Adulting is hard and we sometimes (read: very often) wish we were cats. We wouldn’t have to worry about paying rent, breaking our backs at work, making dinner every night, the horrors of inflation, and the looming financial Apocalypse. Even if cathood is off the table, we’d love to be kids again and enjoy life without worrying about every tiny little thing. Unfortunately, you can’t turn back the clock to a simpler time in our lives.
Being responsible for yourself and for others can be overwhelming. And redditors opened up about the things they dislike the most about adult life in a very candid thread on r/AskReddit, started up by u/RowBowBooty.
From major financial pressures and never having enough time for leisure to something as simple as figuring out what to eat for every gosh-darned meal for the rest of your life, adults have it hard. Scroll down for the biggest adulthood challenges, as shared by these redditors. Once you’re done upvoting the posts that you agree with the most, drop by the comment section and tell us about what you absolutely loathe about being a grown-up, dear Pandas.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the thread, redditor u/RowBowBooty, to get their perspective about adulthood and its challenges. He was kind enough to answer all of our questions. "It’s not always a bad thing to be an adult and responsible, but it’s just not what I imagined as a kid and wanted to know how others feel about adulthood. I wanted to commiserate with those who were somewhat frustrated with adulthood like I was." You'll find our full candid interview with the author of the thread below.
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Figuring out what to make/eat for dinner every day of your life
Redditor u/RowBowBooty was very honest about the inspiration behind the question on r/AskReddit. "I asked the question because the older I get, the more I realize that adulthood is not what I imagined it would be. Sure, as an adult you have to work hard, but as a kid, I was always a hard worker. What I wasn’t prepared for was the heavy weight of responsibility for yourself and your family," he told Bored Panda.
"I’m only 24, but I’m married and we are planning a family. My wife has been having medical issues and can’t work. Now I’m responsible for my family’s well-being. I have to worry about getting good health insurance, paying bills and putting food on the table, even little things like doing our taxes right add to the pressure," the redditor explained that all of this responsibility can sometimes feel utterly overwhelming. And that was what prompted him to turn to Reddit to get other people's perspectives.
Having the knowledge, but not the time, energy or enthusiasm to learn all the cool stuff you always wanted to know how to do as a kid.
Chores… they take up so much time if you don’t want to live like your in a pig pen.
"As a kid, I had to work hard but at the end of the day getting food and housing and taking care of us weren’t my responsibility," the redditor explained that hard work as a kid and an adult are two vastly different things. However, the author of the thread doesn't believe that he'd give up adulthood to be a kid again.
"Even though adulthood is tough, I don’t think, given the choice, that I would ever choose to go back to being a kid again. The people I have met and now love and the sometimes painful lessons I have learned are not things I would ever want to give up," he said that he wouldn't want to let go of all the important connections and experiences.
Knowing the fact that one day, you won't have your parents to help you anymore, you could easily wind up broke and homeless and you're nearing closer and closer to your own death.
I think the toughest part is realising that Life can be absolutely f*cking brutal for no reason and out of nowhere. I think many of us were raised to believe that if we did things a certain way or achieved certain things that we’d have a level of protection against the worst life can throw. Like, working hard or getting a decent job or finding a good partner. And the next thing you know, boom, you’re in an accident and bed ridden for months. Or boom, someone you love gets a terrible addiction. Or boom, miscarriage. Boom, fire. And the older I get the more I see it happen to others too - no one is exempt. I was lucky my first “boom” happened fairly early so I’m a little more resilient now (though f*cking tired). My sister had her first big “boom” in her late 30s and it almost destroyed her. I think she thought she had life figured, and suddenly her world got flip turned upside down. It’s brutal and no one escapes, I don’t think. Maybe solitary Buddhist monks.
Dealing with other emotionally incompetent adults just pisses me off.. like seriously my kids are more mature than some of my colleagues..
"Sometimes, I wish I could say things to my past self, teach him things I wish I had known and tell him to do things I wish I had done, but I wouldn’t go back. Even though adulthood is tough sometimes, and responsibility and worry increase, it comes with a deeper understanding of life and, ideally, greater satisfaction. Sacrificing certain things is hard, but I think it also gives life more meaning."
Some of the biggest problems that come with being a grown-up include a lack of energy and time to pursue the things that make life worth living. No matter if you’re sitting in front of a computer screen in your tiny cubicle/open-plan office or lifting crates at a warehouse all day, you might come back home 50 different shades of exhausted.
According to financial expert and author Sam Dogen, the founder of Financial Samurai, it’s important to work smart, not just hard. He explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview that the people who tend to brag about working overtime tend to want validation.
“Working long after your colleagues are gone means nobody will see your hard work. Hence, you need to tell people about it because the results often take time to manifest. The irony is, if you have great results, there’s no need to tell anybody how hard you work,” Sam said.
Like…the kitchen is just always dirty. I clean and clean and I look up and the sink is full of dishes again. It never ends.
Money. Money sucks and I hate having to worry about it all the time.
Feeling pressured to have sex.
I’m a virgin, not because of any religious/moral beliefs but because I simply haven’t found the time and the right person to do it with. I don’t want to do something so intimate with someone if I can’t trust them and/or connect with them. Society’s way of talking about sex and including sex in media so often makes me (21 F) feel unnecessarily ashamed for not having done it yet. I have been shamed at by men for saying “No” to their offers, and their “small” gestures to lure me in don’t help either.
Don't feel ashamed :) an experience having sex when you don't want to or just to get it out of the way isn't the same as one you're happier with. Unhappy sex is not worth having and good sex is worth waiting for.
Having sex isn't something we are supposed to do FOR someone else, it's for US. if you ain feelin it, there is no need to proceed.
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I mentioned this on Reddit the other day, about how I planned to wait for marriage, and I got replies saying not to and that it'll leave me wondering, basically just saying being a virgin until marriage or until you're ready is a bad thing. It's ridiculous to shame someone for that.
I waited for religious reasons. Then I lost the religion and realized that I'd passed up on great life experiences for something that I no longer found important. It's not so much what you do or don't do, but WHY you do or don't do it. As long as you're okay with yourself and your own decisions, then there's no shame in it either way. It comes down to respecting yourself first.
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She feels unnecessarily ashamed for being a virgin at 21. She should only feel my pain at 25.. 😅🤣 In a twist now I feel even worse for Christ's sake! 🤦🏻♂️
F those men. They're thinking of themselves, not you. Your body, your life and your timeline. Screw then.
No, don't screw them! Sorry...the smartass in me just came out
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35 and still going strong. Being asexual probably has something to do with it, along with an extreme aversion to having kids (never wanted kids, never will, and the best way to not have any is to not do the thing that causes them). Society can go screw itself if it can't handle that there are plenty of us who aren't controlled by our groins.
Oh God, this!! And the longer you wait, the weirder it feels and harder it is to do! I was almost 31 by the time I finally lost the V card.
But didn't you wish you played around a little bit more? Have more time for that?
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I am 55 and married and I feel that way. I don't want to see people doing more than affectionate kisses in media - Sex i shouldn't be just an itch scratched agsinst the nearest tree for all to see. People wonder why humans are so disconnected, lonely, catfished, stalked & abused - because even though sex is a primary drive of life, it is attached to a PERSON, who should be treated with value, respect. Sex is a gift, and you value yourself enough to give it like the fantastic irresistable treasure it is and everyone wants - to those deserving of it who'vd proven themselves worthy of it through attention, committment & trust. Remember, the m9re desperate people are for something, the more it must be of value. Treat it, and yourself, that way.
Feel the same way. You don't see people go to the toilet, take a dump and whipe their asses, right? So I do not want to see other people doing other private things.
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I'm 42 and never really felt the urge that I should go and have sex with someone. I might be asexual, or close to it, not sure.
Sex with caring (if not love) and trust, the best! Sex by peer pressure, sucks, don't.
I waited until I got married. I couldn't afford the risks before then.
March to the beat of your own drum honey and do things in your own time. Never let society pressure you into anything. Especially not sex. Take it from a 37 year old virgin. And you can still explore that side of yourself by yourself if you so wish. ;)
My brother was a virgin until he married in his late 30s. Me, on the other hand, got cracking early and didn't let up til I hit menopause. And now I wish I never had to have sex again!
I was 31. I regret nothing. I wish I had found him sooner, yes, but I never done anything I regretted with people who didn't feel right.
True. During the introduction week in university, we were put into groups with one elder student, who had to show us the city. I already lived there and had my friends, so to me it was just a way to get to know new people. At the end of the week, the elder student slept with all the first year girls in our group, except for me and the girl that stayed with me that week. He was pretty pissed off (I'm sure he had a bet going on with his friends, and lost because of us). I saw him a year later in a pub and he yelled out loud in front of his friends: "Oh, I know you, we f*cked!" and I'm like "Yeah, in your dreams". So he started to say he now remembers me, the b*tch acting like a nun ... His friends were so embarrassed. So yes, choose your partners wisely. Better to be shamed by men than be ashamed of yourself for having spent time with an a*****e like that.
Don’t worry! You are so young and the time will eventually arrive.
It is also possible that sex is never in the cards for you because you are ace. Never think you are broken just because you aren't having sex or have no interest in it.
Don't have to be a virgin to experience pressure to have sex. This will be a lifelong struggle from the moment you have a relationship when you are an adult. As soon as you have a relationship, it feels like your body does not belong to you anymore. It is like you are not loveable if you do not lend your body to their pleasures. Try to find a partner who does not have sex on the "top 3 important things in a relationship-list". One in a thousand maybe. Right now, you are still a virgin so you have an "excuse". As soon as you lose it, every relationship demands it. So, enjoy your virginity as long as you still have it, because after that, you will be unwrittenly mandated.
Welcome to the asexual struggle. I am repulsed by the mere idea of sex, and hooooo boy does it make the world and utter PAIN to live in. I can't even use terms like lover, or sleep together, because everyone means sex. I want to be my boyfriend's lover. I want to sleep with them, but I don't want to have SEX
Those kind of 'men' are immature suck wads and aren't worth your time. I didn't have sex until nearly 35 (VERY religious upbringing) so trust me when I say I know exactly where you're coming from! On the other hand, I've met many a fine gentlemen BUT they were already taken or way out of my age group 😅 *edited for spelling
Stick to your morals. Any man who does this only sees you as a vagina to stick his d!ck into.
Men are like that with any of us that does give up sex right away. So don't take it too personally. Stand strong!
Girl if there is one thing I've learned through this s**t show called life is do you, and if people have the time to comment on what you are doing well they've got far to much time on there hands and probably are commenting to make themselves feel better because they didn't do exactly what you are doing, in this day and age sex is just thrown around I wouldn't sleep with someone I didn't trust I didn't no or feel comfortable with and I'm not a virgin I've just got morals and if you want to receive the most intimate thing I have my body then it's going to be because I'm ready to give it fully and willingly not because you've nagged me and brought roses. Do you, and only you no one else got to live your life so they shouldn't blooming comment negatively on it.
Don't feel shamed because of other people's pettiness or the media's over sexualization everything. My youngest daughter (24) doesn't want to waste her time w/ a one night stand. My middle daughter refused to be pressured by guys wanting sex. She was taunted in high school for not having sex w/ her boyfriend. She waited for the right guy, and he finally came along her last yr of college, and is now her husband. Don't lower your standards to just be somebody's "piece of @$$."
Even if you have a great partner there are times that you don’t mesh and just don’t want to have sex but they do
I'm proud of you. Stay strong. I lost my virginity at 23 and we were madly in love so no regrets. :)
Do NOT feel ashamed!! You're like a golden goose! A diamond in a ton of coals! You're a prize that NO ONE should attain until you feel they're worthy!
“In your 20s and 30s, you need to work BOTH smarter AND harder, especially if you are of average intelligence. The world is a brutally competitive place with some of the smartest people also working the hardest. So working long hours while you’re still young and learning is a matter of practicality,” the financial expert said that the world is a very tough, very competitive place.
“You can’t expect to go straight to the corner office without putting in your dues. At the same time, you can’t expect to outperform your peers simply through hard work. You have to be strategic by building a strong network of relationships internally and externally (clients) who will pull to get you promoted and help you get paid at your next job.”
Meanwhile, when it comes to fighting burnout, Sam suggested taking sick days and mentally recharging. “Don’t just think being ill is just a physical thing. There are plenty of mental illnesses. They are just not as visible. There is no better time than right now to take sick days due to the pandemic and the greater awareness of mental health issues. There is simply no shame in healing the mind!”
It's not adulthood that sucks. It's that "the future" as promised never came. Growing up in the '80s and '90s, we were told that we'd have flying cars and no one would work who didn't want to. Instead, we got economic stagnation and social backsliding, thanks to one of the literal worst generations of leadership in recorded history, if not the worst.
We were promised the Moon, literally. We were told we'd be able to go there someday. What we actually got was the free fall of an empire and third-world working conditions due to botched globalization.
The West's "winning" the Cold War was actually a disaster for both sides. It led to poverty all over Eastern Europe, which in turn led to the extreme militarism of Russia's ruling class today... but, at the same time, the "death of communism" meant that capitalism no longer needed to prove itself a morally acceptable system, which led to removal (starting in the 1980s and '90s, and accelerating after 9/11) of all the restraints that prevented it from becoming its worst possible self.
After awhile it all starts to blend together like the movie Groundhog's day.
I hate having to work. I’m not against the concept, I fully understand why you have to seek gainful employment. I just hate it.
Fitness expert and entrepreneur Jack Bly stressed to Bored Panda that it’s vital to prioritize our health and wellbeing. “To increase our work output, the #1 place I look at is health. Better health leads to more energy, more focus, and more productivity. To improve our health and ultimately our output, we need to make sure we’re doing things like sleeping 7-8 hours consistently, [having] good nutrition, [and maintaining] consistent exercise,” he told us earlier.
Eating well, getting enough sleep and movement, and taking care of the basics of what our bodies need make a “night and day difference in our output.” Jack said: “Prioritizing things like workouts actually gives us more energy rather than take energy.”
In the fitness expert’s opinion, the most important thing isn’t the number of hours that people work but the results that they get. In his view, people should focus on working smart.
“What truly matters is true output/results you can get. Person A: works 8 hours to get X work done; Person B: works 3 hours to get the same X work done. Which person would you rather be?”
It's frustrating how people expect you to have your sh*t together, even though we all know none of us truly have our sh*t together all the time
Giving up becomes more appealing every year I get older.
Sounds weird but growing up my mom always said she cant wait to be put in a nursing home. Everything would be right there, hair dresser, meals...i thought she was crazy. Here I am at 43, thinking damn...a nursing home sounds great! Food cooked, meds, TV and bingo allday, asleep by 8. CHAIR IN THE SHOWER! Sounds like a nice life to me!!
The unlearning of the lessons drilled into us as kids about fairness and equality
Third Rule of Life: Nothing is Fair. Just because you work hard to do the right thing as often as possible doesn't mean others will see it and reciprocate. But it does make you a better human being.
There's never enough time off, it's work, work, work almost the whole year with a couple of weeks where you can relax for a second and catch your breath.
work, dinner, parenting, cleaning. Doing laundry (hiding in laundry room) is the highlight of the week now, so peaceful
People have abandoned their inner child and replaced it with sex, celebrity gossip, and judging others who live their truth.
The powerless feeling over everything.
We are ALL strong. We may have our moments where we feel like we're powerless, but we all have remarkable power, that's why we're all still here going strong after going through very hard times. We need to believe in ourselves at all times. When we have moments we don't feel ok, that in itself is ok. We just have to remember we'll make it through like we always do
Realizing the impermanence of everything you do.
That is, as a child, things seem truly permanent. But as you get older, everything you create has a shelf life to it, and will degrade. As a child, maybe you work with a parent to build a little treehouse fort, and from your perspective, it will last forever. As an adult, you pay 1-2 months' income to replace your furnace or your car's transmission or etc., and realize that you'll just have to do this again in 10-20 years, because everything wears out.
And this doesn't even touch the big impermanence issues - realizing that everything you do at work is a 2- or 4-year product/solution that will become garbage in the near future; or that no one will know a single thing about your life other than maybe your name in just a couple generations.
Cost of living and supporting myself on minimum wage. I just recently moved out 5 months ago and I haven’t graduated college yet. I make enough to survive but my meals are always a struggle. Whatever I can find that’s edible, I’m eating. I can’t buy in bulk and I only spend money when I absolutely have to. I just barely get by.
Filing taxes every year. Like, the gov knows how much I make. Why make me report it? It would be easier for all of us if they just sent a bill of how much we owe instead of doing a bunch of- sighh...stupid, corrupt modafu-
The best solution is for the government to take the correc5 amount out in the first place, so we don’t have to file tax forms in the first place—-to correct all the errors of their shitty math skills.
People/jobs expect you to not have a life outside of work.
My childhood sucked so I enjoy the freedom that comes with adult hood. I cant really think of anything I dislike tbh.
I really hate those moments where I get a reality check about my childhood/teenage years. Since becoming an adult, I’ve been noticing problems in my family I would have never been able to see with my childhood naivety. Also, a certain music scene used to be a big part of my life. I’ve been an adult for close to a decade now, and half of the people I admired turned out to be very sh*tty people — with some even convicted and stuff. Gives me a really bad feeling about what/who used to give me a feeling of belonging and comfort in my teenage years
I've been having the opposite. I always remembered my childhood as being very hard. The constant fights with my father, the corporal punishment at school, the overbearing expectations and indoctrination of religion, being institutionalised... But in actuality it wasn't so bad. I had a family that loved me despite my obvious issues. I had great family holidays, supporting parents that never pressurised me into thinking or believing a certain way. Religious pressure never came from home and I was always free to choose what to take from it (if anything). The reason so much of it seemed bad was my own interpretation based on my own mental disorder.
How hard it is to relax
How much i would need to lie on the floor to make my back feel better
Walking helps significantly with a bad back. Sitting is the killer. For me anyway
The next step seems so far away. There was always the next grade level, or next school (middle school, then high school, then college). The next graduation, the next step up. Suddenly, retirement is the next step, which is 40 years away.
That's because we look at life as though it's a journey, but it's actually a dance - to be enjoyed while it's going on, not as a means to get somewhere. You start a journey to get somewhere in the end, but you don't start a dance just for it to be over. You start a dance because you want to dance and enjoy doing it.
Honestly, a big one is having to relearn a lot of things that I thought I’d never need in school when I was younger. Turns out, you do end up using a lot of it, just not in the ways you expected.
Taxes. On top of paying for everything yourself, you also need to pay for simply existing in a society.
Bills, Rent, and the stress of driving.
I don’t mind driving unless I’m tired. What I DO mind are most of the OTHER drivers I have to get away from to avoid an accident. You know, people who are texting, who are drunk, who drive in a heavy snowstorm like it’s sunny and 70 (Fahrenheit), amongst a whole slew of others who should never be allowed to drive. It’s the reason why I prefer the backroads to the highways.
I can barely think of one thing I do like
Try small likes . . . ice cream? The ocean? cats? It's a gradual thing. Sometimes you only appreciate something when it's gone.
Yard work. It’s the absolute worst. Why do we all have to have grass and plants in the front our house? It serves no purpose, but it just adds another layer of responsibility onto your life. You constantly mow/trim, hire someone else to do it, or you feel shame for being THAT HOUSE on the block. Can we all just agree it’s a waste of time and repurpose that front yard space for something else?
Bills
Ugh. F**k. Bills. They keep going up and coming due. It’s never ending.
We used to brag about which Hotwheels car we had... now we brag about recipes. YAWN!
Making adult decisions
Easy. And even if you get things wrong, go do it over. YOU get to call the shots.
How confusing everything is and how much of it exists in the first place
Narrow your field. What directly concerns you, what do you have NO control over. Then learn what you need to know to make your life (maybe someone else's) easier. Don't just be a victim.
Can’t give up no matter how sh*tty life gets.
Responsibility.
Depression and anxiety diagnoses are hitting an all time high, especially in the 18 - 65 year old bracket. It shows in these posts. The American work ethic is toxic, sh*t wages, few/no benefits, ridiculous work schedules, and 2 or 3 weeks off a year are killing us. It needs to be reformed into a European style system. Question the status quo and these outdated systems that will never get you to "The American Dream" your grandparents got to enjoy. Vote for change and those that give a crap about the working class. Sure, we'll all still have to clean the kitchen and pay bills, but we can learn to work to live. Not live to work.
nowadays im actually seriously considering living in a hut in some random forest or joining some kind of monk school. im actually sick of this lifestyle even though im young and didnt go through that much
In my family, people seem to take a long time to die. It's awful for them and exhausting to be a caretaker, especially for someone with dementia. I've started to question the American wisdom of extending life, no matter the quality. Fortunately, with some time after a death, you go back to remembering the person they were throughout their life, not just the person they were in the final stages.
Dust. It seems like every surface is always covered in dust as soon as I finish. It's never ending.
We are 'self-employed', no days off, no health insurance, we are responsible for everything.
Wow I couldn't even read all of this. How about being grateful for health, energy, food for today, ability to work and a way to take care of yourself? Work sucks! That's life, so make the best of the rest! I was a normal middle class kid and never thought I wouldn't have to work. Inside house, outside house, at my jobs, geez. I'm happy ever day for things I can do. I wish the best for these sad folks.
Depression and anxiety diagnoses are hitting an all time high, especially in the 18 - 65 year old bracket. It shows in these posts. The American work ethic is toxic, sh*t wages, few/no benefits, ridiculous work schedules, and 2 or 3 weeks off a year are killing us. It needs to be reformed into a European style system. Question the status quo and these outdated systems that will never get you to "The American Dream" your grandparents got to enjoy. Vote for change and those that give a crap about the working class. Sure, we'll all still have to clean the kitchen and pay bills, but we can learn to work to live. Not live to work.
nowadays im actually seriously considering living in a hut in some random forest or joining some kind of monk school. im actually sick of this lifestyle even though im young and didnt go through that much
In my family, people seem to take a long time to die. It's awful for them and exhausting to be a caretaker, especially for someone with dementia. I've started to question the American wisdom of extending life, no matter the quality. Fortunately, with some time after a death, you go back to remembering the person they were throughout their life, not just the person they were in the final stages.
Dust. It seems like every surface is always covered in dust as soon as I finish. It's never ending.
We are 'self-employed', no days off, no health insurance, we are responsible for everything.
Wow I couldn't even read all of this. How about being grateful for health, energy, food for today, ability to work and a way to take care of yourself? Work sucks! That's life, so make the best of the rest! I was a normal middle class kid and never thought I wouldn't have to work. Inside house, outside house, at my jobs, geez. I'm happy ever day for things I can do. I wish the best for these sad folks.
