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Have you ever thought of the best comeback only after it was too late? Right before bed, while taking a shower or standing in an elevator, you get your light-bulb moment: “Ahh, why didn't I think of it before?” The French even came up with a term for that, l'esprit de l'escalier—the spirit of the staircase—and it means that the perfect retort arises only when it doesn't matter anymore.
However, this does not apply to everyone. A select few have the superpower of coming up with snappy one-liners on the spot, and the r/CleverComebacks subreddit is the site to go for these legendary comments. As the moderators put it, “If someone just got shown up, this is the place to post it.“
So make sure to scroll down and upvote your favorite retorts! And if you can't get enough of snappy comebacks, make sure to check out Bored Panda's previous posts here, here and here.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
He Was Asking For It!
If you'd like to share a post on the “Clever Comebacks“ subreddit page, there are a few rules you need to follow. Firstly, you should know what a witty comment is.
According to the moderators, it's “responses to someone that, for lack of a better word, roasts them”. Also, baseless insults, tasteless jokes, and “no, u” style replies are considered garbage content, and nobody likes them.
When you think about it, the only obvious goal when trying to think of a snappy comeback is to get a good laugh and share your original thought. And the same applies to real-life situations.
If you hate those awkward moments when your friends or coworkers throw you a snide comment and everything that comes to your mind sounds lame, don't worry. In real life, not many people can be as clever as Dr. House or Chandler Bing, but there are a few ways you can improve your reactions and become wittier.
RELATED:
#2
Bless This Woman
One of the things that could make you better is the world of improv acting. When it comes to showing your wit, timing is everything. The reply should be as spontaneous as the words that took you by surprise. One way of improving would be to become a better active listener. As Abigail Paul, workshop facilitator and training developer, told the BBC, “people think faster than others speak, giving the listener “extra time“ to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.”
Come to think of it, there have been many times when we already wanted to share an idea with the person who's not yet finished talking. “Most of us don't listen to the whole message,” Paul said, “we are just waiting to make our own points.” So if you want to whip out snappy remarks, you should actively listen to what the other person is saying and use the unexpected material she or he gave you.
#3
Not Be A Baby Machine
#4
This Always Makes Me Laugh
Sometimes, when we receive a biting remark, we might feel offended. Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant, said that negative comments usually come from a place of insecurity. So when it comes to your coworker who constantly tosses you rude remarks, remember that responding positively might ease the pressure and keep projects going smoothly. ”Positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one,” Raffy said.
#5
It Was Social Distancing Haha
Raven Sheridan 4 years ago
Clearly this person got their prehistoric knowledge from watching The Flintstones.
#6
They Don't Give A Damn
Kristin Burggraf 2 years ago
Can I interest you in some fairtrade organic aloe for that... BURN?!?!?!
Another great tip would be silencing your inner critic: “It’s about letting go of the need to judge ourselves,” Raffy explains. You should try saying what's on your mind without thinking about it. In improv theater, actors try to let go of their inner voice and give in to their “deepest fantasies” in order to say something spontaneous that they would never say in real life.
#7
Oof. That Burn Needs Some Love
#8
German History Lesson
Me Me 1 year ago
- printing press - light bulb - telephone - tape recorder - turntable - mp3 - tv - first freely programmable computer - generator - automobile - jet engine - helicopter - jeans - toothpaste - periodic table of elements - theory of relativity - x-rays - nuclear fission - bacteriology - aspirin Just to name a few.
#9
A Punchline From Twitter, Does This Count As A Meme?
Let's not forget the brands that make clever comebacks a key part of their communication with customers. One obvious example is the fast-food chain Wendy's and their made-up social media holiday—National Roast Day. Their communications team does not hold back when it comes to witty replies in their social channels. The question is, do the customers actually value it?
#10
Someone Needs A Refresher On Anatomy
Otter 4 years ago
So THAT'S how his wife explained all those kids, even if he never had sex with her while awake!
Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
When I was five (1970s), I thought the vagina was at the front of the body, right behind the zipper on pants, and that babies were birthed from the belly button. I was five! What’s this jackass’s excuse?!
Otter 4 years ago
Around that age, my brother claimed to have watched a parade before he was born. He said that he climbed up from Mom's belly and looked out through her mouth. I was four or so, I was fairly sure he was lying, but couldn't prove it.
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GoddessOdd 4 years ago (edited)
OK... this is a joke, right? I have not been checking my vagina in the mornings to see what it might have vacuumed up in the night...😲😲😲
Rebekah 4 years ago
You know in the movie Tremors, when the creatures open their mouths, and the little tongue/mouth/icky creatures come out searching for the humans? This is what I'm picturing from this VaginaVacuum action. "What's that noise?" "Oh, just my VV, searching for a flaccid penis."
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
I now need to rewatch Tremors with that thought in mind!
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Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
Or, Fry & Laurie, as they’re generally listed.
Load More Replies... Jaekry 4 years ago
I must say... I'm really proud of that made up word. Lol. Hope it works. 😂
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Paul Davis 4 years ago
Jeezus it's unbelievable there are people broadcasting ideas and attitudes that were outdated 200 years ago. How are we ever going to build a good society with damned morons like this running around?
Hotdogking 4 years ago
Question for these kinds of people; if God hates sex, why is it pleasurable in the first place?
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But it is absolutely hilarious. My ribs are hurting from laughing so hard. The comments are just icing on the cake!!
JuniorCJ82 4 years ago
You're absolutely right. Forceful sex IS unnatural. It's commonly called rape. #consent
LH25 4 years ago
So I can't procreate anymore. Had a hysterotomy 5 years ago. I need to tell hubby that we can't have any more fun in the bedroom I guess... :)
DennyS (denzoren) 4 years ago
To quote another BP article....What in the Scooby Doo shiz is this?
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
You’ve clearly never worked in a position where you are interfacing with real, live ordinary Americans. So many of us are appalling!
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Callie Krisel 2 years ago
So tell me why there’s a part of the vagina that has a sole purpose of pleasure 🙄
Pamela Blue 2 years ago
Oh my goodness I haven't giggled so hard for a long time! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Stephanie L Thesing 2 years ago
That’s about the grossest description of intercourse I’ve encountered. Can’t stop picturing it…..🤢
DC 4 years ago
Who even comes up with that kind of crap? I know asexual people who are more than aware that this isn't exactly how it is going ... unconsciousness during intercourse screams something very very else than natural procreaton to me, something worth quite a few years behind bars.......
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 4 years ago
*wakes up* my rug is clean but now I have a vaginal infection.
J Robertson 4 years ago
This is actually terrifying. I saw a story recently about a young married couple trying to conceive. It had been like a year with multiple doctors visits and testing trying to figure out why they couldn't get pregnant. They thought he had to ejaculate in/on her belly button!!!!!
SuperChicken 4 years ago
So, according to this, the vagina is now the alien facehuggers from Aliens??? 🤣🤦♀️
Betty Swallocks 2 years ago
Sounds like her dad liked to spoon in the middle of the night.....
Chris Sprucefield 4 years ago
While there are no cure for stupid, at least, a liberal amount of duct tape can muffle it, or render it less harmful...
justmemorticia 4 years ago
Was that original article supposed to be funny or someone just got hit by a really big coconut?
Grace and Lucy 4 years ago
Who ever wrote this gem is trying desperately to avoid the real description of intercourse. Reminds me of something written in the early to middle 20th century. The book: Little Women, the Estrogen Years.
James Pasquini 4 years ago
roflmao! Oh my! So if two people are in love and want to reproduce, all they have to do is to go to sleep while embraced? lol! Would that work if the woman was embracing the man from behind? I mean they are embraced, love one another and are SLEEPING! Magical!
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 4 years ago
Now there is a person who is totally clueless. He is going to be a republican senator one day.
Carole Strawn 4 years ago
OMG, who explained the facts of life to them? Outrageous but the comment below made me laugh out loud.
Carol Emory 4 years ago
Is someone laying the ground work for "Of course the baby is yours. You probably f***ed me in the middle of the night when you were sleeping and don't remember."
Izzy Curer 4 years ago
Oh, you know what? I've heard this before. This theory came from a quack doctor living in the 1800's. He also believed that this event happened only in the spring. I had no idea any of that was still kicking around. Huh.
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
As if more proofs were needed to explain why we should have more sex education...
Joanna Werman 4 years ago
I wonder what else his penis has been sucked into while he's been sleeping? Lamp? Microwave? Out the window
Anna Banana 4 years ago
Why did their god make survival of the species dependent on sex if sex is such a bad thing?
Oogiebogieaugiedaddy 4 years ago
Her mother was the mother in the movie Sybil, and told her this bullshit. She is one of Sybil's personalities.
Steve Fischer 4 years ago
The stupid walk amongst us. Someone vacuumed up her brain a long time ago. Now she's just an airhead
Andrew Dunford 4 years ago
This is So Funny!! What Sort of Primative Fucktard came up with this Bullshit??!?!
Sheila Stamey 4 years ago
This person cannot possibly identify as either male or female. ( The author of the ridiculous hoover procreation story that sounds faintly like the rhetoric of the LDS). Because .... Well..neither genitals can do what is described! I feel so sad. Something given to us to enjoy,that gives beautiful gifts and this idjit writes this drivel!
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 4 years ago
Tell me you are a virgin without telling me that you are a virgin.
Keerthi Vardhan 4 years ago
Gosh..I laughed too loud reading this..kind of terrifying to imagine the wrong end starting the vaccum opration. All without electricity and completely unatural.
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I have been laughing at this one for a while now. Tears rolling down my face
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Lav Oravaf 4 years ago
flaccid penis..."Its not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it IS a big deal"
XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
How the f**k can anyone be this stupid? Did an eight year old write that?
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
An 8 yer old should still have an age appropriate understanding of human biology.
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#12
Got Roasted By A Police Twitter
A survey by Sprout Social suggests that such responses are actually not appreciated by customers. Brand personality should connect your product to its consumers but as it turns out, that's not always the case. Sprout surveyed 1,000 consumers on which traits they want brands to share on social media and what action behaviors like humor or friendliness cause.
#13
It Is Funny But True
#14
Yep May Be It Is True
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
It's not illegal to seek asylum. Also, documented immigrants have lower rates of committing violent, property, or drug crimes than native-born citizens. Undocumented immigrants have rates even lower than them. The anti-immigrant, xenophobic fear-mongering that happens here is ridiculous and repulsive. Here's the research if anyone needs to educate friends or family: https://www.pnas.org/content/117/51/32340
#15
Whatever Your Weakness, There's A Hellion To Exploit It
River Webb 4 years ago (edited)
do you think Jeff has anymore d*** rockets? I need to get off this planet, permanently
It seems that “three-quarters of consumers surveyed believe there’s value in brands exhibiting humor on social but only one-third actually want brands to bring on the snark full force.” The majority of consumers buy from brands that are honest, helpful and friendly. “It turns out that at the end of the day, consumers want brands to use social as a customer care channel”, Sprout explains. So while this kind of risky brand personality offers you a great deal of exposure, it seems that it's actually bad for business.
#17
Elon Musk Gets Destroyed By Facts And Logic
#18
Simple Math To Hard
Lastly, for a clever comeback to be considered great, it has to be honest. "The best retorts speak truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," said Paul. "That's generally what makes us laugh." So if you think of a clever comeback that's piercingly accurate and say it right there on the spot, you feel absolutely great because you know that you've earned it.
#19
True Perfection Has Been Achieved
#20
Old But Gold
Julie C Rose 4 years ago
Congratulations to Australia for deporting her when she acted like a brat about quarantining.
#21
Accessible Parking, But Only During Office Hours
#23
Jesus Statues vs. Police State
#24
Finnally A Manager Making A Comeback
#25
Found This While Browsing Instead Of Sleeping
#26
Would You Like Some Whine With That?
#28
English Unchanged
#29
He Makes A Good Point
#30
Technically He Spoke Genders Into Existence Because By His Very Word He Can Create
#31
I Prayed For Help And God Sent Doctors With The Vaccine, I Said "No Thanks, I'm Waiting For God To Help Me"
#32
One For The Burn Ward
#33
Mindy Kaling Shuttin’ ‘Em Down
#34
Not Sure What Is The Objective Is Here?
#35
Nasa Is Untrustworthy
#36
It Really Is The Churches Motto Tho
#37
The Real Deal
River Webb 4 years ago
even if he stays out of the emergency room (which he should) he'll still impact others, either by transmitting the disease to the vulnerable or to spread misinformation.
#38
She Seems So Dumb
River Webb 4 years ago
I'll pay 38 dollars for a burrito if it means someone is able to pay their bills
#39
I'm Not A Gamer For Nothing
#40
Why Do Some People Want Others To Have It Bad Cruz They Had ? Hope This Isn't Already Here
River Webb 4 years ago
why is there such a big obsession with the military, I mean killing others or getting yourself killed is hardly a good thing
#41
Look I Made A Joke
River Webb 4 years ago
you can't spell stupid without u, except this probably isn't a coincidence
#42
Does Jlo Have A Reply To That?
#43
In 1919 And 1920, At The Very Start Of His Career, Tolkien Worked On The Staff Of The Oxford English Dictionary; He Later Said Of This Time That He “.. Learned More In Those Two Years Than In Any Other Equal Period Of My Life”
#44
It Works Both Ways!
River Webb 4 years ago (edited)
honestly pack your bags and leave, save your husband the trouble
#45
He Wants The Ring Please
#46
Don’t Mistake Empathy For Weaknesses
#47
Getting Schooled
River Webb 4 years ago
how do people who barely managed a high school degree get into parliament?
#48
Fake Incest Go!
#49
State Representative Got Owned!
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
It disgusts me to my core when adults use children to further their political or personal ideology.
#51
What He Say?
#52
Well Played, The Almighty
Marcellus II 4 years ago
When I hold hands with my partner, I always hold both hands. Very inconvenient and somewhat unusual, but hey I can't take the chance they're masturbating with the other.
#54
She Said Over Her Dead Body......
#55
I Laughed Too Hard At This
Marcellus II 4 years ago
There's entire books written without specific letters. From 6th century BC to present, that kind of wordgames have been in French, English, Turkish, German, ... and it's called a https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lipogram
#56
To Dress Up
#57
Stop Complaining
#58
Naked Truth
Spikey boi 4 years ago
Ouch. That is a nasty racist comment down below. Ignore that and take a Kitten instead! 🐱🐱🐱
#59
Eddie The Eagle
River Webb 4 years ago
"now this young woman who has probably only jumped once in her life, will now be attempting the long jump! Look at her go, and she's made it! A full centimetre, a round of an applause for this fantastic lady!"
#61
No, Not Like That!
#62
He Did Spell It Wrong
#64
Screw Caitlyn Jennerule
#66
Family Problems
#67
Friend Sent Me This Screen-Grab About “Alpha” Males Against Dating Trans Women And That Is One Hell Of A Burn
#68
Still Chasing That Dollar
#69
A Pretty Thorough Demolition
#70
There Was An Attempt
#72
When You Try To Act Smart Only To Be Told Off
#73
He So Right
Brendan Roberts 4 years ago
He's right - chimps are deeply uncivilised. They should follow one of our courtships: approach a girl, flirt with her a little, drop a pill in her drink, rape her, and then claim she was asking for it because she wore a short skirt.
#74
Under An Ask Reddit Post, Holy Shit I Was Laughing For 20 Minutes
#75
When You Get Caught Being Stupid...
#76
“For Whom Cnn Won’t Cheerlead?!”
#77
Roman Emperors, Hopefully This Title Is Long Enough
#78
My Man Got Insulted Real Bad, Real Quick
XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
Some people were dropped as children, but this person clearly had a brick dropped on their head, repeatedly
#80
“How This Millennial Paid Off His Student Loans By Playing Children’s Games”
#81
Hey Jr, It’s “Father, ” Not “Fat Her”
#82
This Response To An Antivax Conspiracy Theorist
#83
Did You Do Long Jump In High School?
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
"I think we do need stricter gun laws." "So now you're telling us you are anti constitution?"
#84
I Love Ignorant Christians
#85
You Broke-A** Willy Wonka
#86
Seriously Though, We Need To Get Our Hands On Those Lottery Numbers
#87
Ohhhh Bitlife
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
At least not all people are terrible. You seem pretty chill.
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Random Anon 4 years ago
This is like a rollercoaster ride. As my faith in humanity gets eroded away by the amount of idiocy on display, I am also thoroughly entertained by the burns that followed and hence replenished enough of said lost faith.
Leslie Burleson 4 years ago
I love a good clever comeback . What I don't love is social media articles aimed at scorning different sets of people , dividing them and causing fighting that has escalated beyond the phone or computer screen. When you talk down to people because they hold different beliefs than you , it's not a clever comeback ... it's being a jerk. Stop falling victim to social media click bait tactics . Start being kind to one another
Rob Kneepkens 4 years ago
Already seen most of those before on bored panda. Stop posting the same stuff just to write articles
HellVetios 4 years ago
Nice try comrade. I guess the Nazis just didn't the whole nazism really right
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Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
So f**k off and go and masturbate over Fox News then.
Load More Replies... Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
At least not all people are terrible. You seem pretty chill.
Load More Replies... Random Anon 4 years ago
This is like a rollercoaster ride. As my faith in humanity gets eroded away by the amount of idiocy on display, I am also thoroughly entertained by the burns that followed and hence replenished enough of said lost faith.
Leslie Burleson 4 years ago
I love a good clever comeback . What I don't love is social media articles aimed at scorning different sets of people , dividing them and causing fighting that has escalated beyond the phone or computer screen. When you talk down to people because they hold different beliefs than you , it's not a clever comeback ... it's being a jerk. Stop falling victim to social media click bait tactics . Start being kind to one another
Rob Kneepkens 4 years ago
Already seen most of those before on bored panda. Stop posting the same stuff just to write articles
HellVetios 4 years ago
Nice try comrade. I guess the Nazis just didn't the whole nazism really right
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
So f**k off and go and masturbate over Fox News then.
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