Construction, in its broadest sense, refers to the act of building something. That description isn’t really specific, right? And what comes when a term is described in a non-specific way? It creates space for hilarious interpretations and funny leeways, as if construction work wasn’t already a suspiciously funny topic. Combine that quirky elbow room of interpretation with building a house, and you’ll have some of the best funny construction jokes ever.
Yup, we’re talking about construction memes, puns, one-liners, and even dirty construction jokes that will leave you wondering how on Earth you’ve spent your life without them. Of course, these funny construction puns and jokes wouldn’t be as charming without the main element here—the workers. These dudes and gals either seem to be in a terribly foul mood or merry and without any worry. It’s only ever one of these feelings; have you ever seen a construction worker displaying any other emotions? Neither have we. But that’s exactly why these contractor memes and construction jokes are so hilarious—it’s the human factor!
If you deem yourself to be a real connoisseur of written entertainment, some of these bits also fall into the construction dad jokes category. If you were to ask us, these are the absolute best kinds of jokes. Get ready to read these glorious, funny, and dirty construction jokes. They will surely squeeze a giggle or two out of you, so give the best jokes your vote! Don’t forget to share this article with your friends who might need some cheering up today.
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"Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself, I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else."
Sounds like a Jack Handey joke! Like: When I die I hope I go in my sleep, like grandpa. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.
For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
Minnesota has 4 seasons.
Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.
"You guys wanna hear a construction joke? Hold on, I'm working on it."
"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there."
A construction worker comes home from work.
He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
She replies, "The whole finger!?"
He says, "No, the one right next to it."
While constructing a house, which building has the least weight?
It most definitely is a lighthouse!
Never tell a window a joke.
You don't want to make it crack up.
What Are the Biggest Construction Fails?
Construction memes and jokes are hilarious because they play on well-known facts and some stereotypes about builders. Even though there are many great contractors, some careless workers will still make a name for themselves. Yep, we’re talking about construction fails, and their insane effects on society. Here are a few of the worst construction fails that happened on a large scale!
Tacoma Narrows Bridge
The Tacoma Narrows Bridge was constructed in 1940 and was the first cable suspension bridge and the third-largest suspension bridge in the US at that time. Just after its construction, it was found to dangerously buckle and sway during windy conditions. Even with normal winds, the bridge would undulate noticeably. And just four months later, 40mph winds caused it to collapse! Luckily, not a single person was killed, and its collapse influenced how future bridges were built and how engineers approached bridge aerodynamics.
Vdara Hotel and Spa
The Vdara Hotel and Spa was opened in December 2009. Unfortunately, just a year later, this hotel’s construction created problems when it was discovered to be a ‘death ray.’ The hotel was designed with a unique, curved structure that collected solar rays and beamed them to the hotel’s swimming pool area. Guests who were sunbathing ended up with singed hair, and one person’s plastic bag melted! Even though there are funny construction worker memes, these terrifying construction fails will make you rethink the structures around you.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa
Tourists love the Leaning Tower of Pisa because they can take funny pictures with it. But this tower is quite a fantastic construction failure in action. The building gets its weird design from a shoddy foundation built on soil with no load-bearing abilities. At the time of construction, when the tilt was noticed, the upper floors were created to make them taller on one side, resulting in its curved structure.
Why did the constructor shy away from making construction jokes?
Because the joke still needed some work!
Which seasons are the most distinct in the Midwest?
Two seasons are most distinct — winter and construction!
"I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning. Turned out to be a pyramid scheme."
"My city just fired half of the city's construction workers... Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own."
"My dad gave up his job of being a late-night radio DJ. He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks."
Why did the painter come to work wearing two jackets on a sunny day?
Because the head constructor advised him to always put two coats!
Why does a hammer remain upset all the time?
Because he gets hammered every day!
Why does the nail always have a headache? Because he gets hammered every day.
What is the number of constructors needed to change a single lightbulb?
Five. One will change it while the other four will hold the ladder steadily!
Did you know that the Pentagon was originally supposed to be an Octagon?
It’s true, but the contractor just kept cutting corners.
They hired a comedian at the local construction site.
Everyone loves him.
You could say he was really nailing it.
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
A construction worker named John Smith had an accident at work and died.
His co-workers don't know who is going to tell John's wife that he died.
After a lot of arguing they decide that Jack should bring the news.
After an hour Jack returns with two crates of beer. Everyone asks him how he got them.
Jack says, "I knocked on the door and a woman opened it. I asked: Are you John Smith's widow?"
The woman answered, "No, I'm his wife!"
Jack responded, "You want to bet two crates of beer that you're not?"
"My dad encouraged me to take a job on a highway construction crew... But I decided not to go down that road."
A dog is looking for work.
He stumbles across an open construction site with a hiring sign.
The dog goes to the foreman and says he's willing to work and can start immediately.
The foreman asks the dog if he has any experience with carpentry and construction.
The dog replies, "Some; I've got a lot of experience with *woofing*!"
What did the construction worker do to remove all the troubles in his work?
He simply hammered the kicks away!
What would you say if a construction company hires a lot of dwarves as their employees?
You would surely say that they are very short-staffed!
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning.
I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay, I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors.
“Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution.
“I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”
What was the under-appreciated, often-exploited kitchen contractor's complaint?
"I'm always taken for granite!"
"I got T-boned by a construction delivery truck the other day. It came down like a ton of bricks."
What similarity do you find between a volleyball player and a carpenter?
Both are equally known for liking hammer spikes!
Why did the construction worker build a library when asked to build the world's largest storied building?
Because he thought a library would have many stories!
Which band do construction workers love listening to the most?
They absolutely love 'The Carpenters'.
What did the assistant do when the head constructor asked him to join two pieces of wooden logs together?
He simply nailed it!
What did the chief constructor say to his juniors on their first day at work?
"Marble is a fine stone but never ever take it for granite!"
"How was I able to cleanly cut a log of wood in two equal halves just by looking at it? I simply saw it!"
What happens when a hairdresser and a carpenter start arguing?
It eventually leads to both going at each other with hammer and tongs!
Why do you need to give directions to a brick wall?
Perhaps because it is in need of re-pointing!
What did the chief engineer instruct during the construction of Big Ben?
He asked workers to work right under the clock.
By the way ... "Big Ben" is the hourly striking bell (13.5 tons) it is inside the Elizabeth Tower.
What happens when you press the button for the automatic hammer?
It sings out, 'You can't touch this'!
What happens when you drive beneath an under-construction overpass?
You are supposedly under construction!
A construction worker falls madly in love with a beautiful woman.
At first, he isn’t sure how to talk to her. One day he decides to use his job skills to win her over.
All he has to do is build up his confidence, hammer home his feelings, and try not to screw it up.
He just might nail it.
"My grandfather always used to say, “as one door closes, another one opens.” Great guy but a terrible carpenter."
Why was the concreter discharged after being accused of murder?
There was no concrete evidence.
"I knew a guy who operated a steamroller for a living. He was known to be quite good with flattery."
"I respectfully applaud the workers who dedicate themselves to the construction of Big Ben. They really work around the clock."
"No one believes that I was able to cut through wood by staring at when I was a kid. But trust me, I saw it with my own eyes!"
How do you know if you have an issue with carpenter ants?
There are tiny beer cans scattered all over the site.
"How many contractors does it take to screw in a light bulb? I'll let you know when one of them calls me back."
"I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship."
A nun overhears a bunch of construction workers swearing and decides to head over there for lunch one day...
The nun sits down at the lunch table with her little sack lunch and turns to a group of workers and says:
"Have any of you ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
One worker stands up and yells to everyone on the site: "Hey! Has anyone here ever heard of Jesus Christ?"
Another worker shouts back: "Why?"
The first worker says: "Because his mom's here with his lunch!"
A blind man walks into a bar...
...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.
"I saw the strangest protest sign driving to work today. I know all the construction can be inconvenient but seriously, "End Road Work"?"
A man worked at construction site and is brought to emergency room with concussion and skull fracture.
His wife, furious, comes to the hospital.
"What happened?!"
"Well, I asked John to throw me the hammer..."
"And then what?! You didn't catch it?"
"As matter of fact, I did catch it. But then I remembered we have 3 guys named John working on our site..."
A dog in a hard hat walks into a bar.
The dog says "I'll have a beer. I'm on lunch break from the construction site across the street."
The bartender says "Wow, a talking dog! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies "Why? Do they need construction workers?"
How do you confuse a construction worker?
Put a spade and a shovel in the corner, then tell him to take his pick!!
Why was the busybody constructor very poor in his work?
Because he was always meddling in someone else's business!
What is the advice that carpenters are given from their first day?
They are taught 'Nails can fail, but the hammer shouldn't ever stammer'.
What did the idle carpenter say to his manager?
"I am very board, it wood be best to give me some work.''
Why are construction workers usually experts in arguing with others?
Because they are all excellent de-batters!
What do you think if you see the sign 'Road Rehab'?
You will think that the road is addicted to numerous construction work!
What words would you hear if you remove a worker's cap and wear it on your head?
You would probably hear the Oi-SHA!
What did I do when my wife said that she loved heavy metal music?
I simply took her to visit a construction site!
What do construction workers say before they begin a job?
"Let’s make sure we don’t screw this up."
Why do construction workers make bad bartenders?
When you order a stiff drink, they bring you a glass full of cement.
"I’ve started this new fad diet. You have to hit garden buildings with a hammer. I’m just looking to pound a few sheds."
Contractors don't go to Hell... They go to purgatory.
Once a week Satan comes down, waves, and hollers, "Guys, don't worry. You'll be out of here next week. I promise!"
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
Me: "I had to quit my construction job because I wasn't strong enough for the work."
Friend: "Did you give them your "too weak" notice?"
What do you call a superstitious construction vehicle that has a gross physique?
Icky-bod Crane.
A kid is selling lemonade.
The boy's sign reads 1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren't your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.
Why are windows known to not laugh at any jokes?
Because they don't really like cracking up!
Why are drills always upset for not having any friends at all?
Because drills are very boring!
What does a reptile carpenter in the Jurassic age use for cutting wood?
He probably used a dino-saw!
What did the worker say about his favorite tool?
He said a shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
What is the main difference between a construction site and a bar of magnet?
A construction site has many poles, while a magnet has only two!
What does one feel when they see a lot of lame construction jokes?
It makes them very board!
What does a construction manager tell his workers?
He usually tells them to nail the delivery!
Why couldn't I say anything when a worker asked me to comment on his tools?
It was due to the fact that I didn't have any drill bits!
Why was I unable to get construction supplies at the store?
Because they said that it was under construction!
Why couldn't the worker open a restaurant named 'The Crowbar'?
It isn't easy to open a crowbar.
"Today at the construction site we had an accident. I was hit in the head by a can. Lucky for me it was a soft drink."
This contractor guy dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday. He ascends to heaven where he’s greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.
Saint Peter shakes the guy's hand warmly and says “Congratulations!”
The contractor is a little confused. “Congratulations for what?” he asks.
“Congratulations for what!?” says Saint Peter. “We’re celebrating the fact you lived to the grand old age of 160.”
The contractor says, “But that’s not right – I only lived to be 40.”
“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter. “We added up your time sheets!”
A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt.
The bartender asks, “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says, “One beer for me, and one for the road.”
"I didn’t expect much from the movie about construction workers, but it was actually quite riveting."
"My manager asked me for a blueprint, so I stuck my hand in blue ink and pressed my palm on his desk."
A construction worker walks into a bar and orders a “stiff drink” after work.
5 minutes later, the bartender brings him a glass filled to the brim with cement.
"In future I’ll just use the same landscaper I used last year. He was really easy to get a lawn with."
"I took a quiz about construction work. I screwed it up. I took it again and I nailed it."
What did the window glazier say when he cut himself on the window glass?
"This is extremely paneful."
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
A construction worker walks into a bar.
His friends start laughing at how not careful he is.
Why was the worker sad when a newly constructed window broke?
Because it was very pane-ful for the worker.
Why is a construction worker usually known to put his fingers in blue colored paint?
Because he wants to check the blueprint!
Which book is the Bible for all constructors?
The book named 'Knowing How To Tighten the Drill' by Chuck Keys!
How does a worker plan his gym routine?
He hammers the logs, which help him pound a couple of shreds!
What did the stand-up comic say about his road construction joke?
He could only lay it for everyone in some time.
Why was the accused worker discharged by the court?
Because they couldn't find any concrete evidence against him!
What do you say to an amateur worker having difficulty with the saw?
"If you can pull it, then don't bother pushing it".
What did the old log of wood say to the new wood which was currently being sawed?
He said, "You are just a chip off the old block."
What did the worker say when the customer enquired as to whether the wooden ship will be reverted to its original shape?
"Don't worry at all. Everything will be in ship-shape."
Why is Christmas day just like a day at a construction site?
You end up doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit takes all the credit.
"I went into my local DIY superstore yesterday and said to a member of staff, “Where can I find some hammers, nails, a trowel and a bag of cement?" He replied, “They’re all under ‘Construction’.” I said, “Oh, well where will they be when they’re finished?”"
Getting old is weird, because there’ll be things you notice that you didn’t realize you were paying attention to…
There’ll be a building going up. And you find yourself thinking "There’s no way the economy’s strong enough right now to support the completion of this construction project…"
How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to grab a beer and one to call the electrician.
Jeffrey left his job in construction as he wasn’t able to carry the scaffolding.
He handed in his too-weak notice.
It was a hot summer's day when the foreman of a building site came back from a meeting to find one of his workers painting the building as he had been instructed, but he was wearing 2 rain jackets.
The foreman says to him "why on earth are you wearing two rain jackets, it is a hot day and not even raining!"
The worker replies "the instructions on the paint can said to make sure that you use two coats."
A priest hires a contractor to paint his house.
The contractor thins out his paints using water hoping to stretch out his supply, so the final product ends up quite lacking.
When the priest confronts him about it, he apologizes and asks if the priest would like him to redo everything.
The priest tells him, "Repaint, and thin no more."
"I was watching some construction workers today
outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.
I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden, a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...
It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod...""
What did the happy construction worker like attaching steel pipes with one another?
Because he found that the work was very riveting!
What did the constructor owner say when he realized that his workers were stealing things from the site?
He said, "I can't believe I missed it, but the signs were pretty clear."
What do you call someone who transports construction site materials from one place to another?
You call him a screw-driver!
Why did the constructor shy away from making construction jokes?
Because the joke still needed some work!
"My uncle is a general contractor primarily focused on the construction of new branch locations for credit unions and other financial institutions. He makes bank."
What does a construction worker resort to when his primary goal fails?
He always has additional pylons to help him out!
Did you hear about the contractor who abused the offer for a free kitchen countertop?
He took it for granite.
This guy lives in a bad neighborhood and every night, when he walks home, he grabs a couple of cobblestones in each hand, for protection from thieves and muggers.
After some time, there is a pile of cobblestones outside his home.
His contractor neighbor notices and asks, "What's up with all these rocks?"
Guy responds, "Oh, they're the cobblestones I use to protect myself when coming home."
Neighbor thinks for a few seconds and says, "I think we have enough rocks for a full fence here. Next time, when you come home, fill up some socks with some sand."
A carpenter walks onto a job site of a large company and hands the foreman his application.
The foreman begins to scan the sheet and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he ever had.
“I must say,” says the foreman, “your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job.”
“Yes,” says the carpenter.
“Well,” continues the foreman, “there’s not much positive in that.”
“Hey!” says the guy as he pokes the application. “At least I’m not a quitter.”
Why Are Construction Memes So Funny?
Construction workers have taught us how to build something beautiful and take it apart. Their hilarious antics and sometimes terrifying building choices provide endless entertainment. It’s important to take these under-construction memes with a pinch of salt but also learn from the amazing contractors out there. Get started with these awesome construction tips to try and DIY home renovation ideas. If you don’t do it well, who knows, maybe you’ll become the subject of construction jokes someday!
