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“She Was Ugly Crying”: Woman Wants To Get Her $4,500 Wedding Gift Back After Friend’s Breakup
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“She Was Ugly Crying”: Woman Wants To Get Her $4,500 Wedding Gift Back After Friend’s Breakup

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While it can be the right decision, there is nothing fun or exciting about canceling a wedding. You have to call a whole bunch of people and deal with monetary losses, all while trying to process a huge change that’s happening in your life. It’s tough, to say the least.

And while for the guests, this ordeal is much less heart-wrenching or stressful, it still can be quite confusing. What do you do about the travel tickets you purchased? What about the hotel? The clothes? The gifts? It all needs sorting, too.

In this story, a close friend of the bride was not sure how to tread the line of being both supportive and pragmatic. Is there a way to get an expensive gift back without causing extra pain? Scroll down to see what conclusion she came to.

When your friend is going through a tough time, the last thing you want to do is burden them with your concerns

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

However, sometimes it might seem like it’s unavoidable. This is exactly what happened to the woman in the following story

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Image credits: hermanmiller.com (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ElevenRecompense

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Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

Expecting to get one’s gift back is reasonable

According to common wedding etiquette, if the wedding is canceled, one should return the gifts they’ve received. In the most ideal scenario, you might be able to return all items to the store you registered at and issue the guests their refunds accordingly. If that’s impossible, you might need to send them all back by mail.

You might even need to put on a brave face and call your guests up asking for the best way to handle the return. Many will be very graceful and understanding about it.

When talking to Huffpost, Lizzie Post, great-great granddaughter of late etiquette icon Emily Post, emphasized that trying to keep what you’ve been gifted as sympathy gifts is in bad taste. “No matter what, you’re returning this thing.”

Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual photo)

Limiting the gift budget might help avoid such situations in the future

The thing that complicates this specific situation is the amount of money the friend spent on the gift. The fact that she would like to get it back indicates that maybe it was too big of a splurge.

Experts recommend refraining from such big sums when buying a gift for the couple. While there, theoretically, are no maximums or minimums, they suggest the following:

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  • 50–75 dollars for a distant relative or friend
  • 75–100 dollars for close friends and relatives
  • 100–150 dollars for family (or if you are in the wedding party)

Still, if you wish to be as generous at the author of this story, probably no one will argue with you. However, you’ll have to accept that you might get into a similar situation if things don’t go as planned.

Many had mixed feelings about the situation, understanding the pros and cons of taking back the gift

Others insisted that returning gifts from the registry is a common practice when weddings get canceled

Some, however, felt that insisting on getting the gift back might be a bit too much for the bride at the moment

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davidmcoull avatar
Herringbone
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let her keep the chair: you think enough of her to give it to her, and she may find much comfort in having it. I own two toby jugs which were given to my grandfather's parents for their wedding in 1879. One of the spouses died a few years later (I don't know which, and it was after 1884), and the donors asked for them back. They were told where to go.

e-robot01010 avatar
Funhog
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. That's harsh to ask for a gift back because one of the spouses died. 😳

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cali-tabby-katz avatar
LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cripes. I can't judge this situation, but I'd sure like to have $4,500 hanging around such that I could buy my friends stuff. (Though, $4,500 for a chair that looks like THAT? It better be comfortable!)

micheldurinx avatar
Marcellus II
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a famous design classic, it is comfortable indeed. And on the returning --- it seems to me if it were a gift to the couple obviously they should return it without being asked; but it seems here a gift to her friend so she should let her keep it.

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jdtimid123 avatar
jdtimid123
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, I think in the update she made the right call. The gift was clearly geared towards the would-be wife and not the actual couple. She'll probably get married again eventually, just consider this a future gift (or a "life sucks, hope this makes you feel better" gift) and when a new marriage comes up give her something smaller.

nijland-lydia avatar
Kobe (she)
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could even imagine that the bride may need money to pay for expenses made. Calling of a wedding does not mean the couple gets all the money back they invested. And since you seem to have the well-being of your friend in mind for giving her this gift in the first place, I would let her keep it. And let her do with it whatever she wants or needs to...

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davidmcoull avatar
Herringbone
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let her keep the chair: you think enough of her to give it to her, and she may find much comfort in having it. I own two toby jugs which were given to my grandfather's parents for their wedding in 1879. One of the spouses died a few years later (I don't know which, and it was after 1884), and the donors asked for them back. They were told where to go.

e-robot01010 avatar
Funhog
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. That's harsh to ask for a gift back because one of the spouses died. 😳

Load More Replies...
cali-tabby-katz avatar
LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cripes. I can't judge this situation, but I'd sure like to have $4,500 hanging around such that I could buy my friends stuff. (Though, $4,500 for a chair that looks like THAT? It better be comfortable!)

micheldurinx avatar
Marcellus II
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a famous design classic, it is comfortable indeed. And on the returning --- it seems to me if it were a gift to the couple obviously they should return it without being asked; but it seems here a gift to her friend so she should let her keep it.

Load More Replies...
jdtimid123 avatar
jdtimid123
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, I think in the update she made the right call. The gift was clearly geared towards the would-be wife and not the actual couple. She'll probably get married again eventually, just consider this a future gift (or a "life sucks, hope this makes you feel better" gift) and when a new marriage comes up give her something smaller.

nijland-lydia avatar
Kobe (she)
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could even imagine that the bride may need money to pay for expenses made. Calling of a wedding does not mean the couple gets all the money back they invested. And since you seem to have the well-being of your friend in mind for giving her this gift in the first place, I would let her keep it. And let her do with it whatever she wants or needs to...

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