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Woman Finds BF’s Post About Their Fight, Tells Her Side Of The Story And People Are Livid
One of the key signs that you genuinely care for your significant other is that you respect their boundaries. If they’ve been through something deeply traumatic and ask you not to behave a certain way so you don’t trigger them, the kind thing to do would be to listen. However, for some folks in relationships, things aren’t that obvious.
One man vented online about how his girlfriend always asked him to close her closet door, which he found problematic. Later, after seeing the post, the girlfriend responded with her own online story, sharing how she broke up with him, why his behavior was so disrespectful, and what her childhood trauma was. Scroll down for the full story from both the boyfriend’s and the girlfriend’s perspectives.
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For any relationship to be healthy, you have to respect each other’s boundaries. If you intentionally trample all over them, things won’t end well
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
One guy thought that his girlfriend was making up her childhood trauma, so he decided to intentionally trigger her
Image credits: GLOPLAY (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton (not the actual photo)
Image source: Wild_Analyst_5101
Many readers were shocked that anyone would behave this way
After the man posted his rant online, his (now ex) girlfriend shared what happened from her perspective
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes (not the actual photo)
Here’s her full story, including what her trauma was, and how she started the healing process
Image credits: H&CO (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman answered some people’s questions
Image source: Important_Club9790
Healthy boundaries are fundamental. Not only do you have to make them clear, but you also have to be willing to enforce them
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)
People aren’t mind-readers, so if someone’s behavior is problematic, you have to speak up. It’s usually best to assume (at least at the start) that the other person is simply unaware of how they affect you, instead of them being malicious.
Any decent human being is likely to change their behavior when you set out some basic boundaries. However, it takes someone very emotionally unintelligent to continue triggering you while they belittle your trauma. At best, it’s simply immature. At worst, it’s intentionally mean-spirited.
Your boundaries are only worth as much as your willingness to enforce them. If anyone continuously disrespects your boundaries, they need to understand that their (mis)behavior will have consequences.
While you can be a bit more flexible when it comes to your loved ones, your family, friends, and partners don’t get a free pass to treat you however they like. Sure, they can be more blunt and honest with you when needed, but they also need to be supportive and understanding.
Meanwhile, being romantically involved with someone who finds it troublesome to close a closet or accuses you of making up traumatic experiences doesn’t sound trustworthy.
If left untreated, PTSD can negatively affect your relationships, career, and daily life
Image credits: Ethan Sykes (not the actual photo)
According to Mayo Clinic, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms can start appearing within the first 3 months after experiencing a traumatic event. However, in some cases, they can take literal years until they manifest.
PTSD symptoms usually involve intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood, and changes in physical and emotional reactions. If left untreated, these symptoms can affect your ability to do daily tasks. What’s more, they’re likely to “cause major problems” in social or work situations.
People with PTSD can regularly experience unwanted and distressing memories from their traumatic events. For example, they might have distressing dreams or have strong physical and emotional reactions when they see something that reminds them of their trauma.
What’s more, PTSD victims can be easily startled or frightened, are often on their guard for danger, have trouble sleeping or concentrating, and sometimes indulge in self-destructive behavior. What’s more, they can also be irritable or aggressive.
Meanwhile, kids aged 6 or younger might reenact traumatic events through play or have frightening dreams.
What’s your take on this relationship drama, dear Pandas? Why do you think the young man had such a difficult time respecting his girlfriend’s boundaries? How would you react if someone you care about kept intentionally triggering you? How do you protect your boundaries? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Here’s what internet users had to say when they read about the situation from the woman’s perspective. They were very empathetic
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What do you think ?
Juls 1 day ago
I'm a 60-year-old woman and I sleep with a teddy bear. It's a form of self-comfort that is actually pretty common with people who suffered ab**e as a child. It's totally harmless. I've been with my husband for over 30 years. You know what he thinks about my sleeping with a teddy bear? He doesn't give a dang. Never has, even before he knew much about my childhood. Because that's what an actual partner does. They don't belittle and try to eradicate harmless coping mechanisms. He buys me a new bear every Valentine's day, because he is awesome. Sure, if your partner has a habit that is detrimental in some way, try to help them find another way to handle it that's more healthy. But we all have our little ways, and if your partner's little ways are harmless, let them alone.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
Yes! I still have my best bud, Chace, a stuffed German Shepherd I got (and named, lol) when I was 5. He's 38 years old now, and I still sleep with him in bed XD Even during the 3 years I lived with my now-ex, we slept in different rooms (I snore, he snores...) and so I even had Chace with me there XD Ex wouldn't have dared to displace my old buddy even if we'd slept in the same bed, though! XD That's so awesome that your husband buys you a new bear every year. Do you keep the old ones still?
Load More Replies...
StrangeOne 1 day ago
His gf must have told him what scared her so much. The fact that he purposely triggered her fears "just to see what would happen" shows how non-compassionate he is. It may not make sense to him, but it really is a simple request. I get forgetting and all, but it's not like it's really this big chore. I think the glow in the dark stars are cool. I got my night time requirements, too. Closet door and bedroom have to be closed, and a lamp on. I feel watched and unsettled, otherwise. When I was staying at my bf's, he likes a pitch black room to sleep in. We were able to compromise. He allowed me to have the curtain a bit open to let the streetlight in a bit and listened to my soothing sounds on my phone with my earbuds. I didn't get mad at him. He didn't get mad at me. Perhaps OP and his gf are just not for each other.
Leah Woodard 1 day ago
When we first got married, my husband mentioned a 'weird' compulsion he has that required our kitchen light switches all be up (or down) when the lights were out. Widowed after 30 years...and I ALWAYS 'fixed' them for him.
KatSaidThat 21 hours ago
You do not f**k with someone's PTSD. I hope she gets more therapy (alone) and adds more stickers because there are some amazing ones like butterflies and dinosaurs - my room is covered in them. I also have a colourful rotating night light because I don't want to wake up to pitch dark. It is VERY low light but means I can see every door as well. My experience isn't as traumatic as hers but I do need every door in my room closed and my bedroom door locked at night.
Emilu 15 hours ago
I have to admit when I originally read about the cupboard door needing be shut I was a bit "err... why...?" but reading the story from the GF's perspective it makes perfect sense; her experience would be utterly terrifying, especially as a child. It's not that hard to make sure the door's shut, especially for someone you supposedly love and care for. Fuck the OP for 'testing' the legitimacy of his GF's trauma.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago (edited)
I have similar "coping mechanisms" (not sure what else to call them) in place due to my childhood ábuse from my mother (it lasted well into my teens/young adulthood.) I was never allowed to close any door in the house - not my bedroom door and not even the bathroom door. So, you can imagine the kinds of ábuse that happens when one has an ábusive parent - yep, even séxual ábuse, thanks, Mom! - and you're not even allowed to close your door. So I started leaving a "warning" up - I'd close my door a little bit (allowed as long as it didn't reach halfway closed) but hung jingle bells on the knób, so when my mom would push open the door in the middle of the night, at least I had a few seconds' warning before she started béating on me. I still hang bells on my doors at my house now - I live next door to them and my mom still barges into my house all the time (at least not to hit me - just verbal ábuse now!) So I leave the bells on the door so I have a heads-up.
Juls 1 day ago
I'm a 60-year-old woman and I sleep with a teddy bear. It's a form of self-comfort that is actually pretty common with people who suffered ab**e as a child. It's totally harmless. I've been with my husband for over 30 years. You know what he thinks about my sleeping with a teddy bear? He doesn't give a dang. Never has, even before he knew much about my childhood. Because that's what an actual partner does. They don't belittle and try to eradicate harmless coping mechanisms. He buys me a new bear every Valentine's day, because he is awesome. Sure, if your partner has a habit that is detrimental in some way, try to help them find another way to handle it that's more healthy. But we all have our little ways, and if your partner's little ways are harmless, let them alone.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
Yes! I still have my best bud, Chace, a stuffed German Shepherd I got (and named, lol) when I was 5. He's 38 years old now, and I still sleep with him in bed XD Even during the 3 years I lived with my now-ex, we slept in different rooms (I snore, he snores...) and so I even had Chace with me there XD Ex wouldn't have dared to displace my old buddy even if we'd slept in the same bed, though! XD That's so awesome that your husband buys you a new bear every year. Do you keep the old ones still?
Load More Replies... StrangeOne 1 day ago
His gf must have told him what scared her so much. The fact that he purposely triggered her fears "just to see what would happen" shows how non-compassionate he is. It may not make sense to him, but it really is a simple request. I get forgetting and all, but it's not like it's really this big chore. I think the glow in the dark stars are cool. I got my night time requirements, too. Closet door and bedroom have to be closed, and a lamp on. I feel watched and unsettled, otherwise. When I was staying at my bf's, he likes a pitch black room to sleep in. We were able to compromise. He allowed me to have the curtain a bit open to let the streetlight in a bit and listened to my soothing sounds on my phone with my earbuds. I didn't get mad at him. He didn't get mad at me. Perhaps OP and his gf are just not for each other.
Leah Woodard 1 day ago
When we first got married, my husband mentioned a 'weird' compulsion he has that required our kitchen light switches all be up (or down) when the lights were out. Widowed after 30 years...and I ALWAYS 'fixed' them for him.
KatSaidThat 21 hours ago
You do not f**k with someone's PTSD. I hope she gets more therapy (alone) and adds more stickers because there are some amazing ones like butterflies and dinosaurs - my room is covered in them. I also have a colourful rotating night light because I don't want to wake up to pitch dark. It is VERY low light but means I can see every door as well. My experience isn't as traumatic as hers but I do need every door in my room closed and my bedroom door locked at night.
Emilu 15 hours ago
I have to admit when I originally read about the cupboard door needing be shut I was a bit "err... why...?" but reading the story from the GF's perspective it makes perfect sense; her experience would be utterly terrifying, especially as a child. It's not that hard to make sure the door's shut, especially for someone you supposedly love and care for. Fuck the OP for 'testing' the legitimacy of his GF's trauma.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago (edited)
I have similar "coping mechanisms" (not sure what else to call them) in place due to my childhood ábuse from my mother (it lasted well into my teens/young adulthood.) I was never allowed to close any door in the house - not my bedroom door and not even the bathroom door. So, you can imagine the kinds of ábuse that happens when one has an ábusive parent - yep, even séxual ábuse, thanks, Mom! - and you're not even allowed to close your door. So I started leaving a "warning" up - I'd close my door a little bit (allowed as long as it didn't reach halfway closed) but hung jingle bells on the knób, so when my mom would push open the door in the middle of the night, at least I had a few seconds' warning before she started béating on me. I still hang bells on my doors at my house now - I live next door to them and my mom still barges into my house all the time (at least not to hit me - just verbal ábuse now!) So I leave the bells on the door so I have a heads-up.
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