Tensions Run High As Family Is Accused Of Being “Cheap” For Refusing To Fund $37k Dinner
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Weddings are supposed to be this happy, exuberant time for a couple, their friends and families to explore their love for each other. However, some families have very specific ideas of what a wedding should look like and, inevitably, what it should cost.
A woman detailed the extensive family drama that erupted when her in-laws began to demand a particularly expensive rehearsal dinner and luxury hotel. Readers did their best to give some suggestions and called out the entitled demands. We got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to answer some questions.
Some people want a big, lavish wedding
Image credits: Agung Pandit Wiguna / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman’s brother was planning to marry into a family that wanted to spend five figures
Image credits: Eduardo Barrientos / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Terje Sollie / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: complete_doodle
Many were shocked by the price of the proposed dinner
Bored Panda got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to answer some questions. Firstly, we wanted to hear her reaction to the internet’s support. “I think that this post was relatable for a lot of people – many of us have been on the receiving end of unreasonable demands from others in the past. I also think that people were surprised to hear that the bride’s parents are being so pushy (I think typically, it’s the groom’s parents who are more likely to cause issues while wedding planning). Also, the idea of a $37K rehearsal dinner is absurd for most people! It’s not often that you hear about people demanding such extravagance.”
We were also curious to hear her opinion on why some folks insisted on such an expensive wedding. “I think that for a lot of people (and especially women), their wedding is something they look forward to for their entire life. I know lots of women my age (23) who grew up making Pinterest boards for their future wedding, starting when they were as young as 8 or 9. This can lead to some lofty expectations once you do get engaged. In this case, the bride is also the first one of her siblings to get married – so her parents probably have a lot of expectations for her day to be perfect, as well. Unfortunately, I think many people forget what the day is supposed to be about in the first place – the couples’ love, and their family coming together.”
Based on a survey conducted by the Knot, the average wedding in the US cost a staggering $35,000. Even more surprisingly, this is roughly a $5000 increase from 2022, cementing the fact that people who want big weddings will get them, cost be damned. It’s important to note that this, already significant, price covers the entire thing.
The average, total, cost per guest was $304, which would mean that the proposed wedding would be spending half of that alone on just catering. It’s important to note that both this price and the aforementioned one are averages from a list that even includes destination weddings from as far abroad as Italy.
The in-laws in this story are interested in paying five figures for just the rehearsal dinner. One shudders to think about the total cost of the whole wedding by the end, if these are the standards they are interested in. To be fair, if someone wants a massive, fairytale wedding, fair enough, to each their own.
Image credits: Tae Fuller / pexels (not the actual photo)
Feeling like another family should pay for your dream is peak entitlement
The real issue is when they start making demands for money from people who either don’t have it or would prefer to not spend that much on what boils down to some food, a party and a hotel stay. Indeed, the vast majority of people would balk at spending $30,000 for the whole wedding, let alone just one part, so calling the family “cheap” is bizarre and deeply entitled. Lets face it, it’s often enough the behavior of the guests, not the wedding that makes or breaks the whole thing.
Indeed, it’s surprising that the woman telling the story even had to turn to the internet for a second opinion. This is a huge amount of money, not something to just be thrown away lightly. While it’s not that weird that a particularly wealthy family would not understand that other people don’t have as much income, calling them cheap when they literally can’t afford it is ludicrous.
Unfortunately, many people have to deal with entitled in-laws. Normally, rude, horrible or just entitled people can be avoided, but a marriage means that, at least briefly, one has to come into contact with folks that it would be best to avoid like the plague. This means dealing with the sort of behavior that one might find unthinkable in day to day life.
Image credits: energepic / pexels (not the actual photo)
How the couple feels will make or break their marriage
All in all, this is pretty questionable behavior and it’s unfortunate that we do not have a source closer to the bride and groom. While in-laws can be a lot more entitled than the literal happy couple, the groom’s family is simply going to be poorer than the brides. This family needs to understand that and work out how they will cover costs in the future.
The actual crux in this marriage will be how the couple handle this sort of situation. The in-laws can make demands, but if the bride sides with the groom’s perspective then tough luck to them. On the other hand, it’s pretty easy to see exactly how this can become a significant pitfall for this marriage.
Image credits: Arthur Ogleznev / pexels (not the actual photo)
Readers were shocked and wanted to know some more details
Others called out the in-laws for being spectacularly entitled
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So am I. And its a full rehearsal too. Shouldn't it be for a few people only?
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You think it will last that long? I give it a year.
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I checked it on Reddit and she still hasn't spoken to her brother, so, for now, it looks like her parents are going to go into debt... 😳 Bloody insane! If her parents want this, they should pay for it, imo - his parents are also shelling out $7000 on top of the $10,000 they've demanded for the rehearsal dinner.
That's crazy! Those parents need to grow a set and say no.
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Anyone spending 37 grand on a dinner is well of out his damn mind! On a side note: I find it utterly bizarre that parents would spend thousands on a wedding of their offspring.
Rehearsal dinner? FFS just get on with it. I'm so glad we don't have that sort of rubbish in the UK
Oh, we do, A complete waste of time, money and stress if you ask me. Best thing to do is not mention the "W" word, as soon as venues, Caterers and other third party services hear that its like "Automatic + 200% to the bill"
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They want them to pay more than I earn in a year for a rehearsal dinner, a PRACTICE not even the real thing, more than I earn a year to practice eating dinner, stop the world I want to get off please I've had enough now
45 people for a rehearsal dinner? Are they having 20 attendants? Because the attendants, their partners and the bride and groom’s immediate family attend the rehearsal dinner, not half the wedding guests. Anyway, they need to stop dealing with the bride’s parents and sit down with the bride and groom. Tell them that hosting the rehearsal dinner isn’t something they are comfortable with so here’s is the amount of money they are gifting the couple (probably $7000, same as they gave their daughter) and they are free to use it as they please.
Huh, when I got married the rehearsal dinner was for the immediate family and wedding party. Mine was in the community room at my condo complex. Dinner was spaghetti, salad and garlic bread my soon-to-be MIL fixed with help from her sister. We must have done something right, been 31 years.
I didn't even know that parents still paid for weddings. It's definitely not customary anymore where I am.
What they should have said: Haha are you insane? The money doesn't grow on my back. 1 meal it will be for a small group at the wedding and the rest get some bitter balls, but we have nothing to do with it, since we're not the ones marrying. And then: Son! Yes mom? Run!!!!!!! These people are crazy!!!
I've been married for 23 years and my husband and I paid for our wedding. We had no rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. We both know there was going to be an aisle and we would walk down it. We both know how to walk so we didn't need to rehearse it. Our wedding was exactly the way we wanted it and there was zero stress. We had kids already and I'm the oldest of my siblings so the kids came on the honeymoon and I started the tradition that we take family honeymoons as in siblings as well. There are six of us and we are all married and have all paid for our own without all that other nonsense. I wouldn't spend $37k on a wedding. That's a down payment on a house alone. I can't imagine the price tag for everything else. And will probably end in divorce regardless because of the clash of socioeconomic diversion.
It appears that the motives of the bride's parents might have been (a) to put the groom's parents firmly in their place from the very beginning and (b) get a start on a wedge between the couple and the groom's parents. Right from the start, the mother of the groom should have said, ""Oh my, there must have been a misunderstanding. We will be making the arrangements for the rehearsal dinner on our own. We will give everybody involved the details one they have been finalized. We hope you and your husband can be there. I'll let you go now since you're going to have to spend a little time calling those people back to cancel."
My entire wedding was under $5,000. That was 2 years ago. Including beautiful dress and two dinners, hair and makeup professionally done. Week in Tahoe, nice accommodations. Designation Tahoe - one after the ceremony, and then we went on the lake boat trip at night. Pizza Hut dinner on Friday night. The entire occasion was awesome!! I can't imagine this marriage is going to work. $37,000 for a dinner!! STFU!!
love how the sisters only got 7k but the brother is seemingly getting a lot more. seems a bit messed up, wonder of he's the "first born, golden boy, child who can do no wrong" because if I was one of the sisters I would be pretty mad about how the parents are groveling at the in laws feet like that
lol. The wedding party typically go to the church or wedding venue and rehearses how the wedding ceremony will go like how the wedding party will process into the church or venue, where people will stand, the order of events of the ceremony, etc. Then afterwards everyone involved goes to dinner. That's why its called a rehearsal dinner. You aren't rehearsing how to eat dinner, you are rehearsing the wedding ceremony. lol.
Load More Replies... The absence of the brother in these shenanigans makes me think the OP's parents should take out insurance on their contribution.
"Very rich Southern family". Mom probably never worked a day in her life, quite possibly none of the women have had a standard 9-to-5. That's why she hasn't a clue what anything costs and why the husband is far more reasonable and mature. This isn't entitlement, this is MOB living in a parallel world. Hopefully OP's brother either earns enough to support his future family or had some honest discussions with his bride about finances...
Errr... disagree about the FOB tho; yes as opposed to her he has the realism he can't squeeze a pint of blood from a rock, so he still squeezes a quarter pint from this rock while calling them "cheap". Sorry, "I don't have to stand here and take your insults; there's a whole line of people that want to insult me" --- you cannot beg me for $10K and call me cheap, choose at most one.
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Don't let your soon to be MIL run roughshod over your family. Why in world would anyone expect them to be TOLD how many people and what type of event to hold. Keep this type of entitlement going and you won't have a family once this marriage implodes.
Are joking or really that stupid? The dinner is after the WEDDING REHEARSAL.
Load More Replies... So am I. And its a full rehearsal too. Shouldn't it be for a few people only?
Load More Replies... You think it will last that long? I give it a year.
Load More Replies... I checked it on Reddit and she still hasn't spoken to her brother, so, for now, it looks like her parents are going to go into debt... 😳 Bloody insane! If her parents want this, they should pay for it, imo - his parents are also shelling out $7000 on top of the $10,000 they've demanded for the rehearsal dinner.
That's crazy! Those parents need to grow a set and say no.
Load More Replies... Anyone spending 37 grand on a dinner is well of out his damn mind! On a side note: I find it utterly bizarre that parents would spend thousands on a wedding of their offspring.
Rehearsal dinner? FFS just get on with it. I'm so glad we don't have that sort of rubbish in the UK
Oh, we do, A complete waste of time, money and stress if you ask me. Best thing to do is not mention the "W" word, as soon as venues, Caterers and other third party services hear that its like "Automatic + 200% to the bill"
Load More Replies... They want them to pay more than I earn in a year for a rehearsal dinner, a PRACTICE not even the real thing, more than I earn a year to practice eating dinner, stop the world I want to get off please I've had enough now
45 people for a rehearsal dinner? Are they having 20 attendants? Because the attendants, their partners and the bride and groom’s immediate family attend the rehearsal dinner, not half the wedding guests. Anyway, they need to stop dealing with the bride’s parents and sit down with the bride and groom. Tell them that hosting the rehearsal dinner isn’t something they are comfortable with so here’s is the amount of money they are gifting the couple (probably $7000, same as they gave their daughter) and they are free to use it as they please.
Huh, when I got married the rehearsal dinner was for the immediate family and wedding party. Mine was in the community room at my condo complex. Dinner was spaghetti, salad and garlic bread my soon-to-be MIL fixed with help from her sister. We must have done something right, been 31 years.
I didn't even know that parents still paid for weddings. It's definitely not customary anymore where I am.
What they should have said: Haha are you insane? The money doesn't grow on my back. 1 meal it will be for a small group at the wedding and the rest get some bitter balls, but we have nothing to do with it, since we're not the ones marrying. And then: Son! Yes mom? Run!!!!!!! These people are crazy!!!
I've been married for 23 years and my husband and I paid for our wedding. We had no rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. We both know there was going to be an aisle and we would walk down it. We both know how to walk so we didn't need to rehearse it. Our wedding was exactly the way we wanted it and there was zero stress. We had kids already and I'm the oldest of my siblings so the kids came on the honeymoon and I started the tradition that we take family honeymoons as in siblings as well. There are six of us and we are all married and have all paid for our own without all that other nonsense. I wouldn't spend $37k on a wedding. That's a down payment on a house alone. I can't imagine the price tag for everything else. And will probably end in divorce regardless because of the clash of socioeconomic diversion.
It appears that the motives of the bride's parents might have been (a) to put the groom's parents firmly in their place from the very beginning and (b) get a start on a wedge between the couple and the groom's parents. Right from the start, the mother of the groom should have said, ""Oh my, there must have been a misunderstanding. We will be making the arrangements for the rehearsal dinner on our own. We will give everybody involved the details one they have been finalized. We hope you and your husband can be there. I'll let you go now since you're going to have to spend a little time calling those people back to cancel."
My entire wedding was under $5,000. That was 2 years ago. Including beautiful dress and two dinners, hair and makeup professionally done. Week in Tahoe, nice accommodations. Designation Tahoe - one after the ceremony, and then we went on the lake boat trip at night. Pizza Hut dinner on Friday night. The entire occasion was awesome!! I can't imagine this marriage is going to work. $37,000 for a dinner!! STFU!!
love how the sisters only got 7k but the brother is seemingly getting a lot more. seems a bit messed up, wonder of he's the "first born, golden boy, child who can do no wrong" because if I was one of the sisters I would be pretty mad about how the parents are groveling at the in laws feet like that
lol. The wedding party typically go to the church or wedding venue and rehearses how the wedding ceremony will go like how the wedding party will process into the church or venue, where people will stand, the order of events of the ceremony, etc. Then afterwards everyone involved goes to dinner. That's why its called a rehearsal dinner. You aren't rehearsing how to eat dinner, you are rehearsing the wedding ceremony. lol.
Load More Replies... The absence of the brother in these shenanigans makes me think the OP's parents should take out insurance on their contribution.
"Very rich Southern family". Mom probably never worked a day in her life, quite possibly none of the women have had a standard 9-to-5. That's why she hasn't a clue what anything costs and why the husband is far more reasonable and mature. This isn't entitlement, this is MOB living in a parallel world. Hopefully OP's brother either earns enough to support his future family or had some honest discussions with his bride about finances...
Errr... disagree about the FOB tho; yes as opposed to her he has the realism he can't squeeze a pint of blood from a rock, so he still squeezes a quarter pint from this rock while calling them "cheap". Sorry, "I don't have to stand here and take your insults; there's a whole line of people that want to insult me" --- you cannot beg me for $10K and call me cheap, choose at most one.
Load More Replies... Don't let your soon to be MIL run roughshod over your family. Why in world would anyone expect them to be TOLD how many people and what type of event to hold. Keep this type of entitlement going and you won't have a family once this marriage implodes.
Are joking or really that stupid? The dinner is after the WEDDING REHEARSAL.
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