Recovering Alcoholic Upset Learning Date's Idea Of Hanging Out At Bars, Decides To Cancel On Him

Unless you’re lucky enough to have an actual meet cute (we can dream, ok?), dating is probably your best bet. But it can be daunting, especially in the world of dating apps, where ghosting after the first date is basically par for the course. 

A woman, who swiped right and matched, agreed to a coffee date that turned into plans for a second one. When the guy insisted on arranging everything, she was charmed, until he told her where he’d made dinner reservations. Then things went sideways.    

 More info: Reddit

Dating in this day and age can be challenging to say the least, so if you both swiped right, met up, and have agreed to a second date, it’s usually a good sign

Couple on a second date at a coffee shop, highlighting recovering alcoholic avoiding bars during their outing.

Image credits: svetlanasokolova / Freepik (not the actual photo)

One woman, who met a guy on a dating app, was hopeful after they went out for a coffee and ended up making loose plans for dinner the next week

Text excerpt showing a recovering alcoholic canceling a second date that was planned entirely around bars.

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Recovering alcoholic shares experience noping out of second date planned entirely around bars due to sobriety concerns.

Recovering alcoholic woman on a second date, sitting on a couch with a man, looking surprised and hesitant.

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The guy insisted on planning the night and asked her if she had any dietary restrictions, so she told him she doesn’t eat red meat or drink alcohol

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Man holding smartphone near window, appearing surprised while talking inside a modern cafe or bar setting.

Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The night before the date, he texted that he’d made reservations at a spot she hadn’t heard of, but when she looked it up, it was a cocktail bar with a very meat-based menu

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After his next suggestion was ending the night at yet another bar, she told him she thought they weren’t a good match, but now she’s wondering if she overreacted

The original poster (OP) is second-guessing herself after canceling a second date with a guy, fearing it felt like a future tolerance test. They met on a dating app, had a coffee that went well enough, and loosely planned a dinner date for the following week.

When he insisted on planning everything and asked her if there was any dietary stuff he should know about, she explained her only two boundaries – no red meat due to health reasons, and no alcohol because she’s nearly two years sober. She added that she wasn’t picky, loved most foods, and was comfy around alcohol; she just didn’t drink it.

The night before the date, though, he revealed the reservation was at a cocktail lounge with limited food options, most of them meat-heavy. Things got weirder when he suggested barhopping for a nightcap afterward. For someone aware that she’s sober, his choice of two bars, and only one edible option on the menu, left her stumped.

Trusting her gut, she bailed on the date, worried this was some kind of early test of how much she’d compromise herself moving ahead. His blunt reply, complete with peace-sign-hand emoji, only made things stranger. Now she’s turned to netizens, wondering if she overreacted or actually dodged a bullet wrapped in red flags. 

Young woman recovering alcoholic looks concerned checking her phone while sitting on a couch in a bright living room

Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Dating these days is like playing blackjack. Blindfolded. You’re mostly gambling to strike it lucky with the right swipe right and play your cards into a successful first date. Let’s say you do (you charmer, you!), should you double down and go all in for a second one? And when shouldn’t you?  

Well, the experts at VeryWellMind say that, in a perfect world, we’d go on first dates and know straight away if we were excited about going on a second one or if we should give that idea a pass. But often we’re left feeling indecisive. Parts of the date may have been great, while others, well, not quite what we expected. Outdated profile pic, anyone? 

“Even if you don’t feel a crazy spark when you first meet the person, if you enjoyed the conversation and company, it’s probably worth giving them a second date,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, licensed psychologist. Seems simple enough. But if you’re still having doubts, read on.

The pros over at Bustle say there are a few signs you shouldn’t give your date a second round. A few of the best include you not being that attracted to them, if you had an argument, or if they tried to push your boundaries. That last one sure sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Luckily, OP went with her red meat-free, sober gut and got out of there. Here’s hoping her dating days aren’t over just because of one jerk with empathy issues. What’s your take? Did OP overreact, or do you think the guy was just lowkey trying to torpedo any chance of a second date? Drop your thoughts in the comments!   

In the comments, readers agreed that the woman was not a jerk and that the whole situation was a mess of red flags

Reddit user shares experience as recovering alcoholic avoiding second date planned entirely around bars.

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