I just fired myself from cleaning my house.

I did not like my attitude, and I got caught drinking on the job. 

Daddy Facebook group: LOL!

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your kid does not need another cute outfit.

Mama. You need new underwear. 

“Thanks for your great advice on how I should raise my children,” said no mom ever. 

You know you're a mom when you understand why Mama Bear's porridge was cold. 

Being a mom means wholeheartedly searching for your kid’s chocolate bar that you just devoured last night. 

I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet and my husband is already there hiding out from me.

The quickest way to get my kids’ attention is to lie down on the couch. They’ll sense your comfort and abort the mission. 

Put good money into things that you use a LOT and don't spend money on stuff you really won't use. Only use a weed whacker once or twice a summer? Buy a cheap-ass weed whacker. Cook a lot? Buy the best pans you can afford.