One time, this lady and this guy ‘helped’ a homeless person outside the bar by talking to him for five minutes. They spent the rest of the night going on about it to the bartender and acting like heroes, as they did whole breakdowns of what happened and how they just had to step in and help someone in need. The bartender just really wanted them to stop talking.

I was sitting on my own and they insisted on sitting opposite me to have a talk with me about life and what it takes to be truly selfless. I did snap at them eventually, which got them to leave me alone.

Famous comedian approached my friends girlfriend in the airport while he was off buying something. He came back and the comedian acted as if he should know who he is. My friend asked him, after he never introduced him, "Am I supposed to know who you are?". The comedian was visibly taken aback. Was hilarious. After he left my friend turned to me and said "Yeah i know who he is, but he's a jerk". Legend.

On a crowded bus, packed to the nuts. Pulled up at the last stop before leaving downtown. A few more people were able to crowd on, but the driver had to say "sorry, everyone else has to wait for the next bus." 5-10 minute wait, not horrible weather. Person decides they MUST get on and kicks up a fuss at the door, refuses to get out of the doorway so the driver can close the door. Yelling that they worked hard all day and deserve a ride home NOW, this is discrimination, why are you denying ME a ride‽ There's probably 20 other people waiting behind them, they're not the only person being denied a ride. Driver tells them he cannot safely fit one more person on, please step back, numerous times then radios dispatch to send police. We all groan cuz they'll take 10-15 minutes to arrive then the driver will have to give a statement etc. And we'll be delayed half an hour minimum because this person thinks they're special. We may as well all get off bc the next bus will be here before the police get here, but that bus is going to be full too because it's rush hour, so probably more like an hour added to everyone's commute bc of this person.

One big guy forces his way to the front of the bus, he wasn't far behind the driver but it was fully packed. He steps up to the jerk and pushes them off the doorstep. Driver slams the door and takes off. EVERYONE CLAPPED and said thanks.

A 19-or-20 year old kid at the DMV who couldn't get his license because he failed the driving test. Again. The person helping him was patient at first but eventually they started repeating stuff back to him louder and louder so everyone could hear how stupid he was. He was adamant that because he'd spent X dollars paying to take the test "so many times" that he should just get the license. And of course, the kid's mother was there to argue on his behalf that in spite of failing the test, he should get the license. It's worth noting that he was definitely not disabled in any noticeable way, unless we are counting off-the-charts self-absorbed narcissism as a disability. The kid just got louder and whinier and more belligerent at each stage of the circular conversation, and eventually the security officer gently bounced him from the establishment. He screamed nonsensical profanity on the way out and his mother was muttering a bunch of curses at them too. I know this is a cliche that people on the internet use, but I swear, as soon as they were out the door we all clapped for the security guy.

Saw a guy at the airport whose flight got cancelled. everyone was losing it at the gate agent. this dude just calmly walked up, said "i know this isn't your fault, thank you for dealing with all of us" and asked what his options were. got rebooked on a better flight while everyone else was still yelling. absolute king energy.

I was walking past a florist stand and a girl danced up and picked up a single gerbera pose in a cutsey manner and was about to walk off when the florist shook his head and snatched it off her. I think she honestly thought she was in the romantic montage of a movie, but she wasn't.

A friend of mine came out to me. I congratulated her. For the next month I am in and out of the hospital with a mystery illness. Even when I'm not in the hospital, I am horizontal trying to recover. My friend tells me a month later she felt I was queerphobic because I wasn't happy enough for her during the times we talked. And its like...

1. I was literally trying not to die.
2. I came out 4 years before she did. Do not cite the old magic to me witch. I was there when it was written.