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Man Who Lost His Wife To His Best Man Thinks History Might Be Repeating Itself
Renowned poet William Blake once said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” Especially when something as profound as betrayal is involved, any form of reconciliation would be out of the question.
A man knew this feeling all too well when his best friend stole his wife from him. As he was about to pick himself up, the person whom he had as the best man at his wedding tried to pull the same treacherous stunt with his current girlfriend.
Worse, the messy situation has left their friend group in shambles as the author tries to figure out what to do next.
RELATED:
Betrayal is a surefire way to ruin a long-term friendship
Image credits: paegagz (not the actual photo)
A man had his marriage ruined after his best friend stole his wife
Image credits: monkeybusiness (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, Judas is trying to do the same thing with the author’s current girlfriend
Image credits: doctor_anonymous_15
Betrayal affects the brain and body significantly in multiple ways
The author experienced betrayal twice from the same person — someone he once referred to as his best friend, no less. Apart from the trauma he went through, his brain likely suffered from the same psychological injury.
Relationship psychologist and author Dr. Kathy Nickerson detailed what happens to the brain in an article on her website, beginning by explaining how the threat system activates. It then triggers the fight/flight/freeze response, causing a spike in heart rate, tensed muscles, and rapid breathing.
“People often describe feeling shaky, numb, panicked, or like the ground has been ripped out from under them,” Dr. Nickerson wrote, comparing the trauma response to being in a car accident.
Dr. Nickerson further noted that the hippocampus — a.k.a. the region of the brain responsible for memory and learning — goes into overdrive. It records every detail of the betrayal, leading to intrusive memories that reactivate whenever specific cues appear.
She adds that the hippocampus “struggles to timestamp” such awful memories as a thing of the past, which deceives the person into feeling like the traumatic event is currently happening.
The compounding effect of betrayal manifests in PTSD-like symptoms, which Dr. Nickerson says emerge over time.
“Our research on over 3,000 betrayed partners found that 94% reported post-infidelity stress disorder symptoms,” she added.
Reconciliation between friends after a betrayal can only happen through genuine forgiveness. As licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Patricia Dixon tells Verywell Mind, it involves clearly communicating expectations for the friendship moving forward. The goal is to establish a “foundation of trust and respect.”
However, the author experienced betrayal from the same person twice. Not only did it ruin his marriage, but it may also have caused some trust issues. Moving away from the friend group and distancing himself from Phoebe may be the best option for him, for his own sake.
Image credits: rawpixel (not the actual photo)
Commenters had mixed reactions to the story
Image credits: simonapilolla (not the actual photo)
The author shared a lengthy update to the story
Image credits: NomadSoul1 (not the actual photo)
Despite clearing things up with Phoebe, his feelings remain unsettled
Image credits: doctor_anonymous_15
Readers were more forward with their reactions to the update
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What do you think ?
Gebidozo 1 month ago
I can’t stand it when people say “someone stole my wife / husband”. Those people weren’t kidnapped at gunpoint, they willingly chose to get together. The OP piles up all the blame on “Judas” instead of asking himself why he keeps clinging to another woman who clearly has feelings for that guy. Just break up with her and start dating normal women outside of that strange toxic circle.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 month ago
He definitely neglected her, and he can’t even see that wanting to spend all his weekends with his friends, “but Leah was there too” is not the same as one on one quality time with your partner. But I don’t really believe it. As a veteran, you find some of your best friends through training and military life, there’s no way you’d keep all those friends back home if they’re causing that much drama and issues. Even though a lot of military friendships are transient, you normally still find a bunch of good ones.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Don't propose if you can't even bring up insecurities. Don't get married if getting in touch with someone from the past is enough to shake your relationship. The world will serve a lot worse in the future and a marriage won't survive in a healthy way if little things make you question the marriage.
JL 1 month ago
Judas isn't man of the year, but what did he really do? Slept with Phoebe AFTER the wedding was DOA from Andrew cheating. Then sleeping with Leah AFTER OP's marriage was done except for the official divorce. Then had one chat with Phoebe because she was lonely since OP was never around. Don't pin the villain tag solely on Judas, all these people seem miserable.
Elio 1 month ago
^This. I don't really see how OP was different from Judas when it came to Phoebe. Judas slept with Phoebe after her marriage to Andrew was not happening because Andrew cheating. OP says Judas is the bad guy and the worst best man but then OP ending up dating Phoebe after she and Judas broke up and was planning to propose to her. Maybe one reason Judas and Andrew are still friends isn't just because they're cousins but Andrew realized Judas didn't do anything wrong (even if it was a bit awkward). I am more sympathetic to OP being mad about Judas hooking up with Leah, especially since it sounds like he moved into OP's house maybe, but Judas didn't cause the end of the that marriage. OP and Leah were separated and OP lacks the self-awareness to realize that hanging with the incestuous friend group but his wife Leah was there so he wasn't completely neglecting her is bs.
Load More Replies...
Jeremy James 1 month ago
I'm just a holy fool, oh, baby, it′s so cruel, but I′m still in love with Judas, baby! 🎶
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
OP seems to be pretty bad at relationships. Doesn't mean Phoebe isn't the AH but OP seems to be making the same mistakes or have the same issues with relationships. Judas shouldnt be the s*****g he is though.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
If you're so close to all your pals, why not discuss this with them? No mention of their reaction or anyone from the base. Reads more like an early pitch for an Army Wives soap than a real situation.
K Barnes 1 month ago
I occasionally hung out with a friend group like this in my 20s. I have completely distanced myself from all but one of them because they never grew up. I hear from that one that they're still as messy as ever at almost 40 and am so glad I'm not a part of any of that. This guy needs to make new friends. Yes, it's hard after 30, but better than messy drama with 35 year old children.
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
Jeez, I've got an idea.... Let's end one relationship before starting anything else.... Not cool and not healthy
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
This is like my (probably now ex-) friend who keeps insisting the a*****e guy she keeps getting with, she won't EVER EVER EVER again... and then radio silence. Her ex-husband is a good friend of mine who told me this weekend that she is back with him. She has an ultimatum - the a****r or the friend who has stuck with her through the b******t and told him to f**k off out of her life. I guess she did not choose wisely and has gone NC out of guilt. I'm giving her a chance to tell me, but there is a deadline of one more week before I force it out o f her and walk away, Sorry - there is nobody else I can rant to about this.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Holy hell lmao ,this story makes those freaking Kardashian’s look NORMAL !! and that is saying something ffs !! DUMP THEM WIFE SWAPPING IDIOTS , MOVE CLOSE TO THE BASE ! Start fresh . Home every night , DO NOT QUIT A JOB U LOVE !! being in the army is a calling ,a good profession , civvy street isn’t all it’s c*****d up to be either !! I’m in uk , n loads of vets are unemployed and living rough in London etc , the only reason your allowing the job to destroy your relationships is cos u only wanna see your mates at weekend , you should want to be with your partner , maybe a sat night out with mates but rest just u n partner , now that’s how it’s done !! Can we have an update plz ,
Sea Squirrel 1 month ago
There are Judases everywhere. They only become a problem if your girlfriend doesn't take your relationship seriously.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 month ago
Sorry OP, but I think it's high time you emotionally crucify this blasphemous bunch and move on with your life, preferably somewhere else. You can't trust the Judas with any of your better halves (not that any of them were that trustworthy anyway) so don't make this your cross to bear. Leave all of this behind and cut them out of your life and hopefully you'll find other blessings where the road take you... -_-"
Gebidozo 1 month ago
I can’t stand it when people say “someone stole my wife / husband”. Those people weren’t kidnapped at gunpoint, they willingly chose to get together. The OP piles up all the blame on “Judas” instead of asking himself why he keeps clinging to another woman who clearly has feelings for that guy. Just break up with her and start dating normal women outside of that strange toxic circle.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 month ago
He definitely neglected her, and he can’t even see that wanting to spend all his weekends with his friends, “but Leah was there too” is not the same as one on one quality time with your partner. But I don’t really believe it. As a veteran, you find some of your best friends through training and military life, there’s no way you’d keep all those friends back home if they’re causing that much drama and issues. Even though a lot of military friendships are transient, you normally still find a bunch of good ones.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Don't propose if you can't even bring up insecurities. Don't get married if getting in touch with someone from the past is enough to shake your relationship. The world will serve a lot worse in the future and a marriage won't survive in a healthy way if little things make you question the marriage.
JL 1 month ago
Judas isn't man of the year, but what did he really do? Slept with Phoebe AFTER the wedding was DOA from Andrew cheating. Then sleeping with Leah AFTER OP's marriage was done except for the official divorce. Then had one chat with Phoebe because she was lonely since OP was never around. Don't pin the villain tag solely on Judas, all these people seem miserable.
Elio 1 month ago
^This. I don't really see how OP was different from Judas when it came to Phoebe. Judas slept with Phoebe after her marriage to Andrew was not happening because Andrew cheating. OP says Judas is the bad guy and the worst best man but then OP ending up dating Phoebe after she and Judas broke up and was planning to propose to her. Maybe one reason Judas and Andrew are still friends isn't just because they're cousins but Andrew realized Judas didn't do anything wrong (even if it was a bit awkward). I am more sympathetic to OP being mad about Judas hooking up with Leah, especially since it sounds like he moved into OP's house maybe, but Judas didn't cause the end of the that marriage. OP and Leah were separated and OP lacks the self-awareness to realize that hanging with the incestuous friend group but his wife Leah was there so he wasn't completely neglecting her is bs.
Load More Replies... Jeremy James 1 month ago
I'm just a holy fool, oh, baby, it′s so cruel, but I′m still in love with Judas, baby! 🎶
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
OP seems to be pretty bad at relationships. Doesn't mean Phoebe isn't the AH but OP seems to be making the same mistakes or have the same issues with relationships. Judas shouldnt be the s*****g he is though.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
If you're so close to all your pals, why not discuss this with them? No mention of their reaction or anyone from the base. Reads more like an early pitch for an Army Wives soap than a real situation.
K Barnes 1 month ago
I occasionally hung out with a friend group like this in my 20s. I have completely distanced myself from all but one of them because they never grew up. I hear from that one that they're still as messy as ever at almost 40 and am so glad I'm not a part of any of that. This guy needs to make new friends. Yes, it's hard after 30, but better than messy drama with 35 year old children.
Nichole Harris 1 month ago
Jeez, I've got an idea.... Let's end one relationship before starting anything else.... Not cool and not healthy
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
This is like my (probably now ex-) friend who keeps insisting the a*****e guy she keeps getting with, she won't EVER EVER EVER again... and then radio silence. Her ex-husband is a good friend of mine who told me this weekend that she is back with him. She has an ultimatum - the a****r or the friend who has stuck with her through the b******t and told him to f**k off out of her life. I guess she did not choose wisely and has gone NC out of guilt. I'm giving her a chance to tell me, but there is a deadline of one more week before I force it out o f her and walk away, Sorry - there is nobody else I can rant to about this.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Holy hell lmao ,this story makes those freaking Kardashian’s look NORMAL !! and that is saying something ffs !! DUMP THEM WIFE SWAPPING IDIOTS , MOVE CLOSE TO THE BASE ! Start fresh . Home every night , DO NOT QUIT A JOB U LOVE !! being in the army is a calling ,a good profession , civvy street isn’t all it’s c*****d up to be either !! I’m in uk , n loads of vets are unemployed and living rough in London etc , the only reason your allowing the job to destroy your relationships is cos u only wanna see your mates at weekend , you should want to be with your partner , maybe a sat night out with mates but rest just u n partner , now that’s how it’s done !! Can we have an update plz ,
Sea Squirrel 1 month ago
There are Judases everywhere. They only become a problem if your girlfriend doesn't take your relationship seriously.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 month ago
Sorry OP, but I think it's high time you emotionally crucify this blasphemous bunch and move on with your life, preferably somewhere else. You can't trust the Judas with any of your better halves (not that any of them were that trustworthy anyway) so don't make this your cross to bear. Leave all of this behind and cut them out of your life and hopefully you'll find other blessings where the road take you... -_-"
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