Man Accused Of Going Too Far By Disowning Adopted Daughter As She Preferred Mom’s Affair Partner
Betrayal is the worst thing to face, and it’s even more heartbreaking when it’s done by someone you love. When you put your trust in someone else, it’s shocking if the other person takes it for granted or stomps on your heart. It’s even worse when the betrayer is your own kid who is purposely trying to hurt your feelings.
A man on Reddit found out that his stepdaughter had known about his wife’s affair all along and chose to keep the secret because the other man was buying her stuff.
More info: Reddit
Man is left heartbroken after he finds out wife is cheating on him, is shocked when he realizes stepdaughter knew all along and didn’t tell him
Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. (not the actual photo)
35YO man married a woman who already had a child and decided to adopt her daughter Lisa, they also had a kid of their own named Marc
Image credits: Armin Rimoldi (not the actual photo)
He became suspicious of his wife after catching her texting and exiting the room to take calls, one day he found her on the phone while Marc lay crying on the floor in soiled diapers
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
His wife said she’d been sleeping with her ex-boss, Daniel, for 6 months, but what hurt him more was his stepdaughter kept the secret from him because Daniel used to buy her stuff
Image credits: u/BraveExplanation2530
He left them both and took his son to his parents’ house, he decided to divorce his wife and disown Lisa because he felt she should have known better as a 13YO
The Original Poster (OP) is a 35-year-old man, and he met his wife, a 33-year-old woman, at university 12 years back. Three months into dating her, he found out that she had a daughter named Lisa. She had the kid when she was a teen. At first, he was shocked and wanted to dump the woman, but he stayed and began caring for her kid as if she were his own. The couple then decided to get married in 2019, and two years later, he adopted Lisa.
The man shared that he had worked hard to give his wife and daughter luxuries that he only dreamed of as a kid. He even cared a lot for Lisa and did not make her feel like she wasn’t his daughter. Studies have shown that positive stepchild and stepparent relationships can reduce children’s stress, academic problems, and negative internalization. This shows that the poster’s love and care for the child must have had a positive impact on her life.
A year after adopting Lisa, his wife gave birth to their son, Marc. She decided to become a stay-at-home mom, and he was fine with her decision. But he began to realize that she was spending a lot of time with her friends. She also seemed to constantly be texting and even exited the room when she was on call. It seemed like she only did that for one specific “friend.”
One day when the OP returned home, he was shocked to find Marc lying on the floor all along, crying. The baby’s diaper was soiled, and it seemed like he hadn’t been cleaned since morning, while his wife was outside on her phone talking to someone. When he confronted her, he got to know that she had been sleeping with her ex-boss, Daniel, for 6 months.
Research on betrayal has found that infidelity and dishonesty can be traumatic and cause considerable distress to the individual. It can cause the person to feel angry, doubt themselves, grieve, have lower self-esteem, and be preoccupied with morbid things. The OP was angered by his wife’s infidelity and could not believe that she would put her son at risk as well.
Image credits: Phil Nguyen (not the actual photo)
When his stepdaughter heard the argument, she came downstairs and casually asked him if he knew about Daniel. The man broke down in tears when he realized that his stepdaughter knew about his wife’s affair. When he questioned her about why she had kept the information from him, she replied, “because unlike YOU, Daniel buys me the things I want without having to beg.” She even went so far as to say he wasn’t her real dad.
The trauma of betrayal can have long-lasting effects on a person. Studies have shown that the way a person processes a highly stressful event depends on the nature of the relationship between the victim and perpetrator. If the victim cares about or trusts the perpetrator a lot, it can lead to high betrayal trauma. In this case, the man shared that he broke down when he learned that even his daughter was part of his wife’s lies. It must have hurt him severely to be betrayed by two people whom he trusted so much.
When commenters asked the poster how he felt about Lisa, he shared: “she isnt 9 yrs old. She fully understood what she said. i want to be in her life. i love her to death. but please explain to me how I can i excuse whatever bs she told me. she needs to learn that this isnt how you talk to your father. She watched me go to work every single f**king day knowing damn well that during that time some mf was smashing her mom in our bed. Even if she was biologically mine, she needs to see consequences.”
After the incident, the man left and took Marc with him. He stayed at his parents’ house and began drinking himself to sleep every day. He decided to cancel his stepdaughter’s private tuition and her extracurricular activities. He contacted a divorce lawyer and blocked his wife after telling her, “get a lawyer and tell that ungrateful thing of yours to start calling Daniel her dad. Im disowning her.”
Survivors of betrayal trauma often don’t seek support from people and struggle with regulating their emotions. In this case, the man dove deep into drinking and refused to listen to his friends who were trying to get him to see clearly. Luckily for him, his parents were willing to look after him and his son.
Being cheated on is painful, but to experience another crushing blow on top of that is extremely difficult. The poster’s entire life came crashing down on him because of his wife and stepdaughter’s actions. Netizens shared supportive comments and advice with the poster, especially telling him to stop drinking because it will only make things worse. Do you think the man was right to cut off his wife and adopted daughter? Tell us what you think in the comments.
Netizens advised the poster to do a DNA test on Marc and to quit drinking for his own health and safety
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Both of these women are appalling excuses for people. Divorce, disown, destroy in court and never lose resolve. Their apologies are just manipulations that will increase when they realize that their old life is gone because of their own behavior.
OP did everything flawlessly and how I would have done them. Bravo, good sir! Bravo! Stay strong and get them out of your lives. I don't care if you think your son is a "mini me"; get a DNA test done by a doctor and find out. Your son may have doubts later on in life; you'll be able to smash those doubts head on.
OP, for the love of Marc and your own sanity, DROP 'EM!!! Far be it from me to call women the B-word but it looks like we have us a pair here instead. Divorce, disown and drop them faster than the speed of light. Let them go and kiss up to Daniel instead and see if he is as willing to have them full-time with baggage included rather than a fast tryst. SMH!!! >:-(
Women like this disgust me. And I'm a woman. Gaslighting, gold-digging not one, but two men? World-class ássholes! Lay off the alcohol, set a good example for your son, and teach him well.
The daughter is a 13 year old child. She bears Zero fault in her parent's irresponsible choices.
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I would've done the same thing and also kick them out of the house and get a DNA test
Dear fellow women, don't be like that daughter. Don't protect cheating wives any more than you would want a man to protect a sexist. The 13 year old daughter might be still at that age where they say things they instantly regret, and who knows what the wife had told her, but OP also has to protect himself and his son. Taking away her luxuries is IMHO a good way teaching her not to be a gold digger. After all, she's not going to go hungry.
Dear fellow woman. Please don't put the responsibility of sorting this couple's marriage on a 13 year old child. It is in NO way her responsibility, or even her business to be taking charge of this adult relationship, no matter how much she knows. Her mom should not have involved her in her affair, and that is as far as the blame reaches.
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He did nothing wrong. They did EVERYTHING wrong. They deserve the suffering coming for them. I hope there's an update.
Where does OP live that he can lose his house, most of his savings and anything else his wife wants in a divorce where she cheated and destroyed the marriage and he has screenshots of it as proof?
13??? I assumed a lot younger! What the f**k?? Nta honestly
Oh boy. The apple didn't fall far from that tree. The OPs Ex is a pretty awful person and mother. She neglected her infant son and whatever parenting she's been doing with her daughter has turned the girl into an ungrateful brat. I have a step dad. He raised me longer then my actual father and I would never think, let alone say, anything like that. Where the hell did she even get the idea into her head the the OP isn't her 'real' dad. She hasn't had any other dads. Her biological father skipped out. This isn't the same as a step parent coming in when the child is older or having the bio parent also in the picture. This isn't a complex blended family situation. The cheater had her own teenager cover for her and made her complicit in the affair. She and her affair partner bribed and manipulated the girl with money and gifts and her mom taught ger this was an acceptable way to treat people. He needs a pit bull of a divorce lawyer and to sue for custody of his son. Also to STOP drinking and get his s**t together to prove she's an unfit parent. Getting a minor involved in the cover up off an affair like this is a form of emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the girl has learned the very hard lesson that there are some things once said that can't be taken back. Words, just as much as actions, have consequences. Some things once broken cannot be fixed. I hope she learns from this and her mother's example and grows up a better person then her mother.
I am by no means making excuses for her, but a 13-year old shouldn't face life long consequences because of something she said, which being cut off by her adopted father would be. People grow up. I'm not saying this girl will or won't, but she very well might learn to regret saying what she did.
She even said so herself, he's not her 'real' dad. Perhaps she should look her 'real' dad up
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Okay- to those protecting these women- 13 is much old enough to understand right from wrong. And, she isn’t even his child. He has every right to protect himself. AND she said he wasn’t her dad, clearly she doesn’t respect him as a dad, he doesn’t need to be her daughter.
He adopted her. She is his child. Are you saying that biological children are more real than adopted ones?
Load More Replies... Get a grip many of you, she's 13 not 5. She knew what she was saying and doing. At best she hoped to make adoptive dad buy here more stuff buy abusing him when his life was falling apart. Also both mum and 13yo left a baby on the floor for hours in filth. Mums raised a little sociopath.
He says right in the text that he changed his son's diaper. He attended to the baby before confronting his wife. He probably sent the son upstairs because the wife had already hit him, while he was holding the baby. Maybe didn't want to give her another opportunity. Maybe had concerns that the discussion would get heated, and didn't want to cause the baby distress.
Sorry, that was meant as a reply to girrafy window.
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I don't know if there is any coming back from that... People screw up, maybe his marriage can be saved if they both want it to be. But that kind of prolonged betrayal is insanely hard to get over.. sadly I know from experience. The stuff from the daughter.. yeah thatll never be undone.
Never forgive a cheating person and revert if possible the adoption, she clearly knew what she was doing, IT IS UNFORGIVABLE. She needs to be taught a lesson, choices have consequences , the other guy can adopt her.
Idk about fully disowning the daughter but definitely no more funding the private school or extra curriculars. She's not responsible for her mom's affair but saying cruel things like that is something even a tween knows is wrong. I wonder if the mom or even the affair partner swayed her to resent her adoptive dad to keep her from ratting out the affair. I would be willing to consider a relationship when things settle and she matures a bit, but that's just me.
He adopted her. I don't know where these people live, but isn't child abandonment illegal? He will be required to pay child support.
He didn't abandon her on the side of the road. He left the girl with her mother. In a house. Taking the baby is actually the problematic bit as that could be construed as a parental abduction.
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Honestly, he just wanted to be rid of the daughter. He wanted to dump his wife when they were dating, just because she didn't tell him about her daughter in the 3 months they were dating. 3 MONTHS! Dude, most people would feel that was still too soon to introduce a child to a partner, especially a female child. I know I never did, not that damn soon. True, the wife totally screwed up here, but I have to wonder if there isn't more to this. He went kinda nuclear, taking to baby and leaving, only to have his mom take care of the baby while he gets drunk off his a*s every day and night since the blowup. While divorce my be his only option right now, I'm wondering why she cheated and how many cracks her daughter saw in their marriage to comment the way she did. Not giving them a pass, but I really would like to hear the other side of this.
Asia Doyle - Interesting take on this situation. He wanted to be rid of them so bad that he married the mother and adopted the daughter. He provided for them over the years and apparently only expected loyalty in return. However, neither of them gave him what he needed. He took the baby because he was being neglected. As far as the drinking, he said he drinks himself to sleep each night, not that he drinks during the day, when I presume he goes to work. You seem to be on the side of the nasty wife and ungrateful daughter. Is there a reason for that? Maybe there's another side to YOUR story.
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He is taking away her private school tuition. Public school is free and she can go there. Thats like saying" he is taking away her ability to drink" if he says "no more champaigne".
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He's not her actual father by blood. Which she made clear when she told him she was keeping her mom's cheating secret because the other guy bought her stuff. She obviously has no remorse. I don't blame him for ditching her.
Load More Replies...
Both of these women are appalling excuses for people. Divorce, disown, destroy in court and never lose resolve. Their apologies are just manipulations that will increase when they realize that their old life is gone because of their own behavior.
OP did everything flawlessly and how I would have done them. Bravo, good sir! Bravo! Stay strong and get them out of your lives. I don't care if you think your son is a "mini me"; get a DNA test done by a doctor and find out. Your son may have doubts later on in life; you'll be able to smash those doubts head on.
OP, for the love of Marc and your own sanity, DROP 'EM!!! Far be it from me to call women the B-word but it looks like we have us a pair here instead. Divorce, disown and drop them faster than the speed of light. Let them go and kiss up to Daniel instead and see if he is as willing to have them full-time with baggage included rather than a fast tryst. SMH!!! >:-(
Women like this disgust me. And I'm a woman. Gaslighting, gold-digging not one, but two men? World-class ássholes! Lay off the alcohol, set a good example for your son, and teach him well.
The daughter is a 13 year old child. She bears Zero fault in her parent's irresponsible choices.
Load More Replies... I would've done the same thing and also kick them out of the house and get a DNA test
Dear fellow women, don't be like that daughter. Don't protect cheating wives any more than you would want a man to protect a sexist. The 13 year old daughter might be still at that age where they say things they instantly regret, and who knows what the wife had told her, but OP also has to protect himself and his son. Taking away her luxuries is IMHO a good way teaching her not to be a gold digger. After all, she's not going to go hungry.
Dear fellow woman. Please don't put the responsibility of sorting this couple's marriage on a 13 year old child. It is in NO way her responsibility, or even her business to be taking charge of this adult relationship, no matter how much she knows. Her mom should not have involved her in her affair, and that is as far as the blame reaches.
Load More Replies... He did nothing wrong. They did EVERYTHING wrong. They deserve the suffering coming for them. I hope there's an update.
Where does OP live that he can lose his house, most of his savings and anything else his wife wants in a divorce where she cheated and destroyed the marriage and he has screenshots of it as proof?
13??? I assumed a lot younger! What the f**k?? Nta honestly
Oh boy. The apple didn't fall far from that tree. The OPs Ex is a pretty awful person and mother. She neglected her infant son and whatever parenting she's been doing with her daughter has turned the girl into an ungrateful brat. I have a step dad. He raised me longer then my actual father and I would never think, let alone say, anything like that. Where the hell did she even get the idea into her head the the OP isn't her 'real' dad. She hasn't had any other dads. Her biological father skipped out. This isn't the same as a step parent coming in when the child is older or having the bio parent also in the picture. This isn't a complex blended family situation. The cheater had her own teenager cover for her and made her complicit in the affair. She and her affair partner bribed and manipulated the girl with money and gifts and her mom taught ger this was an acceptable way to treat people. He needs a pit bull of a divorce lawyer and to sue for custody of his son. Also to STOP drinking and get his s**t together to prove she's an unfit parent. Getting a minor involved in the cover up off an affair like this is a form of emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the girl has learned the very hard lesson that there are some things once said that can't be taken back. Words, just as much as actions, have consequences. Some things once broken cannot be fixed. I hope she learns from this and her mother's example and grows up a better person then her mother.
I am by no means making excuses for her, but a 13-year old shouldn't face life long consequences because of something she said, which being cut off by her adopted father would be. People grow up. I'm not saying this girl will or won't, but she very well might learn to regret saying what she did.
She even said so herself, he's not her 'real' dad. Perhaps she should look her 'real' dad up
Load More Replies... Okay- to those protecting these women- 13 is much old enough to understand right from wrong. And, she isn’t even his child. He has every right to protect himself. AND she said he wasn’t her dad, clearly she doesn’t respect him as a dad, he doesn’t need to be her daughter.
He adopted her. She is his child. Are you saying that biological children are more real than adopted ones?
Load More Replies... Get a grip many of you, she's 13 not 5. She knew what she was saying and doing. At best she hoped to make adoptive dad buy here more stuff buy abusing him when his life was falling apart. Also both mum and 13yo left a baby on the floor for hours in filth. Mums raised a little sociopath.
He says right in the text that he changed his son's diaper. He attended to the baby before confronting his wife. He probably sent the son upstairs because the wife had already hit him, while he was holding the baby. Maybe didn't want to give her another opportunity. Maybe had concerns that the discussion would get heated, and didn't want to cause the baby distress.
Sorry, that was meant as a reply to girrafy window.
Load More Replies... I don't know if there is any coming back from that... People screw up, maybe his marriage can be saved if they both want it to be. But that kind of prolonged betrayal is insanely hard to get over.. sadly I know from experience. The stuff from the daughter.. yeah thatll never be undone.
Never forgive a cheating person and revert if possible the adoption, she clearly knew what she was doing, IT IS UNFORGIVABLE. She needs to be taught a lesson, choices have consequences , the other guy can adopt her.
Idk about fully disowning the daughter but definitely no more funding the private school or extra curriculars. She's not responsible for her mom's affair but saying cruel things like that is something even a tween knows is wrong. I wonder if the mom or even the affair partner swayed her to resent her adoptive dad to keep her from ratting out the affair. I would be willing to consider a relationship when things settle and she matures a bit, but that's just me.
He adopted her. I don't know where these people live, but isn't child abandonment illegal? He will be required to pay child support.
He didn't abandon her on the side of the road. He left the girl with her mother. In a house. Taking the baby is actually the problematic bit as that could be construed as a parental abduction.
Load More Replies... Honestly, he just wanted to be rid of the daughter. He wanted to dump his wife when they were dating, just because she didn't tell him about her daughter in the 3 months they were dating. 3 MONTHS! Dude, most people would feel that was still too soon to introduce a child to a partner, especially a female child. I know I never did, not that damn soon. True, the wife totally screwed up here, but I have to wonder if there isn't more to this. He went kinda nuclear, taking to baby and leaving, only to have his mom take care of the baby while he gets drunk off his a*s every day and night since the blowup. While divorce my be his only option right now, I'm wondering why she cheated and how many cracks her daughter saw in their marriage to comment the way she did. Not giving them a pass, but I really would like to hear the other side of this.
Asia Doyle - Interesting take on this situation. He wanted to be rid of them so bad that he married the mother and adopted the daughter. He provided for them over the years and apparently only expected loyalty in return. However, neither of them gave him what he needed. He took the baby because he was being neglected. As far as the drinking, he said he drinks himself to sleep each night, not that he drinks during the day, when I presume he goes to work. You seem to be on the side of the nasty wife and ungrateful daughter. Is there a reason for that? Maybe there's another side to YOUR story.
Load More Replies... He is taking away her private school tuition. Public school is free and she can go there. Thats like saying" he is taking away her ability to drink" if he says "no more champaigne".
Load More Replies... He's not her actual father by blood. Which she made clear when she told him she was keeping her mom's cheating secret because the other guy bought her stuff. She obviously has no remorse. I don't blame him for ditching her.
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