We protect ourselves from many things. Even truths, when they're too painful for us to accept. While in the short term denial can be beneficial and, for example, give us time to organize ourselves after a traumatic event, it can also have a darker side and become unhealthy.
Suppressed feelings can slowly take over and push us towards withdrawal, bullying, self-harm, or substance abuse.
Reddit user Inferno2808 recently made a post on the platform, asking others to share "the clearest cases of 'living in denial'" they've seen, and the replies they've received serve as a poignant reminder that if left unchecked, destructive thoughts and behavior can really take a toll on us.
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Denial is incredibly useful. So the clearest case I’ve seen is me and my husband all of 2022. Melanoma went to stage four. Somehow, he had no pain and felt fine until the last week of his life. We had a great time together. He didn’t want anyone to know he was sick until he felt sick and he didn’t feel sick until his last week of life so nobody knew. He went back up north that summer for a few weeks to hang out with his brother and his friends and go see his mom and had truly a great time. We did a trip to Mexico, and two months later he was dead. But my goal that year was to feed him everything he liked as much as possible, and make him laugh. It was successful. Thank you, denial, for making his last year special.
My dad doesn’t want a hearing aid because he thinks it will make him look old. I tried to tell him that what makes him look really old is mishearing things all the time, but he didn’t hear me.
My brother is married for the fourth time, my mother blames all his ex-wives. I keep pointing out her son is the common link to all the divorces.
"nobody wants to work" when rent has doubled in ten years but wages have barely risen
Me, thinking I'll get in better shape and lose some weight while doing literally nothing to make it happen 🙃
It sounds like it’s not a priority for you right now. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; I don’t know what else is going on in your life. But get real with yourself about the actual reason why you’re struggling to prioritise it, and reflect on what, if anything, you could change to make it happen, because this self deprecation thing clearly hasn’t worked.
Buddy keeps complaining that 'normal' guys won't respond to him on dating apps and keeps getting hit on by 'creepy old dudes.' Uh, you're nearly 60, and those are age-appropriate matches. 🫤
The vast majority of single gay men whom with I’m friends (given I’m queer & 80%+ of my social circle is also) seem to have this problem. My closest friend is 51, puts “42” on his dating profiles (he looks it, I suppose) and complains when these 45yo “older” men hit him up. He validates this with claiming his bio says “my age or younger” yet doesn’t seem to process his matches ARE younger if he considers his actual age. Maybe is a gay thing? So many of us take care of our bodies, dress smart & moisturize that we can get away with shaving off a decade?!?
I am a teacher- I have so many parents in denial about their children’s grades or behavior. I once had a kid headbutt me and break my nose bc he couldn’t go to recess right then and there, “but he’s an angel at home!” (Where he’s only ever playing on a tablet)
I also have one parent in particular who has 4 children, and ALL of them have behavior problems, to the point of multiple suspensions or being made to move schools or teachers. and I have to wonder: after 4 children with issues…is it not possible YOU might be part of the problem??
My sister wears flannel shirts and has really short hair and drives a Subaru and wears a battleaxe necklace and has a pile of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions and a lesbian pride flag in her room and my mom still hasn't figured out she's gay
My family had the same problem. For years, they swore that my mannish aunt, who wears men's suits, has a man's haircut and deepens her voice "is just roomates" with her couple, with whom she has been +30 years. BTW, they have a healthier and more stable relationship than all my relatives.
My step-dad's coworker got three different vasectomies. His wife kept getting pregnant each time, and he insisted the doctor had somehow botched the procedure. After the third vasectomy, she turned up pregnant again, and the doctor told him, "There's nothing left of your vas deferens. Have you considered she may be cheating on you?"
Im in a medical stats program.
This statistic for a population in mississipi was depressing.
85% of target group lives on a household income $35,000 or less per year.
85% of same target group thinks that medical funding for the poor doesnt do any good and shouldnt be wasted on helping the poor.
This is absolute insanity. Like they dont even seem to realize they ARE the poor being offered help. They somehow use the cult thinking of system justification to somehow exclude themselves from thinking they are the poor.
Many of the Bible Belt people do not vote in favor of their own best interests. Beyond stupid.
Any 40+ year old man getting upset with his 18/19/20 ish year old girlfriend for being “immature”.
So my sister gets married, he husbands family are pretty heavy drinkers, and it's the full range of drinks; beers whenever, mixed drinks, straight hard liquor like vodka, whatever is on hand, and plenty of it; seven days a week, and all day on weekends, holidays, etc.
So her husband's brother, late 20's, hits it a lot harder than even the other people in his family; a full handle of vodka after work every day kind of hard. Four or five over a weekend, all by himself.
So he gets sick, not felling well, tired, etc. but just puts it down to getting older and maybe not handling his liquor like he used to, but doesn't cut back at all.
Once he starts turning yellow, he gets to the doctor, who tells him his liver is shot; full cirrhosis, there's nothing left of it, whatever. He tells the doc he doesn't know why, he doesn't drink any more than the people he knows, it's a mystery, but he'll stop entirely to get put on a list for a new liver.
He obviously doesn't stop drinking, doesn't even cut back. Everyone knows it's the drinking and cirrhosis, but he and his family start calling it "cancer"- it's cancer, so the drinking has nothing to do with it.
So he eventually ends up in the hospital full time because there's no liver for him yet, and his family starts sneaking vodka into the hospital so he can keep drinking.
He left the hospital on a slab, and the family starts asking people for money for cancer walks, stuff like that, and not a one of them cut back the drinking at all.
If they confront his issues with drinking they'd have to confront theirs - can't have that now, can we?
My loving, yet abusive and alcoholic father telling me that he has no problems to fix and that whatever trauma I think happened in my childhood is a product of my “sick and twisted mind” because he was “nothing but good to me”.
That'd be my "father". My "mother" was manic-depressive, as it was called back then. She had several major breakdowns during my childhood. Every time, he'd act like nothing was wrong. She'd be screaming & throwing things, and he'd just try to placate her. It never worked.
A couple times, I pointed out that she needed to be committed. He always responded that a person couldn't be committed unless they're a danger to themselves or others. True, but she obviously was. I was terrified of her. Even apart from the breakdowns, she threw rage attacks at the drop of a hat.
Long story short, in my 20s I found out that A) they'd had two kids before me, and B) she'd drowned them in a bathtub during a psychotic episode. What I never found out was how she gor released or why she was able to conceive me less than a year later.
A friend was with me when I found out about B). He told me later that he'd always thought I was exaggerating when I said I'd feared for my life as a kid. I couldn't blame him, it does sound outlandish.
After that, it was even more baffling that my father thought we were safe living with her.
Holy c**p, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I have bipolar, type II and I've never 'naturally' become psychotic, but I had a VERY idiosyncratic med reaction to an antiepileptic which DID trigger multiple short psychotic episodes. Luckily I mostly had a friend with me who kept telling me my delusions were psychosis due to the medication, and I didn't have paranoia too (thank goodness) and I trusted her. I don't remember much of it (very common) but at one point for example I was convinced I was pregnant with an army of hamsters (lol), totally whack but it was my reality. Which is hilarious, but also terrifying, because if my friend hadn't been there, and it hadn't been a harmless delusion?? I'm so sorry your father didn't protect you, that's unforgivable. That's on him, not you. I hope you've been able to get some support.
My Dad has PSP/dementia. My Mom refused to acknowledge that it was a developing problem, because it was an “inconvenience to their lifestyle”. I confronted her, because he needed to have his drivers license taken away, because he was a danger on the road.
My Dad impulsively went out one day, bought a BMW without her present, and later drove it underneath a semi truck. And shocker- that was when she realized he was unwell. I also had to find out through extended family about his accident, because she didn’t want give us “the satisfaction” of being right all along.
My mom - "There are no gay people in India"
Her wondering why one of her friend's son is not interested in meeting any girls and me explaining that he's gay.
I am afraid that some people in the Indian government, particularly the BJP, are likely to agree with her.
Broadly speaking, parents who think their kids are “so smart” bc they can use an iPad. Like wow he can click the next video, great. But he’s almost 5 and can’t count and doesn’t know his letters, and you kept him out of preschool because “he’s not ready yet.” Maybe reevaluate what’s important.
Hope he’s at least potty trained. Apparently that’s a problem in kindergarten now. I can’t even.
Hilaria Baldwin’s commitment to her fake Spanish accent, even after she was outed as having been born and raised in Boston with zero Spanish heritage.
Ex’s mom: moved to Vegas from Europe. Went broke gambling over 10 or so years, practically homeless… then she got injured on a casino escalator and was compensated more than fairly with a life changing amount of money… guess who went broke again, pretty much exclusively at the same casino…?
Addiction whether it is gambling, smoking or drugs is terrible. People ruin their lives over it.
Friend diagnosed with diabetes 10 years ago, has needle phobia so afraid of pricking his fingers to monitor his blood sugar so doesn't, and just "eats healthy". Due to blood sugar fluctuations, gradually goes blind and kidney fails, 3.5 years on dialysis, then finally gets a kidney transplant. Home again with new kidney, is still afraid of pricking his fingers and decides he will manage his diabetes by "eating healthy" just like he did for the past 10 years :_-(
My mom has been a smoker for 40 years. She was diagnosed with COPD. Goods news is she can spend $400 a month on an inhaler that makes her feel better. No need to give up smoking, clearly.
Me, when I thought I could help my mom and that it was my job to make her happier. She screwed up her life and made every choice that got her where she is today, and continues to make poor choices all the time. It took years and years for me to realize there's nothing I can do except call her occasionally and say I love you, and it's not my fault she lives the way she does.
It's never our job to make someone else happy. This is the hardest thing to accept when you're in a relationship (any relationship: friend, parent, sibling, partner, lover, spouse) with a person who has chronic depression. "I just can't make you happy!" "Why can't you just be happy being with me?" I've heard all those. You can only reassure and be there for them, but you can't be responsible for another person's happiness.
Got a friend. He's in his fifties, makes next to minimum wage. Drinks and eats too much. He and his gf (late sixties) live with a mutual friend.
They're "discussing" adopting a child.
Someone who has severe hearing loss but insists the reason he has to say “What?” all the time is because everyone (EVERYONE) mumbles.
The kids I teach are definitely mumbling more than they used to. I did get worried about hearing loss, but the audiologist said I only have a little in the low frequencies. They ARE mumbling. Even on TV, to understand the dialogue I have to turn on the subtitles. Funny how with older shows it's not necessary.
My family when my mom was diagnosed with a hereditary, incurable, no survival rate over 4 years cancer. We all thought she’d be the one to beat it, she was gone within a year at 55yo. No amount of good diet, exercise, education can beat bad genes and life’s unfairness. The facts were there, it was still like a freight train hit us.
When a family members catches a life threatening disease, spend as much time as you can. Create memories. That is all you can do for now.
My elderly friend who has fallen 4 times already breaking 2 ribs once, a wrist once, and bruised up the other times. He still refuses to use a cane out of some male pride thing. He can’t understand that we all age, and if he keeps falling he will end up with a broken hip and bedridden and miserable.
My older sister (39), having 4 kids, living in my parents house without paying rent since she got pregnant the first time with 17, her oldest was practically raised by my parents. Recieving much financial and emotional support through the years by our parents.
She is saying she never recieves any help by our parents, that she doesn't feel welcome at home anymore and that our younger sister and I are favored.
A former friend of mine comes to mind. She lives with her husband, 3 kids and mother. The total household income is only 2 grand a month. Rent is 1500. They are 3 months behind on rent. She says it's ok they won't get evicted....oh and the reason for being so far behind is they bought a second car even though they absolutely cannot afford and definitely don't need it. Glamor photos at 600 a pop for her. Getting nails and hair dyed at the salon once a month. She has no idea how screwed they all are. I feel so bad for the kids
Sounds a lot like my mil. Funny, but after my husband took control of their money, they had enough to pay all the bills, AND buy food every month. And she still got her hair and nails done!
My dismissive avoidant mom was a master of denial. The worst was when she got an abscess in her pelvic area. She was in 10/10 pain, couldn't sit up, was literally white knuckling a body pillow while laying on the couch unable to move for A WEEK and when I (age 10) would suggest she go to a doctor it was all "Oh no no I'm totally fine! I don't need to see a doctor."
This woman literally scheduled an appointment with a specialist and WAITED THE 10ish DAYS for the appointment instead of going to urgent care. She drove herself there in 10/10 pain. The doctor took one look at her and told her to put on a gown and meet her downstairs for immediate surgery. They drained so much yuck from her and she had to have the gauze packing to heal the crater left behind etc. It's a miracle she didn't get sepsis.
Bonus story: she suddenly became allergic to ibuprofen in her 40s and turned beet red after taking some. Instead of going to the doctor she went to her hair appointment like normal. Hairdresser refused to cut her hair and made her to go the doctor. My mom just went home instead and laid on the couch huffing and puffing until the reaction went away. She told me this story like it was a totally sane and normal thing to do.
I'm kinda the same but my thoughts are there's ppl needing a gp appointment more then Me but my therapist says it coz I have no self empathy and tons of it for others
My mother and father divorced 26 years ago. It was a toxic marriage and probably for the best that they part ways.
Since then she has been remarried and is happy with her new husband. We all get along and my parents get along for the sake of visits and being around grandkids.
To this day my father wants to get back together with my mother. I don’t blame him there if he still loves her but the denial part is he thinks he did nothing wrong in the marriage. He is under the impression that he was the perfect husband and he is doing her a “favor” by taking her back if she did come back. The reality is he did not treat her well, she left and is now with someone who makes her happy.
Nurse who thought the lump in her breast was nothing important and the open sore appearing was also nothing important and once it started draining thought it was nothing important despite dressing it daily. Was confronted by coworkers after the smell became so rank it lingered where she went. Stage IV cancer with mets to bones and brain. Died soon after.
She was the manager of the oncology unit.
*Editing to add - because I must not have been clear and a lot of people see this as an autonomous choice:*
*This was a case of ‘living in denial’. Once confronted about her odor she admitted to the sore but still thought it was nothing. Agreed to go to the ED with colleague/friend but only to reassure them. Oncologist consulted in the ED and she lost it when cancer mentioned. Insisted on everything done to treat despite no hope. Died within the month. Never left hospital from time confronted about odor.*
Many of these do not deserve such harsh judgement. They are very sad. As someone who has cancer, I can tell you it is TERRIFYING. I DREAD every doctor appointment. I am an emotional basket case for every test. I have to strongly resist the urge to ignore things and put my head in the sand, because I just don’t want to hear the truth. I don’t ignore things because I have a family that needs me here as long as possible. It is stupid, and counter intuitive, and a death sentence, but I absolutely understand why some people handle it like that.
I know a guy who tested positive for HIV about 11 years ago. He pretended it didn't happen and did nothing about it. Today he is dying of AIDS. He's not even 40. So sad.
Don't care much about the guy's fate, tbh. I am much more concerned about the people he could've (and probably had) infected over the course of 11 years.
Friends mom constantly let's her 15 year old son chug massive amounts of soda, stay up until 3am on school nights playing video games, and shrug off homework assignments. He's getting straight D's and is overweight for his age but the mom refuses to do anything about it because she's a "good mother" in her words and her older child(my friend) is ungrateful. My friend got out when he was 17 because of his mothers massive narcissism and control freak tendencies towards every aspect of his life.
an ex friends mom was like this always let them eat what they wanted and bought them whatever candy and chocolate they wanted and just let them do whatever they wanted now as an adult they are quite overweight and very narcissistic from all the years of their mom letting them do what they wanted and expects everyone to do the same now they are an adult its part of the reason they are an ex friend
Unfortunately my grandfather. Both 96, grandmother has severe dementia, can’t get out of a wheelchair, in constant agony and barely knows who anyone is. Just sits there occasionally coming out with a memory from her life irrelevant to current conversation but at least she’s not angry or that type of cognitive decline. Grandpa is nearly blind, legs barely work, but his mind is sharp as a tack. He was an army man, and he CANNOT accept reality or the situation at hand. He refuses help beyond a carer coming in a couple times a week.
My grandma will wet herself because he can’t help her the toilet, he almost burned the house down the other day if it weren’t for my mom happening by to see them and rescue the house from the flames from his attempt at cooking. He can’t even think of his poor wife because he himself is bad enough, it’s almost abuse by neglect. We don’t know what to do. We want him to get a live in carer, but he goes off on one and cries and manipulates his children into getting his way. He would die before going into a home, and at this rate he’s going to kill them both accidentally but really what can you do when someone is so stubborn. It’s got to be hell to experience, but his sheer refusal to look reality in the face is heartbreaking to watch. I feel like the grandparents I loved died long ago, I’m just watching the echo of their lives playing out in tragedy.
If I ever get like that just take me outside, face me at the sunrise and put a bullet in the back of my head, nobody deserves to die with such little dignity.
Time for a competency hearing and guardianship proceedings through the court system. Grandma can't speak for herself and deserves better, even if he's stubborn and refuses help.
My mother (now deceased) refused to wear glasses because she hated how they looked on her. Instead, she insisted her eyesight was "not that bad" and the fact we had to read menus to her at restaurants was just a cute quirk.
A girl I went to school with, we where on friendly terms many years after school, never got a job and still lives on govermental pay. She first got one child, moved from place to place because she got evicted due to lack of rent. Blew of all her money on c**p the moment she got them. CPS placed the child in permanent foster care. And she repeated the same with two other children. She is now 40, none of her 3 children have any relationship to her, she still get evicted all the time, still blows her money on c**p. And still thinks she is fine, she is a good mother and all her issues is everyone elses fault. All in all very sad.
My mother had my brother, then me, during her marriage to my father. Both cheated, they divorced. We hindered her partying lifestyle, so she locked us in a gas station bathroom and drove away. This was in 1959. My father remarried to a woman who detested kids; he chose her and we were adopted by his parents. Our mother went on to have another 4 girls: 1 shaken and taken away, 1 given up at birth, 1 given up at one day old. The next two, girl and boy, were full siblings of that child, but for some reason she kept them into their preteens and then delivered them to an orphanage. She was never held accountable for any of her choices. I've since located all 6 of my siblings, and it took 40 years. I also found our mother, who was delighted to be contacted and proclaimed that she was the most blessed person ever. She pretended to have no other children, lived in a hovel but acted like it was a mansion (it was a tiny Airstream trailer), and passed from alcoholism, heart attack and simultaneous stroke at age 58. Worst denial I've ever seen. I've never had therapy but definitely need it.
My father is totally against universal health care. Part of his reason is the potential "wait times" to get procedures done. He needs to get cortisone shots in his neck. Even with insurance he can't afford the shots regularly. So he has to wait like six months at a time to save up money for his shots.
Yeah, I don't understand why some see universal health care as socialist but not public 'anything else' (libraries - could you imagine trying to those passed these days; public education etc)
my dad having married a man and then turning around to beat my a*s because i said i was bi.
My mom is now 63 years old and has been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis since she was in her early 30's. Had 4 children after 30 and declined every pregnancy. She denied she had any diagnosis and went to every chiropractor, Chinese healer, therapist and naturopath in the area. Even tried acupuncture and magnets. She spent over 100,000$ trying to cure her chronic pain that Healthcare in my country would have done for free.
She spent the last 4 years after I moved out at 18 basically only going from her chair to the bathroom, didn't even sleep in her bedroom anymore because she was in too much pain. Her feet were swollen and fingers are all crooked due to the arthritis, eventually developed bed sores due to not moving from her chair, we had to basically carry her to the bathroom, when she stood up she bled so bad from her wounds it sounded like a dam rushing free. I'll never forget stooping my little brother from cleaning her blood up off the floor and telling him to go to his room seeing the despair in his face.
But she absolutely refused to admit anything was wrong, she was convinced she just had to find that magic cure. She eventually got so bad I was convinced she was going to die any day now so my brothers and I convinced her to go to the hospital, she accepted and said she'd go the end of the week. She declined so badly that day I had to call an ambulance because she couldn't get off the toilet and was bleeding so bad. I'll never forget cleaning the blood up and helping her change her clothes into her favourite dress because she didn't want to look bad in front of the paramedics.
The hospital diagnosed her once again with arthritis, but also severe iron deficiency, 2 wounds that were 10cm deep, ptsd, and a bacterial infection that could have killed her. She would have died within a week if she hadn't gone. She spent 6 months in the hospital, 4 of them couldn't feed herself so I would go everyday to give her dinner, she was moved to a care home and is still unable to walk but can feed herself now. She still won't admit out loud that she has arthritis, but is much happier and loves living where she is.
My mom refusing to say the word “cancer” when I have stage 4 cancer and am in a clinical trial at Sloan Kettering. “You didn’t have cancer!” Aint more cancer than that.
My friend has been “talking to” this man for 4 and a half years. They’ve hung out maybe 5 times and they usually just hookup and he leaves. He only texts her at certain hours of the day “because of his work schedule”. He never plans dates for them or when she does try to plan dates HE bails. I constantly ask her why she keeps talking to him and if she really believes they could be something more than once in a while (if even that) fuvk buddies and she said she just really likes him and wants to be with him. I wholeheartedly believe he has a whole wife and kids.
Close friend with an opiate addiction and her husband who thought she needed morphine infusions for a variety of magically appearing painful ailments.
Her husband either has a fundamental misunderstanding of medicine & healthcare or he’s absolutely “god bless him” naive or completely in denial. Regardless, it’s enabling. - this epidemic was caused by the mislead medical community & not one person is immune to the addictive nature & brain chemistry reorganization that it causes. Still, these poor souls are so stigmatized. Drug addiction is a medical condition much more & before it’s criminal behavior and rarely, if ever, is it a choice or about bad choices.
My sister's daughter is 18, has a very strick diet of "yellow or brown foods" her words. She doesn't eat vegetables, or fruit. Only chicken nuggets, hamburgers, or fries. She never talks to people, goes ape s**t if someone talks too loud, gets overwhelmed easy, and cries if anything changes in her home is totally not autistic. Sister refuses to believe she's autistic in the slightest.
Edit: when I say she doesn't eat vegetables or fruit I mean that. She has never once in her life eaten anything green. We went out to dinner with her and my sister once. The restaurant had a bucket of peanuts as an appetizer while you wait for your food. She ate a peanut and my sister was in total disbelief because she never tries new food. My sister has tried to get her to try other foods but she breaks down screaming and crying. My sister is an amazing cook and a professional baker, any food she makes is amazing. She always has to make dinner and a separate meal for her daughter. Everyone else can eat steak, grilled asparagus, and mashed potatoes while her daughter comes out of her room to get some box macaroni and cheese and goes to eat in her room alone because if anyone talks too loud during dinner she gets upset.
She might want to see a psychiatrist. This sounds like a serious issue that could use a diagnosis.
I have a cousin (still a kid) that is obviously gay. Everyone knows it. Nobody cares...except his Grandma. She's the super religious type. She keeps trying to find him girlfriends. This poor kid is like 12 years old. Her ignorance is going to cause him issues in a couple years and she won't listen to reason. She thinks everyone is wrong but her.
Had a friend who never held a job, their parents paid for their cars, for 6 years of college plus an apartment in a very expensive city for 3 of those years They also built a artist studio for them. They were convinced that their family wasn't wealthy.
Had a friend planning weekends away and activities when they were 9 months pregnant and about to drop. Think they were just scared and trying not to think about it
My aunt who despises anything government but is on social security. Had the audacity to tell me that government shouldn't not gets itself involved with social security because they will end up f**king things up.
If she is getting her social security from what she put in from working she is not living off the government. If she’s getting SS disability, that’s another story. But she’s right, the government is doing a terrible job at managing SS
probably my bf’s mother. they live in squalor, have totally ruined their house by neglecting all responsibilities for 20+ years, won’t allow anyone into it because it’s so dirty. the property is full of junked cars, poison ivy and stray trash
she brags about their great house, how much money they have (so then pay your personal property taxes which are overdue 5 years?) which won’t happen because they eat out for every meal since the kitchen is out of order. she’s an alcoholic and completely dependent on weed
My sister wanting to dress up as a backwoods hillbilly for Halloween. Her costume idea was a fake pregnant belly, can of bud light, cigarette hanging from her mouth, and a black eye.
It would have been a funny (albeit slightly offensive) costume had it not been for the fact that she had just finished her pregnancy that she smoked and drank through in its entirety while also on Suboxone.
Thank god her baby was born without any major complications, other than going through withdrawals from the Suboxone.
Sounds as though OP might have some of their own denial issues - neonatal opioid withdrawal syndrome in newborns isn't an 'only', that's a really rough start in life and damage from smoking and drinking during pregnancy might not be evident until later.
Idk but immediately above this on my feed was a screenshot from Grinder where someone said "honestly have no interest in men. Sex is just sex to me."
This article hit me quite hard, especially the "health issues denial" stories. I have a similar situation with my father (not life threatening, but the quality of life is badly compromised at only 72 yo - declining eyesight and he can't walk anymore), and I wonder what we could have done differently, as a family, to convince him to be treated sooner: he would not listen to anybody.
I have similar issues with my mum, who is about the same age. She was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in her hip 8 or 9 years ago. As it progressed, she always claimed it was due to something else, such as medication she was taking for an unrelated issue. The thing that made her fianlly see an osteopathic surgeon and book a double hip replacement was strange...she was saying how stupid her sister-in-law was for not getting a covid vaccinaton, getting covid and ending up in hospital. My sister pointed out that my mum was doing the same thing, and that little comment kicked mum into action. She's having the operation next month, although there is a chance her bones are too far gone and it won't be successful. If your dad is anything like my mum, then I'm sure your family did absolutely everything and I doubt there was anything different you could have done. Unfotunately, sometimes people just won't be helped.
Load More Replies... This is a generalisation, but... people with animals who are past it. By which I mean, are elderly and living with long-term issues significantly affecting their quality of life. I'm very much of the quality > quantity viewpoint and I see a pain-free, peaceful death without suffering as the last gift you can give your beloved companion. 14 months ago we made the decision to have my pony of 19 years (since I was a suicidal 14yo, and she kept me alive for years) PTS at 29yo. She was still doing good, but her health issues had just started spiraling and winter was coming, and her quality of life would have plummeted shortly. Her passing was literally perfect - she had some food and fuss (not so much it threw out her normal routine and worried her) and she was calm and content. Both me and my mum were with her and we kept ourselves contained until she had passed, which she did incredibly peacefully in her field. We could have upped her meds and kept her going... But we gave her that gift.
You are a decent person Jeevessss. It's the last and kindest thing we do for our animals.
Load More Replies... my bio mom once got drunk and shaved half of my brothers left eyebrow off. we had to pencil it in until the hairs grew back. she denied it over and over and would get mad any time we brought it up. even though she could clearly see he was missing an eyebrow and we definitely didnt do it.
My mother wasn’t in denial about my father’s dementia, but she insisted she could take care of him without any professional help. It wasn’t until the third time he fell in the bathroom within a week, and she had to call the squad because she couldn’t get him up by herself, that she finally was willing to consider putting him in a nursing home. (The nursing home staff HATED her, because she visited him literally every single day, and wasn’t afraid to speak up about poor conditions and treatment there, not just for my father but any resident she noticed not being properly cared for.)
There’s this theory, the piramide of choice, that illustrates how people who agreed at some point, make different decisions and slowly disagree more and more - a result of cognitive disassociation and self-justification. Read up: ‘mistakes were made (but not by me)’ by Tavris and Aronson
This article hit me quite hard, especially the "health issues denial" stories. I have a similar situation with my father (not life threatening, but the quality of life is badly compromised at only 72 yo - declining eyesight and he can't walk anymore), and I wonder what we could have done differently, as a family, to convince him to be treated sooner: he would not listen to anybody.
I have similar issues with my mum, who is about the same age. She was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in her hip 8 or 9 years ago. As it progressed, she always claimed it was due to something else, such as medication she was taking for an unrelated issue. The thing that made her fianlly see an osteopathic surgeon and book a double hip replacement was strange...she was saying how stupid her sister-in-law was for not getting a covid vaccinaton, getting covid and ending up in hospital. My sister pointed out that my mum was doing the same thing, and that little comment kicked mum into action. She's having the operation next month, although there is a chance her bones are too far gone and it won't be successful. If your dad is anything like my mum, then I'm sure your family did absolutely everything and I doubt there was anything different you could have done. Unfotunately, sometimes people just won't be helped.
Load More Replies... This is a generalisation, but... people with animals who are past it. By which I mean, are elderly and living with long-term issues significantly affecting their quality of life. I'm very much of the quality > quantity viewpoint and I see a pain-free, peaceful death without suffering as the last gift you can give your beloved companion. 14 months ago we made the decision to have my pony of 19 years (since I was a suicidal 14yo, and she kept me alive for years) PTS at 29yo. She was still doing good, but her health issues had just started spiraling and winter was coming, and her quality of life would have plummeted shortly. Her passing was literally perfect - she had some food and fuss (not so much it threw out her normal routine and worried her) and she was calm and content. Both me and my mum were with her and we kept ourselves contained until she had passed, which she did incredibly peacefully in her field. We could have upped her meds and kept her going... But we gave her that gift.
You are a decent person Jeevessss. It's the last and kindest thing we do for our animals.
Load More Replies... my bio mom once got drunk and shaved half of my brothers left eyebrow off. we had to pencil it in until the hairs grew back. she denied it over and over and would get mad any time we brought it up. even though she could clearly see he was missing an eyebrow and we definitely didnt do it.
My mother wasn’t in denial about my father’s dementia, but she insisted she could take care of him without any professional help. It wasn’t until the third time he fell in the bathroom within a week, and she had to call the squad because she couldn’t get him up by herself, that she finally was willing to consider putting him in a nursing home. (The nursing home staff HATED her, because she visited him literally every single day, and wasn’t afraid to speak up about poor conditions and treatment there, not just for my father but any resident she noticed not being properly cared for.)
There’s this theory, the piramide of choice, that illustrates how people who agreed at some point, make different decisions and slowly disagree more and more - a result of cognitive disassociation and self-justification. Read up: ‘mistakes were made (but not by me)’ by Tavris and Aronson
