be a little skeptical.” So we can only congratulate the original poster on the successful start of their journey in business. But what about their parents?
Some commenters under the original post do believe that the parents are showing double standards towards the author. “They’re trying to have it both ways,” one of the commenters sincerely wrote. “Treat you like an adult when it comes to money, and like a child when it suits them. Just tell them they don’t get to make you pay for your life and control it at the same time.”
People in the comments also believe that trying to use the grandfather’s authority to mentally pressure the OP also says a lot about the parents. “The fact they hid [the fact they get rent] from grandpa but wanted to call him to scold you? That tells me they have some of their own faults they don’t want to admit to. That tells me this is 99% on them,” another person concluded.
And, of course, commenters are really happy for the OP’s business success and wish them good luck in the future – in particular, with regard to defending their independence. “You’re an adult, paying rent, with a job,” someone added. “Good move on renting an airbnb and I wish you success in your endeavors.” And do you, our readers, agree with these opinions?
People in the comments praised the author, both for their business success and for sticking by their personal boundaries
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It’s always a great idea to establish transactional relationships with your children. Especially in their teen years. Even more so when they’re rather self-reliant & ready to graduate university at 20,, with a job lined up. By establishing such a relationship, you can almost guarantee they’ll, indeed, treat their relationship with you transactionally. Maybe they’ll be rather fiscally responsibly when it comes to the transaction of shoving your old, feeble body into a nursing home far, far away and only come visit you once a year or so. Superb parenting! /s
Charging rent (or board depending on where you're from) is not unusual. Based on the story he finished school by 16 so it's not that strange. I know multiple people who were charged a token amount at 16 because they'd finished school and started working but didn't move out of the family home. The usual thing is that some of the money might go to household costs but most of it tends to get put aside and is "gifted" back to the kid when they move out. It's a nice surprise to suddenly be given $5 or $10 grand when you're looking to get a place of your own. So NO charging rent/board isn't a bad thing in and of itself. The only bad thing in the story is their attitude towards their NOW adult child. Can't treat a 20 year old who is financially independent like a young teen and expect them to tow the line.
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I came home on leave from the Air Force. Mummsy tried to "force me" to come help in her classroom. Nope, I'm on vacation. Cue screaming rant... we paid for your college. Nope, the AFROTC scholarship did. Rant... we paid room & board. Fine, lets set up a payment plan to return that money. Pikachu face!
I love all these idiot parents saying "we paid your room and board"! No idiot you did your job as a PARENT!!! If you didn't want to pay then you shouldn't have had kids.
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Yes, it's really impressive for anyone but especially impressive for someone his age.
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I have no doubt they didn't bother including their kid in the planning of this family event. Just expected him to be there. Which is typical of this sort of parent. Mine were notorious for telling me as we were leaving that we had a family thing. Drove me nuts and caused me to not want to go to them as soon as I was free to reject them. And if they did consult him and just ignored his plans in choosing their dates. Either way, their kid is an adult and needs to be treated as one.
yeah when you're an adult someone stopping you from leaving is not called grounding its called false imprisonment i joke with my mum about this say what you gonna do ground me because as an adult they cant unless they try to physically stop you then thats a whole different can or worms
He graduated early, partly because he started his own business? Nice to know that spending more time on something else gets one the freedom to get ahead in school. I had more credits than I needed to graduate but the school wouldn't let me because i was missing an English credit that they wouldn't let me get the prior year. Had I known I just needed to start a business, I would have!
Might just mean she chose to graduate after earning the fewest credits possible rather than finishing the full school year, depending on the school system it can be possible to end a term or semester early
Load More Replies...
Alot of people are saying oh charging your underage child rent is fine. No , no it is not a lot of places you can not rent or buy a place of living at 16 no matter how much money you have so you have to live with an adult. I've seen alot of 16 yo girls in this situation get boyfriends older then them so they don't have to go back to a place where thier parents steal thier money and treat them like a child and it usually involves multiple calls to the police for running away and huge wastes of time and resources.
I would not have had my child paying rent at 16🤦🏾♀️. I'd "charge" at 18 just to save it for them as a deposit for a house.
I had a similar thought. It would've been better if the parents taught OP about personal finance, investing, and saving for a house. They could've even gone so far as to require x amount or x percent to go to investing/saving for a house while OP lived with them. But to require rent? Especially as a minor? I really really don't get it. It's your job as the parent to provide for your children, at least I told them turn 18. If the parents wanted to teach financial responsibility, there were much better ways to go about it.
Load More Replies...
I can understand the parents wanting her to contribute to the household finances when she is making so much money a year, but framing it as rent is weird. Have her contribute to a monthly pot that pays for groceries and utilities, and have her be responsible for her own bills (phone, car, insurance) if the point is to teach financial responsibility.
Okay. Sounds like your parents may have taken advice without giving full info. Chances are they wanted you there to show off their success in raising you. Yeah, it's a messed up way of thinking. Let the dust settle, then talk to them. You were a little rude, however they were over the top with their demand and reactions.
Grinds me gears we paid for this and that..... YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO. they lay down and have kids for the benefits. Your child isn't responsible for paying your bills not even a little bit of them. His money is for him. They had the child they take care of said child til he is an adult.
Serena Williams was never considered to be the best tennis player in the world, only the best female tennis player.
I think it's both ESH and NAH, but since I'm in the minority and I come from a different cultural, familial and social background... best to let sleeping dogs lie. Hope they all work things out in the end, you only get so much time with ones parents in this life and I don't see this whole situation as something so dire so as to cut all ties with your folks. But that's just me, to each their own.
I agree. Not returning their calls and ignoring them is going a bit too far.
Load More Replies... I don't think the parents were wrong for wanting her to contribute to the household when she's making so much money a year, but framing it as rent is weird. Have her contribute towards groceries and utilities, and let her be responsible for her own bills (phone, car, insurance) if the motivation is to teach financial responsibility.
Can we please get away from all these stories of dysfunctional families. We only ever get one side of a many-sided story and then rush to judgement. Unedifying to say the least.
I would be so proud and grateful that my son/daughter had accomplished so much at an early age! I can't imagine charging rent unless they stayed in the home well past graduation. When I decided to have a baby, I took responsibility for all their needs till fully grown. I raised a person, not an ATM .
Playing Devils Advocate here. I would just like to point out that when kids live at home while they go to college many parents have a hard time understanding that they aren’t children anymore. I think both sides need that break where as a young adult you live somewhere else.
I was living at my grandparents' home with my mom & dad when I was 21, working in a bar & recently divorced. I was paying rent & buying groceries; trying to save up some money. Dad grounded me for something stupid (staying out late on my nights off, coming in after 2 a.m...). Out of respect for my parents, I went with it--for a week. Then it dawned on me that I was an adult, paying my own way, and went back to doing what I wanted. No repercusions & I laugh about it now. As for charging the kid rent at that age, I'm kind of torn. When my kids got jobs in high school, I quit buying their 'luxury' items ($50 JNCO jeans, Air Jordans, etc) & told them if they wanted expensive stuff like that, they had to at least pay 1/2. When they graduated and started working full-time, yes, I charged them a small amount for rent, to prepare them for the outside world & make them financially responsible. I still did the grocery shopping & cooking, but they knew how. It made them responsible adults.
I get charging board of your children once they are out of education and earning money (within reason) it helps them learn that the money they earn needs to go on necessities before wants. But as soon as you start charging then you have signaled they are no longer a child; they need to obey the basic rules that keep the house safe... cleaning up after themselves, locking up properly, but they need to be allowed to make their own choice about a lot of things - at this point parents job is to monitor for safety
I'm always a bit confused about this 'paying rent' business. My parents had 5 children and as soon as we got jobs we had to pay 'housekeeping'. From the age of 16. It went towards food and household bills, etc. Is that rent by another name? Because it certainly didn't get us any leeway when it came to family rules. That said, no way would we have been banned from going on holiday rather than stay at home for a family get together.
This was a fault in communication. She went out of the country without telling them and they were surprised by her absence. They don’t want to lose the relationship with her. It’s not right to cut them out. She needs to try to find a peaceful middle ground, confirm her love and appreciation for them, and let them know she’s doing ok.
Yes, it was a poorly handled situation by all but grandpa. Still, I don't know if OP recognizes what a good problem they have: that his/her parents love them and want them around. Of course, the way they went about expressing that was terrible. But that doesn't take away from the fact that they want him/her around and involved with the family. That's a great problem to have!
Load More Replies...
NTA. Your parents were waaaay out of line. How the hell are you going to ground a 20 yo man who's running s paying rent, running a successful business, graduating college, already has a job locked in and who is faulting better than some 40 year olds. My oldest is 41 and I never charged him rent but he did have certain responsibilities. I helped him stay on track and helped him stay focused. My 16 yo just completed a 4 week internship where he's been offered another secure internship after he graduates from HS with an IT firm. My 12 yo daughter is sports oriented. All that being said it's my job to support them, not throw stones in their path. Well done young man, you have a very bright future ahead of you.
I don't think her parents were wrong for wanting her to contribute to the household finances when her business is so successful, but framing it as rent was a weird way to go about it. Have her contribute to groceries, utilities, and pay for anything she wants personally to teach fiscal responsibility if that's the motivation.
It’s always a great idea to establish transactional relationships with your children. Especially in their teen years. Even more so when they’re rather self-reliant & ready to graduate university at 20,, with a job lined up. By establishing such a relationship, you can almost guarantee they’ll, indeed, treat their relationship with you transactionally. Maybe they’ll be rather fiscally responsibly when it comes to the transaction of shoving your old, feeble body into a nursing home far, far away and only come visit you once a year or so. Superb parenting! /s
Charging rent (or board depending on where you're from) is not unusual. Based on the story he finished school by 16 so it's not that strange. I know multiple people who were charged a token amount at 16 because they'd finished school and started working but didn't move out of the family home. The usual thing is that some of the money might go to household costs but most of it tends to get put aside and is "gifted" back to the kid when they move out. It's a nice surprise to suddenly be given $5 or $10 grand when you're looking to get a place of your own. So NO charging rent/board isn't a bad thing in and of itself. The only bad thing in the story is their attitude towards their NOW adult child. Can't treat a 20 year old who is financially independent like a young teen and expect them to tow the line.
Load More Replies... I came home on leave from the Air Force. Mummsy tried to "force me" to come help in her classroom. Nope, I'm on vacation. Cue screaming rant... we paid for your college. Nope, the AFROTC scholarship did. Rant... we paid room & board. Fine, lets set up a payment plan to return that money. Pikachu face!
I love all these idiot parents saying "we paid your room and board"! No idiot you did your job as a PARENT!!! If you didn't want to pay then you shouldn't have had kids.
Load More Replies... Yes, it's really impressive for anyone but especially impressive for someone his age.
Load More Replies... I have no doubt they didn't bother including their kid in the planning of this family event. Just expected him to be there. Which is typical of this sort of parent. Mine were notorious for telling me as we were leaving that we had a family thing. Drove me nuts and caused me to not want to go to them as soon as I was free to reject them. And if they did consult him and just ignored his plans in choosing their dates. Either way, their kid is an adult and needs to be treated as one.
yeah when you're an adult someone stopping you from leaving is not called grounding its called false imprisonment i joke with my mum about this say what you gonna do ground me because as an adult they cant unless they try to physically stop you then thats a whole different can or worms
He graduated early, partly because he started his own business? Nice to know that spending more time on something else gets one the freedom to get ahead in school. I had more credits than I needed to graduate but the school wouldn't let me because i was missing an English credit that they wouldn't let me get the prior year. Had I known I just needed to start a business, I would have!
Might just mean she chose to graduate after earning the fewest credits possible rather than finishing the full school year, depending on the school system it can be possible to end a term or semester early
Load More Replies... Alot of people are saying oh charging your underage child rent is fine. No , no it is not a lot of places you can not rent or buy a place of living at 16 no matter how much money you have so you have to live with an adult. I've seen alot of 16 yo girls in this situation get boyfriends older then them so they don't have to go back to a place where thier parents steal thier money and treat them like a child and it usually involves multiple calls to the police for running away and huge wastes of time and resources.
I would not have had my child paying rent at 16🤦🏾♀️. I'd "charge" at 18 just to save it for them as a deposit for a house.
I had a similar thought. It would've been better if the parents taught OP about personal finance, investing, and saving for a house. They could've even gone so far as to require x amount or x percent to go to investing/saving for a house while OP lived with them. But to require rent? Especially as a minor? I really really don't get it. It's your job as the parent to provide for your children, at least I told them turn 18. If the parents wanted to teach financial responsibility, there were much better ways to go about it.
Load More Replies... I can understand the parents wanting her to contribute to the household finances when she is making so much money a year, but framing it as rent is weird. Have her contribute to a monthly pot that pays for groceries and utilities, and have her be responsible for her own bills (phone, car, insurance) if the point is to teach financial responsibility.
Okay. Sounds like your parents may have taken advice without giving full info. Chances are they wanted you there to show off their success in raising you. Yeah, it's a messed up way of thinking. Let the dust settle, then talk to them. You were a little rude, however they were over the top with their demand and reactions.
Grinds me gears we paid for this and that..... YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO. they lay down and have kids for the benefits. Your child isn't responsible for paying your bills not even a little bit of them. His money is for him. They had the child they take care of said child til he is an adult.
Serena Williams was never considered to be the best tennis player in the world, only the best female tennis player.
I think it's both ESH and NAH, but since I'm in the minority and I come from a different cultural, familial and social background... best to let sleeping dogs lie. Hope they all work things out in the end, you only get so much time with ones parents in this life and I don't see this whole situation as something so dire so as to cut all ties with your folks. But that's just me, to each their own.
I agree. Not returning their calls and ignoring them is going a bit too far.
Load More Replies... I don't think the parents were wrong for wanting her to contribute to the household when she's making so much money a year, but framing it as rent is weird. Have her contribute towards groceries and utilities, and let her be responsible for her own bills (phone, car, insurance) if the motivation is to teach financial responsibility.
Can we please get away from all these stories of dysfunctional families. We only ever get one side of a many-sided story and then rush to judgement. Unedifying to say the least.
I would be so proud and grateful that my son/daughter had accomplished so much at an early age! I can't imagine charging rent unless they stayed in the home well past graduation. When I decided to have a baby, I took responsibility for all their needs till fully grown. I raised a person, not an ATM .
Playing Devils Advocate here. I would just like to point out that when kids live at home while they go to college many parents have a hard time understanding that they aren’t children anymore. I think both sides need that break where as a young adult you live somewhere else.
I was living at my grandparents' home with my mom & dad when I was 21, working in a bar & recently divorced. I was paying rent & buying groceries; trying to save up some money. Dad grounded me for something stupid (staying out late on my nights off, coming in after 2 a.m...). Out of respect for my parents, I went with it--for a week. Then it dawned on me that I was an adult, paying my own way, and went back to doing what I wanted. No repercusions & I laugh about it now. As for charging the kid rent at that age, I'm kind of torn. When my kids got jobs in high school, I quit buying their 'luxury' items ($50 JNCO jeans, Air Jordans, etc) & told them if they wanted expensive stuff like that, they had to at least pay 1/2. When they graduated and started working full-time, yes, I charged them a small amount for rent, to prepare them for the outside world & make them financially responsible. I still did the grocery shopping & cooking, but they knew how. It made them responsible adults.
I get charging board of your children once they are out of education and earning money (within reason) it helps them learn that the money they earn needs to go on necessities before wants. But as soon as you start charging then you have signaled they are no longer a child; they need to obey the basic rules that keep the house safe... cleaning up after themselves, locking up properly, but they need to be allowed to make their own choice about a lot of things - at this point parents job is to monitor for safety
I'm always a bit confused about this 'paying rent' business. My parents had 5 children and as soon as we got jobs we had to pay 'housekeeping'. From the age of 16. It went towards food and household bills, etc. Is that rent by another name? Because it certainly didn't get us any leeway when it came to family rules. That said, no way would we have been banned from going on holiday rather than stay at home for a family get together.
This was a fault in communication. She went out of the country without telling them and they were surprised by her absence. They don’t want to lose the relationship with her. It’s not right to cut them out. She needs to try to find a peaceful middle ground, confirm her love and appreciation for them, and let them know she’s doing ok.
Yes, it was a poorly handled situation by all but grandpa. Still, I don't know if OP recognizes what a good problem they have: that his/her parents love them and want them around. Of course, the way they went about expressing that was terrible. But that doesn't take away from the fact that they want him/her around and involved with the family. That's a great problem to have!
Load More Replies... NTA. Your parents were waaaay out of line. How the hell are you going to ground a 20 yo man who's running s paying rent, running a successful business, graduating college, already has a job locked in and who is faulting better than some 40 year olds. My oldest is 41 and I never charged him rent but he did have certain responsibilities. I helped him stay on track and helped him stay focused. My 16 yo just completed a 4 week internship where he's been offered another secure internship after he graduates from HS with an IT firm. My 12 yo daughter is sports oriented. All that being said it's my job to support them, not throw stones in their path. Well done young man, you have a very bright future ahead of you.
I don't think her parents were wrong for wanting her to contribute to the household finances when her business is so successful, but framing it as rent was a weird way to go about it. Have her contribute to groceries, utilities, and pay for anything she wants personally to teach fiscal responsibility if that's the motivation.
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