Guy Illustrates How Boys Develop Sexism From Seemingly Small Interactions With Adults
Parents, teachers and other people around them play a large role in a kid’s life, socialization, and development. A lot of what happens in childhood can matter for a lifetime so it’s really important that everybody involved try their best to raise a mindful human being. However, it’s easy to mess up, after all, nobody’s perfect. What matters is recognizing these mistakes and improving. Recently, artist Damian Alexander created a comic pointing out one specific area that he thinks everybody should pay more attention to. Boys adoring female role models.
More info: damianimated.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter
And you couldn’t find a better person for the job. Damian grew up in a pretty artistic family and got a bachelors degree in Fine Art. Also, he experienced all of this first-hand. “Growing up, my favorite character was Matilda. She was so smart and I related to her feeling out of place in her family,” Damian told Bored Panda. “The telekinesis thing was also really exciting to me. Then there’s Anne of Green Gables, Hermione from Harry Potter, Mary Poppins, Mulan, and so many more. I think it’s because girl characters tend to use creative problem solving instead of outright violence, and I found that a lot more engaging.”
His family never seemed to care much or take notice of it. “If I wanted a doll or something though, they’d direct me toward an action figure. Boys in my family would also turn up their nose if I wanted to play as Princess Peach in Super Smash Bros.”
And that’s the problem. Damian thinks that sexism, misogyny, and homophobia are a huge part of why society thinks a boy shouldn’t look up to women. “A lot of men undervalue women and see them as less than. Probably because we have this toxic cycle of telling little boys they can’t admire women, and then having them grow up to disrespect women. A lot of parents also think if their son likes girl characters, he’ll suddenly turn gay even though that’s not how that works at all.”
“Just let kids like what they like,” the artist said after being asked how should society break this stigma. “If a little boy admires Elsa, just let him and don’t make a fuss about it. I’m so tired of seeing parents in the toy section direct their sons away from the doll aisle saying “Nope, that’s for girls!” Each time they’re planting the little seeds of misogyny in their kid’s head.”
After seeing Damian’s comic, people immediately started relating to it
I saw a boy about 2 years old holding a pink my little pony ball. At the checkout the mum realised the design of ball he had and said “I’m not getting you a pink ball, any other colour would be better”. The little boy looked so upset coz he didn’t understand that people see toys and images as gender specific. My 5yo son loves cars, trucks, boats, fire trucks, getting dirty etc but he also loves having his nails painted, wearing a lil make up when myself or my daughter wear it etc. My 13yo daughter loves fashion and “girly” stuff but she loves getting dirty, riding bikes (she used to do BMX racing), playing rough etc. I don’t give a shit. I care about my kids happiness and if they are happy having opposite “gender” toys then so be it.
you're raising happy, confident, well adjusted children...thank you! there need to be more parents like this.
My son loves robots and nerf guns etc, but he has also been "daddy" to my old cabbage patch doll for years, he walks her in a pram and reads her stories. I was surprised when trying to buy his baby a wee stroller, how geared towards girls they are! But then I realised I was being biased myself...why shouldn't he use a pink stroller? And so he does, happily :)
The interesting thing is that until about a century ago, pink was considered to be a "boy's color" that was too strong a color for girls. Sexism isn't even chronologically consistent.
I saw a very similar scene at the supermarket (here in Brazil). The little boy wanted something pink and his mother insisted he should choose something else instead because "pink is for girls, you must pick something for boys."
So sad.
I got my son his own makeup ($tree) and have painted his nails before (he somehow sat still long enough!) When I mentioned at work that I painted his nails after he saw me do mine, a female co-worker (baby boomer) got very upset and said nothing good can come of that. I ignored her. I showed the pictures to someone else that they were pink glitter, baby boomer looked disgusted and got up and left. My son went to daycare/preschool to show all his friends that he got nails painted. But it's not just polish, it's glitter! Some of the kids were confused and asked why I had done that cause painting nails and pink and glitter is only for girls. I asked why? They paused cause they didn't really know. I said anything can be for a boy or girl. There's nothing wrong with it. His teacher looked annoyed. A bunch of the boys then wanted to paint their nails lol
👍
ah, be careful with that stuff, they might end up seeing others as equals and even respect them as such ! /s
Girls pick up on this as well. I avoided anything that could remotely be seen as feminine because I had equated femininity with inferiority. Femininity was frivolous and I wanted to be a hard-edged career woman. I was in my late 20s when it kind of hit me that I had been taught to loath part of my identity, my gender, a huge fucking part of who I am even though I was (and still am) a strong feminist. But my younger form of feminism was adapting masculine qualities because I wanted to be a powerful woman while avoiding pink like a color matters in the slightest. Now I accept that femininity and masculinity are bullshit, people are complex and have both traits and both traits have value. Compassion and leadership are both important and they are not exclusive on one or another gender.
This is so true. I ride motorcycles and worked in the motorsports industry, I always made a point of not dressing "girly" or wearing the kinds of riding gear that accentuated the fact that I was female. I'm so happy that the newest generation of female riders have amazing skills, no fear, and some dress like girls while others are more comfortable in guys gear. Things are slowly getting better, but they're still far from equal.
In the bike (bicycle) industry the evolution of real women's (actually functional) gear has taken some time. The first generation or two were the typical "shrink it & pink it" version of women's stuff. A big part of this is having women in design and the highest levels of performance
RaroaRaora, the industry manufactures clothing designed for men and clothing designed for women, this will continue unless evolution turns future generations into a bunch of blobs with no external differences. Until that happens, we still need different clothing for these various body styles and also need to utilize some sort of terms that we all understand so we land in the correct department when we're clothes shopping. It's not sexist to use descriptive terms. My statement about "not dressing girly" was part of the descriptive stating that I did not wish to wear anything that accentuated my feminine attributes. If you can find a way to describe that which doesn't resort to utilizing terms like "feminine" or "girly", then I'd be interested to hear it. Descriptives will always be necessary, they are the shorthand that makes communication work more efficiently.
2WheelTravr: Yet we still use the term "dress like girls" and "guys' gear". Some way to go yet. One day, maybe there won't be anyone describing clothing styles as for girls or guys. Because, when we really think about it, why is there a difference at all? Sizing and shape, sure, but the general style and whether it's pants or skirts should be for whoever feels comfortable in them.
Yeah, I hear you. I didn't start wearing pink until I was in my 20's and admitted to myself that it's a nice color and there's nothing about it that inherently signifies weakness.
I can remember when men who wore pink were assumed to be gay. I think men look great in pink and they should be able to wear what they want.
Same. When I was a teen, I insisted on white plain sports bras and cried when I realised the only ones I could now wear were frilly pink ones. I made my mum cut the bows off. I'm at peace with it now, but I'd never made the connection that I probably didn't like it due to the inferiority connotations I'd picked up (to underscore That, it was just me and my sister growing up with mum and dad, so we joked that I was the 'boy daughter' as I liked transformers and tmnt as much as Barbie etc. And so I did things like building stuff with dad more than my sister did. Only realised later in life what an unintentional but messed up thing that was)
Over here we had some discussions about using the male and female terms when talking about people or continuing to only use the male version for (nearly) everything. There was one woman who said that she had struggled to get respect and recognition in her field so she saw it as the best compliment ever to, well, never being mentioned and e.g. being called a male programmer instead of a female programmer. This led her to hate feminists because they apparently wanted to take the respect away she earned so hard. I was quite devastated when I read this. It always makes me furious and sad when women learned that everything woman is bad and try to be "the cool girl who is not like the others" to please some idiot dudes and get a minimum of respect.
wow I share the same feminity=inferiority mentality growing up too! I hated playing with "girly" toys or associate myself with anything remotely feminine. still I can't see myself as one of the boys because they never want to play with a "girl" like me. I grew up without friends and a whole lot of self-loathing. having my first period made me an extremely angry person too because it pretty much "confirms" that I have a uterus thus is a woman. thankfully I grew adulthood when internet is easily within reach and I have read, learn, and reset myself. though I still don't like to call myself as a female, I'm not as negative towards feminity as I did before.
Same here. Except I was already adult when I decided to avoid all feminine things and only play male characters in video games (I still do play mostly male characters, though in many games' case it's because of the hypersexualization of the female characters)... I even had a point where I just didn't want to be female AT ALL, even considered a sex change seriously... but I grew out of it realizing that I am not alone in feeling like this, I met many women on MMORPGs who play male characters and women who , and with the internet giving better access to information on feminism (as opposed to pre-internet where I was told the "feminism = misandry" myth, and family never even mentioned it), I learned that there is hope for the future and future generations of the world to improve, for everyone of all gender/sexuality/etc.
Me too. I didn't even allow myself to like pink until I was 31 because I wanted to prove I wasn't inferior. I disliked everything stereotypically feminine. Now I embrace it!
I completely relate. I’m 62 and have been a hard assed women all my life because I didn’t want to be a “typical girly girl”, weak and ground under the feet of men. Yet, I too came to realize I was working against my gender really. Not wanting to be a girly girl was objectifying women even worse. We can be strong, feminist & feminine, cry at sad movies & plumb the kitchen too. In order to move ahead we have to quit demonizing our own sex, have each other’s backs prove we’re made up of all these magnificent traits. I still hate pink though. Damn.
OMG I relate to this a lot. I think that's why I have gotten the idea that if I wear makeup or short shorts or crop tops doanything that accentuates the fact that I was a girl, I will just be a girly-girl. Basic. Ordinary. I'm a smart girl and I thought that being feminine would somehow remove that. Now, I understand that this isn't how feminine expression works, but sometimes I wonder who is a certain person beyond their appearance and self-expression. Now I understand I often only see one side of some people. But I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of wearing crop tops, short shorts, or makeup.
This comment has been deleted.
Ah!!! The threading in BP sucks! I had to delete because it looked like I responded to the wrong thing.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
as a man, fuck off pretty please. Maybe your feminity is bullshit, but for us, masculinity is not bullshit. You have no right to expect us to be like you want or need. We dont exist for you, or your society.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
"Now I accept that femininity and masculinity are bullshit" Yeah...Good luck with that.
This is spot on and so, so sad. Even more sad: even after this clear-as-day explanation, there will STILL be those that will dismiss and deny this, so it probably wont be changing anytime soon. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
Sadly true. But it does help a little to bring awareness, then at least some families change over time. Hopefully that eventually would make it improved in the future, even if it's pretty far off. (Sorry had a duplicate comment earlier)
Eventually the tide will turn—-and this is a good indicator that it has started to—-and the knuckledraggers will either die off (first preference), or skulk back under their rocks where they belong—-permanently (second preference, as long as it is permanent). Society (and that includes the media and politicians) should put misogynists, and all the other negative “-ists”, for that matter, on the same level as pedophiles and other social undesirables. Turning them into social pariahs can help bring an end to encouraging their behavior.
YES that last part sounds like a great idea!
Oh dear, and who will decide if I'm a negative “-ist”? I really hope it will a judge and the jury otherwise this is a very dangerous territory.
True, but for teachers and other professionals who work with children it is NOT acceptable that they claim ignorance on this. We think we have come a long way with equality but all we have done is to scratch the surface. Maybe we should ditch the word "feminist" and replace it with "anti-sexism" to include both genders? I say that even as I cannot even begin to comprehend women, even young ones, who in this day and age say that they are not feminists. Do they not want to be allowed to vote) Do they not want to be able to study, open a bank account or get a job without their legal male guardian putting his signature in writing in order to allow it?
I completely agree that there's no excuse for teachers to claim ignorance with something like this, they should know better! I'm also super baffled when young women say they're not feminists! By the way, feminism actually advocates for equality between all genders, and the reason it's called feminism is because women were the more aggressively oppressed gender when feminism started! And considering that there are many "man" related words (like "mankind") I think calling it feminism is okay :)
This comment has been deleted.
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I don’t know, even without these terrible influences or comments, somehow things just get imprinted and ingrained at a young age. Was teaching a kindergarten class once (in liberal so California) and there was a play kitchen and pizza store in the classroom. There were little menu pads and aprons so that they could play restaurant. Guess who ended up in the kitchen serving food and taking orders? Without any input from me, all the little boys sat down, and all the little girls played the waitresses, took their orders, and made & served the pizza. My mind was blown as I just watched them for a bit.
Prob watched and learned it through daily interactions in society? Like if how at home the mum always serve the dad meals and if they go out and eat, maybe certain/most establishments has more female waitresses than male waiters.
Don't know why you received so many downvotes. You were just stating what you observed. I guess if it is always their mothers serving the food they are going to fall in line with that. They are just copying their parents.
I saw a boy about 2 years old holding a pink my little pony ball. At the checkout the mum realised the design of ball he had and said “I’m not getting you a pink ball, any other colour would be better”. The little boy looked so upset coz he didn’t understand that people see toys and images as gender specific. My 5yo son loves cars, trucks, boats, fire trucks, getting dirty etc but he also loves having his nails painted, wearing a lil make up when myself or my daughter wear it etc. My 13yo daughter loves fashion and “girly” stuff but she loves getting dirty, riding bikes (she used to do BMX racing), playing rough etc. I don’t give a shit. I care about my kids happiness and if they are happy having opposite “gender” toys then so be it.
you're raising happy, confident, well adjusted children...thank you! there need to be more parents like this.
My son loves robots and nerf guns etc, but he has also been "daddy" to my old cabbage patch doll for years, he walks her in a pram and reads her stories. I was surprised when trying to buy his baby a wee stroller, how geared towards girls they are! But then I realised I was being biased myself...why shouldn't he use a pink stroller? And so he does, happily :)
The interesting thing is that until about a century ago, pink was considered to be a "boy's color" that was too strong a color for girls. Sexism isn't even chronologically consistent.
I saw a very similar scene at the supermarket (here in Brazil). The little boy wanted something pink and his mother insisted he should choose something else instead because "pink is for girls, you must pick something for boys."
So sad.
I got my son his own makeup ($tree) and have painted his nails before (he somehow sat still long enough!) When I mentioned at work that I painted his nails after he saw me do mine, a female co-worker (baby boomer) got very upset and said nothing good can come of that. I ignored her. I showed the pictures to someone else that they were pink glitter, baby boomer looked disgusted and got up and left. My son went to daycare/preschool to show all his friends that he got nails painted. But it's not just polish, it's glitter! Some of the kids were confused and asked why I had done that cause painting nails and pink and glitter is only for girls. I asked why? They paused cause they didn't really know. I said anything can be for a boy or girl. There's nothing wrong with it. His teacher looked annoyed. A bunch of the boys then wanted to paint their nails lol
👍
ah, be careful with that stuff, they might end up seeing others as equals and even respect them as such ! /s
Girls pick up on this as well. I avoided anything that could remotely be seen as feminine because I had equated femininity with inferiority. Femininity was frivolous and I wanted to be a hard-edged career woman. I was in my late 20s when it kind of hit me that I had been taught to loath part of my identity, my gender, a huge fucking part of who I am even though I was (and still am) a strong feminist. But my younger form of feminism was adapting masculine qualities because I wanted to be a powerful woman while avoiding pink like a color matters in the slightest. Now I accept that femininity and masculinity are bullshit, people are complex and have both traits and both traits have value. Compassion and leadership are both important and they are not exclusive on one or another gender.
This is so true. I ride motorcycles and worked in the motorsports industry, I always made a point of not dressing "girly" or wearing the kinds of riding gear that accentuated the fact that I was female. I'm so happy that the newest generation of female riders have amazing skills, no fear, and some dress like girls while others are more comfortable in guys gear. Things are slowly getting better, but they're still far from equal.
In the bike (bicycle) industry the evolution of real women's (actually functional) gear has taken some time. The first generation or two were the typical "shrink it & pink it" version of women's stuff. A big part of this is having women in design and the highest levels of performance
RaroaRaora, the industry manufactures clothing designed for men and clothing designed for women, this will continue unless evolution turns future generations into a bunch of blobs with no external differences. Until that happens, we still need different clothing for these various body styles and also need to utilize some sort of terms that we all understand so we land in the correct department when we're clothes shopping. It's not sexist to use descriptive terms. My statement about "not dressing girly" was part of the descriptive stating that I did not wish to wear anything that accentuated my feminine attributes. If you can find a way to describe that which doesn't resort to utilizing terms like "feminine" or "girly", then I'd be interested to hear it. Descriptives will always be necessary, they are the shorthand that makes communication work more efficiently.
2WheelTravr: Yet we still use the term "dress like girls" and "guys' gear". Some way to go yet. One day, maybe there won't be anyone describing clothing styles as for girls or guys. Because, when we really think about it, why is there a difference at all? Sizing and shape, sure, but the general style and whether it's pants or skirts should be for whoever feels comfortable in them.
Yeah, I hear you. I didn't start wearing pink until I was in my 20's and admitted to myself that it's a nice color and there's nothing about it that inherently signifies weakness.
I can remember when men who wore pink were assumed to be gay. I think men look great in pink and they should be able to wear what they want.
Same. When I was a teen, I insisted on white plain sports bras and cried when I realised the only ones I could now wear were frilly pink ones. I made my mum cut the bows off. I'm at peace with it now, but I'd never made the connection that I probably didn't like it due to the inferiority connotations I'd picked up (to underscore That, it was just me and my sister growing up with mum and dad, so we joked that I was the 'boy daughter' as I liked transformers and tmnt as much as Barbie etc. And so I did things like building stuff with dad more than my sister did. Only realised later in life what an unintentional but messed up thing that was)
Over here we had some discussions about using the male and female terms when talking about people or continuing to only use the male version for (nearly) everything. There was one woman who said that she had struggled to get respect and recognition in her field so she saw it as the best compliment ever to, well, never being mentioned and e.g. being called a male programmer instead of a female programmer. This led her to hate feminists because they apparently wanted to take the respect away she earned so hard. I was quite devastated when I read this. It always makes me furious and sad when women learned that everything woman is bad and try to be "the cool girl who is not like the others" to please some idiot dudes and get a minimum of respect.
wow I share the same feminity=inferiority mentality growing up too! I hated playing with "girly" toys or associate myself with anything remotely feminine. still I can't see myself as one of the boys because they never want to play with a "girl" like me. I grew up without friends and a whole lot of self-loathing. having my first period made me an extremely angry person too because it pretty much "confirms" that I have a uterus thus is a woman. thankfully I grew adulthood when internet is easily within reach and I have read, learn, and reset myself. though I still don't like to call myself as a female, I'm not as negative towards feminity as I did before.
Same here. Except I was already adult when I decided to avoid all feminine things and only play male characters in video games (I still do play mostly male characters, though in many games' case it's because of the hypersexualization of the female characters)... I even had a point where I just didn't want to be female AT ALL, even considered a sex change seriously... but I grew out of it realizing that I am not alone in feeling like this, I met many women on MMORPGs who play male characters and women who , and with the internet giving better access to information on feminism (as opposed to pre-internet where I was told the "feminism = misandry" myth, and family never even mentioned it), I learned that there is hope for the future and future generations of the world to improve, for everyone of all gender/sexuality/etc.
Me too. I didn't even allow myself to like pink until I was 31 because I wanted to prove I wasn't inferior. I disliked everything stereotypically feminine. Now I embrace it!
I completely relate. I’m 62 and have been a hard assed women all my life because I didn’t want to be a “typical girly girl”, weak and ground under the feet of men. Yet, I too came to realize I was working against my gender really. Not wanting to be a girly girl was objectifying women even worse. We can be strong, feminist & feminine, cry at sad movies & plumb the kitchen too. In order to move ahead we have to quit demonizing our own sex, have each other’s backs prove we’re made up of all these magnificent traits. I still hate pink though. Damn.
OMG I relate to this a lot. I think that's why I have gotten the idea that if I wear makeup or short shorts or crop tops doanything that accentuates the fact that I was a girl, I will just be a girly-girl. Basic. Ordinary. I'm a smart girl and I thought that being feminine would somehow remove that. Now, I understand that this isn't how feminine expression works, but sometimes I wonder who is a certain person beyond their appearance and self-expression. Now I understand I often only see one side of some people. But I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of wearing crop tops, short shorts, or makeup.
This comment has been deleted.
Ah!!! The threading in BP sucks! I had to delete because it looked like I responded to the wrong thing.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
as a man, fuck off pretty please. Maybe your feminity is bullshit, but for us, masculinity is not bullshit. You have no right to expect us to be like you want or need. We dont exist for you, or your society.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
"Now I accept that femininity and masculinity are bullshit" Yeah...Good luck with that.
This is spot on and so, so sad. Even more sad: even after this clear-as-day explanation, there will STILL be those that will dismiss and deny this, so it probably wont be changing anytime soon. You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
Sadly true. But it does help a little to bring awareness, then at least some families change over time. Hopefully that eventually would make it improved in the future, even if it's pretty far off. (Sorry had a duplicate comment earlier)
Eventually the tide will turn—-and this is a good indicator that it has started to—-and the knuckledraggers will either die off (first preference), or skulk back under their rocks where they belong—-permanently (second preference, as long as it is permanent). Society (and that includes the media and politicians) should put misogynists, and all the other negative “-ists”, for that matter, on the same level as pedophiles and other social undesirables. Turning them into social pariahs can help bring an end to encouraging their behavior.
YES that last part sounds like a great idea!
Oh dear, and who will decide if I'm a negative “-ist”? I really hope it will a judge and the jury otherwise this is a very dangerous territory.
True, but for teachers and other professionals who work with children it is NOT acceptable that they claim ignorance on this. We think we have come a long way with equality but all we have done is to scratch the surface. Maybe we should ditch the word "feminist" and replace it with "anti-sexism" to include both genders? I say that even as I cannot even begin to comprehend women, even young ones, who in this day and age say that they are not feminists. Do they not want to be allowed to vote) Do they not want to be able to study, open a bank account or get a job without their legal male guardian putting his signature in writing in order to allow it?
I completely agree that there's no excuse for teachers to claim ignorance with something like this, they should know better! I'm also super baffled when young women say they're not feminists! By the way, feminism actually advocates for equality between all genders, and the reason it's called feminism is because women were the more aggressively oppressed gender when feminism started! And considering that there are many "man" related words (like "mankind") I think calling it feminism is okay :)
This comment has been deleted.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I don’t know, even without these terrible influences or comments, somehow things just get imprinted and ingrained at a young age. Was teaching a kindergarten class once (in liberal so California) and there was a play kitchen and pizza store in the classroom. There were little menu pads and aprons so that they could play restaurant. Guess who ended up in the kitchen serving food and taking orders? Without any input from me, all the little boys sat down, and all the little girls played the waitresses, took their orders, and made & served the pizza. My mind was blown as I just watched them for a bit.
Prob watched and learned it through daily interactions in society? Like if how at home the mum always serve the dad meals and if they go out and eat, maybe certain/most establishments has more female waitresses than male waiters.
Don't know why you received so many downvotes. You were just stating what you observed. I guess if it is always their mothers serving the food they are going to fall in line with that. They are just copying their parents.