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61 Seemingly Casual Comments From Women That Became Major Dating Dealbreakers For Men
Sometimes, it isn’t a huge argument or some dramatic betrayal that makes you rethink a person. One casual comment can do it. Something they say without a second thought can make you wonder if you’re looking at a harmless difference in opinion or a glimpse of what being with them would actually be like.
That’s one of the things men have been discussing in the online community AskMen Advice, where users shared the things a woman has said that made them realize they wouldn’t want to date or marry her. We’ve rounded up some of the most interesting answers, so keep scrolling for a few dating dealbreakers and unexpected red flags that made people quietly rethink the whole relationship.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“You need to get all of your scuba diving done and out of your system before we get married. After that, I won’t let you go.”
When I dumped her, I celebrated by getting certified as a Divemaster.
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#2
It takes a strong man to handle me.
Been married a long time now. But that was always a huge turn off back when I was dating. Look lady. I'm a pretty masculine man. But why the hell would I want to handle you? I'm looking for a partner. Not someone I'm gonna have to handle.
#3
I was introduced to a friend's friend at a bar, the context I was given was that she was single.
One of the first things she said was "I'm getting married next year".
I was taken aback a bit, and replied "oh, what does your boyfriend do?"
"Oh I don't have a boyfriend."
She was on a deadline. I noped right out.
Modern dating has made the first impression a little strange. You can spend days talking to someone before meeting them, learn their favorite movie before hearing how they actually sound in person, and feel like you know them surprisingly well before you’ve even had a proper date.
Eventually, the person on the other side of the screen has to become an actual person sitting across from you. As Love Certain points out, moving from online conversations to a face-to-face meeting can bring a whole new set of impressions into the picture. And sometimes, that’s when you find out that the person you thought you knew is quite different.
#4
Causal racism. I'm white. It still blows my mind when I meet a racist white person who just assumes we're on the same page. We're not even in the same book.
#5
"How do you feel knowing that I can have any man?"
I feel like it's time I proved that statement a lie.. Bye-bye now.
#6
1) describing her extensive debt
2) “I deserve to go on a (extremely expensive) Mediterranean Cruise this summer”
Within 5 minutes of each other.
Dating apps have made it easier to meet people you probably never would have crossed paths with otherwise, but more options don’t necessarily make dating easier.
Pew Research Center found that recent online daters commonly reported both excitement and disappointment. At the same time, some felt overwhelmed by the number of messages they received and others felt insecure about getting too few. It seems finding love comes with an inbox problem.
#7
If you want to be with me, no more golf on the weekends. Golf or me. Take your pick.
I married another lady . Last I heard, she had a sizeable cat collection 🤣.
nicholas nolan 4 hours ago
Oh, "cat-lady", sick burn, bro. I'm betting the larger bullet dodged was by her.
#8
She told me she got into a fistfight with her mom.
As an adult. Like, she got into a fistfight with her mom *that week*.
I understand people who don't have good relationships with their parents, that's fine. She thought she had a good relationship with her mom, and that punching her wasn't a big deal. That's a big red flag.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 hours ago
Normalizing domestic abüse, dysfunctional relationships, violence and, quite possibly, elder abüse is much more than big red flags.
#9
I worked with a small crew of people years ago. There was this one girl who just struck me as everything I was looking for.
This other guy in our crew was the loud, obnoxious a*****e type, and I loathed him, but he was easily ignored.
Well, one day he comes work and is bragging to anyone who will listen that he had had s*x with my work crush. Him being the kind of unfathomable a*****e that he is, I dismissed it as b******t.
....but then she comes in, head low, not very talkative, avoiding everyone.
We had gotten pretty close, and of course my spidey sense was tingling, so I had to ask if it was true.
Turns out it was, and 100% consensual
I instantly lost all attraction to her right then and there. In my mind, anyone who would willingly sleep with that kind of person is someone I wanted nothing to do with.
There’s a reason a tiny comment can sometimes stick with you more than an entire date. When we’re getting to know someone, we pick up on all sorts of things, including their habits, personality, values, and how they see relationships. You might be enjoying their company perfectly well, then they say something that makes you think, Hmm. I’m going to need a minute with that one.
#10
I voted for Trump.
#11
In college I was dating a chick and she told me she wasn't down for the struggle....
I came from a lower middle class home, and all I knew was the struggle. That's why I went to college.
I interpreted that comment as meaning that she would jump ship if we ever ran into financial difficulties while in a relationship....
#12
"I just want the baby when it's cute, the nanny can raise it after that".
Everyone has their own version of that moment. For some people, it could be an attitude toward money or marriage. For someone else, it might be the way a person talks about their ex, treats other people, or imagines life with a partner.
Research on romantic dealbreakers has found that people consider a surprisingly wide range of traits when deciding whether someone is worth pursuing, and those preferences can change depending on whether they’re thinking about a short-term or long-term relationship.
#13
“Most men are intimidated by my education and success.”
Every single woman whom I have heard some version of this from was a colossal a*****e and likely narcissist.
I do not know any men who are intimidated by a woman’s education or money. I know lots of men who have left entitled a*****e women.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
There are men who are intimidated by a woman’s education or money. Mothers' basements across the country are filled with them. So are corporate boardrooms, church hierarchies, and the current administration.
#14
Told me she only had one boyfriend before me then accidentally kept telling me about other boyfriends that weren’t suitable to her.
Sven Horlemann 2 hours ago
The truth is what I decide to be thruthful. Might change from day to day.
#15
Anything along the lines of “I hate all men”
Listen, I know there’s some s****y dudes who’ve done terrible things to women. However, that’s not me. My mama raised me right and I’ve never intentionally done anything to hurt a woman. So I don’t like being lumped in with guys that do. So if I hear “I hate all men” or anything along those lines, I take it as being wrote off already without even getting to know me.
A person might be willing to overlook certain quirks when they’re casually dating, but become much more selective when imagining that same person as a life partner. In a study involving 285 participants, researchers found that people generally had more dealbreakers when considering a long-term relationship than a short-term one.
#16
Any kind of comment where she starts ragging on MEN as the base of her problems.
Usually when you date/marry such a woman, YOU become the blame automatically. Not other men.
And if you figure TWO can play at that game and suggest she isn't so perfect either, you're automatically a "woman-hater."
I'm glad that I recognized the basic red flags.
#17
I was told exactly this: "What the f**k is wrong with you? You refuse to argue or fight (not physically) about anything. I am so sick and tired of your calm, rationale, let's calmly figure this out b******t. Can't we, at least once, have a heated argument about anything?" She came to my office one day, slapped my face and walked out. I had her charged with a*****t and that was it.
Rick Murray 1 hour ago
Wow. So desperate for a little bit of drama that she had to create some. What a nut.
#18
Was set up on a blind double date by a couple that were setting me up with a co-worker of hers. First impressions were good, but she was very pushing on questions, and ticking off a checklist. As were were getting ready to leave the house to head out for the evening, I overheard the women talking in the next room and all I remember from it was,
"There's some issues with his hobbies and some other things, but I think I can fix those."
It was a nice dinner, but I noped out after the evening. The feedback she gave them at the end of the night was that I didn't seem all that interested after the greeting.
Jay Scales 3 hours ago
Never marry a spouse who you think needs 'fixing'. If they really need fixing, you won't be able to do it, and if only you think they need fixing - they're gonna resent you big time.
The funny thing is, a dealbreaker may not arrive wearing a giant red flag and carrying a marching band. Sometimes it slips into an ordinary conversation so casually that the person saying it probably doesn’t realize they’ve just revealed something important.
This is partly why these stories are so interesting. Looking back, someone can hear a single sentence and suddenly understand why the relationship would have been a very bad idea.
#19
Something to the effect that she wouldn't do things for a man like cook him a meal, but expected him to work and provide for her lifestyle. She was a smart person, I liked her wit, but this comment really turned me off from wanting to pursue anything serious with her. I like expressing my affection through food sometimes such as making homemade meals for my partner whenever we do dinner or lunch. So cooking for each other is something I do want in a serious partner.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 hours ago
It’s one thing if they were a horrible cook or saw it as a chore, but to refuse because of some sort of weird principle is kinda alarming.
#21
She said “happy wife, happy life” on like our 3rd date. See ya .
There’s also a little more going on than simply having a list of things we refuse to tolerate. A study in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology looked at how people make decisions while getting to know a potential partner. They found that participants usually didn’t walk away after the first negative detail.
They tended to keep going until several dealbreakers had piled up, suggesting that we often make these decisions gradually as we learn more about someone.
#22
Ex GF in college said this...
"I guess cheating isn't that big of a deal... it happens all of the time."
Broke up the same night.
Becca not Becky 1 hour ago
That kind of person should just opt for open relationships and be up front about it
#23
A girl from work I had been chatting with outside of work jumped down my throat when she thought I was talking to another girl when I got home from a trip… yeah we weren’t dating….
#24
“Russian women like me want a masculine man. Not a man with emotions who apologizes.”
Still trying to process that. I had a hard time continuing the convo for the rest of dinner.
Heffalump 1 hour ago (edited)
And the tragedy of it is, this was probably wholly honest. Values in Russia, where there are any, are utterly twisted. That's what happens in a country where for 250 years, anyone with get-up-and-go has done so, and all that is left are the hopeless inhabitants of a bad neighbourhood -substance abusers ruled over by gangsters.
Of course, some comments are going to sound like perfectly reasonable differences of opinion, while others may have you staring at the screen wondering how the conversation continued after that.
And that’s what makes this collection fun. These are personal experiences, not a universal rulebook for dating, so you may agree with some of them, disagree with others, or find yourself thinking, Wait, people actually consider that a dealbreaker?
#25
“I hate narcissists” yeah who tf doesn’t; apparently all her exs are narcissists and she’s perfect.
#26
“I’m independent and a boss babe” aka you need to be the provider but I’m gonna have a job and keep all my money.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 hours ago (edited)
“You’re gonna need to pick up a side/night/weekend/second job to fund my MLM delusional entrepreneurship.”
#27
"I'm a good liar if I have to be, but I'd never lie to you".
Sometimes you need months to discover that you’re completely incompatible, while other times, a casual comment can tell you everything you need to know. Dating is complicated enough without finding out halfway to the altar that you and your partner have completely different ideas about what a relationship should look like.
Which of these comments would have made you reconsider the relationships? And what’s something a date has casually said that instantly changed the way you saw them? Let us know in the comments!
#28
First date. Arranged to meet at a restaurant. I hadn't eaten all day and was looking forward to the meal. We get there and she decides for both of us that we'll delay food and just hang out at the bar for a few hours first and then maybe get food later. B***h, I'm hungry!! Lol. Gave up and went to get food elsewhere. It was just the arrogant attitude and control aspect that raised lots of red flags. Who the hell was she to decide when I get to eat?
#29
"If I wasn't a Christian I'd probably auction my virginity."
There goes all my respect for your religion (I mean it how James meant it) and your virginity that you want so much for me to think you care about.
I did what I could, but I think that's the moment she crossed the Rubicon.
ॐBoyGanesh 2 hours ago
Ya, the second someone defines their character (or worse, personality) with “Christian” I’m sprinting away as quickly as possible. My mom used to tell us kids that if a stranger ever offered us candy in exchange for getting in their white van, ask what kind of candy it is first. But if someone ever approached us and mentioned Jesus, we were to scream at the top of our lungs and run away as fast as possible. Having encountered many American Christians as an adult, I know why she joked that way.
#30
"Any man that hasn't been married at least once by the time he is 40 has to have something seriously wrong with him."
Said by the mother of a friend of mine to a group of women at a get together I went to, some of which were single and in my age group. Every one of them agreed and I suddenly felt pretty disgusted of them.
#31
She told me she left her Husband because he lost his job and couldnt handle his negativity.
#32
‘I want what I want’.
This is my ‘poster child’ turnoff slogan.
#33
Any blanket misandrist statement.
Any phrase that has them bragging about their own taste and how good it is.
Any phrase that has them bragging about things they are or own that they didn’t earn but were given to them.
Bragging about their independence when all they’re doing is being an adult.
Any phrase that puts them at the center of the universe.
Any phrase in which they are clearly going against the grain for the sake of going against the grain because they “are so different” or worse “special”.
Problematic Pangolin 2 hours ago
Oh, the "special" ones. "I celebrate my birthday for the entire month!"
#34
“I’ve never not had a sugar daddy”.
#35
"All men are [Insert unfair hateful generalsation about men that you know she would get outraged by if said about women]"
No thank you.
#36
"Men are so annoying until you train them right".
A girl 3 hours ago
I knew d**n well that my husband's penchant for seeing the worst possible outcome first was part of his personality and would not change. It's his way of processing everything. "Everything is on fire. Oh, just the floor is on fire. Wait, that's the sun reflecting off the tile. Hey, let's take the dog for a walk. It's nice out." It's odd but I have no desire to attempt to "train" him. I compulsively check door locks multiple times before bed. That's not changing anytime soon. He thinks that's odd but completely not worth "training" out of me.
#37
Essentially insinuating anyone can become rich and that she wouldn’t date someone who wasn’t earning high income as that is an individual choice to be lazy.
I do alright for myself but I’m not moving mountains.
The main issue I had with the statement was just how privileged it was. I had a stable upbringing (she was from a wealthy background) and I can acknowledge that allowed me to get an ok education and corporate career.
We don’t all have the same starting line in this race.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 hours ago
Or the same number of hurdles on the track which also aren’t of equal height.
#38
We were talking about withholding s*x as a weapon and she admitted that she can be like that. I had just come out of an 10 year d**d bedroom relationship.
#39
Any phase that incorporates the sentiments of being "too much" for "people who can't handle her"
It's an incredibly destructive mindset for any sort of interpersonal relationship, and it's basically shorthand for "everything is going to be your fault, you can either accept it or I can throw a tantrum until you accept it".
#40
“Wait you really haven’t been with anyone for 2 MONTHS?!”
That was so gross to me on many levels. First of all, the pure shock that I wasn’t? It was unreal. Which tells me she sees it as normal to be with someone a lot more often than 2 months- meaning our values do NOT align at all since to me that isn’t even a huge amount of time.
Not just the shock but the time. It was incomprehensible to her.
Instant turn off. Zero self growth there for her, literally just hopping from person to person.
#41
She called her mother a b***h for calling her late at night worrying that she isn’t home.
I come from a close knit family with strong values. That kind of s**t is the biggest turn off.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
A mother of an adult who tries to constantly check where you are and when you were there may not be a b***h, but she may be a problem.
#42
She randomly said "I can get any guy I want" while on a date with me.
I mean I still smashed but after that, no!
Becca not Becky 1 hour ago
She said she can get any guy she wants, she said nothing about keeping them. You proved her right.
#43
“Vulnerability in men makes me uncomfortable.”.
#44
When a woman would say “I’m not easy”. If I ever heard this I knew she was.
Truly good women aren’t even thinking like this to begin with. .
#46
“He almost got me pregnant”. It takes two, moron - unless you plan on pressing charges.
#47
I while ago I was on a date. Suddenly she said she’s got a kid which on its own was a turn off - I’m not looking to be a father to someone else’s kid. But then she also started talking about the guy. How he left her, how he was cheating on her, how narcissist he was and how she felt throughout the relationship.
I would be fine with a mention about it but it was like 15-20 minutes of just her talking about the other guy.
I paid for the coffees and left. Never seen her again.
#48
Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score.
DennyS (denzoren) 49 minutes ago
Oh wow...I'm good, I play CDM, my job isn't to score anyways lol
#49
"I like you, but I only date guys 6 feet or taller." She recently contacted me after 8 years of silence, asking me why we lost touch with each other. I laid it out in a letter and have heard nothing since.
#50
"I don't need a man"
Something about it just screams "obnoxious attitude" to me.
Jay Scales 3 hours ago
Again, if you don't need a man - Don't date. Get a dog. Get cats. Get a gerbil!
#51
She asked if I wanted to meet her side kick and then she side kicked me right in the b**t without any warning. This was my first interaction with her lol.
#52
"You can f*ck me anytime. Even if I'm married.".
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
Frightening if she meant it. Frightening is she said it just to reel you in.
#53
She proposed. I wasn’t really ever looking to marry but that put it into focus.
#54
If "patriarchy" or "feminist" is mentioned or any form of that anti male rhetoric then it's not even worth my time sticking around to hear more.
I want kids with a woman that won't have my sons hate themselves and my daughters hate men.
Michael Largey 1 hour ago
??? Feminism is not anti-male rhetoric. It is pro-human factuality. Patriarchal systems do exist and exploit both men and women. Banning their discussions just furthers their power and damage.
#55
I'm a strong independent woman and I Don't need no Man.
#56
"As someone that has previously dated a (insert any negative psychological trait like for example: mentally a*****e narcissist)..."
Any woman that amateurly diagnoses her exes is a walking red flag.
#57
"I don't NEED a man. I'm completely content and happy with my life".
#58
In college the girl I was newly dating a week said off hand we might as well have s*x (she was still a V). I took her reaction to mean I was a willing d**k. I had more respect for myself.
#59
"We're going to have s*x!" enthusiastically three times on the way back to my place where we planned to have s*x.
It's just that between each time she said it, she forgot. And she kept forgetting everything that happened before, where we were going... We were both drunk but I remember everything from that night, while she was clearly in no position to give consent to anything. It didn't really feel like interacting with a human, more like a broken doll.
She slept in my bed and I made her a good breakfast and we parted ways. To this day I don't know if she genuinely couldn't hold her beer or if someone had slipped something in her drink. But it was very disturbing seeing someone get amnesia in real time. And I'm happy that nothing more happened that night.
#60
"I'm looking for my forever man" pressure.
Becca not Becky 1 hour ago
What's wrong with that? If she wants to find something long term but OP doesn't, that just means they aren't right for each other, not necessarily a red flag.
#61
One day she woke me up saying “Rise from your grave!”, quoting Sega’s Altered Beast.
David Morgan 1 hour ago
Seriously, THAT'S worth leaving for? You need to re-evaluate your requirements.
What do you think ?
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