“Am I The Jerk For Changing Our Server’s Tip From $154 To $4?”
Interview With Author
There are many different ways to be charitable. You can volunteer your time and energy. You can promote a cause near and dear to your heart. Or you can use your hard-earned money to pleasantly surprise a stranger. For instance, if they were a particularly good server.
Redditor u/OttoBonz recently turned to the r/AITAH for their verdict after a spot of drama at a local restaurant. The OP revealed how she’d initially left a massive tip for the woman who’d been waiting on her table. However, after a slight hiccup, she slashed the tip to just a few dollars. Read on for the full story, as well as what the internet had to say.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the story, redditor u/OttoBonz, and she was kind enough to answer our questions about leaving big tips and being charitable. She was open about the fact that both she and the server could have probably handled the situation better. You’ll find our interview with the OP as you read on.
Customers are generally happy to reward servers who give them a pleasant dining experience
Image credits: imagesourcecurated / Envato (not the actual photo)
One woman revealed that she changed her server’s tip after her last-minute behavior
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: OttoBonz
“I feel the server and I both probably could have handled the situation better”
Bored Panda was curious about when the OP and her husband first started giving big tips to servers who deserved to be recognized for their hard work.
“We started doing this within the last year, maybe six-ish months ago,” the author, u/OttoBonz, shared.
“We usually don’t stick around to see their reaction. It’s not about us, despite what others say,” the redditor explained to us.
“We’ve been blessed and want to share that blessing.”
We wanted to get the author’s personal opinion on the signs of a good server. “I think a good server is attentive and anticipates needs,” she said and added that someone would know to refill a drink before it’s empty.
“But more than that, is kind and easy to talk to/connect with. That’s what I really like when we go out to eat,” redditor u/OttoBonz told us.
The author also opened up about how everyone can be charitable in their daily lives if they don’t know where to start. “I’m sure I’ll catch a lot of flack for this one, but we’re Christian. We’ve been blessed in our lives and feel it’s important to share that blessing with those around us,” she shared.
“I’d say to figure out what’s important to you and either pray or manifest, or whatever you do in your personal practice, to see how you can help those around you,” the OP said.
“I feel the server and I both probably could have handled the situation better. A lot of good points were pointed out to me from this post. Some kindly, others not so kindly. But I did learn some things, and I will not react the same way if this were to happen again.”
Tipping customs vary widely from country to country and area to area
The attitudes toward tipping are going to vary quite a bit depending on what part of the world you live in. It’s not just the quality of the service and the food that you have to take into account.
For example, tips are very uncommon in Japan but practically mandatory in many parts of the United States. Forgetting to tip or not tipping generously is likely to get you a ton of odd looks. That’s why it’s so important to research local customs before taking a trip somewhere.
As BBC Travel points out, tipping is “ingrained in the national psyche” and Americans take it very seriously. Broadly speaking, it’s now customary to add 20% to 25% on top of a bill because so-called ‘tipflation’ has kicked in.
Some people are starting to feel that it’s becoming unsustainably expensive to eat out because you’re shelling out far more cash than you’d ever see on the menu.
Meanwhile, many servers feel entitled to larger and larger tips, even for average or substandard service. However, many of them depend on this to make ends meet because their base hourly wage is so low. This varies from state to state.
It’s a complex problem. The country’s cultural attitudes and laws won’t change overnight. However, if all servers were to suddenly earn a fair minimum wage, it might shift the US perspective on tips.
Good service should be encouraged no matter what the actual tips look like
They could become mainly a way to show one’s appreciation for above-average service. Large tips would then have an even bigger impact because they’d very clearly state that the entire experience at the restaurant was stellar.
This way, there’s a clear incentive to go beyond the call of duty. On the flip side, someone who knows they’ll get tipped some amount no matter what happens might not feel driven to improve as quickly. Arguably, forced tipping is going to negatively impact the customer experience.
At the end of the day, if a server is particularly rude, it’s up to the customer what their tip will look like. If it’s been a genuinely awful experience, a generous tip would only send the wrong message. Why would you reward someone who ruined your night?
However, in those extreme cases, it might be best to talk to the restaurant manager about what happened. It’s best to stay calm and not sound too accusatory. Simply explain the situation and that you expect to be treated with basic respect. Clear up the misunderstanding: there’s always the possibility that you interpreted the situation wrong.
You also shouldn’t expect ‘perfect’ service every single time you go out to eat. Servers are people, too: they get tired and they make silly mistakes from time to time. Not to mention that some servers are still learning the ropes. Nobody should be using the threat of low tips to punish occasional slip-ups if there’s no ill intent behind the behavior. Generosity and charity should not come with preattached conditions.
But what do you think, dear Pandas? What would you have done in this situation? How do you approach tipping? Do you only ever tip when the service is above average or do you always leave something for the staff? What’s the biggest tip you’ve ever left? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
Some readers thought that the author did nothing wrong. Here are their thoughts
However, other internet users had a different take on things and were more critical of the woman
Meanwhile, others thought that pretty much everyone messed up that night
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If I'm paying cash like that I would always make sure that a server is aware of the fact, has seen me put the money down, or I would physically take it to a payment desk or equivalent. Getting annoyed by the server who hadn't seen them is unwarranted - they're just doing their job, and whether they could see the table or not you've put them in an awkward position by just not engaging brain before action. YTA
I'm blaming the restaurant as much as everyone involved. The waitress more than likely made a bit of a scene, at least for anyone in earshot, embarrassing the guests. The OP made a bigger scene trying to "teach a lesson". And the restaurant is allowing an old fashioned policy that unfortunately doesn't work these days, especially if they are having issues with dine-and-dashers. Set up a booth at the entrance for payments if there is an issue with this.
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The restaurants punish the servers??! Good ol' USA. Let's kick the hard workers when they're already down. Smh.
They legally can’t do that, but since most people aren’t educated with employment law they get taken advantage of
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The first thing that came to my mind after reading this: Tipping culture sucks in the US
In this case, the OP was giving a donation on top of the tip, which is related to US tipping culture (in that the OP is making that donation because of sympathy about how tipping culture affects servers) but so totally optional that I don’t feel sorry for the OP. Especially since as someone who has visited the US, I know for a fact that the OP could have just handed the money to their server and averted this whole drama.
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If I'm paying cash like that I would always make sure that a server is aware of the fact, has seen me put the money down, or I would physically take it to a payment desk or equivalent. Getting annoyed by the server who hadn't seen them is unwarranted - they're just doing their job, and whether they could see the table or not you've put them in an awkward position by just not engaging brain before action. YTA
I'm blaming the restaurant as much as everyone involved. The waitress more than likely made a bit of a scene, at least for anyone in earshot, embarrassing the guests. The OP made a bigger scene trying to "teach a lesson". And the restaurant is allowing an old fashioned policy that unfortunately doesn't work these days, especially if they are having issues with dine-and-dashers. Set up a booth at the entrance for payments if there is an issue with this.
Load More Replies... The restaurants punish the servers??! Good ol' USA. Let's kick the hard workers when they're already down. Smh.
They legally can’t do that, but since most people aren’t educated with employment law they get taken advantage of
Load More Replies... The first thing that came to my mind after reading this: Tipping culture sucks in the US
In this case, the OP was giving a donation on top of the tip, which is related to US tipping culture (in that the OP is making that donation because of sympathy about how tipping culture affects servers) but so totally optional that I don’t feel sorry for the OP. Especially since as someone who has visited the US, I know for a fact that the OP could have just handed the money to their server and averted this whole drama.
Load More Replies...
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