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Scotland, a country that has been part of the UK for more than 300 years, is known for many things, such as deep-friend mars bars, whiskey, and numerous genius inventions that make our lives so much easier. But there's probably one thing you didn't know about Scottish people, it's their one of a kind sense of humor that started making waves across the internet, especially on twitter. Not only are their jokes crude and funny, but they are also written in the way they speak. Scots have the unique ability to make other laugh and make their thrive at the same time. Ready for some unadulterated jokes? Then scroll below

#1

Best-Scottish-Tweets

awkwardandodd Report

Lucas
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The very least of the weird things on the Edinburgh to Glasgae train you'll hear...

Roselyn Park
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A travelling companion of mine was given a live lobster in a shopping bag by an elderly gent whilst travelling on that selfsame line. His motivation was unclear, and we had a weird time cooking it in a backpackers’ hostel kitchen. I would never do it again (cruelty), but it still sticks in my memory almost thirty years later.

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Astrid Nineor
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh yes. I can definitely belive this

Elaine Mattingly
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have laughed till I cried 1. because it's so funny 2.because he isnt my husband.

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    #2

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Jb_XIIVI Report

    Morgan Rathjen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i feel like your profile picture is asking me why i haven’t practiced french today and it scares me

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    blugeagua
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But lots of women are still beautiful without all of that

    Evan Martin
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And ducks quack...that's all well and good, but I think you're missing the point the poster was making.

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    Lenka Smetanová
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    K-pop singers guys prove that you are wrong

    Truth Monster
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And using wigs, makeup, lashes every day to conform to someone's ideal of beauty is somehow preferable?

    Woody
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what about James Charles?

    King Kong
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Own that sh*t and pray that you're that lucky

    cassiushumanmother
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But scottish men can wear skirts, i mean kilts (i don't want to be struck down by the scottish god).

    Loki’s Lil Butter Knife
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hah hah, wise choice there. That's why men in Scotland wear a sgian-dubh (small ceremonial knife) with their Highland dress- just in case anyone has the gall to call a "kilt" a "skirt." Disclaimer: Men in Scotland do not actually use the sgian-dubh to stab people who refer to kilts as "man skirts."

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    #3

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    samueljenkinson Report

    FurryManiac
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I support this with my whole being.

    XxInstantKarmaxX
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stay away from each other or end up 6 feet underground XDDD

    LadyAna
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I also like, mask it or casket!

    EA
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I heard “2 metres is the length of a coffin. Get any closer and you’ll be in one!”

    Max L.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We need her speech in Italy too.

    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And I demand that fly stay six feet away.

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    #4

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Rauss_Mc Report

    Liam Walsh
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Remember having that conversation with a mate at work when we were commuting - wasp gets on at our station and ends up in London not knowing what the f**k happened!

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah - wasps/bees have social groups. Not so sure about flies!!

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    Janine B.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sure it was on its way to conquer another part of the world.

    Craig Silberman
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to think that of flies that would get into the car on a road trip

    Markus Holstein
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The immortal George Carlin had one about that: "I always try to explain to the fly what an amzing thing is currently happening to them, but they only care about how fast they're going. They say a frog's tongue wouldn't stand a chance against such speed"

    Damon Gates
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This sounds like a set-up for a joke: "A fly, a wasp, and a duck get on a London-bound train..."

    Spring Fisk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    he probably did it on purpose. Why fly all the way to Florida? Just let the friendly sky's take you there.

    Max L.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, the airplane will come back to che same airport in a while, so if he doesn’t board off, there are high chances that he will reunite and tell great stories about his travels

    Talorc MacAllan
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    maybe he planned it...they are fly as f**k em things

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    #5

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Bivsterr Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He wants the deep fried mars bar but knows he's not supposed to eat chocolate!

    Blake Ingram
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whats a Mars Bar? Don't think we have them in Florida.

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    Jody Brown
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG the dog looks Scottish. How can a dog look Scottish?

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cos he looks like Billy Connolly! 😁 Also don't foget about Scottie dogs.

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    Truth Monster
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's trying to figure out if pancakes have carbs

    Donna Leske
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, I laughed so hard at that face!

    Nora
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He looks like he's about to sneeze!

    Talorc MacAllan
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hes sayin.....gonay no dee that, just gonayno

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pishing masel laffin hee, that's a belter

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    #6

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Report

    Bobbilee
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I totally gave my husband a father day card last year from our dog. Lmao. I even painted her paw and signed the card with her PAW PRINT.

    Bebe
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I laughed hard at this one😂

    N S
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That reminds me of that instance a former GF came crying into my dormitory at Uni, handing me a pregnancy test. I crapped my pants in an instant only to find a minute later that she had misread the pregnancy test (needs two lines, not just one, which turned out to be the positive control) :D

    N S
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was a test, she was looking for your reaction, you probably failed Harvey! :D

    Analyn Lahr
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Your women"? You saying you not human? I envy you.

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    #7

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    ninagilbert7 Report

    bored human
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shower thoughts at their finest

    Bunzilla
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's like one of those "once you see it you can't unsee it" things

    Morgan Rathjen
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    take some shrooms, you'll work it oot

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    #8

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    immicornes Report

    Up All Night
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Took me a while to find out what's a "top of a pic", lol

    Palestinian warrior
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can someone please explain this to me?

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Baby photo on tshirt looks like there is a real baby in the washer

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    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s too funny. I probably would have screamed too.

    PhotoJenic12
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I Think I need subtitles for this.

    Hard Cyder
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it took me about 5 minutes to decipher that tweet...

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a totally understandable and logical reaction

    El!
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am so happy that other people were very confused on what in the world this said

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    #9

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    elisegates96 Report

    Raine Soo
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Egad, this one had me in tears!

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    they'll be sitting next tae the oven on full wi the door open tae git a sweat oan, then letting it get a bit wiffy, then sniffin their ane t-shirts for the rest of the week like a safety blanket

    Phunny Philosopher
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am confused also. Could someone explain?

    Bacony
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's saying that the Gym Guys's only personality is going to the Gym, and all the Gyms are closed.

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    #10

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Melfyx Report

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's revenge! Very cruel :D

    Geth
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm having a hard time parsing this.

    Thomas Ewing
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He took the remote control to the TV set(s) with him.

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    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you've been grounded ever sence. Not to worry two more weeks and you'll be old enough to move out.

    Karen Lees
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet she went right mad looking for them.

    Celeste Grant
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This happens way more often than people imagine... kids bring all sorts to school often to get revenge on those at home!

    Tania Woods
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Until you got home and found she had taken your mattress.

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    #11

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    MikeyHay96 Report

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grams survived the Second War and Macmillan's government, she can handle a party...

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    Lillukka
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Something my mum would say. She greets old friends with, "you're still alive!"

    Donna Leske
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    No new ones gran? Sad.

    #12

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    elliebeebee43 Report

    N G
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just Lay it on the floor

    Dave Chapman
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dang, this one had me LOLy hard!

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ken yer f*cked when even the cairpet's got yer number....hahahaa

    J. Zingler
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Sorry, I can't resist: https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/CR4Rmd6eyKX_1mBccvbgUhtfLT5nN9CTrizP5dZuOmT7t6fPaAp16n_ojvBDasDOfw8PT2YKEFBOSBPtwTcJV4VJB3EzbGZi7iyE6Xsj6Bt_FyPpFrpUFyC2yc1l8PfOomJYWyEPcjctXj8UJ8dGlm9XG9mWGXdZmTk :D

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    #13

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    abigailambrose Report

    Betsy Knox
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Flip flops and thongs are interchangeable terms for the footwear in California.

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The older Cali-Spanish is flojo (pronounced flo-hoe), or lazy...so when mama wanted your flojos, we brought our lazy cousins to her, and she still got mad.

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    Missy Moo Moo
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup! And a rubber is something we use to rub out the mistake when we use a pencil

    Neva York
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I called flip flops thongs all through my childhood and I'm from California. It wasn't until I was in my 20's that it changed. I can relate.

    CrunChewy McSandybutt
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back in the 80s flip flops were called thongs. And then some dude invented the underwear.

    Sasy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    laughing so hard at this as an Aussie, not just because of the thongs thing, but because I at first though you were saying you peed on the beach and then realised you said PE and meant PE as in our school sports.

    Analyn Lahr
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I call them flip-flops. Some Americans call them thongs. I think it's a regional/age thing.

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, does that mean that we all flip-flopped on the issue?

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    Karen Johnston
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now mind you, I grew up in the 60's, from Chicago, and we called them thongs then. Imagine my confusion when someone suggested wearing them as underwear.

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    #14

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    tomhharrisonn Report

    Jill Ferguson
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The voice of my mom ringing through...

    Kesam
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know it's supposed to be a joke but it reflects how many drivers think and that is weird. A car takes up much more space than a bike. A car is much more dangerous too. And don't tell me cyclists "don't follow the rules!" Never seen a driver going over the speed limit? Or parking where they shouldn't? Driving drunk?

    Terd Fergison
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not funny at all. Cyclists in my part of the world have the right of way to take a full lane of traffic if there is no bike lane. Threatening them with injury or death is horrendous. Cyclists are at least helping the environment. F**k off to all of this evil.

    Stille20
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Easy friend, no one is actually talking about hitting them, but where I live they insist on traveling with cars, but don't follow the same rules and then it is up to the drivers to avoid homicide.

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    Jane Alexander
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I love gay guys, they're a lot of fun but driving on our little two lane highway with about a hundred of them riding two and three abreast, having a gay old time, with yards of bright colored silk flapping in the breeze for 20 miles was like trying to drive through a herd of gigantic butterflies.

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    #15

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    suzannne_x Report

    N G
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol but that's not how they fill the shelves in asda

    Rob Williams
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The flatbeds are like gold dust. I’ve restocked using trolling before now.

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    LC Greenwood
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I call that Foot in mouth disease

    Hello Dolly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lmao we call trolleys carts here so it took my brain a few mins to correctly read this. At first I was picturing a 🚃 not a 🛒 so it was even funnier.

    Up All Night
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate it when they just assume something and attack people for nothing. How much a conflict-seeker you must be?

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    #16

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Fortune_91 Report

    Viviane
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "We'll have to bill you for this."

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be a very cute delivery

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That musta been a the quackest delivery, we ordered it last night.

    Courtney LeDroit
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's no steps leading away tho... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DUCK?

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dinner's ready! We're having game fowl in orange sauce with wild rice...

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    Dave Chapman
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty sure it's not a Duck looking at those prints, but hey...it's yer story!

    N S
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Think that is some other bird.. ducks are pretty flat-footed and hardly having a stroll in the snow..

    Emperor Kitten
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey, everyone's gotta get by somehow.

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    #17

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    JStein_97 Report

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    #18

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    alixcowan Report

    Podunkus
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good karma anyway.

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it though? Donating what you thought was someone else's money... if Karma was real that's the kind of thing that would be judged and found wanting.

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    Night Owl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just pretend you meant to do that

    Allan Breum
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Karma: Ye're gonna be charitable, whether ye want to be or not!

    Morgan Rathjen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    nice thing to do anyways, even if your 20 bucks short 😂

    pusheen buttercup
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Pinch the penny till it squeals! (My memom would always say)

    Bacony
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Penny Police are here to arrest you.

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    Sabse
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Do not hate yourself. It was grear!

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    #19

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    ry_ndavies Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ryan you cannae say a*s - it's nae Scottish. You mean a**e man, a**e.

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ohgod the elevator skit flashbacks are KILLING me lol ALLAVAN! SCOOOOOTLAND! FREEEEEDOOOOOOM!!!

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    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bless her rotten little heart. heheheheh

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lesson well learnt. Do not microwave food in a broken microwave.

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What Lucas sais.........................

    Up All Night
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    5 minutes get you charcoal, not meal

    Olivier Caissy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends on the microwave, on mine 5mins is lukewarm, yes it’s old.

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    bored human
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, you blurred the wrong word

    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The word they blurred was s****y - if you click the link ry_ndavies under the post it takes you to the original.

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    #20

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    skinnyghost Report

    tuzdayschild
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one made me laugh out loud

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is the image from? I don't recall Disney princesses hosting "The View"....

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    #21

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    PaulDock93 Report

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have something like that here, on The Fishing Channel or The Hunting Channel or The NASCAR Channel...

    Stille20
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love the term "Lad". I've just learned it recently.

    Analyn Lahr
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't they try something like that on Comedy Central or something once. I believe it was called "Straight Plan for the Gay Man". I think it was cancelled fairly quickly.

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    proper Scottish wey, thats the stuff

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    There's nothing straight about a 'lad'. They are all crooked.

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    #22

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    FlannyTweets Report

    Stille20
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That being said, my boyfriend uses fruitier shampoo than I do... but he does smell terrific

    Donna Leske
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He uses it just to lure you. It's working.

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    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would love it if my hubby smelt like a fruit shop. He smells more like a fishmongers instead lol.

    Alex Bailey
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is that because of a love of fish or fishing?

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    Pirun Chitrudi amphai
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After a bath, my daughter told my husband that he smell like nuts in an old shoe and I smell like a small white flower. I totally cracked up.

    Max L.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was ready to read it ended like "..and now I look like a steam train conductor after a gallery"

    Katinka Min
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my lovers kept apologizing for likeing heavy floral scents for his shower products. Sometimes, I just feel sad for men who feel so cut off from anything nice.

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Someone has a girlfriend. La la la la la la.

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    #23

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    _taylorparr Report

    Laura Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    jeez imagine taking them off! omg no

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Single dad of 2 daughters here, I asked an elder female family member and they told me.

    Up All Night
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have heard of elder female family who was the only person with the girl when she started and she gave her socks. Nice, clean, white socks to use as pads. When the parents came back from abroad, they saw granny ironing tons of cotton socks and placing them in bags so the kid can go to school prepared.

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    Katinka Min
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The generation of the shaved genitals. Noone older than 30 would ever assume you'd stick that onto your bush.

    Stille20
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only if you are very unlucky and have it turn up a bit

    N G
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nice try to trick us ladies, but we're not going to fall for that one.

    Cassie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do they assume we don't have pubes, too? How do they figure it sticks with hair there?

    Jacky Turner
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eyes are watering just at the thought!

    Pusfarm
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you thought removing a bandage was painful!

    Vicky Zar
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thanks for showing me what to teach my son. Although, he should know it by now, as he has seen me use them a number of times now. Thank god we are not prude here

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    #24

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    ruth_allenx Report

    Becca Gizmo the Squirrel
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every time I go to run the dishwasher my husband insists on jumping in the shower and turns off the dishwasher. Then later I go to unload it and it isn't clean. Well it happens at least once a week anyway.

    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You could flush the commode.........................

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    I love Hermione
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's like...your family member goes in. You: NO! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT TO GO IN! GET OUT! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

    XxInstantKarmaxX
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    I hate it so much its awful

    Katie the Anime Ghost
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then the person uses all the hot water...RIP

    Liam Walsh
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry - what does it trigger? 😕

    Catlady6000
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The suddenly now INTENSE NEED for a shower

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    #25

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    louiscook1996 Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's polis and dug and yes, yes they do.

    Hunter Bradley
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what about polis dugs seeing army dug do the salute them?

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    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    another one for a dose ay shrooms and a bit ay dog psychology methinks

    Paige
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s something to think about..

    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not unless they're guilty of something.

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    #26

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    sophieinnes_ Report

    Halee Brady
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That dog looks like hes having a good time.

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's been reported the dog was then heard saying afterwards that he didn't know women were more fun than the bitches in his life.

    Charlotte
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Snoop hangin' with his bitches

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's no orinary dog, I recognise that swagger! That's SNOOP!!

    David Martin
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Judging by the size of that tail between his legs, I can see how he snagged those four women

    Courtney LeDroit
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it just me or does the chick second from the left look possessed?

    Becca Gizmo the Squirrel
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What are those bubble gum pink drinks? I would call them bubble gum rum.

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    #27

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Foley_Me Report

    Claire Ellingford
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can't stop laughing ....!! Wish you Scots would visit Australia more; I'd pay good money to see some of you in a comedy show! That put a big smile on my face to start the day thanks!

    Donna Leske
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Australians are pretty freakin' funny too. In fact they don't need an act or a script, I just make up excuses to talk to one just to listen to them reply. When I run short on conversation I get more honest and say "just tell me anything, just talk." Funny, I haven't been slapped yet.

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    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Absolutely pishin masel laffin here, great.......................

    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Front garden that everyone sees - back garden might be a horror!!

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    #28

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    _DanParis Report

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Part of me is worried this is a metaphor involving a straightening iron.

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    #29

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    DylanRamage1 Report

    Ali Ball
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True story. At the grocery store a guy in head-to-toe cammo is queuing in the checkout line. I gently bump him with my cart, and say “Sorry I didn’t see you there!”

    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then I'd get tickled all through the day every time I think about it.

    ADHD
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    HA, so its no jist me then

    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THANK YOU A HUNDRED TIMES. You're the man! I would be laughing so hard I would get tears in my eyes.

    Alex K
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    what the hell's a heed?

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    #30

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Ellis1996_ Report

    EM J
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why even "open" it?

    Emperor Kitten
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It prob doesn't stay closed. What would it latch to?

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    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hoose full ay bams..............................

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not to mention six years rent in tats on your arms alone.

    Bindi Adams
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After more than a month off crook, getting a bellyache laughing...cheers!

    Sarah Stalder
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are his arms so skinny? Like weirdly so.

    Max L.
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you spend five grands on tatoos but then you have to photoshop your tshirt logo

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    #31

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    montyyyy17 Report

    Meyer Weinstock
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shoegaze acts thinking that they're rock gods...

    Emperor Kitten
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ARE YOU READY!? *Lone voice from the back* "hang on a sec"

    ChickyChicky
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or "How are you all doing tonight?" One day, everyone should say "fine."

    #32

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    niamhcollins31 Report

    ezPZ
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    @M O'Connell It certainly felt that way :D

    M O'Connell
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Because the "Vodka" you were drinking when you were 15/16 was much more water than booze.

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    #34

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    lewisTVAOF Report

    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm so glad I don't live on pizza avenue

    La Petite Morte
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Try getting your cable and internet set up when you've moved into a cottage in a cemetary. On Halloween. After the 4th call I told them to look for the very angry blue-haired chick on crutches on the corner. Ordering take-out was usually fun, as well.

    Archie McHeid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hahaaaaa ah kin jist imagine them answering the phone at the shop, "aye right mate, away in the corner and fling shite at yersel"

    Elaine Mattingly
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My blood sugar is dropping DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP

    #35

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    _marcjohnston7 Report

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ma..... ARGE. Marge Simpson. Mom? Goodness you nearly gave me a heart attack mom.

    Courtney LeDroit
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He walked in on his parents role playing.

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pleeeeeeease tell me your husband is called Malcolm?! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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    #36

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    BigLez67 Report

    Stille20
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, do what makes you happy... but I am silently judging.

    Christina Smith
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    P͟͟R͟͟E͟͟A͟͟C͟͟H͟͟!!!!!!

    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Umm you kinda did. The war is “supposedly” about peoples freedoms and as annoying tiktok is, it is a persons freedom to choose to do it.

    Katinka Min
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, you won 'the war' (alone, of course) to keep bragging about it for the next 200 years. Cue: *Continental Europe does eyeroll*

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh yeah? What was the consensus then?

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    #37

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    josh_smithh1 Report

    Si
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    Si
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #38

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Kasper_Shank Report

    Jill Ferguson
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    zero idea what that post said. Need a translation.

    Jeny Kennedy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They just published a "rewrite" of Matilda by Roald Dahl called Matilda In Scots. The entire thing is like this. And amazing.

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    #39

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    JosephObrien21 Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Many people used to sign for things with a big X - you can sign how you like. As long as you recognise it - should it be necessary.

    bored human
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think there was a post on boredpanda a while ago about how some guy had made his signature three smiling cats.

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    Isabel Kato
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good lord! I am sooooo boring!!!

    AliJanx
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ummmm, why is a ragin boa by?

    Alex Bailey
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you mean what? Scots for s*****g, w***y, k**b, d**k...

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    #40

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    stephenadamm Report

    N G
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eyy and robbie be twice as clever as Nicola Sturgeon is.

    Paige
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is great!!😂🤦‍♀️

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    #44

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    brianmcguire95 Report

    Xandra
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom used the poop emoji thinking it was a "chocolate cake". And put the salivating one next to it...

    Katie Allen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    remind me not to have dessert at your mom's

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    Lynda Momalo
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Although I consider myself fairly tech savvy, now that I'm a grandmother, I absolutely refuse to use emojis because I don't want to accidentally use something that has a completely different meaning, the way eggplants and peaches do. No one wants to think of their grandmother that way!

    M O'Connell
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because old folks think it looks like crying.

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    #45

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    CaseyBlackett1 Report

    I love Hermione
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need to try that! Our remote doesn't work...

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    #47

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Caitzooo Report

    Carrie de Luka
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always find it interesting that facts have a shelf life - something like (from memory so stats may be woefully inaccurate) 50% of what you think are facts now will no longer be facts in 10 years time or something. We learn stuff.

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    #48

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Ryanp0rteous_ Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Common problem. Not helped by them doing it wrong on the telly all the time. Watch House. He uses the wrong hand practically all the time (I think one episode it's pointed out by a physio...).

    Katie Allen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hugh Laurie can use whatever hand he wants

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    #52

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    dov97 Report

    SeamusRGN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    cos sean is an irish name and is spelled séan the accent on the e makes it fada(or long)

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not heard it pronounced Shon either! Though you should have heard my father in law referring to Sean Bean as Seen Bean. 🙄

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    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bored Panda: Asking the big questions since 2009 lol

    cassiushumanmother
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    It's just because a man called Jovi forbid it a long time ago. He didn't want to be rename Bean Jovi in scotland.

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    #53

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    cxitlan Report

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    #54

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    TeiganMair Report

    Kate Yeti
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel ya there, sis!! Luckily, I found a man that swaggered out of my kitchen in a full pirate costume, grabbed me by the waist, dipped me down and said in his best pirate voice, "Arrr, I'm ready to give up the sea, me love! Will ya marry me?" Find you one of those!! 🥰

    Jayne Kyra
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is one of the most romantic things I have ever read.

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    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he loves you he'll take you and your double chins love. There's no turning it off once the love switch is on..

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just looked her up, and that's total nonsense. She's orange as trump, but about as curvy as a vacuumpacked stack of coathangers.

    #55

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    nizzyy_ Report

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dentures lie over the ocean, my dentures lie over the sea xD

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    #56

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Daniel__Leonard Report

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you can accelerate and brake at the same time it's probably not going to go well...

    Monika Soffronow
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once upon a time had an old car that had a wee little problem, the engine would die when I made a turn to the left at low speed. No mechanic could find what caused this and there was a very simple remedy for it: to accelerate and brake at the same time! While turning. There were several times when some friend wanted to borrow my car that I said "Yes, but on one condition. Take it around the block first." Four left turns later and they no longer wanted it!

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    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did the same exact thing. Was trying to learn how to skid into a curve and almost chipped a tooth or two. Very strange how heavy the left foot on the brake is. I guess it is because of all the clutching

    Roslyn Madrid
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was learning to drive, using 'standard' transmission, they said I should use my right foot only to accelerate. My left should manage both the clutch and the brake.

    Dilly Millandry
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, but whoever was teaching you that??? It is always the right foot for braking for good reason. Emergency stops require the left foot to press the clutch as you brake for just one example.

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    DC
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Just practice and it will work. When I had to drive AT, I always did twofooted, always went well. You don't lose the half second for switching pedals then. Safer if you're n training.

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Friend is a rally driver - he said that the only benefit to left foot braking is so that you don’t have to stop accelerating to brake at the same time. A particular technique. You don’t want to be doing that on a normal road. If you think you are saving time by using the left foot you must be riding the brake - a bad habit for fuel economy and also for the poor road users behind you who will often see your brake lights flashing. Your foot should not be on or over the pedal but in a resting position. So if you use your right foot to move to the brake or your left foot to move to the brake - there is little to no real time saved.

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    #57

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    PaulSlaven7 Report

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    #58

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    anna_leighton Report

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "They think 2 of the daughters are actually me with and without make up" - that doesn't mean what you think it does.

    Troux
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it means she's putting it on too thick?

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    La Petite Morte
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've actually had this happen. Neighbors of mine thought I was 3 sisters because they'd seen me dressed up in office gear to go to work, dressed in mangy shorts and a tank top to do house cleaning and gardening, and dressed up in full clubGoth gear to go out dancing on weekends. It was hilarious when they finally realized it was all just me.

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeeeah that's a subtle hint you may want to use less makeup.

    Harley Hans Hoglin
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Without she looks about as young as her daughter. So she likes that they think she looks like a teenager without, but sad that she has to have it to look like an adult.

    Munhu Afro
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Means she looks beautiful with, and beautiful without, just differently.

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    #59

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    jay_0382 Report

    M O'Connell
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is that a lunch hamster, or a dinner hamster? Does it come with a beverage?

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This feels like a monty python sketch setup

    #60

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    ellisdonald_ Report

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You really should bring that chinese family back their baby, you can't just take it with you after it fixes your iphone.

    #61

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    connorbrennan_ Report

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    #62

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    chibbed Report

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    #63

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Nicolebairdd_X Report

    TheReader19
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ain't cheap to die either 😤

    #64

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    katmcgoldrick Report

    #65

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    currie_max Report

    Stille20
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LOL! I have to read these slowly to totally get them, but that one was worth it. Like a Scottish flavored dad joke

    Mme de Poppadom
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly: if you do an accent in your head and get the right intonation, youse can ken ae.

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    #68

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    bensuffdonk Report

    Thomas Ewing
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think they meant to say 28 days! lol

    I'm A Lazy Panda
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    ...or they were on a plane when this registered.

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    #69

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    CallumStewart93 Report

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I expect he got sent there... to be fair it is a very weird aisle.

    Ceredwyn Ealanta
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Would you like a $700 silver flute and a pair of decorative chickens?

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    #71

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    MegaHeid Report

    #72

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    montyyyy17 Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Chippies were banned at an office I worked in... think it was because they just smelled too good.

    Loki’s Lil Butter Knife
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a true travesty. Personally, I think that the scent of chips smothered in curry sauce would help boost office moral.

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    Maiun
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had someone at work that used to heat up some weird sardines and pasta concoction for lunch, oh my god did it stink!

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ohhhh I used to love those. It's an italian delicacy. Putting that in a microwave is on par with putting your poodle in there to dry its fur, but fresh it is absolutely to DIEEEE for

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    #73

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    darrencoyle92 Report

    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That may be owing to the fact that dogs and seals are close relatives.

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember learning about that and having a BSOD in my head over the word Sealion.

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    #75

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Y2SHAF Report

    PotatoNinja5000
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a bit worried. The Harry Potter fandom hasn't found this entry yet. Hope they're okay.

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here's hoping they're all nice and safe at Wizarding World. Though did I hear that we're all supposed to be angry with JK Rowling now? I've been poorly so missed or maybe hallucinated the news!

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    Katie Allen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Harry Potter and the Angry Inch

    #76

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    AdamHenry9 Report

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can imagine... bit of a d**k move, Adam.

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    #78

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    kylemcgrath94 Report

    Astrid Nineor
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Would that even work? (Be accepted) ? Seems unlikely nowdays

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg this is PRICELESS

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    #79

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Megan_Howatx Report

    SomeNorthernLass
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ever get really angry or cheeky because you're starving but you don't realise until after you've ate. Like sorry, your mum isn't fat.

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    #80

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    stevencarr123 Report

    Nicky OldfieldDesciple
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least he bought her a card. I had to remind my dad when it was my mother's birthday and buy her card and present for him with the €20 he gave me for them EVERY YEAR. If it went over the €20 had to pay the balance despite him having a well aid job and I was on the dole.

    #81

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    lewisbirch98 Report

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    #83

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    JamesKan_ Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's from wean which comes from weaning as you would a baby.

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    #84

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    MRNCFC Report

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    #86

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Evin_Stafford Report

    Jess-a-men
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's that thing she's holding? It looks like she's breastfeeding a hedgehog!

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg he's yellin in her ear so loud her HEAD is coming apart down the middle

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    #87

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    ezzzzzzx Report

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This made fuckaw sense and didnae look scottish

    #88

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    lukemorton5 Report

    #89

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    GibbsWilliam Report

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    #90

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Peng__Cunt Report

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hah - Bored Panda you missed one. Though trying to hide all the bad language in a Scottish based post is quite a task. I hadn't realised that it was entirely my Scottish side that was responsible for all my swearing!

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to ask, even though you've indicated it's naughty... what does "jrkfkxknkrndbhxuxhdbf" actually mean?

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    #91

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    RyanSkedd7 Report

    ezPZ
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just move to the other country. 100 000 pounds it's like a flat in minor city in Poland and like 14 years worth of salary

    Harley Hans Hoglin
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's something like better than $200,000 American most days. Most need artificial feet if you need that much to get back on them.

    #92

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Goudie15 Report

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah-ah - not fair. Watched and learned from all the footballers diving and rolling around in 'agony'.

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To market to market with my brother Jim. Somebody threw a tomato at him. Tomatoes are soft and they don't hurt the skin... But this one did : it was still in the tin!

    #93

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    JakeMcClean8 Report

    Astrid Nineor
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Warning folks, paracetamol. IS dangeroous. Seriously, you can OD on it (probably not from, say, three, but it does cause damage with prolonged use.

    Nothanks L. Walk
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    in dosages heavy enough to put you on a no-fly list, that is.

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    #94

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    McneilAlexander Report

    Chris Jones
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎶 That'll be the lack of crashes which are caused by car eyelashes!! 🎶

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    #95

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    ScotRail Report

    #96

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    MitchHastings_ Report

    #97

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    Tantzz_1st Report

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    #99

    Best-Scottish-Tweets

    lucy_byrneX Report