Boyfriend Keeps Quizzing Med Student Girlfriend At Home, She Realizes It’s Not Just Curiosity

Dating someone in med school sounds like a flex. You get to have free medical advice on demand or cool Grey’s Anatomy trivia during dinner. But imagine living in a constant pop quiz with no buzzer, no break, and no escape.

Today’s Original Poster (OP) is a med student who opened up about how her boyfriend, a pre-med dropout turned armchair pharmacologist, constantly bombards her with medical questions. However, she’s now wondering: is this normal? Or has the teaching moment gone way too far?

More info: Reddit

Imagine spending hours at the hospital for a shift, yet your partner is right there to turn your downtime into a never-ending interrogation about everything medical

Couple in a heated discussion on the sofa, man gestures widely while woman looks concerned.

Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The author is a medical student with a boyfriend who hoped to get into med school, but didn’t

Medical student feels trapped by boyfriend's incessant questions challenging her expertise.

Text describing a person's constant questioning of medical knowledge related to disorders and treatments on TV shows.

Text about feeling trapped and stressed by constant medical questioning.

Text about woman's frustration with boyfriend's challenges to her medical expertise on zinc claims.

Image credits: u/WalloryMeiss

Woman using laptop at home office, contemplating medical expertise.

Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)

However, she noticed that he would start quizzing her on everything that had to do with medicine

Text expressing frustration from a doctor about her boyfriend challenging her medical expertise at home.

Text from an image highlighting a relationship struggle and medical expertise challenges.

Text expressing frustration and feeling trapped at home despite being in med school.

Text reading: "Am I just being stupidly defensive? Should I just...know more things than I do? Does anyone have a good method for this?

Image credits: u/WalloryMeiss

Woman feeling trapped at home, stressed by boyfriend challenging her medical expertise, sitting by a laptop.

Image credits: Anna Tarazevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)

This made her uncomfortable and mentally exhausted, but her boyfriend insisted that she should be grateful that his questioning was helping her learn new things

Update highlighting rapid escalation comment on medical expertise challenge.

Text image sharing a personal story about a woman gaining courage to meet her boyfriend.

Text discussing being warned about gaslighting related to medical expertise challenges.

Text discussing challenges at home over medical expertise.

Text about a woman's struggle with her boyfriend challenging her medical expertise.

Image credits: u/WalloryMeiss

Woman in a blue shirt feeling trapped at home with her boyfriend challenging her medical expertise, in a sunlit room.

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

She was fed up with his behavior and decided to break up with him, and that was when he revealed that he had always known she was an intellectual snob

Text discussing relationship challenges and perceived intellectual snobbery.

Text image discussing a woman's experience of reliance on her boyfriend during medical school.

Text highlighting medical expertise challenged; mentions conditions like narcissism, autism, and OCD in medicine.

Text comparing law and medical school, questioning medical expertise.

Text describing a troubling conversation related to medical expertise doubts.

Image credits: u/WalloryMeiss

Man discussing at a kitchen table, woman with hand on face, appearing frustrated about medical expertise challenge.

Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

He also added that he had been wanting to break up with her for a long time now and that she had to be suffering from narcissism or OCD, anyway

Text expressing a woman's overwhelmed feelings as her medical expertise is challenged.

Text excerpt reflecting on anticipated debate about challenging medical expertise.

Text expressing feelings of validation and clarity in a challenging situation.

Text image about productivity and seeking peace and quiet at home.

Image credits: u/WalloryMeiss

He went ahead to wish her luck staying in med school and informed her it wasn’t a sustainable career choice, leaving her surprised

The OP explained that her boyfriend once had dreams of medical school, but after hitting a wall in weed-out classes, he pivoted to a different field. Despite leaving medicine behind, his curiosity didn’t fade, and she notice that her boyfriend started throwing medicine-related questions at her left and right.

Whether it was when watching a medical drama or hearing a bizarre health claim at work, her boyfriend would turn every moment into a teachable one for her. He wanted answers about diseases, medications, side effects, and real-life accuracy. And if the show prescribed something weird, he would grill her on what the “correct” treatment should be.

It didn’t stop with fictional patients, though. The boyfriend also began bringing home far-fetched health claims and would ask her to justify why modern medicine hadn’t caught up. However, he wouldn’t want quick dismissals, he wanted a researched rebuttal every time.

When the OP decided she’d had enough, she told him she didn’t want to spend her rare free time answering questions, to which he called her lucky for being in med school and insisted that she should be happy to be learning new things every time she had to look up something to answer him. However, he didn’t realize that his incessant questioning was only making the OP feel small.

To understand the psychological dynamics at play when one partner constantly tests or quizzes the other, we reached out to clinical psychologist Florence Okezie, who explained that this behavior could stem from an unconscious desire to assert dominance or control within the relationship.

“The person testing their partner may often be positioning themselves as the ‘know-it-all’ or authority figure,” she said before adding that perfectionism could also be a contributing factor.

Woman reviewing notes at home, seated by a laptop with magazines nearby, reflecting on medical expertise challenges.

Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels (not the actual photo)

“If one partner holds themselves to extremely high standards, they might test their significant other’s knowledge or behavior as a way to measure their performance, driven by a need for everything to be ‘correct’ or up to par.”

While knowledge sharing is generally a positive aspect of relationships, Okezie acknowledged that it can cross into emotional labor when it becomes one-sided or overwhelming. She emphasized that signs of emotional labor include one partner taking on the disproportionate responsibility of teaching or explaining things, which can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion.

This dynamic can also begin to affect the partner’s confidence or sense of equality in the relationship. “If knowledge sharing consistently feels draining for one person or they are beginning to feel less of themselves, it may indicate emotional labor is at play,” she said.

Recognizing when you’re being intellectually devalued in a relationship can be difficult, as the signs are often subtle. Okezie highlighted that consistent undermining of one’s knowledge is a major indicator, as this behavior can lead to self-doubt, making one feel less competent or confident in their abilities.

She added that “it may even discourage the person from sharing their thoughts or insights in the future, and if the pattern continues, it can have a lasting impact on their sense of self-worth and intellectual autonomy in the relationship.”

Netizens maintained that the boyfriend’s behavior was rooted in insecurity and masked by constant questioning. They pointed out an undercurrent of misogyny, noting how he seemed threatened by a competent woman succeeding in a field he couldn’t break into.

The OP revealed that she eventually broke up with the boyfriend and that he indeed turned out to be even more insecure than she thought. However, what do you think about this? Do you think it’s fair to expect your partner to always be “on” when it comes to their career knowledge? We would love to hear your thoughts!

Netizens rallied around the author, insisting that the now ex-boyfriend had most likely been jealous that he didn’t get into med school

Comment criticizing a boyfriend challenging his partner's medical expertise, highlighting the issue of feeling trapped.

Comment highlighting sexism and challenges to woman's medical expertise in relationship.

Reddit comment discussing toxic relationships and self-worth, highlighting experiences of people feeling trapped.

Screenshot of a humorous comment questioning medical expertise in a relationship context.

Comment criticizing boyfriend for dismissing medical expertise in a relationship.

Poll Question

Total votes ·

Thanks! Check out the results:

Total votes ·

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!